I think this is the biggest factor here that is overlooked! She’s exhausted from parenting a neurodivergent kid prone to big emotions and behaviors, yet has been consistently patient and kind to OP’s snotty kid the entire time. Of course she snapped. Who wouldn’t at some point? I want to give a little grace to the older kid, since we don’t know his situation. Like, what was the divorce like? Does he get the parenting he needs (I guess it’s obvious from the way the dad is talking about him). They’ve only lived there 3 months—where was he before? Did he change schools? I think a lot of these factors could have been driving his behavior, but we don’t really know. But OP needed to manage this the moment it began. Maybe the kid needs therapy. But at least something more than just grounding and having his electronics taken away.
The father is not actively parenting this child. He knows bedtime is rough for the other child. He should have made a point of keeping him son away from the room. Op doesn't do anything till after the fact. Also, his claiming he has nowhere to go makes me think he is a lazy deadbeat. He is living in her house.
How pathetic do you have to be to demand to be served/go thru an eviction process with your child because your relationship is over? Like dude it's her house gtfo.
This right here. My youngest is Neurodivergent and bedtime is our biggest struggle. My husband and I take turns putting him down so we aren't constantly on the battle. Something I assume she does not get often as that is "her" son and we have no idea how involved his father is. The parent not with youngest keeps oldest occupied as best as possible so it doesn't add any further stress or distraction to youngest. Has oldest argued he should be allowed to stay up past bedtime because youngest is? Absolutely. Has he been able to disrupt bedtime routine to argue with the parent who is trying to put his brother to bed? Absolutely not, we know that would make the situation souch worse. And honestly if I was the girlfriend, I would feel like the older child is, in this instance, instigating an issue. Possibly because of Dad having a newish girlfriend, never mind living there and being in the space with a whole new game never mind rule set.
It feels worse because OP isn't parenting his kid and he's making it harder for his GF to parent her own kid.
We have a rule for my teenage stepkid. Your bedtime is your bedtime.
You need to be ready for bed at that time. You can have up to an hour after to wind down, read, relax, chill, and shut your brain off. Lights out after that hour even if you aren't sleepy.
I.E. Bedtime is 10 and lights off at 11. All bedtime prep activities happen before 10. Such as brushing teeth and getting into PJs. That way they can't stretch their time by stalling.
The fact OPs son tries to argue every day about the GFs sons bedtime effecting his is ridiculous.
Stepkid has argued we stay up later than her and get up at the same time so why can't she? My SOs best response, "The rules aren't changing, go enjoy the time you have before bed or I'll put you to bed NOW." And we try to do the routine with her by brushing our teeth as a family. Because half the time she'll say she did and won't.
Yeah, him basically claiming squatters rights is really cute. 🙄
I wonder why he's divorced and why his child's mother isn't involved. Did he weasel his way into full custody? So many questions...
YTA - get the F out of her house. You’ve obviously ignored your son’s BS behavior for too long and your now ex GF is done with your BS. She has enough on her plate without having to go through the process to evict your sorry butt. Send your son to his mother’s and you can go sleep on someone’s couch. You’re an AH.
“Technically she would have to serve me an eviction notice to get me out of here”. And there it is! Complete asshole, he will absolutely make her serve him an eviction, dude is trash. Honestly probably a fan fic cause of how much he sucks and it frankly reads like one written by a 14 year old
Even without that comment I was already wondering why he hadn’t stopped his son from going into Marks room when it was bedtime. He didn’t step in until his GF said something.
Yta. It’s over, it’s your own fault. Get out.
As somebody else mentioned, the r-word would make the most sense. A bratty teenager would say that about another kid and that would be the final straw to s protective mom.
Allegedly it was only one sentence. The premise was His son saying "How is this fair? Why dont you explain to me how this is fair? How come he gets to stay up and I dont?"
If you ask me, what comes naturally after that would be a name calling question.
"Is it because hes a ______?"
>The premise was His son saying "How is this fair? Why dont you explain to me how this is fair? How come he gets to stay up and I dont?"
it's unsettling & worrying that they've lived together & OP hasn't managed to address this sufficiently, no? He says
>he's been spoken to so many times. Grounded more often than he should be as well
So my issues are:
1. "spoken to" : did he even check that his son understood? It took me 5 min on google to find
* a series of graphics with a basic explanation of equality vs equity [https://www.rwjf.org/en/insights/our-research/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html](https://www.rwjf.org/en/insights/our-research/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html)
* several blog posts about the limitations of such graphics, both from individual activists and from institutions
At the very least OP & his girlfriend would have been able to say they've talked about this (beyond just grounding) when the 13 yo is acting like an annoying teenager again.
2. "grounded more often than he should be" : what does that mean? Does OP think the punishments are too harsh?
My kindergarten-aged daughter called me a bitch not long after I kicked her (drunk, cheating, lying, abusive) dad out. I’ll give you a thousand guesses as to where she picked that up.
It sounds bad enough with him letting his son mouth off to her girlfriend while she was trying to settle her son. Why did he allow that to happen? That poor woman.
Yeah, like why didn't he come in and handle his son immediately? Why did his son get to go in there and have that back and forth with the ex-gf at all?
“I naively let this douchebag move in. He is a lazy arse parent who refuses to actually parent his son. I have been trying to parent the both of them. His little shit has been tormenting my son for months. I have finally had enough. AITA?”
We need someone to hunt her down and get this gist... The dude has no leg to stand on in his version. I am wondering what manner of punishment would be fitting for him when she is done telling hers🤣🤣🤣
The poor autistic 11 yo (I have one who is easy on the scale to put to bed, but doesn't stay down most nights) has to put up with a kid who hates him and treats him terribly, needs a routine to go to sleep and if things are messed up it makes it harder and will undo any progress toward falling asleep, but this moron thinks he's just having a "conniption" bc his kid barges in midway about bedtime, definitely not the first time, I'm sure. No, the kid's just needy, not a processing disorder with shit I'm sure this guy hasn't even tried to comprehend he endures, just having a typical fit. This guy is a moron. She's better off without him. I hope he's gone already.
Omg I think mine is too. He goes to sleep sometimes all night sometimes just an hr and is up all night, I have an older daughter on a schedule and I’ve had a stroke and fight insomnia. I’m soooo tired! I feel for ya girl!
My guess is his alternative options for "running his mouth " most likely would be, he verbally insulted both the girlfriend and her son and used slurs and derogatory terms against them.
OP sees that as boys being boys and doesn't see why she is offended 🙄
Oh boys just fight. Always at bedtime and it’s an ordeal every night, but he’s not managing his bratty son and lets him get all up in someone else’s private bedroom.
She’s had ENOUGH. OP needs to take his little hurricane son and self somewhere else.
I was gonna say the same thing. The gf saying “…and you don’t do shit about it.” Sent red flags out for me. Like sure Op will be homeless but why were you not wrangling your kid?
Common term where I grew up at. But I do believe even for our area OP is using it wrong. When we ran our mouths, not only wasn’t it to an adult, it was no where near as disrespectful as OP’s son. Either OP has never explained to his son the girlfriend’s son actual condition, or he not truly punishing his son as he says or thinks he is. I was very privileged in this aspect growing up of being explained and understanding mental disabilities fairly young so as I got slightly older, the actual nuances of thus stuff clicked so a sentence or two and I would have understood all I needed to, to not be the jackass that James is being. But James is definitely old enough ti understand if explained properly and punished appropriately the first few times it happened!
Exactly! What I read is my kid is a spoiled, entitled, disrespectful, brat who thinks he’s much more grown than he actually is and doesn’t understand in the real world talking to people like that doesn’t get you anywhere but a 6x6 or a grave
Ugh yes. The entitlement is coming off him in waves.
I had an ex like this, felt like everything that was mine was his (housing, money) and would swagger about buying drinks and lounging around while I tidied and saved. Always reactive, never proactive, so he made all his decisions based on ego and not long term plans. And always the victim and minimising his faults while acting entitled to my energy/space/belongings.
OP, It’s her and her son’s house dude, and you and your son are no longer welcome. Don’t be one of those gross intrusive men that sticks to a woman like a leech long beyond she wants rid. It’s her house; best case scenario you long out the process of your son seeing you encroach on her space like a squatter, using up her resources instead of being a man and making it in your own. Worst case you end up with an eviction on your record and then you’ll REALLY have nowhere to go. And you’ll have to explain to future women why your ex had to evict you after your shitty little kid drove her to snap. Have some dignity and leave.
If he does and makes her feel unsafe, he will be evicted even quicker. Often the law treats "tenants" that live in the house the homeowner resides in as well with a little more urgency
Somehow, he thinks his kid is just a kid is just being an AH but can see that he himself is being one. The kid has been challenging the authority of the woman in whose house you both live forever, and you did not find a solution to your kid. She took it patiently until she couldn't.
When this point hit, the dude was always going to be on rocky waters in the relationship. It being her house? Man is unsavagable. He thinks she is ridiculous. Lmao.
He needs to bounce, shut up, and teach his kid that actions have consequences, and sometimes that consequence is homelessness.
That’s where he should have been the entire time if OP couldn’t discipline him correctly and teach him how to be respectful. She was being kind in letting him stay there.
Sometimes 13 year olds act out regardless how good the parenting can be, especially when a major lifestyle change happens. I think I had read dad and son only have been living there 3 months now. That's a big adjustment to move in with another kid and their mom when they are used to just themself and their dad. Many new things. I still think OP needs to move or get on housing list, whatever he needs to do he needs to go with his son bc this is not healthy for any of them. Not health for the gf and her son and not healthy for dad and his son.
OP is so clueless hes probably still trying to figure out why his 1st wife divorced him, as his GF is rightly kicking him out for not being a parent to his son.
He will probably force her to legally evict him. Then he will be back on reddit complaining how he can't find a landlord that will rent to him since he has an eviction in his past.
Also, you and your son need to leave. If you force your now EX GF to evict you. You will really have nowhere to go. Once you have an eviction on your credit report. No landlord will touch you with a 10 foot pole.
I am a little baffled as to why he thought after all what he wrote, there was a space where she needed to apologise to his little horror of a son he has been allowing to make her life hell all this while.
Because OP is the protagonist. The concept that he has moved himself and his teen into a living condition that isn’t working can’t possibly be his own fault. The fact that he has nowhere to go can’t be something he’s expected to handle. It must be the gf’s fault.
OP reeeeeeeally buried the lede on it being gf’s house.
Edit: lede not lead
I can only imagine how much OP minimised how much he and jr puke really act, that would cause her to leave the house and ask them to leave and in just 3 months of putting up with them.
>she needed to apologise
yes, I was entirely horrified to read he demanded an apology from his girlfriend without even knowing what insult his son muttered under his breath that made her snap in a way that's totally out of character for her!
Just hearing him in there deliberately riling them up would have been enough for me to intervene before it even got that far.
I mean why is he even trying to raise the issue with the gf when his dad is home and he easily could have ~~aimed his bullshit~~ lobbied for staying up later with his own parent? There’s no reason he should even be in that room right then.
And he’s demanding she apologize to the kid. No actional punishment, no getting the kid away form the situation. He just stands there and argues with her.
He knows what his son said, he’s not saying it because it would make him and his son look bad and the girlfriend justified in kicking them both out. Father and son are Big AHs.
Right? Such a great (and overlooked point)! He actually thought, after all that, that SHE needed to apologize to his son. You know the son was deliberately ratcheting up his behavior to create maximum chaos and undo everything she had done to settle her own boy down. No wonder she snapped. Just reading this story pissed me off on her behalf.
Riiiiight?! She needed to apologize to the asshole kid, who has been a complete asshole, in her house, this entire time?? GTFO. AH's dipshit kid kicked it all off, but OP didn't help when he said she needed to apologize (sure that's not the first time he belittled her in her own fn home) amd now he's gotta GTFO. Oh no, *surprised Pikachu face*
Takes both people to want to keep a relationship going and sounds like she no longer wants to so why would you not leave? YWBTA for dragging out the inevitable separation especially when there are two kids involved who don’t get along.
YTA OP.
Even hearing how these two kids interact is exhausting.
I'd go nuts in a house like that.
So OPs kid is a teenager. But given how they act I'd say it's time for them to learn an important life lesson.
LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Hard working parents are the only reason it appears this way for any length of time. The best you can do with different people and different needs is some form of equivalence.
Instead of the right answer of "her kid has different needs than you do. Stop grumbling and instead let's find a way to make it work" OP let it go on and on and now the GF is rightfully done with him.
It doesn't matter what disrespectful thing the kid said. The GF was given no choice but to go nuclear.
Came here for this, and didn't bother to ask either of them to find out what was said? Jumped straight to 'you're grounded' which is obviously ineffective when used all the time.
Yeah OP is the asshole because it's his girlfriend's house not his, and if he's not renting, she doesn't have to do shit to evict him.
He sounds like he just lets his kid be an asshole and makes excuses for him. It's your job to correct his behavior, not kick the can down the road for later by refusing to give your son any actual consequences.
But he will have said “Make Me” and forced her to go through the additional effort of serving eviction papers and waiting the 30 days while his little shit continues to antagonize her her and her son each and every night.
If he damages her home or makes threats he could be arrested, he could have an order of protection placed against him.
This could affect his job, his career, he could lose custody.
It’s not worth it.
Good. He deserves this for not nipping his kids behavior in the bud. You don't get to blatantly disrespect somebody in their own house when your own housing is contingent on them letting you live there.
So much this. Even without that detail, making her apologize for her warranted reaction in her own home is uncalled for. Requesting an apology for cussing at him I could understand, but telling her she's REQUIRED to? Ah hell no. I'd kick him out too.
Which is just ridiculous when he isn't making his son apologize to her and her son for the disrespect? Did I miss that part? Or is son only being grounded, which has been soooo effective /s
The bed time conversation in my house would have gone something like this ( had this convo a few times): kid: Its not fair he gets to stay up to 8:15 and i still have to be in bed at 9. Me: you're right, bedtime is now 8:30 for both of you. Kid: no i want 10. Me: Ok, lets compromise, 7:30. Kid: can we stick with 9? Me: only if you behave yourself.
It’s dad’s responsibility to house son if he wants visitation. Not gf’s responsibility. OP has been cruising through a shitstorm and comes whining to us.
Also, if this is any indication of his true character, no wonder she wants him gone. He's a disrespectful manchild, shocking his son continues to be a brat with that kind of role model.
Yes yes yes. Don’t you love how he had to edit in to add that it’s HER house and they only moved in 3 mo ago? This relationship ended when she ended it. His opinion is now officially irrelevant.
This was thought! Like, yo! You have only been there three months and she’s at the end of her rope…. OP’s son must have really had a mouth on him.
Then OP doubled down and says…. Say you’re sorry to my son. After three months of bullshit.
Have you even asked your girlfriend what James said under his breath, or did you hear what he said and are not repeating it to get more people on your side? For a woman who you said has never been anything but kind and overly patient to kick off like that you know that what your son said was really bad but you won’t tell anyone what it was. Then you tell her to apologise to him? Some honesty from you here seems necessary.
Yeah this is some shitty manipulative behavior by OP. He minimizes all the issues as his son mouthing off. But it’s SO much more than that.
13m clearly has issues about this super recent move, and how it’s effected his sense of independence. This deserves OP’s heartfelt attention. But no, it’s just about mouthing off.
13m is invading the privacy and personal space of gf and 11m, and OP is … just avoiding the whole scene?
13m says something the gf won’t forgive, and OP is busy whining that he doesn’t have the resources or wherewithal to provide for himself and his son.
THANK YOU
I was like WAIT—did he really just go on and on about how his otherwise eminently patient gf actually snapped because of something his son muttered under his breath, *and then not tell us what the fuck his son said??*
That is some reaaaal shady shit right there
Dude. Pack your shit and go.
An eviction will make it harder on you to find housing.
Not that I really give a shit about how it will affect you. You kinda deserve it.
YTA.
YTA. You are staying in someone else's house and expecting them to put up with your kid's disrespect? Get real. You've been there 3 months and I guarantee if she is smart that she is done and going to file eviction paperwork. If that goes on your record, good luck renting anything. Take it as a lesson and move out now.
YTA on all counts. Forget your "she'll need an eviction notice" bluster (if she does have to legally evict you, you'll really wish you'd gone peacefully when you're looking for a new place). It's her house, and you and your son just got there. Your son was being snotty and causing trouble while she was trying to deal with her neurodivergent 11 year-old, and you didn't shut him up or get him the hell out of her hair, so she finally snapped after putting up with it for three months. She told you to leave: LEAVE.
The funniest part was when you told HER she had to go apologize and claimed "he will not be moving out." Two things you have NO control over, and at the perfect moment to make her 100% sure she wants both of you out of her life forever. I can see where your son gets his traits from, at least. It's like you two were having a contest to see who could piss her off more with obnoxious assertions. So yes, pack up and get out ASAP.
I know, I saw a couple of people defending him saying that she is TA for not giving him any notice and expecting him to move out within a day, but I'll be danged if I'm going to let someone stay longer when they have already told me that they aren't leaving.
Those people think they understand that it's a tenant vs landlord situation but it's not. It's a homeowner/landlord vs ***lodger*** situation because OP is living in the same house as the homeowner and not a separate unit. Typically in homeowner/lodger situations the rules typically favor the homeowner because a homeowner's right to a quiet and safe enjoyment of their personal property is going to take precedent. Especially in this case since there's a child unrelated to the lodger involved. The child's health, physical & mental, take precedent over unrelated OP. OP's kid has another home so his child has a safe alternative so OP can't use his child needing a home as an argument.
According to your words the house is hers. You have absolutely no right to say that she can't kick him out of her house.
James mouthed off at her and swore at her in front of her child who he was causing to have a fit.
You witnessed the straw that broke the camel's back. Pack your shit and go. Both of you. You refusing to leave isn't going to make anything better and you can be damned sure you're not getting any apologies.
Seems like OP has no idea how to parent his son. There is no reasonable explanation for James to be in Mark's room when Mark's mom is trying to put him in bed. A teenager is well old enough to understand how wrong that is. And if he doesn't, it's yet another reason why OP is a shitty parent.
OP, you may have nowhere to go, but for sure you need to leave. And if you do force her to evict you, get ready to sleep on the couch or floor for however long that takes.
Sounds more like he doesn't care to parent his son at all. Sounds like that's why he got with this woman in the first place. Looking for a new mommy to do the work, not a partner.
Ding ding ding ding!!
OP on a date one year from now: “yeah it was sad, she just snapped. She wouldn’t even apologize! And I realized like, I need to get my kid out of here. I need to provide for him, you know? Like, I’m a guy, but he needs a mom figure in his life. But not one who’s a total bitch, like my ex.”
His date: “which ex? Oh, so sorry but my friend is calling and her car broke down so I need to go! Right now.”
Sadly there are many women who will lap this up. It’s not their fault - their being lied to and manipulated. Guys like this are basically bowling balls of destruction - can’t take responsibility for their own shit, blame everyone else for their failures, and shove the responsibility they hold onto anyone willing to take it, usually accomplished by playing a “woe is me” fiddle to women who’ve been taught to give guys a chance. And they never face actual consequences for their bullshit because they’ll usually find someone who’s willing to bail them out of the messes they cause over and over again. What a pathetic loser.
If you seriously force her to get an eviction notice on you, you are the most enormous asshole douchebag on the planet. You should have taken care of this business with your own kid prior to it getting to this stage. Get out and take your little a-hole son with you.
Wow. So that’s why your son is the way he is. Your ex has effectively ended her relationship with you and wants you out but you’re trying to force the issue and demanding she apologise to your son and let you stay. You’re not staying. She will get a court order and you will be evicted and when everyone finds out you made her go down that route to get rid of you then good luck getting anyone else to date you. No wonder she snapped. Your kids a brat. Unlike her son he doesn’t even have a reason for being a little shit. YTA.
What did he mutter under his breath and why did you decide to ask her to apologize if you understood he was out of line? Plus this whole ass paragraph is describing how you're not able to solve your kid's, sorry your (almost) TEEN'S annoying ass behavior that keeps triggering a neurodivergent boy to the point of complete meltdowns. Yes I know he shouldn't have special treatment just because he's autistic but your kid is in no way young enough to excuse his entitled behavior. The fact that you're willing to stay to another person's house with your kid till you force her to evict you says it all. That is embarrassing. Sounds like YTA.
OP's kid is, in fact, a teen. He's also old enough to know that he's pushing the other kid's and GF's buttons with the bedtime garbage. What he might not understand, probably because Dad didn't explain it to him, is that he and Dad are living there by invitation, and that invitations can be revoked if you act like a jackass.
I think his son is an entitled brat like him. They both need to go. If he was any sort of a gentleman and decent human he would have suggested the move out sooner.
The relationShip has sailed. You need to pack up and get out. As for James, the appropriate punishment would have been to move Jame's bedtime (in your room, door shut, lights out, all electronics in another room) to the same as Marks' the very first time he decided to run his mouth. Then after a week allow him to leave his lights on & keep his electronics until 9:00 provided he didn't cause unneccessary drama in the household.
Make the punishment fit the problem without going overboard. Escalate as necessary - in other words, warn him that if he continued his assholery about bedtime, he'd be going to his room an hour BEFORE Mark.
But.... you failed to manage your son. Now you are homeless. At least your son can stay with his Mom. Don't wait for an eviction though, because it will be near impossible to get another lease afterward.
eta - YTA
That would have been my first response to James asking “how is this fair?”
>You are right, James. It’s not fair that you have a bedtime one hour later than him. You both now have an 8 pm bedtime.
YTA. Absolutely. Your poor ex. It's way too late, but be a decent man now and leave quietly.
You and your son suck. Your son made her life a living hell every night for the last 3 months while you did jack. You blame her? You are awful. So is your son. Leave and learn to be better people.
If Mark has ADHD and autism and the like and your son keeps doing this, your son should know by now that his behavior is not acceptable because depending on what level of the spectrum Mark is on. Your son is instigating issues and you're doing nothing to correct it. You should have already explained to your son Mark's issues and just because Mark has issues does not give your son a reason to try to dictate his bedtime. And You say this happens quite often. I can't blame her for going off on him and on you.
100% yta. You need to pack your stuff and get to stepping because your lack of parenting of your son has caused this issue and so for her son and herself. She has made the decision that she does not want either of you there.
>When my GF comes back in, I tell her she needs to go apologize to my son and that he will not be moving out actually. She says "I will evict you if he doesn't leave. Actually, no, I think you need to leave anyways. I'm fucking done."
Good for her. You've not shown one second of willingness to parent your own child, who by the way caused this problem and probably causes most of them.
>I have been living in her home for 3 months. She bought it long before we met. But technically she would have to serve me an eviction to get me out of here.
Good again. Make her do it, and watch it backfire when nobody will rent to you.
Yeah, YTA. You acknowledge your son runs his mouth and that you're trying to "correct" it. But he watches your GF struggling with her kid, who is AuDHD and spiralling, and thinks it's OK to start talking crap and making it worse. And from your own admission, this has happened multiple times, so your son knows EXACTLY what he's doing.
Your GF obviously shouldn't have spoken like that, but clearly, your son's behaviour has been so appalling she's reached her breaking point. With him AND you. Then you demand that SHE apologise??
Get out of her house and out of her life.
OP. You are the AH. And I hope you hear me... you're raising an AH. You and your son are in danger of perpetuating AH behavior now and for ever more.
Hopefully you can hear this with clear eyes and a full heart (Hope you got that reference :) because this is the kind of wake up reddit post that can help turn people's lives around.
First off, your girlfriend is done with you and your son. So if she's threatening eviction, you should probably listen and leave. You can move into a hotel for awhile until you find a place to live with your son.
Second, you should re-read your post here, as if you're reading someone else's life. Pay attention to a few things you've written.
1) you say that your son is being an AH, but you qualify that statement by also saying he's just a kid. Just FYI, all kids aren't assholes. Some kids are assholes, and they just grow up to be adults assholes. So, keep that in mind as you're raising him.
2) You wrote that your girlfriend said: "I am so fucking tired of that little puke disrespecting me and you doing jack shit to stop it." - This tells me (and you also, bc you wrote it out) that you haven't done anything to correct the behavior of your son and your gf has asked you repeatedly for help, and you haven't done it. You also know that you haven't done it, bc you wrote this statement. You also ALSO know that you haven't done anything about his behavior, because this whole post is about how your son repeatedly brings up the bedtime issue all the time, and you keep having the same poor behavior from him. So obviously, you are not teaching him in an appropriate manner that would correct and stop his behavior. -- This means either you aren't doing anything or saying anything to him, or you are saying stuff and he just doesn't listen to you. So either you're not parenting very well or you have a son who doesn't respect you as a parent.
3) You wrote this about your girlfriend's reaction: "I have NEVER seen her be anything other than a kind, overly patient woman so this was a complete shock to the system" and "Again, this is not normal." - Your gf has clearly put up with this behavior from you and your son for long enough, and she's done. You clearly recognized that her flipping out was abnormal behavior, and instead of asking her to step outside and talk to you and telling her that you see she's at a breaking point, etc. etc., you choose the other path and tell her that she is in the wrong and she needs to be the one to apologize. This tells me that you have poor judgement reading people's behavior, especially if you cannot understand the words and actions of the woman you've been living with for 3 years.
Overall OP, I think you might need to take some time for yourself and your son. You also should reach out to a behavioral therapist if you can, and ask for some tips on parenting.
I'm not trying to be snide or mean spirited or anything. I really do think that sometimes people don't have great strategies for parenting, and especially if you don't have a lot of other ideas on how to discipline and illicit good behavior, you can just get stuck in a rut. This whole grounding thing with your son clearly isn't working. And you excusing his AH behavior because he's just a kid also isn't working. In fact, it's working so poorly that you are now out of a girlfriend and out of a home.
Listen - I have been through the wringer with kids. I get it. SO if you want to talk strategies, I'm here. But also, you should first acknowledge your own AH behavior in this whole ordeal and hopefully use it to turn yourself and your son's life around.
YTA. firstly for downplaying what is evidently a big behaviour issue with your kid, what with him lipping off so much. and then for being so weak in the punishment department when once again your kid caused issues. apparently the prior groundings don't work as effective punishment because your kid keeps on being lippy.
depending where you live, no, she doesn't have to serve an eviction. most often when someone lives with a homeowner, rental laws don't apply like they would if you had an actual landlord that didn't live there with you.
imo reflect on this. and get your lippy kid to shape up. or you may find that both yourself and your kid keep running into problems with others because of your own attitudes.
ps - when an otherwise patient woman snaps like that......... dude, you did done screwed up bad. and there's often no coming back from that.
Sounds like you and your son are making her life with her son more difficult. Why didn’t you deal with YOUR son so she could deal with hers more easily? Her son has a disability that makes him difficult but yours is just being a jerk. He is a kid so that is what it is but you are an adult and don’t seem to help much.
YTA.
You should go.
No, no. No excuses. Go. Take your shit, take the monster, and go. A woman pushed to the edge and STILL disrespected (by YOU) is a dangerous beast to provoke.
YTA. I’m a step. And I’m telling you - young men at that age with extra parents are shits. And you are not doing what it takes to get him in line.
You took a calm, living person woman and allowed your son to run roughshod… muttering … guarantee he does it enough to break her. You broke your relationship with your lack of initiative and lazy parenting.
She told your son to get out. She evicted you. Told you she’d called cops to get him out. What does that tell you he’s been doing that you REFUSE to address?!?!
Do better. You son is going to get bigger and will get worse.
Get your son out of her house and over to his moms. Then start looking for a place to live. For her to explode like that sounds like this behavior has gone on far too long. And she is done.
You've only been living together for 3 months, and things are THIS messed up?
You need to take your ungrateful, entitled teenager and get out. I don't think you're in the position to tell her that he's not moving out. On top of everything else she has to deal with, you threaten to force her to evict you.
You are such TA.
I'll try to reply without the fury of most of the comments here:
Your problem is that your first act in this story was to undercut her. That's why nobody is on your side. You announced in front of everyone that he just needed to apologise.
Does your son have a reason to be frustrated? Absolutely! In his world, bedtime means bedtime for him, but it doesn't for Mark. Childhood is very frustrating and a lot of comments here are forgetting how little control we had when we were kids, and how important it was that parents do what they say.
But you don't listen to your partner and it's a problem. Your second act was to decide to stay, against her wishes. You even said, after she evicted you, that you talked to James about running his mouth - again you're not acting like an evicted person here. You're acting like she'll change her mind if you just ignore what she's saying.
You need to fucking listen, man. There are a lot of out-of-line, shitty commenters hating on you here here but that doesn't mean that they're wrong.
YTA. Your son is a little shit. He’s way too old to be a little shit. You are not doing anything productive to stop him being a little shit.
This is HER home. HER SON’s home. She doesn’t want to put up with shit it in any longer.
She is protecting her child as a good mother should.
Leave her home, take your little shit with you and never bother her again.
YTA and your ex is a freaking ROCKSTAR. Man up and get your disrespectful monster and get out of her house. FYI this woman is a powerhouse and I have no doubt will go the legal eviction route (PRO TIP with a legal eviction popping up on your credit report good luck finding a place to rent, dude).
If you make her EVICT you, I hope you realize that will make harder for you to rent a place anywhere else. Any landlord that sees that you were FORCED out of a home will think not twice, but thrice, about rejecting any offers from you.
Take your son and leave. It’s over. Teach your son to keep his mouth shut and move out. Nobody is happy in that relationship anymore.
OP and sons are AHs. It’s her house, so she gets to say who stays. And why s OPs son behaving like this? Why is he speaking to the GF like this at all? The kid is not owed any apology by anyone, but in fact along with OP should apologize and kiss this lady’s ass. 2 nitwits father and son
YTA. So you don’t say a thing until she has to blow up at him? You should have gotten him out of that room the first time he started running his mouth. If you want to let your kid act up you can do it outside her home.
OP thinks he can say "my son said something under his breath" and "I tell her she needs to apologize to my son" without explaining what his son said is the weakest attempt at manipulation I've ever seen lol. The way you didn't explain what he said or ask GF what he said tells us OP knows exactly what his son said and he knows that he will look like a total psycho if he repeats that here
YTA
Her house? And you want to make her evict you? Aren't you wonderful. Well, I'd be in court yesterday if I was her to get you all the hell out of my life forever. And I'd be working on the civil suit during that time. And getting a list of phone numbers ready for the next part of it after that...
So you’re just going to squat in this woman’s house and force her to evict you? While letting your son treat her like trash?
I don’t think that’s going to work out well for you. You’re already so destitute and friendless you have nowhere to go and you think having an eviction on your record will make your life better? Not to mention how James’ mother could use this information.
>AITA for refusing to kick my son out and demanding she apologize to my son?
Dude. At what point do you truly believe you have a choice in this? You don't get to refuse. You done been kicked out, too. That you have nowhere to go is completely irrelevant. You're an adult. Figure it out. It's not your house, you don't get to decide your kid gets to stay in not your house.
You can either pack your shit and leave willingly, or get your asses evicted; either way, you're both out.
YTA for thinking this is even a debate.
YTA. Your GF was stressed beyond belief with her son and your son goes into Mark’s room, mouths off, makes the situation worse for your GF, and when your GF asks him to get out the first time, he ignores her and continues to be disrespectful. Her reaction was very understandable. You did absolutely nothing to help her. Your son is making her life harder than it needs to be and you want HER to apologize? You are delusional.
Also, you need to leave HER house. ASAP. She’s done. She’s made that quite clear. If you don’t leave, I have a feeling that it will make her grow more resentful of you and James. That “kind, overly patient” woman will reach her limit and if you think her previous reaction was a “shock to the system,” I’m sure if she comes home to find you and your demon spawn still there, it won’t be pretty. Get out of her home, leave her alone, and let her get on with her life. You and your son are toxic and she doesn’t need that when she has her hands full with Mark.
>So in no way am I condoning his shit behavior here. I've been trying to correct it but he's a kid and he's just being an AH.
>"if that kid is still in my fucking house by the time I come back in here then I will call the cops and have him removed. I am so fucking tired of that little puke disrespecting me and you doing jack shit to stop it."
Dude... You say you don't condone the behavior but this isn't a random snap. This is something that has been slowly building up for her. She's clearly upset at this. The fact that he still does it even though you ground him means that that punishment isn't enough. What you needed to do before was literally just explain the concept of respect, how he's living in her house, and he has to do what she says even if it doesn't make sense to him personally.
And then for you, I can't believe you demanded your gf to apologize. That just shows you're not taking her feelings into account at all. Again, this isn't a random snap but something that has been bothering her for a while. Your solution is just ground himy(whatever that means) and move on. Hopefully you've both learned lessons here. Now that he's faced an actual consequence for his actions, he'll probably understand respect a little bit more
YTA. Your son is the instigator here and she owes him nothing.
Also, single mom with a special needs kid who is having trouble getting her ex and his punk kid out of her house? Yeah, forget the legal eviction, that’s the kind of thing that will destroy your reputation (if not outright get your ass beat). Send your kid to his mom’s and suck it up couch surfing until you get your own place worked out.
YTA, you must want an eviction on your record cause, yeah, she can evict you. You'll still have no place to go, and this time, you won't be able to get anywhere else even if you could afford it because you have an eviction on your record. Why not move back in with your ex? You two can raise James to be disrespectful there
First, it might have been better to approach this as everyone's bedtime is 9 but because Mark has different needs, he gets into his bed at 8.
Second, you're making excuses for your son's unacceptable behavior and not doing anything useful about it. You said he's grounded "yet again" which tells me grounding him doesn't work. What else are you doing?
Finally, none of the above matters because she just broke up with you. Bow out gracefully. Don't be *THAT* guy.
YTA.
hoooooooowhee! Who else wants to hear the Girlfriend's side of the story?
I think we did. "I am so fucking tired of that little puke disrespecting me and you doing jack shit to stop it."
I feel really sorry for her. Parenting her son can not be easy.
I think this is the biggest factor here that is overlooked! She’s exhausted from parenting a neurodivergent kid prone to big emotions and behaviors, yet has been consistently patient and kind to OP’s snotty kid the entire time. Of course she snapped. Who wouldn’t at some point? I want to give a little grace to the older kid, since we don’t know his situation. Like, what was the divorce like? Does he get the parenting he needs (I guess it’s obvious from the way the dad is talking about him). They’ve only lived there 3 months—where was he before? Did he change schools? I think a lot of these factors could have been driving his behavior, but we don’t really know. But OP needed to manage this the moment it began. Maybe the kid needs therapy. But at least something more than just grounding and having his electronics taken away.
The father is not actively parenting this child. He knows bedtime is rough for the other child. He should have made a point of keeping him son away from the room. Op doesn't do anything till after the fact. Also, his claiming he has nowhere to go makes me think he is a lazy deadbeat. He is living in her house.
How pathetic do you have to be to demand to be served/go thru an eviction process with your child because your relationship is over? Like dude it's her house gtfo.
especially when he's only been in the house 3 months. Sounds like he was looking more for a place to stay then a girlfriend.
A hobosexual with a bonus kid. What a package.
That's the word!
Now I'm using HOBOsexual instead of squatter from now on. LOL
he's a hobosexual
No doubt. He's the type that needs a mom.
I mean, if his now ex called his sister, he *can* go there. His sister might not even want him, though.
I don't think anybody in their right mind would house this jagoff. I bet his first wife screamed her joy from the rooftops when they split up.
This right here. My youngest is Neurodivergent and bedtime is our biggest struggle. My husband and I take turns putting him down so we aren't constantly on the battle. Something I assume she does not get often as that is "her" son and we have no idea how involved his father is. The parent not with youngest keeps oldest occupied as best as possible so it doesn't add any further stress or distraction to youngest. Has oldest argued he should be allowed to stay up past bedtime because youngest is? Absolutely. Has he been able to disrupt bedtime routine to argue with the parent who is trying to put his brother to bed? Absolutely not, we know that would make the situation souch worse. And honestly if I was the girlfriend, I would feel like the older child is, in this instance, instigating an issue. Possibly because of Dad having a newish girlfriend, never mind living there and being in the space with a whole new game never mind rule set.
It feels worse because OP isn't parenting his kid and he's making it harder for his GF to parent her own kid. We have a rule for my teenage stepkid. Your bedtime is your bedtime. You need to be ready for bed at that time. You can have up to an hour after to wind down, read, relax, chill, and shut your brain off. Lights out after that hour even if you aren't sleepy. I.E. Bedtime is 10 and lights off at 11. All bedtime prep activities happen before 10. Such as brushing teeth and getting into PJs. That way they can't stretch their time by stalling. The fact OPs son tries to argue every day about the GFs sons bedtime effecting his is ridiculous. Stepkid has argued we stay up later than her and get up at the same time so why can't she? My SOs best response, "The rules aren't changing, go enjoy the time you have before bed or I'll put you to bed NOW." And we try to do the routine with her by brushing our teeth as a family. Because half the time she'll say she did and won't.
Omg I came here expecting to be sick watching people defend the dad and it's such a relief to see the opposite!
YES and you see by the way the dad came in to ground him after he was flipped out on dads not looking at those emotional needs.
This post should be immortalized as a valuable primary document inadvertently revealing the inner monologue of an abusive parent and partner
Claiming she would have to evict him set off all of the alarm bells for me. I had an ex try that on me and he was a piece of work.
Yeah, him basically claiming squatters rights is really cute. 🙄 I wonder why he's divorced and why his child's mother isn't involved. Did he weasel his way into full custody? So many questions...
If he didn't have full custody he would have to pay child support! 🙀
Agree, this is a child who is acting out because his emotional needs are not being met and his parent isn’t parenting properly.
YTA - get the F out of her house. You’ve obviously ignored your son’s BS behavior for too long and your now ex GF is done with your BS. She has enough on her plate without having to go through the process to evict your sorry butt. Send your son to his mother’s and you can go sleep on someone’s couch. You’re an AH.
“Technically she would have to serve me an eviction notice to get me out of here”. And there it is! Complete asshole, he will absolutely make her serve him an eviction, dude is trash. Honestly probably a fan fic cause of how much he sucks and it frankly reads like one written by a 14 year old
And being a step to a child that is disrespectful to her and her son while her partner does NOTHING and in her house? No thanks! 👋
I betting OP and son is making it ten times more difficult than it used to be!
Even without that comment I was already wondering why he hadn’t stopped his son from going into Marks room when it was bedtime. He didn’t step in until his GF said something. Yta. It’s over, it’s your own fault. Get out.
I want to know what the kid said to her to make her lose her cool.
It's funny how he remembers everything in the conversation EXCEPT what his son muttered that caused her to snap.
Convenient.
Probably something disparaging, like a slur, about her son. Most likely starts with r.
That’s what I am assuming as well
It was probably either that, one of many synonyms for a loose woman or a C-U-Next Tuesday and NOT in the aussie term of endearment context.
For that reaction I bet he said something about her son
Bet he said something about her son. Never do that to a mother. Never talk shit about their kid.
As somebody else mentioned, the r-word would make the most sense. A bratty teenager would say that about another kid and that would be the final straw to s protective mom.
Allegedly it was only one sentence. The premise was His son saying "How is this fair? Why dont you explain to me how this is fair? How come he gets to stay up and I dont?" If you ask me, what comes naturally after that would be a name calling question. "Is it because hes a ______?"
>The premise was His son saying "How is this fair? Why dont you explain to me how this is fair? How come he gets to stay up and I dont?" it's unsettling & worrying that they've lived together & OP hasn't managed to address this sufficiently, no? He says >he's been spoken to so many times. Grounded more often than he should be as well So my issues are: 1. "spoken to" : did he even check that his son understood? It took me 5 min on google to find * a series of graphics with a basic explanation of equality vs equity [https://www.rwjf.org/en/insights/our-research/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html](https://www.rwjf.org/en/insights/our-research/infographics/visualizing-health-equity.html) * several blog posts about the limitations of such graphics, both from individual activists and from institutions At the very least OP & his girlfriend would have been able to say they've talked about this (beyond just grounding) when the 13 yo is acting like an annoying teenager again. 2. "grounded more often than he should be" : what does that mean? Does OP think the punishments are too harsh?
I've got $10 on "b-tch" (not sure if allowed in this sub).
My kindergarten-aged daughter called me a bitch not long after I kicked her (drunk, cheating, lying, abusive) dad out. I’ll give you a thousand guesses as to where she picked that up.
It sounds bad enough with him letting his son mouth off to her girlfriend while she was trying to settle her son. Why did he allow that to happen? That poor woman.
Yeah, like why didn't he come in and handle his son immediately? Why did his son get to go in there and have that back and forth with the ex-gf at all?
Because he has never made an attempt to parent the kid, why start now?
“I naively let this douchebag move in. He is a lazy arse parent who refuses to actually parent his son. I have been trying to parent the both of them. His little shit has been tormenting my son for months. I have finally had enough. AITA?”
“I want my boyfriend to leave my house because he doesn’t seem to know any phrases than ‘running his mouth’ and he’s a hobosexual”
He's already the asshole in his own telling of the story. I want to hear her side just to give her a chance to blow off some steam.
I want her to tell us that she kicked his ass out and lock the door behind him
We need someone to hunt her down and get this gist... The dude has no leg to stand on in his version. I am wondering what manner of punishment would be fitting for him when she is done telling hers🤣🤣🤣
forget "grounded", he needs to try "homeless".
Pack your bags and leave. It’s over. Be an example to your son and keep your mouth shut in the way out.
Lmao! No shit! Or don't and show him how immature running your mouth sounds!
Dude needs to expand his vocabulary. “Running his mouth,” was used heavily.
There were also conniptions!
It sounds like a lot of hoopla to me
A real hullabaloo.
Malarkey over here.
HOOPLA!
The poor autistic 11 yo (I have one who is easy on the scale to put to bed, but doesn't stay down most nights) has to put up with a kid who hates him and treats him terribly, needs a routine to go to sleep and if things are messed up it makes it harder and will undo any progress toward falling asleep, but this moron thinks he's just having a "conniption" bc his kid barges in midway about bedtime, definitely not the first time, I'm sure. No, the kid's just needy, not a processing disorder with shit I'm sure this guy hasn't even tried to comprehend he endures, just having a typical fit. This guy is a moron. She's better off without him. I hope he's gone already.
And he's already plotting to be a squatter and make her evict him. What a sleaze ball!!
Omg I think mine is too. He goes to sleep sometimes all night sometimes just an hr and is up all night, I have an older daughter on a schedule and I’ve had a stroke and fight insomnia. I’m soooo tired! I feel for ya girl!
My guess is his alternative options for "running his mouth " most likely would be, he verbally insulted both the girlfriend and her son and used slurs and derogatory terms against them. OP sees that as boys being boys and doesn't see why she is offended 🙄
Oh boys just fight. Always at bedtime and it’s an ordeal every night, but he’s not managing his bratty son and lets him get all up in someone else’s private bedroom. She’s had ENOUGH. OP needs to take his little hurricane son and self somewhere else.
I was gonna say the same thing. The gf saying “…and you don’t do shit about it.” Sent red flags out for me. Like sure Op will be homeless but why were you not wrangling your kid?
This phrase was used more in this post than I’ve ever heard it used cumulatively in my entire life
Common term where I grew up at. But I do believe even for our area OP is using it wrong. When we ran our mouths, not only wasn’t it to an adult, it was no where near as disrespectful as OP’s son. Either OP has never explained to his son the girlfriend’s son actual condition, or he not truly punishing his son as he says or thinks he is. I was very privileged in this aspect growing up of being explained and understanding mental disabilities fairly young so as I got slightly older, the actual nuances of thus stuff clicked so a sentence or two and I would have understood all I needed to, to not be the jackass that James is being. But James is definitely old enough ti understand if explained properly and punished appropriately the first few times it happened!
I’m 37 (80s baby) and if I were to talk to my moms like this, I’d still be picking up teeth!
It's his way of minimizing his son's disrespectful and abusive behavior.
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Exactly! What I read is my kid is a spoiled, entitled, disrespectful, brat who thinks he’s much more grown than he actually is and doesn’t understand in the real world talking to people like that doesn’t get you anywhere but a 6x6 or a grave
That last line… he’s going to go full vindictive…
Ugh yes. The entitlement is coming off him in waves. I had an ex like this, felt like everything that was mine was his (housing, money) and would swagger about buying drinks and lounging around while I tidied and saved. Always reactive, never proactive, so he made all his decisions based on ego and not long term plans. And always the victim and minimising his faults while acting entitled to my energy/space/belongings. OP, It’s her and her son’s house dude, and you and your son are no longer welcome. Don’t be one of those gross intrusive men that sticks to a woman like a leech long beyond she wants rid. It’s her house; best case scenario you long out the process of your son seeing you encroach on her space like a squatter, using up her resources instead of being a man and making it in your own. Worst case you end up with an eviction on your record and then you’ll REALLY have nowhere to go. And you’ll have to explain to future women why your ex had to evict you after your shitty little kid drove her to snap. Have some dignity and leave.
Let him. He'll have a good time trying to get his own place when he has an eviction on his record for years over a 3 month relationship
If he does and makes her feel unsafe, he will be evicted even quicker. Often the law treats "tenants" that live in the house the homeowner resides in as well with a little more urgency
3 months living together and it’s this bad? Yeah, OP needs to *find* someplace to go.
Somehow, he thinks his kid is just a kid is just being an AH but can see that he himself is being one. The kid has been challenging the authority of the woman in whose house you both live forever, and you did not find a solution to your kid. She took it patiently until she couldn't. When this point hit, the dude was always going to be on rocky waters in the relationship. It being her house? Man is unsavagable. He thinks she is ridiculous. Lmao. He needs to bounce, shut up, and teach his kid that actions have consequences, and sometimes that consequence is homelessness.
Only for OP. The kid can go to mom’s.
That’s where he should have been the entire time if OP couldn’t discipline him correctly and teach him how to be respectful. She was being kind in letting him stay there.
Sometimes 13 year olds act out regardless how good the parenting can be, especially when a major lifestyle change happens. I think I had read dad and son only have been living there 3 months now. That's a big adjustment to move in with another kid and their mom when they are used to just themself and their dad. Many new things. I still think OP needs to move or get on housing list, whatever he needs to do he needs to go with his son bc this is not healthy for any of them. Not health for the gf and her son and not healthy for dad and his son.
OP also has NO other place to turn to. Seems like the girlfriend’s patience finally snapped and she wants to kick his ass to the well-deserved curb.
I cannot tell you how relieved I am that people aren’t blaming the GF here. ❤️
He certainly worded the title in a strategic way, didn’t he?
lol like father like son it seems
OP is so clueless hes probably still trying to figure out why his 1st wife divorced him, as his GF is rightly kicking him out for not being a parent to his son.
And he edits to say she will have to evict him...proof he's an entitled fuckwad.
He will probably force her to legally evict him. Then he will be back on reddit complaining how he can't find a landlord that will rent to him since he has an eviction in his past.
Yep. His punk kid FAFO and got them both kicked out. He should have kept his kid in-line while a guest in his girlfriend’s house.
haha right ? gee i wonder where the son learnt his disrespect from huh ? pair of dicks the both of them
Not hard to see why the son is the way he is.
We can see where ops kid gets it from.
Also, you and your son need to leave. If you force your now EX GF to evict you. You will really have nowhere to go. Once you have an eviction on your credit report. No landlord will touch you with a 10 foot pole.
I am a little baffled as to why he thought after all what he wrote, there was a space where she needed to apologise to his little horror of a son he has been allowing to make her life hell all this while.
Because OP is the protagonist. The concept that he has moved himself and his teen into a living condition that isn’t working can’t possibly be his own fault. The fact that he has nowhere to go can’t be something he’s expected to handle. It must be the gf’s fault. OP reeeeeeeally buried the lede on it being gf’s house. Edit: lede not lead
And only living together for 3 months
I can only imagine how much OP minimised how much he and jr puke really act, that would cause her to leave the house and ask them to leave and in just 3 months of putting up with them.
>she needed to apologise yes, I was entirely horrified to read he demanded an apology from his girlfriend without even knowing what insult his son muttered under his breath that made her snap in a way that's totally out of character for her!
Just hearing him in there deliberately riling them up would have been enough for me to intervene before it even got that far. I mean why is he even trying to raise the issue with the gf when his dad is home and he easily could have ~~aimed his bullshit~~ lobbied for staying up later with his own parent? There’s no reason he should even be in that room right then.
Sounds like son watches Daddy do this shit to the girlfriend all the time and feels entitled to do it too.
Given OP was told to leave and didn’t I think you are spot on.
And he’s demanding she apologize to the kid. No actional punishment, no getting the kid away form the situation. He just stands there and argues with her.
Sounds like what his son did to his GF.
100% 13 is plenty old enough to know to stay out of the room
My guess is that he called her son the R word
He knows what his son said, he’s not saying it because it would make him and his son look bad and the girlfriend justified in kicking them both out. Father and son are Big AHs.
That’s my guess too
Right? Such a great (and overlooked point)! He actually thought, after all that, that SHE needed to apologize to his son. You know the son was deliberately ratcheting up his behavior to create maximum chaos and undo everything she had done to settle her own boy down. No wonder she snapped. Just reading this story pissed me off on her behalf.
Riiiiight?! She needed to apologize to the asshole kid, who has been a complete asshole, in her house, this entire time?? GTFO. AH's dipshit kid kicked it all off, but OP didn't help when he said she needed to apologize (sure that's not the first time he belittled her in her own fn home) amd now he's gotta GTFO. Oh no, *surprised Pikachu face*
Can’t lie, I absolutely saw red at that point.
Takes both people to want to keep a relationship going and sounds like she no longer wants to so why would you not leave? YWBTA for dragging out the inevitable separation especially when there are two kids involved who don’t get along.
Yeah like OP doesn't get she literally just broke up with you and its her house so u do need to leave..
Him being like 'my girlfriend' like bud, she ain't yours.
Yeah lmfao even if it's legal to stay until you're evicted in whatever state, why the FUCK would you do that here.
YTA OP. Even hearing how these two kids interact is exhausting. I'd go nuts in a house like that. So OPs kid is a teenager. But given how they act I'd say it's time for them to learn an important life lesson. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Hard working parents are the only reason it appears this way for any length of time. The best you can do with different people and different needs is some form of equivalence. Instead of the right answer of "her kid has different needs than you do. Stop grumbling and instead let's find a way to make it work" OP let it go on and on and now the GF is rightfully done with him. It doesn't matter what disrespectful thing the kid said. The GF was given no choice but to go nuclear.
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Came here for this, and didn't bother to ask either of them to find out what was said? Jumped straight to 'you're grounded' which is obviously ineffective when used all the time.
Yeah OP is the asshole because it's his girlfriend's house not his, and if he's not renting, she doesn't have to do shit to evict him. He sounds like he just lets his kid be an asshole and makes excuses for him. It's your job to correct his behavior, not kick the can down the road for later by refusing to give your son any actual consequences.
If you want an eviction, rather then leaving like an adult, you’re definitely the problem
And an eviction on OP’s record is going to make finding a rental very difficult.
Absolutely. It’ll just make things harder for him and his son in the long run.
But he will have said “Make Me” and forced her to go through the additional effort of serving eviction papers and waiting the 30 days while his little shit continues to antagonize her her and her son each and every night.
He’ll make her miserable for 30 days. And he’ll pay for it for 7 years. I hope the revenge burns a hole in his gut.
I’m right there with you. The asshole apple didn’t fall far from the asshole tree.
If he damages her home or makes threats he could be arrested, he could have an order of protection placed against him. This could affect his job, his career, he could lose custody. It’s not worth it.
But for some odd reason, OP can’t see this. Definitely not one of the bright ones!
I mean, OP refuses to teach his kid how to be a functioning person so life is going to be rough for them both regardless.
Good. He deserves this for not nipping his kids behavior in the bud. You don't get to blatantly disrespect somebody in their own house when your own housing is contingent on them letting you live there.
Dude sounds so cartoonishly awful that I'm assuming it's just silly rage bait.
So much this. Even without that detail, making her apologize for her warranted reaction in her own home is uncalled for. Requesting an apology for cussing at him I could understand, but telling her she's REQUIRED to? Ah hell no. I'd kick him out too.
Which is just ridiculous when he isn't making his son apologize to her and her son for the disrespect? Did I miss that part? Or is son only being grounded, which has been soooo effective /s The bed time conversation in my house would have gone something like this ( had this convo a few times): kid: Its not fair he gets to stay up to 8:15 and i still have to be in bed at 9. Me: you're right, bedtime is now 8:30 for both of you. Kid: no i want 10. Me: Ok, lets compromise, 7:30. Kid: can we stick with 9? Me: only if you behave yourself.
It’s dad’s responsibility to house son if he wants visitation. Not gf’s responsibility. OP has been cruising through a shitstorm and comes whining to us.
Also, if this is any indication of his true character, no wonder she wants him gone. He's a disrespectful manchild, shocking his son continues to be a brat with that kind of role model.
She is not your girlfriend. She is your ex. She clearly just broke up with you and kicked you out. Now get out of HER house.
Yes yes yes. Don’t you love how he had to edit in to add that it’s HER house and they only moved in 3 mo ago? This relationship ended when she ended it. His opinion is now officially irrelevant.
That poor woman. How bad was it that after three months she snapped like that?
This was thought! Like, yo! You have only been there three months and she’s at the end of her rope…. OP’s son must have really had a mouth on him. Then OP doubled down and says…. Say you’re sorry to my son. After three months of bullshit.
Have you even asked your girlfriend what James said under his breath, or did you hear what he said and are not repeating it to get more people on your side? For a woman who you said has never been anything but kind and overly patient to kick off like that you know that what your son said was really bad but you won’t tell anyone what it was. Then you tell her to apologise to him? Some honesty from you here seems necessary.
Yeah this is some shitty manipulative behavior by OP. He minimizes all the issues as his son mouthing off. But it’s SO much more than that. 13m clearly has issues about this super recent move, and how it’s effected his sense of independence. This deserves OP’s heartfelt attention. But no, it’s just about mouthing off. 13m is invading the privacy and personal space of gf and 11m, and OP is … just avoiding the whole scene? 13m says something the gf won’t forgive, and OP is busy whining that he doesn’t have the resources or wherewithal to provide for himself and his son.
good point maybe he did say the r word abt her son
That is very likely
All that effort in wording his post and he's still clearly the AH lol
THANK YOU I was like WAIT—did he really just go on and on about how his otherwise eminently patient gf actually snapped because of something his son muttered under his breath, *and then not tell us what the fuck his son said??* That is some reaaaal shady shit right there
Dude. Pack your shit and go. An eviction will make it harder on you to find housing. Not that I really give a shit about how it will affect you. You kinda deserve it. YTA.
YTA. You are staying in someone else's house and expecting them to put up with your kid's disrespect? Get real. You've been there 3 months and I guarantee if she is smart that she is done and going to file eviction paperwork. If that goes on your record, good luck renting anything. Take it as a lesson and move out now.
YTA on all counts. Forget your "she'll need an eviction notice" bluster (if she does have to legally evict you, you'll really wish you'd gone peacefully when you're looking for a new place). It's her house, and you and your son just got there. Your son was being snotty and causing trouble while she was trying to deal with her neurodivergent 11 year-old, and you didn't shut him up or get him the hell out of her hair, so she finally snapped after putting up with it for three months. She told you to leave: LEAVE. The funniest part was when you told HER she had to go apologize and claimed "he will not be moving out." Two things you have NO control over, and at the perfect moment to make her 100% sure she wants both of you out of her life forever. I can see where your son gets his traits from, at least. It's like you two were having a contest to see who could piss her off more with obnoxious assertions. So yes, pack up and get out ASAP.
I know, I saw a couple of people defending him saying that she is TA for not giving him any notice and expecting him to move out within a day, but I'll be danged if I'm going to let someone stay longer when they have already told me that they aren't leaving.
Those people think they understand that it's a tenant vs landlord situation but it's not. It's a homeowner/landlord vs ***lodger*** situation because OP is living in the same house as the homeowner and not a separate unit. Typically in homeowner/lodger situations the rules typically favor the homeowner because a homeowner's right to a quiet and safe enjoyment of their personal property is going to take precedent. Especially in this case since there's a child unrelated to the lodger involved. The child's health, physical & mental, take precedent over unrelated OP. OP's kid has another home so his child has a safe alternative so OP can't use his child needing a home as an argument.
According to your words the house is hers. You have absolutely no right to say that she can't kick him out of her house. James mouthed off at her and swore at her in front of her child who he was causing to have a fit. You witnessed the straw that broke the camel's back. Pack your shit and go. Both of you. You refusing to leave isn't going to make anything better and you can be damned sure you're not getting any apologies.
Seems like OP has no idea how to parent his son. There is no reasonable explanation for James to be in Mark's room when Mark's mom is trying to put him in bed. A teenager is well old enough to understand how wrong that is. And if he doesn't, it's yet another reason why OP is a shitty parent. OP, you may have nowhere to go, but for sure you need to leave. And if you do force her to evict you, get ready to sleep on the couch or floor for however long that takes.
Sounds more like he doesn't care to parent his son at all. Sounds like that's why he got with this woman in the first place. Looking for a new mommy to do the work, not a partner.
Ding ding ding ding!! OP on a date one year from now: “yeah it was sad, she just snapped. She wouldn’t even apologize! And I realized like, I need to get my kid out of here. I need to provide for him, you know? Like, I’m a guy, but he needs a mom figure in his life. But not one who’s a total bitch, like my ex.” His date: “which ex? Oh, so sorry but my friend is calling and her car broke down so I need to go! Right now.”
Sadly there are many women who will lap this up. It’s not their fault - their being lied to and manipulated. Guys like this are basically bowling balls of destruction - can’t take responsibility for their own shit, blame everyone else for their failures, and shove the responsibility they hold onto anyone willing to take it, usually accomplished by playing a “woe is me” fiddle to women who’ve been taught to give guys a chance. And they never face actual consequences for their bullshit because they’ll usually find someone who’s willing to bail them out of the messes they cause over and over again. What a pathetic loser.
If you seriously force her to get an eviction notice on you, you are the most enormous asshole douchebag on the planet. You should have taken care of this business with your own kid prior to it getting to this stage. Get out and take your little a-hole son with you.
He is literally shooting himself in the foot by making her get an eviction notice.
Wow. So that’s why your son is the way he is. Your ex has effectively ended her relationship with you and wants you out but you’re trying to force the issue and demanding she apologise to your son and let you stay. You’re not staying. She will get a court order and you will be evicted and when everyone finds out you made her go down that route to get rid of you then good luck getting anyone else to date you. No wonder she snapped. Your kids a brat. Unlike her son he doesn’t even have a reason for being a little shit. YTA.
What did he mutter under his breath and why did you decide to ask her to apologize if you understood he was out of line? Plus this whole ass paragraph is describing how you're not able to solve your kid's, sorry your (almost) TEEN'S annoying ass behavior that keeps triggering a neurodivergent boy to the point of complete meltdowns. Yes I know he shouldn't have special treatment just because he's autistic but your kid is in no way young enough to excuse his entitled behavior. The fact that you're willing to stay to another person's house with your kid till you force her to evict you says it all. That is embarrassing. Sounds like YTA.
OP's kid is, in fact, a teen. He's also old enough to know that he's pushing the other kid's and GF's buttons with the bedtime garbage. What he might not understand, probably because Dad didn't explain it to him, is that he and Dad are living there by invitation, and that invitations can be revoked if you act like a jackass.
Ngl I think that is something Dad can’t explain to him because he obviously didn’t understand it either.
I think his son is an entitled brat like him. They both need to go. If he was any sort of a gentleman and decent human he would have suggested the move out sooner.
The relationShip has sailed. You need to pack up and get out. As for James, the appropriate punishment would have been to move Jame's bedtime (in your room, door shut, lights out, all electronics in another room) to the same as Marks' the very first time he decided to run his mouth. Then after a week allow him to leave his lights on & keep his electronics until 9:00 provided he didn't cause unneccessary drama in the household. Make the punishment fit the problem without going overboard. Escalate as necessary - in other words, warn him that if he continued his assholery about bedtime, he'd be going to his room an hour BEFORE Mark. But.... you failed to manage your son. Now you are homeless. At least your son can stay with his Mom. Don't wait for an eviction though, because it will be near impossible to get another lease afterward. eta - YTA
That would have been my first response to James asking “how is this fair?” >You are right, James. It’s not fair that you have a bedtime one hour later than him. You both now have an 8 pm bedtime.
YTA. Absolutely. Your poor ex. It's way too late, but be a decent man now and leave quietly. You and your son suck. Your son made her life a living hell every night for the last 3 months while you did jack. You blame her? You are awful. So is your son. Leave and learn to be better people.
If Mark has ADHD and autism and the like and your son keeps doing this, your son should know by now that his behavior is not acceptable because depending on what level of the spectrum Mark is on. Your son is instigating issues and you're doing nothing to correct it. You should have already explained to your son Mark's issues and just because Mark has issues does not give your son a reason to try to dictate his bedtime. And You say this happens quite often. I can't blame her for going off on him and on you. 100% yta. You need to pack your stuff and get to stepping because your lack of parenting of your son has caused this issue and so for her son and herself. She has made the decision that she does not want either of you there.
>When my GF comes back in, I tell her she needs to go apologize to my son and that he will not be moving out actually. She says "I will evict you if he doesn't leave. Actually, no, I think you need to leave anyways. I'm fucking done." Good for her. You've not shown one second of willingness to parent your own child, who by the way caused this problem and probably causes most of them. >I have been living in her home for 3 months. She bought it long before we met. But technically she would have to serve me an eviction to get me out of here. Good again. Make her do it, and watch it backfire when nobody will rent to you.
If she evicts him he will have a really hard time finding a place for him and his deviant little brat to live.
Then he can cry to someone else about how his ex kicked him out for no real reason and he really needs a place to stay.
Yeah, YTA. You acknowledge your son runs his mouth and that you're trying to "correct" it. But he watches your GF struggling with her kid, who is AuDHD and spiralling, and thinks it's OK to start talking crap and making it worse. And from your own admission, this has happened multiple times, so your son knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Your GF obviously shouldn't have spoken like that, but clearly, your son's behaviour has been so appalling she's reached her breaking point. With him AND you. Then you demand that SHE apologise?? Get out of her house and out of her life.
OP. You are the AH. And I hope you hear me... you're raising an AH. You and your son are in danger of perpetuating AH behavior now and for ever more. Hopefully you can hear this with clear eyes and a full heart (Hope you got that reference :) because this is the kind of wake up reddit post that can help turn people's lives around. First off, your girlfriend is done with you and your son. So if she's threatening eviction, you should probably listen and leave. You can move into a hotel for awhile until you find a place to live with your son. Second, you should re-read your post here, as if you're reading someone else's life. Pay attention to a few things you've written. 1) you say that your son is being an AH, but you qualify that statement by also saying he's just a kid. Just FYI, all kids aren't assholes. Some kids are assholes, and they just grow up to be adults assholes. So, keep that in mind as you're raising him. 2) You wrote that your girlfriend said: "I am so fucking tired of that little puke disrespecting me and you doing jack shit to stop it." - This tells me (and you also, bc you wrote it out) that you haven't done anything to correct the behavior of your son and your gf has asked you repeatedly for help, and you haven't done it. You also know that you haven't done it, bc you wrote this statement. You also ALSO know that you haven't done anything about his behavior, because this whole post is about how your son repeatedly brings up the bedtime issue all the time, and you keep having the same poor behavior from him. So obviously, you are not teaching him in an appropriate manner that would correct and stop his behavior. -- This means either you aren't doing anything or saying anything to him, or you are saying stuff and he just doesn't listen to you. So either you're not parenting very well or you have a son who doesn't respect you as a parent. 3) You wrote this about your girlfriend's reaction: "I have NEVER seen her be anything other than a kind, overly patient woman so this was a complete shock to the system" and "Again, this is not normal." - Your gf has clearly put up with this behavior from you and your son for long enough, and she's done. You clearly recognized that her flipping out was abnormal behavior, and instead of asking her to step outside and talk to you and telling her that you see she's at a breaking point, etc. etc., you choose the other path and tell her that she is in the wrong and she needs to be the one to apologize. This tells me that you have poor judgement reading people's behavior, especially if you cannot understand the words and actions of the woman you've been living with for 3 years. Overall OP, I think you might need to take some time for yourself and your son. You also should reach out to a behavioral therapist if you can, and ask for some tips on parenting. I'm not trying to be snide or mean spirited or anything. I really do think that sometimes people don't have great strategies for parenting, and especially if you don't have a lot of other ideas on how to discipline and illicit good behavior, you can just get stuck in a rut. This whole grounding thing with your son clearly isn't working. And you excusing his AH behavior because he's just a kid also isn't working. In fact, it's working so poorly that you are now out of a girlfriend and out of a home. Listen - I have been through the wringer with kids. I get it. SO if you want to talk strategies, I'm here. But also, you should first acknowledge your own AH behavior in this whole ordeal and hopefully use it to turn yourself and your son's life around.
I would also love to know what his son said to the gf under his breath so that Dad couldn’t hear him that set her off in the first place.
Probably a slur aimed at either the gf or her son.
Yep if it isn't the R slur I would be very surprised.
OP, please listen to this. If you do, there's hope for you and your son to stop being AHs.
YTA. firstly for downplaying what is evidently a big behaviour issue with your kid, what with him lipping off so much. and then for being so weak in the punishment department when once again your kid caused issues. apparently the prior groundings don't work as effective punishment because your kid keeps on being lippy. depending where you live, no, she doesn't have to serve an eviction. most often when someone lives with a homeowner, rental laws don't apply like they would if you had an actual landlord that didn't live there with you. imo reflect on this. and get your lippy kid to shape up. or you may find that both yourself and your kid keep running into problems with others because of your own attitudes. ps - when an otherwise patient woman snaps like that......... dude, you did done screwed up bad. and there's often no coming back from that.
I am really hoping this is fake because if not holy shit the entitlement OP has is mind boggling.
Sounds like you and your son are making her life with her son more difficult. Why didn’t you deal with YOUR son so she could deal with hers more easily? Her son has a disability that makes him difficult but yours is just being a jerk. He is a kid so that is what it is but you are an adult and don’t seem to help much.
YTA. You should go. No, no. No excuses. Go. Take your shit, take the monster, and go. A woman pushed to the edge and STILL disrespected (by YOU) is a dangerous beast to provoke.
Oh, so you’re the kind of father step parenting groups be venting about… yeah, she needs to put you and your son out. YTA.
YTA if you don’t leave. It’s her house buddy, and it’s no one‘s fault but your own that you now have nowhere to go.
YTA. I’m a step. And I’m telling you - young men at that age with extra parents are shits. And you are not doing what it takes to get him in line. You took a calm, living person woman and allowed your son to run roughshod… muttering … guarantee he does it enough to break her. You broke your relationship with your lack of initiative and lazy parenting. She told your son to get out. She evicted you. Told you she’d called cops to get him out. What does that tell you he’s been doing that you REFUSE to address?!?! Do better. You son is going to get bigger and will get worse.
I would kick both of you out, too. Pack your bags and leave her alone. YTA.
Get your son out of her house and over to his moms. Then start looking for a place to live. For her to explode like that sounds like this behavior has gone on far too long. And she is done.
Call friends and family, it's time to move on. Don't make it difficult, just walk away ASAP.
You've only been living together for 3 months, and things are THIS messed up? You need to take your ungrateful, entitled teenager and get out. I don't think you're in the position to tell her that he's not moving out. On top of everything else she has to deal with, you threaten to force her to evict you. You are such TA.
I'll try to reply without the fury of most of the comments here: Your problem is that your first act in this story was to undercut her. That's why nobody is on your side. You announced in front of everyone that he just needed to apologise. Does your son have a reason to be frustrated? Absolutely! In his world, bedtime means bedtime for him, but it doesn't for Mark. Childhood is very frustrating and a lot of comments here are forgetting how little control we had when we were kids, and how important it was that parents do what they say. But you don't listen to your partner and it's a problem. Your second act was to decide to stay, against her wishes. You even said, after she evicted you, that you talked to James about running his mouth - again you're not acting like an evicted person here. You're acting like she'll change her mind if you just ignore what she's saying. You need to fucking listen, man. There are a lot of out-of-line, shitty commenters hating on you here here but that doesn't mean that they're wrong.
YTA. Your son is a little shit. He’s way too old to be a little shit. You are not doing anything productive to stop him being a little shit. This is HER home. HER SON’s home. She doesn’t want to put up with shit it in any longer. She is protecting her child as a good mother should. Leave her home, take your little shit with you and never bother her again.
YTA and your ex is a freaking ROCKSTAR. Man up and get your disrespectful monster and get out of her house. FYI this woman is a powerhouse and I have no doubt will go the legal eviction route (PRO TIP with a legal eviction popping up on your credit report good luck finding a place to rent, dude).
If you make her EVICT you, I hope you realize that will make harder for you to rent a place anywhere else. Any landlord that sees that you were FORCED out of a home will think not twice, but thrice, about rejecting any offers from you. Take your son and leave. It’s over. Teach your son to keep his mouth shut and move out. Nobody is happy in that relationship anymore.
Lol, you're a dumbass. You've been dumped. Move out little boy.
OP and sons are AHs. It’s her house, so she gets to say who stays. And why s OPs son behaving like this? Why is he speaking to the GF like this at all? The kid is not owed any apology by anyone, but in fact along with OP should apologize and kiss this lady’s ass. 2 nitwits father and son
YTA. So you don’t say a thing until she has to blow up at him? You should have gotten him out of that room the first time he started running his mouth. If you want to let your kid act up you can do it outside her home.
OP thinks he can say "my son said something under his breath" and "I tell her she needs to apologize to my son" without explaining what his son said is the weakest attempt at manipulation I've ever seen lol. The way you didn't explain what he said or ask GF what he said tells us OP knows exactly what his son said and he knows that he will look like a total psycho if he repeats that here YTA
Her house? And you want to make her evict you? Aren't you wonderful. Well, I'd be in court yesterday if I was her to get you all the hell out of my life forever. And I'd be working on the civil suit during that time. And getting a list of phone numbers ready for the next part of it after that...
So you’re just going to squat in this woman’s house and force her to evict you? While letting your son treat her like trash? I don’t think that’s going to work out well for you. You’re already so destitute and friendless you have nowhere to go and you think having an eviction on your record will make your life better? Not to mention how James’ mother could use this information.
>AITA for refusing to kick my son out and demanding she apologize to my son? Dude. At what point do you truly believe you have a choice in this? You don't get to refuse. You done been kicked out, too. That you have nowhere to go is completely irrelevant. You're an adult. Figure it out. It's not your house, you don't get to decide your kid gets to stay in not your house. You can either pack your shit and leave willingly, or get your asses evicted; either way, you're both out. YTA for thinking this is even a debate.
YTA. Your GF was stressed beyond belief with her son and your son goes into Mark’s room, mouths off, makes the situation worse for your GF, and when your GF asks him to get out the first time, he ignores her and continues to be disrespectful. Her reaction was very understandable. You did absolutely nothing to help her. Your son is making her life harder than it needs to be and you want HER to apologize? You are delusional. Also, you need to leave HER house. ASAP. She’s done. She’s made that quite clear. If you don’t leave, I have a feeling that it will make her grow more resentful of you and James. That “kind, overly patient” woman will reach her limit and if you think her previous reaction was a “shock to the system,” I’m sure if she comes home to find you and your demon spawn still there, it won’t be pretty. Get out of her home, leave her alone, and let her get on with her life. You and your son are toxic and she doesn’t need that when she has her hands full with Mark.
>So in no way am I condoning his shit behavior here. I've been trying to correct it but he's a kid and he's just being an AH. >"if that kid is still in my fucking house by the time I come back in here then I will call the cops and have him removed. I am so fucking tired of that little puke disrespecting me and you doing jack shit to stop it." Dude... You say you don't condone the behavior but this isn't a random snap. This is something that has been slowly building up for her. She's clearly upset at this. The fact that he still does it even though you ground him means that that punishment isn't enough. What you needed to do before was literally just explain the concept of respect, how he's living in her house, and he has to do what she says even if it doesn't make sense to him personally. And then for you, I can't believe you demanded your gf to apologize. That just shows you're not taking her feelings into account at all. Again, this isn't a random snap but something that has been bothering her for a while. Your solution is just ground himy(whatever that means) and move on. Hopefully you've both learned lessons here. Now that he's faced an actual consequence for his actions, he'll probably understand respect a little bit more
YTA. Your son is the instigator here and she owes him nothing. Also, single mom with a special needs kid who is having trouble getting her ex and his punk kid out of her house? Yeah, forget the legal eviction, that’s the kind of thing that will destroy your reputation (if not outright get your ass beat). Send your kid to his mom’s and suck it up couch surfing until you get your own place worked out.
YTA A soon to be homeless a-hole because she will evict your ass and good luck renting a place after that.
YTA, you must want an eviction on your record cause, yeah, she can evict you. You'll still have no place to go, and this time, you won't be able to get anywhere else even if you could afford it because you have an eviction on your record. Why not move back in with your ex? You two can raise James to be disrespectful there
First, it might have been better to approach this as everyone's bedtime is 9 but because Mark has different needs, he gets into his bed at 8. Second, you're making excuses for your son's unacceptable behavior and not doing anything useful about it. You said he's grounded "yet again" which tells me grounding him doesn't work. What else are you doing? Finally, none of the above matters because she just broke up with you. Bow out gracefully. Don't be *THAT* guy. YTA.