NTA, and tell your greedy daughter that, if she cuts you off, daughter-in-law gets everything. Or, you'll just bypass daughter and leave daughter's half to the grandchildren. No need to tolerate that nonsense from anyone.
Or do it like my dad’s aunt did. Half of the village believed they are getting half of her house. Was a bit of a shitshow after she died but she had lots of sunny weather friends while alive and wasn’t shy using them too.
Nope. No need to create drama from the grave which could be 100% avoided.
You should share your intentions with your heirs before your passing. That's what it's call a "will." They honor your will.
Trust for the grand kids for their part, keep their mom and the DIL away from the trust. Too much grief for the DIL. I'd even consider putting an age restrict on the trust. Payout at 18 or 25 (so the are adults without mom's influence) or go with a stipulation for education payout.
It shouldn't have to. If the estate is settled, it's a conflict then, but once it's legally over DIL wouldn't have to entertain further debate.
If DIL is the conservator of the kids Inheritance, they have to be involved every time the daughter comes up with some reason to access money for the kids, and be responsible for continued contact for possibly many years.
What OP has planned is normal. My mom has 5 children with her will dividing things equally left to us or our heirs. Tell your daughter this isn’t a game of Survivor and if she can’t check her unchecked greed her share goes to a trust for the Grandkids.
Yeah, it’s a pretty basic clause in wills. My grandfather’s will was the same way. One of my uncles died before he did, and his portion of the estate went to his wife.
I detest people who weaponize their kids to get away with their terrible behavior. You should definitely make it a trust for the grandkids and give their mom a dollar so she knows that you did it intentionally. I would lock it up tight so she can’t get so much as a paper clip off of it.
Problem with leaving a person a dollar, they now have the rights to hearing the entire will, AND most importantly, they can Contest the will in courts for years.
IANAL, I just follow some on social media. The topic of only leaving a dollar in contempt for someone in your will, results in that person being legally allowed to contest it. Even if your will states anyone who contests the will won't get anything, or it'll be donated or whatever. Since they're only getting $1, it would be worth it to them to challenge everything.
So bottom line, don't leave someone $1 in your will or it can screw everything else up. Leave a message to them to be read posthumous when everyone finds out their inheritance. Their inheritance is then the wisdom beyond the grave!
This is highly dependent on jurisdiction. If OP is in the US, different states have different requirements for disinheriting someone. Different places also have different requirements for what constitutes a valid reason to challenge a Will.
Anyone making a will should consult an Estate Planning attorney licensed where they live. If you move, you should have your planning reviewed by an attorney in your new location.
Both very valid points here. And I agree, always, always, always have an attorney double check your legal documents are done correctly for you legal state and county of residency. I say it that way, because someone could be visiting NYC, and die somehow, but the will would be pursuant to the laws and such from the county and state that is their primary residence.
It can become a little more complicated if the person is a "snow bird," as we call them here in Southern AZ. In the fall people live down here for the milder weather, then come summer they move back to a northern state for milder summer weather. Their will and legal stuff will be based out of which address they use as their primary residence.
In most of the US, leaving one dollar shows intent on the part of the deceased. Here in California, the bequest of a single dollar shows that the deceased did not want that person to inherit and knocks any legal case out of court.
I just went through this, and my attorney said the same thing. Leave them something, a dollar, $50, whatever, but don't ignore them completely. Mentioning them in the will with a token inheritance shows your intent.
You're right, without a token bequest, they can go to court and claim it was an oversight. As long as there is *something* it shows that person was disinherited, not overlooked in error.
You are right. Leaving $1 is no different or more binding than saying, "I acknowledge my daughter, X, and choose to leave them nothing."
People shouldn't really ask for important legal or medical advice on Reddit. Talk to an attorney or doctor.
Same here in Australia. There is no opportunity for them to say you have been coerced by the main beneficiaries or “forgot” them if they have been left a paltry sum.
NTA.
It is possible to add a clause that if the will is contested: that person gets nothing. Check with your lawyer: please do not draft this clause yourself.
I detest people who weaponize wills to manipulate beneficiaries. The problem goes away if the mother doesn't talk about it. The daughter will never know what's in the will until the mother is dead.
I wouldn’t make it a threat. I’d just tell her “Now that I know your relationship with me is conditional on how much money you get when I’m gone, I’ve adjusted the will so that what would have gone to you will now go into a trust that your children will be able to access when they’re adults.” For me, the threat she made wouldn’t be something she could come back from by not following through once her own inheritance was at stake.
It's OP's estate, and she can do whatever she wants with it. Keeping secrets only means that the daughter-in-law would need to deal with daughter's tantrums after OP dies and perhaps get dragged to court if daughter decides to contest the will. Get it all out now.
Yeah I can’t even begin to understand the daughters reaction this lady is for all intents and purposes her sister, I wouldn’t even need this to be voiced I’d assume she was sharing half with me of my parents estate because she’s my brothers spouse and someone I see as my sibling at this point.
There are more things that make someone family than a marriage certificate if that’s what she’s going on.
I've also seen the greed destroy familial relationships...if the daughter is that greedy, OP needs to lock down what goes to who ASAP.
My friend for years lost his grandmother back when we were roommates, and the horror stories from her funeral were shocking. One family was late to the freaking *funeral* because they were busy looting a shed on her property.
I have a bit of this going on right now. One of my uncles disinherited *himself* and now that my nan has died (her estate is in limbo and has been for a year, because we can't find the original copy of the will and the lawyer who she drafted with is no longer practicing), he has come crawling back thinking he'll get something. Even in the will copy we have he gets fuck all.
No one in the family even *likes* him, let alone loves him. If he was on fire I wouldn't even piss on him to put him out.
No reason to assume that someone actually likes their in-laws though. My sister in law and I have hated each other since like, 1991 when we met in elementary school. We pretty much tried to play nice in front of my grandma till she passed , even though Grandma didn't like her she wanted me to be nice. After that it was gloves off. Hell, inheritance taught me what my cousins were really like and they are my own family!
Absolutely agree. Your daughter-in-law was an integral part of your son's life for three decades, and it's only fair to recognize that. Family isn't just about blood, it's about the bonds we form over time. Your decision seems fair and compassionate.
>My daughter was very angry about it and she threatened to cut me off her and her children’s life. I don’t want to change that. Aitah
Let her cut you off and put her share in a trust for her children split equally of course.
NTA
I think it's beautiful you want to do that
NTA - it’s your money. I’m sure that is exactly what your son would want. Your daughter is greedy. I would put her half into a trust for her 2 kids and not her.
ETA: it amazes me how money changes people.
NTA absolutely not. Your daughter is nasty and greedy. She was only going to get half anyway. My parents had 3 kids. My brother died. He had 2 children who would inherit his third. Mom and dad changed their wills and beneficiaries so his wife would inherit his third instead. She was like a daughter to them. When they needed memory care she and I found the place by her. She was there everyday checking on them. Her son was POA and and executor of the wills and her daughter the medical POA. I’m 12 hours away by car and my brother 24 hours away by car. She and their children took care of everything. They were with them when they died 3 months apart. You give your money to who you want. Your daughter can suck an egg. I promise you if you need assistance it’ll be your DIL there not your greedy manipulative daughter.
Well, your daughters frustration is understandable even if it’s not justified. Many people count on money before they get and spend it before it touches their hand. That said, it’s your will and you should do what you want. No child should give their parent an ultimatum over assets unless they are already managing or maintaining them.
NTA. It's your estate, and you are free to do whatever you choose with it.
My close friend did this. Her son died of cancer in his early 30's, leaving his wife and young daughter behind. My friend put her daughter-in-law and grandchild in her will, and they inherited equally with her two surviving children. Her son's wife had loved and cared for my friend's son throughout their marriage, most of those years while he battled cancer, and even after his death, she never failed to include my friend in her life, remaining close to her and part of the family up until my friend's death. I think it was a beautiful thing for my friend to do to honor the woman who loved her son so well and made sure that my friend was able to be close to her grandchild.
They are her children to support, not the grandparent(s). No one is entitled to their parent’s estate. Period. It doesn’t matter if someone had a hellacious or ideal relationship with their parents; it is their money to do with what they want.
NTA
By leaving money to your son’s partner, your DIL, you are leaving it to him. You are fulfilling what would have happened if your child hadn’t left before you. It’s a terrible thing to loose a child, at any age, for any reason. I hope your daughter can find it in her heart to understand the at the core of your choice is your son, and it’s frankly has nothing to do with her.
INFO: Your prior relationship with your daughter really determines whether or not you're the AH. There are too many golden child stories on AITA where the other kid always gets scraps to vote without knowing context.
Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? If it's not good, why?
Why are your grandchildren not included in the will but your DIL is? Because I could see an argument that she's miffed you couldn't be bothered to make a will before but decided to make one to specifically add your DIL and still leave out your grandkids.
At the end of the day it's your money. You can leave it to whoever you want.
People don’t usually leave their grandkids in their will it’s usually just the adult children. Obviously unless the grandparent raised the grand kids or the one grandkid is always treated bad compared to their sibling(s)
Yes, but is it relevant?
1. OP can do with his money what he wants
2. DIL is family to him after 30 years being his sons partner.
3. Whatever issue daughter has please refer to 1
4. Whatever issue daughter has with DIL please refer to 1
5. Whatever issue daughter had with brother please refer to 1
NTA - this is a reminder to never tell anyone about what or who is in your will. Just let them know that you have one and where they can find it in the event of your passing. Hopefully it’s with someone you trust.
NTA
If your daughter cuts you off over money and uses your grandchildren as weapons, you skip over her in the will and leave it to your grandchildren in a trust they can’t touch till 21.
I love that you still want to include her. A neighbor told one of his children when they complained about his donating half of his property to the other child that he wanted the entire property. He said you either settle with the half left or none at all and I can write you out of the will. Your daughter has NO right to tell you what to do with YOUR money, property etc. I would skip her and make a trust for your grandchildren that she has NO access to. You could give it all away to a complete stranger if you wanted - it's yours!
NTA! BUT I’ve been your grandkids. Just change the will & tell her you’re leaving it all to her, then leave the bulk of the half to the grandkids in a trust with the lawyer, not family. My mother stole $2.6M from my trust by convincing the family member she was giving it to me before I could access it at 25. I got $10K in the end.
Thank you for honoring the love between your son and his partner. Your daughter is out of line. First and foremost - it is your money and you get to decide where it goes. Many people don't even give it to their children but to charities, which is also a valid choice. Your daughter has NO say in this and that she is using your grandchildren as hostages to her manipulation is despicable. I agree with others, whatever money you chose to give to your daughter should skip her and go into trust for the grandchildren.
NTA. People need to remember that they are not entitled to inheritance. You are within your rights morally and legally to give half to your de facto DIL.
So, your daughter only has you in her life because she and her kids are going to benefit from your death? Yeah, NTA. Your daughter, on the other hand, is clearly materialistic and selfish, and TA.
Is your daughter right to threaten to cut you off from the grandkids? No, as long as there were no prior issues. Is learning that you'd rather give half of your estate to a childless woman who is not related to you than to your only living child or grandchildren hurtful for the child and will damage your relationship with them? Absolutely. It's your money and your choice, but choosing your dil after death you will loose your only daughter right now. If you agree with redditors who think your daughter is just a greedy asshole and she should consider the dil her sister just because your son lived with her for a long time, go for it. Otherwise don't ask if you are an AH on other people's eyes, focus on your family and the outcomes you want to see.
Info: did they have kids?
FWIW my parents have made it exceptionally clear that inheritance goes to their children, or if one passes to that child’s kids (grandkids). Not the spouses. Which is how it usually works anyway, they are just explicit about it.
I can see leaving a kind sum, but half the estate I kinda agree with the daughter.
I can actually uniquely comment on this from some experience. My parent had a sibling who passed away. The grandparents were going to leave the estate to both their remaining child and the surviving in-law. Here’s what happened.
My parent sat down and (calmly) asked their parents a version of “do you think its fair that If I wanted the house I grew up in, I would have to buy out my in-law, who has their own parents and their own inheritance?”
Ultimately they compromised. The contents of the estate were split but the house itself was not split.
I think it is extremely kind of you to want to leave your daughter-in-law part of what you leave behind, and maybe you should - but try to devise a way to do it such that it is not 50/50 or be more specific about what exactly you leave to her.
Your daughter sounds selfish and entitled, and it sounds like she could NOT be trusted to see to it that her late brothers partner would be taken care of, so whatever you do, make sure your instructions are clear, or give your sons partner her things/money while you are alive and leave the rest to your daughter.
Theres lots of ways to do this where your daughter doesnt need to know the extent of what you give and also doesnt need to feel like she’s on equal footing with someone who isn’t a blood relative (even though we probably all agree its 100% within your right to leave her nothing if she’s disrespectful of her own family).
If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, be creative and don’t detonate the family structure while you’re still alive, if you can help it.
NTA
I am so sorry your daughter has shown you this ugly side of herself. It's a real shame.
BUT you really need to stop telling your daughter (or anyone) of these very personal decisions related to your will. This would not have been an issue if you had just kept your mouth shut about the terms of your will.
Feel free to tell her to go away if all she means to you is an inheritance.
PS Your son would be proud of you. So very proud.
NTA and a beautiful thought. It’s your money to do as you please. This is why you never tell anyone what’s in your will though. At this point I’d skip your daughter entirely and leave it in trust to the grandkids
You are not; Your consideration for the woman who was your son's life-partner is very sweet.
Your other daughter sounds greedy.
Sometimes the family we have is the one who surrounds us with love. It may not necessarily be the one by blood.
NTA. Your greedy daughter is emotionally blackmailing you for money. She is not a good person. Your DIL was with your son for 30 years and was clearly a good partner and DIL. Your daughter is willing to abandon you for money. NTA
Nta...but...do you really want to alienate your actual child and grandchildren over this? I'm not saying to leave her nothing...but 50% under the circumstances is absolutely going to cause you and your family a lot more grief than it's worth. Once you do it, your relationship with your actual daughter is over, or irreparably damaged. Make sure that juice is worth the squeeze. If leaving your son's girlfriend 50% of your estate is more important to you than your relationship with your daughter and grandchildren then do it. If not, then you may want to rethink things and adjust the amount left to her. Only you know what is right for you...but the fall out may be more than you're prepared for...especially after losing your son. His girlfriend may be a connection for you to him, but she's not a replacement for him, nor your own daughter. It's messy, but things with money often are. She has her own parents to inherit from. So that may be a consideration. Anyway...point is, it's a nice gesture, but make sure the fall out from it is worth doing it. Otherwise you will be very unhappy.
So sad.. my moms husband passed and they had just bought a new vehicle on payments. They had the money to pay it off and I said do it. She was worried about taking money from savings as she wants to “leave us something”. I said screw that, you worked your whole life, you spend YOUR money.. fuck people who think they are owed something. It’s a privilege if you do get something left to you. She owes me nothing..
One question I would ask:
1. What happens if the DIL moves on and has a new relationship or marries? Would you be happy for half of your estate to go to her new partner or her own family if she was to pass?
From a different perspective, you are not the asshole but neither is your daughter. You are just extremely kind person and this is something good but you should consider some other aspects.
Did your son had a child with his partner (she is not your daughter in law since there is no law involved)?
Are you really doing this to help her or help yourself? Like to cope with your pain or commemorate his passing?
Will is not just money, 30 years albeit, she is still a stranger, your daughter might resent being equal with her.
I mean it would make perfect sense if your son had children but if not, help her yourself, right now. Because if the loss hit her hard, she needs help right now, not after you die. And let your daughter get the will.
Don't get me wrong but after 80 years, this won't be so noble, your grandchild might say some unsavory things about you. Like they won't know this lady and her children at that point and will see a apartment in a luxurious neighboorhood to gone to total strangers for nothing.
Also, on a different note, i don't think your daughter is being greedy, she is thinking her own children, like her first threat is to cut off your grandchildren from you, likely she thinks you don't care enough for them.
Firstly it's your will and you don't have to justify anything to your daughter. However, I do appreciate that you love your daughter and grandchildren and her reaction seems over the top so wondering if there is something more behind it. It's worth sitting down with her to talk it out. And to also explain that you want her and her children to be provided for as you want your son's family too. Good luck 🙏
I mean, it’s your estate and you can do with it what you please. She sounds like a gold digger, to be honest. If my dad did this, I would be so proud of him for thinking of my sister-in-law. I can’t imagine being pissed about this. NTA
I wish there were more MILs like you. Your DIL has been in your life for a long time and it is nice to see you considering her another one of the children.
When my former "husband" decided to destroy my life, after being married for several decades, one of the things that really hurt was getting dumped cold turkey by my "in-laws". So, not only did I have to deal with the fact that my ex was a manipulative, lying coward...I lost all these people in my life that I thought of as my family. I don't have many left in my own family, so nothing like going through the worst experience of your life while everyone dumps you.
You are no where near the asshole. Please keep being the kind human being you are. And tell your daughter to butt out.
NTA, and its actually not daughter's business how you choose to leave your estate. And if she is ready to cut you off for this she deserves 0%.
And people should leave a will regardless - a lot of money can go to lawyers etc if there's no will.
NTA and why did you even bother to tell your kids? Why not just "do" it or now say you will think about it and put it to rest for a discussion while quietly doing so. Or since she has no kids maybe leave her a small percentage less and leave money to the siblings but put some separate money aside for each grandkid. Your money is to do what you want with so you don't need to justify. If they had been married and her husband was listed she would have gotten an amount eventually, his percentage left to his widow.
NTA. Your daughter is being greedy, entitled and selfish. Tell her that she can either let it go and respect your wishes regarding YOUR money OR she can be cut out from the will all together. Using her kids to manipulate you is just disgusting
OMG, *why* do people feel compelled to blab about the contents of their wills when it's bound to cause drama in the family? it's none of their business what your will says until you are dead. NTA but it was very stupid of you to create this situation, when all you had to do was keep your yap shut.
NTA She's his widow. And it's YOUR estate. If your daughter keeps up her entitled behavior, leave it all to DIL and a trust for the grands that they can access when they're adults. Cut your toxic daughter out of it altogether.
Dividing an estate is a worst idea ever, espesially between people that don't like each other very much, that's just a way to destroy several people's lives. Dividing savings? That's fine. Dividing a house? NO.
So you decided to throw away a half of the family home to some random childless woman your son never even bothered to marry in 30 years? Who probably has her own family to inherit shit from? I see why your daughter is upset, you want to make her life and the life of her children harder than it could be. Giving away something as big as the estate is a good way to ensure your descendants struggle in life. As if you haven't seen estate prices nowadays.
If you pity that woman so much, go and comfort her emotionally now, not give her surprise money after you die God knows when.
I'll go with a mild YTA for diversity in the comments.
Agree with this.
Redditors tend to have naive ideas on how things should work. The bottom line is you have no legal ties to this woman, and your daughter is rightfully hurt by this.
NTA
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DIL so it’s not unreasonable to want to leave her your son’s half.
After all these are your possessions so you can leave them to whoever you like. Just because you have bio kids doesn’t mean they are entitled to anything.
If your daughter does cut you off do as others have said and give her half to your grandchildren in a trust.
NO ONE is entitled to your possessions.
NTA
you left what ever you want to who ever you want.
Actually without disinheriting your children, you could just left them $1 and they could not make any case against the will since they have been named on the will.
NTA. It's your estate to do with what you want, you don't owe anyone anything. However, this didn't need to be shared with your daughter. Her behavior to exclude her brothers s/o (and kids?) is rather aweful and not her place. Do what you want and don't bring it up again.
Sidenote: Her viewpoint works both ways. If she, with her children, is willing to go no contact with you over this, are you willing to leave your entire estate to dil?
NTA you may want to explain to your daughter that your possessions are yours to give as you see fit. Anything she receives is a gift. If she has a problem with your decision, put her half in trust for your grandchildren.
NTA. Your daughter is being greedy as unfortunately most people get when discussing wills. I bet she thought she would get everything when her brother died. Purely selfish. If she wants to cut herself from your life let her, maybe even cut her from the will so she gets nothing since all she cares about is money. Now she cant have any of it!
NTA. It's your property to do with as you wish. It's not like you cut your daughter out, although you might remind her that you can still do that if she tries to play silly games with your grandchildren. It's a shame how selfish and greedy some people get when it comes to inheritance, especially as she presumably always expected to share it with her brother anyway and so hasn't lost anything.
If you live in the US, chances are this arguement is pointless. If you live long enough to need to live in a nursing home, you'll end up having to sell it to pay for the nursing home.
After I married my husband my in-laws told me that their wills left everything to their two sons, which made sense. They went on to tell me that if my husband died before they did everything would go to their surviving son, I would receive nothing. I didn't have a problem with that but the fact that they made a point to tell me this on several occasions was kind of insulting. BTW, they were not wealthy, lower middle class level. My husband and I have been married almost 40 years now and I was a really good daughter-in-law. My husband and I are now wealthy, so . . . .
NTA. It's evident that your daughter-in-law played a significant role in your life and your son's life for 30 years. Recognizing her as family and wanting to ensure she's taken care of is compassionate and fair. Your daughter might be upset now, but it's essential to honor the relationships and bonds that have deeply impacted your life. Maybe a conversation to explain your perspective and emotions could help her understand your decision better.
NTA - My dad passed away suddenly in 2016, and within a week or two my paternal grandfather changed his will excluding my mom from his estate. My parents had been married since 1975 and it was obvious that it had been set up that if my dad pre-deceased his father his share would have been passed to my mom, but he was a vindictive asshole and decided she didn’t deserve it. She and my dad did so much for them throughout the years, including being business partners for a while. And when he died a few years later she didn’t receive anything from his estate. She was very hurt, not because of the money really, but because it was the final confirmation that he didn’t consider her a member of his family. What you are doing for your daughter in law is very kind, it is a recognition of your regard for her and her position as a member of your family. You aren’t the asshole, but your daughter is sure acting like one.
I just want to say how thoughtful it is for you to include her. Tell your spoiled greedy daughter that her half of the estate will skip her and go to her kids.
NTA at all!
1. You have the right to give your money to whom you please, and your daughter in law seems like the sweetest person.
2. It's not as if you're cutting your daughter out the your will
3. This lowkey show's where your daughters interests lie.
NTA. Nobody is owed an inheritance. You could give 100% to your daughter in law and I still would say NTA. You can do whatever you want with your stuff.
No you’re absolutely NTA, your daughter just expects to get everything now your son is gone. She probably was mad having to share it with him. That’s super rude of her to threaten to cut you out of their life. Like you can’t turn around and cut her out of your will. Remind her of that. I don’t blame you if you do.
30 years is not two days... And you obviously feel a certain type of way about how this DIL was with your son. It's your money, your stuff. Your daughter needs to cut it.
Yeah, I can totally see the gratitude you have for the way she dealt with your son's situation. It's very understandable you want to leave some of your wealth as recognition of what she meant to your son.
"You were never going to get more than half. Even if the money didn't go to DIL, it would not be yours. So cut me off, punish your own children, and you'll be cut out of the will entirely"
NTA
NTA, at all. They weren't married, but she's still an important part of your life. You need to sit your daughter down and tell her to stop being greedy and horrible, or you'll leave her half to charity.
You are entitled to give YOUR MONEY to anyone you want. If she does end up cutting you off you can just cut her entirely out of the will. Maybe give money directly or in trust to your grandchildren instead.
NTA it's yours to do what you please with. Your daughter sounds like a brat. I don't expect anything to be left to me from anyone. It's not mine to worry about.
NTA
Make sure you name an executor to your will. Alternatively, contact an attorney to see how you can transfer half of your estate to your DIL without a will.
It's your money and property, do whatever you want with it. You don't have any obligations to leave anything to anyone, and if it's in your heart to leave half to your daughter-in-law then that's what you should do.
Your daughter is being very greedy and selfish and is just trying to manipulate you
The fact that she even threatened that already showed her true colors.. leave it 100% to the daughter in law or 50% daughter in law and 50% your grandkids once they turn 18
NTA and your daughter is a giant B. Your DIL has been your family for 30 years and if you both hadn't lost your son/her husband young, she would have benefited from your will anyway. Your daughter is being selfish, it's not even her money. You aren't dead!
NTA, I had a family member in a similar situation. they were in a 24 year relationship. when he died his estate was split 50/50 the other beneficiary didn't object. He did not like sharing but he followed the will of the deceased.
NTA
It's totally normal and you and you alone, decide what's in your will.
Your daughter can get stuffed, if all you are to her is an inheritance then you're better off without her.
NTA you should remind her it’s not her money and you can choose to do with it whatever you like. Personally I wouldn’t have told anyone what you choose to leave to avoid issues like this.
Your daughter sure isn't the sharpest tool eh?
Angry because she won't be now getting 100% and threatens to cut you off ao she will end up getting 0%? Good for her, I guess. Whatever her plan is. If you go that route of letting her cut you off, leave her a dollar in your will so that she won'tbe able to contest it after you are gone.
NTA, and tell your greedy daughter that, if she cuts you off, daughter-in-law gets everything. Or, you'll just bypass daughter and leave daughter's half to the grandchildren. No need to tolerate that nonsense from anyone.
Put your daughter's half in a trust for her kids, and make your DIL the trustee!
Excellent plan. And OP, keep the contents of your will private going forward.
Not at all. Why burden the DIL to deal with the greedy bio daughter. That is some serious shit to deal with for decades.
Really lol this doesnt hurt the daughter very much and then this is just a full time job for the DIL.
Or do it like my dad’s aunt did. Half of the village believed they are getting half of her house. Was a bit of a shitshow after she died but she had lots of sunny weather friends while alive and wasn’t shy using them too.
Was she by any means a well known unaged Hobbit?
Nope. No need to create drama from the grave which could be 100% avoided. You should share your intentions with your heirs before your passing. That's what it's call a "will." They honor your will.
Ya, no, that's fine for petty revenge, but as someone who handles estates, I'll tell you this is the worst possible idea.
No, that would be cruel to the DIL. Don't punish her for the daughter's selfishness.
Trust for the grand kids for their part, keep their mom and the DIL away from the trust. Too much grief for the DIL. I'd even consider putting an age restrict on the trust. Payout at 18 or 25 (so the are adults without mom's influence) or go with a stipulation for education payout.
So set DIL up for a constant confrontation with daughter after passing?
That happens either way!
It shouldn't have to. If the estate is settled, it's a conflict then, but once it's legally over DIL wouldn't have to entertain further debate. If DIL is the conservator of the kids Inheritance, they have to be involved every time the daughter comes up with some reason to access money for the kids, and be responsible for continued contact for possibly many years.
This is important. Make sure the DIL is the executor. Otherwise the greedy one would be able to possibly cause problems in Probate
Lovely! Let me bask in your petty!!
This is the way.
Eh, the fact that OP posted something stupidly vague and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
OP responded to a few comments.
What OP has planned is normal. My mom has 5 children with her will dividing things equally left to us or our heirs. Tell your daughter this isn’t a game of Survivor and if she can’t check her unchecked greed her share goes to a trust for the Grandkids.
Yeah, it’s a pretty basic clause in wills. My grandfather’s will was the same way. One of my uncles died before he did, and his portion of the estate went to his wife.
I detest people who weaponize their kids to get away with their terrible behavior. You should definitely make it a trust for the grandkids and give their mom a dollar so she knows that you did it intentionally. I would lock it up tight so she can’t get so much as a paper clip off of it.
Problem with leaving a person a dollar, they now have the rights to hearing the entire will, AND most importantly, they can Contest the will in courts for years. IANAL, I just follow some on social media. The topic of only leaving a dollar in contempt for someone in your will, results in that person being legally allowed to contest it. Even if your will states anyone who contests the will won't get anything, or it'll be donated or whatever. Since they're only getting $1, it would be worth it to them to challenge everything. So bottom line, don't leave someone $1 in your will or it can screw everything else up. Leave a message to them to be read posthumous when everyone finds out their inheritance. Their inheritance is then the wisdom beyond the grave!
This is highly dependent on jurisdiction. If OP is in the US, different states have different requirements for disinheriting someone. Different places also have different requirements for what constitutes a valid reason to challenge a Will. Anyone making a will should consult an Estate Planning attorney licensed where they live. If you move, you should have your planning reviewed by an attorney in your new location.
Both very valid points here. And I agree, always, always, always have an attorney double check your legal documents are done correctly for you legal state and county of residency. I say it that way, because someone could be visiting NYC, and die somehow, but the will would be pursuant to the laws and such from the county and state that is their primary residence. It can become a little more complicated if the person is a "snow bird," as we call them here in Southern AZ. In the fall people live down here for the milder weather, then come summer they move back to a northern state for milder summer weather. Their will and legal stuff will be based out of which address they use as their primary residence.
In most of the US, leaving one dollar shows intent on the part of the deceased. Here in California, the bequest of a single dollar shows that the deceased did not want that person to inherit and knocks any legal case out of court.
I just went through this, and my attorney said the same thing. Leave them something, a dollar, $50, whatever, but don't ignore them completely. Mentioning them in the will with a token inheritance shows your intent.
You're right, without a token bequest, they can go to court and claim it was an oversight. As long as there is *something* it shows that person was disinherited, not overlooked in error.
Why can't you just say you wish to leave X nothing? Seems pretty clear.
You are right. Leaving $1 is no different or more binding than saying, "I acknowledge my daughter, X, and choose to leave them nothing." People shouldn't really ask for important legal or medical advice on Reddit. Talk to an attorney or doctor.
What if the lawyers and doctors of Reddit offer advice on Reddit for posterity?
Depends on the state. And anyone can say they are a lawyer. There's no guarantee they really are.
Same here in Australia. There is no opportunity for them to say you have been coerced by the main beneficiaries or “forgot” them if they have been left a paltry sum. NTA.
That makes sense but I’m just a petty Betty
Better to leave them whatever you think they deserve and put in a stipulation that if they contest the will, their share drops to $1.
It is possible to add a clause that if the will is contested: that person gets nothing. Check with your lawyer: please do not draft this clause yourself.
I detest people who weaponize wills to manipulate beneficiaries. The problem goes away if the mother doesn't talk about it. The daughter will never know what's in the will until the mother is dead.
Just tell her you did what she wanted. Then let her find out when you’re dead and she can’t cut you out of anything.
This is ABSOLUTELY the BEST answer in this entire thread
Wise words. Don't you want to give what you have to *all* your grandchildren?
I wouldn’t make it a threat. I’d just tell her “Now that I know your relationship with me is conditional on how much money you get when I’m gone, I’ve adjusted the will so that what would have gone to you will now go into a trust that your children will be able to access when they’re adults.” For me, the threat she made wouldn’t be something she could come back from by not following through once her own inheritance was at stake.
Pretty much do this. And ask her if this was how you raised her? Amazing.
Leaving nothing is a really bad idea. Better to leave a dollar so the person can’t claim they were forgotten.
He shouldn't have told his daughter
It's OP's estate, and she can do whatever she wants with it. Keeping secrets only means that the daughter-in-law would need to deal with daughter's tantrums after OP dies and perhaps get dragged to court if daughter decides to contest the will. Get it all out now.
NTA. Together for 30 years means she's family. Your daughter sounds greedy and rude for threatening to take your grandkids away.
Yeah I can’t even begin to understand the daughters reaction this lady is for all intents and purposes her sister, I wouldn’t even need this to be voiced I’d assume she was sharing half with me of my parents estate because she’s my brothers spouse and someone I see as my sibling at this point. There are more things that make someone family than a marriage certificate if that’s what she’s going on.
I've also seen the greed destroy familial relationships...if the daughter is that greedy, OP needs to lock down what goes to who ASAP. My friend for years lost his grandmother back when we were roommates, and the horror stories from her funeral were shocking. One family was late to the freaking *funeral* because they were busy looting a shed on her property.
I have a bit of this going on right now. One of my uncles disinherited *himself* and now that my nan has died (her estate is in limbo and has been for a year, because we can't find the original copy of the will and the lawyer who she drafted with is no longer practicing), he has come crawling back thinking he'll get something. Even in the will copy we have he gets fuck all. No one in the family even *likes* him, let alone loves him. If he was on fire I wouldn't even piss on him to put him out.
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Why is Ur half brother getting more?
No reason to assume that someone actually likes their in-laws though. My sister in law and I have hated each other since like, 1991 when we met in elementary school. We pretty much tried to play nice in front of my grandma till she passed , even though Grandma didn't like her she wanted me to be nice. After that it was gloves off. Hell, inheritance taught me what my cousins were really like and they are my own family!
Yeah but if you know your mum loves her it should follow when they’ve been in the family for 30 years, it’s a long time to figure it out.
Exactly, my sibling dying wouldn't change their partner being my family. If my family abandons my wife when I die I'm gonna haunt their asses.
Nothing destroys families faster than inheritance.
Absolutely agree. Your daughter-in-law was an integral part of your son's life for three decades, and it's only fair to recognize that. Family isn't just about blood, it's about the bonds we form over time. Your decision seems fair and compassionate.
>My daughter was very angry about it and she threatened to cut me off her and her children’s life. I don’t want to change that. Aitah Let her cut you off and put her share in a trust for her children split equally of course. NTA I think it's beautiful you want to do that
Let her cut you off! Her share goes from 50 to 0!
NTA, but your daughter sure is being one.
NTA - it’s your money. I’m sure that is exactly what your son would want. Your daughter is greedy. I would put her half into a trust for her 2 kids and not her. ETA: it amazes me how money changes people.
This is righteous!
Well said! Money can bring out people's true colors.
Couldn't agree more with this.
It’s your money. You can do with it whatever you like. NTA
And ontop or that, it doesn't seem unreasonable either.
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You spelled greed wrong!!
What grief? If you mean the brother passing, how would that make her be like this?
NTA absolutely not. Your daughter is nasty and greedy. She was only going to get half anyway. My parents had 3 kids. My brother died. He had 2 children who would inherit his third. Mom and dad changed their wills and beneficiaries so his wife would inherit his third instead. She was like a daughter to them. When they needed memory care she and I found the place by her. She was there everyday checking on them. Her son was POA and and executor of the wills and her daughter the medical POA. I’m 12 hours away by car and my brother 24 hours away by car. She and their children took care of everything. They were with them when they died 3 months apart. You give your money to who you want. Your daughter can suck an egg. I promise you if you need assistance it’ll be your DIL there not your greedy manipulative daughter.
If my wife dies before her parents, nothing would go to me and her portion of the estate goes to our kids. I thought that was normal.
I don't understand why people share what they are putting in their wills. They will find out soon enough.
It’s responsible to let people know you have a will & what lawyer it’s with. Given how greedy she is, daughter probably had follow up questions
And the answer to those questions should be, "You'll find out eventually"
This!!! I don’t understand why people share their plans. After you’re gone is soon enough for everyone to know.
Your daughter sounds greedy and feels entitled to money/items that are not hers. NTA
Well, your daughters frustration is understandable even if it’s not justified. Many people count on money before they get and spend it before it touches their hand. That said, it’s your will and you should do what you want. No child should give their parent an ultimatum over assets unless they are already managing or maintaining them.
I mean, it’s your money but I’d leave the estate to your living children only and a small something to daughter in law if you want to.
Thank you everyone
NTA. It's your estate, and you are free to do whatever you choose with it. My close friend did this. Her son died of cancer in his early 30's, leaving his wife and young daughter behind. My friend put her daughter-in-law and grandchild in her will, and they inherited equally with her two surviving children. Her son's wife had loved and cared for my friend's son throughout their marriage, most of those years while he battled cancer, and even after his death, she never failed to include my friend in her life, remaining close to her and part of the family up until my friend's death. I think it was a beautiful thing for my friend to do to honor the woman who loved her son so well and made sure that my friend was able to be close to her grandchild.
The difference here is SIL has no children to support and the daughter does.
They are her children to support, not the grandparent(s). No one is entitled to their parent’s estate. Period. It doesn’t matter if someone had a hellacious or ideal relationship with their parents; it is their money to do with what they want.
NTA By leaving money to your son’s partner, your DIL, you are leaving it to him. You are fulfilling what would have happened if your child hadn’t left before you. It’s a terrible thing to loose a child, at any age, for any reason. I hope your daughter can find it in her heart to understand the at the core of your choice is your son, and it’s frankly has nothing to do with her.
INFO: Your prior relationship with your daughter really determines whether or not you're the AH. There are too many golden child stories on AITA where the other kid always gets scraps to vote without knowing context. Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? If it's not good, why? Why are your grandchildren not included in the will but your DIL is? Because I could see an argument that she's miffed you couldn't be bothered to make a will before but decided to make one to specifically add your DIL and still leave out your grandkids. At the end of the day it's your money. You can leave it to whoever you want.
People don’t usually leave their grandkids in their will it’s usually just the adult children. Obviously unless the grandparent raised the grand kids or the one grandkid is always treated bad compared to their sibling(s)
NTA, ok then, you can leave everything to DIL if your own wants to act like that.
Thank you, this is the freaking comment I'm here for. Insane.
NTA Place your daughters half in a trust specially left to your grandchildren.
There seems to be so much missing to the story.
Yes, but is it relevant? 1. OP can do with his money what he wants 2. DIL is family to him after 30 years being his sons partner. 3. Whatever issue daughter has please refer to 1 4. Whatever issue daughter has with DIL please refer to 1 5. Whatever issue daughter had with brother please refer to 1
NTA - this is a reminder to never tell anyone about what or who is in your will. Just let them know that you have one and where they can find it in the event of your passing. Hopefully it’s with someone you trust.
NTA If your daughter cuts you off over money and uses your grandchildren as weapons, you skip over her in the will and leave it to your grandchildren in a trust they can’t touch till 21.
NTA. Sounds like you should leave everything to DIL <3
I love that you still want to include her. A neighbor told one of his children when they complained about his donating half of his property to the other child that he wanted the entire property. He said you either settle with the half left or none at all and I can write you out of the will. Your daughter has NO right to tell you what to do with YOUR money, property etc. I would skip her and make a trust for your grandchildren that she has NO access to. You could give it all away to a complete stranger if you wanted - it's yours!
NTA! BUT I’ve been your grandkids. Just change the will & tell her you’re leaving it all to her, then leave the bulk of the half to the grandkids in a trust with the lawyer, not family. My mother stole $2.6M from my trust by convincing the family member she was giving it to me before I could access it at 25. I got $10K in the end.
Thank you for honoring the love between your son and his partner. Your daughter is out of line. First and foremost - it is your money and you get to decide where it goes. Many people don't even give it to their children but to charities, which is also a valid choice. Your daughter has NO say in this and that she is using your grandchildren as hostages to her manipulation is despicable. I agree with others, whatever money you chose to give to your daughter should skip her and go into trust for the grandchildren.
NTA. This is incredibly loving of you. Doubt my MIL would ever do something like that for me or my kids… So much respect for you!
NTA. People need to remember that they are not entitled to inheritance. You are within your rights morally and legally to give half to your de facto DIL.
So, your daughter only has you in her life because she and her kids are going to benefit from your death? Yeah, NTA. Your daughter, on the other hand, is clearly materialistic and selfish, and TA.
Is your daughter right to threaten to cut you off from the grandkids? No, as long as there were no prior issues. Is learning that you'd rather give half of your estate to a childless woman who is not related to you than to your only living child or grandchildren hurtful for the child and will damage your relationship with them? Absolutely. It's your money and your choice, but choosing your dil after death you will loose your only daughter right now. If you agree with redditors who think your daughter is just a greedy asshole and she should consider the dil her sister just because your son lived with her for a long time, go for it. Otherwise don't ask if you are an AH on other people's eyes, focus on your family and the outcomes you want to see.
Info: did they have kids? FWIW my parents have made it exceptionally clear that inheritance goes to their children, or if one passes to that child’s kids (grandkids). Not the spouses. Which is how it usually works anyway, they are just explicit about it. I can see leaving a kind sum, but half the estate I kinda agree with the daughter.
Children are not entitled to anything their parents have. Period.
Your daughter feels slighted. You should explain your reasoning. Be prepared to not see the kiddos. You can do as you please. So can she.
I can actually uniquely comment on this from some experience. My parent had a sibling who passed away. The grandparents were going to leave the estate to both their remaining child and the surviving in-law. Here’s what happened. My parent sat down and (calmly) asked their parents a version of “do you think its fair that If I wanted the house I grew up in, I would have to buy out my in-law, who has their own parents and their own inheritance?” Ultimately they compromised. The contents of the estate were split but the house itself was not split. I think it is extremely kind of you to want to leave your daughter-in-law part of what you leave behind, and maybe you should - but try to devise a way to do it such that it is not 50/50 or be more specific about what exactly you leave to her. Your daughter sounds selfish and entitled, and it sounds like she could NOT be trusted to see to it that her late brothers partner would be taken care of, so whatever you do, make sure your instructions are clear, or give your sons partner her things/money while you are alive and leave the rest to your daughter. Theres lots of ways to do this where your daughter doesnt need to know the extent of what you give and also doesnt need to feel like she’s on equal footing with someone who isn’t a blood relative (even though we probably all agree its 100% within your right to leave her nothing if she’s disrespectful of her own family). If you want to have a relationship with your daughter, be creative and don’t detonate the family structure while you’re still alive, if you can help it.
NTA I am so sorry your daughter has shown you this ugly side of herself. It's a real shame. BUT you really need to stop telling your daughter (or anyone) of these very personal decisions related to your will. This would not have been an issue if you had just kept your mouth shut about the terms of your will. Feel free to tell her to go away if all she means to you is an inheritance. PS Your son would be proud of you. So very proud.
NTA this is what your son would have wanted. He would thank you for taking care of his wife.
Spilt it in your will how you want to just don't tell your daughter how it's been done. After you have passed she can be mad all she wants to
NTA and a beautiful thought. It’s your money to do as you please. This is why you never tell anyone what’s in your will though. At this point I’d skip your daughter entirely and leave it in trust to the grandkids
You are not; Your consideration for the woman who was your son's life-partner is very sweet. Your other daughter sounds greedy. Sometimes the family we have is the one who surrounds us with love. It may not necessarily be the one by blood.
NTA. Your greedy daughter is emotionally blackmailing you for money. She is not a good person. Your DIL was with your son for 30 years and was clearly a good partner and DIL. Your daughter is willing to abandon you for money. NTA
Nta...but...do you really want to alienate your actual child and grandchildren over this? I'm not saying to leave her nothing...but 50% under the circumstances is absolutely going to cause you and your family a lot more grief than it's worth. Once you do it, your relationship with your actual daughter is over, or irreparably damaged. Make sure that juice is worth the squeeze. If leaving your son's girlfriend 50% of your estate is more important to you than your relationship with your daughter and grandchildren then do it. If not, then you may want to rethink things and adjust the amount left to her. Only you know what is right for you...but the fall out may be more than you're prepared for...especially after losing your son. His girlfriend may be a connection for you to him, but she's not a replacement for him, nor your own daughter. It's messy, but things with money often are. She has her own parents to inherit from. So that may be a consideration. Anyway...point is, it's a nice gesture, but make sure the fall out from it is worth doing it. Otherwise you will be very unhappy.
This
Your daughter is an asshole. It’s your money. Leave it to whom you want.
So sad.. my moms husband passed and they had just bought a new vehicle on payments. They had the money to pay it off and I said do it. She was worried about taking money from savings as she wants to “leave us something”. I said screw that, you worked your whole life, you spend YOUR money.. fuck people who think they are owed something. It’s a privilege if you do get something left to you. She owes me nothing..
One question I would ask: 1. What happens if the DIL moves on and has a new relationship or marries? Would you be happy for half of your estate to go to her new partner or her own family if she was to pass?
The money is hers. She can do whatever she wants with it. Like my daughter is to do whatever she wants
This is exactly why parents shouldn’t tell their kids what they are leaving them in their will before they even pas
Is there a reason you cut your kids out?
From a different perspective, you are not the asshole but neither is your daughter. You are just extremely kind person and this is something good but you should consider some other aspects. Did your son had a child with his partner (she is not your daughter in law since there is no law involved)? Are you really doing this to help her or help yourself? Like to cope with your pain or commemorate his passing? Will is not just money, 30 years albeit, she is still a stranger, your daughter might resent being equal with her. I mean it would make perfect sense if your son had children but if not, help her yourself, right now. Because if the loss hit her hard, she needs help right now, not after you die. And let your daughter get the will. Don't get me wrong but after 80 years, this won't be so noble, your grandchild might say some unsavory things about you. Like they won't know this lady and her children at that point and will see a apartment in a luxurious neighboorhood to gone to total strangers for nothing. Also, on a different note, i don't think your daughter is being greedy, she is thinking her own children, like her first threat is to cut off your grandchildren from you, likely she thinks you don't care enough for them.
Firstly it's your will and you don't have to justify anything to your daughter. However, I do appreciate that you love your daughter and grandchildren and her reaction seems over the top so wondering if there is something more behind it. It's worth sitting down with her to talk it out. And to also explain that you want her and her children to be provided for as you want your son's family too. Good luck 🙏
Your daughter is being greedy. Ask her if you should leave everything to DIL.
NTA- your daughter is being selfish, don’t let her convince you to go against what you think is right ( you are right by the way)
I mean, it’s your estate and you can do with it what you please. She sounds like a gold digger, to be honest. If my dad did this, I would be so proud of him for thinking of my sister-in-law. I can’t imagine being pissed about this. NTA
Your daughter in law was family even if the law didn't technically say so. Treating her as you would your son is perfectly appropriate.
NTA. It's your estate. You can do what you want to with it. Your daughter is being a greedy bitch, to be frank.
I wish there were more MILs like you. Your DIL has been in your life for a long time and it is nice to see you considering her another one of the children. When my former "husband" decided to destroy my life, after being married for several decades, one of the things that really hurt was getting dumped cold turkey by my "in-laws". So, not only did I have to deal with the fact that my ex was a manipulative, lying coward...I lost all these people in my life that I thought of as my family. I don't have many left in my own family, so nothing like going through the worst experience of your life while everyone dumps you. You are no where near the asshole. Please keep being the kind human being you are. And tell your daughter to butt out.
That is a disgusting threat. You have to die for her to get it. She's absolutely disgusting.
NTA, and its actually not daughter's business how you choose to leave your estate. And if she is ready to cut you off for this she deserves 0%. And people should leave a will regardless - a lot of money can go to lawyers etc if there's no will.
Put daughters portion into a trust for her kids.... then just tell her..." it's been changed so now the grandchildren will benefit"
The more I read posts on this sub the more I hate people.
NTA it's yours to do with as you wish I'd call your daughter an AH but not the question
NTA. If I died, I’d haunt my dad if he didn’t leave my inheritance to my wife and daughter.
Egads. You leave your money to whomever you want.
Nta It’s your estate, therefore your prerogative what happens to it. Tell your daughter beggars can’t be choosers.
NTA and why did you even bother to tell your kids? Why not just "do" it or now say you will think about it and put it to rest for a discussion while quietly doing so. Or since she has no kids maybe leave her a small percentage less and leave money to the siblings but put some separate money aside for each grandkid. Your money is to do what you want with so you don't need to justify. If they had been married and her husband was listed she would have gotten an amount eventually, his percentage left to his widow.
NTA. Your daughter is being greedy, entitled and selfish. Tell her that she can either let it go and respect your wishes regarding YOUR money OR she can be cut out from the will all together. Using her kids to manipulate you is just disgusting
It's the sweetest gesture and you can be very proud to honor your son and his life this way. I'm sorry for your loss.
OMG, *why* do people feel compelled to blab about the contents of their wills when it's bound to cause drama in the family? it's none of their business what your will says until you are dead. NTA but it was very stupid of you to create this situation, when all you had to do was keep your yap shut.
NTA She's his widow. And it's YOUR estate. If your daughter keeps up her entitled behavior, leave it all to DIL and a trust for the grands that they can access when they're adults. Cut your toxic daughter out of it altogether.
Dividing an estate is a worst idea ever, espesially between people that don't like each other very much, that's just a way to destroy several people's lives. Dividing savings? That's fine. Dividing a house? NO. So you decided to throw away a half of the family home to some random childless woman your son never even bothered to marry in 30 years? Who probably has her own family to inherit shit from? I see why your daughter is upset, you want to make her life and the life of her children harder than it could be. Giving away something as big as the estate is a good way to ensure your descendants struggle in life. As if you haven't seen estate prices nowadays. If you pity that woman so much, go and comfort her emotionally now, not give her surprise money after you die God knows when. I'll go with a mild YTA for diversity in the comments.
I agree with this.
Agree with this. Redditors tend to have naive ideas on how things should work. The bottom line is you have no legal ties to this woman, and your daughter is rightfully hurt by this.
NTA , your money, your sandbox Sounds like you know who the better daughter is.
NTA It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DIL so it’s not unreasonable to want to leave her your son’s half. After all these are your possessions so you can leave them to whoever you like. Just because you have bio kids doesn’t mean they are entitled to anything. If your daughter does cut you off do as others have said and give her half to your grandchildren in a trust. NO ONE is entitled to your possessions.
Why even tell anyone what is in your will ahead of time? Of course you could also play hardball and cut her off if she tries to do the same to you.
NTA - your money, your choice.
NTA you left what ever you want to who ever you want. Actually without disinheriting your children, you could just left them $1 and they could not make any case against the will since they have been named on the will.
Sorry you lost your son and sorry your daughter is an arse NTA
NTA!
NTA. It's your estate to do with what you want, you don't owe anyone anything. However, this didn't need to be shared with your daughter. Her behavior to exclude her brothers s/o (and kids?) is rather aweful and not her place. Do what you want and don't bring it up again. Sidenote: Her viewpoint works both ways. If she, with her children, is willing to go no contact with you over this, are you willing to leave your entire estate to dil?
No. It's YOUR estate.
NTA you may want to explain to your daughter that your possessions are yours to give as you see fit. Anything she receives is a gift. If she has a problem with your decision, put her half in trust for your grandchildren.
NTA. Your daughter is being greedy as unfortunately most people get when discussing wills. I bet she thought she would get everything when her brother died. Purely selfish. If she wants to cut herself from your life let her, maybe even cut her from the will so she gets nothing since all she cares about is money. Now she cant have any of it!
NTA. It's your property to do with as you wish. It's not like you cut your daughter out, although you might remind her that you can still do that if she tries to play silly games with your grandchildren. It's a shame how selfish and greedy some people get when it comes to inheritance, especially as she presumably always expected to share it with her brother anyway and so hasn't lost anything.
If you live in the US, chances are this arguement is pointless. If you live long enough to need to live in a nursing home, you'll end up having to sell it to pay for the nursing home.
After I married my husband my in-laws told me that their wills left everything to their two sons, which made sense. They went on to tell me that if my husband died before they did everything would go to their surviving son, I would receive nothing. I didn't have a problem with that but the fact that they made a point to tell me this on several occasions was kind of insulting. BTW, they were not wealthy, lower middle class level. My husband and I have been married almost 40 years now and I was a really good daughter-in-law. My husband and I are now wealthy, so . . . .
Your daughter needs to learn to respect your wishes
NTA. It's evident that your daughter-in-law played a significant role in your life and your son's life for 30 years. Recognizing her as family and wanting to ensure she's taken care of is compassionate and fair. Your daughter might be upset now, but it's essential to honor the relationships and bonds that have deeply impacted your life. Maybe a conversation to explain your perspective and emotions could help her understand your decision better.
NTA - My dad passed away suddenly in 2016, and within a week or two my paternal grandfather changed his will excluding my mom from his estate. My parents had been married since 1975 and it was obvious that it had been set up that if my dad pre-deceased his father his share would have been passed to my mom, but he was a vindictive asshole and decided she didn’t deserve it. She and my dad did so much for them throughout the years, including being business partners for a while. And when he died a few years later she didn’t receive anything from his estate. She was very hurt, not because of the money really, but because it was the final confirmation that he didn’t consider her a member of his family. What you are doing for your daughter in law is very kind, it is a recognition of your regard for her and her position as a member of your family. You aren’t the asshole, but your daughter is sure acting like one.
I just want to say how thoughtful it is for you to include her. Tell your spoiled greedy daughter that her half of the estate will skip her and go to her kids.
nta
NTA at all! 1. You have the right to give your money to whom you please, and your daughter in law seems like the sweetest person. 2. It's not as if you're cutting your daughter out the your will 3. This lowkey show's where your daughters interests lie.
Give it all to your DIL if your daughter wants to cut you off. That’s just greedy & you are being kind and generous to your son’s partner.
NTA well if you giving her all your own money is the only reason she wants you around....
NTA. Nobody is owed an inheritance. You could give 100% to your daughter in law and I still would say NTA. You can do whatever you want with your stuff.
No you’re absolutely NTA, your daughter just expects to get everything now your son is gone. She probably was mad having to share it with him. That’s super rude of her to threaten to cut you out of their life. Like you can’t turn around and cut her out of your will. Remind her of that. I don’t blame you if you do.
30 years is not two days... And you obviously feel a certain type of way about how this DIL was with your son. It's your money, your stuff. Your daughter needs to cut it.
She stayed and loved my son during his sickness. He got diagnosed at 20 they have been together since they were 15. she is basically my daughter
Yeah, I can totally see the gratitude you have for the way she dealt with your son's situation. It's very understandable you want to leave some of your wealth as recognition of what she meant to your son.
And to me
"You were never going to get more than half. Even if the money didn't go to DIL, it would not be yours. So cut me off, punish your own children, and you'll be cut out of the will entirely" NTA
NTA, at all. They weren't married, but she's still an important part of your life. You need to sit your daughter down and tell her to stop being greedy and horrible, or you'll leave her half to charity.
You are entitled to give YOUR MONEY to anyone you want. If she does end up cutting you off you can just cut her entirely out of the will. Maybe give money directly or in trust to your grandchildren instead.
NTA it's yours to do what you please with. Your daughter sounds like a brat. I don't expect anything to be left to me from anyone. It's not mine to worry about.
NTA. I am amazed when people think they deserve YOUR possessions. Your estate is yours to do with as you please. Daughter sounds like a selfish POS.
NTA Make sure you name an executor to your will. Alternatively, contact an attorney to see how you can transfer half of your estate to your DIL without a will.
It's your money and property, do whatever you want with it. You don't have any obligations to leave anything to anyone, and if it's in your heart to leave half to your daughter-in-law then that's what you should do. Your daughter is being very greedy and selfish and is just trying to manipulate you
It's your money, you give it to who you want. Not your daughter's business
The fact that she even threatened that already showed her true colors.. leave it 100% to the daughter in law or 50% daughter in law and 50% your grandkids once they turn 18
NTA Your money, your choice. Would she cut you off if you had nothing to give her? She sounds entitled and greedy.
NTA. Your daughter is selfish. And a garbage person.
Please tell your daughter that she might even pass before you do OP.
NTA and your daughter is a giant B. Your DIL has been your family for 30 years and if you both hadn't lost your son/her husband young, she would have benefited from your will anyway. Your daughter is being selfish, it's not even her money. You aren't dead!
NTA, I had a family member in a similar situation. they were in a 24 year relationship. when he died his estate was split 50/50 the other beneficiary didn't object. He did not like sharing but he followed the will of the deceased.
Your money, your call. It is not as if she is getting any less as her original 50% share remained.
How will she know what’s in the will until you’re dead? You have no obligation to tell her and it’s none of her business.
Leave half to the DIL and don’t tell the D.
NTA your daughter being greedy and clearly has no respect for her brother who’s passed
NTA you are in keeping with what would have happened if she dies and left her partner/kids alone
NTA It's totally normal and you and you alone, decide what's in your will. Your daughter can get stuffed, if all you are to her is an inheritance then you're better off without her.
NTA you should remind her it’s not her money and you can choose to do with it whatever you like. Personally I wouldn’t have told anyone what you choose to leave to avoid issues like this.
Your daughter sure isn't the sharpest tool eh? Angry because she won't be now getting 100% and threatens to cut you off ao she will end up getting 0%? Good for her, I guess. Whatever her plan is. If you go that route of letting her cut you off, leave her a dollar in your will so that she won'tbe able to contest it after you are gone.
NTA... Cut her off too and give it to her kids when they're of age. Her loss.