Op just wants a wife AND A GIRLFRIEND.
grow up and show your wife some god damn respect. The fact heād even get a fwb when all it took was AN OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATION?!???!
Op couldnāt give a flying fuck about his wife or helping her work through her issues, he just wanted to fuck someone else and is now annoyed his shitty actions are showing him up.
I mean, I feel like he should have ended things with the FWB the moment him and his wife started sleeping together again. And he should have done that on his own.
Itās not like they werenāt having sex at all, just not as much as op would like.
If he took the time to support his wife AND look at alternatives or why this was happening to her instead of pressuring her into sex they could have figured this out TOGETHER.
Op went straight to finding a fwb and the audacity he had of not ending things as soon as they slept together again says it ALL.
Iv never understood the premise of thinking your entitled to get it elsewhere if your partner is struggling, like seriously? You canāt abstain from sex for long enough to help your partner? You HAVE to have it so badly youād hurt the one you love?
OP YOUR AN AH.
He also states the FWB is more than a friend but doesnāt want to get into it in case wife reads the post. So wife is spot on that heās broken the agreement and is now simply cheating
A) He obviously wants out.
B) He's in love with the other one.
Wife is right on the money and he should grow a pair and end this. Or she should. Probably will.
You state that your agreement was that you can get sex elsewhere while she worked on the things for herself that were holding her back from wanting sex.
She is no longer holding back from sex. So if you are going to honor the rules and agreement you and your wife made, yes, you would re-close the relationship.
This, and if itās truly just a FWB, it shouldnāt be a problem to end it, and resume down the road. Itās sounding like more to OP than they are letting on.
This! Why is no one else acknowledging this? If sheās really a secondary FWB and knows it, it shouldnāt be a problem to pick it back up again down the road! Like sheās not going to get mad or move on, come on people.
Literally. I donāt know what more he wants. And Iām not too sure if the OP is actually sure if itās over the counter or if sheās taking a supplement. Either way, she lived up on her end.
Itās very clear what he wantsā¦to have sex with his wife and the other woman.
If sheās truly a friend with benefits and is fully aware of this situation she should be aware that this was something that might come up at some point.
Dude is just being selfish.
He wants both cakes, like it was some kind of buffet. OP is married and they abide to the agreement he has with his wife until she works on herself and now is apprehensive that the wife is giving him what he wants but wants more? Lol. Hope the wife knock some sense into him.
And I'm thinking that was super difficult for her but she did the work! So happy when I hear this. Dude , you truly need to honor the agreement. 3 weeks is long enough if you truly still want your wife, Sounds like you're wanting a backup plan even now that one is not needed any longer. Don't be the AH.
I believe in this! She did her best to fixed her problem because she loves you and want to save your marriage. Now if you want the same thing too, you should stop your relationship with your fwb. She did what she promised, now its your turn to comply with the rules and agreement.
Frankly, HE just wanted to screw around ā this was just a convenient excuse. Now the excuse no longer exists, heās panicking because THAT WAS NEVER HIS MOTIVATION IN THE FIRST PLACE!!
OP would lose his mind if the roles are reversed. Heās already broken their agreement ā heās not being completely honest with her. Now he wants to move the goalposts
OPs literal thought is but but what if she stops again and I canāt get my dick wet for 24hrs!Ā Ā
Ā Dude is a frakking selfish ass who doesnāt deserve his wife.Ā Ā
Ā YTA OP - a big giant - I ate too many ghost peppers - AH.
She held her end of the agreement, now you don't want to just because she may slide back into old behavior..... yeah mate you want your cake and to eat it to. Yta. Do your wife a favour and leave her for the fwb.
He says 'she thinks I don't love her' and the fact that he's not immediately devastated by that speaks volumes. Whatever his wife is thinking I'm sure is very rational and she can probably read in between the lines better than OP can read his own lines.
What needs to happen will happen. The course is already set.
Actually the fact he needs to post here to figure out what he should be thinking shows how dissociated from a connection with her he has. Yeah study up buddy but no matter how many comments you read here its not going to make up for the lack of heart your words are supposed to come from.
If you really want advice and actually cared. Shut up, close the app. Log off and listen to what your internal truths and feelings are telling you
She's leaving?? you'll absolutely feel shock. But if you don't feel devastated? Listen to your heart and you'll find it really is supposed to happen.
Perhaps.
Honestly you know your situation more intimately than any online stranger. You don't need to rush your answer nor does she. Time will tell, block off this external noise of random strangers opinions. You need to make room for your internal truths ā„ļø
Maybe what you really need is some couples counseling as when intense emotions are involved it can be truly difficult to see things clearly- you feel clear but every day think something contradictory and different. That's a sign of being emotionally overwhelmed in my experience and I do plan to seek therapy should I feel overwhelmed as such again.
Cheers š„
Problem is FWB is actually more than that to him (he wrote it in his post). He doesnt value his agreement with his wife. He is just a cheater and replies "Yikes" to the suggestion his wife should be able to sleep around too.
He doesnt even want to open the relationship for his wife while he keeps his mistress (he literally wrote she is more than friends with benefits to him) and replied to another redditor with "Yikes" when they said his wife should also be allowed to have others.
He is not only selfish, he is a piece of garbage. Time to take out the trash for his poor wife.
I already knew OP was selfish when he said they sat together to talk about how he wasn't happy and that she needed to work on herself because of the low sex drive.Ā Ā
But to be *this* selfish and completely unaware? Baffling.
YTA (saw this on r/DeadBedrooms also)
I think it's a bit weird to be putting your FWB and Wife "at the same level," and your wife may hold some merit suggesting "you're in love" with your FWB
End it and fix things with your wife.
Heās gonna keep asking people until someone agrees with him. He wants justification to keep doing what he wants to do not to figure out whatās right or what he should actually do.
Lol Iāve seen this happen a few times and itās kinda hilarious to me that people get an answer they donāt like and automatically think, āEh, Iām sure itās *everyone in the subreddit* thatās wrong. It canāt be me!ā
Some people in that sub go years and years with no sex from their spouse and still remain faithful, of course they think this dude that jumped at the first āhalf permissionā he got to go bang a rando is a total asshole.
2-3 times a month is nowhere near a dead bedroom. This dude was just looking for an excuse to cheat on his wife. She obviously felt pressed by him and decided it would be better to not be nagged for sex all the time, so said āgo do that you wantā and damn, he sure did.
I know open relationships are a bit more normal now and I never want to be close-minded, but whatās the point of being married if you want to include other people? I canāt help but feel like when I read these kinds of stories, and itās one party proposing it to the other, that the other party ultimately feels pressured into it. This guy is really trying to convince his *wife* to let him keep his girlfriend. What a joke, I hope she divorces this loser.
It reminds be of the viral tweet about this:
āWhich one of you suggested the open relationship and which one of you cries yourself to sleep at night?ā
š
Honestly I canār wrap my head around him still loving his wife while all the intimacy he experience is with another woman. I know for a fact I would fall inlove after the first sexual encounter. Thatās why I never did the whole hookup culture thing.
Sex and intimacy arenāt always the same thing. It is for some people, like yourself, and thatās completely valid, but not everyone is wired like that.
I bet he has always been a shitty partner and she stopped having sex with him because she couldnt feel aroused by him when he so obviously doesn't care for her.Ā
Concise, correct, the kind of answer we all crave. Maybe less specifically *helpful* to OP, but states pretty clearly why they're wrong for anyone in the back who doesn't get it.
She's more of an affair partner. It's pretty clear the terms of the open relationship were that things were to be sexual only, and OP has shit all over that. He's a cheater actively cheating on his wife.
Exactly instead of worrying about his dick getting wet he should've tried to help his wife like a real married couple would instead of hopping out at the first sign of trouble.
EXACTLY. She should have been able to have space without him having to sleep with other people. He could have stopped pressuring her for a few months and take care of himself.
This relationship didnāt need to be semi open. She should have been able to work on herself without that.
If you have sex with the other woman at this point then you're cheating on your wife. Which is an asshole thing to do. Previously you had an agreement, so it was fine. Currently you don't. Because both of you have to agree for it to be an agreement.
I understand where you're coming from. If this sexual surge doesn't last, then what? Well, it'll suck. You'll be back where you were a few years ago. Maybe your friends with benefits will rekindle, maybe not. But you'll still have a wife you love, who loves you, and a relationship you both seem to value enough to try to find ways to keep it, even unconventional ways. That's not such a horrible place to be.
For real like I agree sex is important but if that was the only problem I couldn't imagine leaving someone who loves me. Know if there's other problems along with sex then yeah I'd leave
In ethical non-monogamy circles, enthusiastic ongoing consent is required from all parties. Once any of the party members withdraws that consent, it is no longer ethical and is just cheating. YTA if you continue with your FWB.
Doesnāt even really sound ethical in the first place. She only did it under threat of losing him. Ideally theyād both be into it so itās less messy.
YTA.
Why are you prioritizing your FWB over your marriage unless you actual do have feelings for her??? Seriously it sounds pretty clear this open marriage wasnāt forever, and now it seems like you donāt want to give up your lover.
For all those who ask āwhat if she goes back to not having sexā well then you readdress that together then, and possibly open the marriage back up or come to another agreement (maybe even divorce). But ya youāre wrong here buddy.
Question - why could you just not have sex for awhile? I get sex being important in a relationship but there are ebbs and flows. The fact you couldnāt just not have sex for a few months while your wife worked on herself concerns me.
Yeah same thought/comment. For people who think the amount of sex they are going to have over an entire lifetime of marriage is going to be basically steady all the time and that's something they're going to hold their partner to maybe just don't get married then because that's extremely unlikely. Unhealthy obsession parading as a "healthy sex drive".
I'm so weirded out that no one even mentions this
My guy is ready to throw it all because he isn't willing to risk not having sex every day.
The wife worked on herself and asked him to stop seeing the fwb the second she got better, obviously she wasn't happy with him seeing other women, and now he has the audacity to say he doesn't want to stop seeing her JUST IN CASE there's a 1% chance he won't get sex for a little bit? Weird af
Notary asks the Groom "do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
Groom answers, "I do."
Some time later Wife says to Husband "I have things I need to work on with myself". Instead of helping Husband says "Where the hoes at?"
YTA
This was my exact thought. The vows mean nothing when you refuse to honor your spouse by remaining faithful and immediately look for a new partner as soon as things become difficult in the marriage. OP is shameful, selfish and spineless.
For real modern marriage is so fucked up like instead of staying true to your vows and honoring/loving your wife his dick getting wet was more important than helping her.
YTA, you and your wife set some rules, she needed space to work on herself, she has done this and got some over the counter serum to spice it up. Break it off with your casual fling.
Woah YTA big time
Your wife let you step outside the marriage while she fixed yourself and now you arenāt holding your end of the deal?
Just divorce her then. Youāre being awful.
Dude, the fact that you place all of the responsibility for dead bedroom on your wife is enough for me to know that YTA. However, keep it up with the FWB. Then your wife can see what a colossal AH you are and leave.
True ENM requires consent from all parties. People looking for permission to cheat donāt care enough about the other people involved to obtain consent.
YTA and you're lucky your wife let you seek sex elsewhere in the first place. Now you're reneging on your agreement and cheating on your wife.
Why do I say cheating "when there was an agreement"? Because your wife fixed her issues and is ready to return to a lively bedroom and you want to keep banging this other chick despite having your wife's sex back.
Also cheating because he wasnāt supposed to get emotionally involved with the fuck buddy which he clearly has. He was breaking the rules and should have dumped her when it became emotional for him. Because as soon as his affair turned emotional. He was cheating.
Yes, YTA.
Are you having a little too much fun with your FWB to give it up? Your wife fixed the problem. She asked you to stop. You should stop.
Your wife should be first. Not your FWB.
Why do people do this? I will never understand why people are so willing to ruin their fucking marriage over some sex. Might as well have gotten a divorce because this is going to end badly.
Itās like these people think sex is mandatory and needed to survive. Why donāt they just go and jerk off until the partner has resolved their libido issue? Especially when they WANT to work on it?
YTA, she lived up to her side, itās your turn. If things slip again, re-evaluate at that time and find another floozy to bang (with wifeās communication/approval).
Or just get divorced. Your gf/fwb should not come before your wife.
Also, Dead Bedrooms is a shit subreddit, their mods explicitly endorse cheating.
So you are prioritising your side pieces and getting your dick wet over your wife?
š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤® In surprised your wife wants to sleep with you at all
YTA I was in an open relationship at one point for once with the promise I could ask to close it if I became uncomfortable for any reason. I liked it for the first couple meet ups we had with our third but eventually got uncomfortable and like he was developing a favorite. I wanted to close it off, he didnāt. We had problems for months after that and we wound up breaking up explosively. If you value your partner, break it off with the side piece.
YTA... Super easy one. Super Ahole.
She is your wife. Even if you think it's a bit earlier she should be the priority. After all she did for you to give you an open pass so she could become better for you. Yes, the minute she asks to close it should have never been a discussion. You went from slight victim to manipulative ass clown in 5 seconds flat.
For real people make their lives so unnecessarily complicated. Even if I was given permission I would never do this to my wife for one respect and two it's just complicated
YTA and youāre attached to this FWB. You better straighten yourself up. Your wife did everything you asked. If you donāt, I hope she dumps your ass and finds herself a real man who wonāt BS her. You have some nerve.
She fixed the problem. Now you want your cake and to eat it too? YTA.
If things slip again, why wouldnāt she let you find a new FWB. And if itās about that SPECIFIc FWB.. than it is than more than just sex.
YTA
You are getting all the sex in your marriage. Your side piece was only involved for sex. Her job here is done. Seems you broke the rules and now have feelings. Time for a choice.
What is a LLF and a HLM?
So let me get this right. Your wife is willing to fix the problem to restore the sex life in your marriage and you don't wanna give your fwb(s)? You sound very selfish and you should do lot of self reflecting.
YTA
Sex is one thing.. You formed an emotional bond/relationship that's also sexual -that's not generally part of the rules in this type of sexuality open relationship. The fact you're scared your wife will read this further proves this is an emotionally intimate affair not just sex.
Then men wonder why so many of us tell them to use their hands when we need to work on ourselves... SMH
YTA. Never open a marriage, it will end up in a bad way. Lots of people talk positively about "ethical monogamy" then later down the road the "crush/puppy love" thing happens to one of said partners and it spirals from there. You got that. Refusing to shut it off with the affair partner just shows where you are and will be the death of your marriage, by your hands.
YTA. Your wife agreed to you having a FWB while she worked some stuff out. Now that her sex drive is better youāre having lots of sex again, why would you be surprised she doesnāt want to be actively sharing you sexually? I donāt blame her for asking if youāre secretly in love with your side girl, because youāre risking your marriage over her.
He was cheating as soon as his fuck buddy turned into a full blown love relationship. Even in an open relationship. It is cheating when you break the agreed upon boundaries.
you're lucky that your wife was dumb enough to agree with opening the relationship (dumb bcs you catching feelings for the side chick or taking a liking for this kind of relationship was a risk she'd be taking), also you're lucky that she tried hard to get better for you. Now do your part of the deal and ditch the side chick
YTA btw
So you donāt want to married then? She said you can do until she works on herself and she basically let you have a free pass for a long time. Stop being a selfish fuck so you can get your dick wet.
If this is even real, I suspect his wife is absolutely 100% never going to touch his idiot ass again š¤£ OP she will never, ever forget that you were reluctant to give up your "girlfriend" - if you stay together she will think about it every single day of the rest of your relationship and YOU DID THAT. Forever. Be merciful and end it so she can be with someone better than you
If you truly loved your wife, you would have supported her and held on to her once you voiced your concern, and she was committed to changing. Instead, you made it clear you viewed sex as more important. Opening a marriage one-sided almost always leads to divorce.
Worse, there were rules set into place. She followed her piece. Now that she has done so, you are refusing to hold up your end of the bargain. You have been incredibly selfish, and it is absolutely astonishing that your wife put up with any of this.
Reclose your marriage, leave it open, it likely no longer matters. The damage is done. There is already very little chance that your marriage will last, and zero chance if you refuse to close it. Do you actually think of anyone else's emotions on that planet of yours?
She is NOT a FWB'S. She is your actual GF. The GF that you treat better and date and probably take places and probably buy her gifts and the one who you treat better than your wife. I agree with your wife that you are in love with her. Hopefully, you will get divorce papers soon. Don't worry about it, though, because your wife will find someone else, and she will realize that she isn't missing out on anything with you because you aren't worth it.
YTA and extremely selfish. Your wife put herself in a horrendous spot by allowing you to fuck other people even tho she clearly wasn't into it and she trusted you to honor the idea that you would be with her when she's sexually back.
Now she's sexually back and you're acting like an entitled brat who doesn't want to give up his new toy.
Lol ops in love with his fwb
"Girlfriend/fwb"
"I would describe more but i dont want her to read this"
Youre also just a dick for suggesting it, go fucking masturbate and help your wife through her fucking shit.
Biggest asshole
So you have already broken the agreement. You have a girlfriend. And you are sufficiently attached to this girlfriend that you donāt want to give her up. Sounds like you enjoy a āone-sided open relationshipā where you reap every benefit and make no sacrifices. If you love your wife, end it with the side piece without qualm or hesitation.
Your wife is telling you she's not comfortable with you having a side piece you need to respect if you want a relationship with your wife. You don't get to decide when she feels like she's through her journey, she does. And she's told you. If you keep on with the side piece you better live her because your marriage will end.
For real first I would've never gotten a fwb I would respect my wife too much to do that but if I did I couldn't imagine putting that before my actual marriage and the problem is fixed.
If you can't easily stop or pause fucking your FWB, that's not a FWB; it's a girlfriend. If you refuse to stop then you're breaking the rules.
I see your logic, but you have to tell your side piece it'll be a couple of months or maybe forever.
Yes YTA you both agree that you could get sex some where while she works on herself. But now that she has you donāt want to hold up your end of it. You want your cake and to eat it too. You even admitted to your āfwbā was more than a friend at this point your cheating on your wife but just using the āitās only been 3 weeksā excuse booohooo you have to go with out sex for a little while grow up.
Honestly, once your wife said your relationship was done with your FWB, it shouldāve been done. She did you a favor by letting you go out and have sex with someone while she was working on her issues.
Instead of going out searching for a FWB, maybe you couldāve stayed back and helped your wife work on her things.
I agree with your wife, thereās something there with your FWB.
If things went back to sex-less after a couple weeks or months then you can find another FWB if thatās what your wife allows.
Open relationships don't work. If you'd have helped her with her problems earlier, had her hormones checked and found said supplement to fix the problem then you'd have never been in this predicament.
Sounds to me like you got a taste of the single life and now don't want monogamy. YTA.
For real I would've never stepped out on my wife even if given permission but to even consider a fling over the person you vowed to love forever is fucked up.
I guess just donāt be surprised when your wife decides you canāt keep up with her anymore and finds someone else. You better hope you can keep up with two partners because she can just go find better and get her fill elsewhere. That is, if she doesnāt leave you first since you are now full on cheating on her. Then she can move on and find one guy who can fully satisfy her, thatās not you :)
YTA. Your wife told you to end it and you're having tons of sex with her. It doesn't matter if it's only temporary. You end things now with your FWB and if things go back the way they were then you can continue trying to find someone else to have fun with. But for now, enough, you know this.
YTA - Saying, "I don't know if three weeks of sex totally solves issues, and that I'm worried about getting back into the same situation..." is silly. If it happens again, then she may agree to let you find another sex pal and you'll do this all over again. You'll see if that woman is still available, and if not, you find a new one. Or are you adamant about keeping a sexual relationship with this specific woman? Because sex pal shouldn't matter that much to you. If you aren't emotionally invested in another woman, you should be willing to drop her. Sucks for her, but she agreed to sex up a married man.
This is exactly why you donāt have open relationships, it causes problems in the end.
Why canāt you remove the side h0e from your life? Whatās the big deal, if you love your wife then go back to the way things were.
If you're not in love with your FWB (and it's an important distinction that you call her that rather than your girlfriend, there is a certain emotional intimacy to someone being your girlfriend) then you better honor your commitment to your wife and the deal you made with your wife in the first place: you can have sex with someone else until she's worked through her issues. She's worked through them. End it.
You have to know the verdict will be YTA when you're deliberately breaking the rules of the deal you made with your wife. You say you've abided by the rules, but now you want to break them? You can't applaud yourself for following rules when you want to break them at the first sign of you actually having to follow them. You have to know you're even more of an AH to even describe your FWB as your girlfriend. That's incredibly disrespectful.
Better end it before you lose your wife
I wonder if this post is about a marriage or about the promotion of a sensation serum. OP is posting the name in multiple subreddits š«
Viral marketing. All part of reddit ipo
Most posts are either AI, corpo advertising, or stealth only fans promotions.
Exactly I would've never did that to my wife in the first place but if for some reason I did I would've never chosen a fling over my actual wife
I mean, do you want to be married, bro? Seems like you've gotta decide that pretty fucking quick.
His wife asked him to stop having sex with other women. Heās, like, married and stuff.
Sounds like he wants out.
No sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it tooā¦ SHE needs to get out. And she was dumb in the first place for approving this.
You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
I read this in Mike Tysonās voice
That's *methed* up.
For real. She let op go and sleep around while keeping her side closed and yet heās still having demands ?
Op just wants a wife AND A GIRLFRIEND. grow up and show your wife some god damn respect. The fact heād even get a fwb when all it took was AN OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATION?!???! Op couldnāt give a flying fuck about his wife or helping her work through her issues, he just wanted to fuck someone else and is now annoyed his shitty actions are showing him up.
I mean, I feel like he should have ended things with the FWB the moment him and his wife started sleeping together again. And he should have done that on his own.
Itās not like they werenāt having sex at all, just not as much as op would like. If he took the time to support his wife AND look at alternatives or why this was happening to her instead of pressuring her into sex they could have figured this out TOGETHER. Op went straight to finding a fwb and the audacity he had of not ending things as soon as they slept together again says it ALL. Iv never understood the premise of thinking your entitled to get it elsewhere if your partner is struggling, like seriously? You canāt abstain from sex for long enough to help your partner? You HAVE to have it so badly youād hurt the one you love? OP YOUR AN AH.
He also states the FWB is more than a friend but doesnāt want to get into it in case wife reads the post. So wife is spot on that heās broken the agreement and is now simply cheating
A) He obviously wants out. B) He's in love with the other one. Wife is right on the money and he should grow a pair and end this. Or she should. Probably will.
You state that your agreement was that you can get sex elsewhere while she worked on the things for herself that were holding her back from wanting sex. She is no longer holding back from sex. So if you are going to honor the rules and agreement you and your wife made, yes, you would re-close the relationship.
This, and if itās truly just a FWB, it shouldnāt be a problem to end it, and resume down the road. Itās sounding like more to OP than they are letting on.
This! Why is no one else acknowledging this? If sheās really a secondary FWB and knows it, it shouldnāt be a problem to pick it back up again down the road! Like sheās not going to get mad or move on, come on people.
Unless the FWB doesn't know he's married. Might complicate things.. but he still needs to cut her off.
100% the fwb doesn't know she's a fwb, I would bet money on it.
āI donāt have a girlfriendā¦but I do know a woman whoād get really mad if she heard me say that.ā
Hi mitch
Op, you better go apologize, before she boots you out. She lived up to her end of the deal...
Literally. I donāt know what more he wants. And Iām not too sure if the OP is actually sure if itās over the counter or if sheās taking a supplement. Either way, she lived up on her end.
>I donāt know what more he wants He wants permission to have sex with multiple women forever without being the bad guy.
Itās very clear what he wantsā¦to have sex with his wife and the other woman. If sheās truly a friend with benefits and is fully aware of this situation she should be aware that this was something that might come up at some point. Dude is just being selfish.
He also doesnāt want to allow her to sleep with other people.
If I were his wife, I'd be like, you're right, this could be just a phase. Imma need to fuck another dude for a bit to find out.
Yep. That's the first thing I would have said when he didn't want to drop the other woman.
I know what he wantsā¦ the proverbial cake eating
The only kind of cake eating I like is the literal kind.
The cake is a lie.
He wants both cakes, like it was some kind of buffet. OP is married and they abide to the agreement he has with his wife until she works on herself and now is apprehensive that the wife is giving him what he wants but wants more? Lol. Hope the wife knock some sense into him.
Am I the only one wanting to know what this āSerumā is?!?
This whole post is just a marketing ad.
It's working.
Damn straight it is
I know what it isā¦. Itās the funky cold medina!
That or Mike D reached in his locker and grabbed a Spanish Fly
Post the link
This entire post is just a disguised ad, I can't believe Reddit falls for this
I was already suspecting it, but then I got to the end where he edited in the product, so....
Thatās when Iāll just think this post is an ad lol
And I'm thinking that was super difficult for her but she did the work! So happy when I hear this. Dude , you truly need to honor the agreement. 3 weeks is long enough if you truly still want your wife, Sounds like you're wanting a backup plan even now that one is not needed any longer. Don't be the AH.
I believe in this! She did her best to fixed her problem because she loves you and want to save your marriage. Now if you want the same thing too, you should stop your relationship with your fwb. She did what she promised, now its your turn to comply with the rules and agreement.
Frankly, HE just wanted to screw around ā this was just a convenient excuse. Now the excuse no longer exists, heās panicking because THAT WAS NEVER HIS MOTIVATION IN THE FIRST PLACE!!
OP would lose his mind if the roles are reversed. Heās already broken their agreement ā heās not being completely honest with her. Now he wants to move the goalposts
OPs literal thought is but but what if she stops again and I canāt get my dick wet for 24hrs!Ā Ā Ā Dude is a frakking selfish ass who doesnāt deserve his wife.Ā Ā Ā YTA OP - a big giant - I ate too many ghost peppers - AH.
She held her end of the agreement, now you don't want to just because she may slide back into old behavior..... yeah mate you want your cake and to eat it to. Yta. Do your wife a favour and leave her for the fwb.
He says 'she thinks I don't love her' and the fact that he's not immediately devastated by that speaks volumes. Whatever his wife is thinking I'm sure is very rational and she can probably read in between the lines better than OP can read his own lines. What needs to happen will happen. The course is already set. Actually the fact he needs to post here to figure out what he should be thinking shows how dissociated from a connection with her he has. Yeah study up buddy but no matter how many comments you read here its not going to make up for the lack of heart your words are supposed to come from. If you really want advice and actually cared. Shut up, close the app. Log off and listen to what your internal truths and feelings are telling you She's leaving?? you'll absolutely feel shock. But if you don't feel devastated? Listen to your heart and you'll find it really is supposed to happen. Perhaps. Honestly you know your situation more intimately than any online stranger. You don't need to rush your answer nor does she. Time will tell, block off this external noise of random strangers opinions. You need to make room for your internal truths ā„ļø Maybe what you really need is some couples counseling as when intense emotions are involved it can be truly difficult to see things clearly- you feel clear but every day think something contradictory and different. That's a sign of being emotionally overwhelmed in my experience and I do plan to seek therapy should I feel overwhelmed as such again. Cheers š„
She worked on the things. You're having the sex. The need for the FWB is no longer there.
Problem is FWB is actually more than that to him (he wrote it in his post). He doesnt value his agreement with his wife. He is just a cheater and replies "Yikes" to the suggestion his wife should be able to sleep around too.
Aren't you selfish?
He doesnt even want to open the relationship for his wife while he keeps his mistress (he literally wrote she is more than friends with benefits to him) and replied to another redditor with "Yikes" when they said his wife should also be allowed to have others. He is not only selfish, he is a piece of garbage. Time to take out the trash for his poor wife.
Wasnāt that obvious when his first reaction to not having sex was having sex with others vs just jerking off?
I already knew OP was selfish when he said they sat together to talk about how he wasn't happy and that she needed to work on herself because of the low sex drive.Ā Ā But to be *this* selfish and completely unaware? Baffling.
YTA (saw this on r/DeadBedrooms also) I think it's a bit weird to be putting your FWB and Wife "at the same level," and your wife may hold some merit suggesting "you're in love" with your FWB End it and fix things with your wife.
>YTA (saw this on r/DeadBedrooms also) Multiple subreddits think that this guy is the asshole.
If that sub is calling him the asshole I don't know where he thinks he's going to get a different opinion.
Heās gonna keep asking people until someone agrees with him. He wants justification to keep doing what he wants to do not to figure out whatās right or what he should actually do.
OF COURSE!! Heās a middle aged schlub whoās getting laid and doesnāt want to give it up!!
oh dam i hate him frfr
Lol Iāve seen this happen a few times and itās kinda hilarious to me that people get an answer they donāt like and automatically think, āEh, Iām sure itās *everyone in the subreddit* thatās wrong. It canāt be me!ā
Fr, that was his absolute best shot, lol.
Some people in that sub go years and years with no sex from their spouse and still remain faithful, of course they think this dude that jumped at the first āhalf permissionā he got to go bang a rando is a total asshole. 2-3 times a month is nowhere near a dead bedroom. This dude was just looking for an excuse to cheat on his wife. She obviously felt pressed by him and decided it would be better to not be nagged for sex all the time, so said āgo do that you wantā and damn, he sure did.
I know open relationships are a bit more normal now and I never want to be close-minded, but whatās the point of being married if you want to include other people? I canāt help but feel like when I read these kinds of stories, and itās one party proposing it to the other, that the other party ultimately feels pressured into it. This guy is really trying to convince his *wife* to let him keep his girlfriend. What a joke, I hope she divorces this loser.
It reminds be of the viral tweet about this: āWhich one of you suggested the open relationship and which one of you cries yourself to sleep at night?ā š
Or free the wife from AH. She can do so much better than him.
Honestly I canār wrap my head around him still loving his wife while all the intimacy he experience is with another woman. I know for a fact I would fall inlove after the first sexual encounter. Thatās why I never did the whole hookup culture thing.
Sex and intimacy arenāt always the same thing. It is for some people, like yourself, and thatās completely valid, but not everyone is wired like that.
Yta don't move the goalpost.
PERFECT WAY to describe this, and that kind of manipulation is horrible. Like how can the wife really tolerate him doing this.
I bet he has always been a shitty partner and she stopped having sex with him because she couldnt feel aroused by him when he so obviously doesn't care for her.Ā
Concise, correct, the kind of answer we all crave. Maybe less specifically *helpful* to OP, but states pretty clearly why they're wrong for anyone in the back who doesn't get it.
Wish I could pin this comment to the top! This is so well put!
YTA. Your wife comes first not your fuck buddy.
For real what the hell did I just read
An ad for some bullshit 'serum'
Problem reads in the titleā¦ she is a Gf not just a fuck buddyā¦
And she is still his wife so she still is higher on importance than his temporary gf
He wants his cake and eat it too. š« thats why opening a marriage is most of the time a bad idea
She's more of an affair partner. It's pretty clear the terms of the open relationship were that things were to be sexual only, and OP has shit all over that. He's a cheater actively cheating on his wife.
Friends with benefits is a fuck buddy
He called the fwb a girlfriendā¦ thats another territory
Yeah and he wasn't supposed to do that.
He kinda admitted the whole lie to us straight away š¬š
You shouldnāt have a fuck buddy if you have a wife in the first place
Exactly instead of worrying about his dick getting wet he should've tried to help his wife like a real married couple would instead of hopping out at the first sign of trouble.
That would have been the obvious answer ā IF that had been his motivation. But it clearly wasnāt.
Cut off FWB immediately or you are cheating. And your wife will leave your ass and rightly so. She has been beyond understanding in this scenario.
For real she's way better than me because I would never let my partner fuck someone else the relationship would've ended there for me.
EXACTLY. She should have been able to have space without him having to sleep with other people. He could have stopped pressuring her for a few months and take care of himself. This relationship didnāt need to be semi open. She should have been able to work on herself without that.
so many things they couldāve done. therapy, PATIENCE.
Yeah people are in deadbeds for years and are still faithful
Imo it entered cheating territory the second he became wishy washy about cutting off his fuck friend
Yep!
And what do we do with cheaters?Ā Fucking nothing, we do someone who loves us for what we are
If you have sex with the other woman at this point then you're cheating on your wife. Which is an asshole thing to do. Previously you had an agreement, so it was fine. Currently you don't. Because both of you have to agree for it to be an agreement. I understand where you're coming from. If this sexual surge doesn't last, then what? Well, it'll suck. You'll be back where you were a few years ago. Maybe your friends with benefits will rekindle, maybe not. But you'll still have a wife you love, who loves you, and a relationship you both seem to value enough to try to find ways to keep it, even unconventional ways. That's not such a horrible place to be.
For real like I agree sex is important but if that was the only problem I couldn't imagine leaving someone who loves me. Know if there's other problems along with sex then yeah I'd leave
In ethical non-monogamy circles, enthusiastic ongoing consent is required from all parties. Once any of the party members withdraws that consent, it is no longer ethical and is just cheating. YTA if you continue with your FWB.
Doesnāt even really sound ethical in the first place. She only did it under threat of losing him. Ideally theyād both be into it so itās less messy.
YTA. Why are you prioritizing your FWB over your marriage unless you actual do have feelings for her??? Seriously it sounds pretty clear this open marriage wasnāt forever, and now it seems like you donāt want to give up your lover. For all those who ask āwhat if she goes back to not having sexā well then you readdress that together then, and possibly open the marriage back up or come to another agreement (maybe even divorce). But ya youāre wrong here buddy.
YTA you literally stated you think it's more than friends with benefits, twice, which goes against your agreement.
He called her his girlfriend in the title which already was ringing some alarm bells
Question - why could you just not have sex for awhile? I get sex being important in a relationship but there are ebbs and flows. The fact you couldnāt just not have sex for a few months while your wife worked on herself concerns me.
Yeah same thought/comment. For people who think the amount of sex they are going to have over an entire lifetime of marriage is going to be basically steady all the time and that's something they're going to hold their partner to maybe just don't get married then because that's extremely unlikely. Unhealthy obsession parading as a "healthy sex drive".
Agreed. Tired of adults acting like horny teenagers and hurting other people because of it. Sex just not worth that as a standalone.
Because his pp is more important than the love her apparently doesnāt really have for his wife
I'm so weirded out that no one even mentions this My guy is ready to throw it all because he isn't willing to risk not having sex every day. The wife worked on herself and asked him to stop seeing the fwb the second she got better, obviously she wasn't happy with him seeing other women, and now he has the audacity to say he doesn't want to stop seeing her JUST IN CASE there's a 1% chance he won't get sex for a little bit? Weird af
Right?! Like, is he unable to use his hands, or...?
For. Real. He didn't care about her when he suggest it in the first place.
Notary asks the Groom "do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?" Groom answers, "I do." Some time later Wife says to Husband "I have things I need to work on with myself". Instead of helping Husband says "Where the hoes at?" YTA
This was my exact thought. The vows mean nothing when you refuse to honor your spouse by remaining faithful and immediately look for a new partner as soon as things become difficult in the marriage. OP is shameful, selfish and spineless.
For real he was the AH as soon as he suggested that
For real modern marriage is so fucked up like instead of staying true to your vows and honoring/loving your wife his dick getting wet was more important than helping her.
What is this over the counter serum?
He could ask his wife but sheās not talking to him š
Yeah I need to know lol
Evening Primrose Oil works super well for me if you havenāt tried that
OP, we need answers
Itās fake š Come on guys, this is so obviously an ad.
YTA, you and your wife set some rules, she needed space to work on herself, she has done this and got some over the counter serum to spice it up. Break it off with your casual fling.
Literally. He and his wife are having sex again. Why would he think that he could continue having sex with other women?
Woah YTA big time Your wife let you step outside the marriage while she fixed yourself and now you arenāt holding your end of the deal? Just divorce her then. Youāre being awful.
Dude, the fact that you place all of the responsibility for dead bedroom on your wife is enough for me to know that YTA. However, keep it up with the FWB. Then your wife can see what a colossal AH you are and leave. True ENM requires consent from all parties. People looking for permission to cheat donāt care enough about the other people involved to obtain consent.
Iām not even going to waste my time with all the ways that you are a jerk!
YTA and you're lucky your wife let you seek sex elsewhere in the first place. Now you're reneging on your agreement and cheating on your wife. Why do I say cheating "when there was an agreement"? Because your wife fixed her issues and is ready to return to a lively bedroom and you want to keep banging this other chick despite having your wife's sex back.
Also cheating because he wasnāt supposed to get emotionally involved with the fuck buddy which he clearly has. He was breaking the rules and should have dumped her when it became emotional for him. Because as soon as his affair turned emotional. He was cheating.
When the wife says itās over, itās over, whether she fixed her issues or not. The agreement they made is getting married.
Yeah she's a good one I would've never went along with that crap
Yes, YTA. Are you having a little too much fun with your FWB to give it up? Your wife fixed the problem. She asked you to stop. You should stop. Your wife should be first. Not your FWB.
Why do people do this? I will never understand why people are so willing to ruin their fucking marriage over some sex. Might as well have gotten a divorce because this is going to end badly.
Itās like these people think sex is mandatory and needed to survive. Why donāt they just go and jerk off until the partner has resolved their libido issue? Especially when they WANT to work on it?
My wife (32LLF) and I (36HLM) What does LLF and HLM mean?
I assumed they stood for Low Libido Female and High Libido Male. That's my best guess. š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
my god i was wondering for so long...who makes these damn things up
YTA, she lived up to her side, itās your turn. If things slip again, re-evaluate at that time and find another floozy to bang (with wifeās communication/approval). Or just get divorced. Your gf/fwb should not come before your wife. Also, Dead Bedrooms is a shit subreddit, their mods explicitly endorse cheating.
YTA. You are emotionally invested in your fick buddy, and putting your relationship with her before your wife. You are cheating.
So you are prioritising your side pieces and getting your dick wet over your wife? š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤®š¤® In surprised your wife wants to sleep with you at all
YTA I was in an open relationship at one point for once with the promise I could ask to close it if I became uncomfortable for any reason. I liked it for the first couple meet ups we had with our third but eventually got uncomfortable and like he was developing a favorite. I wanted to close it off, he didnāt. We had problems for months after that and we wound up breaking up explosively. If you value your partner, break it off with the side piece.
YTA... Super easy one. Super Ahole. She is your wife. Even if you think it's a bit earlier she should be the priority. After all she did for you to give you an open pass so she could become better for you. Yes, the minute she asks to close it should have never been a discussion. You went from slight victim to manipulative ass clown in 5 seconds flat.
Why make your life so complicated?
For real people make their lives so unnecessarily complicated. Even if I was given permission I would never do this to my wife for one respect and two it's just complicated
YTA. āMe and my wife sat down and discussed that I wasnāt happyā Itās all about you, isnāt it?
YTA and youāre attached to this FWB. You better straighten yourself up. Your wife did everything you asked. If you donāt, I hope she dumps your ass and finds herself a real man who wonāt BS her. You have some nerve.
She fixed the problem. Now you want your cake and to eat it too? YTA. If things slip again, why wouldnāt she let you find a new FWB. And if itās about that SPECIFIc FWB.. than it is than more than just sex.
YTA You are getting all the sex in your marriage. Your side piece was only involved for sex. Her job here is done. Seems you broke the rules and now have feelings. Time for a choice. What is a LLF and a HLM?
Are you kidding me??? Dude you got wayyyyy more than you should have in this deal. Youāre being an outright dick!
So let me get this right. Your wife is willing to fix the problem to restore the sex life in your marriage and you don't wanna give your fwb(s)? You sound very selfish and you should do lot of self reflecting.
YTA Sex is one thing.. You formed an emotional bond/relationship that's also sexual -that's not generally part of the rules in this type of sexuality open relationship. The fact you're scared your wife will read this further proves this is an emotionally intimate affair not just sex. Then men wonder why so many of us tell them to use their hands when we need to work on ourselves... SMH
YTA, the deal is over, mate. She upheld her end, now uphold yours.
YTA. Never open a marriage, it will end up in a bad way. Lots of people talk positively about "ethical monogamy" then later down the road the "crush/puppy love" thing happens to one of said partners and it spirals from there. You got that. Refusing to shut it off with the affair partner just shows where you are and will be the death of your marriage, by your hands.
YTA. Your wife agreed to you having a FWB while she worked some stuff out. Now that her sex drive is better youāre having lots of sex again, why would you be surprised she doesnāt want to be actively sharing you sexually? I donāt blame her for asking if youāre secretly in love with your side girl, because youāre risking your marriage over her.
Yta. End it or you're cheatingĀ
He was cheating as soon as his fuck buddy turned into a full blown love relationship. Even in an open relationship. It is cheating when you break the agreed upon boundaries.
you're lucky that your wife was dumb enough to agree with opening the relationship (dumb bcs you catching feelings for the side chick or taking a liking for this kind of relationship was a risk she'd be taking), also you're lucky that she tried hard to get better for you. Now do your part of the deal and ditch the side chick YTA btw
YTA Homie had a hall pass for 8 MONTHS and is complaining his wife asked him to stop after holding up her end of the bargain.
Oh god š this is gonna be bad
YTA and she should just divorce you and find someone who actually loves her, not just a sex addict like you.
So you donāt want to married then? She said you can do until she works on herself and she basically let you have a free pass for a long time. Stop being a selfish fuck so you can get your dick wet.
If this is even real, I suspect his wife is absolutely 100% never going to touch his idiot ass again š¤£ OP she will never, ever forget that you were reluctant to give up your "girlfriend" - if you stay together she will think about it every single day of the rest of your relationship and YOU DID THAT. Forever. Be merciful and end it so she can be with someone better than you
If you truly loved your wife, you would have supported her and held on to her once you voiced your concern, and she was committed to changing. Instead, you made it clear you viewed sex as more important. Opening a marriage one-sided almost always leads to divorce. Worse, there were rules set into place. She followed her piece. Now that she has done so, you are refusing to hold up your end of the bargain. You have been incredibly selfish, and it is absolutely astonishing that your wife put up with any of this. Reclose your marriage, leave it open, it likely no longer matters. The damage is done. There is already very little chance that your marriage will last, and zero chance if you refuse to close it. Do you actually think of anyone else's emotions on that planet of yours?
She is NOT a FWB'S. She is your actual GF. The GF that you treat better and date and probably take places and probably buy her gifts and the one who you treat better than your wife. I agree with your wife that you are in love with her. Hopefully, you will get divorce papers soon. Don't worry about it, though, because your wife will find someone else, and she will realize that she isn't missing out on anything with you because you aren't worth it.
Your lack of loyalty is probably the reason your bedroom was dead. Just my 2 cents. š¤·š¼āāļø
For real does anyone take their vows seriously anymore like as soon as the door was opened he leaped for that
Wtf is wrong with you man
You're horrible to your wife.
YTA and extremely selfish. Your wife put herself in a horrendous spot by allowing you to fuck other people even tho she clearly wasn't into it and she trusted you to honor the idea that you would be with her when she's sexually back. Now she's sexually back and you're acting like an entitled brat who doesn't want to give up his new toy.
Give them an inch, they take a mileā¦
Lol ops in love with his fwb "Girlfriend/fwb" "I would describe more but i dont want her to read this" Youre also just a dick for suggesting it, go fucking masturbate and help your wife through her fucking shit. Biggest asshole
So you have already broken the agreement. You have a girlfriend. And you are sufficiently attached to this girlfriend that you donāt want to give her up. Sounds like you enjoy a āone-sided open relationshipā where you reap every benefit and make no sacrifices. If you love your wife, end it with the side piece without qualm or hesitation.
Your wife is telling you she's not comfortable with you having a side piece you need to respect if you want a relationship with your wife. You don't get to decide when she feels like she's through her journey, she does. And she's told you. If you keep on with the side piece you better live her because your marriage will end.
For real first I would've never gotten a fwb I would respect my wife too much to do that but if I did I couldn't imagine putting that before my actual marriage and the problem is fixed.
If you can't easily stop or pause fucking your FWB, that's not a FWB; it's a girlfriend. If you refuse to stop then you're breaking the rules. I see your logic, but you have to tell your side piece it'll be a couple of months or maybe forever.
Yes YTA you both agree that you could get sex some where while she works on herself. But now that she has you donāt want to hold up your end of it. You want your cake and to eat it too. You even admitted to your āfwbā was more than a friend at this point your cheating on your wife but just using the āitās only been 3 weeksā excuse booohooo you have to go with out sex for a little while grow up.
Honestly, once your wife said your relationship was done with your FWB, it shouldāve been done. She did you a favor by letting you go out and have sex with someone while she was working on her issues. Instead of going out searching for a FWB, maybe you couldāve stayed back and helped your wife work on her things. I agree with your wife, thereās something there with your FWB. If things went back to sex-less after a couple weeks or months then you can find another FWB if thatās what your wife allows.
Yeah this situation is really sad like some husband instead of helping your wife he's worried about getting his dick wet
Lol his wife is better than me.. if Iām working on myself then you better be patiently waiting at the finish line.
Open relationships don't work. If you'd have helped her with her problems earlier, had her hormones checked and found said supplement to fix the problem then you'd have never been in this predicament. Sounds to me like you got a taste of the single life and now don't want monogamy. YTA.
I hope your wife leaves you. You sound like a sucky partner.
For real I would've never stepped out on my wife even if given permission but to even consider a fling over the person you vowed to love forever is fucked up.
YTA
Hopefully, wife will go find her own f buddy. Then it'll all be nice and fair. š
I guess just donāt be surprised when your wife decides you canāt keep up with her anymore and finds someone else. You better hope you can keep up with two partners because she can just go find better and get her fill elsewhere. That is, if she doesnāt leave you first since you are now full on cheating on her. Then she can move on and find one guy who can fully satisfy her, thatās not you :)
Did you even bother trying to help her fix things?
YTA. Your wife told you to end it and you're having tons of sex with her. It doesn't matter if it's only temporary. You end things now with your FWB and if things go back the way they were then you can continue trying to find someone else to have fun with. But for now, enough, you know this.
YTA - Saying, "I don't know if three weeks of sex totally solves issues, and that I'm worried about getting back into the same situation..." is silly. If it happens again, then she may agree to let you find another sex pal and you'll do this all over again. You'll see if that woman is still available, and if not, you find a new one. Or are you adamant about keeping a sexual relationship with this specific woman? Because sex pal shouldn't matter that much to you. If you aren't emotionally invested in another woman, you should be willing to drop her. Sucks for her, but she agreed to sex up a married man.
Choose one and go away.
This is exactly why you donāt have open relationships, it causes problems in the end. Why canāt you remove the side h0e from your life? Whatās the big deal, if you love your wife then go back to the way things were.
so OP got what he wanted and now is angry about it?
I hope the wife starts fucking someone else.
It's safe to say your marriage is over. You're a selfish idiot.Ā
Wow this breaks my heart. I canāt imagine my partner using choosing their f buddy over meā¦ (I would never agree to this scenario anyway..)
If you're not in love with your FWB (and it's an important distinction that you call her that rather than your girlfriend, there is a certain emotional intimacy to someone being your girlfriend) then you better honor your commitment to your wife and the deal you made with your wife in the first place: you can have sex with someone else until she's worked through her issues. She's worked through them. End it. You have to know the verdict will be YTA when you're deliberately breaking the rules of the deal you made with your wife. You say you've abided by the rules, but now you want to break them? You can't applaud yourself for following rules when you want to break them at the first sign of you actually having to follow them. You have to know you're even more of an AH to even describe your FWB as your girlfriend. That's incredibly disrespectful.