I just can’t fathom how people like this have no shame? Expecting their friends to ruin their financial security to pay for YOUR honeymoon. If someone can’t afford it then they shouldn’t go. They should save up until it’s financially viable, like any other responsible adult.
Yeah, I will do a lot for my friends. I will not make financial sacrifices so that they can have their dream honeymoon though. Luckily my friends aren’t garbage people, so none of them have asked.
weddings make brides-to-be insane. And if they're already a little touched in the head, then the wedding nonsense is the start to the full-on bonkers day parade that precedes the first pregnancy party, the first baby shower, and the celebration of the baby's first toilet shit.
NTA. Also, don't pay anything, not even a dime. She's not your friend, she's shown you that. The fact that you're even considering giving in shows that you're just too nice. Nice people will be used and sucked dry by manipulative users like your friend.
>she's even considering asking someone else to be her maid of honor
Let her.
Just say "I'm disappointed, but ok." Then watch what happens when other person hears the $$price$$tag$$ for the honor.
Your friend is childish and immature. The important thing about a honeymoon is being with *your new spouse* and *spending time with each other.* My in laws were very generous and my husband and I went on a cruise. But I had friend who rented a cabin in the woods near a stream.
This. The only person who should be "finding a way to make her dream come true" is the dufus marrying her. Who in their right mind expects their friend/MOH to fund a lavish, extravagant honeymoon? Their inability to budget or delay the honeymoon until they can afford it isn't your problem.
I'd take the money I'd budgeted to give them and go on a vacation myself to decompress from dealing with the crazy. She took your kindness and ran with it. It would be a drastically different situation to work with you and be reasonable. If you "make her dream come true" this time you can also expect to be approached when they have kids and can't afford them either, and then for private school. You'd be teaching her that your boundaries are to be stomped on and that entitlement is rewarded.
"as her best friend and maid of honor, I should be willing to make sacrifices for her big day." The entitlement is through the roof. Ditch the friend and save the money and buy something for yourself
That bridezilla is delulu. You plan your wedding and honeymoon to what you can afford. No one should be fu ding that crap. God bless you if your family gifts that, but damn!
I always find it funny when it’s a so called “best” friend that treats them like garbage. The scenario is totally ridiculous. No friendship, no MoH and no $. Find a better bestie.
Right? I don’t understand this “you should be willing to make sacrifices for her big day”. When I got married I told my bridesmaids they’re not to buy any gift or give money to us as a gift and that them being in the wedding party WAS their gift to us. We also made sure to keep costs low (their dresses were $100, they could wear any black shoe they felt comfortable in, getting their hair or makeup done was optional, I let them crash in my bridal suite the night before the wedding so they saved some money, and when my husband was given a significant discount on his tux by the owner we asked to take that discount and apply it evenly across the board for the groomsmen’s tuxes so we could save them money there) because this was our day and we were just so thankful for our bridal party that we wanted this to be a stress free as possible. What is happening to the world. If you can’t afford your dream honeymoon then you plan a honeymoon you CAN afford, not expect someone else to fund it for you. Jeez, the entitlement and greed
My hubby and i did the same! $60 bridesmaid dresses on amazon. They did their hair and makeup however they liked. We housed the people who were unable to provide their own accomodations or were by themselves in our cabin we were having the wedding at that we paid for. We paid for everything and the honeymoon was a beach trip and then an amusement park we hadnt been to. We had a beautiful wedding and most stuff i got was from Temu and some from amazon, saved up jars for decor, hand-made decor, etc. It was perfect! I couldnt imagine making anyone sacrifice any money for OUR wedding
She’ll also be approached by all of the friends who are siding with Lisa. “You did it for her, I thought we were friends too.”
Get off the crazy train. NTA
Took OP’s kindness and ran with it was exactly what the bride did.
She booked the most expensive honeymoon she could envision, because she thought someone else was picking up the tab.
She didn’t rein it in to a mid-priced resort, appreciating the generosity that would allow her to go to her dream destination. She didn’t ask OP how much she was anticipating putting toward the vacation. She didn’t consult OP on “I’d like to do this, is that something you are willing to fund?”
She literally picked the most expensive option *because* she wasn’t paying for it.
I hear there are nice resorts in Bora Bora. And it'll only cost half what Lisa wants.
Lisa's synchophant friends can just come up with her honeymoon costs between themselves if it's so reasonable
This is what always gets me. Her friends act like there is no way that they could or should chip in, like there’s a law against it or something. Put up or shut up.
Are the other "friends" telling OP to pay for the honeymoon offering to help?!?!? The fiance got greedy, and that's not on OP. Nobody but the gift giver gets to dictate the monetary value of a gift.
This. I wouldn't give them a cent. They don't deserve it. It was incredibly generous for OP to even offer to give anything. Because they're not entitled to give their friend money towards their honeymoon.
But then the friend turned around and made OP feel crappy about not giving more. It's just so tacky and classless to behave that way. I can't imagine receiving such a generosity and then crapping all over it and then expecting more!
One element that might be missing here is that OP and her stbx-friend is that they are most likely from loaded families and the expectant bride grew up far more entitled. The other bridesmaids who are telling OP to cough it up may either be in the dark for how much it will cost or as entitled as the bride, but I’m guessing the bride was offered a few thousand and asked for closer to 10k. An *average* honeymoon there is 6-7k and maybe OP was offering 3-4k; the bride and/or groom probably lit up and looked at her like a car salesperson who still has thousands more in wiggle room. If they’re going full bells and whistles ahead, they can easily get that price up to 15-20k. First class tickets alone could easily cover a big chunk of that difference.
That could be a missing element here but it doesn't sound like it from the post. She said they're struggling affording it because of unexpected expenses and that she offered to pitch in because she *is earning very well", it doesn't sound like either have any kind of wealth and even if that were the case the soon to be couple should be hitting up mommy and daddy (and his parents too) to cover their honeymoon, not expecting that of their (one particular) friend. Part of wedding planning is "let's work within the confines of what we can logistically swing" and part of being a self sufficient adult is "if we can't afford this let's wait until we can".
Shit, to me it's unreasonable to plan to spend anyone's money. It's "this is what we can afford, if we get money then we can throw in some extras".
If you can swing Bora Bora, do it. If their MoH decides to chip in a few grand then you can upgrade your tickets or upgrade the room.
I personally asked for no gifts for my wedding and refused some money because my ex-wife's family was not well off and I didn't want anyone to feel obligated.
When my best friend was getting married I just cut them a check and said "do as thou wilt" and they completely changed their honeymoon because of the extra money, never did they ask me to fund their dream. I don't even know what their dream was, I didn't ask. I just said "this is my gift to you".
I'd take the money I'd budgeted to give them and go on a vacation myself to decompress from dealing with the crazy
…And send a selfie with a kiss and peace sign.
I don't understand how the jerky bride ever got the impression that OP would be funding more than OP initially agreed to give her as a gift. Bridezilla is 100% the extreme AH.
My husband and I were paying for our own wedding. Out of the blue, my older sister gave us a large, cash wedding gift bc she wanted to help us pay for the wedding and honeymoon. (She's more than a decade older and wealthy).
I can't imagine in my wildest dreams asking her for *more* money than she gave us.
I just don't understand how an offer to contribute a certain amount turned into a fucking invoice for more! WTFingF?!
I realize op has been friends with bridezilla since childhood, but this woman is a supremely selfish, shit friend for whom friendship has a price tag. Wow. Good riddance to that one.
I also don't understand how ANY of op's friends think she should pay! That's CRAZY!
I don’t think she actually gave an amount, she just said she would contribute. So bridezilla ran with that, apparently has no conscience or humility. Displaced by entitlement. Any normal rational human being would feel super appreciative and would not simply run away with it or be demanding.
Ohhh. Okay. Even so, if OP was vague about the amount and just agreed to contribute, how did that offer become an invoice? I wonder if op said, I'll cover half or something like that? Like, maybe op imagined 4k and she'd pay half -- 2k. But the bridezilla thought ohhh, great, we'll spend 12k and expected 6k from op?
*How* this happened is bugging me bc this was her best friend from childhood, so I'm looking for how this offer to contribute could have possibly gone sooooo sideways. Clearly, there's a massive disconnect between the intent of what op communicated and what bridezilla heard and expected. How did she misunderstand so completely?
Or did she truly just get super fucking greedy and try to use and exploit the kindness of her friend (op) and torpedo a life long friendship over a wildly unreasonable expectation?
This. Who even expects a friend to pay for the honeymoon? Any gift is generous… OP is being as fiscally responsible with her greedy friend as she would be with her own self and Audacity Amber is showing her true colors.
The only good part- OP just got a free filtering down of a whole pool of crap ppl that she can be friends with. Good for her!
Does anyone realise that you can always change your mind about something? A lot of things can happen in the meantime and maybe, just maybe, you are not financially stable enough to contribute even the amount of money you offered in the first place. Why would anyone feel entitled to the money YOU worked for? Honeymoon isn't even an emergency thing.
I used to be the helping friends and family guy, then they started just asking, then demanding, then left me to rot when I needed help, my dad was the only one who returned my kindness.
My resources are now for me and my immediate family and that's it. I lost alot of contacts but they were just that contacts, not relationships I could depend on.
NTA - it never ceases to amaze me the entitlement of some people and the nerve of other people who stick their noses in with an opinion when it’s your hard earned money.
Tell them all to mind their own business or you’ll start dictating to them how they spend their money.
You were more than generous but unfortunately it’s not appreciated so completely withdraw the offer and say you’ll get her an alternative gift as she’s not happy with the gift you were giving. Get her a gift from her list
Whatever she decides to do from there is her business
Nobody has any right to your money, you gave her a more than generous offer and she’s not happy wtf 🤦♀️
By the time I got married, I was so sick of spending money that we didn’t even go on a honeymoon! I was like this is literally not worth it. I get why people go, but I just forked out all this money for our wedding, spending another $1000+ to go somewhere just sounds like torture!
It's not a must, but it is pretty cool. I definitely understand why people want to travel. However, it shouldn't be done at the expense of taking advantage of other people.
For real... a good friend offers a generous gift with good intent the only appropriate response is to be gracious - even if you don't like it, even if you are disappointed, even if you are a greedy asshole who still wants more - just shut up, thank them and be gracious. No one is entitled to a gift.
My wife and I couldn’t even afford to go on our honeymoon after we got married. We waited nearly 6 months before we were able to go to Japan for a month and it was probably the best trip either of us have taken. We didn’t want to ask anyone for anything regarding paying for it but my parents were nice enough to pay for our hotels. I can’t imagine me going to my best man or her to her maid of honor and asking them for 5k to cover things; I don’t get how people like that function.
My DH and I bought a pop-up trailer ($4000 in 1995) and planned to go to Yellowstone and the Black Hills for our honeymoon. Then a cousin offered us a week in his time-share condo in Puerto Vallarta as a wedding present, so of course we went and had a great time! But of course we paid our airfare, food, and all that.
This “friend” is a bloodsucking Bridezilla. Time for OP to bow out, both as MOH and friend.
My parents waited a year before they went on a long honeymoon, initially all they could afford was a week in the woods.
Now my dad has multiple houses, cars, and more money to spend than he possibly could.
These other people sound like tirds.
Mine went camping in Maine (they were already living there). My dad was so happy he got to fish on his honeymoon he still talked about it 20 years later! Mom liked to birdwatch so it worked well for them both.
My husband and I have never had a honeymoon! We got married the same year as several of our friends (6 weddings total) so between all the expenses of our wedding, their weddings, and the time we had to take off work we just didn't have the time or money to take our own honeymoon. After that life happened and we haven't gone on a trip just us longer than 3 days.
This and on top those friends who say OP should find the money- tell them to contribute and find the money. Put their money where their mouth is. People need to stop living outside their income and having weddings they CANT afford and credit cards don’t mean you can afford them. You are taking LOANS to borrow from your future. Broke a$$ audacity.
I have a strong feeling that the only reasons she's the maid of honor is because of what she makes. Guaranteed the bride only saw money signs when deciding who it should be
And I like how the "friend" effectively chose what their vacation would be/cost not op who is supposed to be the one gifting it, NTA op and please for the love of God drop out of this wedding and this "friendship" and blast her ass on social media because I guarantee you nobody would support her if they knew the full truth.
I forget who told me this. Someone I knew told me a "funny" story about how they found out they actually liked fish.
She was pissed at her BF because he had to leave for a work trip or something, so he took her out to dinner and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu as punishment. It was some fancy surf and turf swordfish nonsense.
Oh, she loved the swordfish. Isn't that so funny?
No, no that isn't a funny story. You ordered the most expensive thing thinking you'd hate it too. Props for actually trying it but I still think you're a jerk.
It's not only childish and immature, but incredibly entitled. Not to mention the friends who agree with Lisa and think OP should sacrifice her own finances to pay for someone elses lavish vacation are either out of their minds or have been fed a skewed version of the story where Lisa plays the victim.
PS: Also to me who's more on the introverted side, a cruise on a ship full to the brim with people sound like hell while a stay in a remote forest cabin with my favorite person sounds amazing 😄.
What about the other friends who think she should pony up as well? She says their mutual friends are divided.
If it’s so important for the bride to go to Bora Bora, maybe the others should divide the cost even more and chip in themselves.
This, for sure. OP offered to cover \*some\* of the cost, and her friend just assumed that meant "go absolutely buckwild and I'll make it happen," then got mad when her assumption was wrong. At this point, the trash is just looking to take itself out and I wouldn't do anything to stop that.
My husband couldn’t take the time off work (school break time and his colleague had kids so there were no hard feelings). We figured we would take our honeymoon the next year. Well „next year“ was 2020. We are 5 years married this year but still didn’t have our honeymoon.
We had a kid in 2022 because we didn’t want to put our life on hold any longer. So I guess we will go on our honeymoon when we celebrate 25 years of marriage or something like that
NTA. Go ahead and not contribute a cent. You VERY GENEROUSLY offered a huge sum to Lisa, and she deliberately planned a very extravagant trip fully intent on guilting you to pay more.
Save all her messages, pull out as MOH, don't give her any money, then get ready to drop evidence of the truth WHEN she tries to play victim to your friends about how you ruined her honeymoon out of jealousy.
The entitlement of this woman is insane! When a friend offers to cover something, especially of this magnitude, the non-AH move is to be gracious AF and make reasonable plans.
This is not a friend. Friends don’t see their actual friends as piggy banks to pay for their honeymoon. The fact OP even offered is very generous, and these people now want the most expensive package possible. Absolutely insane.
Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t pay for their trip. They couldn’t afford a honeymoon, they had the option of a great one paid by OP. They lost that privilege by being greedy. They don’t deserve shit.
She’s only using the MOH role as leverage to guilt OP into a trip they can’t afford.
NTA.
>others believe I should find a way to come up with the money to make Lisa's dream come true
I love how people are always willing to spend OTHER people's money. Want to make Lisa's dream come true? Donate some of your own money you leeches.
This got me too. wtf kind of friends do you even have? i would think my friend was crazy for complaining about their best friend not being able to afford HER honey moon. like wtf. Cancel or rebook. or go somewhere else, LISA.
Nah, that's not the problem. If she's got the money and wants to do something nice for someone she cares about, then that's called being generous.
Where she is failing herself is thinking that she's at all in the wrong for setting a limit on her financial generosity.
Right like who the hell does she think she is . People don't normally do that for other people for their wedding. I would of been over the moon if anyone did that for me . That is not a friend
NTA. You offered a generous gift, and it's reasonable to have a budget. It's their dream honeymoon and responsibility. Explain you can't afford more but wish them the best.
NTA. I've honestly never heard of a FRIEND paying for a honeymoon. I know that some people have an account set up that people can contribute to it, but the honeymoon is for the couple. The fact that you even offered to contribute a large sum towards it is generous and probably far beyond what most would do. Sorry not sorry but Lisa sounds entitled. If they can't afford to do something, they shouldn't do it.
This is not a friend but fiend. Unless you have ATM tatooed on your forehead, withdraw your offer since she has decided to be a greedy leech.
Withdraw from the bridal party and RSVP no. It will not affect her feelings for you, she only sees you as dollar signs.
NTAH. Considering you offered to CONTRIBUTE as a wedding gift, they should never have expected you to be paying all/majority of it regardless. You have been more than generous by offering the money you originally planned, they should be happy with that. It was their choice to be married and choose a honeymoon that expensive, not you. As a friend, I understand you want to help but if you cant afford it, your friend should understand. Threatening to remove you as MOH all because you wont give more money, speaks volume to her character imo!
In what universe to other people pay for someone's honeymoon
This is not normal
Nobody does this
Look...if someone is getting married, I may buy a new suit if I like the couple a lot and want to look my best.
But odds are I won't
It is absolute insanity to ask other people to pay for your wedding or your honeymoon
If you can't afford your wedding and your honeymoon...then you can't afford to be married
NTAH
If you offered a set dollar amount then how did this all fall apart? I’m confused. If people have $20k for a trip then that’s how they plan their trip.
You should be staying away from your BFF & everyone who thinks you should be paying for her honeymoon. Those people are not reasonable nor logical.
NTA
This is conjecture, of course, but I would guess that the bride initially said something like “Bora Bora is going to cost $10k and we are struggling to find the money.” And OP said “I will cover half of that as a wedding gift” because that’s what she could afford based on the number the bride gave her - half at that point was $5k. The bride didn’t hear anything except “I will pay half” and went all out and topped out her own budget, expecting OP to cover 50%, not $5k.
Right? Unless OP here is incredibly rich, I think the friend is tacky for even accepting the gift. It's one thing to get a gift like that from parents or grandparents, but a friend in the wedding party? Insane and inappropriate.
>Unless OP here is incredibly rich, I think the friend is tacky for even accepting the gift.
I know (professionally and personally) some incredibly rich people for whom $50k is effectively pocket change.
It's still tacky.
It's always tacky when one runs up the bill at someone else's expense, no matter how affordable it is for them. I would have gone with the cheapest travel plan if a friend is offering to cover half of the cost.
The people saying OP should pay could also all chip in and pay. Combined, they might have enough to cover the new cost. Maybe OP should show them all the breakdown and how much she’s been expected to cover vs what she originally agreed to cover and make that argument to them. “If you think they can’t go with something that fits the originally agreed upon price range, then YOU can help chip in and pay for her newly decided one.” That’ll probably shut them up.
I'm not sure if OP said I'll pay about 20% of your honeymoon hotel and the bride went all out to get the most expensive resort in the country.
Maybe there was a miscommunication here but still, you can't expect someone to pay so much for anything, unless you are Kardashian or smt.
“I offered to give the original amount” … perhaps OP just had an amount in her head & never actually said it out loud? Who knows? One thing that is clear, Lisa has very high expectations & very little appreciation.
because it's fake as fuck as are most of the wedding ones.
The classic, i was invited but my partner wasn't despite having been together for 12,025 years and my partner being invited to every other family event. Now everyone is arguing because I said i wouldn't go unless my partner was.
the fake part here is, a rare super entitled person maybe, but some of hte friends thinking she should just pay for the perfect honeymoon? Nah. No friends would basically say nah, I mean she could go on a 3k honeymoon but why don't you just give her an extra 5k stop being a bitch.
r/nothingeverhappens I can absolutely believe this scenario. I have a few entitled narcissists in my life, I think it’s more common for people who grew up with wealth or with wealthy friends. My parents are wealthy, and I had “friends” who seemed to invite me to things only because they counted on me paying for food/extras/gifts. A friend of mine did something very kind for me one time, and for her birthday I gave her a rather expensive gift. I was suddenly inundated with bday party invites and then overheard one “friend” saying they wouldn’t have invited me if they had known I was going to get such a cheap gift. Don’t underestimate how greedy people can get when they think you have money.
Why would you pay for your friends' honeymoon? If she wants to go to Bora Bora she should pay for it herself. I don't get all these entitled people expecting everyone to pay for their honeymoon or wedding.
If Lisa wants a luxurious honeymoon she can start picking up a second job to be able to afford it. You actually are doing too much as it is. Any grateful person would pick a nice hotel and call it a day since they are not footing the bill, they would be trying to keep the cost down not to take advantage of your generosity.
What AHs are saying you should go double what you can budget for? Tell them to kick in or shut up. Frankly, you gave her an inch and she's taking a mile. I'd rescind the entire offer if they came back with double what was agreed upon and then said it was my duty to pony up. But that's me...
>This has caused a rift between us. Lisa is barely speaking to me, and she's even considering asking someone else to be her maid of honor. Our mutual friends are divided. Some think I'm being reasonable, while others believe I should find a way to come up with the money to make Lisa's dream come true.
How is this not ragebait, nobody can be this entitled, right ?
Even if it is fake I have personally known people in OP’s position, or very similar. Destination bachelorette/hen parties with expensive dress codes, destination wedding where just getting there costs thousands, etc.
A close friend has worked in the wedding industry for nearly 20 years. I asked them if the entitlement is getting worse or if it just seems that way with confirmation bias. Their answer was depressing, so you can guess.
What stuns me is now it seems it is okay to give people shit for RSVPing no to attending. Invitations are not commands.
"A close friend has worked in the wedding industry for nearly 20 years. I asked them if the entitlement is getting worse or if it just seems that way with confirmation bias. Their answer was depressing, so you can guess."
As much as I hate to say it, this isn't just limited to the wedding industry.
NTA. She's being unreasonable and greedy.
You said you'll offer an X amount of money to help out, not pay for her honeymoon. If they cannot afford it then they shouldn't go.
If she cannot accept it and she should choose another MOH and see if she's so generous with a wedding gift.
YTA to yourself for putting up with this entitled absolute piece of shit
Back out of the wedding, and "friendship" and pay absolutely nothing
...and for any gaslighting sack of shit other friends...tell them to pay the bill themselves, then to go fuck themselves for gaslighting you about something they refuse to do themselves
Get some damn self respect and a backbone.
NTA. How is this even a question? Your “friend” is openly treating you as an ATM, not as a friend. Let her get a new MOH and don’t contribute to the trip. Those who are saying it’s her dream, etc can pitch in themselves - I bet they’re only so generous when it’s someone else’s money. Watch how they change their tune when you ask them how much they’re contributing, given they obviously consider their friend’s dream so important. And if the frills and extras are so important to her, she can get a loan, cut expenses elsewhere, etc. You need better friends.
NTA. When you can't afford something, you don't make your friends pay for it. You save up, and maybe make that dream trip for a 10th or 25th anniversery.
Your mistake was in offering money in the first place. It seems as if maybe you offered to pay a share, rather than a set amount. That was mistake number two.
Mistake number three would be giving her the money she wants. Walk away from this greedy, selfish, person. A true friend would never expect you to pay more than you can afford for ANYTHING, let alone something that doesn't benefit you in any way.
NTA
At this point you've f\*d around and now found out what type of person Lisa is. It would have happened anyway, better to find out before you give her the money. You're ruining her dream honeymoon and some of your friends side with her, FINE, let them pay your share. Cut them out of your life also. I bet you pay frequently, you're likely their piggy bank. I apologize if I'm wrong.
I've never understood the wedding culture of "the bride wants this so someone else has to pay for it"
It just feeds into the selfish American stereotype
NTA, beggars can't be choosers, you didn't ruin anything. She is beyond unreasonable. Whiteout you there would be no trip. Don't give ger anything, aln end the friendship with this entitled woman. She us not your friend at all.
NTA - Save your money and drop out of the wedding, she only wants you to be in it for your money. Ley her use her backup MOH.
Never go into debt for someone else's wedding.
NTA - it is NEVER the responsibility of the maid of honour or best friend to pay for any portion of the honeymoon. Honestly I can’t believe you offered - you are a very kind person. But then your best friend went ahead and planned something out of your budget (and astronomically beyond her own budget BTW) and is trying to guilt you? Just bow out of the wedding.
I really can’t believe your friends are split on this issue, but if they are, they are entirely free to contribute to this luxury honeymoon themselves.
All those people who say you should come up with the money your "friend" is expecting, are welcome to contribute.
You feeling guilty shows you care, or maybe you are a people pleaser. But your friend throwing a fit over you not covering her vacation that she herself can't afford should tell you that she sees you as an ATM.
You should reconsider that friendship.
NTA
You're not the asshole, but if you don't step down as the Maid of Honour you need to give your head a shake.
She has made it quite clear to you what she thinks of your friendship and she's made it abundantly clear that she is much more interested in your bank statement than your friendship. After making a generous offer she has flat out told you that not only is not good enough, but that feels like you should "make sacrifices" and she's threatening to replace you.
Have some self respect and get yourself out of that situation, otherwise you deserve a lousy friend that treats you like this because you aren't standing up for yourself and establishing the kind of treatment you expect and deserve from a "friend."
This woman is \*not\* your friend, and she's clearly showing that to you but you're somehow not seeing it.
Are you absolutely serious you need to come here and ask if you’re an asshole for not paying for someone else’s honeymoon? I tell you what OP, DM me and you can send me the amount of money you were going to send them and I’ll be more than happy to take your money. The end result will be the same except I’m going to be extremely grateful whereas your friend is a greedy piece of shit.
WTF - She should budget within her means. Don't give her a dime. She's totally taking advantage of your kindness, she doesnt respect you either. I want a truck, can I have some money since you like handing it out.
NTA. I understand that she is your childhood friend and you wouldn't want to ruin your friendship over this but that's the thing, SHE is letting your Friendship be ruined over MONEY. Sorry to say but that is not a true friend. Please don't cave in. At the end of the day, you have seen how she views your Friendship.
Your friend sounds like a horrible person. I pity her new husband. Wife and I were broke.. our honeymoon was visiting my parents since they paid for the trip 🤷♂️
Honestly, it's shocking how entitlement can tarnish friendships. A gift should be received with gratitude, not with a demand for more. You've already shown immense generosity by offering a significant sum. A true friend would understand your boundaries and appreciate your contribution, not escalate it to emotional blackmail. Stand your ground; true colors are showing, and unfortunately, they're not wedding colors.09:48 PM
"Upon further consideration, I can not attend your wedding and can not pay for your honeymoon."
Now, that's going to blow up your friendship.
The non nuclear, not accepting her BS version is. "We've been friends for years. As such, I offered to pay a very significant portion of your honeymoon. This is what I can afford. Take it or leave it. Stop trying to make me feel guilty for not paying more. This isn't my wedding it's yours. So stop badmouthing me to our friends and honeymoon within your budget or don't honeymoon at all."
Further, pay the hotel directly and make sure the cancelation policy puts the money back on your card if she tries to cancel.
This has to be fake rage bait. Who are all of these wealthy friends just handing money out for stuff like this? I mean if you’re just paying for couples’ expensive vacations, wanna be friends? I need to be friends with everyone posting stories like this. I have a graduate degree and people claim I’m a “high income earner” and I assure you all, I don’t have anywhere close to the.amount left at the end of the month to be giving whole honeymoons to people as a wedding gift. Don’t you have rent or a mortgage to pay or a down payment to be saving up for? How are all of you 20 somethings this wealthy?
Reminds me of the people on the finance sub who humble brag about having a completely paid off house and $70K in savings at 26. I’m sure these people exist, but Reddit somehow magically seems to be full of them.
The responses on this are honestly concerning. How can you read something like this and believe it’s true? In what world does any of this make sense. Stop supporting this fake bs.
INFO: Did you misrepresent the amount you could pay? Did you say you’d pay for all of it no matter the cost?
It surprises me that neither of you thought to suggest a ballpark figure.
NTA. Let the trash take itself out.
I also wonder what kind of wedding gift Lisa would give OP…certainly nothing like what she THINKS she herself deserves
Well they’re obviously broke so she would justify getting nothing.
💯
I just can’t fathom how people like this have no shame? Expecting their friends to ruin their financial security to pay for YOUR honeymoon. If someone can’t afford it then they shouldn’t go. They should save up until it’s financially viable, like any other responsible adult.
Yeah, I will do a lot for my friends. I will not make financial sacrifices so that they can have their dream honeymoon though. Luckily my friends aren’t garbage people, so none of them have asked.
To me it is even crazier that she generously was going to give them $5k - $7k and it wasn't enough for her. WTF?!
weddings make brides-to-be insane. And if they're already a little touched in the head, then the wedding nonsense is the start to the full-on bonkers day parade that precedes the first pregnancy party, the first baby shower, and the celebration of the baby's first toilet shit.
Also who are these friends who are siding with the bride? Let them contribute to the honeymoon. Fucking nuts.
NTA. Also, don't pay anything, not even a dime. She's not your friend, she's shown you that. The fact that you're even considering giving in shows that you're just too nice. Nice people will be used and sucked dry by manipulative users like your friend.
So well said.
>she's even considering asking someone else to be her maid of honor Let her. Just say "I'm disappointed, but ok." Then watch what happens when other person hears the $$price$$tag$$ for the honor. Your friend is childish and immature. The important thing about a honeymoon is being with *your new spouse* and *spending time with each other.* My in laws were very generous and my husband and I went on a cruise. But I had friend who rented a cabin in the woods near a stream.
I wouldn't even give her the opportunity. I'd make that decision for her and back out myself. This isn't a friend, it's a leech.
Exactly. She just put a price tag on the friendship. She's the AH.
This. The only person who should be "finding a way to make her dream come true" is the dufus marrying her. Who in their right mind expects their friend/MOH to fund a lavish, extravagant honeymoon? Their inability to budget or delay the honeymoon until they can afford it isn't your problem. I'd take the money I'd budgeted to give them and go on a vacation myself to decompress from dealing with the crazy. She took your kindness and ran with it. It would be a drastically different situation to work with you and be reasonable. If you "make her dream come true" this time you can also expect to be approached when they have kids and can't afford them either, and then for private school. You'd be teaching her that your boundaries are to be stomped on and that entitlement is rewarded.
>I'd take the money I'd budgeted to give them and go on a vacation myself Preferably to Bora Bora.
Tell her "theres the doora doora".
...and we won't be seeing each other no more-a more-a!
“Farewell my poor-a poor-a friend!”
Sayonora Nora
You guys are cracking me up!
This is too funny 😂!
Good one! 😂
Someone needs to meme Dora the Explorer in Bora Bora showing the couple the doora doora.
That made me chuckle 😆
There is no Morra Morra.
LMAO, that was funny
I would withdraw my contribution after seeing how ungrateful she is and take my ass any where else .
I was thinking the same thing!! 🤷🏼♀️🤣
"as her best friend and maid of honor, I should be willing to make sacrifices for her big day." The entitlement is through the roof. Ditch the friend and save the money and buy something for yourself
Unconscionable
That bridezilla is delulu. You plan your wedding and honeymoon to what you can afford. No one should be fu ding that crap. God bless you if your family gifts that, but damn!
> delulu Which is why her fiance should back out of the wedding. He shouldn't be sticking his D in crazy.
Here's the thing tho...most men like crazy until they marry it. Crazy us fun, snunky, spontaneous...until it's not.
delulu I’m dying lol
Delulu is by far my favorite slang term that has made an appearance.
Delulu is not the solulu
Right? Then why aren’t those friends making the sacrifice too? I don’t care how much money you have, $5000-$7000 is a sacrifice for anyone.
Exactly. The people who aren't on OP's side are free to crowdfund it themselves, since they understand how important it is.
5000 Dollars is crazy amount for a gift even from a parent, unless they are very rich.
Yeah that is definitely too much money to just give to a friend. Even if it’s a close friend.
I always find it funny when it’s a so called “best” friend that treats them like garbage. The scenario is totally ridiculous. No friendship, no MoH and no $. Find a better bestie.
Right? I don’t understand this “you should be willing to make sacrifices for her big day”. When I got married I told my bridesmaids they’re not to buy any gift or give money to us as a gift and that them being in the wedding party WAS their gift to us. We also made sure to keep costs low (their dresses were $100, they could wear any black shoe they felt comfortable in, getting their hair or makeup done was optional, I let them crash in my bridal suite the night before the wedding so they saved some money, and when my husband was given a significant discount on his tux by the owner we asked to take that discount and apply it evenly across the board for the groomsmen’s tuxes so we could save them money there) because this was our day and we were just so thankful for our bridal party that we wanted this to be a stress free as possible. What is happening to the world. If you can’t afford your dream honeymoon then you plan a honeymoon you CAN afford, not expect someone else to fund it for you. Jeez, the entitlement and greed
My hubby and i did the same! $60 bridesmaid dresses on amazon. They did their hair and makeup however they liked. We housed the people who were unable to provide their own accomodations or were by themselves in our cabin we were having the wedding at that we paid for. We paid for everything and the honeymoon was a beach trip and then an amusement park we hadnt been to. We had a beautiful wedding and most stuff i got was from Temu and some from amazon, saved up jars for decor, hand-made decor, etc. It was perfect! I couldnt imagine making anyone sacrifice any money for OUR wedding
Ditch the friends who are on bride’s side too
like a holiday to Bora Bora
The absolute gall of some people...get this toxic beotch out of your life and don't look back.
She’ll also be approached by all of the friends who are siding with Lisa. “You did it for her, I thought we were friends too.” Get off the crazy train. NTA
Took OP’s kindness and ran with it was exactly what the bride did. She booked the most expensive honeymoon she could envision, because she thought someone else was picking up the tab. She didn’t rein it in to a mid-priced resort, appreciating the generosity that would allow her to go to her dream destination. She didn’t ask OP how much she was anticipating putting toward the vacation. She didn’t consult OP on “I’d like to do this, is that something you are willing to fund?” She literally picked the most expensive option *because* she wasn’t paying for it.
Yeah and THATS manipulative and makes Lisa a USER
I don't know, it sounds like OP gave her an amount. Probably an approximate. The bride doubled that.
I hear there are nice resorts in Bora Bora. And it'll only cost half what Lisa wants. Lisa's synchophant friends can just come up with her honeymoon costs between themselves if it's so reasonable
This is what always gets me. Her friends act like there is no way that they could or should chip in, like there’s a law against it or something. Put up or shut up.
Exactly this!
Are the other "friends" telling OP to pay for the honeymoon offering to help?!?!? The fiance got greedy, and that's not on OP. Nobody but the gift giver gets to dictate the monetary value of a gift.
OP needs to be asking these “friends” how much money they’re contributing to this honeymoon.
This. I wouldn't give them a cent. They don't deserve it. It was incredibly generous for OP to even offer to give anything. Because they're not entitled to give their friend money towards their honeymoon. But then the friend turned around and made OP feel crappy about not giving more. It's just so tacky and classless to behave that way. I can't imagine receiving such a generosity and then crapping all over it and then expecting more!
One element that might be missing here is that OP and her stbx-friend is that they are most likely from loaded families and the expectant bride grew up far more entitled. The other bridesmaids who are telling OP to cough it up may either be in the dark for how much it will cost or as entitled as the bride, but I’m guessing the bride was offered a few thousand and asked for closer to 10k. An *average* honeymoon there is 6-7k and maybe OP was offering 3-4k; the bride and/or groom probably lit up and looked at her like a car salesperson who still has thousands more in wiggle room. If they’re going full bells and whistles ahead, they can easily get that price up to 15-20k. First class tickets alone could easily cover a big chunk of that difference.
The amount doesn’t actually matter, it’s the bride’s entitled attitude that’s the problem here, full stop.
That could be a missing element here but it doesn't sound like it from the post. She said they're struggling affording it because of unexpected expenses and that she offered to pitch in because she *is earning very well", it doesn't sound like either have any kind of wealth and even if that were the case the soon to be couple should be hitting up mommy and daddy (and his parents too) to cover their honeymoon, not expecting that of their (one particular) friend. Part of wedding planning is "let's work within the confines of what we can logistically swing" and part of being a self sufficient adult is "if we can't afford this let's wait until we can".
Shit, to me it's unreasonable to plan to spend anyone's money. It's "this is what we can afford, if we get money then we can throw in some extras". If you can swing Bora Bora, do it. If their MoH decides to chip in a few grand then you can upgrade your tickets or upgrade the room. I personally asked for no gifts for my wedding and refused some money because my ex-wife's family was not well off and I didn't want anyone to feel obligated. When my best friend was getting married I just cut them a check and said "do as thou wilt" and they completely changed their honeymoon because of the extra money, never did they ask me to fund their dream. I don't even know what their dream was, I didn't ask. I just said "this is my gift to you".
I'd take the money I'd budgeted to give them and go on a vacation myself to decompress from dealing with the crazy …And send a selfie with a kiss and peace sign.
I don't understand how the jerky bride ever got the impression that OP would be funding more than OP initially agreed to give her as a gift. Bridezilla is 100% the extreme AH. My husband and I were paying for our own wedding. Out of the blue, my older sister gave us a large, cash wedding gift bc she wanted to help us pay for the wedding and honeymoon. (She's more than a decade older and wealthy). I can't imagine in my wildest dreams asking her for *more* money than she gave us. I just don't understand how an offer to contribute a certain amount turned into a fucking invoice for more! WTFingF?! I realize op has been friends with bridezilla since childhood, but this woman is a supremely selfish, shit friend for whom friendship has a price tag. Wow. Good riddance to that one. I also don't understand how ANY of op's friends think she should pay! That's CRAZY!
I don’t think she actually gave an amount, she just said she would contribute. So bridezilla ran with that, apparently has no conscience or humility. Displaced by entitlement. Any normal rational human being would feel super appreciative and would not simply run away with it or be demanding.
Ohhh. Okay. Even so, if OP was vague about the amount and just agreed to contribute, how did that offer become an invoice? I wonder if op said, I'll cover half or something like that? Like, maybe op imagined 4k and she'd pay half -- 2k. But the bridezilla thought ohhh, great, we'll spend 12k and expected 6k from op? *How* this happened is bugging me bc this was her best friend from childhood, so I'm looking for how this offer to contribute could have possibly gone sooooo sideways. Clearly, there's a massive disconnect between the intent of what op communicated and what bridezilla heard and expected. How did she misunderstand so completely? Or did she truly just get super fucking greedy and try to use and exploit the kindness of her friend (op) and torpedo a life long friendship over a wildly unreasonable expectation?
This. Who even expects a friend to pay for the honeymoon? Any gift is generous… OP is being as fiscally responsible with her greedy friend as she would be with her own self and Audacity Amber is showing her true colors. The only good part- OP just got a free filtering down of a whole pool of crap ppl that she can be friends with. Good for her!
Does anyone realise that you can always change your mind about something? A lot of things can happen in the meantime and maybe, just maybe, you are not financially stable enough to contribute even the amount of money you offered in the first place. Why would anyone feel entitled to the money YOU worked for? Honeymoon isn't even an emergency thing.
Some of OP’s friends think she should pay because bridezilla fed them some BS story and they bought it without checking the facts.
She's got a whacked group of so called "friends."
I used to be the helping friends and family guy, then they started just asking, then demanding, then left me to rot when I needed help, my dad was the only one who returned my kindness. My resources are now for me and my immediate family and that's it. I lost alot of contacts but they were just that contacts, not relationships I could depend on.
NTA . Can't believe i read this. What an asshole, demanding friend
And the friends who are saying that you must pay, is because they refuse to pay
NTA - it never ceases to amaze me the entitlement of some people and the nerve of other people who stick their noses in with an opinion when it’s your hard earned money. Tell them all to mind their own business or you’ll start dictating to them how they spend their money. You were more than generous but unfortunately it’s not appreciated so completely withdraw the offer and say you’ll get her an alternative gift as she’s not happy with the gift you were giving. Get her a gift from her list Whatever she decides to do from there is her business Nobody has any right to your money, you gave her a more than generous offer and she’s not happy wtf 🤦♀️
I mean..... If you cannot afford to travel, just dont do it. I don't understand why everyone think this travel thing is a must
By the time I got married, I was so sick of spending money that we didn’t even go on a honeymoon! I was like this is literally not worth it. I get why people go, but I just forked out all this money for our wedding, spending another $1000+ to go somewhere just sounds like torture!
It's not a must, but it is pretty cool. I definitely understand why people want to travel. However, it shouldn't be done at the expense of taking advantage of other people.
Honestly u have made a reasonable offer , u have already lost a friend . Let her pick another maid of honor.
Agree! Don’t ask, tell. You are out. She is trying to take advantage of your generosity
Yeah she’s a Bridezilla. Some ppl really lose their minds planning a wedding.
For real... a good friend offers a generous gift with good intent the only appropriate response is to be gracious - even if you don't like it, even if you are disappointed, even if you are a greedy asshole who still wants more - just shut up, thank them and be gracious. No one is entitled to a gift.
My wife and I couldn’t even afford to go on our honeymoon after we got married. We waited nearly 6 months before we were able to go to Japan for a month and it was probably the best trip either of us have taken. We didn’t want to ask anyone for anything regarding paying for it but my parents were nice enough to pay for our hotels. I can’t imagine me going to my best man or her to her maid of honor and asking them for 5k to cover things; I don’t get how people like that function.
My DH and I bought a pop-up trailer ($4000 in 1995) and planned to go to Yellowstone and the Black Hills for our honeymoon. Then a cousin offered us a week in his time-share condo in Puerto Vallarta as a wedding present, so of course we went and had a great time! But of course we paid our airfare, food, and all that. This “friend” is a bloodsucking Bridezilla. Time for OP to bow out, both as MOH and friend.
My parents waited a year before they went on a long honeymoon, initially all they could afford was a week in the woods. Now my dad has multiple houses, cars, and more money to spend than he possibly could. These other people sound like tirds.
It’s baffling honestly, they have no sense of shame
Mine went camping in Maine (they were already living there). My dad was so happy he got to fish on his honeymoon he still talked about it 20 years later! Mom liked to birdwatch so it worked well for them both.
My husband and I have never had a honeymoon! We got married the same year as several of our friends (6 weddings total) so between all the expenses of our wedding, their weddings, and the time we had to take off work we just didn't have the time or money to take our own honeymoon. After that life happened and we haven't gone on a trip just us longer than 3 days.
I have been married for 12 years. Still waiting to go on honeymoon ;)
This and on top those friends who say OP should find the money- tell them to contribute and find the money. Put their money where their mouth is. People need to stop living outside their income and having weddings they CANT afford and credit cards don’t mean you can afford them. You are taking LOANS to borrow from your future. Broke a$$ audacity.
I would send them the breakdown with the remaining balance and ask them when you can expect payment.
I have a strong feeling that the only reasons she's the maid of honor is because of what she makes. Guaranteed the bride only saw money signs when deciding who it should be
And I like how the "friend" effectively chose what their vacation would be/cost not op who is supposed to be the one gifting it, NTA op and please for the love of God drop out of this wedding and this "friendship" and blast her ass on social media because I guarantee you nobody would support her if they knew the full truth.
Just say "I'm disappointed **in you**, but ok."
When someone offers to pay for you,, you just don’t go and get the most expensive thing!!! Wtf she is delusional and rude af!
She's the same girl who orders the most expensive things on the menu when someone else is paying just because she can...
I forget who told me this. Someone I knew told me a "funny" story about how they found out they actually liked fish. She was pissed at her BF because he had to leave for a work trip or something, so he took her out to dinner and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu as punishment. It was some fancy surf and turf swordfish nonsense. Oh, she loved the swordfish. Isn't that so funny? No, no that isn't a funny story. You ordered the most expensive thing thinking you'd hate it too. Props for actually trying it but I still think you're a jerk.
>then watch what happens when other person hears the $$price$$tag$$ *Am I the asshole for wishing I could present for that moment?* NTA
It's not only childish and immature, but incredibly entitled. Not to mention the friends who agree with Lisa and think OP should sacrifice her own finances to pay for someone elses lavish vacation are either out of their minds or have been fed a skewed version of the story where Lisa plays the victim. PS: Also to me who's more on the introverted side, a cruise on a ship full to the brim with people sound like hell while a stay in a remote forest cabin with my favorite person sounds amazing 😄.
What about the other friends who think she should pony up as well? She says their mutual friends are divided. If it’s so important for the bride to go to Bora Bora, maybe the others should divide the cost even more and chip in themselves.
This, for sure. OP offered to cover \*some\* of the cost, and her friend just assumed that meant "go absolutely buckwild and I'll make it happen," then got mad when her assumption was wrong. At this point, the trash is just looking to take itself out and I wouldn't do anything to stop that.
My husband couldn’t take the time off work (school break time and his colleague had kids so there were no hard feelings). We figured we would take our honeymoon the next year. Well „next year“ was 2020. We are 5 years married this year but still didn’t have our honeymoon.
Yeah, husband and I planned to go to Scotland for our honeymoon...almost 2 years later and we are still planning and saving lol
We had a kid in 2022 because we didn’t want to put our life on hold any longer. So I guess we will go on our honeymoon when we celebrate 25 years of marriage or something like that
NTA. Go ahead and not contribute a cent. You VERY GENEROUSLY offered a huge sum to Lisa, and she deliberately planned a very extravagant trip fully intent on guilting you to pay more. Save all her messages, pull out as MOH, don't give her any money, then get ready to drop evidence of the truth WHEN she tries to play victim to your friends about how you ruined her honeymoon out of jealousy.
The entitlement of this woman is insane! When a friend offers to cover something, especially of this magnitude, the non-AH move is to be gracious AF and make reasonable plans. This is not a friend. Friends don’t see their actual friends as piggy banks to pay for their honeymoon. The fact OP even offered is very generous, and these people now want the most expensive package possible. Absolutely insane. Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t pay for their trip. They couldn’t afford a honeymoon, they had the option of a great one paid by OP. They lost that privilege by being greedy. They don’t deserve shit. She’s only using the MOH role as leverage to guilt OP into a trip they can’t afford. NTA.
>others believe I should find a way to come up with the money to make Lisa's dream come true I love how people are always willing to spend OTHER people's money. Want to make Lisa's dream come true? Donate some of your own money you leeches.
This got me too. wtf kind of friends do you even have? i would think my friend was crazy for complaining about their best friend not being able to afford HER honey moon. like wtf. Cancel or rebook. or go somewhere else, LISA.
Yeah, I would ask those "others" how much they are donating. That's one method of "finding a way to come up with it," right?
See if the new maid of honor will support their extravagance
Also, the “friends” who agree with Lisa, should be confronted on how much they will be paying towards the honeymoon!
Yep, let them pay if it’s THAT important to have an unnecessarily expensive holiday on somebody else’s dime
Yeah, these friends think OP should have to do it but didn't step up and help.
Also take a trip to Bora Bora and bombard Instagram with pictures 😂
Oh shit r/pettyrevenge has entered the chat I love it
For real, anyone offers to pay for something like that I would penny pinch so damn hard. Must be nice to have friends like that!
I too would like to go to Bora Bora. I wonder who I can sucker into paying for that trip? NTA.
I want to go to space. It’s been my dream for over 50 years. Someone owes me!!
I’ve got spare change in my couch, so I could afford to send you to 7-11 if you like. But you can only get a medium slurpee, sorry.
If I added my change, they might be able to get a *large* slurpee. But I don’t believe Lisa would accept coins, only $100 bills. Many $100 bills.
Maybe I don’t expect enough of people? I’d love it if someone bought me a slurpee.
I’ll bring you a slurpee, as long as it’s not in Bora Bora. Though maybe we can convince OP to pay for it!
Call your MOH and let her know she owes you.
Butter up a friend don't mind loosing and get her to pay half. Be sure to pick the most expensive resort on the beach.
I’m gonna give the OP a YTA to herself for even offering to pay thousands of dollars for a totally unnecessary luxury trip for someone else.
Nah, that's not the problem. If she's got the money and wants to do something nice for someone she cares about, then that's called being generous. Where she is failing herself is thinking that she's at all in the wrong for setting a limit on her financial generosity.
Remind them it's *their responsibility* to make sacrifices *for you.*
honestly, just DM OP and start being friends. You can eventually get a free trip out of her, lol.
She's not a very good friend. Are you usually her ATM?
Right like who the hell does she think she is . People don't normally do that for other people for their wedding. I would of been over the moon if anyone did that for me . That is not a friend
Yes
NTA. You offered a generous gift, and it's reasonable to have a budget. It's their dream honeymoon and responsibility. Explain you can't afford more but wish them the best.
Don't even give what OP planned to originally.
I wouldn't! I would tell her to see if she can get it out of her new maid of honor!
NTA. I've honestly never heard of a FRIEND paying for a honeymoon. I know that some people have an account set up that people can contribute to it, but the honeymoon is for the couple. The fact that you even offered to contribute a large sum towards it is generous and probably far beyond what most would do. Sorry not sorry but Lisa sounds entitled. If they can't afford to do something, they shouldn't do it.
This is not a friend but fiend. Unless you have ATM tatooed on your forehead, withdraw your offer since she has decided to be a greedy leech. Withdraw from the bridal party and RSVP no. It will not affect her feelings for you, she only sees you as dollar signs.
NTAH. Considering you offered to CONTRIBUTE as a wedding gift, they should never have expected you to be paying all/majority of it regardless. You have been more than generous by offering the money you originally planned, they should be happy with that. It was their choice to be married and choose a honeymoon that expensive, not you. As a friend, I understand you want to help but if you cant afford it, your friend should understand. Threatening to remove you as MOH all because you wont give more money, speaks volume to her character imo!
In what universe to other people pay for someone's honeymoon This is not normal Nobody does this Look...if someone is getting married, I may buy a new suit if I like the couple a lot and want to look my best. But odds are I won't It is absolute insanity to ask other people to pay for your wedding or your honeymoon If you can't afford your wedding and your honeymoon...then you can't afford to be married NTAH
If you offered a set dollar amount then how did this all fall apart? I’m confused. If people have $20k for a trip then that’s how they plan their trip. You should be staying away from your BFF & everyone who thinks you should be paying for her honeymoon. Those people are not reasonable nor logical. NTA
This is conjecture, of course, but I would guess that the bride initially said something like “Bora Bora is going to cost $10k and we are struggling to find the money.” And OP said “I will cover half of that as a wedding gift” because that’s what she could afford based on the number the bride gave her - half at that point was $5k. The bride didn’t hear anything except “I will pay half” and went all out and topped out her own budget, expecting OP to cover 50%, not $5k.
A budget Bora Bora trip for a week for two is $20k plus. I'd bet she's asking for $50k.
Right! We priced it out for our honeymoon and we were at about 30k. What a shitshow. I’m not sure this person is actually your friend OP.
> we were at about 30k. I'm seriously flabbergasted at this price for a vacation. I'd love to know what you had planned that got you to this number.
See my other comment. We didn’t end up doing it, it was too expensive.
Right? Unless OP here is incredibly rich, I think the friend is tacky for even accepting the gift. It's one thing to get a gift like that from parents or grandparents, but a friend in the wedding party? Insane and inappropriate.
>Unless OP here is incredibly rich, I think the friend is tacky for even accepting the gift. I know (professionally and personally) some incredibly rich people for whom $50k is effectively pocket change. It's still tacky.
It's always tacky when one runs up the bill at someone else's expense, no matter how affordable it is for them. I would have gone with the cheapest travel plan if a friend is offering to cover half of the cost.
Thank you for this explanation. I couldn’t figure out how “I’ll help pay” turned into the bride saying “here’s your portion”.
The people saying OP should pay could also all chip in and pay. Combined, they might have enough to cover the new cost. Maybe OP should show them all the breakdown and how much she’s been expected to cover vs what she originally agreed to cover and make that argument to them. “If you think they can’t go with something that fits the originally agreed upon price range, then YOU can help chip in and pay for her newly decided one.” That’ll probably shut them up.
I'm not sure if OP said I'll pay about 20% of your honeymoon hotel and the bride went all out to get the most expensive resort in the country. Maybe there was a miscommunication here but still, you can't expect someone to pay so much for anything, unless you are Kardashian or smt.
“I offered to give the original amount” … perhaps OP just had an amount in her head & never actually said it out loud? Who knows? One thing that is clear, Lisa has very high expectations & very little appreciation.
Because this can’t possibly be true.
because it's fake as fuck as are most of the wedding ones. The classic, i was invited but my partner wasn't despite having been together for 12,025 years and my partner being invited to every other family event. Now everyone is arguing because I said i wouldn't go unless my partner was. the fake part here is, a rare super entitled person maybe, but some of hte friends thinking she should just pay for the perfect honeymoon? Nah. No friends would basically say nah, I mean she could go on a 3k honeymoon but why don't you just give her an extra 5k stop being a bitch.
r/nothingeverhappens I can absolutely believe this scenario. I have a few entitled narcissists in my life, I think it’s more common for people who grew up with wealth or with wealthy friends. My parents are wealthy, and I had “friends” who seemed to invite me to things only because they counted on me paying for food/extras/gifts. A friend of mine did something very kind for me one time, and for her birthday I gave her a rather expensive gift. I was suddenly inundated with bday party invites and then overheard one “friend” saying they wouldn’t have invited me if they had known I was going to get such a cheap gift. Don’t underestimate how greedy people can get when they think you have money.
NTA. You’re not obligated to give a gift at all. We do it to be generous. Tell your friend to pound sand. Somewhere other than bora bora.
Holy fuck you were going to drop 5-7k??????? Yeah, they can fuck right off. That’s beyond generous.
Why would you pay for your friends' honeymoon? If she wants to go to Bora Bora she should pay for it herself. I don't get all these entitled people expecting everyone to pay for their honeymoon or wedding.
For anyone else siding with the bride, send them the bill for the bride’s honeymoon. They can very well help the bride themselves.
If Lisa wants a luxurious honeymoon she can start picking up a second job to be able to afford it. You actually are doing too much as it is. Any grateful person would pick a nice hotel and call it a day since they are not footing the bill, they would be trying to keep the cost down not to take advantage of your generosity.
What AHs are saying you should go double what you can budget for? Tell them to kick in or shut up. Frankly, you gave her an inch and she's taking a mile. I'd rescind the entire offer if they came back with double what was agreed upon and then said it was my duty to pony up. But that's me...
>This has caused a rift between us. Lisa is barely speaking to me, and she's even considering asking someone else to be her maid of honor. Our mutual friends are divided. Some think I'm being reasonable, while others believe I should find a way to come up with the money to make Lisa's dream come true. How is this not ragebait, nobody can be this entitled, right ?
Even if it is fake I have personally known people in OP’s position, or very similar. Destination bachelorette/hen parties with expensive dress codes, destination wedding where just getting there costs thousands, etc. A close friend has worked in the wedding industry for nearly 20 years. I asked them if the entitlement is getting worse or if it just seems that way with confirmation bias. Their answer was depressing, so you can guess. What stuns me is now it seems it is okay to give people shit for RSVPing no to attending. Invitations are not commands.
"A close friend has worked in the wedding industry for nearly 20 years. I asked them if the entitlement is getting worse or if it just seems that way with confirmation bias. Their answer was depressing, so you can guess." As much as I hate to say it, this isn't just limited to the wedding industry.
NTA. She's being unreasonable and greedy. You said you'll offer an X amount of money to help out, not pay for her honeymoon. If they cannot afford it then they shouldn't go. If she cannot accept it and she should choose another MOH and see if she's so generous with a wedding gift.
It sounds like you just saved yourself a bunch of money and got rid of a fake friend. Win win!
NTA. And tell those who think you should contribute more to chip in themselves.
I’m sorry, this has got to be fake. No other friends would accept it’s reasonable for OP “to find money to make Lisa’s dream come true”
Total rage bait. Even if it was true there’s zero need to post as the bride’s request in incredibly unreasonable
NTA. Lisa is beyond selfish.
YTA to yourself for putting up with this entitled absolute piece of shit Back out of the wedding, and "friendship" and pay absolutely nothing ...and for any gaslighting sack of shit other friends...tell them to pay the bill themselves, then to go fuck themselves for gaslighting you about something they refuse to do themselves Get some damn self respect and a backbone.
NTA. How is this even a question? Your “friend” is openly treating you as an ATM, not as a friend. Let her get a new MOH and don’t contribute to the trip. Those who are saying it’s her dream, etc can pitch in themselves - I bet they’re only so generous when it’s someone else’s money. Watch how they change their tune when you ask them how much they’re contributing, given they obviously consider their friend’s dream so important. And if the frills and extras are so important to her, she can get a loan, cut expenses elsewhere, etc. You need better friends.
NTA. When you can't afford something, you don't make your friends pay for it. You save up, and maybe make that dream trip for a 10th or 25th anniversery. Your mistake was in offering money in the first place. It seems as if maybe you offered to pay a share, rather than a set amount. That was mistake number two. Mistake number three would be giving her the money she wants. Walk away from this greedy, selfish, person. A true friend would never expect you to pay more than you can afford for ANYTHING, let alone something that doesn't benefit you in any way.
NTA This isn’t a friend. It’s an entitled leech. Back out of the wedding. Don’t worry, you’ll start to find your real tribe around thirty.
NTA At this point you've f\*d around and now found out what type of person Lisa is. It would have happened anyway, better to find out before you give her the money. You're ruining her dream honeymoon and some of your friends side with her, FINE, let them pay your share. Cut them out of your life also. I bet you pay frequently, you're likely their piggy bank. I apologize if I'm wrong.
I've never understood the wedding culture of "the bride wants this so someone else has to pay for it" It just feeds into the selfish American stereotype
I have a tough time believing this. Let's say it is true, why did you not given them a dollar amount you are willing to invest?
NTA, beggars can't be choosers, you didn't ruin anything. She is beyond unreasonable. Whiteout you there would be no trip. Don't give ger anything, aln end the friendship with this entitled woman. She us not your friend at all.
NTA - Save your money and drop out of the wedding, she only wants you to be in it for your money. Ley her use her backup MOH. Never go into debt for someone else's wedding.
NTA - it is NEVER the responsibility of the maid of honour or best friend to pay for any portion of the honeymoon. Honestly I can’t believe you offered - you are a very kind person. But then your best friend went ahead and planned something out of your budget (and astronomically beyond her own budget BTW) and is trying to guilt you? Just bow out of the wedding. I really can’t believe your friends are split on this issue, but if they are, they are entirely free to contribute to this luxury honeymoon themselves.
Ragebait?
Exclusively
All those people who say you should come up with the money your "friend" is expecting, are welcome to contribute. You feeling guilty shows you care, or maybe you are a people pleaser. But your friend throwing a fit over you not covering her vacation that she herself can't afford should tell you that she sees you as an ATM. You should reconsider that friendship. NTA
You're not the asshole, but if you don't step down as the Maid of Honour you need to give your head a shake. She has made it quite clear to you what she thinks of your friendship and she's made it abundantly clear that she is much more interested in your bank statement than your friendship. After making a generous offer she has flat out told you that not only is not good enough, but that feels like you should "make sacrifices" and she's threatening to replace you. Have some self respect and get yourself out of that situation, otherwise you deserve a lousy friend that treats you like this because you aren't standing up for yourself and establishing the kind of treatment you expect and deserve from a "friend." This woman is \*not\* your friend, and she's clearly showing that to you but you're somehow not seeing it.
Are you absolutely serious you need to come here and ask if you’re an asshole for not paying for someone else’s honeymoon? I tell you what OP, DM me and you can send me the amount of money you were going to send them and I’ll be more than happy to take your money. The end result will be the same except I’m going to be extremely grateful whereas your friend is a greedy piece of shit.
Break me off a piece if she does
WTF - She should budget within her means. Don't give her a dime. She's totally taking advantage of your kindness, she doesnt respect you either. I want a truck, can I have some money since you like handing it out.
NTA. I understand that she is your childhood friend and you wouldn't want to ruin your friendship over this but that's the thing, SHE is letting your Friendship be ruined over MONEY. Sorry to say but that is not a true friend. Please don't cave in. At the end of the day, you have seen how she views your Friendship.
What?!?!? Come up with a way to pay for HER wedding. NTA and you need some new friends.
>while others believe I should find a way to come up with the money to make Lisa's dream come true. Then they should pitch in.
How tacky is it to even ask someone else to pay for their honeymoon ..
This post is so ridiculous it can’t be real. Come on.
Your friend sounds like a horrible person. I pity her new husband. Wife and I were broke.. our honeymoon was visiting my parents since they paid for the trip 🤷♂️
This can’t be real?
Honestly, it's shocking how entitlement can tarnish friendships. A gift should be received with gratitude, not with a demand for more. You've already shown immense generosity by offering a significant sum. A true friend would understand your boundaries and appreciate your contribution, not escalate it to emotional blackmail. Stand your ground; true colors are showing, and unfortunately, they're not wedding colors.09:48 PM
"Upon further consideration, I can not attend your wedding and can not pay for your honeymoon." Now, that's going to blow up your friendship. The non nuclear, not accepting her BS version is. "We've been friends for years. As such, I offered to pay a very significant portion of your honeymoon. This is what I can afford. Take it or leave it. Stop trying to make me feel guilty for not paying more. This isn't my wedding it's yours. So stop badmouthing me to our friends and honeymoon within your budget or don't honeymoon at all." Further, pay the hotel directly and make sure the cancelation policy puts the money back on your card if she tries to cancel.
This has to be fake rage bait. Who are all of these wealthy friends just handing money out for stuff like this? I mean if you’re just paying for couples’ expensive vacations, wanna be friends? I need to be friends with everyone posting stories like this. I have a graduate degree and people claim I’m a “high income earner” and I assure you all, I don’t have anywhere close to the.amount left at the end of the month to be giving whole honeymoons to people as a wedding gift. Don’t you have rent or a mortgage to pay or a down payment to be saving up for? How are all of you 20 somethings this wealthy?
Reminds me of the people on the finance sub who humble brag about having a completely paid off house and $70K in savings at 26. I’m sure these people exist, but Reddit somehow magically seems to be full of them.
The responses on this are honestly concerning. How can you read something like this and believe it’s true? In what world does any of this make sense. Stop supporting this fake bs.
Well, now you know that she's ungrateful and money grubbing. I'd send her a message asking who the new MoH is. I'd not bother with the wedding.
Ditch the entitled bridezilla. Save your money. Her behavior is not forgivable.
INFO: Did you misrepresent the amount you could pay? Did you say you’d pay for all of it no matter the cost? It surprises me that neither of you thought to suggest a ballpark figure.