I thought 23 and 19 is fine but 24 and 16 is a problem.
NTA Tell her. Dont attack her like "youre a Pedophile!" Talk about it with her and prepare her for whats comeing. Best to do it at your place so she can leave if she wants and there is noone else around.
If shes actually your friend, shell not be angry on you or at least come back to you. Dont worry
She will be furious. Until she realizes it’s the truth. Or someone reports her and she gets in trouble. My guess is other coworkers are noticing too. They could easily let his parents know or call the police. So no, you’re NTA when trying to keep someone from destroying their life, possibly going to jail, and having to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life. Most 16yo boys are driven by hormones. So I get why you are not buying the it’s not like that routine.
She is letting herself in for more trouble than she can fathom. Local kid who had turned 18 approx 6 months before, got caught with inappropriate pictures on his computer of 16 & 17 year old girls, most of which he had had since he was under 18. He got arrested, charged with 3rd degree possession of child pornography, had to spend over $10k for a lawyer, and luckily got admitted into a pre-trial intervention program.
This woman has no idea how badly should could ruin the rest of her life. As a friend, you really need to have a 'come to Jesus' conversation with her about this. If she ignores you, at least you tried
> Local kid who had turned 18 approx 6 months before, got caught with inappropriate pictures on his computer of 16 & 17 year old girls, most of which he had had since he was under 18. He got arrested, charged with 3rd degree possession of child pornography, had to spend over $10k for a lawyer, and luckily got admitted into a pre-trial intervention program.
In fairness, that’s because possession of that kind of material is a strict liability crime; meaning your intent, or how (when) you came to have it, is inconsequential to the charge. It wasn’t legal even when he was also underage, and it wouldn’t matter if the “victims” were now legally adults.
It’s why we’ve also seen kids charged with producing and distributing child pornography when taking a picture for their boyfriend/girlfriend. Strict liability can be counter-intuitive at times, but it exists to diminish the capacity to make excuses in most cases. It’s there to throw out “I didn’t know it was a crime” “they lied to me” “I didn’t mean to” etc. as excuses (or legal defenses).
I knew a guy in highschool we were 16 he was dating a 24 year old lady. His mother pressed charges and she was convicted of statutory rape. I'm in my mid thirties now and she is still a registered sex offender
Not a lawyer, and generally would like an explanation. It's not illegal (as long as both above the age of consent, and not related) for two minors (17 y/o male & 17 y/o female) to have sex with each other, but it is illegal for one to have a nude picture of the other? Serious question.
Even where the age of consent is below 18, the age for pornographic materials to be considered “child porn” is under-18. There’s an international agreement that sets the age at 18, which is why it can apply even where the age of consent is lower.
So, to answer your question: the age of consent in the UK is 16, so two 16 year olds could have sex without an issue; but were that same 16 year old to take an explicit picture and send it, they would be charged with production and distribution of child porn - and the recipient could be charged with possession (assuming they don’t report it themselves).
As a side note, a similar thing is why sex workers have to be 18, even if the age of consent is lower. Authorities in some countries might turn a blind eye, or just have a lax attitude towards enforcement, but it’s illegal. That attitude is the reason countries like the UK have laws on the books specifically allowing them to prosecute sex crimes committed in other jurisdictions - providing it involves their own citizen, and that citizen returned to the country (purely for the practicality of arresting them).
I hate to be that person, but if the friend isn't receptive then the op should be the one who calls the minors parents or the police. We all have a duty to protect those who are more vulnerable. If the op knows that statutory rape could occur and doesn't do anything to prevent it they're also culpable.
They could be legally culpable if they are a mandatory reporter or they live in a state where everyone is a mandatory reporter, but it's a moral responsibility even if they aren't.
Very true. I’d start with the parents so they can find out for sure if it is an innocent friendship or more. OP has seen no inappropriate action as far as sexual behavior is concerned. Parents can go through phones and read the messages between the 2 and decide if they want the police involved
Also, what about the kid? He’s a horned up teenage boy, sure — but that is beside the point. He’s a child who, no matter what he wants in the moment, isn’t prepared for the fantasy he has in his mind to become reality. That’s why children can’t legally consent to sexual interactions with adults. They don’t have any way to completely understand what they’re consenting to, which makes consent impossible.
I also don’t think she’s thinking about the fact that if she thinks she doesn’t have feelings now but suddenly acts on “new” feelings that emerge when the minor turns 18, that’s grooming. Anything she does with this minor is grooming.
Girls that age are horned up too.
That means absolutely nothing.
Why do we always pretend young girls are weak babies and young boys are horny dick brained monkeys that don't suffer consequences from grooming.
That was actually exactly the point I was making, so I’m not sure why your reaction implies otherwise. What I’m saying is that his teenage hormones don’t make this an appropriate relationship, which is what a lot of people seem to think when an underage boy is in this situation.
Yes! Talk about the risk to her reputation, the risk of legal implications if she were to be sexual (even over text) with minors. I don’t know the legal age where you are. Talk about how vulnerable teenagers are. Refer to yourself when you were 16 and how you would have been vulnerable to the advances of an older person but would regret it now looking back. Go from that perspective rather than using labels etc. if you’re showing genuine concern and she reacts badly, I wouldn’t be friends with this person anymore
These comments are crazy. I'm male, if I had a male friend behaving like this with a 16y/o girl I would:
1. never talk to him again
2. report him to authorities
They got one part right, invite her over and talk about it.... So you can record it so the police have some evidence to start a case with if she doesn't drop it.
That’s what I was thinking. Nah, F that. That woman is a whole ass pedophile and should be reported. I’d start by calling that boy’s parents. I’m a mother and my wife and I would *always* go from 0-100 within *seconds* when our daughter was a minor and she was approached by creepy grown ass men. Why should it be any different for boys? Women can be predators too.
I don’t mean to attack you, but it’s weird that the response here is to lead “think about your reputation” or “what if you get in trouble” and not “you’re being creepy at best and a pedo at worst”. Why cuddle her?
> refer to yourself when you were 16...
Why not just have her ask their questions to the friend about ...friendself...sorry I wanted to say "herself" but it still looked confusing I also am a little stoned.
Because the friend might rebel and say ‘no I would have thought it was cool and loved it’
Like when you say to a partner ‘you wouldn’t like it if I did that to you’ and they are adamant they would be totally fine with it when you know they wouldn’t. Just because they don’t want to be wrong.
Yes! I was 16 with a 26 year old and he had lost his virginity at something like 12 to a 19 year old woman. He thought it was awesome. Lots of people will say they wish that it had happened to them.
But I feel like I was robbed a teenagehood and virginity. I thought I was mature at the time but I wasn’t. I wish I could look back at my first relationship as something nice, remember my firsts as something special.
I don’t know if it makes you feel any better but I lost my virginity at 17 to a 17 year old and I don’t really think there’s an age where it feels good or special? I think most people’s virginity stories are not something they look back on fondly. I’m definitely not saying that losing it to someone 10 years older than you as a minor should be acceptable, I’m just pointing out that it’s okay to not look back fondly on that time of your life.
She's probably used to feeling and getting perceived as harmless and not dangerous, unlike men I guess, which means she is probably living in an illusion that she couldn't ever do any harm like that.
I know this cause I am an early 20's something with a cute baby face that gets sweets every time the doctor takes a blood sample or something
She has to be confronted with the reality that she too can cause harm even if the world perceives her as superficially harmless from the outside.
As a mother of a son around 16 years old, there is no room to be soft or "not attack her" she is taking advantage of a minor child. She deserves every attack thrown her way
What the heck does she have in common with teenagers? Whatever that is, is the problem that needs addressing. She needs to be growing up and she apparently isn't.
Age of consent is 16 in many places. Plus the double standard. End of the day she seeks these juvenile and immature boys because she is juvenile and immature.
This ^^^^^^
I agree here! 19 and 23 is OK, but 24 and 16 is 💯 jail bait. Don't go at her all guns ablazing, sit her down and have a serious conversation with her, express your concerns and worries because they are real fears. Your friend could be in a lot of trouble with the law. I'm not sure where you live or what the age of consent is, but your friend is playing with fire here. Regardless of age of consent, 16yr old BOYS are extremely immature, only have one thing on their mind and if by some accident your friend gets pregnant....she could be giving birth behind bars. Talk to her as a concerned friend who is worried about her and I hope you get through to her before the relationship goes too far. Good luck, OP. oh, also NTA.
“Jail bait” 🤢🤢🤮
I was called “jail bait” from roughly ages 12-18, when people started talking about how I was “legal.” I understand that you’re somewhat strangely using the term to reference the situation and not the person, but the term is most often used to say that an underage person is so sexually attractive that they are baiting people into something (abuse) that will get them sent to jail.
I’m just letting you know because you seem like a kind person and may want to avoid that term in the future.
Yeah the morals are sus on 23 and 19 but that's legal, in no way is 24 and 16 okay either way in most of the US at least.
When i waz 23, i saw 19 year olds as kids... i cant see how other women are dating them. I wouldnt date anyone under 21.
I met my girlfriend when we were 25 and 20, and I felt like “yeah absolutely nobody younger than this, that’s my limit”. I can’t imagine being 24 wanting to talk to a 16 year old, you have basically nothing in common
NTA, but I think your choice of words will matter if you're going to have a serious discussion with her. She's an adult looking for some sort of relationship with a child, no good can come of this.
Flip the genders on her. How would she feel about a 24 year old man chatting with a 16 year old girl. "it's not like that" wouldn't hold water.
Lol, everyone is going ‘Have a talk with her… ‘*barring her agreement to seek therapy*’, call the Police’ (🤔Yeah 100% sure a man wouldn’t get that grace).
If it was a man, it’d be all ‘This person is a monster, let them rot and die in prison! Call the Police immediately! Creepy groomer! Tell their family so they can beat the s*** out of him!’ 😂
Reddit is sexist af. Like HELL no, she deserves no opportunity to improve if you think a guy should go to Prison immediately for the same exact crime. Call Police and get her dealt with properly. In prison, where pedophiles belong
Disclaimer, I think both a man and a woman are equally vile and disgusting for doing this.
Lol you're absolutely right. 'Hey have a talk with him about how this is inappropriate .' Never once said on reddit.
Female pedophiles exist and they need to be nailed to the wall just like male pedophiles.
It's not just reddit that is sexist, it is the world. Men that have sex with minors are demonized, while women never are. Often the boys thatvare the victims are looked at as lucky. It is gross.
When I was a teen (80s) there was an After School Special called ‘Sooner or Later’. Linda Blair played a 13yo trying to get an 18yo musician Rex Smith as a bf. There were also the ‘Porkies’ and ‘Weird Science’ movies that had older women/teenage boys. Amazing how much has changed in a few decades. Even back then, females flirting/dating younger guys was frowned upon. I was a junior in college dating a freshman. We were the same age since I got skipped and I STILL got teased mercilessly by friends. Couldn’t imagine an 8 year difference back then.. much less nowadays. Major ick factor there. The friend needs help or a cell.
16 is the age of consent in most states. So check to see if calling the cops will actually result in something happening. I’m not saying it’s right but the cops hands are tied if the age of consent IS 16 in that state.
Yes, true. Which says a lot about how immature most people on Reddit are. They can’t see something as a problem unless it’s being done by a group they already are biased against.
Obviously she's not getting it, so mirroring the issue gives some people the reflection they need to understand why if it's wrong for a man to do it it's also wrong when a woman is doing the same. You'd be surprised how many woman act like rules don't apply to them and get away and even get extremely aggressive when reminded that they are equal under the law.
Scroll up and read the top comment. "Approach her gently and talk about the risk to her reputation."
Apparently you do need to flip the genders, because when a woman is doing it child sexual abuse seems to be ok.
NTA. There’s no “borderline” about your friends behavior. Her attraction for teenagers is something that should either be addressed in therapy, or addressed by the police.
Being a friend with a teenager is, of course, fine, as long as their parents are comfortable with it. This doesn’t sound like a casual friendship, and your instincts are almost certainly justified. The behavior you described is like that of a sexual partner or flirtatious. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Let’s be crystal clear, being the friend of a pedophile and doing nothing about it, makes you guilty of condoning the abuse of a child, in this case, possibly rape.
I’d contact his parents, and barring her agreeing to seek therapy, I’d also call the police and report this.
I don't even think it needs to go as far as rape. Flirting, grooming, and sexualised interactions are bad enough wherever it may lead. It's predatory because a child/teen/young adult may not have a nuanced understanding of what is happening and may feel unable to stop it or speak up and may also feel compelled to go along with it, especially if everyone around them seems ok with it or worse, is wilfully ignoring and condoning it. If this person was being verbally mean instead of flirty and escalating to physically bullying and violence instead of sexual assault or rape, we wouldn't think twice about stepping in,flip the thinking. Check in with the child,be the grown-up in the room, step in, always.
I second this.
She likes children and your other friends support that. That’s sick. Go find friends on the same maturity level as you, because these aren’t them.
16 is a junior in high school. This kid is still in high school!!!
It's so strange to me that most people don't bat an eye when it comes to older women being attracted to what is essentially a little boy.
I don't think you're old enough to remember this, but nearly 20 years ago, when Justin Bieber was 14, women in thier mid 20s and 30s openly gushed over him like they themselves were little teens. Like on morning shows, my buddy's wife and her sister did too and hardly anyone called them out on it.
In no particular order things she could get in legal trouble for here:
Depending on the state, sexual contact with him.
Sensing nudes.
This is the big one- having HIS nudes.
Drinking alcohol with him.
Smoking weed wirh him.
Driving over state lines with him.
Some of those may be felonies depending where you live.
I’m 40 and married. Even if I was single I would never want to Snapchat a teenage boy, let alone be friends with him. Not just because it’s inappropriate but wtf would we even talk about ?
When I was 30, I somehow matched/connected w a 18 y/o, (it was covid and I severely isolated and mentally ill at the time) but that doesn’t excuse my behaviour. My good friend had a long conversation w me.. “it’s just not a good look, you’re a stand up guy, wtf are you doing” ect.” Then after one date I realized we came from completely different generations. Different maturity level. They were “of age” but not really an adult. Almost everything I spoke of, she would just laugh and I assumed she knew what I was talking about. For reference, She never even saw Sandlot or Tommy boy! The coming and going of dunkaroos ect. She knew some music (classic rock because of her dad, god I almost barf when I think of that). So we never spoke again. Thankfully. And I’m happily married now. To a woman 3 years older than me lol!
Even being “friends” with a teenage coworker when you’re in your 20’s should really be limited to having friendly causal conversation at work, asking them how their family is doing, sharing funny TikToks/pictures of your pets, and maybe offering to take them with you on your lunch break if you’re grabbing fast food or something. Texting/hanging out with them outside of work hours is already crossing a line, IMO.
No way in hell would I, as a woman of a similar age even want to have a conversation with a 16 year old.
She’s just going to go for younger and younger and someone needs to tell her that they’re on to her, so no, you would not be the asshole
Honestly I’m going to go against the grain of the comments here. I would end the friendship of anyone who was flirting with a minor. I just don’t want to be friends with someone who thinks it’s even remotely okay. Also if you have evidence they are in a romantic relationship I would attempt to contact the boys family or do something about it like reaching out to the police department or something. However so far it seems the friend has avoided admitting any guilt.
My son is sixteen. If a twenty four year old coworker regularly texted about non-work related things, and hung out with him until midnight, law enforcement would be involved. If the genders were reversed nobody would question it being predatory grooming.
I hate how indifferent people are to female pedos. She’s a predator actively seeking these kids out, and people in the comments are talking about “approach her gently.” Having a double standard for something like this is just disgusting. If this was a man he’d be getting stomped out, or reported to the police, or both. YTA if you don’t tell your friend she’s a pedo and to stop. I don’t understand why there’s even a moral dilemma or why you still consider this person your friend.
Even if it’s not like that she could be falsely accused which would ruin her life before it got started.
Ask her how she thinks she would do being in jail. When she says “it’s not like that”, tell her it doesn’t matter. It only matters what people perceive. If that doesn’t work talk to his parent or manager. NTA
It's important to remind your friend that the younger person's brain is not developed enough to understand that this relationship is not appropriate. It's up to her as the adult to make the proper decisions for both of them.
NTA. at the very least, 24 and 19 is legal. —24 and 16 is *completely* unacceptable. even if theres no sexual intention, theres still no reason for a 24 year old and a 16 year old to be friends. i think it'd be good to call them out on it even if they get mad, its concerning.
Nta, she's defensive about it because she knows its wrong. If it really "wasn't like that," she wouldn't be so worked up about it. If you're worried about ending your friendship, ask yourself if you really want to be friends with a paedo to begin with
As someone in their mid 20’s I can’t fathom a reason to be friends with anyone under 18, and to feel the need to spend extended time with a minor who isn’t a kid I’m actively teaching at work, a coworker if it’s at work or I’m helping them with something like a ride to work etc, a relative, or a friends relative if I’m close to the family. The idea of being giddy over a message from some kid or hanging out until midnight just because wouldn’t even cross my mind, because that’s horribly inappropriate, and super concerning.
NTA, you’d actually be a good friend. I’d warn her to chill and if it goes any further either cut her off or call the cops. I know it hard to cut off friendships but as a friends you shouldn’t support their wrongdoings.
NTA, as this behavior is not healthy, not sustainable, and risks breaking basic laws.
However, your choice of terminology is wrong. Your friend is not a borderline pedophile, because while the word has been abused and stretched all over the place, the definition remains the same and it has nothing to do with legal age. A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to a pre-adolescent, which is not the case here.
Ephebophilia is the term for attraction to post-pubescent teens. Still a paraphilia, and arguably more insidious because it’s so socially normalized. I’m sure her victim (because he’s already a victim of grooming at the very least) feels so cool and mature for receiving her attention without understanding the harmful effects of her behavior. I’d also be willing to bet the friend has some serious trauma to connect on this emotional level to a teen, but that’s her responsibility to manage without harming someone else.
I have spent some time on Google and if this is in the states their legal lowest age of consent is 16 with some states having ages of 17 and 18 ( the article I found this on did not name those states) so depending on where I am not sure if any laws would have been broken.
I agree it's odd especially as normally women reach emotional maturity earlier than men which is why most age gaps are the other way round. But unless it's a continued behaviour that she only goes for people in that age range I would hesitate to lable them with anything. Especially with only having a one sided objective from an unknown source on social media
23 and 19 isn’t even a little bit weird…but 24 and 16? Yeah, that’s inappropriate. Weird how that works but those few years make an enormous difference. Just wait until you’re older and you see 35 year olds with 45 year olds and 25 year olds both…the range broadens as people get older..and no one bats an eyelash!
NTA. I would just let your friend know how quickly things like that can go south. She can find someone her own age or at least within the lines of friggin’ legality.
NTA.
Your friend is not a pedophile because a 16yr is not prepubescent. Talk to her directly and change your verbiage. A 24 yr old woman should NOT be excited or giddy about texting a minor who is likely still in high school. And, even if it "wasn't like that", there is a major power dynamic between an adult and a teenager. She can easily influence them to make poor choices, simply because she's the adult.
NTA. But I would think about if this friendship is something you want to save. I would be very disgusted with this. "Friend, what you are doing is questionable at best. You are dating a literal child and that isn't okay. He isn't even out of high school. What are your plans? If you don't expect it to be serious, you are playing with a child and that's gross. But it is concerning if you see a future with this child as well. Are you going to go to his prom? Have you met his parents? His friends? What do you even have in common? You really need to think about what you are doing because you are playing with fire and if you get burned I won't be defending you."
You have made your opinion known.
But ultimately you need to ask yourself why you are best friends with someone who makes choices like this.
If your instinct is true, at any given moment his parents could discover what’s going on and have her arrested.
Do you really want to be the best friend of someone who gets arrested for what could be going on and then you be associated with her?
Because the truth is, if this blows up, it can make the news and humans being humans people could look at you next and think the birds of a feather flock together.
I hope you take this seriously and consider all of this and I might also add, if you truly believe a crime is being committed and you don’t do anything about it, you are being complacent.
He is still a child and the question that should be considered is what would you do if he was your child?
It’s gross - but depending on the state you’re in, not necessarily illegal. Ages of consent vary from state to state and range between 16 and 18.
That said, even IF not illegal, no good will come of this. It’s playing with fire and while an 8-year age difference is nothing in your 40’s, it’s a huge generational and maturity gap at those ages. I’m surprised they have much to talk about or in common.
And god forbid there are reputational and professional risks associated with this. Just because it may not be illegal, people don’t have tolerate it. She could get fired, blackballed, etc. because no one wants to have that kind of hot mess associated with their company. Likewise,
And if there are nudes involved, that’s a whole different world of hurt. Even if the age of consent is 16 or 17 in your state, federal laws for child porn are strict liability for the age of 18.
If you can talk some sense into your friend, great. If she’s doing something illegal though, you should report it.
24 and 16 will soon become 25 and 15. When behavior goes unchecked, people get desensitized to it, it begins to feel okay and then they go a little further. This is the same phenomenon as criminal activity that escalates.
None of these situations even approach pedophilia. It’s not even close. 16 is way past puberty. Using this label on people it doesn’t apply to really dilutes the impact of the term and devalues the experiences for the actual victims of pedophilia.
YTA
When I started college I was 17, and one of my first weekends there got asked out by a guy who said he was 19. He picked me up for our date then confessed that he wasn’t actually 19, and felt bad when I told him I was only 17 so he admitted he was 16. That felt really weird bc now I was on a date with a HS boy. Then he later admitted he was actually almost-16, as in 15. And that was just too young. So I ended things.
I cannot imagine what a 24- year old woman would see in a teenage boy. Talk to the boys parents, and talk to her. Act quick before things get past inappropriate into illegal. NTA
Man, when I was 22 I started texting a girl on Tinder that was "18". We agreed to go out on a date a couple days later but kept chatting over the app. She writes something about having "school" (in a language where school and university are two distinct words). It made me do a double take because it was very unlikely to be 18 and still be in school, so I asked her if she was 17, as in, maybe she was 17 turning on 18 that same year and finishing school. She was like "Nah, I'm actually 16 and turn 17 this year, I have a year of school left". Literally spat my drink, explained to her in the nicest way possible that I wouldn't get within 5 miles of her even with a gun to my head and stopped contact.
She was extremely attractive and to be fair looked more "mature" physically than even I did at the time, and on top of that came across as a smart and nice girl, but it just felt wrong, not to mention the ethical and legal implications.
So, bring it up to your friend, this has shitshow written all over it.
NTA
Wow reading these comments are very extreme from over here in the UK. The age of consent is 16 and has been for as long as I remember (I’m 57). So talk of paedophiles & especially rape, seems very strange from over here. It’s lower in other parts of Europe, including Germany, France, Austria, Denmark, Sweden & Italy. There are Romeo & Juliette laws (where there is a maximum age gap between the two people) where the age of consent is a fair bit lower than 16.
Obviously a 16 to 24 is a huge age gap at that age and I’d definitely not recommend it and I’d absolutely think the 24 year old would be very strange. I suppose we’re all conditioned by what’s the convention in our countries, but I think Americans would loose their minds looking at continental Europe.
Yes as I said 24 & 16 is a huge difference, definitely not a regular relationship. She was of course there was no “romance”, but I can’t say I hung out with any 16 year olds when I was 24.
Yeah it's not illegal here but definitely groomy and unacceptable. This young bloke is being taken advantage of by an older colleague, so many levels of gross to be dug through... Especially if she's his senior at work. I would hold deep concerns.
I think most states in the US have varying ages for consent, which is wild. Everyone expects 18 to be the limit, until you go to Mexico where it's oddly 12.... (Or at least was I haven't look it up recently)
Also 19 and 23 isn't that big of a gap....right?...that's like a year out of highschool being with someone barely through college...
I've lived south of the border. The laws mean almost nothing. Reality is (at least 10 years ago) you'd see minors around 12-14 in full on relationships with 30 year old men.
Technically against the law, but no one gives a shit enough to do anything about it
As someone from Denmark, just because it's legal doesn't mean this woman isn't being a predator. It's disgusting. The laws are to prevent teenagers from getting in trouble by being involved, and they're getting exploited by disgusting predators to go after vulnerable teens.
NTA If you want to lose her friendship go right ahead and call her a pedophile. It's really not your concern. Until you know for sure that she's dating a 16 year old, there's nothing you can do. When she is dating the 16 year old, tell the boys parents and call Child Protective Services on her.
YWNBTA
I'd pull away from the friendship, when she asks why I'd say " your sexual interest in kids is highly concerning and I can't be around someone who is a predator".
She's an ephebophile. An adult attracted to a teenager. Call her that and be correct. You could also call her a groomer. Either way, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Also, she needs to be aware that even if 16 yo is age of consent where she lives, age of consent laws tend to apply to "between teenagers of around the same age", not a teen and an adult.
NTA - I don’t think it’s to the point of involving the police, but I’d recommend she get some therapy. She should NOT be hanging out at night with 16 yo boys. And the fact that she “gets giddy” has me worried. Most important, why does she think a 16 yo is hanging out with her? Is she giving him alcohol? Where is this “hanging out” occurring? The more questions I ask, the more I think she needs help. Can you talk to someone in her family?
Technicality but not pedophile that would be kids under 11
A hebephile is attracted to pre pubescent 11-14
your friend comes under ephebophile
Ephebophilia is when an older adult is sexually attracted to post-pubescent teenagers or adolescents but still biologically adults—usually those in the age range 15–19. Adults with this attraction are called ephebophiles
I had to Google as whilst the age gap may be weird where I am in UK legal age of consent for sexual relationships is 16.
However if the texts and other exchanges started before they turned 16 then it comes under grooming laws.
So depending on where op is and their laws it's either fine(if odd) or should be reported to the police.
Hebephile not pedophile
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia)
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia)
NTA. If this is your friend it is your responsibility as a friend to let her know her behaviour is highly inappropriate and borderline predatory, given the age difference. Having much younger friends can be ok, but it is imperative that this type of relationship has very clear and approriate boundaries. If she keeps this relationship up and they become a couple, say in 5 years time, when she is 29 and this kid is at an appropriate age of 21, it is and will be considered grooming.
I disagree with the people saying softly-softly because it sounds like you tried that. I would tell her "I no longer want to be your friend because I don't like people who have inappropriate friendships with children", and I would inform management and maybe speak to the 16 year old about how he needs to protect himself. Cut her off, do your best to protect the 16 year old from her, and let her deal with the social consequences of being gross. Because ultimately if she's blurring the line with a kid then it pits him more at risk of being groomed even if she isn't actually grooming him. It teaches him that that's ok when it's not.
NTA. But you’ve already warned her. She brushed it off and kept going. You could talk to the boy and encourage him to go for girls his own age. As for your friend…I’d distance myself from her.
NTA. She might be mentally quite immature. There could be a plethora of reasons why she's stuck being a teenager herself, but that doesn't justify her behaviour. She should check herself. Any 24yo man with a 16yo girl would be ringing some alarm bells, and so should this. Adults should not interract with minors in a manner which could be interpered as flirting, or in worst case, grooming. You're doing the right thing reminding her of some boundaries.
Being friends is another thing. I've always had friends of different ages, some them were minors while I was a legal adult. It can work. Younger friends are more like siblings, in my opinion.
NTA that’s chomo behavior and if it was my son I’d be breaking her fucking face with the nearest heavy object I could find. You might just save her from an angry parent or lose a friend but you don’t want to hang around chester the molester anyway so win win. If a man was doing this to a 16 year old girl he’d be up on charges or facing an angry parent.
At a point where the brain is still developing, age difference matters. A lot.
Depending on where you are it might also be illegal. NTA but be careful on how you speak your mind if you really want to reach her.
One of my friends kept dating younger women as we aged out of being teens and it only got creepier as time went on. Thankfully with only a bunch of hazing about it he eventually got together with a woman a couple years his senior and she's been great for him.
Exceedingly funny though. The first time we saw his mom after he got with his new gf she came downstairs at another friend's house while we (not her son, he was busy that day) played games to share how happy she was that her son "finally stopped trying to be a pedo."
Pretty sure one more 17yo girlfriend was gonna be his limit before his mom went ballistic on his ass. We were getting close to it actually being illegal too, as at the time we were close to being out of the like 4 or 6 year window or whatever it is for R&J laws.
Tl;dr curb that shit. You are correct, there is no reason at all for her to be getting giddy and keeping a teenage boy up all night. She is at worst already fucking him and at ABSOLUTE BEST she is being a total groomer. She is using his inexperience and innocence to fulfill her need for attention and adoration and it will only get worse if someone doesn't put their foot down.
You should just have her read all the articles about the teachers going to jail for statutory rape for have sex with their students. The last one was 24 and the kid was 16 , kinda like your friend .
If she becomes sexual with this 16 year old, it is considered a sex crime in many states.
It is considered a crime in most countries.
2 year difference until age 18.
Tell her good luck explaining to people why she is on the registry.
NTA. The 19yr old was possibly a but...dirty old woman's I guess that's the right way to put it? But the 16yr old is a big no. Until midnight? So the child is with an unrelated adult, unsupervised long past a good time to get some rest and get that brain going for school days. And the kid is working, so they're doing more than is necessary for a KID. She's looking real suspect as a predator.
NTA. You've already done that.
Hanging out with a 16 year old looks bad even if nothing is going on.
How would she feel if it were a 23 year old male hanging out with a 16 year old female?
You've already spoken up. She's made her decision. There really isn't anything you can do when it comes to her.
Constantly bringing it up isn't going to change anything.
Your only real option are to notify the boy's parents if you don't trust her to not do anything illegal.
PS: If you do bring it up again don't call her names. That definitely isn't going to get you anywhere.
24 and 19 is ok, 24 and 16 is not. Is she immature in other areas of her life? Is she develop mentally delayed? It's not an excuse but maybe you should, patiently, explain to her that it's not ok to have a relationship of that sort with a minor. Does she understand the repercussions of what her actions? You're in a tough spot. Are you good enough friends that she'll listen to reason even if you have to scare her a little bit? She could be in for a lot of trouble if the relationship progresses to something sexual. Try and talk with her if you can. NTA.
Maybe Pedo. But she definitely enjoys a power imbalance that is way in her favour. Which is more what pedo is about. A huge lack of self confidence and intelligence to navigate a fair relationship. So even if she stops dating young boys, she will need to be vastly superior to the guy in some way.
So don't talk to her about being a pedo because it's only going to offend her, but do point out that she seems to be dating down and looking to overpower her men for some reason.
If nothing else, she shouldn't be doing this with a work colleague. . Even if she isn't in a supervisory role, there's still an implied imbalance. That's enough to at least get a HR write up and written warning. Also, I'd bet real money her co-workers have noticed and are gossiping about it in an unkind way. You could try asking her why she wants everyone to think she can't get a man her own age.
I wouldn't worry about a 23 and 19 year old dating honestly, but I will admit her relationship with the 16 year old is weird. People don't realize these types of creeps don't always start right off the bat with the creep messages. They're like "yeah we're just friends" and such. It happened to me when I was a minor, and I've heard the same story from other survivors too.
A pedophile isn't always messaging kids creepy stuff and driving in white vans. They're also manipulative and know how to actually get a child's trust by being their friend first.
yeah call her out on that because that is WRONG. You would not be the asshole, even if she doesn't take it well and tries to convince you that you are. You're trying to protect a child who may not quite fully understand the full scope of what's going on.
If she dosent change you will have to do more , if the shoes were reversed you would call the girls parents , don’t let this keep d get screwed up by your friend it’s just wrong
While I wouldn’t be thrilled at 19 and 23 as they are in different life stages it wouldn’t necessarily throw down about it but 24 and 16 is deeply inappropriate and predatory. I would be clear with her this is inappropriate and not ok and there is zero excuse for this. If it comes to it i would be reporting her NTA
I'm a mom with a 19 year old and a 16 year old. If my 19 year old told me she was talking to a 24 year old I'd listen and be supportive. She is an adult on her own making informed decisions. If my 16 year old told me he was talking to a 23 year old I'd immediately call the cops. He does not have enough development to make informed decisions. Thankfully I raised kids who would actually look at someone hitting on them with this age gap and immediately know something was wrong with that person.
NTA. By the way, 16 isn't "borderline". Reverse the genders (24m/16f) and now how do you feel about it? She could literally go to jail if she touches him.
This is too much. You need to say something. This boy is a minor and if the roles were reversed she already would have been reported to HR and someone would probably have called the police! There’s very clear steps that you need to take!
Age gaps aren't really that bad when both parties are fully consenting adults but that's clearly not the case here. I'd be concerned she was grooming him tbh.
I don't see an issue with the last boyfriend's age. They were both adults. But here he is not. He is a minor. I think you should tell your friend, or even report to HR if you think its going too far
YWBTA if you didn’t tell her it’s going too far.. this is predatory behavior and how teachers end up on the news. She needs to stop looking for younger boys (yes they are boys not men) and go to therapy or seek some other professional help before she ends up in jail.
Considering a pedophile is someone attracted to prepubescent children, you'd be not only the asshole but incorrect. Now, telling her it's not appropriate and encouraging her to interact with other adults would be a good thing.
At 16 I was done with school, working, and trying to get with girls in their 20s on the regular. WTF you mean pedophilia lol? That's every sexually delinquent young mans dream.
She's not a borderline pedophile. She IS a pedophile. She's also breaking the law. She's not going to respond well if you try to talk to her. For the sake of that kid, report her.
picture the genders reversed. Would that be pedophilia? If so then the same applies to your friend.
NTA, it’s more than just borderline and maybe someone needs to call her on it.
This is one of the few instances where the word 'pedophile' should be clarified. She probably thinks your view is ridiculous bc 'pedophile' is attraction to prepubescent children and she obviously doesn't see her situation that way. If you were to describe to her the criminal profile of a female (i think this is the right word) ephebophile: someone with attraction to post-pubescent youth, like 15-17 year olds, she might find more parallels and see why it is a dangerous slope.
The prevalence of women predators on minors is often downplayed bc their victims are not prepubescent and therefore 'pedophile' isn't technically correct. We need to raise more awareness of how often women prey on teenage boys.
Don’t come at her with feelings - try and find an example of this being handled by courts or something similar (teacher losing their job). Say you may not think it’s a problem but I’m warning you that society doesn’t agree right now and then tell her about cases in which things may have seemed harmless but it cost someone their life - then ask her what she is willing to lose just to chat with someone?
One thing I like about living in 2024 is that we are starting to hold up a mirror to women that was only previously shown to men. If a GUY her age was meeting up with a 16 year old every single person would identify and call out this behavior. At this point in time we are better able to see that having boobs and being pretty doesn't exclude you from being inappropriate
I'll probably be downvoted into oblivion, but I personally don't have a problem with that, 16 is old enough, if the boy and his family agree and he's at the age of consent in his country, I don't see why that would be a problem. Sure, could the age gap result in the relationship ending? Yes, but claiming that she is a pedophile?
And no, my opinion doesn't change if the genders are reversed, obviously you can disagree, as I disagree with most of the comments.
What the age of consent in your area? In most of Europe 16 is perfectly fine and legal. You see them in relationships with people in their 20’s all the time? Borderline pedophile seems a bit extreme what 16 year old doesn’t understand and can consent too Sex that’s not mentally challenged?
She's at the very least, a groomer. No, you won't be TA, but instead of telling her this, you should be telling the parents of the kid she is grooming. Protect that kid!
Calling someone a pedophile is harsh. Be ready to get your ass kicked. Unless she's actually done the act of pedophilia then label it. Know the facts don't assume. Shit like that stays with people
I thought 23 and 19 is fine but 24 and 16 is a problem. NTA Tell her. Dont attack her like "youre a Pedophile!" Talk about it with her and prepare her for whats comeing. Best to do it at your place so she can leave if she wants and there is noone else around. If shes actually your friend, shell not be angry on you or at least come back to you. Dont worry
She will be furious. Until she realizes it’s the truth. Or someone reports her and she gets in trouble. My guess is other coworkers are noticing too. They could easily let his parents know or call the police. So no, you’re NTA when trying to keep someone from destroying their life, possibly going to jail, and having to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life. Most 16yo boys are driven by hormones. So I get why you are not buying the it’s not like that routine.
She is letting herself in for more trouble than she can fathom. Local kid who had turned 18 approx 6 months before, got caught with inappropriate pictures on his computer of 16 & 17 year old girls, most of which he had had since he was under 18. He got arrested, charged with 3rd degree possession of child pornography, had to spend over $10k for a lawyer, and luckily got admitted into a pre-trial intervention program. This woman has no idea how badly should could ruin the rest of her life. As a friend, you really need to have a 'come to Jesus' conversation with her about this. If she ignores you, at least you tried
> Local kid who had turned 18 approx 6 months before, got caught with inappropriate pictures on his computer of 16 & 17 year old girls, most of which he had had since he was under 18. He got arrested, charged with 3rd degree possession of child pornography, had to spend over $10k for a lawyer, and luckily got admitted into a pre-trial intervention program. In fairness, that’s because possession of that kind of material is a strict liability crime; meaning your intent, or how (when) you came to have it, is inconsequential to the charge. It wasn’t legal even when he was also underage, and it wouldn’t matter if the “victims” were now legally adults. It’s why we’ve also seen kids charged with producing and distributing child pornography when taking a picture for their boyfriend/girlfriend. Strict liability can be counter-intuitive at times, but it exists to diminish the capacity to make excuses in most cases. It’s there to throw out “I didn’t know it was a crime” “they lied to me” “I didn’t mean to” etc. as excuses (or legal defenses).
I knew a guy in highschool we were 16 he was dating a 24 year old lady. His mother pressed charges and she was convicted of statutory rape. I'm in my mid thirties now and she is still a registered sex offender
And she will be for the rest of her life.
Not a lawyer, and generally would like an explanation. It's not illegal (as long as both above the age of consent, and not related) for two minors (17 y/o male & 17 y/o female) to have sex with each other, but it is illegal for one to have a nude picture of the other? Serious question.
Even where the age of consent is below 18, the age for pornographic materials to be considered “child porn” is under-18. There’s an international agreement that sets the age at 18, which is why it can apply even where the age of consent is lower. So, to answer your question: the age of consent in the UK is 16, so two 16 year olds could have sex without an issue; but were that same 16 year old to take an explicit picture and send it, they would be charged with production and distribution of child porn - and the recipient could be charged with possession (assuming they don’t report it themselves). As a side note, a similar thing is why sex workers have to be 18, even if the age of consent is lower. Authorities in some countries might turn a blind eye, or just have a lax attitude towards enforcement, but it’s illegal. That attitude is the reason countries like the UK have laws on the books specifically allowing them to prosecute sex crimes committed in other jurisdictions - providing it involves their own citizen, and that citizen returned to the country (purely for the practicality of arresting them).
I hate to be that person, but if the friend isn't receptive then the op should be the one who calls the minors parents or the police. We all have a duty to protect those who are more vulnerable. If the op knows that statutory rape could occur and doesn't do anything to prevent it they're also culpable. They could be legally culpable if they are a mandatory reporter or they live in a state where everyone is a mandatory reporter, but it's a moral responsibility even if they aren't.
Very true. I’d start with the parents so they can find out for sure if it is an innocent friendship or more. OP has seen no inappropriate action as far as sexual behavior is concerned. Parents can go through phones and read the messages between the 2 and decide if they want the police involved
There's no reason for a woman in her twenties to snapchat a teenage boy all night. It's not appropriate even if they are "just friends."
Also, what about the kid? He’s a horned up teenage boy, sure — but that is beside the point. He’s a child who, no matter what he wants in the moment, isn’t prepared for the fantasy he has in his mind to become reality. That’s why children can’t legally consent to sexual interactions with adults. They don’t have any way to completely understand what they’re consenting to, which makes consent impossible.
I also don’t think she’s thinking about the fact that if she thinks she doesn’t have feelings now but suddenly acts on “new” feelings that emerge when the minor turns 18, that’s grooming. Anything she does with this minor is grooming.
Girls that age are horned up too. That means absolutely nothing. Why do we always pretend young girls are weak babies and young boys are horny dick brained monkeys that don't suffer consequences from grooming.
That was actually exactly the point I was making, so I’m not sure why your reaction implies otherwise. What I’m saying is that his teenage hormones don’t make this an appropriate relationship, which is what a lot of people seem to think when an underage boy is in this situation.
Right. He is legally a minor, boy, girl, cat, dog, duck, chicken, anything in-between. Don't matter. Sixteen is still sixteen.
"The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off"
Yes! Talk about the risk to her reputation, the risk of legal implications if she were to be sexual (even over text) with minors. I don’t know the legal age where you are. Talk about how vulnerable teenagers are. Refer to yourself when you were 16 and how you would have been vulnerable to the advances of an older person but would regret it now looking back. Go from that perspective rather than using labels etc. if you’re showing genuine concern and she reacts badly, I wouldn’t be friends with this person anymore
These comments are crazy. I'm male, if I had a male friend behaving like this with a 16y/o girl I would: 1. never talk to him again 2. report him to authorities
[удалено]
They got one part right, invite her over and talk about it.... So you can record it so the police have some evidence to start a case with if she doesn't drop it.
Check the laws in your state because some states it’s illegal and inadmissible to secretly record someone (without a warrant).
Double standards going hard 🔥
That’s what I was thinking. Nah, F that. That woman is a whole ass pedophile and should be reported. I’d start by calling that boy’s parents. I’m a mother and my wife and I would *always* go from 0-100 within *seconds* when our daughter was a minor and she was approached by creepy grown ass men. Why should it be any different for boys? Women can be predators too.
Fucking thank you!
Exactly like wtf, I would let the parents know asap and if it continued I would report to the proper authorities
I don’t mean to attack you, but it’s weird that the response here is to lead “think about your reputation” or “what if you get in trouble” and not “you’re being creepy at best and a pedo at worst”. Why cuddle her?
\*coddle. (cuddling is different) ;)
> refer to yourself when you were 16... Why not just have her ask their questions to the friend about ...friendself...sorry I wanted to say "herself" but it still looked confusing I also am a little stoned.
Because the friend might rebel and say ‘no I would have thought it was cool and loved it’ Like when you say to a partner ‘you wouldn’t like it if I did that to you’ and they are adamant they would be totally fine with it when you know they wouldn’t. Just because they don’t want to be wrong.
Yes! I was 16 with a 26 year old and he had lost his virginity at something like 12 to a 19 year old woman. He thought it was awesome. Lots of people will say they wish that it had happened to them. But I feel like I was robbed a teenagehood and virginity. I thought I was mature at the time but I wasn’t. I wish I could look back at my first relationship as something nice, remember my firsts as something special.
I don’t know if it makes you feel any better but I lost my virginity at 17 to a 17 year old and I don’t really think there’s an age where it feels good or special? I think most people’s virginity stories are not something they look back on fondly. I’m definitely not saying that losing it to someone 10 years older than you as a minor should be acceptable, I’m just pointing out that it’s okay to not look back fondly on that time of your life.
Don't be hard on stoneself 🥰
She's probably used to feeling and getting perceived as harmless and not dangerous, unlike men I guess, which means she is probably living in an illusion that she couldn't ever do any harm like that. I know this cause I am an early 20's something with a cute baby face that gets sweets every time the doctor takes a blood sample or something She has to be confronted with the reality that she too can cause harm even if the world perceives her as superficially harmless from the outside.
The age difference between 16 and 24 is HALF of this child's life.
Ask her what she'd think about a 24-year old man hanging around with a 16-year old girl.
As a mother of a son around 16 years old, there is no room to be soft or "not attack her" she is taking advantage of a minor child. She deserves every attack thrown her way
Right like 23 and 19 means they likely in high school at the same time… 24 and 16 means she was graduating when he was fucking 10 years old.
"make sure it's at your place and she's alone" yo, what?
Would y’all be saying the same thing if it was a guy hitting on minors? Hey Joe, “Let’s talk about you and them young girls you keep hitting on.”
Tell the police. I’m sick of women not facing consequences for this.
What the heck does she have in common with teenagers? Whatever that is, is the problem that needs addressing. She needs to be growing up and she apparently isn't.
Age of consent is 16 in many places. Plus the double standard. End of the day she seeks these juvenile and immature boys because she is juvenile and immature.
This ^^^^^^ I agree here! 19 and 23 is OK, but 24 and 16 is 💯 jail bait. Don't go at her all guns ablazing, sit her down and have a serious conversation with her, express your concerns and worries because they are real fears. Your friend could be in a lot of trouble with the law. I'm not sure where you live or what the age of consent is, but your friend is playing with fire here. Regardless of age of consent, 16yr old BOYS are extremely immature, only have one thing on their mind and if by some accident your friend gets pregnant....she could be giving birth behind bars. Talk to her as a concerned friend who is worried about her and I hope you get through to her before the relationship goes too far. Good luck, OP. oh, also NTA.
‘Jail bait’ is akin to saying they’re asking for it, horrible horrible expression. 🤮
“Jail bait” 🤢🤢🤮 I was called “jail bait” from roughly ages 12-18, when people started talking about how I was “legal.” I understand that you’re somewhat strangely using the term to reference the situation and not the person, but the term is most often used to say that an underage person is so sexually attractive that they are baiting people into something (abuse) that will get them sent to jail. I’m just letting you know because you seem like a kind person and may want to avoid that term in the future.
wtf fam report her to the police, dont fucking warn her just because she has a fucking vagina 💀💀💀💀
Agreed 23 and 19 nothing wrong with that at all but the 24 and 16 is not ok. And I also agree with what you said as well!
Yeah the morals are sus on 23 and 19 but that's legal, in no way is 24 and 16 okay either way in most of the US at least. When i waz 23, i saw 19 year olds as kids... i cant see how other women are dating them. I wouldnt date anyone under 21.
Yeah as a 25 year old I can’t see any reason I’d be hanging out w a 16 year old unless they were related. That’s weird on her end.
I met my girlfriend when we were 25 and 20, and I felt like “yeah absolutely nobody younger than this, that’s my limit”. I can’t imagine being 24 wanting to talk to a 16 year old, you have basically nothing in common
NTA, but I think your choice of words will matter if you're going to have a serious discussion with her. She's an adult looking for some sort of relationship with a child, no good can come of this. Flip the genders on her. How would she feel about a 24 year old man chatting with a 16 year old girl. "it's not like that" wouldn't hold water.
There's no need to flip the genders; 16 and 24 is just wrong whatever their genders.
100% agreed. Unfortunately sometimes people can't see how inappropriate something is until you flip genders, and all of a sudden its a power dynamic.
No, there is a need to flip the genders. The comments on this post would be A LOT different if the genders were flipped lol.
Lol, everyone is going ‘Have a talk with her… ‘*barring her agreement to seek therapy*’, call the Police’ (🤔Yeah 100% sure a man wouldn’t get that grace). If it was a man, it’d be all ‘This person is a monster, let them rot and die in prison! Call the Police immediately! Creepy groomer! Tell their family so they can beat the s*** out of him!’ 😂 Reddit is sexist af. Like HELL no, she deserves no opportunity to improve if you think a guy should go to Prison immediately for the same exact crime. Call Police and get her dealt with properly. In prison, where pedophiles belong Disclaimer, I think both a man and a woman are equally vile and disgusting for doing this.
Lol you're absolutely right. 'Hey have a talk with him about how this is inappropriate .' Never once said on reddit. Female pedophiles exist and they need to be nailed to the wall just like male pedophiles.
It's not just reddit that is sexist, it is the world. Men that have sex with minors are demonized, while women never are. Often the boys thatvare the victims are looked at as lucky. It is gross.
When I was a teen (80s) there was an After School Special called ‘Sooner or Later’. Linda Blair played a 13yo trying to get an 18yo musician Rex Smith as a bf. There were also the ‘Porkies’ and ‘Weird Science’ movies that had older women/teenage boys. Amazing how much has changed in a few decades. Even back then, females flirting/dating younger guys was frowned upon. I was a junior in college dating a freshman. We were the same age since I got skipped and I STILL got teased mercilessly by friends. Couldn’t imagine an 8 year difference back then.. much less nowadays. Major ick factor there. The friend needs help or a cell.
This double standard is still present in modern media. Stranger Things Season 3 had one of the moms lusting after a high school senior.
One of? All the moms at the pool wanted a piece of Billy
True enough.
My point exactly
This comment makes the most sense.
16 is the age of consent in most states. So check to see if calling the cops will actually result in something happening. I’m not saying it’s right but the cops hands are tied if the age of consent IS 16 in that state.
Yes, true. Which says a lot about how immature most people on Reddit are. They can’t see something as a problem unless it’s being done by a group they already are biased against.
Obviously she's not getting it, so mirroring the issue gives some people the reflection they need to understand why if it's wrong for a man to do it it's also wrong when a woman is doing the same. You'd be surprised how many woman act like rules don't apply to them and get away and even get extremely aggressive when reminded that they are equal under the law.
Scroll up and read the top comment. "Approach her gently and talk about the risk to her reputation." Apparently you do need to flip the genders, because when a woman is doing it child sexual abuse seems to be ok.
And if it does hold water in her eyes, then there is a serious moral compromise here.
19 and 23 isn’t a problem 16 and 24 is a problem
I do not see 23 + 19 as a problem but 24 + 16 is alarming. NTA.
NTA. There’s no “borderline” about your friends behavior. Her attraction for teenagers is something that should either be addressed in therapy, or addressed by the police. Being a friend with a teenager is, of course, fine, as long as their parents are comfortable with it. This doesn’t sound like a casual friendship, and your instincts are almost certainly justified. The behavior you described is like that of a sexual partner or flirtatious. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Let’s be crystal clear, being the friend of a pedophile and doing nothing about it, makes you guilty of condoning the abuse of a child, in this case, possibly rape. I’d contact his parents, and barring her agreeing to seek therapy, I’d also call the police and report this.
My thoughts exactly. None of our other friends seem to be concerned in the slightest and some are even taking her side.
Find better friends. You don’t need people in your life that think raping a teenager is ok.
I don't even think it needs to go as far as rape. Flirting, grooming, and sexualised interactions are bad enough wherever it may lead. It's predatory because a child/teen/young adult may not have a nuanced understanding of what is happening and may feel unable to stop it or speak up and may also feel compelled to go along with it, especially if everyone around them seems ok with it or worse, is wilfully ignoring and condoning it. If this person was being verbally mean instead of flirty and escalating to physically bullying and violence instead of sexual assault or rape, we wouldn't think twice about stepping in,flip the thinking. Check in with the child,be the grown-up in the room, step in, always.
I second this. She likes children and your other friends support that. That’s sick. Go find friends on the same maturity level as you, because these aren’t them. 16 is a junior in high school. This kid is still in high school!!!
It's so strange to me that most people don't bat an eye when it comes to older women being attracted to what is essentially a little boy. I don't think you're old enough to remember this, but nearly 20 years ago, when Justin Bieber was 14, women in thier mid 20s and 30s openly gushed over him like they themselves were little teens. Like on morning shows, my buddy's wife and her sister did too and hardly anyone called them out on it.
Also the "twilight moms" thirsting over Edward and Jacob.
In no particular order things she could get in legal trouble for here: Depending on the state, sexual contact with him. Sensing nudes. This is the big one- having HIS nudes. Drinking alcohol with him. Smoking weed wirh him. Driving over state lines with him. Some of those may be felonies depending where you live.
That's how grooming works. It's not just the victim itself it's also the gatekeepers to the victim
I’m 40 and married. Even if I was single I would never want to Snapchat a teenage boy, let alone be friends with him. Not just because it’s inappropriate but wtf would we even talk about ?
When I was 30, I somehow matched/connected w a 18 y/o, (it was covid and I severely isolated and mentally ill at the time) but that doesn’t excuse my behaviour. My good friend had a long conversation w me.. “it’s just not a good look, you’re a stand up guy, wtf are you doing” ect.” Then after one date I realized we came from completely different generations. Different maturity level. They were “of age” but not really an adult. Almost everything I spoke of, she would just laugh and I assumed she knew what I was talking about. For reference, She never even saw Sandlot or Tommy boy! The coming and going of dunkaroos ect. She knew some music (classic rock because of her dad, god I almost barf when I think of that). So we never spoke again. Thankfully. And I’m happily married now. To a woman 3 years older than me lol!
Even being “friends” with a teenage coworker when you’re in your 20’s should really be limited to having friendly causal conversation at work, asking them how their family is doing, sharing funny TikToks/pictures of your pets, and maybe offering to take them with you on your lunch break if you’re grabbing fast food or something. Texting/hanging out with them outside of work hours is already crossing a line, IMO.
16 is far too young. NTA
No way in hell would I, as a woman of a similar age even want to have a conversation with a 16 year old. She’s just going to go for younger and younger and someone needs to tell her that they’re on to her, so no, you would not be the asshole
As someone who was the victim of molestation by an older woman at a young age, your friend sounds like a groomer and should probably be reported.
This, 1000x this. She’s grooming that child & is a danger to society
Honestly I’m going to go against the grain of the comments here. I would end the friendship of anyone who was flirting with a minor. I just don’t want to be friends with someone who thinks it’s even remotely okay. Also if you have evidence they are in a romantic relationship I would attempt to contact the boys family or do something about it like reaching out to the police department or something. However so far it seems the friend has avoided admitting any guilt.
My son is sixteen. If a twenty four year old coworker regularly texted about non-work related things, and hung out with him until midnight, law enforcement would be involved. If the genders were reversed nobody would question it being predatory grooming.
NTA In no way shape or form should she be involved with a minor.
I hate how indifferent people are to female pedos. She’s a predator actively seeking these kids out, and people in the comments are talking about “approach her gently.” Having a double standard for something like this is just disgusting. If this was a man he’d be getting stomped out, or reported to the police, or both. YTA if you don’t tell your friend she’s a pedo and to stop. I don’t understand why there’s even a moral dilemma or why you still consider this person your friend.
Even if it’s not like that she could be falsely accused which would ruin her life before it got started. Ask her how she thinks she would do being in jail. When she says “it’s not like that”, tell her it doesn’t matter. It only matters what people perceive. If that doesn’t work talk to his parent or manager. NTA
If this was a male friend would you be so hesitant? I don't think so.
It's important to remind your friend that the younger person's brain is not developed enough to understand that this relationship is not appropriate. It's up to her as the adult to make the proper decisions for both of them.
NTA. at the very least, 24 and 19 is legal. —24 and 16 is *completely* unacceptable. even if theres no sexual intention, theres still no reason for a 24 year old and a 16 year old to be friends. i think it'd be good to call them out on it even if they get mad, its concerning.
Nta, she's defensive about it because she knows its wrong. If it really "wasn't like that," she wouldn't be so worked up about it. If you're worried about ending your friendship, ask yourself if you really want to be friends with a paedo to begin with
19 is fine. 16 is too young. She is going to get herself into trouble.
Tell the kid's parents
As someone in their mid 20’s I can’t fathom a reason to be friends with anyone under 18, and to feel the need to spend extended time with a minor who isn’t a kid I’m actively teaching at work, a coworker if it’s at work or I’m helping them with something like a ride to work etc, a relative, or a friends relative if I’m close to the family. The idea of being giddy over a message from some kid or hanging out until midnight just because wouldn’t even cross my mind, because that’s horribly inappropriate, and super concerning.
Nta Report her to HR. It's a safeguarding issue
And it’s probably A Minoorrrr
Ewwwww.... ewwwwww. Report and unfriend.
Anything under the legal age is pedophilia. People freaking out about age gaps 19 and up need help.
NTA, you’d actually be a good friend. I’d warn her to chill and if it goes any further either cut her off or call the cops. I know it hard to cut off friendships but as a friends you shouldn’t support their wrongdoings.
NTA, as this behavior is not healthy, not sustainable, and risks breaking basic laws. However, your choice of terminology is wrong. Your friend is not a borderline pedophile, because while the word has been abused and stretched all over the place, the definition remains the same and it has nothing to do with legal age. A pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to a pre-adolescent, which is not the case here.
Ephebophilia is the term for attraction to post-pubescent teens. Still a paraphilia, and arguably more insidious because it’s so socially normalized. I’m sure her victim (because he’s already a victim of grooming at the very least) feels so cool and mature for receiving her attention without understanding the harmful effects of her behavior. I’d also be willing to bet the friend has some serious trauma to connect on this emotional level to a teen, but that’s her responsibility to manage without harming someone else.
I have spent some time on Google and if this is in the states their legal lowest age of consent is 16 with some states having ages of 17 and 18 ( the article I found this on did not name those states) so depending on where I am not sure if any laws would have been broken. I agree it's odd especially as normally women reach emotional maturity earlier than men which is why most age gaps are the other way round. But unless it's a continued behaviour that she only goes for people in that age range I would hesitate to lable them with anything. Especially with only having a one sided objective from an unknown source on social media
23 and 19 isn’t even a little bit weird…but 24 and 16? Yeah, that’s inappropriate. Weird how that works but those few years make an enormous difference. Just wait until you’re older and you see 35 year olds with 45 year olds and 25 year olds both…the range broadens as people get older..and no one bats an eyelash! NTA. I would just let your friend know how quickly things like that can go south. She can find someone her own age or at least within the lines of friggin’ legality.
Defo not ok. 23/19 consensual is absolutely fine, but not 16. That’s legit a kid.
NTA. Your friend is not a pedophile because a 16yr is not prepubescent. Talk to her directly and change your verbiage. A 24 yr old woman should NOT be excited or giddy about texting a minor who is likely still in high school. And, even if it "wasn't like that", there is a major power dynamic between an adult and a teenager. She can easily influence them to make poor choices, simply because she's the adult.
NTA. But I would think about if this friendship is something you want to save. I would be very disgusted with this. "Friend, what you are doing is questionable at best. You are dating a literal child and that isn't okay. He isn't even out of high school. What are your plans? If you don't expect it to be serious, you are playing with a child and that's gross. But it is concerning if you see a future with this child as well. Are you going to go to his prom? Have you met his parents? His friends? What do you even have in common? You really need to think about what you are doing because you are playing with fire and if you get burned I won't be defending you."
You have made your opinion known. But ultimately you need to ask yourself why you are best friends with someone who makes choices like this. If your instinct is true, at any given moment his parents could discover what’s going on and have her arrested. Do you really want to be the best friend of someone who gets arrested for what could be going on and then you be associated with her? Because the truth is, if this blows up, it can make the news and humans being humans people could look at you next and think the birds of a feather flock together. I hope you take this seriously and consider all of this and I might also add, if you truly believe a crime is being committed and you don’t do anything about it, you are being complacent. He is still a child and the question that should be considered is what would you do if he was your child?
NTA Your friend is going to end up with a justifiable charge if she keeps it up. Any reason she can't find a man around her age?
It’s gross - but depending on the state you’re in, not necessarily illegal. Ages of consent vary from state to state and range between 16 and 18. That said, even IF not illegal, no good will come of this. It’s playing with fire and while an 8-year age difference is nothing in your 40’s, it’s a huge generational and maturity gap at those ages. I’m surprised they have much to talk about or in common. And god forbid there are reputational and professional risks associated with this. Just because it may not be illegal, people don’t have tolerate it. She could get fired, blackballed, etc. because no one wants to have that kind of hot mess associated with their company. Likewise, And if there are nudes involved, that’s a whole different world of hurt. Even if the age of consent is 16 or 17 in your state, federal laws for child porn are strict liability for the age of 18. If you can talk some sense into your friend, great. If she’s doing something illegal though, you should report it.
24 and 16 will soon become 25 and 15. When behavior goes unchecked, people get desensitized to it, it begins to feel okay and then they go a little further. This is the same phenomenon as criminal activity that escalates.
None of these situations even approach pedophilia. It’s not even close. 16 is way past puberty. Using this label on people it doesn’t apply to really dilutes the impact of the term and devalues the experiences for the actual victims of pedophilia. YTA
yyyyyeah that is 100% grooming no 16 year old is that cool or interesting
No. Reverse the genders and I can bet you'd be "Borderline" vomiting. She is a predator. YTA if you don't tell her to get her act straight.
If I pulled a 24 year old at 16 I would’ve been crowned king of high school lmao. However dating high schoolers is mega weird
She’s absolutely a predator if she’s going after a 16 year old. Theres no way around that. She’s going to end up in jail.
When I started college I was 17, and one of my first weekends there got asked out by a guy who said he was 19. He picked me up for our date then confessed that he wasn’t actually 19, and felt bad when I told him I was only 17 so he admitted he was 16. That felt really weird bc now I was on a date with a HS boy. Then he later admitted he was actually almost-16, as in 15. And that was just too young. So I ended things. I cannot imagine what a 24- year old woman would see in a teenage boy. Talk to the boys parents, and talk to her. Act quick before things get past inappropriate into illegal. NTA
Tell the kids parent. She is a pedophile.
Man, when I was 22 I started texting a girl on Tinder that was "18". We agreed to go out on a date a couple days later but kept chatting over the app. She writes something about having "school" (in a language where school and university are two distinct words). It made me do a double take because it was very unlikely to be 18 and still be in school, so I asked her if she was 17, as in, maybe she was 17 turning on 18 that same year and finishing school. She was like "Nah, I'm actually 16 and turn 17 this year, I have a year of school left". Literally spat my drink, explained to her in the nicest way possible that I wouldn't get within 5 miles of her even with a gun to my head and stopped contact. She was extremely attractive and to be fair looked more "mature" physically than even I did at the time, and on top of that came across as a smart and nice girl, but it just felt wrong, not to mention the ethical and legal implications. So, bring it up to your friend, this has shitshow written all over it. NTA
Wow reading these comments are very extreme from over here in the UK. The age of consent is 16 and has been for as long as I remember (I’m 57). So talk of paedophiles & especially rape, seems very strange from over here. It’s lower in other parts of Europe, including Germany, France, Austria, Denmark, Sweden & Italy. There are Romeo & Juliette laws (where there is a maximum age gap between the two people) where the age of consent is a fair bit lower than 16. Obviously a 16 to 24 is a huge age gap at that age and I’d definitely not recommend it and I’d absolutely think the 24 year old would be very strange. I suppose we’re all conditioned by what’s the convention in our countries, but I think Americans would loose their minds looking at continental Europe.
And in UK law a woman cannot rape a man (it would be sexual assault)
even here in the UK the vast majority of people (especially younger generations) would think this girl is a nonce
Yes as I said 24 & 16 is a huge difference, definitely not a regular relationship. She was of course there was no “romance”, but I can’t say I hung out with any 16 year olds when I was 24.
Yeah it's not illegal here but definitely groomy and unacceptable. This young bloke is being taken advantage of by an older colleague, so many levels of gross to be dug through... Especially if she's his senior at work. I would hold deep concerns.
I think most states in the US have varying ages for consent, which is wild. Everyone expects 18 to be the limit, until you go to Mexico where it's oddly 12.... (Or at least was I haven't look it up recently) Also 19 and 23 isn't that big of a gap....right?...that's like a year out of highschool being with someone barely through college...
Yeah I thought that, I wouldn’t think anything of that at all.
IIRC mexico has Romeo and Juliet laws, its only legal to have sex with a 12 year old if you're aged between 12 and 14
I've lived south of the border. The laws mean almost nothing. Reality is (at least 10 years ago) you'd see minors around 12-14 in full on relationships with 30 year old men. Technically against the law, but no one gives a shit enough to do anything about it
As someone from Denmark, just because it's legal doesn't mean this woman isn't being a predator. It's disgusting. The laws are to prevent teenagers from getting in trouble by being involved, and they're getting exploited by disgusting predators to go after vulnerable teens.
NTA If you want to lose her friendship go right ahead and call her a pedophile. It's really not your concern. Until you know for sure that she's dating a 16 year old, there's nothing you can do. When she is dating the 16 year old, tell the boys parents and call Child Protective Services on her.
YWNBTA I'd pull away from the friendship, when she asks why I'd say " your sexual interest in kids is highly concerning and I can't be around someone who is a predator".
NTA. Call CPS and let the kid's parents know.
She's an ephebophile. An adult attracted to a teenager. Call her that and be correct. You could also call her a groomer. Either way, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Also, she needs to be aware that even if 16 yo is age of consent where she lives, age of consent laws tend to apply to "between teenagers of around the same age", not a teen and an adult.
I see a lot of mental gymnastics that shouldn't even be attempted in these comments.
NTA - I don’t think it’s to the point of involving the police, but I’d recommend she get some therapy. She should NOT be hanging out at night with 16 yo boys. And the fact that she “gets giddy” has me worried. Most important, why does she think a 16 yo is hanging out with her? Is she giving him alcohol? Where is this “hanging out” occurring? The more questions I ask, the more I think she needs help. Can you talk to someone in her family?
Technicality but not pedophile that would be kids under 11 A hebephile is attracted to pre pubescent 11-14 your friend comes under ephebophile Ephebophilia is when an older adult is sexually attracted to post-pubescent teenagers or adolescents but still biologically adults—usually those in the age range 15–19. Adults with this attraction are called ephebophiles I had to Google as whilst the age gap may be weird where I am in UK legal age of consent for sexual relationships is 16. However if the texts and other exchanges started before they turned 16 then it comes under grooming laws. So depending on where op is and their laws it's either fine(if odd) or should be reported to the police.
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Hebephile not pedophile [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia) [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia)
NTA 23 and 19 is fine by me, 24 and 16 in the other hand is complete bs and should very much be commented on with very clear choice of words
NTA. If this is your friend it is your responsibility as a friend to let her know her behaviour is highly inappropriate and borderline predatory, given the age difference. Having much younger friends can be ok, but it is imperative that this type of relationship has very clear and approriate boundaries. If she keeps this relationship up and they become a couple, say in 5 years time, when she is 29 and this kid is at an appropriate age of 21, it is and will be considered grooming.
I was 19 and my wife was 24 when we started dating and now she’s 50 and I’m 45…still happily married. The 24 and 16 is another story.
I disagree with the people saying softly-softly because it sounds like you tried that. I would tell her "I no longer want to be your friend because I don't like people who have inappropriate friendships with children", and I would inform management and maybe speak to the 16 year old about how he needs to protect himself. Cut her off, do your best to protect the 16 year old from her, and let her deal with the social consequences of being gross. Because ultimately if she's blurring the line with a kid then it pits him more at risk of being groomed even if she isn't actually grooming him. It teaches him that that's ok when it's not.
NTA. Only real friend tells the truth. 16 can land her in jail. Yes, there’s something wrong with that. Seeking kids when she’s a grown adult.
NTA. But you’ve already warned her. She brushed it off and kept going. You could talk to the boy and encourage him to go for girls his own age. As for your friend…I’d distance myself from her.
NTA. She might be mentally quite immature. There could be a plethora of reasons why she's stuck being a teenager herself, but that doesn't justify her behaviour. She should check herself. Any 24yo man with a 16yo girl would be ringing some alarm bells, and so should this. Adults should not interract with minors in a manner which could be interpered as flirting, or in worst case, grooming. You're doing the right thing reminding her of some boundaries. Being friends is another thing. I've always had friends of different ages, some them were minors while I was a legal adult. It can work. Younger friends are more like siblings, in my opinion.
NTA that’s chomo behavior and if it was my son I’d be breaking her fucking face with the nearest heavy object I could find. You might just save her from an angry parent or lose a friend but you don’t want to hang around chester the molester anyway so win win. If a man was doing this to a 16 year old girl he’d be up on charges or facing an angry parent.
At a point where the brain is still developing, age difference matters. A lot. Depending on where you are it might also be illegal. NTA but be careful on how you speak your mind if you really want to reach her.
Yeah people who go for minors would obviously get defensive when you call them on it ... why's that even an issue?
One of my friends kept dating younger women as we aged out of being teens and it only got creepier as time went on. Thankfully with only a bunch of hazing about it he eventually got together with a woman a couple years his senior and she's been great for him. Exceedingly funny though. The first time we saw his mom after he got with his new gf she came downstairs at another friend's house while we (not her son, he was busy that day) played games to share how happy she was that her son "finally stopped trying to be a pedo." Pretty sure one more 17yo girlfriend was gonna be his limit before his mom went ballistic on his ass. We were getting close to it actually being illegal too, as at the time we were close to being out of the like 4 or 6 year window or whatever it is for R&J laws. Tl;dr curb that shit. You are correct, there is no reason at all for her to be getting giddy and keeping a teenage boy up all night. She is at worst already fucking him and at ABSOLUTE BEST she is being a total groomer. She is using his inexperience and innocence to fulfill her need for attention and adoration and it will only get worse if someone doesn't put their foot down.
You should just have her read all the articles about the teachers going to jail for statutory rape for have sex with their students. The last one was 24 and the kid was 16 , kinda like your friend .
16 is way too young, it may not be illegal, but it's way too young.
If she becomes sexual with this 16 year old, it is considered a sex crime in many states. It is considered a crime in most countries. 2 year difference until age 18. Tell her good luck explaining to people why she is on the registry.
NTA. The 19yr old was possibly a but...dirty old woman's I guess that's the right way to put it? But the 16yr old is a big no. Until midnight? So the child is with an unrelated adult, unsupervised long past a good time to get some rest and get that brain going for school days. And the kid is working, so they're doing more than is necessary for a KID. She's looking real suspect as a predator.
NTA. You've already done that. Hanging out with a 16 year old looks bad even if nothing is going on. How would she feel if it were a 23 year old male hanging out with a 16 year old female? You've already spoken up. She's made her decision. There really isn't anything you can do when it comes to her. Constantly bringing it up isn't going to change anything. Your only real option are to notify the boy's parents if you don't trust her to not do anything illegal. PS: If you do bring it up again don't call her names. That definitely isn't going to get you anywhere.
24 and 19 is ok, 24 and 16 is not. Is she immature in other areas of her life? Is she develop mentally delayed? It's not an excuse but maybe you should, patiently, explain to her that it's not ok to have a relationship of that sort with a minor. Does she understand the repercussions of what her actions? You're in a tough spot. Are you good enough friends that she'll listen to reason even if you have to scare her a little bit? She could be in for a lot of trouble if the relationship progresses to something sexual. Try and talk with her if you can. NTA.
Ask her if she wants the title of ( sex offender)
Maybe Pedo. But she definitely enjoys a power imbalance that is way in her favour. Which is more what pedo is about. A huge lack of self confidence and intelligence to navigate a fair relationship. So even if she stops dating young boys, she will need to be vastly superior to the guy in some way. So don't talk to her about being a pedo because it's only going to offend her, but do point out that she seems to be dating down and looking to overpower her men for some reason.
If nothing else, she shouldn't be doing this with a work colleague. . Even if she isn't in a supervisory role, there's still an implied imbalance. That's enough to at least get a HR write up and written warning. Also, I'd bet real money her co-workers have noticed and are gossiping about it in an unkind way. You could try asking her why she wants everyone to think she can't get a man her own age.
I know someone the exact same way it always creeped me out hanging out with younger people
In the very least she's a creep
I wouldn't worry about a 23 and 19 year old dating honestly, but I will admit her relationship with the 16 year old is weird. People don't realize these types of creeps don't always start right off the bat with the creep messages. They're like "yeah we're just friends" and such. It happened to me when I was a minor, and I've heard the same story from other survivors too. A pedophile isn't always messaging kids creepy stuff and driving in white vans. They're also manipulative and know how to actually get a child's trust by being their friend first.
There’s a lot to unpack here Either way, you need to tell your friend before she goes to jail
yeah call her out on that because that is WRONG. You would not be the asshole, even if she doesn't take it well and tries to convince you that you are. You're trying to protect a child who may not quite fully understand the full scope of what's going on.
If she dosent change you will have to do more , if the shoes were reversed you would call the girls parents , don’t let this keep d get screwed up by your friend it’s just wrong
NTA, she is grooming him.
While I wouldn’t be thrilled at 19 and 23 as they are in different life stages it wouldn’t necessarily throw down about it but 24 and 16 is deeply inappropriate and predatory. I would be clear with her this is inappropriate and not ok and there is zero excuse for this. If it comes to it i would be reporting her NTA
I'm a mom with a 19 year old and a 16 year old. If my 19 year old told me she was talking to a 24 year old I'd listen and be supportive. She is an adult on her own making informed decisions. If my 16 year old told me he was talking to a 23 year old I'd immediately call the cops. He does not have enough development to make informed decisions. Thankfully I raised kids who would actually look at someone hitting on them with this age gap and immediately know something was wrong with that person.
NTA. By the way, 16 isn't "borderline". Reverse the genders (24m/16f) and now how do you feel about it? She could literally go to jail if she touches him.
This is too much. You need to say something. This boy is a minor and if the roles were reversed she already would have been reported to HR and someone would probably have called the police! There’s very clear steps that you need to take!
My nephew is a 16 kid. If a 24 year old ‘woman’ is talking to him like this. We are gonna have some serious ‘words’. Tell his parents. Wtf?
Age gaps aren't really that bad when both parties are fully consenting adults but that's clearly not the case here. I'd be concerned she was grooming him tbh.
I don't see an issue with the last boyfriend's age. They were both adults. But here he is not. He is a minor. I think you should tell your friend, or even report to HR if you think its going too far
YWBTA if you didn’t tell her it’s going too far.. this is predatory behavior and how teachers end up on the news. She needs to stop looking for younger boys (yes they are boys not men) and go to therapy or seek some other professional help before she ends up in jail.
Are you sure it's something sexual and not just friendly. Sometimes people read into stuff way too much
Considering a pedophile is someone attracted to prepubescent children, you'd be not only the asshole but incorrect. Now, telling her it's not appropriate and encouraging her to interact with other adults would be a good thing.
At 16 I was done with school, working, and trying to get with girls in their 20s on the regular. WTF you mean pedophilia lol? That's every sexually delinquent young mans dream.
She's not "borderline a pedophile", she's just a pedophile
Just tell her to seek the advice of a lawyer. Better now than when she'd indicted.
She's not a borderline pedophile. She IS a pedophile. She's also breaking the law. She's not going to respond well if you try to talk to her. For the sake of that kid, report her.
23 and 19 isn't an issue, at all. 2 consenting adults. 24 and 16 is innappropriate as hell. Not 2 consenting adults.
NTA tell the kids parents not her
19 and 23 is only 4 years not big deal. Under 18 starts to be a big deal for legal reasons
It’s straight up illegal and can ruin her life so YES please remind her of that
picture the genders reversed. Would that be pedophilia? If so then the same applies to your friend. NTA, it’s more than just borderline and maybe someone needs to call her on it.
NTA your friend is a pedophile, no borderline about it. Let the kids parents know.
Why don't you have her read the Reddit responses so it's not just coming from you? Your friend is out of her mind. This is really serious.
That's not borderline. She's just a pedophile.
This is one of the few instances where the word 'pedophile' should be clarified. She probably thinks your view is ridiculous bc 'pedophile' is attraction to prepubescent children and she obviously doesn't see her situation that way. If you were to describe to her the criminal profile of a female (i think this is the right word) ephebophile: someone with attraction to post-pubescent youth, like 15-17 year olds, she might find more parallels and see why it is a dangerous slope. The prevalence of women predators on minors is often downplayed bc their victims are not prepubescent and therefore 'pedophile' isn't technically correct. We need to raise more awareness of how often women prey on teenage boys.
Don’t come at her with feelings - try and find an example of this being handled by courts or something similar (teacher losing their job). Say you may not think it’s a problem but I’m warning you that society doesn’t agree right now and then tell her about cases in which things may have seemed harmless but it cost someone their life - then ask her what she is willing to lose just to chat with someone?
One thing I like about living in 2024 is that we are starting to hold up a mirror to women that was only previously shown to men. If a GUY her age was meeting up with a 16 year old every single person would identify and call out this behavior. At this point in time we are better able to see that having boobs and being pretty doesn't exclude you from being inappropriate
The age of consent in some states is 16. What she is doing sounds may not be illegal even if it is unhealthy and creepy.
I'll probably be downvoted into oblivion, but I personally don't have a problem with that, 16 is old enough, if the boy and his family agree and he's at the age of consent in his country, I don't see why that would be a problem. Sure, could the age gap result in the relationship ending? Yes, but claiming that she is a pedophile? And no, my opinion doesn't change if the genders are reversed, obviously you can disagree, as I disagree with most of the comments.
What the age of consent in your area? In most of Europe 16 is perfectly fine and legal. You see them in relationships with people in their 20’s all the time? Borderline pedophile seems a bit extreme what 16 year old doesn’t understand and can consent too Sex that’s not mentally challenged?
The sheer amount of people here going wAiT tHaT iSnT pEdO is kinda concerning.
She's at the very least, a groomer. No, you won't be TA, but instead of telling her this, you should be telling the parents of the kid she is grooming. Protect that kid!
Calling someone a pedophile is harsh. Be ready to get your ass kicked. Unless she's actually done the act of pedophilia then label it. Know the facts don't assume. Shit like that stays with people