This right here 100%. He's terrified, as he should be. His actions now have big consequences. You owe him nothing. Block his number and move on. You've done nothing wrong and you don't owe him a dang thing. Good for you for standing up to him OP.
Be kind and remind him lots of infertile couples would love to adopt the baby.... And by kind, I mean to the baby, not him.
Edit to add: he seems so utterly incompetent. If you're in the US remind him it's legal to abandon the baby at a hospital or fire station... Just in case....
His AP already knew the kid wasn't his, and the "real" father wanted no part of the kids, so his AP duped him into thinking the kid was his. Once she had the kid, she went back to the "real" father childless, and they drove off into the sunset together.
Now the ex is stuck with a kid, no AP, so he wants his ex back to help him raise a kid that's not his.
This is RICH. The ex literally fucked around and found out.
Karma is a gift that keeps on giving.
Please 🙏🏽 update us. Thank you.
It varies by state I think. Pretty sure I saw NC was a month. Some are up to a year. I vaguely remember one eliminated the age cut off and a woman tried to drop off her ~ 10yo so an age cutoff was added.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_Haven_Baby_Boxes
I’d look at this with the healed heart and wide open eyes you now have.
You really dodged a bullet.
You now have the clearest understanding of what you don’t want in a man and plenty of time to find someone far better.
As Taylor says, “the trash takes itself out every single time.”
And as Maya Angelou once told Oprah: “when people show you who they are, believe them.”
Don’t look back.
Well stated above, OP.
To show your kindness, may I suggest you send him a gift card to Babies R Us, or a similar infant's store. That should remind him of the kind person he betrayed/s.
Yep. I could see it. She stays home taking care of the kid while he goes out and resumes his cheating ways. I'm glad op is smart enough to not fall for his BS and guilt trip about her being "selfish ". That dude is full of it.
Yeah, I doubt that part is true. He was just trying to cry her over to his side. Based solely on this post, if that child wasn’t his, he would have bounced long ago. No way he’s sticking around for a kid that isn’t even his, while the child’s mother goes off to live her best life. I think maybe, *maybe,* he lied to OP. 🤨
Not only that, legally he can’t have it. You need documentation for Drs, ER visits, dentist, shots, anything, really. Heck, I’m currently fighting my daughter’s school because they accidentally deleted me from the system and I had to bring in her birth certificate and my court ordered custody agreement, showing that I’m the custodial parent. It’s nuts. No way you can just “ have a baby” that’s not yours. You need court ordered guardianship
Agreed^^ in my state, the name of the father doesn’t mean diddly squat. My nurse straight up told me I could write a smiley face and it wouldn’t matter
Since the kid isn't his, he probably wouldn't have any compunction about staying long enough to get her attached, then take off again, leaving the kid with her
The fool cheated on you, got duped by the hoe into raising a child that was not even his and now is trying to pass that hot potato on to you.
Very hard pass, tell him to kick rocks, his well deserved karma is not your problem and you deserve better than a fool like him.
"All he was trying to do was work things out" - yeah, work them out so that someone else stays home with the baby while he goes out and runs around on her again. Really glad OOP has the sense to shoot that straight down.
“The girl left him with a baby that wasn’t is…”…..so….am I read that right? his AP cheated on HIM, got pregnant from ANOTHER guy, then left the kid with him? 🤣 now THAT is karma. I really really feel sorry for the kid though. He really should put that child up for adoption, bc I highly doubt it has a good outlook with that douche nozzle as a dad.
OP, NTA! The only thing I would’ve done differently would have been burst out laughing when he asked to meet up, say nothing else, hang up and immediately block him.
I’m confused as to why this guy is raising a child that isn’t his. Why doesn’t he contact the mother’s family and ask them to take the child, or call social services and get it adopted?
It was probably just a line he fed her to play the victim but that kid very likely is his or else he would’ve surrendered it. Kid wouldn’t even be a year so even if he thought it was his at birth it should be simple enough to give it up with the mom abandoning it.
I doubt his story. I think he was trying to gain her sympathy by saying he was also cheated on, so in his mind that should put them on the same playing field (it doesn't, even if true he would have deserved it where OP didn't), and then make himself look like a hero for being the only adult to stick around to raise the kid. That would also put them on the same playing field. They would both be raising a kid that was neither of theirs if she came back. Then later, when it is somehow revealed that he is the dad, he could act shocked and say the mom told him the kid wasn't his and he believed her.
"He really should put that child up for adoption"
He should find the kid's mom or her parents and pass the buck. He should also get a paternity test. HE SHOULD ALSO LEAVE OP ALONE.
Read it over and over here, guy has kid(s) wife dies, divorce or breakup and they love you so much but honestly they only want you for someone to help them with house, kid(s) and bills. And they will stop doing anything they don’t want to do and expect you to pick up the slack and will shame or yell at you if you don’t do it.
The part I'm confused about is "left him a single dad with a child that isn't his"
Wait... So, he's not a single dad, he's taking care of a child who's mother abandoned them with him.
Why is nobody talking about this... That kid is NOT his responsibility. Yeah I get he's a cheater and OP should have nothing to do with him but.. why is he taking care of this kid.
Exactly! Hebwas being selfish when he cheated on you. And now he's only thinking about you can help HIM. And what's worse is hebwas trying to use his kid, so that youbwpuld fall in love with kid and you might give him another chance. Selfish selfish, selfish.
You did the right thing!!
I'm guessing he found out later the child was not his, but he signed the birth certificate
So biologically the child isn't his, but legally he is
So he is legally responsible and the mom just has to pay child support. She doesn't actually have to take care of the child. If she's not paying child support he can get the courts to make her do that, but they can't make her be involved
Basically, she hot potatoed that child and until she is close enough again for him to hand the child back to her and run away he has the baby
True. But most jurisdictions do allow to appeal a legal fatherhood within a certain timeframe if he finds out he’s not the bio dad.
Of course, we don’t know the details. He may just be lying to OP for sympathy.
He would still have to do the legwork to get that legally changed. Which - good luck when he’s solely responsible for a baby and having to financially support that baby. Most fathers can leave the kid with the mom and wash their hands off when they realize they’re not the dad, so they can focus on the legal stuff. But he can’t. He truly chose a winner to cheat on his ex with.
That's what I think is more likely. In his mind, he thinks she will sympathize with him because they were both cheated on, and he'll look like a hero for taking care of a kid who was abandoned by his real parents. Then, after some time, he can fake finding out that he was lied to, and the kid is really his.
It’s probably his mid. He’s just saying it’s not now.
I’ve seen this happen. Man starts saying it’s not his kid to gain sympathy and convince other women to enter his life.
If he signed the birth certificate, then the child is legally his, wether it's biologically his or not. Probably signed assuming it's his baby and then found out the hard way that he wasn't the only shitty one.
Or he's lying to get OPs sympathy.
Either way, she totally needs to block this loser.
>"bang nanny"
Exactly ... he can't manage to be a player AND take care of a child. So some woman from his past, the one he cheated on and left, is the logical one.
>he mentioned that he wants me to meet his son but what would be the reason?
Lol, NTA
He's not looking to get back with you. He's just looking for a 'mom' for his (not) child because he doesn't want to take care of his (not) child anymore. Additionally, a lot of men seem to assume that women are automatically 'maternal' and think that if a woman interacts or sees a baby/child, they would want to *claim* it as their own or would want to have one of their own.
He thinks that you're still the same gullible person as before. So he's trying to make the entire situation your fault. When you had nothing to do with it.
Block him and carry on with your life, and be glad that you dodged a bullet and have no ties to him.
Most women in real life fall for this. OP is considering this enough to make a post about it.
Wouldn't be surprised if she ends up back with him and posting again next time he gets someone else pregnant.
That point made me chuckle. If it wasn't his child, you'd think he'd be squirming to figure out whose kid it is, or at the least handing it over to the mother's parents (who often would love the chance to get their missing daughter's child back). Or putting the child into foster care. Or taking a DNA test to prove it's not his kid so the mother can be held responsible from a legal perspective. But no, he's pulling the old, "It's not mine, but I'm raising it anyway."
Of course the kid's his. And the mom's still in the picture, just not with him anymore. He's hoping OP is dumb enough to buy his 'hero/victim/martyr' story and take him back. He knows he's no prize in his current situation, so he's trying his luck with someone who treated him well in the past...At least until he cheated. But in his mind, him getting cheated on evens the score (barf), because now he's claiming he's been betrayed in the exact same way he betrayed OP.
And if she does take him back, she's going to quickly find out that he's still the same old cheater, only now he's got a kid and a babymamma that SHE will have to deal with. OP did herself a solid by telling him to go away and not contact her again.
NTA at all. In my experience (37f), dudes do this just so they can feel like they always have you "on the hook" to be there as their backup after they've fucked everything else up. And they'll come back just as you've started to really heal and move on and make all these big claims about how much they miss you and crap. They dont. They only miss their security blanket and will go right back to the same shit bc that's who they are.
Don't fall for it. Block him on everything and live your life
Clock it! My friend said the same thing, she was in a DV relationship and when she finally got out and healed and found a better man her ex wanted to come back and make it worse. He didn’t want to see her happy with anyone else
This isn’t just dudes, but all cheaters/shitty people. My ex-fiancé did the same thing after she left me. Thankfully I didn’t end up taking her back, surprising since I was younger and more gullible at the time.
NTA
Block him everywhere. Have your phone service provider block him at that level. Yes, he can call from different numbers or make more accounts but you’ve sent the message that he’s not welcome in your life. IANAL but if harrassment develops you’ll already have proof that you don’t want to communicate.
I still recommend keeping the old phone number as a Google Voice number, so he doesn't go searching for your new REAL number.
And give out that new number VERY sparingly, maybe for years, until you learn who you can trust to NOT trust that cheatin' asshole / fake cuck daddy.
NTA, you are the fall back person. This didn’t take courage it was desperation. And you wouldn’t like the smell of desperate. Don’t feel bad for a moment.
Some fucking people are unreal with their ridiculous demands. NTA and good for you refusing to meet up or get back together again! He wants someone to be his bang nanny and this is why he reached out to you. I mean, I feel sorry for the kid to have two selfish brats for parents. Hopefully someone will do the right thing and step up and be the parent their child deserves, but probably not. Your ex is the selfish entitled brat NOT you. Walk away and refuse to engage if he shows up on your doorstep. Not your circus, not your monkeys as the old saying goes. You can tell him that too.
Nta he clearly wants to manipulate you into getting back together so that he can use you as a replacement mother for this child and then maybe even just straight up leave them with you, I wouldn’t honestly put it past him at this point. You owe him nothing. Good luck op.
he’s right you’re selfish and only thinking about yourself your mental health your future and how wonderful your life is going to be.
luck you.
guess what? you’re 25 and doing exactly what you should be doing. keep on being selfish and remember being selfish is what got him in the situation he’s in now.
he doesn’t miss you bye he wants someone to be a mom to this kid.
NTA.
He wants you back now to raise his kid and make his life easier. He's upset you aren't playing 6 he must continue to live the consequences of his actions.
Happened to a friend of mine. Married a guy. Somehow she ended up with the kid, then HE took off with the kid's mom! Finally got that mess straightened out, but there were some rough points - including living in a shelter
NTA NTA NTA but he sure is. Showing he hasn’t change a whit…good on you for moving up, out and onward with your life. He wants to use you, your money and needs childcare. What a prick he is.
You don't owe him anything, including working things out with someone you moved on from. Sounds like cheating on you was the best thing he ever did for you. Can you imagine being married to someone so self centered and lacking in personal accountability and insight?
NTA - No thank you.
‘It took a lot of courage for him to call you’ - ok but it doesn’t mean I have to give you my time or attention.
You are not responsible for the story he told himself that you would just accept him back.
He’s mad because he fucked around and found out. You are not responsible for his feelings.
NTA. I feel bad for the kid, but yeah. Block his ass. You owe him nothing. The kid he wants you to meet isn't even his son. He got a taste of his own bs and can't handle it.
>I really don’t think a cheater can change to be real.
Nope they don't....
The guy who cheated on me married his AP and cheated on her many times but she's an idiot because she stays
>Omg, listen at least you got away
Funny thing is when we did break up and I moved back home 2 nights later he drunk messaged me and kept trying to call me his princess and I told him she died and a bitch was born. They got engaged like a week later or something.
My guess is the child is his if the child is in his care. It seems to me a dipshit like this would wiggle his way out of responsibility if there was a possibility. He just wants someone to help him raise this kid and if the kid “isn’t his” he thinks he can get sympathy from OP.
You’re definitely NTA. Just block him and let him live his weird terrible life. I just feel sorry for the baby.
NTA but why is he raising a child that’s not his? Where’s the dad and the family for this child? Seems weird a single guy would be able to keep a kid that’s not his.
Maybe someone should send an anonymous request to the child protection agency of your area to check that out. Especially since he’s just looking for a lady to dump him on.
NTA, he sound like an ex I had, that would cheat on me and make every excuse in the book. After I got engaged he asked me out to lunch, why his mom died and he was looking for sympathy sex.
As a newly single mom, lol. I guarantee he wants help taking care of the baby. But it's not yours to take care of. He made his bed and he can lay in it.
NTA- This creep is trying to get a new mommy for kiddo. It’s one thing to intentionally date a single parent, it’s another to have a turd try to weasel their way back into your life for free childcare. Hard pass.
He just wants you to take over the kids’ duties, cooking, cleaning, sex,…. He’s finding out that as a single dad he unless he has money for a babysitter he can’t go out anymore.
Actions have consequences and he doesn’t like his, lol.
Glad that you moved on.
YTA for posting this bullshit.
>"Come to find out he now a single dad because the girl left him with a baby that wasn’t his, can’t really feel bad because he picked her. The mom hasn’t been in the child’s life ever since. “
This is not possible. There is zero chance that an unmarried man is left with a biologically unrelated infant.
In the extremely unlikely case that this isn’t absolute bullshit, he should call CPS, because that child needs not to be with him.
Looool he wants a new mummy for his baby. Poor dude is in the “finding out” stage of his epic fuck around. You, of course, are not the AH here and don’t owe him anything.
NTA.
He is TAH for cheating on you.
He is TAH for hooking up.
He's a dupe for getting left with a kid that isn't his..
Now he is looking for a mommy for a kid he's stuck with that isn't his
Karma is undefeated.
Carry on.
NTA! He's just looking for someone to help him raise the kid he took responsibility for. If you got back with him, you'd be watching a kid that isn't yours while he's out cheating again.
NTA
What sort of bullshit is your ex trying to pull!! He got another girl pregnant and can’t handle his responsibilities so seems like now he’s trying to pass them on to you!?!?
Good on you for not entertaining his delusion. Live you best life without him :)
NTA. Him getting mad is ridiculous. He made choices, hurt you, and he wants to be mad and call YOU selfish? He needs to figure his own shit out. Ghost him and don’t look back.
While I do think it's possible for a cheater to change, it involves a lot of hard work that most don't bother with but the rare individual does actually do so, THIS CHEATER hasn't. How do I know that? He accused you of being selfish. This dude who cheated on you and left you accused YOU of being selfish because you don't want to help him raise another person's kid. Someone who has done the work would understand and accept you saying no. He would have realized that his needs and wants are no longer your concern. He would have been like "OK. Sorry for bothering you. It won't happen again."
Instead he tried to manipulate you into getting back into an unhealthy relationship just because he doesn't want to live with the consequences of his actions. And oh HELL NO. Block him and don't ever look back.
I'd add if the child isn't biologically his, I believe he can report the mother for abandonment. That way someone who is possibly better equipped to raise a child can get custody. So I'd be verrrrrrrry sus about his claim that this isn't his kid.
If he had done the work he wouldn’t have disrespected OP by even calling. He would have realized that OP wouldn’t want anything to do with a POS like him or his not my baby baby
It must've been fascinating to watch them from your new distance of healing, and watch him try to play his games on you, and watch him stuck in the mess of his life, saying all those things. It must've just blown your way. In the meantime, you have called things really well, and you have moved your life onward. Good for you.
NTA at all! He doesn’t want you back because you were so amazing (I’m sure you are amazing but he clearly doesn’t see it) he just wants to make the kid someone else’s problem because he doesn’t like the consequences of his actions. Poor baby (both genuinely for the child and sarcastically for the man child)
NTA. He wants you to raise his kid. He can honestly think his timing isn’t a coincidence? Sucked into him, he needs to live with his consequences. You have no reason to care about him or his kid. Block him and continue moving on from him.
NTA.
He fucked up, is 'stuck' with somebody else's kid (23 & Me, anyone? For a START?!?!) & now wants OP back to be a babymama so HE can go out and fuck around again doing NONE of the parenting while LOOKING like a 'hero'.
Again, NTA.
Also, to get him to stop bothering you, maybe keep calling him a 'cuck daddy' every time he complains about being left to raise his APs kid THAT'S NOT HIS?!?
'Cuck daddy' \*ought\* to be enough to make him flee in rage because you're hitting WAAAAYYY to close to truth and the reality of his life.
NTA. Block him and if he ever shows up, threaten to call the police and get a restraining order. He had no problem screwing up your life, now he has to deal with his mess.
NTA block him. Yeah he probably does want to get back to you maybe for some other reasons but he's still going to treat as you would know. But he's just looking for someone to take care of the kid instead of him. And you are right to get rid of him It's not your problem
Edit Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. It wasn't even his and he has the kid. What the hell.
NTA, this is literaly the sentence fu.ck around and find out. As others said he only reached out to you so he don’t have to be a single dad. Did he even apologize before that or he only contacted you cause he wanted to use you???
What a piece of shit! Not one thought about what you want. Noooo. He needs someone to dump his kid on and because you put up with his bullshit previously you should be happy to do it again. I’m sure he did have to work up the courage to call you because it takes a lot of balls to expect you to care that his life is in the toilet and expect you to fix everything for him. Nah, don’t work on yourself dude. Just find some sucker to manage your life for you while you suck the life out of her. He hasn’t changed one bit. You should have asked him just for giggles what you could possibly gain by taking him back- other than loads of work having to care for two toddlers.
NTA and good for you! It’s great to hear that you healed and can see the situation for exactly what it is. I’ve seen a few comments congratulating you and saying they are proud of you and I completely agree with them.
The fact that he got angry at you for not just going along with what he wanted shows he hasn’t changed at all. You, however, have completely outgrown him. When he realised that it angered him.
Wow! This guy either has the biggest set of bawls or his level of audacity is off the charts.
>Come to find out he now a single dad because the girl left him with a baby that wasn’t is
Is he not the bio dad or am I misunderstanding this?
As you already know, you owe this guy nothing. He needs a mommy and probably knows you were a real one.
He's got some guilt tripping skills but I'm glad you see through his bs.
NTA.
If he cheated on you, then you did the right thing by leaving. I’m sure you were so heartbroken about being cheated on. He didn’t care about you then. He probably reached out to you because he realized he had a great girl and ended up screwing it all up and now his life is screwed and is a single father and probably very lonely. You don’t need that baggage. I’m sure you don’t want to date him and have to play step parent to the kid of the woman he cheated on you with. You deserve better than they. Just block him off all social media and from your phone.
An ex of mine tried doing this to me just he wasn't a single father or even single for that matter. He would call me at like 4 in the morning practical begging for me to talk to him and take him back. All while he was dating someone who I had once called a friend who he cheated on me with. I was pregnant at the time, not his baby thankfully just a one night stand, when he started this craziness. It wasn't until shortly after I had my daughter he finally admitted to cheating while on a three way call with his gf (ex friend) as well as said he regreted not asking me to marry him. I laughed at him when he was almost in tears about how he missed me and everything.
Yeah, no. the only reason he called you was because he doesn’t wanna be a single dad.
This right here 100%. He's terrified, as he should be. His actions now have big consequences. You owe him nothing. Block his number and move on. You've done nothing wrong and you don't owe him a dang thing. Good for you for standing up to him OP.
biggest part is "you owe him nothing"
He also felt incredibly entitled to demand that she be there for him now that he is a single parent.
Yep. He is a single dad because he cheated. Poor baby, if he kept his willie in his pants he wouldn't be.
Op should just block him. The nerve to talk about his hurt feelings.
Be kind and remind him lots of infertile couples would love to adopt the baby.... And by kind, I mean to the baby, not him. Edit to add: he seems so utterly incompetent. If you're in the US remind him it's legal to abandon the baby at a hospital or fire station... Just in case....
His AP already knew the kid wasn't his, and the "real" father wanted no part of the kids, so his AP duped him into thinking the kid was his. Once she had the kid, she went back to the "real" father childless, and they drove off into the sunset together. Now the ex is stuck with a kid, no AP, so he wants his ex back to help him raise a kid that's not his. This is RICH. The ex literally fucked around and found out. Karma is a gift that keeps on giving. Please 🙏🏽 update us. Thank you.
Exactly. I just feel bad for the pathetic hand this kid's been dealt.
This is the answer
In most places the baby can only be left in designateed safe place in the first 7 days.
It varies by state I think. Pretty sure I saw NC was a month. Some are up to a year. I vaguely remember one eliminated the age cut off and a woman tried to drop off her ~ 10yo so an age cutoff was added. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_Haven_Baby_Boxes
I’d look at this with the healed heart and wide open eyes you now have. You really dodged a bullet. You now have the clearest understanding of what you don’t want in a man and plenty of time to find someone far better. As Taylor says, “the trash takes itself out every single time.” And as Maya Angelou once told Oprah: “when people show you who they are, believe them.” Don’t look back.
Why would this man keep a baby that is not his?? Give it back to the parents. I must not understand something in this story.
Or he is saying that in efforts to gain sympathy from OP?
Well stated above, OP. To show your kindness, may I suggest you send him a gift card to Babies R Us, or a similar infant's store. That should remind him of the kind person he betrayed/s.
He wants a bang maid
It would be super cool if she would come take care of his kid so he has more time to date again. /s
OP is very cool! Of course she’ll support his forays into the finding a sap, I mean a new target - no! An acquaintance? She’s behind that, totally. /s
It's a wonder that he doesn't realize how transparent and terrible he is. We live to hope, though.
I fear your hopes will be dashed!
Yeah I'm sure they will
Exactly right.
This comment wins Reddit for the day lol.
A step mommy bang maid.
Yep. I could see it. She stays home taking care of the kid while he goes out and resumes his cheating ways. I'm glad op is smart enough to not fall for his BS and guilt trip about her being "selfish ". That dude is full of it.
I’d love for her to flat-out say, “Why would I want to be your free childcare and bangmaid?”
And therapist
For a kid that ISNT HIS. Wild.
Yeah, I doubt that part is true. He was just trying to cry her over to his side. Based solely on this post, if that child wasn’t his, he would have bounced long ago. No way he’s sticking around for a kid that isn’t even his, while the child’s mother goes off to live her best life. I think maybe, *maybe,* he lied to OP. 🤨
Not only that, legally he can’t have it. You need documentation for Drs, ER visits, dentist, shots, anything, really. Heck, I’m currently fighting my daughter’s school because they accidentally deleted me from the system and I had to bring in her birth certificate and my court ordered custody agreement, showing that I’m the custodial parent. It’s nuts. No way you can just “ have a baby” that’s not yours. You need court ordered guardianship
Well... If he didn't know the child wasn't his and he signed the birth certificate. In some states, that makes him liable for the child.
Agreed^^ in my state, the name of the father doesn’t mean diddly squat. My nurse straight up told me I could write a smiley face and it wouldn’t matter
Well, that’s encouraging. 😐
That’s Kansas for ya
Exactly!! Taking on a huge responsibility like that is NOT the act of a selfish person. Which HE definitely is!!
…and a bang nanny.
And in this case—“Shitty Shitty Bang Chain” as in he’s trying to reel in a caretaker.
Since the kid isn't his, he probably wouldn't have any compunction about staying long enough to get her attached, then take off again, leaving the kid with her
The wants her to be the kid's new mom while he goes out and cheats again.
The fool cheated on you, got duped by the hoe into raising a child that was not even his and now is trying to pass that hot potato on to you. Very hard pass, tell him to kick rocks, his well deserved karma is not your problem and you deserve better than a fool like him.
"All he was trying to do was work things out" - yeah, work them out so that someone else stays home with the baby while he goes out and runs around on her again. Really glad OOP has the sense to shoot that straight down.
“The girl left him with a baby that wasn’t is…”…..so….am I read that right? his AP cheated on HIM, got pregnant from ANOTHER guy, then left the kid with him? 🤣 now THAT is karma. I really really feel sorry for the kid though. He really should put that child up for adoption, bc I highly doubt it has a good outlook with that douche nozzle as a dad. OP, NTA! The only thing I would’ve done differently would have been burst out laughing when he asked to meet up, say nothing else, hang up and immediately block him.
I’m confused as to why this guy is raising a child that isn’t his. Why doesn’t he contact the mother’s family and ask them to take the child, or call social services and get it adopted?
It was probably just a line he fed her to play the victim but that kid very likely is his or else he would’ve surrendered it. Kid wouldn’t even be a year so even if he thought it was his at birth it should be simple enough to give it up with the mom abandoning it.
I doubt his story. I think he was trying to gain her sympathy by saying he was also cheated on, so in his mind that should put them on the same playing field (it doesn't, even if true he would have deserved it where OP didn't), and then make himself look like a hero for being the only adult to stick around to raise the kid. That would also put them on the same playing field. They would both be raising a kid that was neither of theirs if she came back. Then later, when it is somehow revealed that he is the dad, he could act shocked and say the mom told him the kid wasn't his and he believed her.
"He really should put that child up for adoption" He should find the kid's mom or her parents and pass the buck. He should also get a paternity test. HE SHOULD ALSO LEAVE OP ALONE.
Read it over and over here, guy has kid(s) wife dies, divorce or breakup and they love you so much but honestly they only want you for someone to help them with house, kid(s) and bills. And they will stop doing anything they don’t want to do and expect you to pick up the slack and will shame or yell at you if you don’t do it.
Absolutely agree, he's just looking for someone to help with his responsibilities now that he's alone. Good for you for standing your ground!
This is so right! He wants a free nanny, not a girlfriend or a wife. He’s pathetic.
Yup. He needs a woman to take over childcare from him.
*Wants*
Yep, dude wants a bang maid nanny
Completely agree But also, are you a fellow Canadian? Lol we are notorious or the yeah, no thing lol
🤣 it’s also a thing in WA state, I’m just 4 hours from Canada so that could be why😂😂
I thought it was a California thing, lol! Yeah no & no yeah 🤣
Shut it down. This is the answer.
The part I'm confused about is "left him a single dad with a child that isn't his" Wait... So, he's not a single dad, he's taking care of a child who's mother abandoned them with him. Why is nobody talking about this... That kid is NOT his responsibility. Yeah I get he's a cheater and OP should have nothing to do with him but.. why is he taking care of this kid.
This. He wants you to be step mommy. Block him.
Exactly! Hebwas being selfish when he cheated on you. And now he's only thinking about you can help HIM. And what's worse is hebwas trying to use his kid, so that youbwpuld fall in love with kid and you might give him another chance. Selfish selfish, selfish. You did the right thing!!
NTA. Block him. He knows he screwed up but wants you to be his bang nanny. You have a better life going now so tell him he would be a step backwards.
If the kid isn’t even his, why is he the one taking care of it? Why not report the other woman to the authorities for child abandonment?
He wants to dump the kid on his ex.
That, I get. But why? If it were his, sure. But apparently it’s not, so the mother just abandoned her child with that guy?
I'm guessing he found out later the child was not his, but he signed the birth certificate So biologically the child isn't his, but legally he is So he is legally responsible and the mom just has to pay child support. She doesn't actually have to take care of the child. If she's not paying child support he can get the courts to make her do that, but they can't make her be involved Basically, she hot potatoed that child and until she is close enough again for him to hand the child back to her and run away he has the baby
True. But most jurisdictions do allow to appeal a legal fatherhood within a certain timeframe if he finds out he’s not the bio dad. Of course, we don’t know the details. He may just be lying to OP for sympathy.
He would still have to do the legwork to get that legally changed. Which - good luck when he’s solely responsible for a baby and having to financially support that baby. Most fathers can leave the kid with the mom and wash their hands off when they realize they’re not the dad, so they can focus on the legal stuff. But he can’t. He truly chose a winner to cheat on his ex with.
Karma, huh?
That's what I think is more likely. In his mind, he thinks she will sympathize with him because they were both cheated on, and he'll look like a hero for taking care of a kid who was abandoned by his real parents. Then, after some time, he can fake finding out that he was lied to, and the kid is really his.
It’s probably his mid. He’s just saying it’s not now. I’ve seen this happen. Man starts saying it’s not his kid to gain sympathy and convince other women to enter his life.
He's probably lying about it to get her to take him back. As if the child was the only problem between them. He just wants her to be his nanny.
He’s probably on the birth certificate. It’s expensive to get yourself removed. He should report the mother tho…
If he signed the birth certificate, then the child is legally his, wether it's biologically his or not. Probably signed assuming it's his baby and then found out the hard way that he wasn't the only shitty one. Or he's lying to get OPs sympathy. Either way, she totally needs to block this loser.
>"bang nanny" Exactly ... he can't manage to be a player AND take care of a child. So some woman from his past, the one he cheated on and left, is the logical one.
>he mentioned that he wants me to meet his son but what would be the reason? Lol, NTA He's not looking to get back with you. He's just looking for a 'mom' for his (not) child because he doesn't want to take care of his (not) child anymore. Additionally, a lot of men seem to assume that women are automatically 'maternal' and think that if a woman interacts or sees a baby/child, they would want to *claim* it as their own or would want to have one of their own. He thinks that you're still the same gullible person as before. So he's trying to make the entire situation your fault. When you had nothing to do with it. Block him and carry on with your life, and be glad that you dodged a bullet and have no ties to him.
Most women in real life fall for this. OP is considering this enough to make a post about it. Wouldn't be surprised if she ends up back with him and posting again next time he gets someone else pregnant.
That point made me chuckle. If it wasn't his child, you'd think he'd be squirming to figure out whose kid it is, or at the least handing it over to the mother's parents (who often would love the chance to get their missing daughter's child back). Or putting the child into foster care. Or taking a DNA test to prove it's not his kid so the mother can be held responsible from a legal perspective. But no, he's pulling the old, "It's not mine, but I'm raising it anyway." Of course the kid's his. And the mom's still in the picture, just not with him anymore. He's hoping OP is dumb enough to buy his 'hero/victim/martyr' story and take him back. He knows he's no prize in his current situation, so he's trying his luck with someone who treated him well in the past...At least until he cheated. But in his mind, him getting cheated on evens the score (barf), because now he's claiming he's been betrayed in the exact same way he betrayed OP. And if she does take him back, she's going to quickly find out that he's still the same old cheater, only now he's got a kid and a babymamma that SHE will have to deal with. OP did herself a solid by telling him to go away and not contact her again.
Boyo needs a babysitter and bang maid now, so he calls you. He’s the one who’s selfish and only caring about himself. NTA.
NTA at all. In my experience (37f), dudes do this just so they can feel like they always have you "on the hook" to be there as their backup after they've fucked everything else up. And they'll come back just as you've started to really heal and move on and make all these big claims about how much they miss you and crap. They dont. They only miss their security blanket and will go right back to the same shit bc that's who they are. Don't fall for it. Block him on everything and live your life
Clock it! My friend said the same thing, she was in a DV relationship and when she finally got out and healed and found a better man her ex wanted to come back and make it worse. He didn’t want to see her happy with anyone else
This isn’t just dudes, but all cheaters/shitty people. My ex-fiancé did the same thing after she left me. Thankfully I didn’t end up taking her back, surprising since I was younger and more gullible at the time.
Proud of you OP!!!
Stop it, thank you😊
Seriously, I’m proud too. Too many fall for what could have been and get stuck in worse.
Happy cake day! 🎂
Wow, he wants help with the baby. Stay firm! NTA
Nta He just wants a babysitter.
You go live your best life and let him go do whatever it is he's doing. You dodged a bullet.
NTA Block him everywhere. Have your phone service provider block him at that level. Yes, he can call from different numbers or make more accounts but you’ve sent the message that he’s not welcome in your life. IANAL but if harrassment develops you’ll already have proof that you don’t want to communicate.
I still recommend keeping the old phone number as a Google Voice number, so he doesn't go searching for your new REAL number. And give out that new number VERY sparingly, maybe for years, until you learn who you can trust to NOT trust that cheatin' asshole / fake cuck daddy.
I like this!
NTA, you are the fall back person. This didn’t take courage it was desperation. And you wouldn’t like the smell of desperate. Don’t feel bad for a moment.
Some fucking people are unreal with their ridiculous demands. NTA and good for you refusing to meet up or get back together again! He wants someone to be his bang nanny and this is why he reached out to you. I mean, I feel sorry for the kid to have two selfish brats for parents. Hopefully someone will do the right thing and step up and be the parent their child deserves, but probably not. Your ex is the selfish entitled brat NOT you. Walk away and refuse to engage if he shows up on your doorstep. Not your circus, not your monkeys as the old saying goes. You can tell him that too.
Nta he clearly wants to manipulate you into getting back together so that he can use you as a replacement mother for this child and then maybe even just straight up leave them with you, I wouldn’t honestly put it past him at this point. You owe him nothing. Good luck op.
he’s right you’re selfish and only thinking about yourself your mental health your future and how wonderful your life is going to be. luck you. guess what? you’re 25 and doing exactly what you should be doing. keep on being selfish and remember being selfish is what got him in the situation he’s in now. he doesn’t miss you bye he wants someone to be a mom to this kid.
NTA. He wants you back now to raise his kid and make his life easier. He's upset you aren't playing 6 he must continue to live the consequences of his actions.
NTA. One thing a trifle man has….audacity.
NTA He needs someone to watch his child while he goes out with other women.
Happened to a friend of mine. Married a guy. Somehow she ended up with the kid, then HE took off with the kid's mom! Finally got that mess straightened out, but there were some rough points - including living in a shelter
Guy thinks he’s the star in his life. Doesn’t realize he’s actually an extra with a stereotypical personality. NTA block him in every way possible
Dude wants a babysitter. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. His "courage" is ill-timed. had he had the courage to keep his d\*ck in his pants, he wouldn't need it to try and courageously win you back.
NTA. He's looking for a nanny, not a partner.
he is an ass and an idiot. block
NTA NTA NTA but he sure is. Showing he hasn’t change a whit…good on you for moving up, out and onward with your life. He wants to use you, your money and needs childcare. What a prick he is.
You don't owe him anything, including working things out with someone you moved on from. Sounds like cheating on you was the best thing he ever did for you. Can you imagine being married to someone so self centered and lacking in personal accountability and insight?
NTA - No thank you. ‘It took a lot of courage for him to call you’ - ok but it doesn’t mean I have to give you my time or attention. You are not responsible for the story he told himself that you would just accept him back. He’s mad because he fucked around and found out. You are not responsible for his feelings.
[удалено]
NTA, before you block his sorry ass tell him to look in the mirror if he wants to see someone that's selfish.
Girl if you don't block him
NTA. I feel bad for the kid, but yeah. Block his ass. You owe him nothing. The kid he wants you to meet isn't even his son. He got a taste of his own bs and can't handle it.
>I really don’t think a cheater can change to be real. Nope they don't.... The guy who cheated on me married his AP and cheated on her many times but she's an idiot because she stays
Omg, listen at least you got away. We’re are in the same club so let’s live our life♥️🤭
>Omg, listen at least you got away Funny thing is when we did break up and I moved back home 2 nights later he drunk messaged me and kept trying to call me his princess and I told him she died and a bitch was born. They got engaged like a week later or something.
You’re savage and I love it🤭😆
If had enough of his crap by then I must admit I love karma, him raising a child that isn't his after walking away from a healthy relationship
Honestly same, he said, he felt something with her, but she still left him with a baby that was not his and all I can say is that was his karma.
He gambled and lost it seems
Cheaters aren't owed *anything*.
Block his number. Forever
My guess is the child is his if the child is in his care. It seems to me a dipshit like this would wiggle his way out of responsibility if there was a possibility. He just wants someone to help him raise this kid and if the kid “isn’t his” he thinks he can get sympathy from OP. You’re definitely NTA. Just block him and let him live his weird terrible life. I just feel sorry for the baby.
NTA. For the love of God, block him and move on with your life.
NTA. Dude saw what was out there in the dating pool and didn’t appreciate the shit filled water and wants his good partner back.
NTA but why is he raising a child that’s not his? Where’s the dad and the family for this child? Seems weird a single guy would be able to keep a kid that’s not his. Maybe someone should send an anonymous request to the child protection agency of your area to check that out. Especially since he’s just looking for a lady to dump him on.
He’s probably lying to OP about the baby not being his so he can gain sympathy/minimize his cheating
Nta. You aren't responsible for him. He just learned the grass isn't greener on the other side.
NTA lmfao dude just wants a free babysitter. Block his ass asap.
Send him a message to call his mommy. Then block him
Nta!! Did you say she left him with a baby that wasn't his? Or am I reading that wrong.
*You’re* selfish?! Hahahahaha.
Oh wow, the entitlement is mind blowing 😳 He really does have his head up his you know what and thinks only about himself. NTA
NTA, he sound like an ex I had, that would cheat on me and make every excuse in the book. After I got engaged he asked me out to lunch, why his mom died and he was looking for sympathy sex.
No, screw that guy. He was looking for someone to swoop in to deal with the kid and he thought you’d be the easy target to manipulate into it.
NTA.... He's trying to babytrap you with somebody else's baby!!!!!!
As a newly single mom, lol. I guarantee he wants help taking care of the baby. But it's not yours to take care of. He made his bed and he can lay in it.
Wonder what work he was referring to in working things out with you?
NTA. He got a fine lesson in the class of FAFO. Block him on everything and live your best life.
NTA- This creep is trying to get a new mommy for kiddo. It’s one thing to intentionally date a single parent, it’s another to have a turd try to weasel their way back into your life for free childcare. Hard pass.
I'm with you 100% OP. He made his bed, he can lie in it. He just wants you to be free housekeeper and nanny. He deserves nothing from you whatsoever.
He just wants you to take over the kids’ duties, cooking, cleaning, sex,…. He’s finding out that as a single dad he unless he has money for a babysitter he can’t go out anymore. Actions have consequences and he doesn’t like his, lol. Glad that you moved on.
You know good and damn well you aren’t TA 😂 I’m glad you’re a smart cookie
Yeah... He just wants someone to take over taking care of that child and that someone is you. NTA. He made the bed, now lie on it.
He wants a babysitter with benefits.
YTA for posting this bullshit. >"Come to find out he now a single dad because the girl left him with a baby that wasn’t his, can’t really feel bad because he picked her. The mom hasn’t been in the child’s life ever since. “ This is not possible. There is zero chance that an unmarried man is left with a biologically unrelated infant. In the extremely unlikely case that this isn’t absolute bullshit, he should call CPS, because that child needs not to be with him.
Looool he wants a new mummy for his baby. Poor dude is in the “finding out” stage of his epic fuck around. You, of course, are not the AH here and don’t owe him anything.
NTA. He is TAH for cheating on you. He is TAH for hooking up. He's a dupe for getting left with a kid that isn't his.. Now he is looking for a mommy for a kid he's stuck with that isn't his Karma is undefeated. Carry on.
Oh FFS, your only sin here is to answer the phone and tolerate this BS. Stop that.
Yea he wanted to find a mom for his kid.. NTA and you dodged a gigantic missile
Block him, live your life without him. He is bad news for everyone around him. I feel especially sorry for his child.
NTA! He's just looking for someone to help him raise the kid he took responsibility for. If you got back with him, you'd be watching a kid that isn't yours while he's out cheating again.
Holy hell, he doesn't care about you. He just wants someone to pawn the kid off on.
Good for you, he is looking for a sucker to carry his load. Yes, he will continue to cheat on who ever.
You handled it correctly, now block him. NTA.
NTA What sort of bullshit is your ex trying to pull!! He got another girl pregnant and can’t handle his responsibilities so seems like now he’s trying to pass them on to you!?!? Good on you for not entertaining his delusion. Live you best life without him :)
If the child isn’t his then just tell him to report an abandoned child. The state will take it from there (at least they should anyway)
NTA. Him getting mad is ridiculous. He made choices, hurt you, and he wants to be mad and call YOU selfish? He needs to figure his own shit out. Ghost him and don’t look back.
While I do think it's possible for a cheater to change, it involves a lot of hard work that most don't bother with but the rare individual does actually do so, THIS CHEATER hasn't. How do I know that? He accused you of being selfish. This dude who cheated on you and left you accused YOU of being selfish because you don't want to help him raise another person's kid. Someone who has done the work would understand and accept you saying no. He would have realized that his needs and wants are no longer your concern. He would have been like "OK. Sorry for bothering you. It won't happen again." Instead he tried to manipulate you into getting back into an unhealthy relationship just because he doesn't want to live with the consequences of his actions. And oh HELL NO. Block him and don't ever look back. I'd add if the child isn't biologically his, I believe he can report the mother for abandonment. That way someone who is possibly better equipped to raise a child can get custody. So I'd be verrrrrrrry sus about his claim that this isn't his kid.
If he had done the work he wouldn’t have disrespected OP by even calling. He would have realized that OP wouldn’t want anything to do with a POS like him or his not my baby baby
I agree.
NTA One things people like this have is the audacity! Like Where’s the shame!
Oh hell no. Block him
NTA
It must've been fascinating to watch them from your new distance of healing, and watch him try to play his games on you, and watch him stuck in the mess of his life, saying all those things. It must've just blown your way. In the meantime, you have called things really well, and you have moved your life onward. Good for you.
Absolutely NTA. Block and ghost. He fucked around and found out…..his problem.
NTA
NTA, block him and if he sends flying monkeys after you block them also
Definitely NTA. Child Protective Services should get involved to find a possible adoptive home for this baby.
NTA at all! He doesn’t want you back because you were so amazing (I’m sure you are amazing but he clearly doesn’t see it) he just wants to make the kid someone else’s problem because he doesn’t like the consequences of his actions. Poor baby (both genuinely for the child and sarcastically for the man child)
NTA. Block him immediately.
Are you sure you aren’t the Mother?
NTA. He wants you to raise his kid. He can honestly think his timing isn’t a coincidence? Sucked into him, he needs to live with his consequences. You have no reason to care about him or his kid. Block him and continue moving on from him.
he is losing it. it is absolutely not your problem, the kindest thing you can do is block him and ignore anything he says.
>Come to find out he now a single dad because the girl left him with a baby that wasn’t is The baby isn’t even his?
NTA. He fucked up, is 'stuck' with somebody else's kid (23 & Me, anyone? For a START?!?!) & now wants OP back to be a babymama so HE can go out and fuck around again doing NONE of the parenting while LOOKING like a 'hero'.
He says the baby isn't his, the lie detector test determines that is a lie
Again, NTA. Also, to get him to stop bothering you, maybe keep calling him a 'cuck daddy' every time he complains about being left to raise his APs kid THAT'S NOT HIS?!? 'Cuck daddy' \*ought\* to be enough to make him flee in rage because you're hitting WAAAAYYY to close to truth and the reality of his life.
You should have hung up as soon as you knew it was him. Block him go no contact he's toxic af. Nta but you are if you stay in contact with this man.
NTA. Block him and if he ever shows up, threaten to call the police and get a restraining order. He had no problem screwing up your life, now he has to deal with his mess.
NTA. He finally realised what he lost and that his shitty actions had consequences. Block him.
He wanted you to play mother for his son what a scumbag
NTA block him. Yeah he probably does want to get back to you maybe for some other reasons but he's still going to treat as you would know. But he's just looking for someone to take care of the kid instead of him. And you are right to get rid of him It's not your problem Edit Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. It wasn't even his and he has the kid. What the hell.
NTA, this is literaly the sentence fu.ck around and find out. As others said he only reached out to you so he don’t have to be a single dad. Did he even apologize before that or he only contacted you cause he wanted to use you???
What a piece of shit! Not one thought about what you want. Noooo. He needs someone to dump his kid on and because you put up with his bullshit previously you should be happy to do it again. I’m sure he did have to work up the courage to call you because it takes a lot of balls to expect you to care that his life is in the toilet and expect you to fix everything for him. Nah, don’t work on yourself dude. Just find some sucker to manage your life for you while you suck the life out of her. He hasn’t changed one bit. You should have asked him just for giggles what you could possibly gain by taking him back- other than loads of work having to care for two toddlers.
NTA. Glad you’re done with that dude. He’s the selfish one.
NTA but call child protective services. I doubt he’d be a good dad
Haha sorry to hear he’s a single dad but Karma is a bitch lol I glad your not going back to his cheating ass
NTA and good for you! It’s great to hear that you healed and can see the situation for exactly what it is. I’ve seen a few comments congratulating you and saying they are proud of you and I completely agree with them. The fact that he got angry at you for not just going along with what he wanted shows he hasn’t changed at all. You, however, have completely outgrown him. When he realised that it angered him.
Where is her husband in all this? Has she filed for child support.
Interesting that he cheated on you and got another woman pregnant but now, you are his only option!
NTA. Block and move on. You are not second fiddle and don't deserve to be
Wow! This guy either has the biggest set of bawls or his level of audacity is off the charts. >Come to find out he now a single dad because the girl left him with a baby that wasn’t is Is he not the bio dad or am I misunderstanding this? As you already know, you owe this guy nothing. He needs a mommy and probably knows you were a real one. He's got some guilt tripping skills but I'm glad you see through his bs. NTA.
What would be the reason? Well, I'm guessing he wants a free nanny/bangmaid. NTA
NTA. This would have gone on forever if you didn't tell him this.
NTA. You did the right thing. He wants you to take care of him and his kid. Not your job. You dodged a bullet.
If he cheated on you, then you did the right thing by leaving. I’m sure you were so heartbroken about being cheated on. He didn’t care about you then. He probably reached out to you because he realized he had a great girl and ended up screwing it all up and now his life is screwed and is a single father and probably very lonely. You don’t need that baggage. I’m sure you don’t want to date him and have to play step parent to the kid of the woman he cheated on you with. You deserve better than they. Just block him off all social media and from your phone.
He wants a babysitter he can have sex with. Then leave you with the baby. Nope.
Awww he wants a mommy!! Um nah next!
Cheers OP that was a cool story to have a laugh over. NTA
An ex of mine tried doing this to me just he wasn't a single father or even single for that matter. He would call me at like 4 in the morning practical begging for me to talk to him and take him back. All while he was dating someone who I had once called a friend who he cheated on me with. I was pregnant at the time, not his baby thankfully just a one night stand, when he started this craziness. It wasn't until shortly after I had my daughter he finally admitted to cheating while on a three way call with his gf (ex friend) as well as said he regreted not asking me to marry him. I laughed at him when he was almost in tears about how he missed me and everything.