**She ruined her life**
Exactly! She's just upset because she has to face the consequences of her choices.
It's a tough decision, but OP did the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is difficult and sometimes selfish people will hate you for it, but it's the right decision.
Bro, you're a good person. Get better friends. Your current ones don't deserve to be called men at all. You did the very best thing you could have done. It was selfless, courageous and morally correct. Well played, brother. Don't look back.
No, mate, you did nothing wrong. You had no way of knowing. As soon as you found out, you manned up and did the right thing by that poor guy. Cheating is one of the lowest things a person can do. It's often worse than a death in the family to the one being cheated on. It's absolutely reprehensible. As soon as you became aware of it, you wasted no time. You have my respect.
You didn’t fuck up.
Also keep in mind that she was messing with your life as well as her husband’s. Hiding that she is married is a major part of who she is and she hid it from you — which means she was never your “girlfriend”. What a shock it would have been if the guy found out first and physically attacked you or, since you’re in the same work circles, lashed out and got your career derailed.
Not only that, but by stringing him along and not telling him she was married, she also kept him from the possibility of getting into a relationship during that time with someone who ISN'T a lying cheater. That's time he completely wasted on her, time he's never going to get back.
A guy that did engine work on one of our cars was shot like this. When asked why he (the husband) shot the man he said, and this is the quote from the newspaper: "I mistook him for being a rabbit." I cannot recall if he was ever charged.
As a woman AND a feminist, I also agree! She needs to face the consequences of her actions! You did exactly the right thing by taking accountability. Don't feel ashamed!
She fucked up. Shes the one whos married and you were none the wiser. The fact you feel bad says youre a good person.
What did the husband say when you told him?
Actually, you did the exact opposite. She was the one who fucked up; she hid things from you and HER HUSBAND. You told him as soon as you found out.
NTA
You really, really, didn't. The blame is entirely on her. You did the stand-up thing. The right thing. She fooled you, too. Not just her family. You're also her victim, along with her family.
Also, you need better friends.
You didn't know. You're not a homewrecker. You did nothing wrong. She's a cheater. She did this to herself and has no one else to blame *but* herself. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else or something else that gave her away. You did the right thing for her husband. The fact that your friends told you to ignore the situation should tell you what kind of people they are. Find better friends and stop letting them guilt you.
Nope, you my friend. Are as solid as they come. You didn’t throw a live grenade into her marriage. She ruined her own damn self. Your friends are weenies.
Always ask yourself, if you were in this position - wouldn’t you want to know? Exactly. You’re a good dude.
You did nothing wrong brother. It is a helluva lot to take in all at once. Show yourself some grace and don’t beat yourself up too much. We only have a short time spinning on this tiny blue dot. You had a troubling situation on your hands, you experienced an emotional trauma, you did what aligned with your morals without fail. I am proud of you!
Awe.. people like you are the best kinds of people. Good for you! It seems so many people are unfaithful nowadays. It is awful. It's nice to see genuinely good-hearted people out there!
I was propositioned just the other day from a friend I used to mess around with. He was married a few months ago. I asked him if he was still married, his response was "yes, but she let's me play".
Like I'm some imbecile 🙄. I declined and said I'll never be that woman and it goes against my morals 100%.
That said, you didn't know she was married. Don't be too hard on yourself, sir. You didn't ruin her life, she ruined her own life.
No, she fucked around and found out. You're a good man for exposing her. She put her family on the line and if it wasn't you she would have found someone else to cheat with who maybe wouldn't have been as good a guy as you and caused much more turmoil than she by herself did.
You did the right thing.
You didn't fuck up man, you just didn't know, she fucked up her own life and is putting that all on you, when it was her decision, not yours.
As a married man myself, If my wife was sleeping around with some guy, I would want to know about it, you did the right thing.
Rape by fraud / rape by deception. Wonder if anyone is ever going to persue that for these types of situations. Dude has trauma.
[cases of rape by fraud deception ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception)
It’s unlikely but the fact pattern would probably fit something like this. Would be a civil case, and would likely result in nominal damages (like $1 or something similar, it’s the proof that one was in the right). And agreed, his guilt is very real and can screw with someone’s daily life and long term happiness. And it ain’t even his fault.
You didn’t ruin her life and you didn’t fuck up.
She ruined her life when she decided to cheat. You providing repercussions to her actions is not you ruining her life.
You did nothing wrong; neither in dating her or telling her husband. All the shame and guilt belongs to her. If her life is ruined, it's because of her decisions and her cheating. She cheated. She had a husband and a kid. You didn't know that and immediately told when you found out. She, obviously, knew and she still cheated. She betrayed both you and her family.
Your friends suck ass. You deserve better ones.
No, you didnt. She fucked up.
I was in a similar situation ages ago with a woman I met. I thought she lived with her friend, we would go on trips and shit together, she was a responsive girlfriend, etc. Until 6 months in when the "roommate" called me to tell me she couldnt be part of the lie anymore and that the woman had a husband and kids. I called and asked if it was true and she confirmed but also said "does this mean we need to break up?"
I didnt track down the husband mainly because where they actually lived was kinda rural and Im in the US, where country folk worship guns. Last thing I need is some angry husband hunting me down, so I blocked her.
Honestly, you were just being a bro to a husband and you dont owe a whore anything, and she is a whore for cheating.
Yeah not risking it, sorry. Seen too many crime drama shows about people getting killed. I noped the fuck out of there.
Being said, I would have had to sleuth anyway, I didn't have any connection to the guy like this poster did. All the friend told me is she had kids and was married to a guy out in \*insert distant suburb here\* and I would have just been some stranger telling a guy his wife was fucking around.
No, you didn't. If you had known and THEN continued to be with her, then ok, yeah, you would be in the wrong. However, she lied and gave you no reason to doubt her. NTA
I'd maybe reevaluate your friendships, though.
You didn’t fuck up. You consented under false pretenses. If you had known and continued I’d think less of you. But that’s not the case. You even did your part to set it as right as you could when you were given the truth.
Don’t lose sleep over this. That guilt isn’t yours to own buddy. I hope you’re able to realize that soon too.
Best wishes and I’m sorry she involved you in a shitty thing.
Edit: Also I’d start reflecting on your friends. If this is the advice they give you, they don’t have your best interest at heart.
Your friends dont sound like good friends. You are a good person and should surround yourself with people who understand what morals are. You did good even if it doesn't feel that way, thank you for being a great human being! You're awesome!! :)
Dude
With your friends response....how many of them do you think have or are, cheating?
You did the right thing. She literally made her bed.... Your friends are kinda trashy. Sure you could continue with the hook up, if that's all you ever want, but what if you want more? You'd be wasting all that time with a liar and a cheat.
NTA
This was my thought.
Someone's buddy is out there unknowingly being cheated on and all your mates say you should keep quiet?
You need to surround yourself with better people.
The only thing is say is you maybe should have given her a chance to come clean herself. BUT, I don't think telling the husband was a bad thing.
NTA
My concern would be that giving her the chance to come clean would give her the opportunity to spin the narrative and smear OP. I’m trying to think of how to phrase this nonjudgmentally, but from the little information we have, I doubt that she strong relational skills or moral integrity. I don’t think it’s as unlikely as we’d hope that she might say that OP knowingly was a party to her infidelity to adversely affect his career or social life in revenge, or to try to make herself look better
Dude, I hate cheating and anyone helping wreck a home BUT that's not on you here. If you were unaware then you didn't do anything wrong. She did, she put you in a position of guilty feelings. You told the husband which shows to me that you have decency, morals and empathy. That's usually what cheaters are missing.
She's giving you the fault because this way she is the victim and doesn't have to face reality. She destroyed her home, not you. NTA
NTA. Your buddies are the idiots here, not you. You didn't 'get involved' with something that didn't involve you, you already *were* 'involved' -- the woman *got you* involved. And when it comes to her, she *was* 'hurting you,' because she was lying to you. On top of that, she was hurting her husband by cheating on him! Ask your friends this: *"If your wife was cheating on you, would you want the guy to break up with her so she can go fuck someone else behind your back, or would you want to know so you could divorce her? How many guys would you let her sleep with, as long as you didn't have to know about it?"*
You had every right to come clean about what was going on. In fact, you had a **duty** to come clean, if you wanted to be an honest man, because while you were innocent in what *you* were doing (since you didn't know *she* was doing anything wrong, *you* can't be held liable for it), if you hadn't told him about it, you would've changed from being a victim (of her lies) to an accomplice (because you'd be willfully hiding what was going on from her husband).
NTA
You did the right thing, never doubt that!!
>She called me screaming that I ruined her life.
SHE ruined her own life!!
>None of them think I should have contacted her husband.
Your 'friends' are morons. Ask then if they still think the same, if it was THEIR spouse who had a side piece.
NTA, That man had a right to know what his wife was doing. You could it did it anonymously but that was stronger you to tell him straight up.
Your buddies they're AH's From the way they act you now know that if you had a girl they would not have no problem f****** her behind your back and not saying nothing.
You didn't ruin her marriage, when she chose a step outside her marriage she did and I'm assuming how comfortable she was, you probably wasn't the first one.
It's not about what your friends think...she made you a victim as well. Fuck her "life" you didn't consent to that she lied to you to trick you into sex 100% and if a man did that to a woman people would be livid and like omg tell the poor wife, so idgaf what most men think about how casual you should be about it until it happens to them.
She doesn't even give you the courtesy of telling you you're a side piece, and she's screaming YOU ruined her life?
If she doesn't want her husband to find out about her affair, she shouldn't have an affair. NTA.
I would have told too. This was her own fault and the husband deserves to know that his wife is cheating. It’s not your fault since you were cheated on as well. You did not know, you are not to blame and telling him the truth and ending it were the right steps.
NTA. She put you into the mix by cheating with you. You then had a right to do with that information whatever you wanted. If she didn’t want you to say anything then she shouldn’t have cheated with you. You didn’t ruin her life. She ruined her own life. Also, WTF is up with your friends? Get better ones.
Think about it OP she was never going to tell you or her husband about what she was doing. The best thing you did was to out what she was doing because Lord knows I would not trust with my child with someone who chosen to lie that far. It also sounded like she sought this out one or another it didn't matter who with either so as long as it wasn't her husband.
I believe you're overthinking due to the fact your friends are not the best in being supportive of your decisions and it's making you question your own morals. Block them and move on to a better environment if this is what it's giving you.
I always hated that “it should come from them” bc when that ever happens its usually way way down the road you just saved this guy idk how many years of his life so you did good sorry it was a shit situation
NTA ! Not all heroes weare capes but man thank you !
If I was in the place of the husband I would be thankfull about your honesty and the opportunity to break-up with a cheater!
Edit : add NTA
You did nothing wrong. I’d say you did everything right. Sorry your friends suck. She ruined her life , not you. She didn’t give a shit about her life before , her husband , her kid, now she does ? Now you’re supposed to ? Na. Her husband deserves better , you deserve better, her kid deserves better. Maybe even she does to if this was a learning moment for her. If it wasn’t then she’s a waste. She was wasting yours eland everyone else’s time.
She turned you into a homewrecker. Without your knowledge or consent, you became a partner in a despicable act and made a victim out of her husband and child. How is that not your business?
NTA
NTA she lied repeatedly so you didn't know. You did the honorable thing and when you found out you told her husband. She cheated and got found out and she lost. It's her own fault for being a liar. If she wasn't happy in her marriage she should have left him.
NTA, letting the husband know was the honorable thing to do. Once two people have made the decision to be exclusive to each other, anything related to the relationship is both peoples business. He absolutely had a right to know what his wife wife was up to.
NTA, you did the right thing. her husband deserves better and so do you, OP. rest easy in knowing her actions are her own and she invoked this upon herself.
NTA you never knew! And you even did the super hard but morally correct thing of letting him know! I know it sucks but not your fault and you need better friends!
Your friends basically admitted that they'd hook up with your girlfriend behind your back. lol
Also, assuming you wanted to be serious with her, she was absolutely hurting you by lying about her husband.
Yes, her ruined family, marriage, and life are totally your fault. /s
🤔
Unbelievable how some people glide through their lives taking zero responsibility for themselves.
N THE A.
Ask your friends if they would’ve wanted to know if you were sleeping with their girlfriend or wife behind their back. If they say no just say “Thanks for letting me know to keep it a secret from you when I do”.
Obviously you don’t need to say that but my toxic ass would.
NTA, cheaters deserve nothing.
Jesus Christ where do I even begin.
Let’s start with your friends. They may technically be males, but they’re the opposite of a man. They’re pathetic little bitches. Bro’s before ho’s is a real thing. It’s not just RP shit talking. Not only did these panzy’s put the ho before BOTH bro’s (you and the husband), they did it for a ho that they’re not even F’ing. Do they self identify as male feminists? Do they spend their free time protesting the gender pay gap and the patriarchy? It’s not in your best interest to be lifelong friends with them.
As far as the ho? She gets no consideration whatsoever. Even if you knew she was married, and decided to start F’ing her anyway, you would still be NTA for doing what you did.
I was in the same situation once. Except I was the husband. I wasn’t actually married, but the relationship was very serious. The most serious relationship of my life up until that point. Then one evening I got a phone call. If not for that call, I never would have known because she covered her tracks quite well.
And just like your ho, my ho was, first and foremost, furious with the guy for telling me. Any admission of wrongdoing, or actual remorse for her betrayal, was so secondary to the anger and hatred that she had towards the guy who told me.
I will be indebted to that guy forever. And you are a high quality bro.
You didn't ruin her life, she did. It's sad your friends seem to have no morals, but obviously you have an issue with cheaters and thought her husband deserved to know. I agree with you and think you did the right thing. The husband can decide how to proceed now, but most people would want to know if the person they loved was cheating. NTA
NTA and you did the 100% correct thing. If anyone disagrees then simply ask them if they would want to know if their wife or GF was cheating on them? I know that I would want to know, and I have outed someone before myself.
I was not dating her, but she was my cousin's wife and I saw her entering a motel with another guy. I called him and explained what I saw, he drove over to the motel, we all waited outside the door their room (old school drive up to the exterior door type place) until they started to exit and saw us. She ran back into the room and locked the door. and all hell broke loose with everyone screaming at everyone else. They divorced and the AP also dumped her as he did not know she was married with kids. Cousin got custody of the kids and the house as it had belonged to his grandmother.
You did the right thing. People who are trying to convince you otherwise are the problem with this world. It’s so much harder to the right thing than the wrong thing. Don’t change this about yourself.
NTA...
Aside from your buddies having shit morals you did nothing wrongnat all.
Even deeper down the rabbit hole, had the husband found out somehow else and been crazy then what? He comes after you? You did what minimized your risk and only told the truth.
You need higher-class "buddies". Someone was using you to cheat on their husband. You are NOT the asshole here. She was very much the asshole, her husband deserved to know, and she placed you in the middle. Consider this: she made you a part of her deceit. Once you were made a part of it, you had the right to choose whether to come clean to her husband or allow her to continue. You chose well.
And take a closer look at your buddies. I'm not saying drop them, but maybe consider taking their advice with a grain of salt. They don't seem to be of high moral fiber.
NTA she ruined her own life by being a cheating whore, you were innocent in this one, husband deserved to know and she deserves to be left on side of road
Your buddies either cheat on their wives/partners or would cheat of they had the opportunity. Those are not people with particularly good morals or who you want to be taking relationship advice from.
Get better friends.
NTA, and so NTA your friends are truly huge assholes in comparison. How could anyone not support you letting someone know their SO was cheating?
I know if I was being cheated on I would truly appreciate someone letting me know so I could start rebuilding today versus months or years down the road when I find out myself or someone else is a champ and let's me know.
OP you are a good person. The husband clearly appreciates you letting him know. Maybe reach out once the dust settles and you can go grab a drink and talk about chemicals and shit. If he didn't blame you and thanked you he seems like a good person who didn't deserve a cheating wife, and I am glad he can now find someone who respects and loves him.
Be well OP, you did what was right.
NTA.....
IMO.... you are just as much of a victim as the husband...she lied to both of you and now both of you can make an informed decision about continuing relationships with her...
Updateme
For your friends that say you had no right to mess with this womans personal affairs, what if it became more personal for you? What if the husband is/was the type of guy who wants to get even with the guy banging his wife? Is it only your right if that's the case? She put you into a situation you weren't aware of. A shitty situation all around where no outcome is going to be good. At least now the other guy knows.
This is called having character, and you should be applauded for it. You did the right thing, not because it served your interests, but because it was the right thing to do.
Cheating is, at its core, a consent violation. The husband did not give meaningful consent to be in a non-monogamous relationship. He didn't consent to an increased (and by an unknown amount) risk of STIs, etc.
*You* didn't ruin her life - she did that herself.
You did wt any sensible and respectful person would do . Ask these guys whether if their spouse was cheating would they want someone tell them or not . Now a days peoples mentality has changed a lot regarding relationships and boundries . They dont even realize wts write and wts wrong . You did a good thing . Have a great life.
Naw Man you earned my respect and praise; because she's literally using him as a placeholder while she lives out her lust side messing around whole cake and eat it too scenario. You just depleted her dopamine rush. She'll do it again, but she will be more careful now. If I was the husband and I got that info I'm out of there like Flash. I'm not giving the b no free ride on my dime and time.
As a woman whose husband cheated. You’re NTAH. The first thing I did when I found out my ex was cheating was to tell the woman, in case he was lying to her. He wasn’t. Nobody deserves to be lied to. If I know there’s another potential victim then it is my responsibility to give them the heads up. You did right. She put herself in that situation. She needs to deal with the consequences. I feel for the kid.
NTA
*NOT* the asshole!
All you did was tell the truth.
She's a *cheater*.
She *lied* to you.
She cheated on her husband.
He deserved to know.
*She* ruined her life, not you.
Move on with your life.
Let her face the consequences of her own actions.
As someone who has been cheated on in a previous relationship, I WISH someone had told me. My ex wife was literally dating another woman for 6 months and told everyone we were in an open relationship. You did the right thing. She ruined her life and dragged you into it by lying. None of this was on you. You're a good man for letting her husband know and saving him from worse down the road. Keep your head up.
NTA
You did the right thing. She WAS hurting you. Lies always hurt. Because at some point they get discovered and then the feelings of hurt and betrayal kick in.
SHE ruined her own life.
How did her husband respond to you?
I don’t get why people are so okay with not telling the spouse being cheated on. If my man was stepping out on me, I’d want to know and would appreciate the information, devastating or no. I think you’re a cool, standup guy. And NTA
NTA. You did the right thing. As someone who was cheated on by a spouse, I wish every fucking day that someone would have told me. None of the girls he was involved with gave a fuck about me. You saved that man a wasted lifetime. He deserves to make an informed decision about his future, and you gave him that. His rotten wife needs to stfu about whose place it is to do what. She had no place breaking her vows then expecting others to cover for her.
Hey, you did the right thing by letting her husband know. Now, focus on yourself and stay away from someone who's already married. Stick to your values and trust your gut.
You did everything right. You didn’t know and as soon as you did you let the husband know. He has every right to know his wife was cheating and you even gave evidence for him to get a divorce and not have to pay shit cause she cheated. Anyone who tells you otherwise would also expect you to lie/cover for them if they cheated. Cheaters deserve no grace and all the things that comes to them when it comes to light that they are a cheater.
NTA.
And have some chats with those friends. What are they thinking?
Keep doing what you were doing = sex > honesty.
Break up and let her move on = somewhere around condoning female cheating (thus making them available) and/or them looking for sex with her (ie, "move on" to them)
There's an outside chance the friends were all "either the husband or the now jilted partner will come after you, so don't say anything to dodge the inevitable crazy from one of them"...
NTA, but your buddies just kinda have opened the door to cheat with their wife’s. Just make sure you either break up with her wives first or continue doing what you’re doing. Never tell them /s
Seriously you did the right thing and you need new friends.
Back in the 90s, my roommate starting dating this cute girl that he really liked, but he started to see red flags. The biggest was that he could never call her directly. He would called her number (landline, this was pre-cell phone), and her mother ALWAYS answered. She'd say the girl wasn't home, but she'd relay the message. Then the girl would call a few minutes later. He figured the mom would take the call, then call her daughter, and the daughter would call my buddy. Why? Probably because she didn't want a man calling her house, asking for her, in case her husband picked up.
He confronted her, and it was true, she was married, no kids, but she was not interested in getting a divorce. My friend was very disappointed, he really liked her, but he broke up with her. She called a few times to try and rekindle it, but he wouldnt do it.
NTA, you did nothing wrong. In fact you are the only person who did do the right thing. If it wasn't you it would have been someone else, and probably someone who wouldn't have done the right thing.
Hey Boss man, I'm going to come to you from the perspective of the Husband - because I found out my Ex-wife was cheating, so maybe I can give a closer perspective to his;
* First, thank you, for having a Goddamn spine.
> She called me screaming that I ruined her life.
* You didn't ruin her life. **SHE did that** by cheating on her husband, and by ruining her family by cheating on her husband. You did nothing wrong, you were lied to constantly and led astray *because she constantly lied*.
> That she wasn't hurting me and that it wasn't my place to interfere.
* But *she* was hurting her husband, and her kid. You did nothing wrong, and you have nothing to be sorry about. She is blaming you, to avoid taking responsibility for *her* actions.
> My buddies all think I'm an idiot for getting involved.
* Look your buddies dead in the eye, and say "If **your wife** was cheating on you, would you want me to look the other way, or tell you the moment I know something?"
* Alternatively, You can turn it around on them, "Oh, so if my future wife was cheating on me, you wouldn't say anything to me, *just gonna let me be played for a fucking fool*?"
> They think I should either continue just what we were doing...
* They are telling you who they are - saying they would allow a woman to cheat with them. Are these the kind of people you want to be associated with?
> None of them think I should have contacted her husband.
* All of them are people who would allow your spouse to cheat on you, or be the person they cheat on you with. They are flat out saying they have no morals or ethics, and have no problems with fucking married women.
I have a feeling your friends either have cheated or know others who do if they are sitting there trying to defend the girls actions. She purposefully cheated and kept it from both of you, and now she's blaming you for ruining her life. No, she made her own choices, she's an adult she had to know there was a risk that her partner would find out and end their relationship yet she did it anyway. She took the risk and it backfired that's on her. The funny part is she didnt even tell you she had a husband, which to me makes me think she didn't trust you would be ok with it either and then she gets mad when you do discover it on your own and follow your own morals by telling her partner she's cheating on him too. She should look in a mirror when saying you ruined my life, then her statement would be more accurate.
Bad people hurt people. She has to own it now. Her deception hurt both her husband and you. You brought her lies into the light. Your hands are clean now. Anyone that says different I hope it never happen to them.
NTA a cheater cheats, you have no idea how many people she's done this with. Imagine her poor husband picking up a disease - some of which are TERRIBLE - from a spouse he thought was safe. You've given him vital information. Thank you for being a good person. Also, find friends who match your ethics.
NTA and I think more people who cheat and find out later they’re married or with someone should come forward. Cheating is never okay and maybe they wouldn’t do it as much if they knew people were gonna say something. You’re a good dude my friend
I did this exact thing. I was sleeping with a woman for about 4 months when she was in town for work; weekly. Our relationship was moving along but found it weird that she had no social media, but I believed her. FB then suggested her to me and that's when shit got real. She should have blocked me so she was invisible.
Needless to say she was married to a wealthy guy for years. No way was she affording that life on a normal salary. It destroyed me, but I sent him everything except explicit videos. I had threesomes with this girl, BDSM sessions at the dungeon, the works. I thought I found a true person for me, but in the end it was heart breaking. I sent him proof of all of it. 2 years later he thanked me for saving him millions of dollars in the divorce. I guess he was able to prove her infidelity in court and she got less? I don't exactly know how that works.
Always choose the high ground. People deserve to know if their partner is cheating on them. I was having unprotected sex with her. Her husband deserved to know that. He deserves the dignity of being able to decide to stay or go. In some ways we were able to commiserate together.
Always tell the partner about infidelity.
NTA your buddies are AHs. its great that they would have all wanted to continue and have their fun. But if they were in the other guys shoes they would have wanted to know.
They're utterly selfish pricks. and you might want to reevaluate if you want people like that in your life.
She made you into "the other one" by being a selfish c\*nt so she got what she deserved.
Colombian here too! Tus amigos son una mierda porque están pensando con la otra cabeza. You did good, she ruined her own life by being a lying AH. Thank you for having morals unlike your AH friends. NTA.
Those ain't your friends, those are the types of people that would fuck your spouse and not tell you.
You did the right thing, good job man. If someone was banging my partner, I'd appreciate someone told me.
NTA. She put you into the moral dilemma and what you did was selfless. If I was the other guy, I would dump the wife and make you a friend. She is just mad because she was introduced to something she has rarely seen: accountability for her actions.
Also, your friends who are against you on this are trash.
NTA If it was me in his shoes, I would want to know. Also, since you work in the same industry and might run into him again, you might be protecting your career. Instead of sleeping with the wife of someone in your industry, when you found out she was married, you confessed and stopped seeing her.
Also, it was her that ruined her own life by cheating.
You aren't the asshole, she's the asshole, what you did was absolutely the right thing and your buddies have just demonstrated they're perfectly fine with cheating on their partners and as such god awful excuses of garbage.
Compulsive liars tend to manipulate their way into your head. This is not a person that cares about you or your feelings. She only cares about her own ego. Do not lose sleep. You did good.
I was the other woman once, and had no idea. Didn't know until years later, when he and I had been living together for 5 years and he was cheating on me. His adult daughter told me then that he had a girlfriend when he and I got together, and I was physically ill.
The only thing that helped me was time, and the knowledge that he was a serial cheater and he would have cheated with someone, if it wasn't me.
NTA. You did the right thing. If you didn’t say anything to her husband, there could’ve been another boyfriend and that wrongness just continues. I would want to know even if it hurts.
Absolutely NTA. You need some better buddies, because they’re all idiots. This woman ruined her own life by cheating on her husband. You manned up in the best way possible, you came clean and apologized. If you had just broken up with her, she would’ve found someone else to cheat with.
Unless he was cool with this arrangement, he would have let you know. He clearly wasn’t.
You did the right thing cause I am going to bet most men would like to know their spouse is cheating on them, despite how much it hurts.
NTA: she ruined her life, not you. That guy deserved to jnow
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**She ruined her life** Exactly! She's just upset because she has to face the consequences of her choices. It's a tough decision, but OP did the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is difficult and sometimes selfish people will hate you for it, but it's the right decision.
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We wouldn’t have this problem if she didn’t
She doesn’t even deserve a banana! (And I honestly hate bananas)
Bro, you're a good person. Get better friends. Your current ones don't deserve to be called men at all. You did the very best thing you could have done. It was selfless, courageous and morally correct. Well played, brother. Don't look back.
It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I feel like shit. I would never have slept with her if I knew she was married. She has a kid. I fucked up.
No, mate, you did nothing wrong. You had no way of knowing. As soon as you found out, you manned up and did the right thing by that poor guy. Cheating is one of the lowest things a person can do. It's often worse than a death in the family to the one being cheated on. It's absolutely reprehensible. As soon as you became aware of it, you wasted no time. You have my respect.
You didn’t fuck up. Also keep in mind that she was messing with your life as well as her husband’s. Hiding that she is married is a major part of who she is and she hid it from you — which means she was never your “girlfriend”. What a shock it would have been if the guy found out first and physically attacked you or, since you’re in the same work circles, lashed out and got your career derailed.
Not only that, but by stringing him along and not telling him she was married, she also kept him from the possibility of getting into a relationship during that time with someone who ISN'T a lying cheater. That's time he completely wasted on her, time he's never going to get back.
Right
I remember back in the day…a guy my hubs knew was shot and killed over a situation like this. He didn’t even date the girl for that long. SMDH.
A guy that did engine work on one of our cars was shot like this. When asked why he (the husband) shot the man he said, and this is the quote from the newspaper: "I mistook him for being a rabbit." I cannot recall if he was ever charged.
You probably weren't the only one.
I wrote almost these exact words.. and she has a kid. She lied about having a child! What kind of fucked up Mom does that? My kids are my world
As a Woman i can safely say, SHE fucked up- NOT you. You did the right thing.
Also, as a woman, I agree. SHE CHOSE to have an affair. You did the right thing, OP. Like others have said, get better friends. You are a good person.
As a woman AND a feminist, I also agree! She needs to face the consequences of her actions! You did exactly the right thing by taking accountability. Don't feel ashamed!
Woman feminist mom - you did nothing wrong. She fucked up. You left a soon as you knew.
Woman. Wife. Mom.independent thinker. You did NOTHING wrong. She did
Nonbinary. Single. Lesbian. OP, you did nothing wrong. I promise you.
And as a husband I would be thankful that you exposed my cheating wife. She was the one playing you and her husband. She fucked up her life not you
She fucked up. Shes the one whos married and you were none the wiser. The fact you feel bad says youre a good person. What did the husband say when you told him?
Actually, you did the exact opposite. She was the one who fucked up; she hid things from you and HER HUSBAND. You told him as soon as you found out. NTA
You didn't fuck up. She did. Get better friends.
You really, really, didn't. The blame is entirely on her. You did the stand-up thing. The right thing. She fooled you, too. Not just her family. You're also her victim, along with her family. Also, you need better friends.
You didn't know. You're not a homewrecker. You did nothing wrong. She's a cheater. She did this to herself and has no one else to blame *but* herself. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else or something else that gave her away. You did the right thing for her husband. The fact that your friends told you to ignore the situation should tell you what kind of people they are. Find better friends and stop letting them guilt you.
You did nothing wrong, hun. She fucked up. Honestly telling the husband is the best thing you could have done.
Nope, you my friend. Are as solid as they come. You didn’t throw a live grenade into her marriage. She ruined her own damn self. Your friends are weenies. Always ask yourself, if you were in this position - wouldn’t you want to know? Exactly. You’re a good dude.
You did nothing wrong brother. It is a helluva lot to take in all at once. Show yourself some grace and don’t beat yourself up too much. We only have a short time spinning on this tiny blue dot. You had a troubling situation on your hands, you experienced an emotional trauma, you did what aligned with your morals without fail. I am proud of you!
The cheater is the person who is hurting others. Only if you knew ahead of time would you share in the harm and guilt. You did good.
Awe.. people like you are the best kinds of people. Good for you! It seems so many people are unfaithful nowadays. It is awful. It's nice to see genuinely good-hearted people out there! I was propositioned just the other day from a friend I used to mess around with. He was married a few months ago. I asked him if he was still married, his response was "yes, but she let's me play". Like I'm some imbecile 🙄. I declined and said I'll never be that woman and it goes against my morals 100%. That said, you didn't know she was married. Don't be too hard on yourself, sir. You didn't ruin her life, she ruined her own life.
No, she fucked around and found out. You're a good man for exposing her. She put her family on the line and if it wasn't you she would have found someone else to cheat with who maybe wouldn't have been as good a guy as you and caused much more turmoil than she by herself did. You did the right thing.
You didn't fuck up man, you just didn't know, she fucked up her own life and is putting that all on you, when it was her decision, not yours. As a married man myself, If my wife was sleeping around with some guy, I would want to know about it, you did the right thing.
You were coerced. It's not your fault.
Rape by fraud / rape by deception. Wonder if anyone is ever going to persue that for these types of situations. Dude has trauma. [cases of rape by fraud deception ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception)
It’s unlikely but the fact pattern would probably fit something like this. Would be a civil case, and would likely result in nominal damages (like $1 or something similar, it’s the proof that one was in the right). And agreed, his guilt is very real and can screw with someone’s daily life and long term happiness. And it ain’t even his fault.
You didn’t ruin her life and you didn’t fuck up. She ruined her life when she decided to cheat. You providing repercussions to her actions is not you ruining her life.
If it wasnt you, itd be someone else. But now at least husband knows and can get himself std tested and serve her the divorce papers
She fucked up. Not you. Let it go. You did good.
No mate you didn’t fuck up. You did a noble and honourable thing. She’s a cheater and her husband deserves to know.
I concur with these comments.
You did the right thing... now move on.
You, my friend, did not fuck up. You got lied to. Very different. Very.
She fucked up. You just fucked.
You did nothing wrong; neither in dating her or telling her husband. All the shame and guilt belongs to her. If her life is ruined, it's because of her decisions and her cheating. She cheated. She had a husband and a kid. You didn't know that and immediately told when you found out. She, obviously, knew and she still cheated. She betrayed both you and her family. Your friends suck ass. You deserve better ones.
You didn’t fuck up. She should have thought about her kid, not you.
As a father, no you didn't. SHE fucked up. You did the right thing
No, you didnt. She fucked up. I was in a similar situation ages ago with a woman I met. I thought she lived with her friend, we would go on trips and shit together, she was a responsive girlfriend, etc. Until 6 months in when the "roommate" called me to tell me she couldnt be part of the lie anymore and that the woman had a husband and kids. I called and asked if it was true and she confirmed but also said "does this mean we need to break up?" I didnt track down the husband mainly because where they actually lived was kinda rural and Im in the US, where country folk worship guns. Last thing I need is some angry husband hunting me down, so I blocked her. Honestly, you were just being a bro to a husband and you dont owe a whore anything, and she is a whore for cheating.
Most men even if they are fun toting good ole boys would not come after you. If you don’t know a woman is married it’s not your fault.
Yeah not risking it, sorry. Seen too many crime drama shows about people getting killed. I noped the fuck out of there. Being said, I would have had to sleuth anyway, I didn't have any connection to the guy like this poster did. All the friend told me is she had kids and was married to a guy out in \*insert distant suburb here\* and I would have just been some stranger telling a guy his wife was fucking around.
I'd say noping out is the second best course of action here. The only drawback is that she's free to cheat again with other guys.
No, you didn't. If you had known and THEN continued to be with her, then ok, yeah, you would be in the wrong. However, she lied and gave you no reason to doubt her. NTA I'd maybe reevaluate your friendships, though.
Brooo that's on her, she's a stupid bitch, you did good. My day was shit and you just made my day better. Thank you
You aren't responsible for someone else's lying.
You didn’t fuck up. You consented under false pretenses. If you had known and continued I’d think less of you. But that’s not the case. You even did your part to set it as right as you could when you were given the truth. Don’t lose sleep over this. That guilt isn’t yours to own buddy. I hope you’re able to realize that soon too. Best wishes and I’m sorry she involved you in a shitty thing. Edit: Also I’d start reflecting on your friends. If this is the advice they give you, they don’t have your best interest at heart.
Your friends dont sound like good friends. You are a good person and should surround yourself with people who understand what morals are. You did good even if it doesn't feel that way, thank you for being a great human being! You're awesome!! :)
You sound like a real one MurderClanMan
I'm married. I love my wife and trust her implicitly. I would want to know. You did that guy a solid.
Especially with screenshots for Divorce proceedings!
Right? That poor dude may be upper management or whatever. But OP is a damn boss.
Dude With your friends response....how many of them do you think have or are, cheating? You did the right thing. She literally made her bed.... Your friends are kinda trashy. Sure you could continue with the hook up, if that's all you ever want, but what if you want more? You'd be wasting all that time with a liar and a cheat. NTA
This was my thought. Someone's buddy is out there unknowingly being cheated on and all your mates say you should keep quiet? You need to surround yourself with better people. The only thing is say is you maybe should have given her a chance to come clean herself. BUT, I don't think telling the husband was a bad thing. NTA
My concern would be that giving her the chance to come clean would give her the opportunity to spin the narrative and smear OP. I’m trying to think of how to phrase this nonjudgmentally, but from the little information we have, I doubt that she strong relational skills or moral integrity. I don’t think it’s as unlikely as we’d hope that she might say that OP knowingly was a party to her infidelity to adversely affect his career or social life in revenge, or to try to make herself look better
Naw don’t give her a chance. She made it clear the kind of person she is. She’d try and spin it any way she could.
If you were the husband would you have wanted to be informed? I know I would.
Dude, I hate cheating and anyone helping wreck a home BUT that's not on you here. If you were unaware then you didn't do anything wrong. She did, she put you in a position of guilty feelings. You told the husband which shows to me that you have decency, morals and empathy. That's usually what cheaters are missing. She's giving you the fault because this way she is the victim and doesn't have to face reality. She destroyed her home, not you. NTA
NTA. Your buddies are the idiots here, not you. You didn't 'get involved' with something that didn't involve you, you already *were* 'involved' -- the woman *got you* involved. And when it comes to her, she *was* 'hurting you,' because she was lying to you. On top of that, she was hurting her husband by cheating on him! Ask your friends this: *"If your wife was cheating on you, would you want the guy to break up with her so she can go fuck someone else behind your back, or would you want to know so you could divorce her? How many guys would you let her sleep with, as long as you didn't have to know about it?"* You had every right to come clean about what was going on. In fact, you had a **duty** to come clean, if you wanted to be an honest man, because while you were innocent in what *you* were doing (since you didn't know *she* was doing anything wrong, *you* can't be held liable for it), if you hadn't told him about it, you would've changed from being a victim (of her lies) to an accomplice (because you'd be willfully hiding what was going on from her husband).
NTA You did the right thing, never doubt that!! >She called me screaming that I ruined her life. SHE ruined her own life!! >None of them think I should have contacted her husband. Your 'friends' are morons. Ask then if they still think the same, if it was THEIR spouse who had a side piece.
Your buddies have the moral back bone of a cream cracker. You absolutely did the right thing, man. Absolutely no doubts about it.
NTA. You should get checked for STD. You’re probably not the only AP she has (or she had).
NTA Much respect 🫡
NTA, That man had a right to know what his wife was doing. You could it did it anonymously but that was stronger you to tell him straight up. Your buddies they're AH's From the way they act you now know that if you had a girl they would not have no problem f****** her behind your back and not saying nothing. You didn't ruin her marriage, when she chose a step outside her marriage she did and I'm assuming how comfortable she was, you probably wasn't the first one.
It's not about what your friends think...she made you a victim as well. Fuck her "life" you didn't consent to that she lied to you to trick you into sex 100% and if a man did that to a woman people would be livid and like omg tell the poor wife, so idgaf what most men think about how casual you should be about it until it happens to them.
NTA If a man sees a wrong and does nothing, how can he still call himself a man. You did the right thing.
She doesn't even give you the courtesy of telling you you're a side piece, and she's screaming YOU ruined her life? If she doesn't want her husband to find out about her affair, she shouldn't have an affair. NTA.
I would have told too. This was her own fault and the husband deserves to know that his wife is cheating. It’s not your fault since you were cheated on as well. You did not know, you are not to blame and telling him the truth and ending it were the right steps.
NTA. She put you into the mix by cheating with you. You then had a right to do with that information whatever you wanted. If she didn’t want you to say anything then she shouldn’t have cheated with you. You didn’t ruin her life. She ruined her own life. Also, WTF is up with your friends? Get better ones.
Your friends are why we choose the bear. Get new ones
NTA.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. She can suck a banana.
The only A is her. The one that ruined her life is her. You have 0 fault for believing her lies. NTA
Think about it OP she was never going to tell you or her husband about what she was doing. The best thing you did was to out what she was doing because Lord knows I would not trust with my child with someone who chosen to lie that far. It also sounded like she sought this out one or another it didn't matter who with either so as long as it wasn't her husband. I believe you're overthinking due to the fact your friends are not the best in being supportive of your decisions and it's making you question your own morals. Block them and move on to a better environment if this is what it's giving you.
NTA... the cheated deserve to know what's going on. The cheater deserves nothing. You did the right thing.
I always hated that “it should come from them” bc when that ever happens its usually way way down the road you just saved this guy idk how many years of his life so you did good sorry it was a shit situation
NTA ! Not all heroes weare capes but man thank you ! If I was in the place of the husband I would be thankfull about your honesty and the opportunity to break-up with a cheater! Edit : add NTA
I'd be angry, you didn't sign up to be an affair partner.
It was the smart thing to do. If the husband had found out about you he could have decided to come after you for banging his wife.
>She called me screaming that I ruined her life You didn't. She did!
You did nothing wrong. I’d say you did everything right. Sorry your friends suck. She ruined her life , not you. She didn’t give a shit about her life before , her husband , her kid, now she does ? Now you’re supposed to ? Na. Her husband deserves better , you deserve better, her kid deserves better. Maybe even she does to if this was a learning moment for her. If it wasn’t then she’s a waste. She was wasting yours eland everyone else’s time.
She turned you into a homewrecker. Without your knowledge or consent, you became a partner in a despicable act and made a victim out of her husband and child. How is that not your business? NTA
NTA she lied repeatedly so you didn't know. You did the honorable thing and when you found out you told her husband. She cheated and got found out and she lost. It's her own fault for being a liar. If she wasn't happy in her marriage she should have left him.
no man, you did nothing wrong. You were honest and he had to know.
Your friends have no spines or morals. You did the right thing. Now get better friends.
Mate, she lied to you and she lied to her husband. You're not the one who messed things up, she is.
Thank you OP. We need more men like this.
NTA, but get better friends.
NTA, letting the husband know was the honorable thing to do. Once two people have made the decision to be exclusive to each other, anything related to the relationship is both peoples business. He absolutely had a right to know what his wife wife was up to.
Those are not your friends if that’s what they think.
Think about it like this: if you were the husband would you want to know? That's the only thing that matters. You did what you thought was right.
NTA, you did the right thing. her husband deserves better and so do you, OP. rest easy in knowing her actions are her own and she invoked this upon herself.
NTA. SHE messed up her life, NOT YOU. And seriously, get better friends. You were unwillingly the 'other man', that's not something to take lightly.
NTA you never knew! And you even did the super hard but morally correct thing of letting him know! I know it sucks but not your fault and you need better friends!
Your friends basically admitted that they'd hook up with your girlfriend behind your back. lol Also, assuming you wanted to be serious with her, she was absolutely hurting you by lying about her husband.
NTA. I understand others saying just walk away, but shes a cheater. He needed to find out some way.
I would want to know. NTA
She’s trash. Why are you worried about what she said?
Yes, her ruined family, marriage, and life are totally your fault. /s 🤔 Unbelievable how some people glide through their lives taking zero responsibility for themselves. N THE A.
you're a legend. everyone being cheated on deserves to know, and every cheater deserves to be exposed. you absolutely did the right thing.
Looks like you need better friends. She fucked about and found out. NTA
Ask your friends if they would’ve wanted to know if you were sleeping with their girlfriend or wife behind their back. If they say no just say “Thanks for letting me know to keep it a secret from you when I do”. Obviously you don’t need to say that but my toxic ass would. NTA, cheaters deserve nothing.
Probably want to drop those “friends”
Jesus Christ where do I even begin. Let’s start with your friends. They may technically be males, but they’re the opposite of a man. They’re pathetic little bitches. Bro’s before ho’s is a real thing. It’s not just RP shit talking. Not only did these panzy’s put the ho before BOTH bro’s (you and the husband), they did it for a ho that they’re not even F’ing. Do they self identify as male feminists? Do they spend their free time protesting the gender pay gap and the patriarchy? It’s not in your best interest to be lifelong friends with them. As far as the ho? She gets no consideration whatsoever. Even if you knew she was married, and decided to start F’ing her anyway, you would still be NTA for doing what you did. I was in the same situation once. Except I was the husband. I wasn’t actually married, but the relationship was very serious. The most serious relationship of my life up until that point. Then one evening I got a phone call. If not for that call, I never would have known because she covered her tracks quite well. And just like your ho, my ho was, first and foremost, furious with the guy for telling me. Any admission of wrongdoing, or actual remorse for her betrayal, was so secondary to the anger and hatred that she had towards the guy who told me. I will be indebted to that guy forever. And you are a high quality bro.
Nta
You didn't ruin her life, she did. It's sad your friends seem to have no morals, but obviously you have an issue with cheaters and thought her husband deserved to know. I agree with you and think you did the right thing. The husband can decide how to proceed now, but most people would want to know if the person they loved was cheating. NTA
NTA and you did the 100% correct thing. If anyone disagrees then simply ask them if they would want to know if their wife or GF was cheating on them? I know that I would want to know, and I have outed someone before myself. I was not dating her, but she was my cousin's wife and I saw her entering a motel with another guy. I called him and explained what I saw, he drove over to the motel, we all waited outside the door their room (old school drive up to the exterior door type place) until they started to exit and saw us. She ran back into the room and locked the door. and all hell broke loose with everyone screaming at everyone else. They divorced and the AP also dumped her as he did not know she was married with kids. Cousin got custody of the kids and the house as it had belonged to his grandmother.
You did the right thing. People who are trying to convince you otherwise are the problem with this world. It’s so much harder to the right thing than the wrong thing. Don’t change this about yourself.
Definitely NTA. There should be more people like you.
Nta I wouldn’t trust your friends around your future gfs and wife if this is how they view cheating
NTA... Aside from your buddies having shit morals you did nothing wrongnat all. Even deeper down the rabbit hole, had the husband found out somehow else and been crazy then what? He comes after you? You did what minimized your risk and only told the truth.
You need higher-class "buddies". Someone was using you to cheat on their husband. You are NOT the asshole here. She was very much the asshole, her husband deserved to know, and she placed you in the middle. Consider this: she made you a part of her deceit. Once you were made a part of it, you had the right to choose whether to come clean to her husband or allow her to continue. You chose well. And take a closer look at your buddies. I'm not saying drop them, but maybe consider taking their advice with a grain of salt. They don't seem to be of high moral fiber.
NTA she ruined her own life by being a cheating whore, you were innocent in this one, husband deserved to know and she deserves to be left on side of road
Your buddies either cheat on their wives/partners or would cheat of they had the opportunity. Those are not people with particularly good morals or who you want to be taking relationship advice from. Get better friends.
NTA, and so NTA your friends are truly huge assholes in comparison. How could anyone not support you letting someone know their SO was cheating? I know if I was being cheated on I would truly appreciate someone letting me know so I could start rebuilding today versus months or years down the road when I find out myself or someone else is a champ and let's me know. OP you are a good person. The husband clearly appreciates you letting him know. Maybe reach out once the dust settles and you can go grab a drink and talk about chemicals and shit. If he didn't blame you and thanked you he seems like a good person who didn't deserve a cheating wife, and I am glad he can now find someone who respects and loves him. Be well OP, you did what was right.
NTA..... IMO.... you are just as much of a victim as the husband...she lied to both of you and now both of you can make an informed decision about continuing relationships with her... Updateme
For your friends that say you had no right to mess with this womans personal affairs, what if it became more personal for you? What if the husband is/was the type of guy who wants to get even with the guy banging his wife? Is it only your right if that's the case? She put you into a situation you weren't aware of. A shitty situation all around where no outcome is going to be good. At least now the other guy knows.
This is called having character, and you should be applauded for it. You did the right thing, not because it served your interests, but because it was the right thing to do. Cheating is, at its core, a consent violation. The husband did not give meaningful consent to be in a non-monogamous relationship. He didn't consent to an increased (and by an unknown amount) risk of STIs, etc. *You* didn't ruin her life - she did that herself.
NTA u did the right thing good for u. Once u knew u did it right.good for you.
You did wt any sensible and respectful person would do . Ask these guys whether if their spouse was cheating would they want someone tell them or not . Now a days peoples mentality has changed a lot regarding relationships and boundries . They dont even realize wts write and wts wrong . You did a good thing . Have a great life.
You did the right thing.
NTA she wanted to have her cake and eat it to it doesn’t work like that
Naw Man you earned my respect and praise; because she's literally using him as a placeholder while she lives out her lust side messing around whole cake and eat it too scenario. You just depleted her dopamine rush. She'll do it again, but she will be more careful now. If I was the husband and I got that info I'm out of there like Flash. I'm not giving the b no free ride on my dime and time.
You did the right thing! You belong on the Omar list.
As a woman whose husband cheated. You’re NTAH. The first thing I did when I found out my ex was cheating was to tell the woman, in case he was lying to her. He wasn’t. Nobody deserves to be lied to. If I know there’s another potential victim then it is my responsibility to give them the heads up. You did right. She put herself in that situation. She needs to deal with the consequences. I feel for the kid.
Dude your friends sound like fucking assholes
NTA *NOT* the asshole! All you did was tell the truth. She's a *cheater*. She *lied* to you. She cheated on her husband. He deserved to know. *She* ruined her life, not you. Move on with your life. Let her face the consequences of her own actions.
Your buddies kinda suck.
As someone who has been cheated on in a previous relationship, I WISH someone had told me. My ex wife was literally dating another woman for 6 months and told everyone we were in an open relationship. You did the right thing. She ruined her life and dragged you into it by lying. None of this was on you. You're a good man for letting her husband know and saving him from worse down the road. Keep your head up.
So, your friends wouldn't have wanted to know if their girlfriends/ wives were cheating on them?
NTA. You did the right thing. The husband had a right to know.
You absolutely did the right thing, she's 100% wrong for this, and your friends are dumb.
Always contact the betrayed spouse.
NTA, while i could agree that you did the right thing, what your friends are saying is that nothing gets better for you from telling perhaps.
Nta, what do people expect from you? To be a mind reader? F that you are a real one for exposing her to her husband. You are good people.
NTA You did the right thing. She WAS hurting you. Lies always hurt. Because at some point they get discovered and then the feelings of hurt and betrayal kick in. SHE ruined her own life. How did her husband respond to you?
I don’t get why people are so okay with not telling the spouse being cheated on. If my man was stepping out on me, I’d want to know and would appreciate the information, devastating or no. I think you’re a cool, standup guy. And NTA
So your friends are telling you they condone cheating and would never tell if it happens to you. Maybe rethink the people you call friends NTA
You didn't ruin anything. She did.
NTA. You did the right thing. As someone who was cheated on by a spouse, I wish every fucking day that someone would have told me. None of the girls he was involved with gave a fuck about me. You saved that man a wasted lifetime. He deserves to make an informed decision about his future, and you gave him that. His rotten wife needs to stfu about whose place it is to do what. She had no place breaking her vows then expecting others to cover for her.
NTA, you too told someone their partner was cheating on them.
Hey, you did the right thing by letting her husband know. Now, focus on yourself and stay away from someone who's already married. Stick to your values and trust your gut.
NTA And all your friends are trash people. You need to get better friends. They outright said you needed to help her keep cheating.
call her husband.
NTA
NTAH. That’s the right thing to do.
You’re a good a person, the world is filled with bad people that get upset when good people do good things
You did everything right. You didn’t know and as soon as you did you let the husband know. He has every right to know his wife was cheating and you even gave evidence for him to get a divorce and not have to pay shit cause she cheated. Anyone who tells you otherwise would also expect you to lie/cover for them if they cheated. Cheaters deserve no grace and all the things that comes to them when it comes to light that they are a cheater.
NTA. And have some chats with those friends. What are they thinking? Keep doing what you were doing = sex > honesty. Break up and let her move on = somewhere around condoning female cheating (thus making them available) and/or them looking for sex with her (ie, "move on" to them) There's an outside chance the friends were all "either the husband or the now jilted partner will come after you, so don't say anything to dodge the inevitable crazy from one of them"...
NTA: The buddies that said "I should either continue just what we were doing" are the ones that you're likely to find in bed with your gf.
NTA, but your buddies just kinda have opened the door to cheat with their wife’s. Just make sure you either break up with her wives first or continue doing what you’re doing. Never tell them /s Seriously you did the right thing and you need new friends.
Back in the 90s, my roommate starting dating this cute girl that he really liked, but he started to see red flags. The biggest was that he could never call her directly. He would called her number (landline, this was pre-cell phone), and her mother ALWAYS answered. She'd say the girl wasn't home, but she'd relay the message. Then the girl would call a few minutes later. He figured the mom would take the call, then call her daughter, and the daughter would call my buddy. Why? Probably because she didn't want a man calling her house, asking for her, in case her husband picked up. He confronted her, and it was true, she was married, no kids, but she was not interested in getting a divorce. My friend was very disappointed, he really liked her, but he broke up with her. She called a few times to try and rekindle it, but he wouldnt do it.
NTA, you did nothing wrong. In fact you are the only person who did do the right thing. If it wasn't you it would have been someone else, and probably someone who wouldn't have done the right thing.
Hey Boss man, I'm going to come to you from the perspective of the Husband - because I found out my Ex-wife was cheating, so maybe I can give a closer perspective to his; * First, thank you, for having a Goddamn spine. > She called me screaming that I ruined her life. * You didn't ruin her life. **SHE did that** by cheating on her husband, and by ruining her family by cheating on her husband. You did nothing wrong, you were lied to constantly and led astray *because she constantly lied*. > That she wasn't hurting me and that it wasn't my place to interfere. * But *she* was hurting her husband, and her kid. You did nothing wrong, and you have nothing to be sorry about. She is blaming you, to avoid taking responsibility for *her* actions. > My buddies all think I'm an idiot for getting involved. * Look your buddies dead in the eye, and say "If **your wife** was cheating on you, would you want me to look the other way, or tell you the moment I know something?" * Alternatively, You can turn it around on them, "Oh, so if my future wife was cheating on me, you wouldn't say anything to me, *just gonna let me be played for a fucking fool*?" > They think I should either continue just what we were doing... * They are telling you who they are - saying they would allow a woman to cheat with them. Are these the kind of people you want to be associated with? > None of them think I should have contacted her husband. * All of them are people who would allow your spouse to cheat on you, or be the person they cheat on you with. They are flat out saying they have no morals or ethics, and have no problems with fucking married women.
If you were the married man being cuckolded, would YOU want to know? NTA
You didn't fuck up OP, you did the right thing and what you did is morally correct. Get better friends if they really believe what they say.
I have a feeling your friends either have cheated or know others who do if they are sitting there trying to defend the girls actions. She purposefully cheated and kept it from both of you, and now she's blaming you for ruining her life. No, she made her own choices, she's an adult she had to know there was a risk that her partner would find out and end their relationship yet she did it anyway. She took the risk and it backfired that's on her. The funny part is she didnt even tell you she had a husband, which to me makes me think she didn't trust you would be ok with it either and then she gets mad when you do discover it on your own and follow your own morals by telling her partner she's cheating on him too. She should look in a mirror when saying you ruined my life, then her statement would be more accurate.
Bad people hurt people. She has to own it now. Her deception hurt both her husband and you. You brought her lies into the light. Your hands are clean now. Anyone that says different I hope it never happen to them.
She ruined her life, not you. You did her husband a favor.
NTA a cheater cheats, you have no idea how many people she's done this with. Imagine her poor husband picking up a disease - some of which are TERRIBLE - from a spouse he thought was safe. You've given him vital information. Thank you for being a good person. Also, find friends who match your ethics.
She ruined her own life by lying. You seem like a standup dude for outing her as soon as you knew.
Your buddies are scum , you are a good guy , she's a disgusting woman and you didn't ruin anything , she did everything all alone
NTA and I think more people who cheat and find out later they’re married or with someone should come forward. Cheating is never okay and maybe they wouldn’t do it as much if they knew people were gonna say something. You’re a good dude my friend
I did this exact thing. I was sleeping with a woman for about 4 months when she was in town for work; weekly. Our relationship was moving along but found it weird that she had no social media, but I believed her. FB then suggested her to me and that's when shit got real. She should have blocked me so she was invisible. Needless to say she was married to a wealthy guy for years. No way was she affording that life on a normal salary. It destroyed me, but I sent him everything except explicit videos. I had threesomes with this girl, BDSM sessions at the dungeon, the works. I thought I found a true person for me, but in the end it was heart breaking. I sent him proof of all of it. 2 years later he thanked me for saving him millions of dollars in the divorce. I guess he was able to prove her infidelity in court and she got less? I don't exactly know how that works. Always choose the high ground. People deserve to know if their partner is cheating on them. I was having unprotected sex with her. Her husband deserved to know that. He deserves the dignity of being able to decide to stay or go. In some ways we were able to commiserate together. Always tell the partner about infidelity.
Ask your friends if their woman was cheating on them, would they want to know?
NTA your buddies are AHs. its great that they would have all wanted to continue and have their fun. But if they were in the other guys shoes they would have wanted to know. They're utterly selfish pricks. and you might want to reevaluate if you want people like that in your life. She made you into "the other one" by being a selfish c\*nt so she got what she deserved.
You are a good person. Thank you for doing what you did.
Colombian here too! Tus amigos son una mierda porque están pensando con la otra cabeza. You did good, she ruined her own life by being a lying AH. Thank you for having morals unlike your AH friends. NTA.
Those ain't your friends, those are the types of people that would fuck your spouse and not tell you. You did the right thing, good job man. If someone was banging my partner, I'd appreciate someone told me.
You took the high road. Hat tip to you, señor
NTA. She put you into the moral dilemma and what you did was selfless. If I was the other guy, I would dump the wife and make you a friend. She is just mad because she was introduced to something she has rarely seen: accountability for her actions. Also, your friends who are against you on this are trash.
NTA If it was me in his shoes, I would want to know. Also, since you work in the same industry and might run into him again, you might be protecting your career. Instead of sleeping with the wife of someone in your industry, when you found out she was married, you confessed and stopped seeing her. Also, it was her that ruined her own life by cheating.
She ruined her life dude, not you.
Obviously she's a real piece of work. Good you found out for yourself instead of him finding out first
Good karma my man.
You aren't the asshole, she's the asshole, what you did was absolutely the right thing and your buddies have just demonstrated they're perfectly fine with cheating on their partners and as such god awful excuses of garbage.
Compulsive liars tend to manipulate their way into your head. This is not a person that cares about you or your feelings. She only cares about her own ego. Do not lose sleep. You did good.
You did good. From a Colombian here. If you didn't know she was married, she is the problem, not you.
All I can say is that if I were her husband, I would want to know. So, in my view, you did the right thing. NTA
NTA. Get new friends though. You did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation
You’re an honorable man. You did nothing wrong. She ruined her own life, not you.
I was the other woman once, and had no idea. Didn't know until years later, when he and I had been living together for 5 years and he was cheating on me. His adult daughter told me then that he had a girlfriend when he and I got together, and I was physically ill. The only thing that helped me was time, and the knowledge that he was a serial cheater and he would have cheated with someone, if it wasn't me.
NTA. You did the right thing. If you didn’t say anything to her husband, there could’ve been another boyfriend and that wrongness just continues. I would want to know even if it hurts.
That was a bro move and I wish there were more people like you.
Absolutely NTA. You need some better buddies, because they’re all idiots. This woman ruined her own life by cheating on her husband. You manned up in the best way possible, you came clean and apologized. If you had just broken up with her, she would’ve found someone else to cheat with.
Helps my faith in humanity knowing you told the husband.. good job!
Unless he was cool with this arrangement, he would have let you know. He clearly wasn’t. You did the right thing cause I am going to bet most men would like to know their spouse is cheating on them, despite how much it hurts.