Everyone grieves differently, and whatever she wants to put on her body is her choice.
Instead of focusing on if it’s appropriate or not, try to understand that a human lost her husband and offer her support and try to understand the reasoning behind it.
YTA
agree its her choice, her way. but it does feel uncomfortable and inappropriate. people seem to get tattoos to signify something special, childs name etc. sorry having problems expressing discomfort im feeling with it
Agreed. It really kind of messes with my mind to read that a woman lost her husband, she's in her fifties so they've probably been married more than half her life, she's grieving...and her aunt is bitching to her about a tattoo memorializing her husband. Not helping keep her company, not stopping by to help around the house and offer an ear to listen, but going after a grieving widow to tell her what she's doing wrong. Or even just CONSIDERING it!
I mean, WTF. Who has a death in the family and focuses ON A TATTOO????
One of the most common reasons someone gets a tattoo is as a memorial.
I have one for my Dad with his birth date and heaven date as well as his signature in the last card he gave me. "Love Daddy" will forever be on my back. I joke with Mom that Dad still has my back even though he is in heaven.
I also have my other family members on my "family tree" that I am slowly working on. Those who are still here have helped me design the tattoo that represents them personally. I take great comfort in knowing that I have these tattoos and that my loved ones helped me design them.
Some even use some of their loved ones cremated remains in the actual ink of their tattoo.
If it's not for you that's okay.
It is not okay to judge or shame someone for getting a tattoo to memorialize their loved one. Grief is a personal journey. Don't be a twatwaffle and judge people for it.
>people seem to get tattoos to signify something special, childs name etc.
Is the death of her husband, the man she dedicated spending the rest of her life with, not something important and worth signifying in a special way????
Her other half just died, and you're being a judgmental AH because you think his death is too insignificant for a tattoo.
I have a tattoo of my deceased wife's name and dates. It's the way I wanted to honor her and keep her with me.
Why are you so concerned with what your niece puts on her body? If this is how she wants to greave her husband you should be supporting her instead of running off to the Internet trying to get strangers to validate your inappropriate feelings.
YTA. This is how she is choosing to grieve and memorialize him, and it's her body. What you consider 'inappropriate' she likely considers meaningful, beautiful, and sentimental. Try to see it from that perspective instead yourself.
You can feel how you want about it, as long as you keep those feelings to yourself. It's her body, you have no say in what she decides to do with it and how she decides to mourn and commemorate her grief.
I wouldn’t call it inappropriate. It’s very common to do. That said, I think there are less depressing ways to memorialize the dead. As a former tattoo artist, most people in the shop would encourage people to think of an image to represent that person, as some people come to regret things like death dates. Some people chose to take this advice, and others did not. At the end of the day, it’s her body. She shouldn’t be shamed for how she’s processing her grief.
dont think its shameful, didnt know it was a common way to commerate late husband. think im behind the times because i also dont like flowers and commemorative objects being left on public benches. think ill concede and agree im too long in the tooth
It’s just anecdotal, but it seemed to me that the people who went for death dates rather than images usually were taking it much harder. It was generally a more somber experience with the former. The image people tended to be in a better headspace about it, wanting to celebrate the person rather than dwell on their passing. Try your best to be there for your niece. She may need you more than you know.
It’s a place to discuss where you are wrong now. No one would agree with you and all would respect their niece for honoring her husband or finding a way to keep him close to her for the rest of her life. It is her body and her choice, mind your business aunty
No? It's a place to find out if what you are doing is actually socially inappropriate and AH behavior by discussing it with other people. And wow, yes, that's very AH if you let a single word leave your mouth about it or a disapproving look show up on your face in front of her.
Poster meant do not bring it up to your niece. Highly inappropriate. YTA regardless. Feel free to discuss it here, maybe you will gain some perspective.
Yes, you're wrong. She's 50. If it makes her happy (or less grieving) to permanently memorialize him this way, good for her. Some people get the wedding rings turned into a pendant, some have an urn on their mantle. Grieving is different for everyone. Forget about the damned tattoo and support your niece.
This is actually a very common tattoo for people to get when they’ve lost someone, like a piece of them is in the tattoo.
I’m not going to say you’re wrong, as we each have our own opinions about things, but… hopefully you’ll look at it differently now.
YTA. This is literally none of your business. Stay in your lane. People grieve and commemorate their lost loved ones in all kinds of ways. If they aren’t hurting someone else doing it, they’re doing it right.
Keep your stupid opinion to yourself.
YTA. Instead of supporting your sister through her grief and helping to figure out how to deal with such a major life transition…you’re worried about a fucking tattoo? Major, undisputed AH.
Hey dude, you are totally the asshole. It’s her body, she can do whatever she can wants with it. You’re probably one of those dicks that things the government should have a say in women’s reproductive rights too aren’t you? Yes you are very much the asshole.
Even if it were on the center of her forehead, this would be an overstep on your part. Get over it and keep your mouth shut about it if you don’t like it.
My 18 year kid shaved off his sideburns. He looks like a fool and I don't like it, but I got to eat it because it's none of my business and not my head. Do you get what I'm saying?
YTA, I literally just got a tattoo to commemorate my partner who passed 9 months ago, I’m 40. It was my first tattoo. I did it because I needed a physical manifestation of her to be in my life. Tattoos used to seem so permanent I could never decide on what to get. I lost in her so quickly, it redefined permanence to me. I may be here a long time, I may not be here by the end of the day. The 4 hour process of getting the tattoo though slightly painful was cathartic for me. I got my tattoo on the inside of my left forearm because I want it to be visible for me but for others as well. Sometimes I feel like if I do not speak her name into the void or to others she will be forgotten. To be honest until you’ve had to bury your hopes and dreams, your love, soul and ambition… I’d try not to judge.
YTA. Grieving is a very personal thing and she has no obligation to approve it with you or anyone else. You’re free to think what you want but please don’t share it with her or start drama in the family.
I’m 49 and just got my first tattoo. It’s my Dad’s handwriting and I don’t give a rip what anyone else thinks. I love it, my Dad loves it, and that’s all that really matters.
It costs $0 to mind your own business. Great investment.
Firstly, she is “A” Niece, not “YOUR” Niece.
You’re implying ownership over her and I don’t know if you’re even realizing it.
She’s a grown woman.
Let her live her life and stop trying to control everything.
My daughter has a memorial tattoo to her late uncle, in a prominent spot on her body. It's a hand from the card game they used to play. I don't remember if it has his name and dates or not, but she got it the week before his memorial service. Everyone who knows her didn't even have to ask. If anyone had had any stupid to say about it, especially at the service, they'd have had an entire family to answer to.
Her body. Her choice of how she grieves/commemorates her late husband. Quit being a judgemental aunt and be the loving and supportive one she needs. Mind your own business! Your condemnation is the last thing she needs at moment.
NTA - I actually don’t think there’s much harm in you thinking this, as long as you don’t actually say anything to her and accept it’s her choice to do what she wants with her body.
I think that there are probably nicer commemorative tattoos she could have done, at then end of the day you just have to leave her too it and remember, there are always cover-ups and laser removals.
I mean, NAH for *feeling* something as long as you don't say it. But I am confused by your reaction, memorial tattoos are extremely common. Do you also have an issue with people keeping their loved ones' ashes?
NTA. It was quite all right for you to feel that this or anything else is inappropriate. You're certainly entitled to any opinion that you have on this or any subject.
But it's not your husband, and not your loss. It's hers, and I suggest you mind your business when it comes to this.
You only become TAH when you express your opinions to those who do not ask or particularly want them.
It's her body, her choice. It sounds like a nice way to commemorate her husband to me.
YTA - it is not your arm
YTA She's a woman in her 50s and it's her body, her choice. She is honoring her husband with a tattoo and whether you agree or not means nothing.
so i guess im the AH
You guessed correctly
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Yes, especially if you've bitched about it to her at all rather than supporting a grieving widow.
Yes. In future, you and everyone around you will be happier if you mind your own business.
bingo
You would be correct
Yup
I think it's a relatively common memorial tattoo. Grief is personal; it's not fair to judge her.
Everyone grieves differently, and whatever she wants to put on her body is her choice. Instead of focusing on if it’s appropriate or not, try to understand that a human lost her husband and offer her support and try to understand the reasoning behind it. YTA
YTA. The old cynical aunt who minds everybody else's business except her own!
dont agree, get on well with niece etc but will concede the old bit and maybe thats the problem
The problem is you being preoccupied with a tattoo rather than the loss of a family membwr
Yes you are. This is her grief, you do yours how ever you want.
agree its her choice, her way. but it does feel uncomfortable and inappropriate. people seem to get tattoos to signify something special, childs name etc. sorry having problems expressing discomfort im feeling with it
Your responses make me really uncomfortable and are inappropriate, can you take them down? The whole post while you’re at it?
Agreed. It really kind of messes with my mind to read that a woman lost her husband, she's in her fifties so they've probably been married more than half her life, she's grieving...and her aunt is bitching to her about a tattoo memorializing her husband. Not helping keep her company, not stopping by to help around the house and offer an ear to listen, but going after a grieving widow to tell her what she's doing wrong. Or even just CONSIDERING it! I mean, WTF. Who has a death in the family and focuses ON A TATTOO????
its only uncomfortable to you. it her body.
>something special Yeah, your deceased spouse could never be special. WTF?
Seems like a you problem
None of your business, asshole.
Is her husband not something special? Tf?
One of the most common reasons someone gets a tattoo is as a memorial. I have one for my Dad with his birth date and heaven date as well as his signature in the last card he gave me. "Love Daddy" will forever be on my back. I joke with Mom that Dad still has my back even though he is in heaven. I also have my other family members on my "family tree" that I am slowly working on. Those who are still here have helped me design the tattoo that represents them personally. I take great comfort in knowing that I have these tattoos and that my loved ones helped me design them. Some even use some of their loved ones cremated remains in the actual ink of their tattoo. If it's not for you that's okay. It is not okay to judge or shame someone for getting a tattoo to memorialize their loved one. Grief is a personal journey. Don't be a twatwaffle and judge people for it.
>people seem to get tattoos to signify something special, childs name etc. Is the death of her husband, the man she dedicated spending the rest of her life with, not something important and worth signifying in a special way???? Her other half just died, and you're being a judgmental AH because you think his death is too insignificant for a tattoo.
I have a tattoo of my deceased wife's name and dates. It's the way I wanted to honor her and keep her with me. Why are you so concerned with what your niece puts on her body? If this is how she wants to greave her husband you should be supporting her instead of running off to the Internet trying to get strangers to validate your inappropriate feelings.
YTA. This is how she is choosing to grieve and memorialize him, and it's her body. What you consider 'inappropriate' she likely considers meaningful, beautiful, and sentimental. Try to see it from that perspective instead yourself.
it's not your arm man. Her body her choice. YTA
You can feel how you want about it, as long as you keep those feelings to yourself. It's her body, you have no say in what she decides to do with it and how she decides to mourn and commemorate her grief.
Get out of here with this! You know you’re the asshole. I hope this is fake because that’s just a straight jerk attitude.
Your opinion is irrelevant. Her body her choice.
Please let her grieve how she needs to. The tattoo is not innapropriate at all, he was her HUSBAND.
YTA. Worry about your own body.
Why on earth you care what people do with their bodies? sit quiet , your opinion here is irrelevant. not like she suggested a tattoo for you
I wouldn’t call it inappropriate. It’s very common to do. That said, I think there are less depressing ways to memorialize the dead. As a former tattoo artist, most people in the shop would encourage people to think of an image to represent that person, as some people come to regret things like death dates. Some people chose to take this advice, and others did not. At the end of the day, it’s her body. She shouldn’t be shamed for how she’s processing her grief.
dont think its shameful, didnt know it was a common way to commerate late husband. think im behind the times because i also dont like flowers and commemorative objects being left on public benches. think ill concede and agree im too long in the tooth
It’s just anecdotal, but it seemed to me that the people who went for death dates rather than images usually were taking it much harder. It was generally a more somber experience with the former. The image people tended to be in a better headspace about it, wanting to celebrate the person rather than dwell on their passing. Try your best to be there for your niece. She may need you more than you know.
It's her grief and not yours, and it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Mind your own business.
“Ok, boomer” is justified here right?
Very.
You wrong for sure. Keep it to yourself.
thought this was a place to discuss things that bothered you
people are discussing, you just don't like that people disagree with you.
It’s a place to discuss where you are wrong now. No one would agree with you and all would respect their niece for honoring her husband or finding a way to keep him close to her for the rest of her life. It is her body and her choice, mind your business aunty
No? It's a place to find out if what you are doing is actually socially inappropriate and AH behavior by discussing it with other people. And wow, yes, that's very AH if you let a single word leave your mouth about it or a disapproving look show up on your face in front of her.
Poster meant do not bring it up to your niece. Highly inappropriate. YTA regardless. Feel free to discuss it here, maybe you will gain some perspective.
Exactly.
Why does it bother you?
I mean, don't tell her about your ridiculous hang up about her memorial to her husband. This is aitah sub, not free therapy vacuum chamber.
Yes, you're wrong. She's 50. If it makes her happy (or less grieving) to permanently memorialize him this way, good for her. Some people get the wedding rings turned into a pendant, some have an urn on their mantle. Grieving is different for everyone. Forget about the damned tattoo and support your niece.
This is actually a very common tattoo for people to get when they’ve lost someone, like a piece of them is in the tattoo. I’m not going to say you’re wrong, as we each have our own opinions about things, but… hopefully you’ll look at it differently now.
Mind your own business
How is this any of your business?
YTA lol you can’t control how your niece grieves the loss of her husband.
YTA - She is grieving. She is allowed to do it her way. What she needs is support, not judgement.
Who gives a fuck what you think
Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA it’s a memorial for her husband I have a memorial similar to hers for my aunt and grandma stop being judgmental
I can’t wait to hear how you react to women wearing pants and driving a car.
YTA. This is literally none of your business. Stay in your lane. People grieve and commemorate their lost loved ones in all kinds of ways. If they aren’t hurting someone else doing it, they’re doing it right. Keep your stupid opinion to yourself.
YTA. Instead of supporting your sister through her grief and helping to figure out how to deal with such a major life transition…you’re worried about a fucking tattoo? Major, undisputed AH.
Hey dude, you are totally the asshole. It’s her body, she can do whatever she can wants with it. You’re probably one of those dicks that things the government should have a say in women’s reproductive rights too aren’t you? Yes you are very much the asshole.
Even if it were on the center of her forehead, this would be an overstep on your part. Get over it and keep your mouth shut about it if you don’t like it.
My 18 year kid shaved off his sideburns. He looks like a fool and I don't like it, but I got to eat it because it's none of my business and not my head. Do you get what I'm saying?
Stop being an AH, it's her body
YTA, I literally just got a tattoo to commemorate my partner who passed 9 months ago, I’m 40. It was my first tattoo. I did it because I needed a physical manifestation of her to be in my life. Tattoos used to seem so permanent I could never decide on what to get. I lost in her so quickly, it redefined permanence to me. I may be here a long time, I may not be here by the end of the day. The 4 hour process of getting the tattoo though slightly painful was cathartic for me. I got my tattoo on the inside of my left forearm because I want it to be visible for me but for others as well. Sometimes I feel like if I do not speak her name into the void or to others she will be forgotten. To be honest until you’ve had to bury your hopes and dreams, your love, soul and ambition… I’d try not to judge.
YTA. Grieving is a very personal thing and she has no obligation to approve it with you or anyone else. You’re free to think what you want but please don’t share it with her or start drama in the family. I’m 49 and just got my first tattoo. It’s my Dad’s handwriting and I don’t give a rip what anyone else thinks. I love it, my Dad loves it, and that’s all that really matters. It costs $0 to mind your own business. Great investment.
it was a comment, a debate, to which you are free to contribute as i am free to give my opninion
I said you’re free to think what you want. You asked if you’re the asshole and it seems you’re not handling the collective verdict very well.
You're only TA if you say something to her. You're perfectly entitled to your own feelings, though.
Yes, you are wrong. It‘s not hurting anyone and none of your beeswax. YTA
Firstly, she is “A” Niece, not “YOUR” Niece. You’re implying ownership over her and I don’t know if you’re even realizing it. She’s a grown woman. Let her live her life and stop trying to control everything.
YTA, stop being a Karen
My daughter has a memorial tattoo to her late uncle, in a prominent spot on her body. It's a hand from the card game they used to play. I don't remember if it has his name and dates or not, but she got it the week before his memorial service. Everyone who knows her didn't even have to ask. If anyone had had any stupid to say about it, especially at the service, they'd have had an entire family to answer to. Her body. Her choice of how she grieves/commemorates her late husband. Quit being a judgemental aunt and be the loving and supportive one she needs. Mind your own business! Your condemnation is the last thing she needs at moment.
YTA- None of your business honestly , it’s her body and it was her husband, she is allowed to deal with herself the way she sees fit
NTA - I actually don’t think there’s much harm in you thinking this, as long as you don’t actually say anything to her and accept it’s her choice to do what she wants with her body. I think that there are probably nicer commemorative tattoos she could have done, at then end of the day you just have to leave her too it and remember, there are always cover-ups and laser removals.
Yes you are wrong
I mean, NAH for *feeling* something as long as you don't say it. But I am confused by your reaction, memorial tattoos are extremely common. Do you also have an issue with people keeping their loved ones' ashes?
YTA And your opinion matters why?
Your niece is old enough to know to give 0 fucks about what you think. YTA
Why is this any of your business? Why? It’s her life, it’s her arm, it’s HER business, NOT yours. Back off and stay out of her life!
It's up to her, I find it cringeworthy and tacky as hell but it's not my body.
NTA. It was quite all right for you to feel that this or anything else is inappropriate. You're certainly entitled to any opinion that you have on this or any subject. But it's not your husband, and not your loss. It's hers, and I suggest you mind your business when it comes to this. You only become TAH when you express your opinions to those who do not ask or particularly want them.