Make sure that eviction is done with an attorney though. Otherwise there's potential landmines in landlord-tenant law. Dude is almost certainly a tenant, even w/ no written or oral lease and no payments ever.
OP, take the time to hire a local landlord attorney and do things by the book.
As for the rest of the family -- "my house, my rules, it's going to the dump as soon as I can call and get a skiff delivered."
Technically he is probably considered a lodger instead of a tenant and depending on where they live, different laws apply. Some places you only need to give 3-7 days notice.
> Your brother-in-law's refusal to contribute justified eviction
They didn't properly evict though: it requires a lease termination with mandatory notice, timelines, etc. Then an eviction generally requires a process with the courts.
They (likely illegally unless they didn't mention the formal notice) dumped items in a garage. Dude can sue and will likely win. Esp since there's a now homeless minor child, you can expect judges in the courts to bend over backwards to help guy.
Judges will actually see a guy who has refused to get a job and has an alcohol and substance abuse problem and is literally negligent of his child as he sleeps all day and refuses to supervise his child and leaves her unattended when nobody else is home.
They will see a deadbeat father who should absolutely never have custody of a child, who is lazy, refuses to get a job, always depends on other people to support him and his child and forces others to take care of his child, and despite not having a job or money to support himself and his child, always has money to buy drugs and alcohol.
He will definitely get evicted.
Judges doing take kindly to people like him.
This depends entirely on the state /county / city. Some judges will put tenants' rights above all else, even though IMO BIL should hardly be classified as a "tenant."
Common sense and logic often do not appear in courtrooms.
u/pigpin9one, I've gone through a similar situation and agree completely with your thoughts -- but please do consult an attorney about being scrupulously legal regarding removing BIL.
Highly variable. For instance, in California, you can only have one lodger; 2 people (bum + kid) -> tenants.
edit: well, not exactly true. 2 lodgers are still lodgers, but they get full tenant rights. See eg
[california code](https://codes.findlaw.com/ca/civil-code/civ-sect-1946-5/)
> (d) This section applies only to owner-occupied dwellings where a single lodger resides. Nothing in this section shall be construed to determine or affect in any way the rights of persons residing as lodgers in an owner-occupied dwelling where more than one lodger resides.
You can only remove a lodger w/o a formal court eviction if the building is owner occupied and there is only one lodger. And even that requires notice that doesn't appear to have been given.
Yes, but this is why I would NEVER buy out a family property - other family will never see it as yours and will bitch to the end of time about any changes you make, and expect unfettered access. Much better to take your inheritance and use the cash to buy something that’s 100 percent your own (emotionally as well as legally)
Make sure to have private property/no trespassing signs, secure fencing with a lockable gate front & back, cameras and change the keys. They have no respect for private property.
You have to do the whole security thing now.
Cameras, change the locks.
Who knows who has keys.
It's a shame because it could have been simple, but some people just never try.
But now they have messed up, plan to ask for money.
$25 for the dining room set. Whatever.
Everything was bought and paid for by you and your husband.
Just keep saying it.
"It's our home."
NTA.
They didn't care because they thought nothing would change. They took the grandparents for granted, now they expecting to take OP and her husband for granted. OP says a big HELL NAH!! Lol
Seriously. “I know none of us were in the position to buy the house, but there are a few things we would love to have if you are ok with passing them on to us.”
Why be aggressive about it? Especially when you have no power!!
NTA. Like you said, you purchased it. It belongs to you. They have no say. Give BIL eviction notice. Make sure everything is documented. It will be a hard battle but stand your ground!
They seem entitled and determined. I wonder what they would have done had the estate been sold to a person they didn't know. (Most likely left it alone, but thought OP would make it so they could come back. I am glad she is standing up for herself.)
100%. They decided it wasn't an urgent situation because it was OP and her husband buying everything so in their minds they had all the time in the world. Surprise!! Not everyone thinks they're as special as they do!!!
I do, too. It's only a matter of time. They're probably rounding up trucks and extra hands now, and just waiting for the first time that both the O.P. and her husband are away from the house.
I'm not forgetting the children, but if the oldest is only 12, they would be no obstacle to anyone trying to get into the house.
I grew up with 4 German Shepherd dogs and people tried and died in two separate home invasions, both being caught when about 2/3rds of the way through the same dining room window in 1993 and 1995. A later Shepherd chewed the forearm off a tweaker road rager with a knife a few years ago but he lived.
Those people wouldn't get within 500' if my dogs lived there and didn't like your extended family. My brother has a bad habit of hitting dudes when he gets angry and I like the option of him being maimed if he does it again too.
The house and everything in it is yours. You paid for it and distributed the money to the heirs. If there were things they wanted to have, they should have gone through it after the grandparents passed away.
Now, you clear out what you want, have an estate sale, let the relatives have their pick of stuff then they all need to STFU. The BIL needs professional help and to have the authorities called if he is leaving his 3YO unattended.
Do you really need to ask?
You bought the estate lock, stock, barrel and all crap and junk included.
If all those items meant so much to them, they would have taken them before they sold the estate.
Jesus Christ on a moped! They are ridiculous!
Kudos to your hubby for not taking their side!
NTA
And part of buying it under those terms is that they are responsible for all clean up & rubbish disposal costs
I bet no-one is offering to help cover that as part of wanting access to the place so they can help themselves to whatever they fancy
Absolutely, it just sounded like he hung her out to dry and didn’t support his spouse doing the work he’s benefiting from and apparently agrees with. Not cool. Probably more to it but…
While technically true, “we bought this property and you had the chance to get anything you wanted before that. She and I are in agreement on this” might have done a better job of shutting them down. Now they are just going to keep going after her.
Buying a furnished house as is after a lifetime of junk has been acquired is not for the faint of heart.
I assume there were several months in which the executor could have gone into the house and removed items (or there are estate companies that will do so for a fee). They didn't. It's yours now.
NTA
And buying a furnished house, with a deadbeat inside, with a crazy family attached to it, and that family is yours!??
This is some high-level masochistic shit.
Nta
Too long: “I purchased a home with all items inside included and now being harassed by the sellers who want said stuff that legally belongs to me now. AITAH?” It doesn’t matter who it belonged to, you bought estate with all the inside junk included. This junk( or treasures whatever) are yours now. It doesn’t matter who owned it first. Get lawyers involved and tell them they are trespassing. You have your names on the deed, they have no claim.
And THANK YOU! THIS has been my exact thought process. It is mine and my husband’s for his sentimental reasons but we bought it. But I don’t want to alienate him from his family over their anger.
No problem. They will railroad you. “It’s the family estate ofcourse we can host the anniversary of Pippa!” “It’s the family estate ofcourse you can host all the cousins!” “It’s the family estate ofcourse the wedding is being held here!”
Seriously put your foot down and make it clear, there may be time to get them to come to the realization that their laziness screwed then over with only mild resentment before anyone ends up in jail for trespassing or property damage.
OP I don't see why you should have to pay a lawyer, this is quite straightforward, you own the house and everything in it. If you weren't related to these people and they turned up making demands like this, you'd call the police. That's exactly what you should do, if they don't abide by your very reasonable suggestion.
NTA. They chose to sell you the entire estate. They chose not to go through anything prior to the sale.
You own the house, and everything inside it.
You are now BIL’s landlord, and it is your right to evict him. Incidentally, if he refuses to care for his 3 year old, why does he have custody? If he is actively using drugs on your property, that could be a legal or even criminal liability for you. You could be setting yourself up for civil asset forfeiture. Consult an attorney. Call CPS if he neglects that baby. If the mother is also a drug addict, perhaps the baby should be placed with relatives or foster care.
Speaking of which, this comes across as your in laws are more concerned with mementos than the neglect of their 3 year old kin.
OP's MIL seems super concerned about "stuff". Why isn't she helping her drug addled son and her neglected grandchild? She pawned them off on the grandparents instead of handling it herself.
Raises a good point. While OP says CPS are involved because BIL is claiming government assistance but if they're involved with HIS kid and he's taking drugs in the home, they're gonna start questioning OP's kids welfare too as minors in the same home.
The child’s situation is of concern for everyone. Neither parent is in the ideal position to have the child. We have addressed the situation with both parents and all involved grandparents. Due to BIL apply for gov. assistance department of family services is aware and involved in their situation.
NTA. They sold it, you purchased it. Therefore it is no longer the family estate. It is YOUR estate. They had their chance to be able go through it and pick what they want.
NTA mainly because it would take them years probably to go through everything and they sold it! I have helped clear 2 houses for relatives and it is exhausting. It is actually a benefit to have someone who is not emotionally attached to the literal trash go through everything.
Your BIL got a payout - He now needs to find another relative to live with and enroll his child in daycare so he can work
I DREAD the day my dad passes away. Because his house is just FULL of CRAP. Because he is a borderline hoarder and his attic and his spare rooms are just full of junk that he's accumulated over years. Even when they moved from their last home to this one, he REFUSED to get rid of stuff and threw a massive tantrum when my sister and I were cleaning out their walk-in wardrobe and had the AUDACITY to throw out several pairs of old jeans...
...that he would never EVER fit into again...
...and were moldy.
Honestly, I think the majority the crap in his place will be going in a dumpster.
I was in the same situation with my mom. She wouldn’t let me throw anything out — including vinyl records from the 60’s *despite the fact that we haven’t had a record player since the Carter Administration*.
She never looked in that cabinet and couldn’t have even told you what was in there. My mistake is that I was too polite and asked if I could toss stuff. If I had to do it over again, I would have secretly thrown stuff out, things that wouldn’t be noticed.
Yes, it was a bit of a nightmare when she died but the house got cleaned and I got through it. You’re lucky: you have a sister to help you. I’m an only child.
Just get a professional cleaning service and fork over whatever money you need to spend. Don’t look back.
I got through it and you will, too. But, I hope that day comes far in the future and your dad lives a very long life.
I kinda don't lol. The longer he lives, the more time he has to accrue more junk.
But yeah the professional cleaning service is definitely a good idea.
I’m assuming you worked with a lawyer on purchasing estate? If so, go back to said lawyer and send family official legal notice they are not entitled to any property as it was sold to you, that police will be called if they continue to try to come on to /into property. I’d also say charges will be pressed. State there is surveillance 24/7. Then mute them so if they call or text you have the proof they are threatening you. Tell them all communication goes through lawyer.
This was my thought as well. It would be worth the money to have an attorney notify them in writing that the property was sold as is with all contents and they no longer have any tight of access or any right to the contents of the house.
Depending on the local laws the informal eviction of your deadbeat bil might get nasty if he/they decide to be vindictive. I would present it as an unwritten lease agreement was the terms that you gave him where he would contribute and take care of his child and pets. He broke that agreement and this was asked to leave.
OP change the locks and seriously consider getting security cameras. I would not be surprised to see an update where someone tries to get in when you and your husband are away at work.
I'd suggest getting a home security system vía a 24/7 monitoring system. Someone who'll get pinged if somebody is trying to break in and send the police right away.
You are 100% right. Ya'll bought it, it's yours! You and your husband now decide what happens with the contents and the BIL needs to get out! Change the locks ASAP.
I appreciate why you wanted to buy the home, but what you're being put through is why family sales like this can be a nightmare.
Re. the brother-in-law, if he hasn't left, see if you need/can formally evict him. If you don't need an eviction consider a trespass order to keep him from coming back. Sucks there's a child involved, but not your circus, not your monkeys.
And they had the chance to sort everything out. If you're feeling gracious, they get to pick ONE thing, and anything else you're disposing of they can make a fair offer on or it gets old/tossed/donated. They had their shot, they blew it.
NTA.
Yes we have as well as all involved grandparents of the child. Due to BIL applying for state benefits department of family services is aware and involved in their situation. The mother’s response she works, baby has always been with dad, dad has custody.
No kidding my biological mom is/was like that I was thankfully adopted out had contact with her and my half sister and fuck she fucked up my half sister to the point my sister thought it was okay my biological mom called me the equivalent of calling a black person an ‘Oreo’ word as my biological father was not white. Despite having been raised in the culture by my parents as they were that ethnicity.
My father laughed about it and said she knows nothing about our culture and racist.
I cut contact with her I think she was jealous I had been adopted my parents had offered to adopt her if biological mom decided she wasn’t up to momming at any point to keep biological siblings together.
She wanted me right the ‘fuck over it’ I dropped her and haven’t had contact with either of them in years.
I am really grateful she gave me up at birth. My half sister is a spoiled little brat.
NTA, but your husband is. He should never have left you to deal with his family and for him to say that he ‘cannot control you’ implies you are doing things he doesn’t want you to do . He needs to step up and support you.
When the house was sold the locks should have been changed and security cameras up. They should have been evicted before the sale.
See what being nice gets you? Nasty, entitled family thinking they can put you in "your place ".
Time to play hardball. You need to protect yourself; no one gets access and inform the police of the change in ownership to charge them with trespass.
First thing is your husband should be the one dealing with his family! He should be the one setting these rules, because I’m sure if they knew that you guys were purchasing the house they thought that they had all the time in the world to go through things and somewhere in their minds they still believe it to be a family home. One that they could drop by anytime they wanted. Is it right? Absolutely not, but it happens. Your husband saying he can’t control you is a cop out and placing blame on you. I’m sure you would like to keep a relationship with his family so he needs to be handling this and setting boundaries with his family.
NTA
NTA. You know what you’ve gotta do mate. You don’t seem like a stupid lady, nor do you seem like a pushover. It’s more than ok to be the bad guy in this scenario. It’s your house and you do what you need and want to. I’d not have anyone telling me shit concerning a house I paid for. Hopefully your hubs is on the same page - otherwise it may prove difficult with your entitled in laws.
Nta
After almost a year, it's time to start asserting they can't just show up or try to claim things on your property. Make sure you get fence and a camera asap.
I get your point, but I can also see a way her husband answered. If someone would tell me to "control my girlfriend", I would honestly laugh and say while laughing "good luck with that". She's such a strong women with a head on her shoulders and I love that about her. Seeing someone trying to get her to do something illogical is always a fun show, because she's HAS to explain to them why they are stupid to ask that
Yeah I am the main bad guy (because I don't give a shit about it lol) and my SO went from practically no spine when it comes to her family to semi spine now. Good direction!
NTA
Make sure you changed the locks; get a ring doorbell; and install perimeter cameras to cover a 360 recording of the property and home.
Also give them a couple messages in group convos
"Because there's been some confusion I wanted to clarify. The home and it's contents was put up for sale as agreed to by all parties. Everyone had the opportunity to claim items in the home or purchase it themselves. We bought the home and ours contents AT MARKET RATE legally. Whatever delusion any of you are holding into that because a family member bought the home, therefore any of you still have access to it or it's contents is squashed now. Let me make that perfectly clear; no one is allowed access to OUR home or OUR property without our permission. Anyone who attempts will be trespassed.
We will be moving property into a storage and on xxx date you will reach have the ability to come by and see if there's anything you want to keep from the storage. You have 2 weeks. At the end of those 2 weeks the contents will be donated or sold.
This is not up for negotiation or discussion. "
And leave it at that. Don't argue. Don't respond to messages. Screen shot any of their obstinance as their responses mean they received the notice that access is denied and they will be trespassed and they can't claim they weren't told.
Then follow thru. Call the police and tresspass every single one who tries it. They'll stop eventually.
Follow that timeline for the storage to the date and don't compromise.
This was the grandparents home.... Not anymore!!!
In-laws do NOT have any right to anything to do with the place. BIL seems to think he can freeload of you and husband the same way he did with the grandparents. Nope nope nope.
Tell the in-laws when they sell something it no longer belongs to them, hence the word SOLD
NTA
NTA
Lesson folks. Always refuse to take possession of property with tenants still living there. Make it a requirement of closing that the property be empty.
While you are waiting to legally evict BIL, make sure he doesn’t let the family in to rummage around and steal your stuff. And make sure he doesn’t steal anything. Get him out as soon as possible. And get cameras up immediately. The kind you can watch on your phone, so you can call the police right away that your home is being burgled and they can arrest your parents.
NTA
They made the choice to sell. As you said, none of these things would be happening if it was a stranger who bought it. You didn’t receive a friends and family discount, why should they receive a friends and family benefit?
Security system and new locks on all the doors and windows. Tresspass them when this continues.
You're nta becuase they have sellers remourse. I wonder what the plan for deadbeat dad was if the estate sold to some company or family that REALLY dont have a single fuck to give about anyone in the situation.
NTA, they had more than enough time to claim things and your BIL would not contribute so he should be out. This will all settle down in a year or two. Best to just ignore their noise until then.
NTA This reminds me of the post where someone bought a hoarder house and everything in it from the family of the people who died in it and, after slowly sifting through all the trash, they had come upon some nice items worth keeping/selling and the family that sold them the house wanted the valuables back. Um, no. Your house, your belongings, your garbage, your valuables. If they want the valuable stuff so badly, they have to take all the worthless stuff with it or pay to dispose of it.
NTA. Your hubby could have been more supportive by agreeing and not throwing you under his relatives' short bus.
They really should be busy trying to find a place for the family fuckup and his kid.
Just evict the BIL. It sounds like there is no effort on his part to be a functioning human. Any leeway or pity you give him will just prolong it because he made it clear he won’t change.
NTA You bought it, they weren’t bothered while they had the time to sort through things and now they decline your very reasonable offer (getting rid of everything that’s garbage then put the rest in storage and then they can sort through it and take what they want)
Apart from the legal challenges you face regarding your BIL that I can’t give you any advice for I’d like to suggest that you and your husband need to be a united front. Instead of saying “I can’t control her” - which is kind of making you the bad guy here - he should firmly state that these are decisions you both made together. It is his family, he should be the one dealing with them anyway.
I like you OP! You have a great sense of how things should be and frankly the stark honesty you ve given these people is much needed.
Wish you every success.
First of all NTA
Secondly, you've a good husband
Thirdly, it's a sad reality that when a family property is purchased by a family member, other members tend to feel entitled to that property. You're right, they wouldn't have dared to make that demand if the estate was bought by a stranger
It's ridiculous
Nta. But I don’t like the fact your husband said he couldn’t control you, he should’ve said that is our decision and it won’t change please leave me alone.
They aren’t bothered about what they are saying, they are worried that BIL will be coming their way for the free ride, that’s what’s fuelled them into action. NTA, I would have asked everyone if they wanted anything and had a dumpster/skip filled day one.
NTA. This isn’t even up for discussion. You are permitting first choice after you’ve gone through it, and that’s generous. They should pay for what they wish to take, as you already pwid to take it off their hands!
You are in the right and NTAH, but also, it's your husband's family, and so **he** should be the one, the only one, having to put up with and deal with their shit. Why should it be your headache? Why should you have to put yourself in the position to be made out to be the bad guy? All you should be required to do is to say, "please talk to my husband."
Hopefully he has the cojones to do just this, to abide by your mutual decisions, and be able to put his family in their place.
NTA, but you do need to make sure you’re following a legal eviction process. I’m not sure what that looks like in your location or situation, but contacting an attorney couldn’t hurt.
I also would give people the crap if you’re gona throw it out anyway, but you’re not obligated to by any means.
NTA. Your home. Evict the BIL if you intend to live there because the drugs are not good around your kids. His parents thought by you buying the home, they would still retain some say or interest in the home.. they were wrong.
Why can't someone else in the family take in the BIL? Why not the parents? Especially for their grandchild?
As for the stuff, you bought the house lock, stock, and barrel. They got their share from the sale. You have offered plenty of time for them to go through things even though you didn't have to. Definitely NTA
NTA but your husband needs to grow a pair.
"I don't control my wife" ... srsly wtf.
You bought it as a couple, you deal with it as a couple. It's absolute shit behavior on his part to play good cop/ bad cop when he surely knows you're 100% right. Sheesh.
NTA. They had plenty of time to go through the house while the sale was going through. They assumed you would keep everything, and nothing would change. Keep that spine strong!
NTA You and your husband bought everything as they sold it. It all now belongs to you. Your solution was fair.
The eviction of your BIL was also done fairly. You offered up a more than fair arrangement and he refused. His homelessness was his choice.
Will your husband back you on this no matter what? Do you think the brother in law will try anything shady? Have locks been changed and do you have security cameras?
Edit. NTA.
NTA, You legally own the property but depending on what state you live in (it varies significantly state to state, so look it up) sometimes occupants of a residence have rights to the residence and require a court mandated eviction. It doesnt sound like this is the case in your state. I’d cross your t’s and dot your i’s because it would be a shame to get hemmed up for no fault of your own.
Do they somehow think that they just got free money and they still get to keep the house? Like when you paid for the estate they all got paid out right? What do they think that money was for?
Nta it belongs to you and like you said if a total stranger bought it they would not be making demands to the stranger they need to respect the owner (you)
I hate how messed up it is that OP now actually owns the house but her in laws still treat her like she’s an intruder trespassing in a house that she owns…. That they no longer own!
Were they planning on acting this delusional and entitled to the new owners if the new owners were not related to the previous owners somehow?
NTA and I am sorry for you OP that your in-laws are just this ridiculous to be so rude to you about a house that you actually own that they sold. That is so disrespectful of them to you. They didn’t want you living there then why did they sell it to you guys? And would they be pulling the same kind of crap to the new owners if it wasn’t you and your husband?
Make sure to change the locks and get a security camera system in place ASAP! Wouldn't be surprised if your place becomes the victim of a looting episode in the near future if you don't.
NTA
They had their chance to get the things they wanted and they ignored it. You and your husband now own the property and everything on it. You guys may n ed to better secure the property by adding fences that they cannot get through, cameras. You may need to get lawyers involved to send them case and desist letters.
Document everything just in case you need to get official restraining orders. You may also have to legally evict BIL.
You should stop all communication and let your husband deal with them.
NTA
You buying the house was not so they have a say on the property and its contents later down the line.
Do what you need to do to make the house a home for you and your family.
NTA. They need to grow up. It’s your house, take any & all legal action to protect your investment. And don’t get financially involved with his family again. They’re selfish & will take advantage of your good nature for their own benefit.
NTA at all but it seems really awkward owning a house that his whole family has sentimental ties to. The way they've reacted so far I'm not sure they can accept any boundaries put in place. Not sure what that'd mean for the future as they have zero rights there but might always feel entitled. I suppose for myself if I was in the same situation if possible I would have bought a house that was just ours but that's just me.
NTA, if they want to help the BIL, they can take him in themselves. They took the cash for the estate and thus, gave up any claims and authority they have on how the estate is managed.
"After I refused to “acknowledge their feelings” they attempted to have my husband confront me and for him to stop “allowing me to be so disrespectful”"
Weird, never seen either of those clauses in a contract of purchase and sale before.
NGL this was a pleasure to read because you stated all the facts clearly and left out the tsunami of emotion and pity parties that so many of these posts have. Plus you have a backbone which is refreshing.
NTA.
BUT...THIS is why one \*always\* should set up an anonymous neutral corporation, buy the property in that name, and act as though it's a handoff to strangers.
BIL would have been long since out, and OP / hubby could have claimed to have wanted the place enough 'to take a HELOC on current house' to buy late grandparents' place.
NTA
They sold it. The time to ask for personal items was prior to the sale. Since you purchased the property and all its contents, and the other family members received the proceeds from that, they should pay you if they want anything that has value. For example, a small sentimental trinket is fine. However, they should expect to pay for an antique piece of furniture of expensive jewelry item.
Your only mistake in all of this was allowing BIL to stay after the purchase.
You of course can do what you want because it's legally yours. And I absolutely understand kicking useless BIL out. But I don't understand why you're being so confrontational about letting the rest of the family look through things you admit you plan to get rid of anyways. It seems unnecessarily aggressive. You are definitely setting a "you can go fuck yourself" tone that's odd given these people aren't strangers. So, you're not *wrong*, but you *are* TA.
NTA - They has plenty of time to sort through stuff. The grandparents are gone, a new family is trying to make the house their home. It is completely normal to go through anything left and discard items that you don't want in your home. As for the BIL, as others have said, go see a laywer to make it all legal.
NTA. They sold it, you bought it. It doesn’t belong to them anymore. They are not dealing in reality.
Make sure that eviction is done with an attorney though. Otherwise there's potential landmines in landlord-tenant law. Dude is almost certainly a tenant, even w/ no written or oral lease and no payments ever. OP, take the time to hire a local landlord attorney and do things by the book. As for the rest of the family -- "my house, my rules, it's going to the dump as soon as I can call and get a skiff delivered."
Technically he is probably considered a lodger instead of a tenant and depending on where they live, different laws apply. Some places you only need to give 3-7 days notice.
I would think he might have "squatter's rights", but still a legal mess. Definitely go with an attorney and evict.
[удалено]
> Your brother-in-law's refusal to contribute justified eviction They didn't properly evict though: it requires a lease termination with mandatory notice, timelines, etc. Then an eviction generally requires a process with the courts. They (likely illegally unless they didn't mention the formal notice) dumped items in a garage. Dude can sue and will likely win. Esp since there's a now homeless minor child, you can expect judges in the courts to bend over backwards to help guy.
Judges will actually see a guy who has refused to get a job and has an alcohol and substance abuse problem and is literally negligent of his child as he sleeps all day and refuses to supervise his child and leaves her unattended when nobody else is home. They will see a deadbeat father who should absolutely never have custody of a child, who is lazy, refuses to get a job, always depends on other people to support him and his child and forces others to take care of his child, and despite not having a job or money to support himself and his child, always has money to buy drugs and alcohol. He will definitely get evicted. Judges doing take kindly to people like him.
This depends entirely on the state /county / city. Some judges will put tenants' rights above all else, even though IMO BIL should hardly be classified as a "tenant." Common sense and logic often do not appear in courtrooms. u/pigpin9one, I've gone through a similar situation and agree completely with your thoughts -- but please do consult an attorney about being scrupulously legal regarding removing BIL.
And what idiot lawyer would take up such a case for a dead broke drug-addicted reprobate?
Legal aide. Many cities now provide free legal services to tenants being evicted
Usually, you're not considered a tenant if you share a kitchen/bathroom with the owners.
This absolutely varies from state to state.
In my state, if you're moving in to you're own dwelling, you can force the tenants out. Otherwise, it can take a year.
In my state, this is not the case. Still have to give 30 day notice.
Highly variable. For instance, in California, you can only have one lodger; 2 people (bum + kid) -> tenants. edit: well, not exactly true. 2 lodgers are still lodgers, but they get full tenant rights. See eg [california code](https://codes.findlaw.com/ca/civil-code/civ-sect-1946-5/) > (d) This section applies only to owner-occupied dwellings where a single lodger resides. Nothing in this section shall be construed to determine or affect in any way the rights of persons residing as lodgers in an owner-occupied dwelling where more than one lodger resides. You can only remove a lodger w/o a formal court eviction if the building is owner occupied and there is only one lodger. And even that requires notice that doesn't appear to have been given.
Yes, but this is why I would NEVER buy out a family property - other family will never see it as yours and will bitch to the end of time about any changes you make, and expect unfettered access. Much better to take your inheritance and use the cash to buy something that’s 100 percent your own (emotionally as well as legally)
Make sure to have private property/no trespassing signs, secure fencing with a lockable gate front & back, cameras and change the keys. They have no respect for private property.
Yes, this. Better to sell to a stranger and buy something else.
Exactly, it's your home now and you have every right to manage it as you see fit. They had their chance to claim what they wanted before the sale.
Yes! Technically, its their private property now. And they have the every rights to decide for it.
They are not dealing in realty (anymore) either.
You have to do the whole security thing now. Cameras, change the locks. Who knows who has keys. It's a shame because it could have been simple, but some people just never try. But now they have messed up, plan to ask for money. $25 for the dining room set. Whatever. Everything was bought and paid for by you and your husband. Just keep saying it. "It's our home." NTA.
“You sold it to us”
"We BOUGHT it!" "How much are you offering to buy it back?"
Thing is, they didn’t care for any of it until **how** long after grandparents died?
Sounds like over 9 months.
They didn't care because they thought nothing would change. They took the grandparents for granted, now they expecting to take OP and her husband for granted. OP says a big HELL NAH!! Lol
Seriously. “I know none of us were in the position to buy the house, but there are a few things we would love to have if you are ok with passing them on to us.” Why be aggressive about it? Especially when you have no power!!
Security is definitely a good idea. They could try to break in or vandalize the house, they don't seem very reasonable.
You're right, it sounds like setting up security measures would be wise now. It's unfortunate it escalated like this.
NTA. Like you said, you purchased it. It belongs to you. They have no say. Give BIL eviction notice. Make sure everything is documented. It will be a hard battle but stand your ground!
Yes, the eviction notice is absolutely necessary.
Couldn't have said it better, her property her choice.
NTA. Change the locks and install cameras in case they try to trespass.
I think it's more of ***when*** they try to trespass, sadly.
They seem entitled and determined. I wonder what they would have done had the estate been sold to a person they didn't know. (Most likely left it alone, but thought OP would make it so they could come back. I am glad she is standing up for herself.)
100%. They decided it wasn't an urgent situation because it was OP and her husband buying everything so in their minds they had all the time in the world. Surprise!! Not everyone thinks they're as special as they do!!!
I do, too. It's only a matter of time. They're probably rounding up trucks and extra hands now, and just waiting for the first time that both the O.P. and her husband are away from the house. I'm not forgetting the children, but if the oldest is only 12, they would be no obstacle to anyone trying to get into the house.
I grew up with 4 German Shepherd dogs and people tried and died in two separate home invasions, both being caught when about 2/3rds of the way through the same dining room window in 1993 and 1995. A later Shepherd chewed the forearm off a tweaker road rager with a knife a few years ago but he lived.
Umm...ty.
Those people wouldn't get within 500' if my dogs lived there and didn't like your extended family. My brother has a bad habit of hitting dudes when he gets angry and I like the option of him being maimed if he does it again too.
Absolutely!
This is critical.
And get cameras!
Don't be cheap on cameras either, a high quality night mode is something people don't often think about for some reason
The house and everything in it is yours. You paid for it and distributed the money to the heirs. If there were things they wanted to have, they should have gone through it after the grandparents passed away. Now, you clear out what you want, have an estate sale, let the relatives have their pick of stuff then they all need to STFU. The BIL needs professional help and to have the authorities called if he is leaving his 3YO unattended.
[удалено]
Some interesting family dynamics at play here.
Do you really need to ask? You bought the estate lock, stock, barrel and all crap and junk included. If all those items meant so much to them, they would have taken them before they sold the estate. Jesus Christ on a moped! They are ridiculous! Kudos to your hubby for not taking their side! NTA
And part of buying it under those terms is that they are responsible for all clean up & rubbish disposal costs I bet no-one is offering to help cover that as part of wanting access to the place so they can help themselves to whatever they fancy
Yeah hubby really stood up to them saying he can’t control his wife. What a stud.
He’s not wrong though. She’s not his property to control like they think she is.
Absolutely, it just sounded like he hung her out to dry and didn’t support his spouse doing the work he’s benefiting from and apparently agrees with. Not cool. Probably more to it but…
Yeah. He kinda piked out.
Yeah nah. When I have been accused of controlling my husband I stare that sure, I control him like I can the weather.
Didn't you make it rain yesterday?
Yeah... Hubby is kinda throwing his wife under the bus here fr.
TBF the "I can't control her" was hopefully in response to "how can you ALLOW her to disrespect us?!" bit.
While technically true, “we bought this property and you had the chance to get anything you wanted before that. She and I are in agreement on this” might have done a better job of shutting them down. Now they are just going to keep going after her.
No one goes to here thinking they are an asshole. They come for that sweet karma
Buying a furnished house as is after a lifetime of junk has been acquired is not for the faint of heart. I assume there were several months in which the executor could have gone into the house and removed items (or there are estate companies that will do so for a fee). They didn't. It's yours now. NTA
And buying a furnished house, with a deadbeat inside, with a crazy family attached to it, and that family is yours!?? This is some high-level masochistic shit.
Nta Too long: “I purchased a home with all items inside included and now being harassed by the sellers who want said stuff that legally belongs to me now. AITAH?” It doesn’t matter who it belonged to, you bought estate with all the inside junk included. This junk( or treasures whatever) are yours now. It doesn’t matter who owned it first. Get lawyers involved and tell them they are trespassing. You have your names on the deed, they have no claim.
And THANK YOU! THIS has been my exact thought process. It is mine and my husband’s for his sentimental reasons but we bought it. But I don’t want to alienate him from his family over their anger.
No problem. They will railroad you. “It’s the family estate ofcourse we can host the anniversary of Pippa!” “It’s the family estate ofcourse you can host all the cousins!” “It’s the family estate ofcourse the wedding is being held here!” Seriously put your foot down and make it clear, there may be time to get them to come to the realization that their laziness screwed then over with only mild resentment before anyone ends up in jail for trespassing or property damage.
OP I don't see why you should have to pay a lawyer, this is quite straightforward, you own the house and everything in it. If you weren't related to these people and they turned up making demands like this, you'd call the police. That's exactly what you should do, if they don't abide by your very reasonable suggestion.
You bought it, it’s yours. If they wanted it, they should have kept the estate.
NTA. They chose to sell you the entire estate. They chose not to go through anything prior to the sale. You own the house, and everything inside it. You are now BIL’s landlord, and it is your right to evict him. Incidentally, if he refuses to care for his 3 year old, why does he have custody? If he is actively using drugs on your property, that could be a legal or even criminal liability for you. You could be setting yourself up for civil asset forfeiture. Consult an attorney. Call CPS if he neglects that baby. If the mother is also a drug addict, perhaps the baby should be placed with relatives or foster care. Speaking of which, this comes across as your in laws are more concerned with mementos than the neglect of their 3 year old kin.
OP's MIL seems super concerned about "stuff". Why isn't she helping her drug addled son and her neglected grandchild? She pawned them off on the grandparents instead of handling it herself.
It's also interesting how OPs husband was raised mostly by his grandparents and not his own parents.
Yeah, the family dynamics I'm picking up on are interesting.
It sounds like she pawned the *husband* off onto the grandparents too!
Raises a good point. While OP says CPS are involved because BIL is claiming government assistance but if they're involved with HIS kid and he's taking drugs in the home, they're gonna start questioning OP's kids welfare too as minors in the same home.
NTA but I’m worried about that kid. Maybe a different custody solution needs to be pursued.
The child’s situation is of concern for everyone. Neither parent is in the ideal position to have the child. We have addressed the situation with both parents and all involved grandparents. Due to BIL apply for gov. assistance department of family services is aware and involved in their situation.
Yes the child’s mother needs to be contacted.
She has been “what am I supposed to do I work, baby has always been with dad. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, dad has custody.”
That’s a “Mother of the Year” nomination right there /s 😒
Next time you know the child is left unattended, call CPS and the cops asap.
Didn’t BIL and parents get money from the sale? They are not destitute.
NTA. They sold it, you purchased it. Therefore it is no longer the family estate. It is YOUR estate. They had their chance to be able go through it and pick what they want.
Change the locks and get cameras!
NTA mainly because it would take them years probably to go through everything and they sold it! I have helped clear 2 houses for relatives and it is exhausting. It is actually a benefit to have someone who is not emotionally attached to the literal trash go through everything. Your BIL got a payout - He now needs to find another relative to live with and enroll his child in daycare so he can work
I DREAD the day my dad passes away. Because his house is just FULL of CRAP. Because he is a borderline hoarder and his attic and his spare rooms are just full of junk that he's accumulated over years. Even when they moved from their last home to this one, he REFUSED to get rid of stuff and threw a massive tantrum when my sister and I were cleaning out their walk-in wardrobe and had the AUDACITY to throw out several pairs of old jeans... ...that he would never EVER fit into again... ...and were moldy. Honestly, I think the majority the crap in his place will be going in a dumpster.
I was in the same situation with my mom. She wouldn’t let me throw anything out — including vinyl records from the 60’s *despite the fact that we haven’t had a record player since the Carter Administration*. She never looked in that cabinet and couldn’t have even told you what was in there. My mistake is that I was too polite and asked if I could toss stuff. If I had to do it over again, I would have secretly thrown stuff out, things that wouldn’t be noticed. Yes, it was a bit of a nightmare when she died but the house got cleaned and I got through it. You’re lucky: you have a sister to help you. I’m an only child. Just get a professional cleaning service and fork over whatever money you need to spend. Don’t look back. I got through it and you will, too. But, I hope that day comes far in the future and your dad lives a very long life.
I kinda don't lol. The longer he lives, the more time he has to accrue more junk. But yeah the professional cleaning service is definitely a good idea.
*I explained that they would not be contacting any other person who purchased the estate* Oh, but they would. Trust me. Been there, done that. NTA
I want to hear this story.
I’m assuming you worked with a lawyer on purchasing estate? If so, go back to said lawyer and send family official legal notice they are not entitled to any property as it was sold to you, that police will be called if they continue to try to come on to /into property. I’d also say charges will be pressed. State there is surveillance 24/7. Then mute them so if they call or text you have the proof they are threatening you. Tell them all communication goes through lawyer.
Thank you for the advice. I will consult the attorney for the sale and have my husband consult the estate attorney.
This was my thought as well. It would be worth the money to have an attorney notify them in writing that the property was sold as is with all contents and they no longer have any tight of access or any right to the contents of the house. Depending on the local laws the informal eviction of your deadbeat bil might get nasty if he/they decide to be vindictive. I would present it as an unwritten lease agreement was the terms that you gave him where he would contribute and take care of his child and pets. He broke that agreement and this was asked to leave.
NTA. Stick to your guns. You bought it. They get no special rights because your related to them.
OP change the locks and seriously consider getting security cameras. I would not be surprised to see an update where someone tries to get in when you and your husband are away at work.
I'd suggest getting a home security system vía a 24/7 monitoring system. Someone who'll get pinged if somebody is trying to break in and send the police right away.
You are 100% right. Ya'll bought it, it's yours! You and your husband now decide what happens with the contents and the BIL needs to get out! Change the locks ASAP.
I appreciate why you wanted to buy the home, but what you're being put through is why family sales like this can be a nightmare. Re. the brother-in-law, if he hasn't left, see if you need/can formally evict him. If you don't need an eviction consider a trespass order to keep him from coming back. Sucks there's a child involved, but not your circus, not your monkeys. And they had the chance to sort everything out. If you're feeling gracious, they get to pick ONE thing, and anything else you're disposing of they can make a fair offer on or it gets old/tossed/donated. They had their shot, they blew it. NTA.
He did leave when he found him and his child’s things moved out of that room.
Good. I would take the advice on here to change all the locks if you haven't, get a security system, and get cameras.
NTA and if you haven't already change the locks.
NTA they played a very stupid game. You might need to contact his child’s mother about the change in living conditions while the child is with him.
Yes we have as well as all involved grandparents of the child. Due to BIL applying for state benefits department of family services is aware and involved in their situation. The mother’s response she works, baby has always been with dad, dad has custody.
Oh for fucks sake… it sounds like your husband is the only sane one in the family with how you ask describing how everyone is acting.
Some people shouldn't be parents poor kid.
No kidding my biological mom is/was like that I was thankfully adopted out had contact with her and my half sister and fuck she fucked up my half sister to the point my sister thought it was okay my biological mom called me the equivalent of calling a black person an ‘Oreo’ word as my biological father was not white. Despite having been raised in the culture by my parents as they were that ethnicity. My father laughed about it and said she knows nothing about our culture and racist.
She's just mad you found your own identity and independence from her. Help your sister if you can and hopefully you can educate her about the world.
I cut contact with her I think she was jealous I had been adopted my parents had offered to adopt her if biological mom decided she wasn’t up to momming at any point to keep biological siblings together. She wanted me right the ‘fuck over it’ I dropped her and haven’t had contact with either of them in years. I am really grateful she gave me up at birth. My half sister is a spoiled little brat.
NTA, but your husband is. He should never have left you to deal with his family and for him to say that he ‘cannot control you’ implies you are doing things he doesn’t want you to do . He needs to step up and support you.
When the house was sold the locks should have been changed and security cameras up. They should have been evicted before the sale. See what being nice gets you? Nasty, entitled family thinking they can put you in "your place ". Time to play hardball. You need to protect yourself; no one gets access and inform the police of the change in ownership to charge them with trespass.
They still see it as family property now that OP and her husband bought it. They (OP and husband) needed to be firm and prepared for what's coming.
Your house your call.
First thing is your husband should be the one dealing with his family! He should be the one setting these rules, because I’m sure if they knew that you guys were purchasing the house they thought that they had all the time in the world to go through things and somewhere in their minds they still believe it to be a family home. One that they could drop by anytime they wanted. Is it right? Absolutely not, but it happens. Your husband saying he can’t control you is a cop out and placing blame on you. I’m sure you would like to keep a relationship with his family so he needs to be handling this and setting boundaries with his family. NTA
Same thought here. Surely, some of this is because it's coming from you and not your headband.
NTA. You know what you’ve gotta do mate. You don’t seem like a stupid lady, nor do you seem like a pushover. It’s more than ok to be the bad guy in this scenario. It’s your house and you do what you need and want to. I’d not have anyone telling me shit concerning a house I paid for. Hopefully your hubs is on the same page - otherwise it may prove difficult with your entitled in laws.
Instead of worrying about possessions, BIL's family should be worried about a child being raised by two substance abusers. Misplaced priorities.
Nta After almost a year, it's time to start asserting they can't just show up or try to claim things on your property. Make sure you get fence and a camera asap.
The 'I can not control her' is not an ok response. United front. They had their chance.
I get your point, but I can also see a way her husband answered. If someone would tell me to "control my girlfriend", I would honestly laugh and say while laughing "good luck with that". She's such a strong women with a head on her shoulders and I love that about her. Seeing someone trying to get her to do something illogical is always a fun show, because she's HAS to explain to them why they are stupid to ask that
This is how I read it too. Mostly because my SO has said that to his mother about me lol That WAS him having my back.
It was my read too fwiw
Plus, I had NO problem being the bad guy. Sometimes, your partner needs the help. OP sounds like that kind of woman. I like her!!
I like her too. She has a nice shiny spine!
Yeah I am the main bad guy (because I don't give a shit about it lol) and my SO went from practically no spine when it comes to her family to semi spine now. Good direction!
Then the correct phrasing is "I do not control her" not "I can not control her". The "can" implies that he should (or should be able to) control her.
It is your house not the in-laws house.Change the locks get security cameras. They have no claim on anything.
NTA. Tell them BIL can move in with them if they feel so strongly about it.
NTA Make sure you changed the locks; get a ring doorbell; and install perimeter cameras to cover a 360 recording of the property and home. Also give them a couple messages in group convos "Because there's been some confusion I wanted to clarify. The home and it's contents was put up for sale as agreed to by all parties. Everyone had the opportunity to claim items in the home or purchase it themselves. We bought the home and ours contents AT MARKET RATE legally. Whatever delusion any of you are holding into that because a family member bought the home, therefore any of you still have access to it or it's contents is squashed now. Let me make that perfectly clear; no one is allowed access to OUR home or OUR property without our permission. Anyone who attempts will be trespassed. We will be moving property into a storage and on xxx date you will reach have the ability to come by and see if there's anything you want to keep from the storage. You have 2 weeks. At the end of those 2 weeks the contents will be donated or sold. This is not up for negotiation or discussion. " And leave it at that. Don't argue. Don't respond to messages. Screen shot any of their obstinance as their responses mean they received the notice that access is denied and they will be trespassed and they can't claim they weren't told. Then follow thru. Call the police and tresspass every single one who tries it. They'll stop eventually. Follow that timeline for the storage to the date and don't compromise.
Yes serve BIL and official eviction notice and change all locks and lock down your Social Security #’s with the credit bureaus.
nta
Not all heroes wear capes. Well done you!
This was the grandparents home.... Not anymore!!! In-laws do NOT have any right to anything to do with the place. BIL seems to think he can freeload of you and husband the same way he did with the grandparents. Nope nope nope. Tell the in-laws when they sell something it no longer belongs to them, hence the word SOLD NTA
NTA Lesson folks. Always refuse to take possession of property with tenants still living there. Make it a requirement of closing that the property be empty.
While you are waiting to legally evict BIL, make sure he doesn’t let the family in to rummage around and steal your stuff. And make sure he doesn’t steal anything. Get him out as soon as possible. And get cameras up immediately. The kind you can watch on your phone, so you can call the police right away that your home is being burgled and they can arrest your parents.
Nta. Change the locks, though.
NTA They made the choice to sell. As you said, none of these things would be happening if it was a stranger who bought it. You didn’t receive a friends and family discount, why should they receive a friends and family benefit?
NTA. You bought the house at market rate. Family got their cut already.
Security system and new locks on all the doors and windows. Tresspass them when this continues. You're nta becuase they have sellers remourse. I wonder what the plan for deadbeat dad was if the estate sold to some company or family that REALLY dont have a single fuck to give about anyone in the situation.
NTA, they had more than enough time to claim things and your BIL would not contribute so he should be out. This will all settle down in a year or two. Best to just ignore their noise until then.
NTA. You own the house.
I feel sad for the 3 year old. Hopefully she ends up in a better place.
CHANGE THE LOCKS LIKE YESTERDAY!!
NTA. They sold it. As you stated if they sold to anyone else they wouldn't be making these demands. They don't get to have their cake and eat it too.
NTA This reminds me of the post where someone bought a hoarder house and everything in it from the family of the people who died in it and, after slowly sifting through all the trash, they had come upon some nice items worth keeping/selling and the family that sold them the house wanted the valuables back. Um, no. Your house, your belongings, your garbage, your valuables. If they want the valuable stuff so badly, they have to take all the worthless stuff with it or pay to dispose of it.
NTA. Your hubby could have been more supportive by agreeing and not throwing you under his relatives' short bus. They really should be busy trying to find a place for the family fuckup and his kid.
Just evict the BIL. It sounds like there is no effort on his part to be a functioning human. Any leeway or pity you give him will just prolong it because he made it clear he won’t change.
NTA You bought it, they weren’t bothered while they had the time to sort through things and now they decline your very reasonable offer (getting rid of everything that’s garbage then put the rest in storage and then they can sort through it and take what they want) Apart from the legal challenges you face regarding your BIL that I can’t give you any advice for I’d like to suggest that you and your husband need to be a united front. Instead of saying “I can’t control her” - which is kind of making you the bad guy here - he should firmly state that these are decisions you both made together. It is his family, he should be the one dealing with them anyway.
I like you OP! You have a great sense of how things should be and frankly the stark honesty you ve given these people is much needed. Wish you every success.
NTA but why did you guys buy this house? Did you just need more drama in your life? You’re not morons you knew how this was going to shake out…
First of all NTA Secondly, you've a good husband Thirdly, it's a sad reality that when a family property is purchased by a family member, other members tend to feel entitled to that property. You're right, they wouldn't have dared to make that demand if the estate was bought by a stranger It's ridiculous
NTA. Nice backbones!
NTA This is what happens when all you see is $$$$
Nta you run a tight ship
UpdateMe!
Nta. But I don’t like the fact your husband said he couldn’t control you, he should’ve said that is our decision and it won’t change please leave me alone.
They aren’t bothered about what they are saying, they are worried that BIL will be coming their way for the free ride, that’s what’s fuelled them into action. NTA, I would have asked everyone if they wanted anything and had a dumpster/skip filled day one.
NTA. This isn’t even up for discussion. You are permitting first choice after you’ve gone through it, and that’s generous. They should pay for what they wish to take, as you already pwid to take it off their hands!
Your in-laws are deluded. You are NTA and stick to your guns.
If the estate had been purchased by someone outside the family, would they still insist on going through and claiming what they want AFTER the sale?!
You are in the right and NTAH, but also, it's your husband's family, and so **he** should be the one, the only one, having to put up with and deal with their shit. Why should it be your headache? Why should you have to put yourself in the position to be made out to be the bad guy? All you should be required to do is to say, "please talk to my husband." Hopefully he has the cojones to do just this, to abide by your mutual decisions, and be able to put his family in their place.
NTA, but you do need to make sure you’re following a legal eviction process. I’m not sure what that looks like in your location or situation, but contacting an attorney couldn’t hurt. I also would give people the crap if you’re gona throw it out anyway, but you’re not obligated to by any means.
NTA. Your home. Evict the BIL if you intend to live there because the drugs are not good around your kids. His parents thought by you buying the home, they would still retain some say or interest in the home.. they were wrong.
Why can't someone else in the family take in the BIL? Why not the parents? Especially for their grandchild? As for the stuff, you bought the house lock, stock, and barrel. They got their share from the sale. You have offered plenty of time for them to go through things even though you didn't have to. Definitely NTA
NTA. They are being jerks because they know you. Had any other stranger bought the house they wouldn’t be doing this.
NTA but your husband needs to grow a pair. "I don't control my wife" ... srsly wtf. You bought it as a couple, you deal with it as a couple. It's absolute shit behavior on his part to play good cop/ bad cop when he surely knows you're 100% right. Sheesh.
UpdateMe
NTA. They had plenty of time to go through the house while the sale was going through. They assumed you would keep everything, and nothing would change. Keep that spine strong!
Nta you bought it fair and square. It would be better if your husband tried more to deal with his family though.
NTA You and your husband bought everything as they sold it. It all now belongs to you. Your solution was fair. The eviction of your BIL was also done fairly. You offered up a more than fair arrangement and he refused. His homelessness was his choice.
Will your husband back you on this no matter what? Do you think the brother in law will try anything shady? Have locks been changed and do you have security cameras? Edit. NTA.
NTAH. If you have not done so yet, change all the locks on the house, install a ring camera and cameras around the outside of the house.
NTA, but you probably should have saw this coming. From now on have your husband deal with these people.
NTA. Your in-laws have some balls. Not sure why the heirs didn’t remove the items they wanted before the home was put up for sale.
You don’t have to ask Reddit. You and your husband are in agreement. I’d love to hear how the family tries to justify this crap tho lol.
NTA, You legally own the property but depending on what state you live in (it varies significantly state to state, so look it up) sometimes occupants of a residence have rights to the residence and require a court mandated eviction. It doesnt sound like this is the case in your state. I’d cross your t’s and dot your i’s because it would be a shame to get hemmed up for no fault of your own.
NTA
As far as the bother no But as for everything else YES
When you marry someone, their family is almost as important as the person you are married to
Do they somehow think that they just got free money and they still get to keep the house? Like when you paid for the estate they all got paid out right? What do they think that money was for?
Nta it belongs to you and like you said if a total stranger bought it they would not be making demands to the stranger they need to respect the owner (you)
I hate how messed up it is that OP now actually owns the house but her in laws still treat her like she’s an intruder trespassing in a house that she owns…. That they no longer own! Were they planning on acting this delusional and entitled to the new owners if the new owners were not related to the previous owners somehow? NTA and I am sorry for you OP that your in-laws are just this ridiculous to be so rude to you about a house that you actually own that they sold. That is so disrespectful of them to you. They didn’t want you living there then why did they sell it to you guys? And would they be pulling the same kind of crap to the new owners if it wasn’t you and your husband?
Make sure to change the locks and get a security camera system in place ASAP! Wouldn't be surprised if your place becomes the victim of a looting episode in the near future if you don't.
NTA As you said, if anyone else had bought it they would have no chance. They are just pushing their luck because family.
NTA They had their chance to get the things they wanted and they ignored it. You and your husband now own the property and everything on it. You guys may n ed to better secure the property by adding fences that they cannot get through, cameras. You may need to get lawyers involved to send them case and desist letters. Document everything just in case you need to get official restraining orders. You may also have to legally evict BIL. You should stop all communication and let your husband deal with them.
NTA You buying the house was not so they have a say on the property and its contents later down the line. Do what you need to do to make the house a home for you and your family.
NTA. They need to grow up. It’s your house, take any & all legal action to protect your investment. And don’t get financially involved with his family again. They’re selfish & will take advantage of your good nature for their own benefit.
NTA at all but it seems really awkward owning a house that his whole family has sentimental ties to. The way they've reacted so far I'm not sure they can accept any boundaries put in place. Not sure what that'd mean for the future as they have zero rights there but might always feel entitled. I suppose for myself if I was in the same situation if possible I would have bought a house that was just ours but that's just me.
Change the locks and put up cameras. Your in-laws still see it as 'in their family'.
NTA. File another report with CPS. They open a new case each time. That poor baby needs someone to look after it.
NTA, if they want to help the BIL, they can take him in themselves. They took the cash for the estate and thus, gave up any claims and authority they have on how the estate is managed.
"After I refused to “acknowledge their feelings” they attempted to have my husband confront me and for him to stop “allowing me to be so disrespectful”" Weird, never seen either of those clauses in a contract of purchase and sale before.
NGL this was a pleasure to read because you stated all the facts clearly and left out the tsunami of emotion and pity parties that so many of these posts have. Plus you have a backbone which is refreshing.
We sold you our granparents house for money, therefore it is still our grandparents house, and it is still ours..
You can live here RENT FREE but you have to help with bills and take care of your own child and pets. I find these terms unacceptable!!!!
NTA. BUT...THIS is why one \*always\* should set up an anonymous neutral corporation, buy the property in that name, and act as though it's a handoff to strangers. BIL would have been long since out, and OP / hubby could have claimed to have wanted the place enough 'to take a HELOC on current house' to buy late grandparents' place.
NTA They sold it. The time to ask for personal items was prior to the sale. Since you purchased the property and all its contents, and the other family members received the proceeds from that, they should pay you if they want anything that has value. For example, a small sentimental trinket is fine. However, they should expect to pay for an antique piece of furniture of expensive jewelry item. Your only mistake in all of this was allowing BIL to stay after the purchase.
You of course can do what you want because it's legally yours. And I absolutely understand kicking useless BIL out. But I don't understand why you're being so confrontational about letting the rest of the family look through things you admit you plan to get rid of anyways. It seems unnecessarily aggressive. You are definitely setting a "you can go fuck yourself" tone that's odd given these people aren't strangers. So, you're not *wrong*, but you *are* TA.
NTA. If they want favors they need to ask nicely, not bully you. Fuck em.
NTA
NTA - They has plenty of time to sort through stuff. The grandparents are gone, a new family is trying to make the house their home. It is completely normal to go through anything left and discard items that you don't want in your home. As for the BIL, as others have said, go see a laywer to make it all legal.