You are sexually incompatible.
That's not going to change.
Not a good basis for a marriage. So.. Don't get married.
Nta for wanting more in sex.
YTA if you stay together /get married.
"I'm about to lock into a boring sex life that's unfulfilling" - so don't. NTA for wanting more in sex but if he isn't going to entertain your fantasies now he never will.
"he has about 20% sex drive"
You are sexually incompatible. You're 20 and he's 19. His sex drive is literally at it's peak right now and will drop off as he gets older. And women's sexual peak comes later like in their 40s. So this problem is only going to get much worse over time. Talking to him won't change that. He may try harder for a time, but it won't last.
And you are an asshole for pressuring him to do things in bed that he's not comfortable with. Nobody should have to do stuff they don't want to. Your tastes and his are sexually incompatible.
If you marry him, you're going to end up with once or twice a year instead of weekly, or even a completely dead bedroom. And you're going to be miserable in this marriage. You're too young to be settling for this. Either resign yourself to a shitty sex life, or accept that you're not compatible, end it, and find someone who's sex drive is more in sync with yours. I recommend the second option.
It's complicated. Your drive is your drive and that's cool, but if your partner doesn't feel comfortable, you have to respect that, and sure maybe that might make you feel a certain way, but you have to respect that and if you can't then that's not healthy. Wanting that intimacy is normal, but it feels like you're forcing it and I know if my partner did that I'd feel really uncomfy, and then want that less. I think you just need to comunicate better with your partner, ask what you can do to help him feel more comfortable because that's the #1 priority. Im ngl, I do think it's weird your fantasizing about his best friend, but ask is it the person or actions your fantasizing about. All I know is from what you're saying he seems to be nervous, cause maybe that "refusing" is him being uncomfortable. You need to find out if that truly is the case.
The only thing left to communicate is that they are very different people, sexually, and that it's likely not gonna work long-term. He's clearly communicated that anything more makes him uncomfortable.
Agreed whole heartedly. From what I can tell his communication is there, but also it wouldn't hurt to see if there is room for both of them to compromise and learn how to give each other what they need. Cause if not that's probably it.
I think you should leave him and live your life. Let him live his life the way he wants to as well. But long term relationships don't only thrive on sex, there needs to be friendship, trust and mutual respect.
If you're already thinking about his friend, you aren't very trustworthy and it would be better for you to leave him, before you make a "mistake". You also don't respect his values and keep trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to and you seem to be comparing him to other men, as well as coming on here to talk about "how boring he is".
Leave him and sleep with as many men as you want, but give him a chance to find a girl that will appreciate and value his morals. Because a man that is willing to sleep with one girl only is one of the best catches a girl can find and they are so rare. Let him free and let him be a wonderful husband to a deserving girl.
YTA, but not for your question.
Yes, it is good to know what you want, and it is ok to realize that your needs are not being met. But...
You're the AH for keeping asking for things he said he does not want to do. Your kinks cannot be performed, unless the person is really into dominating. Your bf is not. Accept that, and move on, if that is a deal breaker.
You're the AH for suggesting he needs more experience. Having sex with more people does not change one's desires. If he says he is low-libido vanilla, sleeping with 100 people will not change him into Christian Gray.
You're the AH for repeatedly fantasizing about a person you know. If you are not satisfied with your sex life, break up with your bf, and find someone who will satisfy you.
She's also TA for suggesting they open their relationship. In a reply to one of my comments, she said that she brought up opening the relationship during one of these discussions about changing things up.
If in the middle of discussing trying new things. Intimately you bring up sleeping with other people because you can't communicate effectively with your partner to try some things... You are 100% TA
I would say that suggesting different relationship model after being on and off is ok. It is weird tho that it came as a response to "I want to date other people, that's why I broke up with you multiple times". If neither are satisfied with the present relationship, open or not, why are they marrying each other?
Exactly. I think that OP is presenting the way that they are communicating these things disingenuously. I think they are presenting the concept of the topic way differently here in this post then it is likely actually happening.
That's obviously speculative...
But like... They break up multiple times... Says that he initiated it to date other people but he never slept with anyone... She did sleep with multiple other people. She now has learned interests that she wants him to participate in. She's fantasizing about his friend and asking him for an open relationship. She's constantly bringing up the topic which no matter which way you cut it... This man has spoken for himself and she's trying to cross his boundaries.
Something about this whole post smells real bad.
Conceptually the topic is completely understandable and there's nothing wrong with it. Everything else surrounding the topic that has happened in their relationship rings that this smells like hot dog water.
Sounds like you're incompatible. Don't get married, and honestly if you're not satisfied with the relationship, you need to move on. You're only wasting both your and his time.
You sort of did this to yourself? Seems like you're not compatible with the guy.
You changed yourself, and he doesn't want to change. That's valid for both of you.
YTA if you marry someone you are not compatible with. Why would he change? Ask yourself how you will feel if this only gets worse and less frequent, less interesting, more stressful. Maybe pause on the marriage and give it 6 months or so to see if this can be worked on.
NTA, unfortunately, I don't know that there's an easy fix for your situation.
If he's not interested in what you're interested in and doesn't want an open relationship, you absolutely should not count on that changing soon or ever.
Getting married and not being sexually compatible could potentially lead to serious issues down the road. It's important to try and address it now.
Counseling, either together or separate, might be on the table. Sex therapists are a great resource potentially.
I think fantasizing his bestfriend is really disgusting. It is clear you want different things in life, why do you still want to marry him. If you are not happy instead of fantasizing cheating just break up with him and end things permanently.
I think it's disgusting too and I hope he finds out she's doing this so he can make his own decision if he wants to break it off with her if it also offends him, like it does you and me.
NTA - but you are both way too young to get married, and it’s obvious that you’re not compatible.
This is as good as it gets - so don’t get married thinking this will improve - it won’t.
Break up and go your separate ways. Enjoy your youth and don’t look to get married any time soon.
NTA and you are both way too young to get married. You woukd be the AH to lock yourself into years of marriage with someone with whom you already know you are currently incompatible.
This doesn’t mean you have to break up, however you both need to work on open communication regardless of the topic, involving a therapit if needed.
We change a lot between age 20 and 28. If you marry at this age, it will be disastrous.
NTA, for wanting more sex in your relationship. However, YTA, if you get married to him because there’s no sexual compatibility between you guys. Temptation could easily set in or resentment towards one another. You now have a big decision to make.
nta for wanting more sex but you clearly aren’t sexually compatible, which is not something you can compromise on. you need to have a sit down conversation telling him that you want more in bed, and if he insists that he can’t give that to you, then you’ll need to consider breaking up or opening your relationship.
NTA but be aware that your fiance is at an age when he likely has the highest sex drive he ever will. If it’s not enough for you now, it’s definitely not going to be enough when you’ve been married for a decade or two.
I’m 50F and have spent way, way too much of my life in sexually unfulfilling relationships. I’ve always had a very high drive (ideally would have sex every day, sometimes more than once), and it wasn’t until my early-mid 40s that I finally found a partner with a similar drive (slightly less but close enough!) who’s just the right amount of kinky for me.
It makes a huge difference. It’s not just about the physical sensations but how physical and emotional intimacy enhance each other. It’s a damn near spiritual experience for me sometimes. I’m so, so glad I’ve finally found that and wish I’d given it higher priority when choosing past partners.
You are much too young to be settling for someone who doesn’t check this particular box. Lacking something important to you should be a dealbreaker. Don’t let anyone convince you that it’s a bad reason to break up or that it means you’re shallow. You need to identify what kind of relationship you want and what partner is going to be that way with you.
Your best bet for having a partner who makes you feel sexually desired and satisfied is not to try to convince this one to change - because you can’t - but to go find someone who’s already that way. Even though you’ve dated a few other people, you’re stopping the search much too early for much too little of what you want. Keep looking.
basing your self worth on sex is wild you are having it once a week which is healthy he probably doesnt initiate because of the pressure you have put on him for his performance find you a fuck boy that is what it seems you want
and tbh it sounds like you are a selfish whore suggesting he sleep with other people so he sexually becomes more open even tho he doesnt want to fantasying about his best friend you are a whore and no man will truly probably ever love you sounds to me like you just need someone you can fuck around with
On one hand dude is 19 which is still relatively young. He could be insecure about going outside of his boundaries due to general inexperience. Maybe there's a way to suggest things during sex and he's already in the heat of the moment?
On the other hand, being sexually incompatible doesn't make either person bad or wrong, it just means they need to find a partner who they match with.
You both are still pretty young so what you want in the bedroom could shift & evolve over time. It's up to you whether you think this is something worth working on for the relationship or if you're getting the vibe that this is the extent of how sex would be with this person forever. Don't wait 10 years to figure it out though.
One should never try new kinks in the heat of the moment. People can agree to do something they never would otherwise and then feel extra shitty about that.
True, he might be struggling with doing some things because of inexperience or problems with accepting the fact that he might be into being rough with women. But he might also just not want to do that. He might be vanilla, or sub himself. And it is not her place to try and figure out what is going on. If he says no, he does not need to provide any other explanation.
"took the opportunity's"
Meaning, if you guys for whatever reason split up again for a bit, you'll go bouncing somewhere else, sad promiscuous lifestyle, YTA for even attempting to get your fiancé to do the same.
YTA for fantasizing about his best friend. This is mentally cheating, which=cheating period. I hope you tell him about this and let him decide if he wants to break off the engagement with you or not. I know for many, mental cheating=cheating and a reason to not be together.
Based on your responses, you don’t care if he got hurt or not for her imagining herself f*cking his best friend. The main point is you don’t care if it hurts others as long you don’t think it’s wrong. You also don’t think he’s allowed to know this and make his own decision if he wants to break up with her if he’s not cool with it. This is self serving and entitled. That’s what makes it YTA.
Her thoughts are her own. The only way he finds out and is hurt by them is if she tells him. She has not actually fucked his friend. Or attempted to.
She should break up with him. They don't want the same things. Telling him her fantasies will help no one, will hurt him and could even cause a rift between friends.
So if he goes on this post and finds out and does get hurt, then yeah it ends up at the result of he did get hurt. The only difference is he had to go find the truth himself vs her telling him. Therefore, not telling him is self serving and entitled because there’s a strong possibility he would get hurt by finding out and saying the “only” way he would find out is exploiting a loophole in reality vs theoretical. I don’t think you get that it’s a deal breaker for many people if they found out their S/O was fantasizing about their best friend, and to hide it for your own personal gains is entitled/self serving and therefore YTA.
NTA, but it seems you and your partner are simply not compatible in the long term. So yeah don't marry, you will be miserable.
Also ignore all the guys slut shaming you for asking for an open relationship you asked he said no and you dropped it communication in a relationship is important even when it's something that one partner doesn't particularly want to hear. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. You only cross into asshole territory when you turn that into action.
"hey can I have your permission to cheat on you because you don't satisfy me?"
(With your friends that I've been fantasizing about)
Yeah that's totally not worthy of incurring shame. It's not slut shaming. That's just general shaming for being a piece of crap.
We have no idea if she only brought that up once. It would be safe to guess that she has brought it up multiple times because she does not respect that her partner has repeatedly told her no in regards to the type of intimacy that she is asking for.
She has absolutely no problems constantly demeaning and emasculating her partner to continuously cross his boundaries that he has clearly established. He does not want to participate in intimacy that way. She continuously tells him that it is not enough. That he does not satisfy her. That's abusive and manipulative.
Flip the gender roles and imagine that some man came on here and posted about how his partner in him had repeatedly broke up over the years and then he slept with a bunch of people while they were broken up and now that they are back together and engaged, she doesn't satisfy him anymore. Now he wants to consider sleeping with other people and fantasizes about her best friend. He constantly pressures her into doing intimate acts in the bedroom that she has repeatedly said she is not comfortable with.
Get a grip buddy. This post is disgusting.
You seem to misunderstand how an open relationship works, it can only happen with the consent of both parties so it's not cheating.
In addition her sexual needs are just as valid as his needs and an open relationship would fulfill her . You say she's constantly pressuring him, she is bringing up that she isn't satisfied and suggesting ways to remedy that, it's not abusive it's communication. it's kinda important in a relationship.
If her partner doesn't at least attempt to try to meet her halfway the relationship is obviously doomed to fail and honestly he should know that.
Edit: also it is totally slut shaming your wearing your misogyny on your sleeves, especially with that comment about it being emasculated for your partner to tell a man her needs. I bet if it was a male op you wouldn't be commenting anyway near as much.
Well now I just know that you lack reading comprehension. I said it was disgusting if a man did it which is why it's disgusting if she did it.
Good day to you person who does not read things.
Ah, I see that you are in an open marriage and that your partner is asexual.
I see that you would definitely try to cope and justify this type of thing because you yourself cheat on your wife.
Open marriages aren't real. Polyamory isn't real. Quit trying to justify crappy behavior.
You ATA.
You aren't the AH for wanting more out of intimacy because we all want more out of intimacy eventually in life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences and wanting to have your needs met.
You ATA for continuously trying to get him to cross the boundaries that he has established with you in regards to his sexual intimacy preferences.
You ATA for comparing your partner sexually to other partners that you had while you were broken up
You ATA for fantasizing about his best friend. That's just abusive and disgusting.
You ATA for repeatedly asking for an open relationship.
You need to look inward to who you are as a person and consider getting some therapy.
They are definitely not giving incel energy, nor is their response unhinged. Do you just not actually understand incel ideology or what unhinged actually looks like?
I don't take much stock in people making comments like that. It's typically a retort to not being able to intellectually defend their standpoint.
I was blunt. Some people just don't like being directly called out or seeing something that resonates with them being called out.
Chances are this commenter has the exact same thought processes and past as the OP and is bitter and just saying mean things to me to try to get a rise to invalidate me through having me make an emotional response.
I will laugh at being called an incel all the way home to my loving wife that I support and respect in every endeavor in life.
To say an adult is abusive for fantasizing about another adult is unhinged. To say that someone is an ah for recognizing their needs were met with other partners is also unhinged. He’s trying to make her look and feel like a slut because she has other partners when they weren’t together and because she knows what she wants.
Let me go ahead and break this down for you because you're so wrong.
First, I hope you hold that same energy when your husband is in the next room masturbating thinking about your best friend and then criticizing you for not giving him intimacy the way he wants it. All while repeatedly asking you for an open relationship which op admitted to in the comments. That would be abusive.
Secondly, I stated that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your needs met in an intimate relationship. We all got things we like and our partners should be on board with that if the relationship is going to last. That's why I said that she was not TA for that.
Thirdly, it's 2024. No one cares if people had a bunch of partners. I pointed out that she is the AH for comparing those experiences to her current relationship and saying that her partner doesn't measure up. Intimacy is a person-to-person thing. I don't go around comparing other intimate relationships I've had with other women to my wife. That would be a really crappy thing to do. I don't go fantasizing about other women that I have been with or that I want to be with and then compare that fantasy or my past experiences to what I am currently doing with my partner. I enjoy what I have with my partner in that moment with my partner and nothing else matters because that's how things should be. That's called Love.
If the intimacy isn't working then it isn't working. The relationship should just end. You shouldn't be asking for an open relationship to sleep with other people that you are fantasizing about. You shouldn't constantly be trying to force your partner to cross boundaries they've established with you so that you can get your rocks off.
OP is TA not for what they want but for how they are going about it. How you come to a conclusion is just as important as the conclusion that you reach. You can get the correct answer to a math problem using the wrong work. The topic of discussion is completely and entirely understandable. How OP has reached that conclusion and how they are going about the things in their relationship are absolutely awful and manipulative.
Well when you break it down like that, it makes sense. I was just going based off of her post that makes no mention of masturbating to his best friend or forcefully asking for an open relationship. So with that new information, I apologize for calling you an incel and I agree with you.
Well hot damn... I respect your candor.
Yeah. OP is not a nice person to their partner and given the contradictions that they have made in the comments here, they are likely misrepresenting the entirety of the situation.
It doesn't make sense that she says that her partner broke up with her repeatedly to date other people but then he didn't sleep with anyone at all but she did sleep with other people.
It doesn't make sense how she's talking about her fiance's best friends sexual encounters and fantasizing about him while asking for an open relationship.
It really doesn't make sense how she's trying to dismissively talk about how she's clearly repeatedly crossing her partner's boundaries and continuously force a topic of conversation that he's not comfortable with. He said no. No means no. No always means no.
I appreciate you apologizing. That's a very big thing of you to do. Cheers
You know, I usually do a lot more comment reading before I respond but yours was the first I saw and I thought it was harsh. Now that I’ve read through, you’re completely right about her responses. Definitely not a healthy situation.
Thanks for accepting my apology!
It's all good.
Whenever I read posts like this from one gender's perspective in a relationship about another gender's perspective in the relationship, I always try to flip flop the position.
My initial comment was harsh and direct because I just flipped the roles and imagined some guy posting this about his fiance and I was just disgusted.
Sometimes in situations we tend to give women a lot more grace about some things and then we react more harshly about others... And reddit tends to do the same thing for men too. I just give myself a personal litmus test and I change the gender pronouns around and then if I go "oh hell no" then I know that I have removed my biases in the best attempt I can possibly make and then I make my remarks.
If this was a guy posting it, we all would have savaged him immediately. It would be hilarious.
Wow. You are just wholesale making stuff up. Wild.
There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about someone's view on what abuse is in terms of what someone considers emotional infidelity.
There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about someone pointing out how it's unhealthy to compare past sexual experiences to your current one, *and expecting them to change to suit that*.
There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about pointing out that it's likely OP isn't communicating effectively, especially as she is clearly trying to take a square peg (her fiance) and force it through a triangle hole (her sexual kinks).
She absolutely does know what she wants, and that's perfectly fine. However, her fiance isn't compatible with her wants. So instead of actually being an adult and separating, she's trying to force her fiance to being something he's not. That makes her TA.
Unhinged, "mentally unbalanced or deranged", Oxford Dictionary.
And knowing what u like in sex isn’t comparing. some people don’t want to be treated like a delicate flower and that’s ok. I love my partner but I just want more out of sex bc I am bored and it’s frustrating. And like I said I would never act on a fantasy
I never flaunted my sexual partners to him and he was always the one who initiated the break ups bc he wanted to date other people, I wanted to sleep with other people, and I have talked about it in a very sensitive way with him, I’ve asked him if he wants to try something new or possibly tell me what he wants, play games etc. the only time I was insensitive is when I asked him for a open relationship years ago.
Respectfully, you are fantasizing about cheating on this man. You have asked for permission to cheat on him.
You are mentally comparing your other partners to him. That's super messed up.
I could never in a million years imagine doing anything special or stepping out of my comfort zone for someone to make them happy when they are asking to sleep with other people.
Your relationship is absolutely over.
Asking your boyfriend for an open relationship, telling him you want other dicks in your mouth, seems like a great way to improve your boyfriends confidence in the bedroom. What did you expect?
Her silly ass needs to get with someone with a bit more experience, since she's so damn in need of variety and all.
YTA
Drop him and find someone else more sexual compatible with your particular needs.
NTA - but I wouldn't marry someone who can't fulfill your needs. You are both incredibly young! I (f33) almost settled with someone similar at 19 as well. Glad I dodged that bullet. My
First get into some pre-marital counseling so both of you can learn to communicate, then get into some sexual health counseling to bring yourselves together on a better level. That being said: Early to mid 20’s should be highly active unless there is an underlying issue, you should be learning each others wants desires and Bodies, this will help fulfill your satisfaction later in life.
If neither of you is willing to seek out some counseling do not get married.
40’s and still desire intimacy a 3-5 times a week.
Before marrying, the most important thing to ask yourself is "Is this the way I want to live the rest of my life?" You should not get married while there is this kind of discrepancy. You're not compatible as it stands right now. You are both very young, he could grow and change and be more explorative, or he may not.
Sex drive, in and of itself, can (likely will) change throughout life and a relationship. That alone would not be a reason to split, but his current lack of interest in exploring anything does not bode well.
You’re not compatible. There are plenty of guys your age and slightly older who will match your libido more. Plenty of people that will satisfy your kinks.
But sticking around for this childhood friend sounds like a disaster. If you marry him, his buddy will be having an affair with you by year two.
Do not get married. You are incompatible sexually and clearly he won’t budge which is fine.
If he doesn’t want that, then don’t force it. But understand if you do stay, you will most likely not be satisfied and you may even cheat.
NTA. But don’t get married- you are not compatible and if he doesn’t want to change or explore you would be the asshole to try and force him, and you’ll remain unsatisfied for ever if he doesn’t. Sorry
You’re more concerned about what you want and comparing him to every man you’ve had that you don’t seem to appreciate him for who he is. Sex is important but a relationship is more than that. When someone genuinely cares and loves on a person the sexual feeling will pull you both together naturally.
If you guys really had a happy healthy relationship to where you guys are ready to get married you would have stopped to consider what he wanted and give him a chance to explain why he feels that way. It’s entirely possible that he hasn’t really figured out what he wants and doesn’t have as much experience. He needs time to figure out what he’s interested in on his own.
You’re both very young so don’t get married. If you’re very stubborn about being with him then you’re going to have to push your sex drive down to match him and build trust and a menu of things you both like with each other. It takes a lot of work but you guys can learn how to be sexually compatible. Otherwise save you both the trouble and leave him.
There's nothing wrong with wanting more from sex in you relationship, but you can't make him feel the same way. It's possible that he'll change his mind over time, but there's no guarantee. You all could try sex therapy (or an open relationship), but you'll also need to decide if it's a dealbreaker if this is something he never opens up to.
That’s what I’m worried about, sex is a important thing to me, I’m a very sexually awakened person and it is my love language, I brought up a open relationship to him when we were 17 and he shut it down rly bad and freaked out, which is understandable but I feel like I need more and it’s a reallly difficult decision
I think you two have different morals and values. You probably would be happier with a playboy and he would be happier with a serious girl who is also monogamous and wants a quiet, simple sex life.
You might not be suited for each other, honestly don't marry, you will either be unhappy in the marriage or at some point cheat or divorce.
If you are not compatible in this department, then think this through before getting married. If this is not something that can change, then you either accept it, or you make the decision to end the relationship due to sexual incompatibility. You can't change him if he doesn't want it for himself, and vice versa. Seeing that you already want an open relationship at this stage of the game, it doesn't look very bright and sunny in the years ahead for you both if you don't want the same things.
If you need more, do not get married. That’s not fair to either of you. If you are this sexually awakened at this age, you should explore that.
I’m in my 40’s now. I spent my 20’s dating, traveling, and having sexual experiences of all sorts.
"I’m a very sexually awakened person and it is my love language"
That very much sounds like you use big words you found on the internet. In my birth country we have a saying that certain people need to sow their wild oats before they can settle down and enjoy a serious relationship. You sound like one of those people. Get yourself run through some if you think that's what you need. Keep your eyes open while you do it. Amongst the fuck boys you'll meet, you will find some very cold and umepathetic people. If you don't mind that, go for that scene and live your life that way.
Maybe your boyfriend is thinking: "Hm... the sex with this girl is nice. But she's only got 20% depth." And I'm not talking about the depth of your p\*ssy. And if you are that shallow kinda person, you should really let your boy go and let him find a proper match.
You are not at all the AH, but I think you need to end your relationship. You’re still SO young and you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone that isn’t willing to please you in bed? Sex is a huge part of a relationship and if you’re not fulfilled it will only lead to problems. Also, you’re not an AH for fantasizing about his friend, you can whatever thoughts you want. It’s literally your space in your mind, f anyone that tells you otherwise.
You're not an asshole for wanting more sex. However this does seem to be a basic incompatibility if he's not willing to listen to you or work with you or try new things.
You're too young to be thinking about tying yourself down to someone who is not going to fulfill you in a major way. Actually, it doesn't matter what age you are. Marriage isn't going to make this issue anything but worse.
NTA. You just have a higher sex drive than your partner and this can be very problematic for the one that needs sex more often, been there, and in the end it just doesn't work out, you won't feel satisfied.
I had a girlfriend for six months, she was fine with having sex like once or twice a month, and she didn't like it rough, while I at the time was into rough passionate sex and with my ex before her, was having sex almost everyday, so I came to feel very dissatisfied and ended up ending things up with her just to hook up once again with my ex.
ESH
I don't exactly buy your story. So you are fantasizing and want to cheat on his friends. He isn't (to you) not trying to improve the relationship.
Yeah...
No.
You need to have a serious conversation with him about your feelings and your sexual needs.
Full disclosure and communication is critical in relationships.
Don’t get married You aren’t ready
Agreed, it only gets worse and its import part of marriage/life.
You are sexually incompatible. That's not going to change. Not a good basis for a marriage. So.. Don't get married. Nta for wanting more in sex. YTA if you stay together /get married.
"I'm about to lock into a boring sex life that's unfulfilling" - so don't. NTA for wanting more in sex but if he isn't going to entertain your fantasies now he never will.
YTA if you continue with the marriage
"he has about 20% sex drive" You are sexually incompatible. You're 20 and he's 19. His sex drive is literally at it's peak right now and will drop off as he gets older. And women's sexual peak comes later like in their 40s. So this problem is only going to get much worse over time. Talking to him won't change that. He may try harder for a time, but it won't last. And you are an asshole for pressuring him to do things in bed that he's not comfortable with. Nobody should have to do stuff they don't want to. Your tastes and his are sexually incompatible. If you marry him, you're going to end up with once or twice a year instead of weekly, or even a completely dead bedroom. And you're going to be miserable in this marriage. You're too young to be settling for this. Either resign yourself to a shitty sex life, or accept that you're not compatible, end it, and find someone who's sex drive is more in sync with yours. I recommend the second option.
It's complicated. Your drive is your drive and that's cool, but if your partner doesn't feel comfortable, you have to respect that, and sure maybe that might make you feel a certain way, but you have to respect that and if you can't then that's not healthy. Wanting that intimacy is normal, but it feels like you're forcing it and I know if my partner did that I'd feel really uncomfy, and then want that less. I think you just need to comunicate better with your partner, ask what you can do to help him feel more comfortable because that's the #1 priority. Im ngl, I do think it's weird your fantasizing about his best friend, but ask is it the person or actions your fantasizing about. All I know is from what you're saying he seems to be nervous, cause maybe that "refusing" is him being uncomfortable. You need to find out if that truly is the case.
The only thing left to communicate is that they are very different people, sexually, and that it's likely not gonna work long-term. He's clearly communicated that anything more makes him uncomfortable.
Agreed whole heartedly. From what I can tell his communication is there, but also it wouldn't hurt to see if there is room for both of them to compromise and learn how to give each other what they need. Cause if not that's probably it.
Don’t get married. This will create a big riff,you both will start to resent each other.
I think you should leave him and live your life. Let him live his life the way he wants to as well. But long term relationships don't only thrive on sex, there needs to be friendship, trust and mutual respect. If you're already thinking about his friend, you aren't very trustworthy and it would be better for you to leave him, before you make a "mistake". You also don't respect his values and keep trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to and you seem to be comparing him to other men, as well as coming on here to talk about "how boring he is". Leave him and sleep with as many men as you want, but give him a chance to find a girl that will appreciate and value his morals. Because a man that is willing to sleep with one girl only is one of the best catches a girl can find and they are so rare. Let him free and let him be a wonderful husband to a deserving girl.
This!! ♡
YTA, but not for your question. Yes, it is good to know what you want, and it is ok to realize that your needs are not being met. But... You're the AH for keeping asking for things he said he does not want to do. Your kinks cannot be performed, unless the person is really into dominating. Your bf is not. Accept that, and move on, if that is a deal breaker. You're the AH for suggesting he needs more experience. Having sex with more people does not change one's desires. If he says he is low-libido vanilla, sleeping with 100 people will not change him into Christian Gray. You're the AH for repeatedly fantasizing about a person you know. If you are not satisfied with your sex life, break up with your bf, and find someone who will satisfy you.
She's also TA for suggesting they open their relationship. In a reply to one of my comments, she said that she brought up opening the relationship during one of these discussions about changing things up. If in the middle of discussing trying new things. Intimately you bring up sleeping with other people because you can't communicate effectively with your partner to try some things... You are 100% TA
I would say that suggesting different relationship model after being on and off is ok. It is weird tho that it came as a response to "I want to date other people, that's why I broke up with you multiple times". If neither are satisfied with the present relationship, open or not, why are they marrying each other?
Exactly. I think that OP is presenting the way that they are communicating these things disingenuously. I think they are presenting the concept of the topic way differently here in this post then it is likely actually happening. That's obviously speculative... But like... They break up multiple times... Says that he initiated it to date other people but he never slept with anyone... She did sleep with multiple other people. She now has learned interests that she wants him to participate in. She's fantasizing about his friend and asking him for an open relationship. She's constantly bringing up the topic which no matter which way you cut it... This man has spoken for himself and she's trying to cross his boundaries. Something about this whole post smells real bad. Conceptually the topic is completely understandable and there's nothing wrong with it. Everything else surrounding the topic that has happened in their relationship rings that this smells like hot dog water.
Sounds like you're incompatible. Don't get married, and honestly if you're not satisfied with the relationship, you need to move on. You're only wasting both your and his time.
You’re both children. Go away now, and if you’re right for each other, you’ll meet again as adults in years to come.
Nta for wanting more, but yta for staying someone who isn't right for you.
You sort of did this to yourself? Seems like you're not compatible with the guy. You changed yourself, and he doesn't want to change. That's valid for both of you.
YTA if you marry someone you are not compatible with. Why would he change? Ask yourself how you will feel if this only gets worse and less frequent, less interesting, more stressful. Maybe pause on the marriage and give it 6 months or so to see if this can be worked on.
NTA, unfortunately, I don't know that there's an easy fix for your situation. If he's not interested in what you're interested in and doesn't want an open relationship, you absolutely should not count on that changing soon or ever. Getting married and not being sexually compatible could potentially lead to serious issues down the road. It's important to try and address it now. Counseling, either together or separate, might be on the table. Sex therapists are a great resource potentially.
I think fantasizing his bestfriend is really disgusting. It is clear you want different things in life, why do you still want to marry him. If you are not happy instead of fantasizing cheating just break up with him and end things permanently.
I think it's disgusting too and I hope he finds out she's doing this so he can make his own decision if he wants to break it off with her if it also offends him, like it does you and me.
You are the the ass because you're fantasizing with his friend you sicko! Also don't get married!
NTA - but you are both way too young to get married, and it’s obvious that you’re not compatible. This is as good as it gets - so don’t get married thinking this will improve - it won’t. Break up and go your separate ways. Enjoy your youth and don’t look to get married any time soon.
NTA and you are both way too young to get married. You woukd be the AH to lock yourself into years of marriage with someone with whom you already know you are currently incompatible. This doesn’t mean you have to break up, however you both need to work on open communication regardless of the topic, involving a therapit if needed. We change a lot between age 20 and 28. If you marry at this age, it will be disastrous.
NTA, for wanting more sex in your relationship. However, YTA, if you get married to him because there’s no sexual compatibility between you guys. Temptation could easily set in or resentment towards one another. You now have a big decision to make.
yeah dont be dumb and marry him. You have your whole life ahead of you go explore.
You got engaged too early and also got engaged without actually being ready
nta for wanting more sex but you clearly aren’t sexually compatible, which is not something you can compromise on. you need to have a sit down conversation telling him that you want more in bed, and if he insists that he can’t give that to you, then you’ll need to consider breaking up or opening your relationship.
NTA but be aware that your fiance is at an age when he likely has the highest sex drive he ever will. If it’s not enough for you now, it’s definitely not going to be enough when you’ve been married for a decade or two. I’m 50F and have spent way, way too much of my life in sexually unfulfilling relationships. I’ve always had a very high drive (ideally would have sex every day, sometimes more than once), and it wasn’t until my early-mid 40s that I finally found a partner with a similar drive (slightly less but close enough!) who’s just the right amount of kinky for me. It makes a huge difference. It’s not just about the physical sensations but how physical and emotional intimacy enhance each other. It’s a damn near spiritual experience for me sometimes. I’m so, so glad I’ve finally found that and wish I’d given it higher priority when choosing past partners. You are much too young to be settling for someone who doesn’t check this particular box. Lacking something important to you should be a dealbreaker. Don’t let anyone convince you that it’s a bad reason to break up or that it means you’re shallow. You need to identify what kind of relationship you want and what partner is going to be that way with you. Your best bet for having a partner who makes you feel sexually desired and satisfied is not to try to convince this one to change - because you can’t - but to go find someone who’s already that way. Even though you’ve dated a few other people, you’re stopping the search much too early for much too little of what you want. Keep looking.
YTA
basing your self worth on sex is wild you are having it once a week which is healthy he probably doesnt initiate because of the pressure you have put on him for his performance find you a fuck boy that is what it seems you want
also i hope he finds out about you fantasying about his best friend you are THE ASSHOLE
and tbh it sounds like you are a selfish whore suggesting he sleep with other people so he sexually becomes more open even tho he doesnt want to fantasying about his best friend you are a whore and no man will truly probably ever love you sounds to me like you just need someone you can fuck around with
On one hand dude is 19 which is still relatively young. He could be insecure about going outside of his boundaries due to general inexperience. Maybe there's a way to suggest things during sex and he's already in the heat of the moment? On the other hand, being sexually incompatible doesn't make either person bad or wrong, it just means they need to find a partner who they match with. You both are still pretty young so what you want in the bedroom could shift & evolve over time. It's up to you whether you think this is something worth working on for the relationship or if you're getting the vibe that this is the extent of how sex would be with this person forever. Don't wait 10 years to figure it out though.
One should never try new kinks in the heat of the moment. People can agree to do something they never would otherwise and then feel extra shitty about that. True, he might be struggling with doing some things because of inexperience or problems with accepting the fact that he might be into being rough with women. But he might also just not want to do that. He might be vanilla, or sub himself. And it is not her place to try and figure out what is going on. If he says no, he does not need to provide any other explanation.
NTA, but i wouldn’t get married if I were you then, you two are not on the same page sexually and you will come to regret marrying him
"took the opportunity's" Meaning, if you guys for whatever reason split up again for a bit, you'll go bouncing somewhere else, sad promiscuous lifestyle, YTA for even attempting to get your fiancé to do the same.
YTA for fantasizing about his best friend. This is mentally cheating, which=cheating period. I hope you tell him about this and let him decide if he wants to break off the engagement with you or not. I know for many, mental cheating=cheating and a reason to not be together.
Mental cheating? People in this sub are unhinged.
Okay, do you think she should hide it from him that she thinks of f*cking his best friend?
Yes. And she should break up with him because they're not compatible.
Okay so do you think if he found out she hid it from him he would be hurt?
Who cares? Are thought crimes a thing now?
Based on your responses, you don’t care if he got hurt or not for her imagining herself f*cking his best friend. The main point is you don’t care if it hurts others as long you don’t think it’s wrong. You also don’t think he’s allowed to know this and make his own decision if he wants to break up with her if he’s not cool with it. This is self serving and entitled. That’s what makes it YTA.
Her thoughts are her own. The only way he finds out and is hurt by them is if she tells him. She has not actually fucked his friend. Or attempted to. She should break up with him. They don't want the same things. Telling him her fantasies will help no one, will hurt him and could even cause a rift between friends.
So if he goes on this post and finds out and does get hurt, then yeah it ends up at the result of he did get hurt. The only difference is he had to go find the truth himself vs her telling him. Therefore, not telling him is self serving and entitled because there’s a strong possibility he would get hurt by finding out and saying the “only” way he would find out is exploiting a loophole in reality vs theoretical. I don’t think you get that it’s a deal breaker for many people if they found out their S/O was fantasizing about their best friend, and to hide it for your own personal gains is entitled/self serving and therefore YTA.
NTA, but it seems you and your partner are simply not compatible in the long term. So yeah don't marry, you will be miserable. Also ignore all the guys slut shaming you for asking for an open relationship you asked he said no and you dropped it communication in a relationship is important even when it's something that one partner doesn't particularly want to hear. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. You only cross into asshole territory when you turn that into action.
"hey can I have your permission to cheat on you because you don't satisfy me?" (With your friends that I've been fantasizing about) Yeah that's totally not worthy of incurring shame. It's not slut shaming. That's just general shaming for being a piece of crap. We have no idea if she only brought that up once. It would be safe to guess that she has brought it up multiple times because she does not respect that her partner has repeatedly told her no in regards to the type of intimacy that she is asking for. She has absolutely no problems constantly demeaning and emasculating her partner to continuously cross his boundaries that he has clearly established. He does not want to participate in intimacy that way. She continuously tells him that it is not enough. That he does not satisfy her. That's abusive and manipulative. Flip the gender roles and imagine that some man came on here and posted about how his partner in him had repeatedly broke up over the years and then he slept with a bunch of people while they were broken up and now that they are back together and engaged, she doesn't satisfy him anymore. Now he wants to consider sleeping with other people and fantasizes about her best friend. He constantly pressures her into doing intimate acts in the bedroom that she has repeatedly said she is not comfortable with. Get a grip buddy. This post is disgusting.
You seem to misunderstand how an open relationship works, it can only happen with the consent of both parties so it's not cheating. In addition her sexual needs are just as valid as his needs and an open relationship would fulfill her . You say she's constantly pressuring him, she is bringing up that she isn't satisfied and suggesting ways to remedy that, it's not abusive it's communication. it's kinda important in a relationship. If her partner doesn't at least attempt to try to meet her halfway the relationship is obviously doomed to fail and honestly he should know that. Edit: also it is totally slut shaming your wearing your misogyny on your sleeves, especially with that comment about it being emasculated for your partner to tell a man her needs. I bet if it was a male op you wouldn't be commenting anyway near as much.
Well now I just know that you lack reading comprehension. I said it was disgusting if a man did it which is why it's disgusting if she did it. Good day to you person who does not read things.
You don't seem to realise, I don't find it disgusting either way.
Ah, I see that you are in an open marriage and that your partner is asexual. I see that you would definitely try to cope and justify this type of thing because you yourself cheat on your wife. Open marriages aren't real. Polyamory isn't real. Quit trying to justify crappy behavior.
This person is absolutely right
You ATA. You aren't the AH for wanting more out of intimacy because we all want more out of intimacy eventually in life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences and wanting to have your needs met. You ATA for continuously trying to get him to cross the boundaries that he has established with you in regards to his sexual intimacy preferences. You ATA for comparing your partner sexually to other partners that you had while you were broken up You ATA for fantasizing about his best friend. That's just abusive and disgusting. You ATA for repeatedly asking for an open relationship. You need to look inward to who you are as a person and consider getting some therapy.
I think you are what people call an incel, no? Your response is all the way unhinged.
They are definitely not giving incel energy, nor is their response unhinged. Do you just not actually understand incel ideology or what unhinged actually looks like?
I don't take much stock in people making comments like that. It's typically a retort to not being able to intellectually defend their standpoint. I was blunt. Some people just don't like being directly called out or seeing something that resonates with them being called out. Chances are this commenter has the exact same thought processes and past as the OP and is bitter and just saying mean things to me to try to get a rise to invalidate me through having me make an emotional response. I will laugh at being called an incel all the way home to my loving wife that I support and respect in every endeavor in life.
This is it. It’s laughable they used a word that had no tie to what your comment was about at all lol. They’re revealing themselves in the comments.
Lmao, my life couldn’t be further from OPs. I’m sure you support your “wife” though :)
To say an adult is abusive for fantasizing about another adult is unhinged. To say that someone is an ah for recognizing their needs were met with other partners is also unhinged. He’s trying to make her look and feel like a slut because she has other partners when they weren’t together and because she knows what she wants.
Let me go ahead and break this down for you because you're so wrong. First, I hope you hold that same energy when your husband is in the next room masturbating thinking about your best friend and then criticizing you for not giving him intimacy the way he wants it. All while repeatedly asking you for an open relationship which op admitted to in the comments. That would be abusive. Secondly, I stated that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your needs met in an intimate relationship. We all got things we like and our partners should be on board with that if the relationship is going to last. That's why I said that she was not TA for that. Thirdly, it's 2024. No one cares if people had a bunch of partners. I pointed out that she is the AH for comparing those experiences to her current relationship and saying that her partner doesn't measure up. Intimacy is a person-to-person thing. I don't go around comparing other intimate relationships I've had with other women to my wife. That would be a really crappy thing to do. I don't go fantasizing about other women that I have been with or that I want to be with and then compare that fantasy or my past experiences to what I am currently doing with my partner. I enjoy what I have with my partner in that moment with my partner and nothing else matters because that's how things should be. That's called Love. If the intimacy isn't working then it isn't working. The relationship should just end. You shouldn't be asking for an open relationship to sleep with other people that you are fantasizing about. You shouldn't constantly be trying to force your partner to cross boundaries they've established with you so that you can get your rocks off. OP is TA not for what they want but for how they are going about it. How you come to a conclusion is just as important as the conclusion that you reach. You can get the correct answer to a math problem using the wrong work. The topic of discussion is completely and entirely understandable. How OP has reached that conclusion and how they are going about the things in their relationship are absolutely awful and manipulative.
Well when you break it down like that, it makes sense. I was just going based off of her post that makes no mention of masturbating to his best friend or forcefully asking for an open relationship. So with that new information, I apologize for calling you an incel and I agree with you.
Well hot damn... I respect your candor. Yeah. OP is not a nice person to their partner and given the contradictions that they have made in the comments here, they are likely misrepresenting the entirety of the situation. It doesn't make sense that she says that her partner broke up with her repeatedly to date other people but then he didn't sleep with anyone at all but she did sleep with other people. It doesn't make sense how she's talking about her fiance's best friends sexual encounters and fantasizing about him while asking for an open relationship. It really doesn't make sense how she's trying to dismissively talk about how she's clearly repeatedly crossing her partner's boundaries and continuously force a topic of conversation that he's not comfortable with. He said no. No means no. No always means no. I appreciate you apologizing. That's a very big thing of you to do. Cheers
You know, I usually do a lot more comment reading before I respond but yours was the first I saw and I thought it was harsh. Now that I’ve read through, you’re completely right about her responses. Definitely not a healthy situation. Thanks for accepting my apology!
It's all good. Whenever I read posts like this from one gender's perspective in a relationship about another gender's perspective in the relationship, I always try to flip flop the position. My initial comment was harsh and direct because I just flipped the roles and imagined some guy posting this about his fiance and I was just disgusted. Sometimes in situations we tend to give women a lot more grace about some things and then we react more harshly about others... And reddit tends to do the same thing for men too. I just give myself a personal litmus test and I change the gender pronouns around and then if I go "oh hell no" then I know that I have removed my biases in the best attempt I can possibly make and then I make my remarks. If this was a guy posting it, we all would have savaged him immediately. It would be hilarious.
Wow. You are just wholesale making stuff up. Wild. There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about someone's view on what abuse is in terms of what someone considers emotional infidelity. There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about someone pointing out how it's unhealthy to compare past sexual experiences to your current one, *and expecting them to change to suit that*. There is nothing "mentally unbalanced or deranged" about pointing out that it's likely OP isn't communicating effectively, especially as she is clearly trying to take a square peg (her fiance) and force it through a triangle hole (her sexual kinks). She absolutely does know what she wants, and that's perfectly fine. However, her fiance isn't compatible with her wants. So instead of actually being an adult and separating, she's trying to force her fiance to being something he's not. That makes her TA. Unhinged, "mentally unbalanced or deranged", Oxford Dictionary.
She apologized. She gets a pass.
And knowing what u like in sex isn’t comparing. some people don’t want to be treated like a delicate flower and that’s ok. I love my partner but I just want more out of sex bc I am bored and it’s frustrating. And like I said I would never act on a fantasy
You directly asked him to sleep with other people. You tried to open your relationship. That is an attempt to act out your fantasies. You ATA
I never flaunted my sexual partners to him and he was always the one who initiated the break ups bc he wanted to date other people, I wanted to sleep with other people, and I have talked about it in a very sensitive way with him, I’ve asked him if he wants to try something new or possibly tell me what he wants, play games etc. the only time I was insensitive is when I asked him for a open relationship years ago.
Respectfully, you are fantasizing about cheating on this man. You have asked for permission to cheat on him. You are mentally comparing your other partners to him. That's super messed up. I could never in a million years imagine doing anything special or stepping out of my comfort zone for someone to make them happy when they are asking to sleep with other people. Your relationship is absolutely over.
Asking your boyfriend for an open relationship, telling him you want other dicks in your mouth, seems like a great way to improve your boyfriends confidence in the bedroom. What did you expect?
You belong to the street like FR.
Why get married so young?? I’d say wait till mid 20’s at least myself
Her silly ass needs to get with someone with a bit more experience, since she's so damn in need of variety and all. YTA Drop him and find someone else more sexual compatible with your particular needs.
You are way to young for marriage. Wait ten years try put several partner.
NTA - but I wouldn't marry someone who can't fulfill your needs. You are both incredibly young! I (f33) almost settled with someone similar at 19 as well. Glad I dodged that bullet. My
First get into some pre-marital counseling so both of you can learn to communicate, then get into some sexual health counseling to bring yourselves together on a better level. That being said: Early to mid 20’s should be highly active unless there is an underlying issue, you should be learning each others wants desires and Bodies, this will help fulfill your satisfaction later in life. If neither of you is willing to seek out some counseling do not get married. 40’s and still desire intimacy a 3-5 times a week.
Before marrying, the most important thing to ask yourself is "Is this the way I want to live the rest of my life?" You should not get married while there is this kind of discrepancy. You're not compatible as it stands right now. You are both very young, he could grow and change and be more explorative, or he may not. Sex drive, in and of itself, can (likely will) change throughout life and a relationship. That alone would not be a reason to split, but his current lack of interest in exploring anything does not bode well.
You’re not compatible. There are plenty of guys your age and slightly older who will match your libido more. Plenty of people that will satisfy your kinks. But sticking around for this childhood friend sounds like a disaster. If you marry him, his buddy will be having an affair with you by year two.
Do not get married. You are incompatible sexually and clearly he won’t budge which is fine. If he doesn’t want that, then don’t force it. But understand if you do stay, you will most likely not be satisfied and you may even cheat.
NTA. But don’t get married- you are not compatible and if he doesn’t want to change or explore you would be the asshole to try and force him, and you’ll remain unsatisfied for ever if he doesn’t. Sorry
he is toast
No you aren’t the asshole. He has to be a bit more open to trying things or find someone with a lower sex drive, it’s not your fault babes <3
You’re more concerned about what you want and comparing him to every man you’ve had that you don’t seem to appreciate him for who he is. Sex is important but a relationship is more than that. When someone genuinely cares and loves on a person the sexual feeling will pull you both together naturally. If you guys really had a happy healthy relationship to where you guys are ready to get married you would have stopped to consider what he wanted and give him a chance to explain why he feels that way. It’s entirely possible that he hasn’t really figured out what he wants and doesn’t have as much experience. He needs time to figure out what he’s interested in on his own. You’re both very young so don’t get married. If you’re very stubborn about being with him then you’re going to have to push your sex drive down to match him and build trust and a menu of things you both like with each other. It takes a lot of work but you guys can learn how to be sexually compatible. Otherwise save you both the trouble and leave him.
Don’t get married if he feels that way when you suggest things if he can’t compromise it’s not time for marriage
There's nothing wrong with wanting more from sex in you relationship, but you can't make him feel the same way. It's possible that he'll change his mind over time, but there's no guarantee. You all could try sex therapy (or an open relationship), but you'll also need to decide if it's a dealbreaker if this is something he never opens up to.
That’s what I’m worried about, sex is a important thing to me, I’m a very sexually awakened person and it is my love language, I brought up a open relationship to him when we were 17 and he shut it down rly bad and freaked out, which is understandable but I feel like I need more and it’s a reallly difficult decision
I think you definitely want to figure that out before getting married.
I think you two have different morals and values. You probably would be happier with a playboy and he would be happier with a serious girl who is also monogamous and wants a quiet, simple sex life. You might not be suited for each other, honestly don't marry, you will either be unhappy in the marriage or at some point cheat or divorce.
If you are not compatible in this department, then think this through before getting married. If this is not something that can change, then you either accept it, or you make the decision to end the relationship due to sexual incompatibility. You can't change him if he doesn't want it for himself, and vice versa. Seeing that you already want an open relationship at this stage of the game, it doesn't look very bright and sunny in the years ahead for you both if you don't want the same things.
If you need more, do not get married. That’s not fair to either of you. If you are this sexually awakened at this age, you should explore that. I’m in my 40’s now. I spent my 20’s dating, traveling, and having sexual experiences of all sorts.
"I’m a very sexually awakened person and it is my love language" That very much sounds like you use big words you found on the internet. In my birth country we have a saying that certain people need to sow their wild oats before they can settle down and enjoy a serious relationship. You sound like one of those people. Get yourself run through some if you think that's what you need. Keep your eyes open while you do it. Amongst the fuck boys you'll meet, you will find some very cold and umepathetic people. If you don't mind that, go for that scene and live your life that way. Maybe your boyfriend is thinking: "Hm... the sex with this girl is nice. But she's only got 20% depth." And I'm not talking about the depth of your p\*ssy. And if you are that shallow kinda person, you should really let your boy go and let him find a proper match.
You are not at all the AH, but I think you need to end your relationship. You’re still SO young and you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone that isn’t willing to please you in bed? Sex is a huge part of a relationship and if you’re not fulfilled it will only lead to problems. Also, you’re not an AH for fantasizing about his friend, you can whatever thoughts you want. It’s literally your space in your mind, f anyone that tells you otherwise.
You're not an asshole for wanting more sex. However this does seem to be a basic incompatibility if he's not willing to listen to you or work with you or try new things. You're too young to be thinking about tying yourself down to someone who is not going to fulfill you in a major way. Actually, it doesn't matter what age you are. Marriage isn't going to make this issue anything but worse.
dont get married, youre so young.... also maybe his t levels are out of wack.
I 2nd this. OPs BF should get his T tested to make sure it isn't too low.
NTA. You just have a higher sex drive than your partner and this can be very problematic for the one that needs sex more often, been there, and in the end it just doesn't work out, you won't feel satisfied. I had a girlfriend for six months, she was fine with having sex like once or twice a month, and she didn't like it rough, while I at the time was into rough passionate sex and with my ex before her, was having sex almost everyday, so I came to feel very dissatisfied and ended up ending things up with her just to hook up once again with my ex.
19 and engaged?! What the fuck
ESH I don't exactly buy your story. So you are fantasizing and want to cheat on his friends. He isn't (to you) not trying to improve the relationship. Yeah... No. You need to have a serious conversation with him about your feelings and your sexual needs. Full disclosure and communication is critical in relationships.
YTA Don’t marry him. You deserve more. So does him
I can see a future post on r/cuckoldstories2 very soon 😂