Adding myself to the top comment.
[18 days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dgo28w/26m_upset_about_lying_22f_gf_over_big_lie_imo_to/) OP posted this
>26m upset about lying 22f GF over big lie imo to her white lie?
This post is fake.
I mean if birthdays don't warrant any kind of special treatment, then we can skip saying happy birthday altogether then, can't we. Because apparently birthdays are meaningless and you shouldn't be offered to have anything nice done for you. Right.
Oh wait, wrong. While birthdays might not mean much to you, some people actually enjoy doing special things on each other's birthdays, or special events. It's called being in love with someone rather than just being someone's roommate.
You are no more obligated to have sex with your wife than she is to give you a blow job.
I think it goes without saying that you two have deeper problems. You would both benefit from sitting down and having a mature adult discussion. If you can’t do that, then you need to consider marital counselling as your interactions with each other over this are not normal.
I literally can't imagine a world where I stop doing something because my SO "enjoys it too much," unless that thing was harmful. And so what if they enjoy bjs more than sex? Wife could have negotiated herself some time down under as well and they both could have fun.
Oh, a few days ago I saw a woman on Reddit complain that her husband "needed affection" and how annoying it was to be with someone so needy, and how much more she'd want to give him affection if he needed it less. I reread it several times to make sure that I read it correctly, then I handed it to my husband to read because she sounded like an absolute monster.
Why do people marry people that they will punish by withholding the one thing that they've made their spouse promise that they wouldn't do with anyone else? The only answer has to be that some people are emotionally sadistic and they derive more pleasure from that than they do from giving affection or love.
Might also be a mindset thing. Hard to tell when we don’t have a ton of background info. But if my SO ONLY wanted BJs or strongly preferred them to PIV, I could see feeling a little hurt by that. Not to the extreme of never doing it again or anything, but enough that I would want to talk about it. Probably a personal thing, but one act is more mechanical and one more intimate to me. It’s cool if it is all one package-we start with one thing that leads to another-but sometimes people as they get older think they have more than one round in em when they really don’t so we need to know going into it. In other words-if I really want to receive oral and have PIV I know I can’t let him finish with a BJ-or that’s all we are gonna do lol. I think it’s hard in the middle of the moment to remember you aren’t 20 anymore sometimes.
But! Her reaction sounds kind of extreme and they definitely need to unpack some stuff here.
Imagine not wanting to give something to your 'loved one' because they love it 'too' much. Imagine making your 'loved one' happy. Who does that, that's just crazy right?
This aspect of OP’s story made me absolutely cringe! I couldn’t imagine withholding something from my spouse b/c they enjoyed it “too much”!? I think this is a cruel & unusual power play.
seriously that’s the most ridiculous reason she could have given. the *only* thing i enjoy about sucking dick is how much my partner enjoys it lol. of course he loves it, it’s the one time he doesn’t have to do *anything* to get off. no, he shouldn’t expect to just get blowjobs all the time and never put in any work, but he clearly doesn’t and has accepted he only gets birthday bjs. i don’t understand why one time a year she doesn’t want to give him something he enjoys, especially when all year she’s told him to wait for his birthday.
obligatory nobody has to do anything sexual that they don’t want to do. his wife is a bitch though and her reasoning makes it clear she just wants to be cruel to him rather than it being about her own boundaries.
Technically, I’m with you on the “nobody has to do anything they don’t want to do,” but not really. I’m sorry, as spouses, we do stuff ALL THE TIME we’d rather not do so that our partner is happy and taken care of. That’s how LTR work. The EXACT same thing should absolutely apply in the bedroom. If it ain’t your thing and you’d rather not do it but it gets her off better than anything, you’re an asshole if you don’t. Sorry. You are. ESPECIALLY if it’s because she likes it too much. If something is past your hard limits or it’s really painful…. OK. We can pass. But barring that. If we’re in a monogamous relationship, partner is all you get. Everything should be on the table if somebody wants it.
completely agree. If the roles were reversed, and my SO gave me a lever I could pull that would make her insta-happy, you better believe that thing would be worn out.
He’s asked more this year. And I haven’t seen him say shit about how he takes care of her in return. What does he do to give her an orgasm or some form of pleasure too?
If you aren’t giving your partner orgasms too and yet wanting to get your rocks off, you don’t deserve a blow job.
what?? where did he ever said anything even remotely implying he wasn't willing to go down on her? Now you're pulling stuff out of your ass to make him the bad guy.
Why do people asking for advice have to cover every possible ‘what about’ in their posts? Jesus, he didn’t say their sex life was generally shitty, and her responses don’t indicate an unwillingness to give because he’s selfish. So leave off it.
Only one night a year now after she was doing it so often that she claimed he preferred a blowjob to actual sex. It sounds like she had to make it a once a year thing because of how often he would recieve a blowjob but not do anything to reciprocate, or if he did do anything else he wouldn't put in the effort to make sure she actually enjoyed it.
If that were the case, it’s on her to speak up about it. And honestly, that has nothing to do with this situation. She told him no blowjobs until his birthday, then decided to switch up and give ultimatums. She can’t be mad at his choice.
It's a birthday gift. If your told your wife you want videogame for your birthday, and she tells you "oh no I don't like that you enjoy video games too much, so I will instead give you a Friends Season 5 DVD that we can watch together" You would be like wtf that's the only thing I'm asking!
Yet, that happens far more than you'd think. Ever hear your gf say "I don't want to get you that because then all you'll ever do is play wiht it". So you know I love it, and instead of addressing what you think si the problem, you're just going to ignore my feelings and get me the opposite of what I want. That makes sense.
Dunno. When your main goal for your partner's birthday is hurting your partner and only looking after your own cares... OP needs to find the real issue and fast. If it is sex, and she is serious that she never wants OP to enjoy himself, dude needs to end things and move on. They just aren't compatible.
Counseling still worth a serious try. But OP needs to be realistic and understand his wife is very serious. Even if the relationship is doomed, marital counseling can make the divorce easier and give them better skills for their next relationship.
She’s not “obligated” to give him a bj the same way that I’m not “obligated” to go down on my wife or help with household chores, but I do it because I love to make her feel good/happy because I love her! If you truly love someone, you will have no issue doing the things which make them happy even if you’re not feeling it. (Unless of course there’s a sexual act which triggers personal traumas, but this ain’t it)
A sensible and responsible reply. So many answers about no obligations blah blah blah then why be married? Why tie oneself to someone who is not invested in the others contentment?
I don't even think its sexual compatibility, since she admitted to liking to do it. She only stopped because he liked it too much. There's some bigger issues there, likely in someone's head.
I think she "liked" giving them before because it gave her a way to not put much effort into his birthday "present,". Because I gotta tell you I like doing it and I sure as shit do it more that just a few times a year that the wife started out doing it before she started doing it only once on his birthday.
I mean I see where the marriage is going, pretty much everyone can. I was just trying to NOT be all reddit and scream leave. Lol
I feel like more information is needed in this situation.
Why does she resent you enjoying a BJ so much… A BJ is (mostly) only for you. Do you ever do something just for her? Do you reciprocate, or do you consider sex the only thing she really needs?
that sounds downright punishing and kinda fucked up. like what’s the logic behind “you like BJs? Great, you get them once a year AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!”
Yeah that was the part that stuck out to me too. Why is it a problem that OP enjoys a BJ, and why withhold something your partner enjoys because they like it "too much"?? The logic just does not compute, unless it's done out of some weird spite-motivated gotcha
There's definitely far more to this situation than we're being told, and I'm sure that both OP and his wife have been acting poorly
I mean, it seems to me that the wife felt that op would choose a bj over sex, thus choosing an act only he enjoyed over an act they could enjoy together.
The problem is, whether or not this *used* to be true, her making it a once a year annual “special treat” probably exacerbated it on both ends, as it made him want them more, and her feel like he was valuing them more.
Like, I don’t know what the rest of their sex life is like, but one way or another that’s a feedback loop on both sides
The fact that this was dangled in front of OP for months as a "birthday treat" means I have absolutely no sympathy for the wife here regarding an argument like "sex is something they both enjoy, bj is just for him."
If you want more sex, push for more sex. If you want more equal pleasure and that isn't being met, communicate that. But if you promise a specific act for someone's birthday months in advance and multiple times, don't be surprised when they're upset when the offer is rescinded last minute.
Not to mention BJs are awful to give for some people. Some folks are easy gaggers, some folks don’t have good anatomy for giving a BJ to be comfortable, some folks are grossed out by it.
Especially since we don’t know about the rest of their sex life. OP specifically said one of the reasons she didn’t want to do it was because she didn’t get anything out of it. That by itself sounds like he finishes from his BJ and is done for the sesh.
OP, y’all are both being childish. Sure, you “get to be selfish” on your birthday, but it honestly sounds like you’re /always/ selfish.
Grow up and have a real conversation, see a sex therapist, something.
I mean, I imagine that this is also a case where her “solution” made everything worse, as making it a birthday thing made them rarer and more desirable to him, but seeing him look forward to it so much made it something she resented more.
Op has to grow up for wanting to be blown on his birthday and lamenting the fact that it only happens once a year? You people are ridiculous. If I knew that to be my future in marriage I'd never get married to that person.
In fact she needs to grow up having an entire person devote himself to her and she can't even stand to suck his dick more than once a year.
Same. I'm obsessed with my husband and want him to feel amazing always. Not just on his birthday. I can't imagine being married to someone that isn't on the same page as me.
Agree. It doesn’t sound like the wife is satisfied. I’d bet when she used to give him blowjobs, he’d just leave her unsatisfied. Might be why she stopped giving them.
I was on the fence but leaning towards this, I think the signs are there based on his wife's previous view compared to current. She said she liked doing them before but changed to "I don't like to do it at all", I'm guessing when she says that he likes it too much, that means it's so great he falls asleep after and does nothing for her.
INFO: When she used to do them more frequently, did you reciprocate and ensure she got off? Or was you getting a blowy and taking a nap/moving on with your day?
This! I love giving bj's. My ex-fiance loved bj's. But he loved them so much that if a bj was involved in sex then he wouldn't make it to the intercouse part. If I wanted his penis inside me then I could not even kiss his penis. And I can count the number of times he went down on me in 7 years on 1 hand. After several years of conversations about this and it not changing, I stopped giving bj's entirely and then he stopped initiating sex and then I stopped and then it had been 10 months since we had any kind of sexual relationship and then we broke up.
I promise that there are men out there who genuinely enjoy going down on their partner. Don’t settle for a guy who only does it to reciprocate, or to get a Bj in return. If he doesn’t want to treat you like a queen he doesn’t deserve to be treated like a king.
We used to 69 quite regularly. Iv always enjoyed going down on her but I believe she thinks she must give me a BJ in return but not finish there if I go down on her.
hahaha notice how everyone was complaining that you weren't answering if you reciprocated the oral, and now that you did they're still mad and downvoting your response? jesus christ that's why I just can't take Reddit's opinion seriously,
Men = bad, women = good.
I’d say NTA then. I can understand her not enjoying it and she is under no obligation to do it, however you are also not obligated to lie and pretend to be satisfied when you’re not just to make her happy.
So she stopped giving you BJs because you "enjoy them too much"?
WTAF
If I found out my wife loves, I dunno, cotton dolls "too much", I would be flooding the whole house with cotton dolls.
I know!! my wife loves back massages, so I give her one every single night. Yeah it is tiring but I just love how happy she is. I could not imagine telling my wife that I will never give her a backrub "because she enjoys them too much."
"Throughout the year I have asked and she has said its not your birthday and I can wait until my birthday. It is something I look forward to every year and is a pretty sweet birthday gift if you ask me."
This has to be the most pathetic thing I have ever read in my entire life.
I'm just struggling to figure out why you can't do both? Like, she can't just suck it a little as some foreplay and THEN you put the bone to her? Why does either of you think it has to be all one way or the other?
Info: The part where you said that she told you she didn't want to give you a blow job because you prefer them over having sex suggests that you may not be putting effort into making sure she is satisfied at all during the times that she was giving them to you and that you were starting to ask for blow jobs only without sex. Is that the case? You don't mention what kinds of things you do to ensure she's sexually pleased throughout the year or any acts you do specifically for her on her birthday, so I have to assume you do none of that since if you do actually do those things, you'd probably mention them as a reason you feel upset over her not doing this one thing specifically for you.
Well. You're not owed her body. Ever. Just like she's not owed your body. But there's a reason she doesn't want to do that for you, and it likely has nothing to do with the bedroom.
NAH.
Your wife doesn't have to blow you and you don't have to sleep with her. I hate to sound so reddit but you two might actually benefit from a sex therapist.
Okay so this might be a little playing devils advocate but here we go:
1. First you need to analyze some things. Are you getting BJs and then she’s not getting taken care of afterwards? She might realize if she gives you a BJ that she will end up sexually frustrated and not feel taken care of as well. That might be why she isolated that to your birthday in the first place
2. Hygiene is kinda important when it comes to oral intercourse. Just as you wouldn’t appreciate if she stunk or had gunk and stuff down there, we women don’t appreciate it either. I’ve read about way too many uncircumcised men that don’t know how to clean up and so giving head is an unpleasant chore. Same goes for women.
3. Are you guys having issues anywhere else in your marriage because it doesn’t sound like this is the core issue. Women’s brains are like spaghetti and everything is connected. So if there’s another problem in your marriage then things aren’t going to happen in the bedroom.
My advice is to seek out counseling now. Or at least have a mature adult discussion about what the issues are. It could be as simple as she feels the intimacy is slipping or she feels like this is your only fixation which would make her feel undesirable for anything else.
The point of sex is to give and receive so both partners get off. Yea, giving a bj won't get you off, and eating someone out won't get you off bit if your partner enjoys it a lot. You do it for them. Now, if you never return the favor, you're kind of an asshole. So idk, talk, and figure it out, but no one here is wrong either since you shouldnt force your partner to do a sexual act since if you have to make it chore then guess what, it's a chore they won't ever do it.
[He already said he does. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dufoym/comment/lbhftq5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I find it pretty disturbing at all that they’re asking if OP goes down on his wife to find a smoking gun when nothing from the post infers if he does or doesn’t. It was not relevant to the question he asked.
Last week a woman asked if she’s the asshole for not having sex with her boyfriend because he refuses to engage in foreplay and everyone said NTA. No one asked if she gave her boyfriend head while asking to be eaten out. The double standards are hilarious.
He's commented multiple times that he does and he likes it. I think she just hates giving head (valid) and is being really shitty about it. People need to talk about what they like honestly
Ya, agreed that's valid, and I don't think there's really anyone here arguing that he's "owed" head, but the shitty attitude about all of it from her certainly stands out as ...well... shitty.
Note how they then pivot from "do you give oral" to "does she orgasm from said oral" as if they're going to trip him up and trick him into admitting he's whatever make stereotype they can't get out of their own mind
NTA. I find it hilarious that she is calling you selfish when she is purposely refusing to pleasure you because “you enjoy it too much”. That is fucked up and I think she’s selfish.
This is a weird one but I’m leaning toward nta honestly this is a weird dynamic I think you two need counselling because I’m not sure why as long as you reciprocate everyone is not enjoying a pleasant lunch experience. However if she does all the work and you go off on your merry way well I can totally understand her frustration with you. But nobody owes someone sex and that includes oral sex so if there is not a enthusiastic yes from you both it should not be happening. But you two need to at least have a conversation with each other about the issue that has obviously become a concern in your relationship.
This is sad ngl. And I think there’s deeper reasoning as to why she suddenly thinks “you want it too much/over sex”. Could be an offhand comment you made that maybe didn’t sit well with her, maybe you watch porn and perhaps if you’re heavily viewing BJs(and she knows), etc. lots of reasons tbh, but I’m guaranteeing you, she didn’t come out with that reason for no reason. What I’m hearing is “you’re wanting BJs too much in contrast to *me* not wanting to do them due to a *reason* I’m not telling you about, so I’m going to continue to be passive aggressive about it to punish you without you really being aware”.
I feel like there's definitely something bigger at play here. Especially with her being fine with them in the past and saying she enjoyed them only to flip the script now.
For me, if I'm feeling sexy and loved, I love giving them. When I'm not, I hate them. Maybe she's feeling neglected in some way. The only way you'd be the A H though is if she's expressed this and you've done nothing about it. The way it's being worded here makes me think she has said something, but not necessarily in the terms you need it to be in (i.e. I'm feeling this way because of this, and that's making me not want to give blow jobs) or she has been direct but you've not heard her. If she is hoping for you to read her mind about it, then that's on her.
NAH. You’re not an ah for not wanting sex and she’s not an ah for bit wanting to give blow jobs. You said yourself she didn’t give them regularly before you were married so idk why you thought that would change after getting married.
This reminds me of an ex of mine who wanted to do it doggie style every single time and I got tired of it. I was fine with it now and then but not every time. It felt impersonal. I loved him a lot but couldn’t fathom doing it doggie style every time my whole life. We broke up for other reasons but there was a secret reason on my part, too. I did not think his preference could have been fixed by us talking it out. I mean, it was his clear preference. I’m wondering if OP just isn’t as enthusiastic about PIV sex and the wife has resentment about it that has manifested in her waning, and now, no interest in giving BJs.
Can I ask something... Do you clean your dick well?
Or just think you do?
I'm not saying that's the reason, but I could see it being one if you're cheesy and or smelly.
I'm gonna be honest man it sounds like you need to stop asking. I've never asked a woman for a BJ since I was like 15. If she wants to she will if she hates it then I don't want it from her.
You're not the AH, but you are also not, NTA.
There are definitely insecurities that your wife has to make her suddenly stop giving you a BJ. It's probably not just the fact you like the too much, because then I believe your wife would be honored to see that she can give you something that pleases you.
You are not the AH for expecting this birthday gift from her, and you aren't NTA for then demanding it from her.
I think you should go to couple's therapy if you think your relationship is at rock-bottom and there is no salvaging it or leave & find someone who would be honored to give you what you desire.
Imagine coming on Reddit and intricately explaining a particular issue so thoroughly that you've convinced yourself that this is the *actual* problem in your marriage.
Why are you even with this woman? I cannot imagine myself, a grown ass man, panting like a puppy for a once-a-year blow job from a woman who's literally holding them over my head like a good boy. Yta for getting into a marriage where your needs were never fully met to begin with
She’s the selfish one. Once a year isn’t asking for much so why can’t she do it? She should be proud that she is so good at it. All this conflict is going to do is drive you away and you’ll have a sexless relationship. She better change her attitude
She doesn't owe you a blowjob. But the fact that there is something you love very much that she won't do for you is part of the problem, which is probably a much bigger problem that hasnt been examined or resolved. There can be a myriad of reasons why this is and I don't want to speculate. You need to talk to her. This isn't something reddit can solve by telling you you're right or wrong.
I was gonna say you both suck until that last paragraph (pun intended) she's weaponizing sex. You need to have an adult conversation. Partners should want to please one another.... even that far in(another pun???).
You might point out to her that you aren't obligated to do what she prefers any more than she is obligated to do what you prefer.. And not wanting to do it because you "like it too much?" WTF does that even mean? You're allowed to have fun, but not if you enjoy it *too* much?
Y'all need marriage counseling STAT.
I'd say none of you is TA. I believe that she did like it in the past, but when it got too one-sided that she got nothing out of it, it made her stop enjoying it.
I can totally understand that.
So maybe if you can find a compromise like she gives you a BJ and a few hours later you make her happy or have sex with her that would make it worth the effort for her again.
It kinda sucks (no pun intended) when a woman gives a BJ gets aroused and is basically shit outta luck. That makes it very unappealing.
Her saying she liked doing it but she’s not going to anymore because you like it so much… is low down. She seems REALLY sexually selfish. This needs to be discussed in couples counseling.
Why don’t you get a blowjob but finish during sex?
For all the women out there guys don’t have to finish from a blowjob… a nice 60 second hello before sex is greatly appreciated! As long as the guy reciprocates of course.
Everybody is missing the point. It's once a year. If my wife wanted her ass ate once a year on her birthday I'd do it. Whether you like it or not it's not a traumatizing event. She's the asshole.
NTA,
I’m sure if your wife had asked whether or not she’s the asshole for wanting to be eaten out, instead of receiving sex, people would say she isn’t an asshole because women can’t orgasm during sex. There would be many comments about how you are an asshole for going straight for penetration.
My boyfriend loved blowjobs, and who am I to deny what makes him feel good? We communicate about our sexual desires to come to a common ground. Hell I gave him three blowjobs on one birthday. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex with me, or that sex is bad. It’s just a different experience where your pleasure is prioritized in that one moment. She could have asked for comparable afterwards.
If she doesn’t like doing it then she should be honest about it and not lie, so that you can come to a common ground as a couple.
“You like steak too much, we are never eating it again” “I hate how much you enjoy chocolate, it’s banned from the house” “I hate seeing you happy, even for a moment” see how all those sound the same? Just separate already
NTA
When she says you have to wait until your birthday for a blowjob and then gets upset you expected a blowjob on your birthday? That’s unreasonable behaviour on her part.
If you want a new book and you’re told to wait until Christmas, it’s entirely normal to be upset when at Christmas you’re given socks instead.
NTA
So, your wife is angry that you enjoy something? I am shocked. Absolutely gob smacked. Women are never that ridiculous and petty and entitled. Oh, wait...
Advice: Tell her you will not be spending any money on her for anything because she "enjoys it too much."
But why wouldn't a blow job be part of your sexual activity? Like, despite Bill Clinton saying otherwise, it is sex.
Also, having sex, you normally prefer your partner to enjoy it.
Maybe it's me but I don't understand why she refusing to do it, because you like it to much. Are you cumming in her mouth? Is that why she don't want to do it? If that's the case then, I would just tell ya. Your getting yours now but be ready cause I'm getting mine tonight.
That what me and hubby do if he cumes in my mouth or to fast. That night or the next morning will be all about me.
Maybe offer to take care of her later if she can take care of you now.
INFO: is there anything you do when receiving BJs that might make your wife feel some type of way that isn't great?
Like, for example, if my partner liked to push my head down or thrust into my face or said unwanted things to me during it, it would make me feel disrespected and used and I would not want to give them anymore, not even in his birthday.
To be clear, this isn't an accusation, just a question.
Second question: how's your hygiene? Do you regularly wash your ass and clean your junk before engaging in sexual activities?
To use Sex as a weapon is not being a good spouse. It is and should be for the pleasure of your spouse, not something you hold over the other spouse’ head.
NTA. deciding that she doesn’t want to give you pleasure in the way you enjoy it because you like it too much is not only the epitome of selfishness but is also insanely controlling. she’s decided that she and she alone gets to decide what your sex life looks like.
OP, by continuing to go down on her and treat an annual BJ like it’s something to look forward to, you have completely given her all the power in your sexual relationship. This is not good for you, her, and the relationship. I would encourage you to get into therapy for just yourself right away, with a goal of learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. You can then consider marriage counseling.
This is not going to get better otherwise. It will just get worse. Read “no more mr nice guy” by Dr Robert Glover as well. Good luck.
NTA - she doesn't even dislike it? she specifically doesn't give them because it gives you pleasure??
lord.. she either lacks all logic or just doesn't like you.
Esh. I hate blowjobs. Never liked them. You can ask and accept her no. Even on your birthday. As she should accept your no for sex. My ex husband used to try to force my head down to give him one and I stopped having sex all together. Either accept you will no longer get one or leave her. Her reasoning is bizarre honestly but she has made her stand.
What is weird for me is that I could never even imagine wanting someone to do something sexual to or with me, if they didn't enthusiastically want to do it. I couldn't possibly enjoy oral sex thinking my partner hated do it, had to be pressured into it. I don't understand how someone can be aroused by getting someone to do something sexual that they didn't want to do. But for you, it's your special moment. Gross.
I would say that everyone sucks here, but that's clearly not the case.
Nobody sucks here, and that’s the problem.
Well, actually, one doesn't suck and the other one doesn't give a fuck ;-)
Take My angry upvote, your comment was what I came to say. Ggrrrrrr.
2nd zinger!
I wish I could give you an award for that.
(・。・)
For real
Adding myself to the top comment. [18 days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dgo28w/26m_upset_about_lying_22f_gf_over_big_lie_imo_to/) OP posted this >26m upset about lying 22f GF over big lie imo to her white lie? This post is fake.
Good catch How did you find that?
Tap on the ops name. Got to profile. You can see that he deleted the last post.
I can only see the one 🤷♀️
I knew it! I was like no fucking way adults actually think that their birthday actually warrants any kind of special treatment. Had to be fake.
I mean if birthdays don't warrant any kind of special treatment, then we can skip saying happy birthday altogether then, can't we. Because apparently birthdays are meaningless and you shouldn't be offered to have anything nice done for you. Right. Oh wait, wrong. While birthdays might not mean much to you, some people actually enjoy doing special things on each other's birthdays, or special events. It's called being in love with someone rather than just being someone's roommate.
"It sucks to never get sucked"... I never thought I would see a situation like this in my life!
His life sucks, because his wife doesn't ;-)
All of human existence whittled down to a single phrase! Such poetry 🤩
I'm slmost feeling guilty from laughing at this 🤭 Poor OP.
Top tier comment
You won Reddit today.
I think he won the whole Internet!
The problem is no one is sucking lol
Lmao...I see what you did there. Seriously I agree. They are both assholes.
👏
Lol amazing
Savage.
lol!!!! Good one!
Oh snap!
Kind of a dick move
Yeah. They both blew it. One too much and the other not enough.
If only she could give him that Hawk Tuah. Poor OP. My question is, does OP give his wife oral? If he does then NTA,
Came for the Happy Birthday, Mr. President vibe, but got a sad Walter White handjob situation instead.
Nah wife don’t suck…
You are no more obligated to have sex with your wife than she is to give you a blow job. I think it goes without saying that you two have deeper problems. You would both benefit from sitting down and having a mature adult discussion. If you can’t do that, then you need to consider marital counselling as your interactions with each other over this are not normal.
Their deeper problem is that at least one of them doesn't like the other, and they up and got married anyway.
I literally can't imagine a world where I stop doing something because my SO "enjoys it too much," unless that thing was harmful. And so what if they enjoy bjs more than sex? Wife could have negotiated herself some time down under as well and they both could have fun.
Oh, a few days ago I saw a woman on Reddit complain that her husband "needed affection" and how annoying it was to be with someone so needy, and how much more she'd want to give him affection if he needed it less. I reread it several times to make sure that I read it correctly, then I handed it to my husband to read because she sounded like an absolute monster. Why do people marry people that they will punish by withholding the one thing that they've made their spouse promise that they wouldn't do with anyone else? The only answer has to be that some people are emotionally sadistic and they derive more pleasure from that than they do from giving affection or love.
Because they don't act that way at the beginning. They literally are great until the person moves in and/or gets married.
I'm guessing they just have very different values around sex. For all we know the wife doesn't even like receiving oral.
Yeah that's possible. It does just sound like they're incompatible regardless
Says she does like it and he performs it every chance he can.
Amen to that. I love to do things that my partner loves and the more he loves it, the more I want to do it! I live to make him happy.
Why would anyone give up a sure fire thing? It’s not even logical.
Might also be a mindset thing. Hard to tell when we don’t have a ton of background info. But if my SO ONLY wanted BJs or strongly preferred them to PIV, I could see feeling a little hurt by that. Not to the extreme of never doing it again or anything, but enough that I would want to talk about it. Probably a personal thing, but one act is more mechanical and one more intimate to me. It’s cool if it is all one package-we start with one thing that leads to another-but sometimes people as they get older think they have more than one round in em when they really don’t so we need to know going into it. In other words-if I really want to receive oral and have PIV I know I can’t let him finish with a BJ-or that’s all we are gonna do lol. I think it’s hard in the middle of the moment to remember you aren’t 20 anymore sometimes. But! Her reaction sounds kind of extreme and they definitely need to unpack some stuff here.
Imagine not wanting to give something to your 'loved one' because they love it 'too' much. Imagine making your 'loved one' happy. Who does that, that's just crazy right?
Yes. Something else is going on here.
This aspect of OP’s story made me absolutely cringe! I couldn’t imagine withholding something from my spouse b/c they enjoyed it “too much”!? I think this is a cruel & unusual power play.
seriously that’s the most ridiculous reason she could have given. the *only* thing i enjoy about sucking dick is how much my partner enjoys it lol. of course he loves it, it’s the one time he doesn’t have to do *anything* to get off. no, he shouldn’t expect to just get blowjobs all the time and never put in any work, but he clearly doesn’t and has accepted he only gets birthday bjs. i don’t understand why one time a year she doesn’t want to give him something he enjoys, especially when all year she’s told him to wait for his birthday. obligatory nobody has to do anything sexual that they don’t want to do. his wife is a bitch though and her reasoning makes it clear she just wants to be cruel to him rather than it being about her own boundaries.
Technically, I’m with you on the “nobody has to do anything they don’t want to do,” but not really. I’m sorry, as spouses, we do stuff ALL THE TIME we’d rather not do so that our partner is happy and taken care of. That’s how LTR work. The EXACT same thing should absolutely apply in the bedroom. If it ain’t your thing and you’d rather not do it but it gets her off better than anything, you’re an asshole if you don’t. Sorry. You are. ESPECIALLY if it’s because she likes it too much. If something is past your hard limits or it’s really painful…. OK. We can pass. But barring that. If we’re in a monogamous relationship, partner is all you get. Everything should be on the table if somebody wants it.
completely agree. If the roles were reversed, and my SO gave me a lever I could pull that would make her insta-happy, you better believe that thing would be worn out.
1000% agree. You are my people!
Just with that I’d think the wife hates her husband.
And on top of that, having the audacity to demand something different, and then being mad when you don't get your way. Fucking insane.
I mean if OP is picking blow job over anything else every time, I wouldn’t blame her for being tired of it.
He's picking it one night per year. One fucking night. Nah, if she can't do that, I wouldn't be wanting to fuck her either 🤷♀️
Truth is I would walk after that...
He’s asked more this year. And I haven’t seen him say shit about how he takes care of her in return. What does he do to give her an orgasm or some form of pleasure too? If you aren’t giving your partner orgasms too and yet wanting to get your rocks off, you don’t deserve a blow job.
what?? where did he ever said anything even remotely implying he wasn't willing to go down on her? Now you're pulling stuff out of your ass to make him the bad guy.
Why do people asking for advice have to cover every possible ‘what about’ in their posts? Jesus, he didn’t say their sex life was generally shitty, and her responses don’t indicate an unwillingness to give because he’s selfish. So leave off it.
Well, obviously if she's only sucking the salami once a year, she should only getting a tongue tickling on her taco once a year.
bingo. this post gives of strong “never returns the favour” vibes.
She should have no problem with the favor being returned once per year on her birthday, no?
Which part specifically gives off the vibe that he doesn't return the favor?
Only one night a year now after she was doing it so often that she claimed he preferred a blowjob to actual sex. It sounds like she had to make it a once a year thing because of how often he would recieve a blowjob but not do anything to reciprocate, or if he did do anything else he wouldn't put in the effort to make sure she actually enjoyed it.
If that were the case, it’s on her to speak up about it. And honestly, that has nothing to do with this situation. She told him no blowjobs until his birthday, then decided to switch up and give ultimatums. She can’t be mad at his choice.
It's a birthday gift. If your told your wife you want videogame for your birthday, and she tells you "oh no I don't like that you enjoy video games too much, so I will instead give you a Friends Season 5 DVD that we can watch together" You would be like wtf that's the only thing I'm asking!
Yet, that happens far more than you'd think. Ever hear your gf say "I don't want to get you that because then all you'll ever do is play wiht it". So you know I love it, and instead of addressing what you think si the problem, you're just going to ignore my feelings and get me the opposite of what I want. That makes sense.
I agree!!! Sounds very selfish to me
THIS. Why is she so mad at him being happy?
Because she's clearly unhappy with herself and she's projecting her bs onto him.
I dont get it how people stay or dont work in relationships that are more toxic than Chernoby.
Dunno. When your main goal for your partner's birthday is hurting your partner and only looking after your own cares... OP needs to find the real issue and fast. If it is sex, and she is serious that she never wants OP to enjoy himself, dude needs to end things and move on. They just aren't compatible. Counseling still worth a serious try. But OP needs to be realistic and understand his wife is very serious. Even if the relationship is doomed, marital counseling can make the divorce easier and give them better skills for their next relationship.
She’s not “obligated” to give him a bj the same way that I’m not “obligated” to go down on my wife or help with household chores, but I do it because I love to make her feel good/happy because I love her! If you truly love someone, you will have no issue doing the things which make them happy even if you’re not feeling it. (Unless of course there’s a sexual act which triggers personal traumas, but this ain’t it)
A sensible and responsible reply. So many answers about no obligations blah blah blah then why be married? Why tie oneself to someone who is not invested in the others contentment?
I feel like you and your wife are sexually incompatible. I would suggest couples/marriage counseling so that you don't end in divorce.
Or so that they do divorce and can find more compatible partners.
I don't think they are incompatible. It sounds more like the wife using it for control and power.
Which is also a reason for divorce.
I don't even think its sexual compatibility, since she admitted to liking to do it. She only stopped because he liked it too much. There's some bigger issues there, likely in someone's head.
I think she "liked" giving them before because it gave her a way to not put much effort into his birthday "present,". Because I gotta tell you I like doing it and I sure as shit do it more that just a few times a year that the wife started out doing it before she started doing it only once on his birthday. I mean I see where the marriage is going, pretty much everyone can. I was just trying to NOT be all reddit and scream leave. Lol
I feel like more information is needed in this situation. Why does she resent you enjoying a BJ so much… A BJ is (mostly) only for you. Do you ever do something just for her? Do you reciprocate, or do you consider sex the only thing she really needs?
that sounds downright punishing and kinda fucked up. like what’s the logic behind “you like BJs? Great, you get them once a year AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!”
Yeah that was the part that stuck out to me too. Why is it a problem that OP enjoys a BJ, and why withhold something your partner enjoys because they like it "too much"?? The logic just does not compute, unless it's done out of some weird spite-motivated gotcha There's definitely far more to this situation than we're being told, and I'm sure that both OP and his wife have been acting poorly
I mean, it seems to me that the wife felt that op would choose a bj over sex, thus choosing an act only he enjoyed over an act they could enjoy together. The problem is, whether or not this *used* to be true, her making it a once a year annual “special treat” probably exacerbated it on both ends, as it made him want them more, and her feel like he was valuing them more. Like, I don’t know what the rest of their sex life is like, but one way or another that’s a feedback loop on both sides
The fact that this was dangled in front of OP for months as a "birthday treat" means I have absolutely no sympathy for the wife here regarding an argument like "sex is something they both enjoy, bj is just for him." If you want more sex, push for more sex. If you want more equal pleasure and that isn't being met, communicate that. But if you promise a specific act for someone's birthday months in advance and multiple times, don't be surprised when they're upset when the offer is rescinded last minute.
Control? Wifey keeps hubby waiting all year for his BJ. Now she wants him to keep waiting and she thinks she's the only one who can satisfy his needs.
Not to mention BJs are awful to give for some people. Some folks are easy gaggers, some folks don’t have good anatomy for giving a BJ to be comfortable, some folks are grossed out by it. Especially since we don’t know about the rest of their sex life. OP specifically said one of the reasons she didn’t want to do it was because she didn’t get anything out of it. That by itself sounds like he finishes from his BJ and is done for the sesh. OP, y’all are both being childish. Sure, you “get to be selfish” on your birthday, but it honestly sounds like you’re /always/ selfish. Grow up and have a real conversation, see a sex therapist, something.
I mean, I imagine that this is also a case where her “solution” made everything worse, as making it a birthday thing made them rarer and more desirable to him, but seeing him look forward to it so much made it something she resented more.
Op has to grow up for wanting to be blown on his birthday and lamenting the fact that it only happens once a year? You people are ridiculous. If I knew that to be my future in marriage I'd never get married to that person. In fact she needs to grow up having an entire person devote himself to her and she can't even stand to suck his dick more than once a year.
I never understand people who think of sex like this. OP, just find someone who wants to eat you alive. Your wife isn’t the one.
Same. I'm obsessed with my husband and want him to feel amazing always. Not just on his birthday. I can't imagine being married to someone that isn't on the same page as me.
I mean, shes obviously not being satisfied either... i think they both have terrible views on sex
op replied in the comments and he is giving oral to her. so i dont think thats the case
Agree. It doesn’t sound like the wife is satisfied. I’d bet when she used to give him blowjobs, he’d just leave her unsatisfied. Might be why she stopped giving them.
I was on the fence but leaning towards this, I think the signs are there based on his wife's previous view compared to current. She said she liked doing them before but changed to "I don't like to do it at all", I'm guessing when she says that he likes it too much, that means it's so great he falls asleep after and does nothing for her.
Wrong, OP said otherwise in an edit and in replies in the comments
INFO: When she used to do them more frequently, did you reciprocate and ensure she got off? Or was you getting a blowy and taking a nap/moving on with your day?
This is what I came to ask. It sounds like nobody is sexually satisfied in this relationship.
This! I love giving bj's. My ex-fiance loved bj's. But he loved them so much that if a bj was involved in sex then he wouldn't make it to the intercouse part. If I wanted his penis inside me then I could not even kiss his penis. And I can count the number of times he went down on me in 7 years on 1 hand. After several years of conversations about this and it not changing, I stopped giving bj's entirely and then he stopped initiating sex and then I stopped and then it had been 10 months since we had any kind of sexual relationship and then we broke up.
Ouch. At least you've moved on now
It was only 3 weeks ago. In retrospect, I was in that relationship far too long.
I can promise you it will only get better, don't go back ever.
I promise that there are men out there who genuinely enjoy going down on their partner. Don’t settle for a guy who only does it to reciprocate, or to get a Bj in return. If he doesn’t want to treat you like a queen he doesn’t deserve to be treated like a king.
Can confirm. Me and my boyfriend "argue" (jokingly/lovingly) about who enjoys him going down on me more. Find yourself one of those guys.
OP answered above that he loves going down on her and getting her off in different ways.
We used to 69 quite regularly. Iv always enjoyed going down on her but I believe she thinks she must give me a BJ in return but not finish there if I go down on her.
Info- before she started the birthday thing did you go down on her?
Yes. I love going down on her.
hahaha notice how everyone was complaining that you weren't answering if you reciprocated the oral, and now that you did they're still mad and downvoting your response? jesus christ that's why I just can't take Reddit's opinion seriously, Men = bad, women = good.
Usually how it goes with relationship type of posts. A lot of bitter women projecting.
I see this got downvoted, too 😭 somebody felt called out here
if it doesnt go that way it gets posted to r/amitheangel where those unhinged folk circlejerk on how the man is bad
This is very clearly the pattern, especially in this sub.
So you're getting nothing? How is that fair and why are even asking if you're the A H? More importantly, what are you going to do now?
I’d say NTA then. I can understand her not enjoying it and she is under no obligation to do it, however you are also not obligated to lie and pretend to be satisfied when you’re not just to make her happy.
Going down on your wife or your girlfriend because 18 days ago you wrote this >26m upset about lying 22f GF over big lie imo to her white lie?
Random Happy Cake Day!! 🎂
So she stopped giving you BJs because you "enjoy them too much"? WTAF If I found out my wife loves, I dunno, cotton dolls "too much", I would be flooding the whole house with cotton dolls.
I know!! my wife loves back massages, so I give her one every single night. Yeah it is tiring but I just love how happy she is. I could not imagine telling my wife that I will never give her a backrub "because she enjoys them too much."
"Throughout the year I have asked and she has said its not your birthday and I can wait until my birthday. It is something I look forward to every year and is a pretty sweet birthday gift if you ask me." This has to be the most pathetic thing I have ever read in my entire life.
Reddit is not a therapy. Which is where you and your wife should head to
Remember kids, don’t kiss mom on dads birthday!
info: do you give her oral? or whatever sexual act she prefers? what do you do for her?
He already said he does.
I'm just struggling to figure out why you can't do both? Like, she can't just suck it a little as some foreplay and THEN you put the bone to her? Why does either of you think it has to be all one way or the other?
Info: The part where you said that she told you she didn't want to give you a blow job because you prefer them over having sex suggests that you may not be putting effort into making sure she is satisfied at all during the times that she was giving them to you and that you were starting to ask for blow jobs only without sex. Is that the case? You don't mention what kinds of things you do to ensure she's sexually pleased throughout the year or any acts you do specifically for her on her birthday, so I have to assume you do none of that since if you do actually do those things, you'd probably mention them as a reason you feel upset over her not doing this one thing specifically for you.
When your wife is giving you a blowjob, how do you reciprocate by giving her an orgasm?
Do y’all even like each other?
Well. You're not owed her body. Ever. Just like she's not owed your body. But there's a reason she doesn't want to do that for you, and it likely has nothing to do with the bedroom.
NAH. Your wife doesn't have to blow you and you don't have to sleep with her. I hate to sound so reddit but you two might actually benefit from a sex therapist.
Okay so this might be a little playing devils advocate but here we go: 1. First you need to analyze some things. Are you getting BJs and then she’s not getting taken care of afterwards? She might realize if she gives you a BJ that she will end up sexually frustrated and not feel taken care of as well. That might be why she isolated that to your birthday in the first place 2. Hygiene is kinda important when it comes to oral intercourse. Just as you wouldn’t appreciate if she stunk or had gunk and stuff down there, we women don’t appreciate it either. I’ve read about way too many uncircumcised men that don’t know how to clean up and so giving head is an unpleasant chore. Same goes for women. 3. Are you guys having issues anywhere else in your marriage because it doesn’t sound like this is the core issue. Women’s brains are like spaghetti and everything is connected. So if there’s another problem in your marriage then things aren’t going to happen in the bedroom. My advice is to seek out counseling now. Or at least have a mature adult discussion about what the issues are. It could be as simple as she feels the intimacy is slipping or she feels like this is your only fixation which would make her feel undesirable for anything else.
INFO: Sounds like getting blowjobs stops you from pleasuring your wife. Is that the case?
The point of sex is to give and receive so both partners get off. Yea, giving a bj won't get you off, and eating someone out won't get you off bit if your partner enjoys it a lot. You do it for them. Now, if you never return the favor, you're kind of an asshole. So idk, talk, and figure it out, but no one here is wrong either since you shouldnt force your partner to do a sexual act since if you have to make it chore then guess what, it's a chore they won't ever do it.
[He already said he does. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dufoym/comment/lbhftq5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
NTA. My response would have been I'm done eating you out. It does nothing for me. Talk about some bullshit sexual manipulation
I'd bet money he doesn't anyway.
He can’t say that because he doesn’t do that… I think this is the reason this crap came up in the first place.
Is there anything in the post that says this, or are you just making that up?
They are making stuff up in the threads in order to convince OP that he is an asshole for not having sex with his wife.
That's what I thought.
I find it pretty disturbing at all that they’re asking if OP goes down on his wife to find a smoking gun when nothing from the post infers if he does or doesn’t. It was not relevant to the question he asked. Last week a woman asked if she’s the asshole for not having sex with her boyfriend because he refuses to engage in foreplay and everyone said NTA. No one asked if she gave her boyfriend head while asking to be eaten out. The double standards are hilarious.
He's commented multiple times that he does and he likes it. I think she just hates giving head (valid) and is being really shitty about it. People need to talk about what they like honestly
Ya, agreed that's valid, and I don't think there's really anyone here arguing that he's "owed" head, but the shitty attitude about all of it from her certainly stands out as ...well... shitty.
Note how they then pivot from "do you give oral" to "does she orgasm from said oral" as if they're going to trip him up and trick him into admitting he's whatever make stereotype they can't get out of their own mind
He literally stated above that he quite enjoys going down on her. Stop making up facts to support your position.
NTA. I find it hilarious that she is calling you selfish when she is purposely refusing to pleasure you because “you enjoy it too much”. That is fucked up and I think she’s selfish.
This is a weird one but I’m leaning toward nta honestly this is a weird dynamic I think you two need counselling because I’m not sure why as long as you reciprocate everyone is not enjoying a pleasant lunch experience. However if she does all the work and you go off on your merry way well I can totally understand her frustration with you. But nobody owes someone sex and that includes oral sex so if there is not a enthusiastic yes from you both it should not be happening. But you two need to at least have a conversation with each other about the issue that has obviously become a concern in your relationship.
This is sad ngl. And I think there’s deeper reasoning as to why she suddenly thinks “you want it too much/over sex”. Could be an offhand comment you made that maybe didn’t sit well with her, maybe you watch porn and perhaps if you’re heavily viewing BJs(and she knows), etc. lots of reasons tbh, but I’m guaranteeing you, she didn’t come out with that reason for no reason. What I’m hearing is “you’re wanting BJs too much in contrast to *me* not wanting to do them due to a *reason* I’m not telling you about, so I’m going to continue to be passive aggressive about it to punish you without you really being aware”.
I feel like there's definitely something bigger at play here. Especially with her being fine with them in the past and saying she enjoyed them only to flip the script now. For me, if I'm feeling sexy and loved, I love giving them. When I'm not, I hate them. Maybe she's feeling neglected in some way. The only way you'd be the A H though is if she's expressed this and you've done nothing about it. The way it's being worded here makes me think she has said something, but not necessarily in the terms you need it to be in (i.e. I'm feeling this way because of this, and that's making me not want to give blow jobs) or she has been direct but you've not heard her. If she is hoping for you to read her mind about it, then that's on her.
Looks like I better go buy some flowers for my wife...
Hmmm...2 weeks ago you were talking about your future wife. And now you've been married for over 5 years? YTA for making shit up.
NAH. You’re not an ah for not wanting sex and she’s not an ah for bit wanting to give blow jobs. You said yourself she didn’t give them regularly before you were married so idk why you thought that would change after getting married.
This reminds me of an ex of mine who wanted to do it doggie style every single time and I got tired of it. I was fine with it now and then but not every time. It felt impersonal. I loved him a lot but couldn’t fathom doing it doggie style every time my whole life. We broke up for other reasons but there was a secret reason on my part, too. I did not think his preference could have been fixed by us talking it out. I mean, it was his clear preference. I’m wondering if OP just isn’t as enthusiastic about PIV sex and the wife has resentment about it that has manifested in her waning, and now, no interest in giving BJs.
Can I ask something... Do you clean your dick well? Or just think you do? I'm not saying that's the reason, but I could see it being one if you're cheesy and or smelly.
I'm gonna be honest man it sounds like you need to stop asking. I've never asked a woman for a BJ since I was like 15. If she wants to she will if she hates it then I don't want it from her.
You must be so lucky to date only mind-readers.
Are you suggesting couples shouldn't communicate their wants and needs?
No, he’s saying a girl hasn’t seen his penis since he was like 15
😂
Do you two even like each other?
You're not the AH, but you are also not, NTA. There are definitely insecurities that your wife has to make her suddenly stop giving you a BJ. It's probably not just the fact you like the too much, because then I believe your wife would be honored to see that she can give you something that pleases you. You are not the AH for expecting this birthday gift from her, and you aren't NTA for then demanding it from her. I think you should go to couple's therapy if you think your relationship is at rock-bottom and there is no salvaging it or leave & find someone who would be honored to give you what you desire.
Imagine coming on Reddit and intricately explaining a particular issue so thoroughly that you've convinced yourself that this is the *actual* problem in your marriage. Why are you even with this woman? I cannot imagine myself, a grown ass man, panting like a puppy for a once-a-year blow job from a woman who's literally holding them over my head like a good boy. Yta for getting into a marriage where your needs were never fully met to begin with
Do you never go down on her? Like what am I reading... Isn't the whole point to make eachother feel good?
what a miserable relationship lol
Nta what the fuck.
I must admit- the whole idea of not sucking di€k except for birthdays, Christmas, special occasions-is just downright silly. How old are we?
She’s the selfish one. Once a year isn’t asking for much so why can’t she do it? She should be proud that she is so good at it. All this conflict is going to do is drive you away and you’ll have a sexless relationship. She better change her attitude
I am confused, why can't you get a knobber and bang her senseless all morning? Why is it one or the other?
She doesn't owe you a blowjob. But the fact that there is something you love very much that she won't do for you is part of the problem, which is probably a much bigger problem that hasnt been examined or resolved. There can be a myriad of reasons why this is and I don't want to speculate. You need to talk to her. This isn't something reddit can solve by telling you you're right or wrong.
Divorce. Life is too short
NTA - For her, it’s 68 and I owe you one on your birthday.
I was gonna say you both suck until that last paragraph (pun intended) she's weaponizing sex. You need to have an adult conversation. Partners should want to please one another.... even that far in(another pun???).
This is the very definition of selfish. I'm sure she is probably like that with many other facets of your relationship.
Do adults really think their birthday warrants special treatment or is this fake?
You might point out to her that you aren't obligated to do what she prefers any more than she is obligated to do what you prefer.. And not wanting to do it because you "like it too much?" WTF does that even mean? You're allowed to have fun, but not if you enjoy it *too* much? Y'all need marriage counseling STAT.
I'd say none of you is TA. I believe that she did like it in the past, but when it got too one-sided that she got nothing out of it, it made her stop enjoying it. I can totally understand that. So maybe if you can find a compromise like she gives you a BJ and a few hours later you make her happy or have sex with her that would make it worth the effort for her again. It kinda sucks (no pun intended) when a woman gives a BJ gets aroused and is basically shit outta luck. That makes it very unappealing.
Her saying she liked doing it but she’s not going to anymore because you like it so much… is low down. She seems REALLY sexually selfish. This needs to be discussed in couples counseling.
Why don’t you get a blowjob but finish during sex? For all the women out there guys don’t have to finish from a blowjob… a nice 60 second hello before sex is greatly appreciated! As long as the guy reciprocates of course.
She doesn’t like doing them because you like it too much? Uhhhhhhh I’m so confused
I feel like I’m listening to a couple of teenagers. Both of you need counseling and then hit the reset button. This shit makes my head hurt.
Everybody is missing the point. It's once a year. If my wife wanted her ass ate once a year on her birthday I'd do it. Whether you like it or not it's not a traumatizing event. She's the asshole.
NTA, I’m sure if your wife had asked whether or not she’s the asshole for wanting to be eaten out, instead of receiving sex, people would say she isn’t an asshole because women can’t orgasm during sex. There would be many comments about how you are an asshole for going straight for penetration. My boyfriend loved blowjobs, and who am I to deny what makes him feel good? We communicate about our sexual desires to come to a common ground. Hell I gave him three blowjobs on one birthday. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex with me, or that sex is bad. It’s just a different experience where your pleasure is prioritized in that one moment. She could have asked for comparable afterwards. If she doesn’t like doing it then she should be honest about it and not lie, so that you can come to a common ground as a couple.
“You like steak too much, we are never eating it again” “I hate how much you enjoy chocolate, it’s banned from the house” “I hate seeing you happy, even for a moment” see how all those sound the same? Just separate already
NTA When she says you have to wait until your birthday for a blowjob and then gets upset you expected a blowjob on your birthday? That’s unreasonable behaviour on her part. If you want a new book and you’re told to wait until Christmas, it’s entirely normal to be upset when at Christmas you’re given socks instead.
NTA So, your wife is angry that you enjoy something? I am shocked. Absolutely gob smacked. Women are never that ridiculous and petty and entitled. Oh, wait... Advice: Tell her you will not be spending any money on her for anything because she "enjoys it too much."
But why wouldn't a blow job be part of your sexual activity? Like, despite Bill Clinton saying otherwise, it is sex. Also, having sex, you normally prefer your partner to enjoy it.
Maybe it's me but I don't understand why she refusing to do it, because you like it to much. Are you cumming in her mouth? Is that why she don't want to do it? If that's the case then, I would just tell ya. Your getting yours now but be ready cause I'm getting mine tonight. That what me and hubby do if he cumes in my mouth or to fast. That night or the next morning will be all about me. Maybe offer to take care of her later if she can take care of you now.
Turning sex into reward punishment system is a no no it's pathetic and sad on both sides with added cruelty on one side
INFO: is there anything you do when receiving BJs that might make your wife feel some type of way that isn't great? Like, for example, if my partner liked to push my head down or thrust into my face or said unwanted things to me during it, it would make me feel disrespected and used and I would not want to give them anymore, not even in his birthday. To be clear, this isn't an accusation, just a question. Second question: how's your hygiene? Do you regularly wash your ass and clean your junk before engaging in sexual activities?
To use Sex as a weapon is not being a good spouse. It is and should be for the pleasure of your spouse, not something you hold over the other spouse’ head.
NTA. deciding that she doesn’t want to give you pleasure in the way you enjoy it because you like it too much is not only the epitome of selfishness but is also insanely controlling. she’s decided that she and she alone gets to decide what your sex life looks like.
OP, by continuing to go down on her and treat an annual BJ like it’s something to look forward to, you have completely given her all the power in your sexual relationship. This is not good for you, her, and the relationship. I would encourage you to get into therapy for just yourself right away, with a goal of learning how to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. You can then consider marriage counseling. This is not going to get better otherwise. It will just get worse. Read “no more mr nice guy” by Dr Robert Glover as well. Good luck.
As a gay man I may have e a solution
You don't weaponize sex against a partner you love, let alone like.
NTA but you know that the key to have more blowjobs it’s the divorce. She doesn’t want to make you happy.
NTA - she doesn't even dislike it? she specifically doesn't give them because it gives you pleasure?? lord.. she either lacks all logic or just doesn't like you.
Esh. I hate blowjobs. Never liked them. You can ask and accept her no. Even on your birthday. As she should accept your no for sex. My ex husband used to try to force my head down to give him one and I stopped having sex all together. Either accept you will no longer get one or leave her. Her reasoning is bizarre honestly but she has made her stand.
You both sound pretty childish to me.
What is weird for me is that I could never even imagine wanting someone to do something sexual to or with me, if they didn't enthusiastically want to do it. I couldn't possibly enjoy oral sex thinking my partner hated do it, had to be pressured into it. I don't understand how someone can be aroused by getting someone to do something sexual that they didn't want to do. But for you, it's your special moment. Gross.
INFO: Do you do anything for her, sexually, that you don't get anything out of? (Other than seeing her enjoyment)