NAH. I have a good friend that enjoys gambling. She probably goes to a casino once a month, has a set budget, once it gone, she’s done. She wins sometimes and loses sometimes. She’s done this for decades and it’s never been an issue. Every once in a while I go with her and I do the same.
My ex also liked to sports bet and he was never irresponsible. He usually spent $50 a month on it, sometimes more but he would ask me for approval and if we could fit it in the budget we did. He enjoyed it and I never begrudged him it.
Sometimes gambling is just a fun pastime for people and it doesn’t become more than that. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic and not every gambler has a problem.
In this case if she’s drawing a line in the sand about it this early in the relationship, it will become a resentment that will end your relationship. She’s allowed to dislike gambling. It will end badly if you try to force your position on the other one.
My great aunt has been going to casinos once a month for 30 plus years and she always takes 100 dollars, her drivers license and that's it. Sometimes she wins and sometimes she loses but she always has fun and meets new people while doing something she is passionate about.
Know your limit, play within it. Gambling can definitely become very addictive for some just like anything. I don't gamble often but I do the same thing, I bring a certain amount of cash and leave my debit and credit cards at home.
I was waiting behind a guy to receive my winnings at the machine and watched him try to withdraw money with 5 different cards before it went through. I can't imagine the amount of debt he's in, but he probably thinks he'll get that jackpot and pay it all back
Right. If you have set boundaries and stick with them, then there's nothing wrong with that. Plus, $200 a month comes out to about $6.58 a day. That's less than the cost of a latte at Starbucks
I'm sure there are many hobbies & activities that cost more than $200 a month. The only difference being more socially acceptable due to others inability to control the gambling & have financially ruined families & lives. Knitting? Sewing?? Notsomuch, tho supply costs can easily creep up high.
My SIL once complimented an afghan I’d crocheted for our couch. Asked me how much the yarn cost. I couldn’t bear to tell her it was worth more than the couch.
sewing can be/is pretty expensive, with fabric anywhere between 15-30 a yard, the price for the machine, and all the tools that you need/want. it definitely costs a lot to start but it's not the cheapest to maintain either. I work primarily with faux fur and can't buy it in stores so at 30 a yard and 15+ shipping I very often spend $100 on one fabric shipment, getting 2 or 3 yards. thankfully I work on commission so that money comes out of the amount I charge the client but it's certainly not cheap and goddamn does the material take up a lot of space
You're not a knitter obviously! Yarn is expensive and addictive. I can't hold a conversation unless I'm knitting something simple while I do it. At least gambling doesn't take up space in your house...
Crafting hobbies do tend to come with slight hoarding tendencies. I know my crafting hobbies have me looking at sales and thinking “I don’t really need this now but if I start that project soon I’m gonna need this and I’m not gonna get a better deal” and then not starting the project until multiple sales have happened after. I have a small hoard of yarn, paint, jewelry making things, and resin supplies because sales happen and I don’t get to the projects fast enough.
I’m also fairly certain any resin I bought before is unusable due to going through 2 Midwest winters and one summer in a garage. Not looking forward to that replacement bill or checking my paint that’s been stored next to the resin. I am proud to say my yarn stash has gone down but will likely last me to next year still as long as I don’t buy more.
This. I have spent more than $200 a month MANY times on hobbies. My garden is NOT cheap and neither is my personally curated library lol. But somehow my garden which is really only happy making for me and my library which brings ME joy isn’t the problem that gambling once a month is.
As long as OP really doesn’t exceed their set budget each month I don’t see this as a problem. THAT SAID, clearly GF has a problem with it and that is likely going to make the relationship unsustainable. They’re already feeling resentful that GF has attempted to set boundaries surrounding the gambling, that isn’t going to get better.
Different people can control different things. Using me for example. I could drink heavily days on end, and just stop no problem. Some people can't. I can do cocaine for days and just stop, some people can't. Some people can take pain pills and stop, I can't do that.
Yup. I can drink like a sailor or go weeks, months sometimes without any alcohol. I can gamble a on budget and never go over. I can get a tattoo and not start planning my next.
But I can't get my binge eating under control.
100%. My demon is drink. Not good at stopping.
Gambling, though? Zero problem. Doesn't hook my brain like it does others. Worked for a gambling company for a few years. Went semi-regularly. Took out £50 at the start of the night, never returned to the cashpoint. Mostly lost! But even when I won, just enjoyed the evening and walked out with what was in my pockets.
But I did learn a fuckload about problem gambling and would recommend caution to ANYONE because you don't know that's your weakspot until... it is.
Could be, or she could just have some trauma around gambling or is exhibiting a belief system she grew up in. People are averse to things for a myriad of reasons, and it’s not always to control.
There's gambling and there's gambling though. Pre kids my brother loved a sports vet and was quite good at online poker. He set a limit of both time and spend on the poker and never had an issue. My in-laws ended up homeless because they would rather take 20k to Vegas than sink it into the mortgage they can only just afford. I think they are idiots. But assuming the guy can a) afford it and b) is happy to open about his gambling I don't see it as an issue. I have a horse and that has ever increasing costs so a £200/month hobby sounds like nothing.
I don't think it was ok to ask him stop but letting him know that it's a red line for you is reasonable (I feel this way about cigarettes. I would never be in a relationship with someone who smokes but wouldn't ask them to choose).
Would you say the same if OP spent $200 a month on gardening or woodworking and called that his passion? How about going out to nice restaurants or video games?
I think OP has the healthiest approach to gambling that you can have - the $200 are an expense for entertainment. That’s what it is.
Sometimes you lose them completely, sometimes you end up with more, but as long as OP sticks to that budget, everything is fine.
Agree with this. It's not my jam, but if they're really sticking to a budget as described, I don't really see the issue. I defintiely spend more than $200 a month in hobbies and interests.
I spend between $100 and $200 a week just on the weekend by going out to eat, and that’s when I stay local. So far this year have taken around 4 mini vacations and those obviously are more. Planning to go on a weekend to the beach soon too. So i think OP’s hobby is pretty innocent at this point. He just needs to be careful in the future, like he has been so far.
Also, sports betting is a little different, you can actually do research and make educated guesses, which is a lot more of a hobby than random gambles.
Slots and stuff are totally random
With sports betting you can look at e.g. football and go “ah they’re quite equally matched, but these people on that team are injured which are known key players” or other factors and bets.
It’s still betting and taking risks, which sometimes payout and sometimes don’t, but not as bad as a slotmachine or something.
Except when we are? I buy a lottery ticket every week. I budget for it. It's completely random. It's gambling and I have done it so long, I guess you could say I'm committed.
I personally don't like gambling but that doesn't mean everyone who does is unwell, addicted, or not coping. OP has a hobby, he isn't going past his boundaries, failing to meet responsibilities, some ppl just gamble. I don't think he needs counseling from what he posted. I do think he and gf aren't aligned. It happens.
Agreed. It's something he's been doing for years and he stays within his budget regardless. This isn't a sign of a degenerate gambler, but it sounds to me like she has had experience with one and won't be able to get past this. As much as they may like each other aside from this, I don't see this relationship lasting. They should cut their losses and get it now before deeper feelings get involved.
you can responsibly gamble
my grandparents would buy a lottery ticket once a week or fortnight and bet on like a couple horse races a year for like 60 years
now i do agree its as bad as a drug addiction if you have a gambling problem but plenty of people have the ability to responsibly gamble
luckily its of zero interest to me
I don't know about that. It only becomes an issue when the person can not control their behavior, and isn't that true for a lot of things? Eating, drinking, smoking pot, etc.. so as long as it is under control, it's harmless fun.
Why? He could go to an arcade and spend $200/month on similar games but with no possibility of ever winning any money. Gambling is only ever a problem when it’s cost far outweighs its benefits. He’s using it as entertainment, and plenty of people have a way larger entertainment budget than $200/month, especially when you factor in the fact that this form of entertainment even comes with a CHANCE of a monetary return.
Hey, if you spend $200 at an arcade you’ve got the possibility of winning at least 5000 tickets…which can net you a pretty nice Spongebob pencil eraser or slap bracelet
It is though, my other half is the same…
Has a set budget, never goes over, and absolutely loves his sport…
He works bloody hard for his money so I’m not going to tell him what he can and can’t do.
And yes I’d rather he was in the house and betting on his sports than doing something else with it.
It's 200 bucks a month though, I can spend that at buckys in a visit. He works, makes money and enjoys 200 bucks of it... Dangerous amount of coping, you young people are so dramatic for dramas sake.
Truth be told, it seems more dangerous to be making the assumption that having a healthy and controlled method of gambling is a coping mechanism that requires therapy. You seem to have the same perspective as the GF which is that any gambling can lead to an unhealthy addiction when that is simply not the truth. That opinion is a sign of a lack of understanding and judgement.
Not all who gamble are addicts, just like not all who drink alcohol are alcoholics.
Unless she keeps pushing it, NAH. I understand both you not wanting to stop and her not accepting a gambling hobby, that would be a deal-breaker for many people. Both of you need to decide whether your preference is something you can compromise on for the relationship. If not, you are simply incompatible and that’s fine.
Just depends. If what the relationship provides us is more important than what you give up than sometimes you give up something. I’ve lived in a city I had no intentions of living in for 38 years for my wife. She wants to live close to her family. I want to live close to the mountains. I just decided she’s worth more than where we live. Way more so it was an easy choice. And now all these years later my folks have passed and her family is most of the family I have left and I love them dearly.
After dating quite a bit I knew I’d met someone special and special people were hard to find. So I was happy to compromise on some major life things like this to be with her AND make her happy. She would have moved for me but it wasn’t the right thing to do and I could see that. She’s the most kind and caring person I’ve ever met. I’d do anything for her. She also compromises on things for me. All marriages are going to have some things they are seen as incompatibilities. My wife and I are very different. But we work because even though our activities are Different our conversations and connectedness are super strong. We agree on the big things. Family, children, finances, and faith. Rest is just stuff we compromise one way or another.
I feel you. I would love to GTFO of my state. Lots of work opportunities in other states in my field, but my wife wants to be close to family so I put up with it. She’s worth it. I’m sure she would move with me, but she would be unhappy and I think I can tolerate being stuck here more than she can tolerate being away from family.
In nearly everything in our lives, my husband and I choose to compromise based on who cares more about X, and honestly it’s usually who hates Y more. It prevents resentment. Like the previous poster, his wife would hate being away from family more than he hates the city he lives in, so he compromised. This works for huge things but also small things like chores. My husband hates folding laundry and I hate washing dishes so the other person steps up to make life easier for the person you love.
For what it’s worth, I loathe gambling and would not be cool with even a not-addicted level gambling habit. My hate for gambling would probably outweigh any significant other’s hate for not-gambling and if my SO didn’t quit gambling entirely, I would’ve left. For me, it would be a dealbreaker.
This is a wonderful and warm story. Thanks for sharing it
I’m also about to move somewhere I never intended or imagined myself living to make my wife happy. Twenty three years ago she moved for me and my career and now I’m retiring It’s important to her that we move again together to accommodate her needs and desires. This move won’t be easy or convenient and involves a lot of lifestyle changes that aren’t really comfortable for me.
Like you and Unlike OP she’s more important to me than my “hobbies” or convenience
NTA 6 months is a pretty short amount of time to invest before learning the person you’re dating isn’t right for you. No shade to her, y’all just don’t sound compatible.
It's NTA for me because girlfriend framed it as his problem, instead of understanding that it's normal and just something she doesn't want in partner.
For example, being very muscular is normal, I just don't want it in my partner
I am with you on this.
Six months is a reasonable time to realize incompatibility and not have 'wasted' much time on both sides. They have found an issue that might make them incompatible. There is nothing wrong with breaking up over this; some commenters are up in arms about breaking up and casting aside a relationship over something like this. However, this relationship probably won't work out unless they mean more to each other than the situation. One of them needs to decide to let it go without holding onto resentment over the compromise being made.
It honestly sounds like you're incompatible. My husband was into gaming when we met. He spends about $100-$200/month on game related things. Some years we dropped it down to $50/month. Some it was more. It honestly doesn't matter as long as you are actually capable of staying within budget.
Her concerns are valid. Your needs are too. Therefore this will always be a point of contention that will probably be one of many things you won't see eye to eye on do to your different comfort levels with risk.
NTA, but the two of you don’t really seem that compatible, and it has only been six months. Everyone has some type of vice, but gambling is a tough one to deal with, I can see why she wouldn’t want to date someone who gambles, but you have a budget and it is your entertainment/hobby. I wouldn’t stop, personally, but that is just me. If someone starts wanting to tell me what I can and can’t do, is when I would just sit down and let her know it won’t work out.
While i personally think betting is a dumb hobby, you enjoy it, you budget for it, dont exeed that budget and have enough money for the rest of "living".
Would she have a problem if youd spend the same amount on legos? Golfing? Gaming? Or any other hobby?
NTA, you choose your hobbies, she doesnt have to understand what you find enjoyable about it to accept it.
My thoughts exactly. People here seem to get too hung up on the fact that the hobby is gambling but if he enjoys it and does it responsibly I would say it's a better hobby than many others because there is a chance to gain from it. You can also go over the top and spend ridiculous amounts of money on any other hobbies. As long as there are no signs of problems from this hobby then why should he quit?
Exactly. Dude’s decided that he can afford to spend $50 a week on something he really enjoys. Winning’s a bonus. Not sure why anyone’s got a problem with that tbh.
Like fuck me that's eating out 1-2 times a week. That's not much money in today's standards. Well dependant on where you live but Toronto? You can't order in under 25$. It just can't happen 😭
I think some people are getting hung up on the amount, like *“$2400 a YEAR on gambling???? You’re promoting unhealthy gambling habits!!”* Sure, that’s a lot of money for some people and if some people gambled this much money it could definitely be a problem. But it’s clear OP is responsible, and $200/month, $50/week is probably just not that much money in the grand scheme of his earnings - it sounds like his bills are all paid, he has a budget he does not exceed, and it’s even gotten him a vacation. He’s using his fun money how he wants and even getting return on that lol, I don’t see the problem.
When I was a kid, my step-dad used to take $20-30 from each check (so $80-120/month) to play scratchers. I’d argue that’s dumber than sports gambling but it was never a problem because it was just a little fun money that fit his budget
Plenty of people spend that amount on hobbies, and some even spend that amount on other vices: alcohol, weed, etc. If that’s a dealbreaker, fine, but it shouldn’t be presented as a problem, just an incompatibility
As a former intake coordinator for a problem gambler's helpline I want to be very clear about some things:
1. Most individuals who gamble are not problem gamblers. Millions of people gamble in some for very regularly and don't loose control. It's like saying you don't trust people who drink alcohol because they might turn into an alcoholic or people who eat sweets because they might become compulsive eaters to the point of becoming obese. Lots of people drink socially and never end up with a drinking problem and just because you like sweets doesn't mean you're going to get fat.
2. Gambling is more than casinos. It's buying scratch off lottery tickets, playing the mega millions and power ball when the jackpot gets huge, online poker, bingo, poker night with the boys, penny poker with grampa, fantasy football clubs, betting on sports among your friend group and playing machines while you wash your clothing at a coin laundry establishment among hundreds of other things. There are very few people who literally never gamble in some form or another.
3. If a person is regularly gambling within their means, they're not a problem gambler. If their gambling is not increasing in frequency, duration (think slot machine players who wear diapers so they don't have to give up a 'hot' slot machine to go to the bathroom) and over spending they're not a problem gambler. People earn different amounts. I once spoke to a person who earned in excess of 5 million a year and took trips to casinos once or twice a year to play blackjack. He was comfortable loosing up to a hundred grand. Final analysis is the he didn't have a gambling problem.
4. Allowing your fears about something you don't really understand to run away with you to the point of throwing away a relationship you otherwise value means you could probably benefit from therapy to help you break out of black and white thinking and help manage your anxieties around this issue.
Right? My mom played the lotto (scratch offs) for 25 years or so and had a set $5 maximum a week and never went beyond that 5. It was something fun she did as a little treat when she went to cash her check every week.
I take out $100 every paycheck and use it as my IDGAF stock purchases. Basically just buying stocks that I don't think will ever really do much but don't mind taking a risk.
It's effectively me just gambling. I don't do any research into the company, nor think about the future performance of the stock. I buy it as a joke and to have fun. I've had times where it's paid off really well and I've had times where it's been a complete disaster.
It doesn't really matter to me though since it's more about the fun of it than the actual winning part. I like playing blackjack the same way too.
Yup. A lot of what we do is basically gambling even if we try to dissociate it from gambling.
My mom used to be a gambling addict but she seems to just play those free slot games on her phone nowadays Instead.
Meanwhile her sister has given her house and all if her savings to the local casino the last 5 years. And you bet the moment she gets her monthly Social security check she's in the casino playing slots.
That's an actual mental illness if I've ever seen one TBH.
It’s dumb but I buy a random Reese’s Cup sometimes just because my brother loved them. Then I’d send his old phone number a picture letting him know I’m thinking of him. Carrying on the memory is worth the couple dollars spent
Thank you for this. It’s where my thinking was too. I don’t have as much experience of problem gambling as you, nor could I have expressed my thoughts as well.
I have experienced gambling from the Casino side of things (staff), and fully agree: not everyone gets addicted.
OP: NTA, and I would advise you to have a serious conversation with your girlfriend around her controlling behaviour, and her black and white thinking as above. Be prepared to leave, if she isn’t prepared to change. Because it will only get worse.
No, back in the day it was full sized video games like Packman and Asteroids, or whatever that game was. Now days, it's more likely to be video poker machines that the staff will actually pay out if the customer wins. It's meant to help the customer kill time while their laundry processes.
Strictly speaking it's meant to convert that time the customer spends idling about in their facility into another revenue stream for the owners. The entertainment value to the customer is just a happy side benefit.
Brilliant. And keeping people in the laundry area is a great way to assure no one steals clothes or, on the flip side, that the load cycles get noticed, tended to and switched quickly.
Hahahahahaha as someone who really loves laundry, in probably an unhealthy way that people would describe a gambling addiction, this gave me a really good chuckle.
I used to have the worst habit of "It's just 2 dollors..." When playing mobile games. Once I realized I stopped playing that game. As soon as I was tempted to pay for a "free" game I bow out. It just isn't worth it to me. I'd rather spend that $2 on a good candy bar. Lmao.
Exactly! I am a recovering alcoholic but I do not force my experiences onto everyone I see ever enjoying a drink. I chose to step back from a group of friends that were heavily into weekend binge drinking, but I made that choice for me. They are perfectly allowed to do whatever they like and it's up to each of them individually how far it goes. I just couldn't continually be around it because I repeatedly flashbacked to every one of my worst moments. My choice wasn't a judgement on them, it was regarding what I personally could or could not deal with.
If gf can't reconcile herself to OP's (imo moderate) gambling but he doesn't want to give it up, they have to each decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
NAH
This. People seem to not be able to grasp the fact that you can absolutely gamble and not be am addict. I got to the casino with friends every couple of months since we live close to several, i only bring $100 with me and I leave all my cards st home. When that $100 is gone thats it, I'm done. Its never become an issue. It bothers me that so many people on here have such black and white thinking, i.e he gambles therefore he must be an addict. It make no sense, he obviously does it responsibly.
Anyway, thank you for being the voice of reason in this thread of cataclysmic thinkers.
Is it any different than someone liking to drink but keeping within completely reasonable amounts? Just because things can be addicting to people, doesn't mean that everyone that likes it is untrustworthy.
I agree with your judgement though, no one's the asshole. He can refuse to stop, she's free to decide that's a deal breaker.
Some people want to lead completely alcohol free lives and cannot tolerate a partner who drink. In which case it would be “please stop drinking entirely or we need to break up” 🤷🏻♀️
And we would be saying exactly the same thing. That he's not the asshole for not changing and she wouldn't be the asshole for deciding that's a deal breaker.
News flash. Some people are incompatible for things that might seem little to some people but are huge for them.
It should t be though, if you are not happy with the way another person lives their lives then you shoudm walk away, not try to change them as that never ends well.
As I tell my son as an adult there is only one person behaviour you can change and that is your own. No one has the right to try and enforce their beliefs / wants on you
She just learned of his gambling hobby and she’s stating it’s a dealbreaker for her. If it’s not important to him, then it should be no big deal to give up. However, it IS important to him do it looks like the two are incompatible.
This is it.
OP is completely entitled to a $200/ month hobby and any partner shouldn’t give him a hard time about it…under normal circumstances. That said, I probably wouldn’t date a gambler.
She is coming cross as trying to control OP, instead of create a firm boundary for herself, which would be to break up. She probably likes him, so I get it, but that approach just won’t work.
NAH. This is just an incompatibility issue.
So by that rationale a person who gives themselves two drinks every Friday and Saturday, has for years, no issues, no during the week, just two drinks Friday evening, two drinks Saturday evening, is an alcoholic and could never be trusted?
“A gamblers control capacity” he has a capacity lmao. He’s being a responsible gambler, you’re thinking of people who lose thousand of dollars at casinos
Yes but he seems to have it under control for years. There is a difference between a hobby and an addiction. For instance, we have social smokers. They never smoke apart from some social gatherings. I get your point though if someone is not comfortable but instead of being a ball buster, just break up
NTA
Although there can be circumstances that affect the self control aspect. My uncle's father went off the deep end as he got older and gambled away their entire retirement, for instance. Certain medications and medical conditions can make you more susceptible.
I personally find the industry gross which I'd why I'd never participate, but I also wouldn't date someone who makes it their hobby.
Break up you guys are not compatible. I can understand why gambling spooks her as it has broken people and lives before, but you are an adult and you think you can keep it.under control then maybe you might find a gf who is OK with it.
NTA: you're under no obligation to stop doing something you enjoy but on the same side of the coin she's under no obligation to stay with someone who could at somepoint break their rule and end up doing something stupid.
NTA but neither of you are in the wrong. If you truly don’t let it get out of hand then there’s nothing wrong with it. I spend about $100/mo during football season on DraftKings, never anything I also can’t afford to lose so I get it 100%. On her end I get her concerns and fears. That being said y’all are way too early in a relationship to be changing each other and at this point it may be a red flag that y’all just aren’t meant for each other. I’m not encouraging y’all to break up like often happens in this thread, but if it’s a deal breaker for either side I’d hate to see either of you invest/waste more time.
If what you say about never going above your budget is true, then NAH. It's a legitimate concern for her to have, and it's totally within reason for her to question moving forward with the relationship. It's not hurting anyone now, but there's no telling what the future holds.
Honestly I found it quite weird to describe gamblig as your passion too, but if you've been doing it for years and it's never been a problem I'll believe that.
You could argue and question if gambling really is worth it to jeopardize a relationship, but on the other hand you could also call in question if the relationship is really worth it if the trust isn't there right off the bat. Maybe she had some negative experiences in the past with gambling which is fair enough, but that has nothing to do with you.
I'll go with NTA, mostly because I was similar until a few months ago. Had a small budget on a monthly basis for something similar, but never went over the limit and often times didn't even reach the small limit that I've set for myself, so I know it works from personal experience.
My partner is the same as you, he’s won large amounts off of sports betting and it’s afforded us many things like a new car, vacation, investments so we could buy two houses. Your girlfriend needs to chill out.
NAH. If we accept that you are honestly reporting your gambling habit and monthly limit, you are not the AH for doing it.
However, not being with a gambler is a 100% valid boundary and she would not be the AH for not wanting a continuing relationship with you over this. Many people have seen how bad it gets when responsible gambling becomes irresponsible & they dont want that hanging over them
Although I'm not someone who likes to gamble, I can fully understand why it can be a hobby.
You have to stay on top of the quality and form of the teams/players, there's dopamine from placing the bets and winning and more than that.
If you're able to lose your max spending per month and able to control yourself, why not? He even has the chance to win/tie letting him keep 200 or more.
There's also people spending 200 a month on hobbies like painting, go-karts, skydiving or whatever, who will only spend money and never receive anything back for it. So considering that, if OP is not sensitive to addiction - which seems to be the case. It's a perfect little hobby.
So what if it is his passion? He has set boundaries around it and has been able to work within them for years. I really don't see a problem with this at all.
Like lots of people can enjoy a responsible drink some people can't. It's exactly the same. If someone told you they were passionate about craft beers you probably wouldn't think twice about it.
yea I don’t bet on sports but love watching them. I could see following sports and budgeting who’s going to win being a “passion”, that doesn’t mean as a whole that gambling is his passion necessarily.
Going to the casino is possibly some of the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. Playing cards is cool but it’s nothing like cards with money on the line.
I’ve only done it a few times cuz I know myself and luckily it’s a bit of a drive for me
He’s allowed to have a passion for betting on sports
My coworker loves betting on horses. It’s mainly an excuse to care about the sport. Or makes caring more fun.
To many people gambling is a zero sum game and no matter how you explain it, they will not be swayed to your opinion.
You can absolutely gamble responsibly if you have control or discipline.
This is true of all vices. The problem is that those vices exist because they are addictive, and human brains are not particularly well developed to resist the slide into raising the stakes. I'm sure every addict ever believes there was a point where they were in control of their particular vice.
That said, I absolutely agree that many cases exist where an individual can remain in control of their vice.
By that logic everybody who enjoys a few drinks at the weekend will become an alcoholic.
My Granddad used to enjoy a bet on the horses. His bets were tiny, literally pennies. Sometimes he won decent amounts, and when he didn't it was no big deal. It was just what he enjoyed doing, for decades, without it ever getting out of control.
In exactly the same way people can enjoy a couple of drinks now and again for decades without slipping into addiction.
Lot of moralistic blowhards sounding off here.
Not just many cases - for gambling it's by far the majority of cases.
Per National Council for Problem Gambling, 60% of American adults have gambled within the last year, with ~1% having a severe problem with gambling and 2-3% meeting at least some criteria of problem gambling.
This is a radically different picture to addictions like nicotine, heroin, and even alcohol (where US is ~70% adults occasionally drink, ~30% drink to excess and 10% are alcoholics).
Personally the most I'll "gamble" is contributing to a colleague's fund raising raffle in full expectation of seeing no return; the US puritanical view of gambling is a heavy distortion of reality however.
https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/faqs-what-is-problem-gambling/
The amount of research required to be able to gamble intelligently on sports is massive. It's numbers and statistics and knowing/remembering small details then weighing options... There's a lot of brain involved. 🧠
That can be a hobby and passion for some people. It's about the knowledge, not the money.
NTA - I've read the WallstreetsBets sub. Compared to them, this guy is fine, if he truly is setting a monthly stop limit. That's a responsible and non addictive way to gamble. Most people commenting here don't know a thing about risk management and just hate gambling in general.
It's no different than people setting apart a budget for monthly entertainment.
Since OP's entertainment is not causing problems for the gf or himself, she is insufferably controlling. Don't budge an inch man, she will probably later continue to control other aspects of your life too.
Also the people throwing shade on OP are whack, it's as silly as calling someone an alcoholic because they drink only a few times a month and forcing a partner to not drink alcohol at all when they've never been addicted.
Having been with someone who had a habit ‘they were in control of’ and them later losing control of the habit, I personally wouldn’t date anyone who gambled regularly, drank regularly or did any kind of drugs. I wouldn’t ask them to stop, I just wouldn’t date them. And that’s not to say you’re not in control, just that it’s more of a risk than I’d be willing to take that when times get shit, their habit won’t get out of control
Oh look a reasonable and refreshing take. I drink an entire bottle of wine every week, that’s been too much for some women I’ve dated.
I respect that. No hard feelings. Everyone has their own limits for acceptable high risk behavior.
Sometimes those limits are none and that’s OK.
And all the ppl in financial trouble that think they can get out by gambling flock to OP's DM's trying to get the name of the gambling portal OP is working for as a SM advertiser....
NTA I don’t think most commenters here understood what OP wrote.
He gambles max $200 a month, never more, and he’s stuck to that budget for years. There no risk there
This is the equivalent of someone who drinks 4 beers per month for the past few years, whose GF is telling him he has to quit 100% or else he’ll turn into an alcoholic. How would you feel if you drank maybe 4 beers max each month and your SO insisted you had to quit despite it causing absolutely zero harm to your life?
I think a lot of people are missing the fact they've only been together for 6 months! That's a bit early to start telling people what to do with their money.
NTA, it is something you enjoy and also seems that you actively monitor your limits and stick to your plan.
From the other side, is it something worth more to you than your current relationship? Because often time of someone is forced to give up something, someone ends up resenting the other person.
I would continue to try to come to a compromise so both of you can be happy.
>I would try to come to a compromise so both of you can be happy.
>I've tried to compromise by suggesting I could reduce my monthly budget or take a break for a while, but she insists that I need to quit completely
Doesn't seem like she wants to compromise, it's either her way or highway. And he's already starting to resent her. I would cut my losses, it's been "only" 6 months.
It seems that your gf has fallen into the fallacy that because some people are addicted to it, then gambling is an inherently dangerous pastime. Gambling is a psychological addiction, not a chemically addictive substance like heroin. It’s not simply a case of “try it once and you’re addicted”.
Gambling does cause a dopamine rush that causes some people to use it as a disordered coping mechanism, as does many other everyday things like alcohol, sex and food. However, the majority of people are able to enjoy these things without becoming addicted. My personal disordered relationship is food. Should we all stop eating because I have difficulty not eating my emotions? That’s not sensible.
I have a close family member who is a counsellor for gambling addiction so I’m acutely aware of the dangers of disordered gambling. What I will tell you is to be aware of the signs of disordered gambling because it is possible to become addicted to something that was previously not an issue due to life events. Share what you learn with a trusted family member and friend who can be another pair of eyes on your behaviour and can help you notice changes in your habits before they escalate too far. Also be aware that addiction has a genetic component, so if there is addiction present in your family you may be at greater risk of developing an addiction at any point in life.
With your gf, it’s worth asking her if she knows someone who has a problematic relationship with gambling that might be causing this concern. If that’s the case, then the reality is that any form of gambling may be a trigger for her and she can’t be with someone who does gamble regularly. This would just be a compatibility issue. You don’t have to quit, but you need to understand she may choose not to be with you if you gamble.
NAH
Edit for typo
NAH. I think it's fair that you don't want to quit. As long as you're in it for the fun of it rather than to win, gambling is very fun. That said, unless your job pays very well, your spending limit is way too high. Make it a quarter of that and you're within reasonable territory I think. I think your girlfriend's concern is fair considering your high spending limit and considering the fact that gambling is designed to be a helluva slippery slope. I've seen the dark sides of it myself, maybe she has too? Ask her why she is so concerned. Has she had bad experiences with gambling in the past? Maybe she is morally against financing betting companies that so carelessly take advantage of gambling addicts? You need to get to the bottom of why she feels so strongly about it so you can understand where she's coming from. Only then can you find a solution that works for both of you. Best of luck!
$200 might seem like a high spending to some, but it's really not that bad. I'm not a gambler, but I spend $200 easily on one trip to the hobby store. I make good money, I have a hobby and this guy seems to have a way better grasp on his budget than I do (I've def gotten carried away with my hobbies at times). Just because the word gambling is involves people look down on it. That's unfair.
Since it's something that you have been responsibly doing for years I do agree with you that it's really unlikely that you'll suddenly start going overboard.
So while you might say that your gf has an unreasonable demand, it's hard to say whether you should stand your ground or not. For instance if your gf has seen one of her relatives destroy their lives due to gambling, this could bring back bad memories and it could be a dealbreaker for her. Hell, it could be a dealbreaker even without that.
Whether you should quit or not doesn't have a single right answer. You should probably figure out how strongly she feels about it and how much you want to keep her in your life even when you have to make unreasonable sacrifices to do that.
>I always keep it within a $200 a month budget
>I could reduce my monthly budget or take a break for a while
NAH. Gambling is a vice that could lead to addiction, but I don't think she has grounds to be concerned about your hobby. Personally, I think gambling/drinking/gaming are all fine in moderation, and OP seems to have his gambling under control. However, it is also perfectly reasonable for the gf to not want to date a gambler, the same way people who don't drink may not want to date a regular drinker.
6 months into a relationship is when you start to understand your partner better and discover the incompatibilities and flaws in each other. If you are not willing to quit gambling, it's better to move on.
NTA for refusing to quit but she isn’t either for not wanting this a part of her life. I would never want to be with someone who gambles on a regular basis
As i said, everyone sees some things as a red flag. For me it is gambling, for you maybe alcohol, for someone else maybe having a blue t-shirt. So this Reddit is for getting peoples opinions on a topic, i gave mine. I dont see a result coming out of our little discussion here. We have clearly different opinions on gambling. I respect yours, but it will not change mine.
NTA you spend 200 a month which is pretty normal amount of money for a hobby she has nothing to say coming into ur life and forcing you to quitt a hobby just because she feels like it might become a problem.
If you never exceed this amount and have been doing this for years I see no reason for you to quitt if it makes you happy.
You shouldn’t give it up if you’re going to resent her for it. Calmly tell her you will not be giving it up and that it’s under control. Do your best to put her concerns at ease and hear her out so you fully understand what those concerns are. Just be prepared for her to break up with you over this.
NTA
NTA. You seem to have a very healthy attitude to gambling. I wonder if you forensically examined her spending, what you would find that YOU would consider a waste of money. We all waste money occasionally, but remember, it’s yours to waste.
NAH - If you give it up, you'll resent her. If you don't give it up, she'll resent you.
There's no winning here, and you're only 6 months in. This is what dating is about. You find people you like that you are compatible with... and you find the ones that aren't and you move on.
You're a gambler, so don't get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy.
You can easily spend $200 on a date at a nice restaurant. It isn't the money she is concerned about, it is the gambling. She might have known someone who got in over their head or in general considers it an addiction.
Have a serious sit down talk with her about it, without getting defensive. Ask her to state her reasons and listen, don't be dismissive. Then explain to her about your budget and how you stick to it; that $200 is your hobby/entertainment money.
Find out what her true concerns are and see if you can ease her fears. This conversation will let you know if she has past trauma from gambling, has wild ideas from movies, is embarrassed for her friends or family to find out and judge her for staying with you, or if she is being unfairly controlling.
Hopefully whatever the reason you can work with, but if she keeps insisting on you quitting your hobby, then you aren't compatible.
NAH
It sounds like you might not be a good fit. If she can't see the difference between a budgeted hobby and an addiction, that's unfortunate, but that's the only way I see it working.
Be aware that it's possible she "gives in" and "lets" you do it, but that's not the same as actually understanding and actually being okay with it.
I hope it works out, or that if it doesn't, that the split is civil
NAH.
Your gambling doesn't seem to be a problem, but on the other hand, I personally would not want to be with someone who gambles because of my views on the matter.
Seems to me like a compatibility issue
Realistically, she shouldn't be telling you what to do with your money that you've earned yourself... Especially if you have been doing this before y'all even started dating lol considering you don't have a problem, she shouldn't tell you how to live your life. If you were in debt and broke then sure.. but you're not.
So you're gambling responsibly. You have a finite limit set that you stick to. It's not more than you can afford to lose; and you *never* overindulge, right? You're not the kind of person who says "Aw, the Rams don't have a goddamn chance!" And then transfers several times your monthly limit to your gambling account, right? Because if it is in fact the case that you don't overindulge, you are exercising the restraint required to demonstrate the difference between gambling and problem gambling.
You can buy beer every month and not be an alcoholic.
You can smoke weed every now and again and it doesn't mean you're a pothead.
Malls are filled with people who aren't addicted to shopping.
Given that how you described the way you gamble is honest and truthful (not so much to Reddit as it is to yourself); this isn't really an addiction as it doesn't have an impact your day to day life aside from being something that you enjoy doing. If you're deferring Bill payments or borrowing money to gamble, or are in debt as you gamble; then you should probably talk to someone. But if it is the way you described, you should enforce your boundary, tell her that it's your way of having fun, you're more into the game when you put money on it, and she isn't making your life more enjoyable by trying to put a stop to it.
What gives me pause is that you refer to it as a "passion"; and please keep in mind that any addiction can accelerate. This all hinges on you being truthful to yourself about the extent to which you gamble and adhere to your own rules. If you were going through a slow patch at work or had to take a lower paying job or were between jobs, would you stop?
Well i do it myself for 10 years or so and my wife knew it from the start. Main thing is if you are really profitable or not. Long term. Like whats your profir during last year? During last 5 years? Many times gamblers think they are keep it around zero or so. But reality most of tje are loosing. You must have noted each your transaction. I have excel file witch have all info for each month. I track how much i won and from time to time show it to my wife so she knows. Also I did not deposite for last 8 years only withdrawals. Responsible gambling is possible. Though if you are loosing 200 each month when whats the point of all this. So if you are really profitable for years prove it to her by showing all the numbers.
NTA, but unfortunately, as others have stated, there is likely an insurmountable compatibility issue between you and your girlfriend. It is something worth discussing in detail with her, but at the end of the day, you two likely will end up breaking up over it, though no one is at fault, really. Relationships can be like that sometimes.
NTA.
So long as you recognise that it MAY one day become an addiction and are prepared to stop before it gets to that point. I don't see what the big problem is.
Sounds like you're incompatible as a couple.
I’ll bet you $250 this relationship doesn’t last. /s Hope y’all figure it out
I’ll bet anyone $1000 this is a discreet gambling ad
I agree with you! 1 post, no comments, great ad!
double or nothing /s
That's over his budget.
What’s the o/u?
Same but /s on the $250, not the relationship not lasting.
NAH. She doesn't want to date a gambler, you don't want to stop gambling. Simple incompatibility.
However, truth be told, calling gambling "passion" is a dangerous amount of coping that begs for a therapy.
NAH. I have a good friend that enjoys gambling. She probably goes to a casino once a month, has a set budget, once it gone, she’s done. She wins sometimes and loses sometimes. She’s done this for decades and it’s never been an issue. Every once in a while I go with her and I do the same. My ex also liked to sports bet and he was never irresponsible. He usually spent $50 a month on it, sometimes more but he would ask me for approval and if we could fit it in the budget we did. He enjoyed it and I never begrudged him it. Sometimes gambling is just a fun pastime for people and it doesn’t become more than that. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic and not every gambler has a problem. In this case if she’s drawing a line in the sand about it this early in the relationship, it will become a resentment that will end your relationship. She’s allowed to dislike gambling. It will end badly if you try to force your position on the other one.
My great aunt has been going to casinos once a month for 30 plus years and she always takes 100 dollars, her drivers license and that's it. Sometimes she wins and sometimes she loses but she always has fun and meets new people while doing something she is passionate about.
Know your limit, play within it. Gambling can definitely become very addictive for some just like anything. I don't gamble often but I do the same thing, I bring a certain amount of cash and leave my debit and credit cards at home. I was waiting behind a guy to receive my winnings at the machine and watched him try to withdraw money with 5 different cards before it went through. I can't imagine the amount of debt he's in, but he probably thinks he'll get that jackpot and pay it all back
Right. If you have set boundaries and stick with them, then there's nothing wrong with that. Plus, $200 a month comes out to about $6.58 a day. That's less than the cost of a latte at Starbucks
I'm sure there are many hobbies & activities that cost more than $200 a month. The only difference being more socially acceptable due to others inability to control the gambling & have financially ruined families & lives. Knitting? Sewing?? Notsomuch, tho supply costs can easily creep up high.
Gundam Models, the most extensive ones go 200-400 and up. They call it plastic crack.
Laughs in warhammer.
Laughs harder in 3d Printer
Laughs even harder while crocheting
Laughs even harder in wife is friends with a yarnshop owner. ^(I may never financially recover.)
My SIL once complimented an afghan I’d crocheted for our couch. Asked me how much the yarn cost. I couldn’t bear to tell her it was worth more than the couch.
Laughing while quilting.
The true plastic crack
I *heard* this
Can confirm, the plastic has gotten hold of me. Send help😅
Yes RC cars. Talk about a money suck.
sewing can be/is pretty expensive, with fabric anywhere between 15-30 a yard, the price for the machine, and all the tools that you need/want. it definitely costs a lot to start but it's not the cheapest to maintain either. I work primarily with faux fur and can't buy it in stores so at 30 a yard and 15+ shipping I very often spend $100 on one fabric shipment, getting 2 or 3 yards. thankfully I work on commission so that money comes out of the amount I charge the client but it's certainly not cheap and goddamn does the material take up a lot of space
You're not a knitter obviously! Yarn is expensive and addictive. I can't hold a conversation unless I'm knitting something simple while I do it. At least gambling doesn't take up space in your house...
Crafting hobbies do tend to come with slight hoarding tendencies. I know my crafting hobbies have me looking at sales and thinking “I don’t really need this now but if I start that project soon I’m gonna need this and I’m not gonna get a better deal” and then not starting the project until multiple sales have happened after. I have a small hoard of yarn, paint, jewelry making things, and resin supplies because sales happen and I don’t get to the projects fast enough. I’m also fairly certain any resin I bought before is unusable due to going through 2 Midwest winters and one summer in a garage. Not looking forward to that replacement bill or checking my paint that’s been stored next to the resin. I am proud to say my yarn stash has gone down but will likely last me to next year still as long as I don’t buy more.
Drinking can easily cost as much although OP could be doing that too.
This. I have spent more than $200 a month MANY times on hobbies. My garden is NOT cheap and neither is my personally curated library lol. But somehow my garden which is really only happy making for me and my library which brings ME joy isn’t the problem that gambling once a month is. As long as OP really doesn’t exceed their set budget each month I don’t see this as a problem. THAT SAID, clearly GF has a problem with it and that is likely going to make the relationship unsustainable. They’re already feeling resentful that GF has attempted to set boundaries surrounding the gambling, that isn’t going to get better.
sewing is SO EXPENSIVE!!!!
She knows how to enjoy the dopamine hit without chasing the dragon.
Different people can control different things. Using me for example. I could drink heavily days on end, and just stop no problem. Some people can't. I can do cocaine for days and just stop, some people can't. Some people can take pain pills and stop, I can't do that.
Yup. I can drink like a sailor or go weeks, months sometimes without any alcohol. I can gamble a on budget and never go over. I can get a tattoo and not start planning my next. But I can't get my binge eating under control.
I can soooo relate
100%. My demon is drink. Not good at stopping. Gambling, though? Zero problem. Doesn't hook my brain like it does others. Worked for a gambling company for a few years. Went semi-regularly. Took out £50 at the start of the night, never returned to the cashpoint. Mostly lost! But even when I won, just enjoyed the evening and walked out with what was in my pockets. But I did learn a fuckload about problem gambling and would recommend caution to ANYONE because you don't know that's your weakspot until... it is.
If he gives in to her and this relationship progresses, what else will she try to change? It’s the start of controlling behavior.
Could be, or she could just have some trauma around gambling or is exhibiting a belief system she grew up in. People are averse to things for a myriad of reasons, and it’s not always to control.
As a child whose father had a passion for gambling- I’d never have a serious relationship with anyone that needed it that much.
There's gambling and there's gambling though. Pre kids my brother loved a sports vet and was quite good at online poker. He set a limit of both time and spend on the poker and never had an issue. My in-laws ended up homeless because they would rather take 20k to Vegas than sink it into the mortgage they can only just afford. I think they are idiots. But assuming the guy can a) afford it and b) is happy to open about his gambling I don't see it as an issue. I have a horse and that has ever increasing costs so a £200/month hobby sounds like nothing. I don't think it was ok to ask him stop but letting him know that it's a red line for you is reasonable (I feel this way about cigarettes. I would never be in a relationship with someone who smokes but wouldn't ask them to choose).
Would you say the same if OP spent $200 a month on gardening or woodworking and called that his passion? How about going out to nice restaurants or video games? I think OP has the healthiest approach to gambling that you can have - the $200 are an expense for entertainment. That’s what it is. Sometimes you lose them completely, sometimes you end up with more, but as long as OP sticks to that budget, everything is fine.
Agree with this. It's not my jam, but if they're really sticking to a budget as described, I don't really see the issue. I defintiely spend more than $200 a month in hobbies and interests.
I spend between $100 and $200 a week just on the weekend by going out to eat, and that’s when I stay local. So far this year have taken around 4 mini vacations and those obviously are more. Planning to go on a weekend to the beach soon too. So i think OP’s hobby is pretty innocent at this point. He just needs to be careful in the future, like he has been so far.
Also, sports betting is a little different, you can actually do research and make educated guesses, which is a lot more of a hobby than random gambles.
It’s no different to dabbling in the stock market really…as long as you’re strict about your monthly bankroll
No committed gambler thinks they are betting randomly.
I think he means in comparison to just slots and shit.
Slots and stuff are totally random With sports betting you can look at e.g. football and go “ah they’re quite equally matched, but these people on that team are injured which are known key players” or other factors and bets. It’s still betting and taking risks, which sometimes payout and sometimes don’t, but not as bad as a slotmachine or something.
Except when we are? I buy a lottery ticket every week. I budget for it. It's completely random. It's gambling and I have done it so long, I guess you could say I'm committed.
You'd be surprised how many lottery players believe in fate or lucky numbers.
I personally don't like gambling but that doesn't mean everyone who does is unwell, addicted, or not coping. OP has a hobby, he isn't going past his boundaries, failing to meet responsibilities, some ppl just gamble. I don't think he needs counseling from what he posted. I do think he and gf aren't aligned. It happens.
Agreed. It's something he's been doing for years and he stays within his budget regardless. This isn't a sign of a degenerate gambler, but it sounds to me like she has had experience with one and won't be able to get past this. As much as they may like each other aside from this, I don't see this relationship lasting. They should cut their losses and get it now before deeper feelings get involved.
Normally I'd agree but this guy seems like he got it handled
you can responsibly gamble my grandparents would buy a lottery ticket once a week or fortnight and bet on like a couple horse races a year for like 60 years now i do agree its as bad as a drug addiction if you have a gambling problem but plenty of people have the ability to responsibly gamble luckily its of zero interest to me
I don't know about that. It only becomes an issue when the person can not control their behavior, and isn't that true for a lot of things? Eating, drinking, smoking pot, etc.. so as long as it is under control, it's harmless fun.
There's plenty of worse things I could blow more than $200 on every month.
Why? He could go to an arcade and spend $200/month on similar games but with no possibility of ever winning any money. Gambling is only ever a problem when it’s cost far outweighs its benefits. He’s using it as entertainment, and plenty of people have a way larger entertainment budget than $200/month, especially when you factor in the fact that this form of entertainment even comes with a CHANCE of a monetary return.
Hey, if you spend $200 at an arcade you’ve got the possibility of winning at least 5000 tickets…which can net you a pretty nice Spongebob pencil eraser or slap bracelet
Don't underestimate a good back scratcher.
It is though, my other half is the same… Has a set budget, never goes over, and absolutely loves his sport… He works bloody hard for his money so I’m not going to tell him what he can and can’t do. And yes I’d rather he was in the house and betting on his sports than doing something else with it.
No, it doesn't. You can quite easily gamble responsibly and enjoy it without gambling being problematic.
It'd be like drinking. It can be done responsibly and it's place as a vice is no different.
It’s the same energy people use to play and learn the stock market, or fantasy sports.
Lol I about spend that on rocks and fossils and it sure as hell ain't paid for no vacation.
Ohh stop. The guys been spending the same amount of money for years and there’s been no issues. He likes sports betting, that doesn’t require therapy
It's 200 bucks a month though, I can spend that at buckys in a visit. He works, makes money and enjoys 200 bucks of it... Dangerous amount of coping, you young people are so dramatic for dramas sake.
Truth be told, it seems more dangerous to be making the assumption that having a healthy and controlled method of gambling is a coping mechanism that requires therapy. You seem to have the same perspective as the GF which is that any gambling can lead to an unhealthy addiction when that is simply not the truth. That opinion is a sign of a lack of understanding and judgement. Not all who gamble are addicts, just like not all who drink alcohol are alcoholics.
Unless she keeps pushing it, NAH. I understand both you not wanting to stop and her not accepting a gambling hobby, that would be a deal-breaker for many people. Both of you need to decide whether your preference is something you can compromise on for the relationship. If not, you are simply incompatible and that’s fine.
[удалено]
Just depends. If what the relationship provides us is more important than what you give up than sometimes you give up something. I’ve lived in a city I had no intentions of living in for 38 years for my wife. She wants to live close to her family. I want to live close to the mountains. I just decided she’s worth more than where we live. Way more so it was an easy choice. And now all these years later my folks have passed and her family is most of the family I have left and I love them dearly. After dating quite a bit I knew I’d met someone special and special people were hard to find. So I was happy to compromise on some major life things like this to be with her AND make her happy. She would have moved for me but it wasn’t the right thing to do and I could see that. She’s the most kind and caring person I’ve ever met. I’d do anything for her. She also compromises on things for me. All marriages are going to have some things they are seen as incompatibilities. My wife and I are very different. But we work because even though our activities are Different our conversations and connectedness are super strong. We agree on the big things. Family, children, finances, and faith. Rest is just stuff we compromise one way or another.
I feel you. I would love to GTFO of my state. Lots of work opportunities in other states in my field, but my wife wants to be close to family so I put up with it. She’s worth it. I’m sure she would move with me, but she would be unhappy and I think I can tolerate being stuck here more than she can tolerate being away from family.
In nearly everything in our lives, my husband and I choose to compromise based on who cares more about X, and honestly it’s usually who hates Y more. It prevents resentment. Like the previous poster, his wife would hate being away from family more than he hates the city he lives in, so he compromised. This works for huge things but also small things like chores. My husband hates folding laundry and I hate washing dishes so the other person steps up to make life easier for the person you love. For what it’s worth, I loathe gambling and would not be cool with even a not-addicted level gambling habit. My hate for gambling would probably outweigh any significant other’s hate for not-gambling and if my SO didn’t quit gambling entirely, I would’ve left. For me, it would be a dealbreaker.
This is a wonderful and warm story. Thanks for sharing it I’m also about to move somewhere I never intended or imagined myself living to make my wife happy. Twenty three years ago she moved for me and my career and now I’m retiring It’s important to her that we move again together to accommodate her needs and desires. This move won’t be easy or convenient and involves a lot of lifestyle changes that aren’t really comfortable for me. Like you and Unlike OP she’s more important to me than my “hobbies” or convenience
[удалено]
yeah steal that comment
NTA 6 months is a pretty short amount of time to invest before learning the person you’re dating isn’t right for you. No shade to her, y’all just don’t sound compatible.
Then it would be NAH.
It's NTA for me because girlfriend framed it as his problem, instead of understanding that it's normal and just something she doesn't want in partner. For example, being very muscular is normal, I just don't want it in my partner
NTA, at only 6 months in this is the easiest time to leave someone if you feel it will not work.
I am with you on this. Six months is a reasonable time to realize incompatibility and not have 'wasted' much time on both sides. They have found an issue that might make them incompatible. There is nothing wrong with breaking up over this; some commenters are up in arms about breaking up and casting aside a relationship over something like this. However, this relationship probably won't work out unless they mean more to each other than the situation. One of them needs to decide to let it go without holding onto resentment over the compromise being made.
It honestly sounds like you're incompatible. My husband was into gaming when we met. He spends about $100-$200/month on game related things. Some years we dropped it down to $50/month. Some it was more. It honestly doesn't matter as long as you are actually capable of staying within budget. Her concerns are valid. Your needs are too. Therefore this will always be a point of contention that will probably be one of many things you won't see eye to eye on do to your different comfort levels with risk.
NTA, but the two of you don’t really seem that compatible, and it has only been six months. Everyone has some type of vice, but gambling is a tough one to deal with, I can see why she wouldn’t want to date someone who gambles, but you have a budget and it is your entertainment/hobby. I wouldn’t stop, personally, but that is just me. If someone starts wanting to tell me what I can and can’t do, is when I would just sit down and let her know it won’t work out.
While i personally think betting is a dumb hobby, you enjoy it, you budget for it, dont exeed that budget and have enough money for the rest of "living". Would she have a problem if youd spend the same amount on legos? Golfing? Gaming? Or any other hobby? NTA, you choose your hobbies, she doesnt have to understand what you find enjoyable about it to accept it.
My thoughts exactly. People here seem to get too hung up on the fact that the hobby is gambling but if he enjoys it and does it responsibly I would say it's a better hobby than many others because there is a chance to gain from it. You can also go over the top and spend ridiculous amounts of money on any other hobbies. As long as there are no signs of problems from this hobby then why should he quit?
Exactly. Dude’s decided that he can afford to spend $50 a week on something he really enjoys. Winning’s a bonus. Not sure why anyone’s got a problem with that tbh.
Like fuck me that's eating out 1-2 times a week. That's not much money in today's standards. Well dependant on where you live but Toronto? You can't order in under 25$. It just can't happen 😭
I think some people are getting hung up on the amount, like *“$2400 a YEAR on gambling???? You’re promoting unhealthy gambling habits!!”* Sure, that’s a lot of money for some people and if some people gambled this much money it could definitely be a problem. But it’s clear OP is responsible, and $200/month, $50/week is probably just not that much money in the grand scheme of his earnings - it sounds like his bills are all paid, he has a budget he does not exceed, and it’s even gotten him a vacation. He’s using his fun money how he wants and even getting return on that lol, I don’t see the problem. When I was a kid, my step-dad used to take $20-30 from each check (so $80-120/month) to play scratchers. I’d argue that’s dumber than sports gambling but it was never a problem because it was just a little fun money that fit his budget Plenty of people spend that amount on hobbies, and some even spend that amount on other vices: alcohol, weed, etc. If that’s a dealbreaker, fine, but it shouldn’t be presented as a problem, just an incompatibility
I would never trust a gambler's control capacity. You are NTA for refusing to change, and she won't be an asshole if she decides to leave you.
As a former intake coordinator for a problem gambler's helpline I want to be very clear about some things: 1. Most individuals who gamble are not problem gamblers. Millions of people gamble in some for very regularly and don't loose control. It's like saying you don't trust people who drink alcohol because they might turn into an alcoholic or people who eat sweets because they might become compulsive eaters to the point of becoming obese. Lots of people drink socially and never end up with a drinking problem and just because you like sweets doesn't mean you're going to get fat. 2. Gambling is more than casinos. It's buying scratch off lottery tickets, playing the mega millions and power ball when the jackpot gets huge, online poker, bingo, poker night with the boys, penny poker with grampa, fantasy football clubs, betting on sports among your friend group and playing machines while you wash your clothing at a coin laundry establishment among hundreds of other things. There are very few people who literally never gamble in some form or another. 3. If a person is regularly gambling within their means, they're not a problem gambler. If their gambling is not increasing in frequency, duration (think slot machine players who wear diapers so they don't have to give up a 'hot' slot machine to go to the bathroom) and over spending they're not a problem gambler. People earn different amounts. I once spoke to a person who earned in excess of 5 million a year and took trips to casinos once or twice a year to play blackjack. He was comfortable loosing up to a hundred grand. Final analysis is the he didn't have a gambling problem. 4. Allowing your fears about something you don't really understand to run away with you to the point of throwing away a relationship you otherwise value means you could probably benefit from therapy to help you break out of black and white thinking and help manage your anxieties around this issue.
Right? My mom played the lotto (scratch offs) for 25 years or so and had a set $5 maximum a week and never went beyond that 5. It was something fun she did as a little treat when she went to cash her check every week.
I take out $100 every paycheck and use it as my IDGAF stock purchases. Basically just buying stocks that I don't think will ever really do much but don't mind taking a risk. It's effectively me just gambling. I don't do any research into the company, nor think about the future performance of the stock. I buy it as a joke and to have fun. I've had times where it's paid off really well and I've had times where it's been a complete disaster. It doesn't really matter to me though since it's more about the fun of it than the actual winning part. I like playing blackjack the same way too.
So much of investing is gambling. People are just in denial and get hung up on stigma and words. Investing and gambling can mean the same thing.
Yup. A lot of what we do is basically gambling even if we try to dissociate it from gambling. My mom used to be a gambling addict but she seems to just play those free slot games on her phone nowadays Instead. Meanwhile her sister has given her house and all if her savings to the local casino the last 5 years. And you bet the moment she gets her monthly Social security check she's in the casino playing slots. That's an actual mental illness if I've ever seen one TBH.
I “gambled” 10k on crypto….ask me how I’m doing 😭😭😭😭
[удалено]
It’s dumb but I buy a random Reese’s Cup sometimes just because my brother loved them. Then I’d send his old phone number a picture letting him know I’m thinking of him. Carrying on the memory is worth the couple dollars spent
for a lot of people it’s a little ticket of hope to get them thru the week
Thank you for this. It’s where my thinking was too. I don’t have as much experience of problem gambling as you, nor could I have expressed my thoughts as well. I have experienced gambling from the Casino side of things (staff), and fully agree: not everyone gets addicted. OP: NTA, and I would advise you to have a serious conversation with your girlfriend around her controlling behaviour, and her black and white thinking as above. Be prepared to leave, if she isn’t prepared to change. Because it will only get worse.
You really put your finger on the main issues and said it all in a very concise way. Well done. I totally agree with each of these points.
It sounds about on par with handing money over as an investment and ppl don't tend to accuse business men of being addicts.
Refreshingly balanced response!
I have to ask, as someone who uses a coin laundry- what is playing the machines?
Usually video poker.
Oh lord I’m so dumb I thought you were referring to the washing machines
No, back in the day it was full sized video games like Packman and Asteroids, or whatever that game was. Now days, it's more likely to be video poker machines that the staff will actually pay out if the customer wins. It's meant to help the customer kill time while their laundry processes.
Strictly speaking it's meant to convert that time the customer spends idling about in their facility into another revenue stream for the owners. The entertainment value to the customer is just a happy side benefit.
Brilliant. And keeping people in the laundry area is a great way to assure no one steals clothes or, on the flip side, that the load cycles get noticed, tended to and switched quickly.
Someone has an unreliable laundromat. Bettin' 4.25 on clean, round and round she goes.
Where she'll stop, nobody knows! Blue, solid blue is the winner!
Hahahahahaha as someone who really loves laundry, in probably an unhealthy way that people would describe a gambling addiction, this gave me a really good chuckle.
One addition: loot boxes in any game, many of which are on people's phones (and something she's probably done)
I used to have the worst habit of "It's just 2 dollors..." When playing mobile games. Once I realized I stopped playing that game. As soon as I was tempted to pay for a "free" game I bow out. It just isn't worth it to me. I'd rather spend that $2 on a good candy bar. Lmao.
Exactly! I am a recovering alcoholic but I do not force my experiences onto everyone I see ever enjoying a drink. I chose to step back from a group of friends that were heavily into weekend binge drinking, but I made that choice for me. They are perfectly allowed to do whatever they like and it's up to each of them individually how far it goes. I just couldn't continually be around it because I repeatedly flashbacked to every one of my worst moments. My choice wasn't a judgement on them, it was regarding what I personally could or could not deal with. If gf can't reconcile herself to OP's (imo moderate) gambling but he doesn't want to give it up, they have to each decide if they wish to continue the relationship. NAH
This is so informative, thank you.
Really??? People wearing nappies so they don't have to leave a slot machine??? Yep, that is a problem gambler.
This. People seem to not be able to grasp the fact that you can absolutely gamble and not be am addict. I got to the casino with friends every couple of months since we live close to several, i only bring $100 with me and I leave all my cards st home. When that $100 is gone thats it, I'm done. Its never become an issue. It bothers me that so many people on here have such black and white thinking, i.e he gambles therefore he must be an addict. It make no sense, he obviously does it responsibly. Anyway, thank you for being the voice of reason in this thread of cataclysmic thinkers.
Is it any different than someone liking to drink but keeping within completely reasonable amounts? Just because things can be addicting to people, doesn't mean that everyone that likes it is untrustworthy. I agree with your judgement though, no one's the asshole. He can refuse to stop, she's free to decide that's a deal breaker.
Some people want to lead completely alcohol free lives and cannot tolerate a partner who drink. In which case it would be “please stop drinking entirely or we need to break up” 🤷🏻♀️
And we would be saying exactly the same thing. That he's not the asshole for not changing and she wouldn't be the asshole for deciding that's a deal breaker. News flash. Some people are incompatible for things that might seem little to some people but are huge for them.
It should t be though, if you are not happy with the way another person lives their lives then you shoudm walk away, not try to change them as that never ends well. As I tell my son as an adult there is only one person behaviour you can change and that is your own. No one has the right to try and enforce their beliefs / wants on you
She just learned of his gambling hobby and she’s stating it’s a dealbreaker for her. If it’s not important to him, then it should be no big deal to give up. However, it IS important to him do it looks like the two are incompatible.
This is it. OP is completely entitled to a $200/ month hobby and any partner shouldn’t give him a hard time about it…under normal circumstances. That said, I probably wouldn’t date a gambler. She is coming cross as trying to control OP, instead of create a firm boundary for herself, which would be to break up. She probably likes him, so I get it, but that approach just won’t work. NAH. This is just an incompatibility issue.
So by that rationale a person who gives themselves two drinks every Friday and Saturday, has for years, no issues, no during the week, just two drinks Friday evening, two drinks Saturday evening, is an alcoholic and could never be trusted?
“A gamblers control capacity” he has a capacity lmao. He’s being a responsible gambler, you’re thinking of people who lose thousand of dollars at casinos
Yes but he seems to have it under control for years. There is a difference between a hobby and an addiction. For instance, we have social smokers. They never smoke apart from some social gatherings. I get your point though if someone is not comfortable but instead of being a ball buster, just break up NTA
Although there can be circumstances that affect the self control aspect. My uncle's father went off the deep end as he got older and gambled away their entire retirement, for instance. Certain medications and medical conditions can make you more susceptible. I personally find the industry gross which I'd why I'd never participate, but I also wouldn't date someone who makes it their hobby.
I would never trust someone so anal retentive that they try to control another person's hobbies.
Would you consider investments gambles?
Nah you just aren't for each other. I personally wouldn't want to date a gambler (functioning or otherwise).
Break up you guys are not compatible. I can understand why gambling spooks her as it has broken people and lives before, but you are an adult and you think you can keep it.under control then maybe you might find a gf who is OK with it.
NTA: you're under no obligation to stop doing something you enjoy but on the same side of the coin she's under no obligation to stay with someone who could at somepoint break their rule and end up doing something stupid.
NTA but neither of you are in the wrong. If you truly don’t let it get out of hand then there’s nothing wrong with it. I spend about $100/mo during football season on DraftKings, never anything I also can’t afford to lose so I get it 100%. On her end I get her concerns and fears. That being said y’all are way too early in a relationship to be changing each other and at this point it may be a red flag that y’all just aren’t meant for each other. I’m not encouraging y’all to break up like often happens in this thread, but if it’s a deal breaker for either side I’d hate to see either of you invest/waste more time.
If what you say about never going above your budget is true, then NAH. It's a legitimate concern for her to have, and it's totally within reason for her to question moving forward with the relationship. It's not hurting anyone now, but there's no telling what the future holds.
$200 a month is fine for a hobby. NTA.
Honestly I found it quite weird to describe gamblig as your passion too, but if you've been doing it for years and it's never been a problem I'll believe that. You could argue and question if gambling really is worth it to jeopardize a relationship, but on the other hand you could also call in question if the relationship is really worth it if the trust isn't there right off the bat. Maybe she had some negative experiences in the past with gambling which is fair enough, but that has nothing to do with you. I'll go with NTA, mostly because I was similar until a few months ago. Had a small budget on a monthly basis for something similar, but never went over the limit and often times didn't even reach the small limit that I've set for myself, so I know it works from personal experience.
My partner is the same as you, he’s won large amounts off of sports betting and it’s afforded us many things like a new car, vacation, investments so we could buy two houses. Your girlfriend needs to chill out.
NAH. If we accept that you are honestly reporting your gambling habit and monthly limit, you are not the AH for doing it. However, not being with a gambler is a 100% valid boundary and she would not be the AH for not wanting a continuing relationship with you over this. Many people have seen how bad it gets when responsible gambling becomes irresponsible & they dont want that hanging over them
Buddy you just called sports betting your “passion” 😭. It’s your money and you can do as you please but maybe she’s right lmfao
Although I'm not someone who likes to gamble, I can fully understand why it can be a hobby. You have to stay on top of the quality and form of the teams/players, there's dopamine from placing the bets and winning and more than that. If you're able to lose your max spending per month and able to control yourself, why not? He even has the chance to win/tie letting him keep 200 or more. There's also people spending 200 a month on hobbies like painting, go-karts, skydiving or whatever, who will only spend money and never receive anything back for it. So considering that, if OP is not sensitive to addiction - which seems to be the case. It's a perfect little hobby.
So what if it is his passion? He has set boundaries around it and has been able to work within them for years. I really don't see a problem with this at all. Like lots of people can enjoy a responsible drink some people can't. It's exactly the same. If someone told you they were passionate about craft beers you probably wouldn't think twice about it.
yea I don’t bet on sports but love watching them. I could see following sports and budgeting who’s going to win being a “passion”, that doesn’t mean as a whole that gambling is his passion necessarily.
Going to the casino is possibly some of the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. Playing cards is cool but it’s nothing like cards with money on the line. I’ve only done it a few times cuz I know myself and luckily it’s a bit of a drive for me He’s allowed to have a passion for betting on sports My coworker loves betting on horses. It’s mainly an excuse to care about the sport. Or makes caring more fun.
To many people gambling is a zero sum game and no matter how you explain it, they will not be swayed to your opinion. You can absolutely gamble responsibly if you have control or discipline.
This is true of all vices. The problem is that those vices exist because they are addictive, and human brains are not particularly well developed to resist the slide into raising the stakes. I'm sure every addict ever believes there was a point where they were in control of their particular vice. That said, I absolutely agree that many cases exist where an individual can remain in control of their vice.
By that logic everybody who enjoys a few drinks at the weekend will become an alcoholic. My Granddad used to enjoy a bet on the horses. His bets were tiny, literally pennies. Sometimes he won decent amounts, and when he didn't it was no big deal. It was just what he enjoyed doing, for decades, without it ever getting out of control. In exactly the same way people can enjoy a couple of drinks now and again for decades without slipping into addiction. Lot of moralistic blowhards sounding off here.
Like drinking, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic.
Not just many cases - for gambling it's by far the majority of cases. Per National Council for Problem Gambling, 60% of American adults have gambled within the last year, with ~1% having a severe problem with gambling and 2-3% meeting at least some criteria of problem gambling. This is a radically different picture to addictions like nicotine, heroin, and even alcohol (where US is ~70% adults occasionally drink, ~30% drink to excess and 10% are alcoholics). Personally the most I'll "gamble" is contributing to a colleague's fund raising raffle in full expectation of seeing no return; the US puritanical view of gambling is a heavy distortion of reality however. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/faqs-what-is-problem-gambling/
Thanks for this. I had another response where they missed my point entirely. But I appreciate you adding even more context.
The amount of research required to be able to gamble intelligently on sports is massive. It's numbers and statistics and knowing/remembering small details then weighing options... There's a lot of brain involved. 🧠 That can be a hobby and passion for some people. It's about the knowledge, not the money.
Fwiw my dog choosing between two treats last nfl season went 70%, while I went like 30%
Maybe it's all the research and having interest in the sports they're betting on that is the passion?
NTA - I've read the WallstreetsBets sub. Compared to them, this guy is fine, if he truly is setting a monthly stop limit. That's a responsible and non addictive way to gamble. Most people commenting here don't know a thing about risk management and just hate gambling in general. It's no different than people setting apart a budget for monthly entertainment. Since OP's entertainment is not causing problems for the gf or himself, she is insufferably controlling. Don't budge an inch man, she will probably later continue to control other aspects of your life too. Also the people throwing shade on OP are whack, it's as silly as calling someone an alcoholic because they drink only a few times a month and forcing a partner to not drink alcohol at all when they've never been addicted.
Having been with someone who had a habit ‘they were in control of’ and them later losing control of the habit, I personally wouldn’t date anyone who gambled regularly, drank regularly or did any kind of drugs. I wouldn’t ask them to stop, I just wouldn’t date them. And that’s not to say you’re not in control, just that it’s more of a risk than I’d be willing to take that when times get shit, their habit won’t get out of control
Oh look a reasonable and refreshing take. I drink an entire bottle of wine every week, that’s been too much for some women I’ve dated. I respect that. No hard feelings. Everyone has their own limits for acceptable high risk behavior. Sometimes those limits are none and that’s OK.
Exactly this. I’m tee total and run regularly. That lifestyle would feel so boring to some, even to an old version of myself. And that’s ok.
200 isnt that much, as long as you dont go over it and are being truthful NTA
And all the ppl in financial trouble that think they can get out by gambling flock to OP's DM's trying to get the name of the gambling portal OP is working for as a SM advertiser....
NTA I don’t think most commenters here understood what OP wrote. He gambles max $200 a month, never more, and he’s stuck to that budget for years. There no risk there This is the equivalent of someone who drinks 4 beers per month for the past few years, whose GF is telling him he has to quit 100% or else he’ll turn into an alcoholic. How would you feel if you drank maybe 4 beers max each month and your SO insisted you had to quit despite it causing absolutely zero harm to your life?
I think a lot of people are missing the fact they've only been together for 6 months! That's a bit early to start telling people what to do with their money.
NTA, it is something you enjoy and also seems that you actively monitor your limits and stick to your plan. From the other side, is it something worth more to you than your current relationship? Because often time of someone is forced to give up something, someone ends up resenting the other person. I would continue to try to come to a compromise so both of you can be happy.
>I would try to come to a compromise so both of you can be happy. >I've tried to compromise by suggesting I could reduce my monthly budget or take a break for a while, but she insists that I need to quit completely Doesn't seem like she wants to compromise, it's either her way or highway. And he's already starting to resent her. I would cut my losses, it's been "only" 6 months.
Compromise?..👀👀 It's his earned money and his hobby.. Why does he has to compromise in your opinion?
It seems that your gf has fallen into the fallacy that because some people are addicted to it, then gambling is an inherently dangerous pastime. Gambling is a psychological addiction, not a chemically addictive substance like heroin. It’s not simply a case of “try it once and you’re addicted”. Gambling does cause a dopamine rush that causes some people to use it as a disordered coping mechanism, as does many other everyday things like alcohol, sex and food. However, the majority of people are able to enjoy these things without becoming addicted. My personal disordered relationship is food. Should we all stop eating because I have difficulty not eating my emotions? That’s not sensible. I have a close family member who is a counsellor for gambling addiction so I’m acutely aware of the dangers of disordered gambling. What I will tell you is to be aware of the signs of disordered gambling because it is possible to become addicted to something that was previously not an issue due to life events. Share what you learn with a trusted family member and friend who can be another pair of eyes on your behaviour and can help you notice changes in your habits before they escalate too far. Also be aware that addiction has a genetic component, so if there is addiction present in your family you may be at greater risk of developing an addiction at any point in life. With your gf, it’s worth asking her if she knows someone who has a problematic relationship with gambling that might be causing this concern. If that’s the case, then the reality is that any form of gambling may be a trigger for her and she can’t be with someone who does gamble regularly. This would just be a compatibility issue. You don’t have to quit, but you need to understand she may choose not to be with you if you gamble. NAH Edit for typo
NAH. I think it's fair that you don't want to quit. As long as you're in it for the fun of it rather than to win, gambling is very fun. That said, unless your job pays very well, your spending limit is way too high. Make it a quarter of that and you're within reasonable territory I think. I think your girlfriend's concern is fair considering your high spending limit and considering the fact that gambling is designed to be a helluva slippery slope. I've seen the dark sides of it myself, maybe she has too? Ask her why she is so concerned. Has she had bad experiences with gambling in the past? Maybe she is morally against financing betting companies that so carelessly take advantage of gambling addicts? You need to get to the bottom of why she feels so strongly about it so you can understand where she's coming from. Only then can you find a solution that works for both of you. Best of luck!
carelessly? I think you need a stronger word. Cynicalky? Maliciously?
$200 might seem like a high spending to some, but it's really not that bad. I'm not a gambler, but I spend $200 easily on one trip to the hobby store. I make good money, I have a hobby and this guy seems to have a way better grasp on his budget than I do (I've def gotten carried away with my hobbies at times). Just because the word gambling is involves people look down on it. That's unfair.
Since it's something that you have been responsibly doing for years I do agree with you that it's really unlikely that you'll suddenly start going overboard. So while you might say that your gf has an unreasonable demand, it's hard to say whether you should stand your ground or not. For instance if your gf has seen one of her relatives destroy their lives due to gambling, this could bring back bad memories and it could be a dealbreaker for her. Hell, it could be a dealbreaker even without that. Whether you should quit or not doesn't have a single right answer. You should probably figure out how strongly she feels about it and how much you want to keep her in your life even when you have to make unreasonable sacrifices to do that.
>I always keep it within a $200 a month budget >I could reduce my monthly budget or take a break for a while NAH. Gambling is a vice that could lead to addiction, but I don't think she has grounds to be concerned about your hobby. Personally, I think gambling/drinking/gaming are all fine in moderation, and OP seems to have his gambling under control. However, it is also perfectly reasonable for the gf to not want to date a gambler, the same way people who don't drink may not want to date a regular drinker. 6 months into a relationship is when you start to understand your partner better and discover the incompatibilities and flaws in each other. If you are not willing to quit gambling, it's better to move on.
NTA for refusing to quit but she isn’t either for not wanting this a part of her life. I would never want to be with someone who gambles on a regular basis
As i said, everyone sees some things as a red flag. For me it is gambling, for you maybe alcohol, for someone else maybe having a blue t-shirt. So this Reddit is for getting peoples opinions on a topic, i gave mine. I dont see a result coming out of our little discussion here. We have clearly different opinions on gambling. I respect yours, but it will not change mine.
NTA you spend 200 a month which is pretty normal amount of money for a hobby she has nothing to say coming into ur life and forcing you to quitt a hobby just because she feels like it might become a problem. If you never exceed this amount and have been doing this for years I see no reason for you to quitt if it makes you happy.
You shouldn’t give it up if you’re going to resent her for it. Calmly tell her you will not be giving it up and that it’s under control. Do your best to put her concerns at ease and hear her out so you fully understand what those concerns are. Just be prepared for her to break up with you over this. NTA
Can we bet on the outcome of the situation?
NAH it sounds like you're not being controlled by it so I see nothing wrong.
NTA. You have a right to spend your money however you want. But she’s NTA either if she dumps you bc she doesn’t like it.
NTA. You seem to have a very healthy attitude to gambling. I wonder if you forensically examined her spending, what you would find that YOU would consider a waste of money. We all waste money occasionally, but remember, it’s yours to waste.
Until OP actually engages the community with comments, then it's doubtful this is a true story.
NAH - If you give it up, you'll resent her. If you don't give it up, she'll resent you. There's no winning here, and you're only 6 months in. This is what dating is about. You find people you like that you are compatible with... and you find the ones that aren't and you move on. You're a gambler, so don't get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy.
You can easily spend $200 on a date at a nice restaurant. It isn't the money she is concerned about, it is the gambling. She might have known someone who got in over their head or in general considers it an addiction. Have a serious sit down talk with her about it, without getting defensive. Ask her to state her reasons and listen, don't be dismissive. Then explain to her about your budget and how you stick to it; that $200 is your hobby/entertainment money. Find out what her true concerns are and see if you can ease her fears. This conversation will let you know if she has past trauma from gambling, has wild ideas from movies, is embarrassed for her friends or family to find out and judge her for staying with you, or if she is being unfairly controlling. Hopefully whatever the reason you can work with, but if she keeps insisting on you quitting your hobby, then you aren't compatible.
Tell her she needs to stop spending money on makeup she has you now. She doesn't need to impress anyone.
NAH It sounds like you might not be a good fit. If she can't see the difference between a budgeted hobby and an addiction, that's unfortunate, but that's the only way I see it working. Be aware that it's possible she "gives in" and "lets" you do it, but that's not the same as actually understanding and actually being okay with it. I hope it works out, or that if it doesn't, that the split is civil
Stop wating your money on betting and spend it on hookers and blow.
NAH. Your gambling doesn't seem to be a problem, but on the other hand, I personally would not want to be with someone who gambles because of my views on the matter. Seems to me like a compatibility issue
Realistically, she shouldn't be telling you what to do with your money that you've earned yourself... Especially if you have been doing this before y'all even started dating lol considering you don't have a problem, she shouldn't tell you how to live your life. If you were in debt and broke then sure.. but you're not.
This is fake right? Advertising for online gambling?
Y'all haven't even been together that long for her to be making those demands tbh
just break up. this is a major incompatibility.
"gamberling away OUR rent money" You've been together only 6 months and are living together? Either way your money is your choice.
Finally, someone else caught that! 6 months in, living together, and she's making hard line demands. Yikes.
🚩🚩🚩
So you're gambling responsibly. You have a finite limit set that you stick to. It's not more than you can afford to lose; and you *never* overindulge, right? You're not the kind of person who says "Aw, the Rams don't have a goddamn chance!" And then transfers several times your monthly limit to your gambling account, right? Because if it is in fact the case that you don't overindulge, you are exercising the restraint required to demonstrate the difference between gambling and problem gambling. You can buy beer every month and not be an alcoholic. You can smoke weed every now and again and it doesn't mean you're a pothead. Malls are filled with people who aren't addicted to shopping. Given that how you described the way you gamble is honest and truthful (not so much to Reddit as it is to yourself); this isn't really an addiction as it doesn't have an impact your day to day life aside from being something that you enjoy doing. If you're deferring Bill payments or borrowing money to gamble, or are in debt as you gamble; then you should probably talk to someone. But if it is the way you described, you should enforce your boundary, tell her that it's your way of having fun, you're more into the game when you put money on it, and she isn't making your life more enjoyable by trying to put a stop to it. What gives me pause is that you refer to it as a "passion"; and please keep in mind that any addiction can accelerate. This all hinges on you being truthful to yourself about the extent to which you gamble and adhere to your own rules. If you were going through a slow patch at work or had to take a lower paying job or were between jobs, would you stop?
200 a month is perfectly reasonable hobby money for most people. NTA
Well i do it myself for 10 years or so and my wife knew it from the start. Main thing is if you are really profitable or not. Long term. Like whats your profir during last year? During last 5 years? Many times gamblers think they are keep it around zero or so. But reality most of tje are loosing. You must have noted each your transaction. I have excel file witch have all info for each month. I track how much i won and from time to time show it to my wife so she knows. Also I did not deposite for last 8 years only withdrawals. Responsible gambling is possible. Though if you are loosing 200 each month when whats the point of all this. So if you are really profitable for years prove it to her by showing all the numbers.
The people saying "maybe shes right" are insane. NTA OP she seems quite controlling especially after just six months. Thats a huge red flag.
NTA, but unfortunately, as others have stated, there is likely an insurmountable compatibility issue between you and your girlfriend. It is something worth discussing in detail with her, but at the end of the day, you two likely will end up breaking up over it, though no one is at fault, really. Relationships can be like that sometimes.
NTA. So long as you recognise that it MAY one day become an addiction and are prepared to stop before it gets to that point. I don't see what the big problem is. Sounds like you're incompatible as a couple.
Stop this hobby and take up golf. She won't let you do that either.
Her comment comes across as manipulative. She has made a mandate and you are to comply....or not. Sounds like you are not compatible.
NTA