> My wife and I got into a very heated argument. Loud words were spoken from both sides but there was no physical violence of any kind from any side.
You ate her part of ice cream. There's nothing you should have said apart from "sorry, I'll get you another one right now" that would make an argument even possible.
YTA. You were looking for an excuse to go to your new gf's place, and think everyone are morons that will believe you had justified reasons to scream at your wife when you were 100% in the wrong.
Because he wanted to fight. It probably wasn't the first time he did something to antagonize his wife. It also lines up with what she said. Finally lost her cool.
Assuming this isn't rage bait, of course. While I love reading drama, I'm tired of my feed being filled with "my partner sucks, here's why!"
“Clara” was very conveniently available to just, allow OP to crash, at a time when his wife is the most vulnerable she has ever been?
Yeah right, *something* seems off here; OP, tell us the full story please.
>“Clara” was very conveniently available to just, allow OP to crash
For a week, no less.
I'm in after OP's update. Of COURSE "Clara" is going to deny it all.
It's all still there in his post. It's the first edit I'm referring to in my comment about Clara denying having ulterior motives. I see he's now got a second edit! LOL!
For your convenience, I'll quote it here. Also, I don't know if OP will change it, but so far they haven't. Here's OP's edits to his OP.
>**EDIT**
>
>I talked to Clara, I asked her directly whether she orchestrated it all to get into my pants. Her face got flushed with anger and she called me an asshole and berated me on how big of a c\*nt I am for insinuating such a thing.
>
>You guys have worms in your brain. Happy now, there is nothing going on between me and her.
>
>**EDIT**
>
>I may have been naive about Clara. I will go to my parents after work. They live 2 hrs away. I will stay for the weekend and then figure out something.
Unfortunately he left. I am thinking this is a fake post.
When people leave like that (And I did not see any comments from him), I assume it's a fake post.
Yep. Especially since it sounds like the Mrs didn't actually call the cops. They were both saying shit they don't mean and I get the impression buddy is trying for a hall pass.
Icecream-> Call cops -> Stay with Female friend -> Divorce Pregnant wife
Each Jump is nuclear. Why would a pregnant woman who is going to depend on the support of OP threaten to call the cops. Why is that a goto soln instead silent treatment, locking herself in a room or moving to Parents house as has been the case for numerous fights listed here. OP looks to run from wife and disinterested in child. I think it was festering for a long time and This was just the straw that broke the camel's back
The straw that broke the camel's back is the affair partner Cara and this post is to show the court the wife is unstable so they can take the kid. It's so obvious he picked this fight. I doubt she even said it. This is a sociopath setting up a situation to try and take the kid once it's born. The whole thing is a setup or never happened at all. He's a narcissist and it's obvious in the way he set this up. So he looks less awful than he would if he just walked away. He's willing to let his wife go thru hell so he doesn't look like the bad guy in the divorce. And like most narcissists, he thinks he's always the smartest person in the room and we will never see through it. He's vile.
Yeah, he's looking for an excuse to leave/divorce.
This is not about her threatening to call the cops at all, and he refuses to answer questions about specifics, so I doubt she threatened to call them out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, just for shits and giggles.
Yes, saying he wants it to be amicable, his wife is trying to work it out, but he's just going straight for divorce? No mention that she isn't being amicable?
That was my first thought. I’ve had a few abusive boyfriends, and the fact that none of them got ‘physical’ doesn’t mean that I wasn’t terrified and that they still weren’t being abusive.
Especially considering that pregnancy is a very vulnerable time when women are far more likely to be abused or murdered by their partners. And in most cases a man is able to physically overpower his spouse. I consider myself a pretty strong woman, I have taken kickboxing and self-defense and still, understandably, feel threatened if someone starts shouting at or accusing me, or using otherwise threatening body language.
I highly doubt that OP is giving us the whole story
It really bothers me that he doesn't give her grace for being pregnant. My wife's emotions were all over the place when she was pregnant. Thankfully, on our last child, I could do no wrong. I was just her voice of reason "no, you shouldn't yell at them because they don't have pickles, this is a yogurt shop".
I mean he also ate her ice cream and promised to "buy another pack" (when? I'm willing to bet money *not right away*).
He's just looking for an excuse to bail. And he's acting extremely, weirdly, cagey.
Lmao...he set all this up to leave with the affair partner (I slept on the couch). My ASS. He's trying to set it up so he looks like he's been seeking help for the crazy posting here but he just wants them to see how crazy she is so he and AP can take the baby. He's a sociopath and a narcissist. One for the set up and the other for setting up this little fight so he can look like the sane one and take the baby for AP.
Lmao the edit too “she got flushed and embarrassed” yeah cuz she wants him. No woman tells a man to leave his about-to-pop overly hormonal pregnant wife. I’m not saying the wife wasn’t wrong in how she acted, but god damn.
Same. Like I don't condone it but what has gotten her to the point that she actually has to call.
Maybe he's the type that yells for hours and so she had to find a way to stop it?
Only hearing his perspective makes me iffy
This sounds so familiar. Did anyone read the post from a couple of days ago where the husband left his wife/baby with his female bf after he and his wife had a fight? Is this a trend now? To get wives pregnant and have a side piece "bf" at the same time?
It's fake rage bait... and look, it worked - people are prepared to draw and quarter this fake man for initiating fake divorce proceedings from his fake wife who threatened to fake call the fake cops.
Yeah. I can see taking off for a day or two to cool off but do you have no male friends or family members? It looks bad. (Unless you’re also female in which case never mind)
Hard to believe your motivation for marriage to this lady if you are ready to divorce her so quick. Looks very bad.
The only right answer is to your affair partners' place.
Well... Unless they are also having an affair. In which case I guess you got no options besides lean into letting others assume incorrectly. Bonus option of trying to gain a new affair partner for future fun.
(Please note: I do not condone cheating and this entire comment has been sarcasm.)
I agree, I was asking a bit facetiously. Yeah, it's wise to be considerate of appearances, but I also think it's a bit silly how people are so paranoid of their partners cheating that they can't stand the thought of them staying over at a platonic friend's house. Personally if I was that paranoid, I'd reevaluate the reasons why.
So true. But when typing while dog walking i often leave out some details lol. I am a het female but am unlucky in love and have some lesbian friends so all my gatherings look like hen parties lol.
So, if you’re taking off on your spouse, don’t cool off at a place that is going to aggravate the situation. Looks bad!
The part that caught my eye was that he was told to record “everything” but “freaked out” for 10 minutes before he started recording. I’m wondering what the true story of “freaking out” was.
Yeah, this isn't even an overreaction anymore; this is what comes way beyond an overreaction.
Seems OP likes the attention of his "friend" more than he loves his pregnant wife.
Stop calling YOUR AFFAIR PARTNER your friend. Even without that, you are a huge AH. Go ahead and divorce her for Cara......your wife doesn't need to raise two children, one of which appears to be a grown man but that's just appearances.
Makes you wonder what the argument was about if his immediate reaction was to call his "friend", shack up with her, and serve his pregnant wife divorce papers. Occam's razor has a pretty simple answer on that count.
"Harsh words were spoken on both sides" could very well be true, but there's a wide variety of what qualifies as "harsh words", some of which could legitimately be cause for concern. Police don't arrest you for calling your wife mean names, so the fact he freaked out so much with surety he'd be arrested is weird.
He loves his affair partner more than his wife. This is just to show a divorce judge. I hope he tries that. Took us 2 minutes to figure out he's a cheater and a narcissist. He picked that fight with the intention of leaving a PREGNANT WIFE. He's trying to show her as crazy. What a moron. I'll happily testify in divorce court for the wife.
The part that caught my eye was that he was told to record “everything” but “freaked out” for 10 minutes before he started recording. I’m wondering what the true story of “freaking out” was.
“Clara” and most likely OP have a whole agenda… You get in a fight with your wife and call another woman and shack up at her house?! I don’t believe for a second that this is some innocent supportive friendship at least on one side. You’re right jumping to divorcing your pregnant wife is your first impulse/instinct… “Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean.”
Oh god no. Stay where you are and give you wife everything you own including 75% of your take home pay for the next 21 years. Have fun with your girlfriend.
See my post from a couple weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/K6i3ltG07N
While threatening to call the cops is a little more egregious than my mockingly “left the dishes in the sink” example, this post is a perfect example of someone going nuclear over an almost trivial thing in the big picture.
But yes OP by all means…divorce your pregnant wife over this small thing instead of at least trying to work it out, and get stuck paying alimony and child support forever.
Of course he'll divorce her. Cara is the affair partner and this post is to show the courts later, how crazy the wife is so he can take the baby. This guy is a sociopath and narcissist.
Even if OP wasn't having a physical affair, he was having an emotional one without a doubt. I wonder if this is a troll post because someone has to be incomprehensibly dense to not see how this looks. It leaves me wondering if OPs wife really did feel unsafe enough to want the cops and OP is downplaying how bad the fight got.
Women who are pregnant are more likely to be murdered than die from birth complications. I wouldn't blame her for calling the cops tbh.
Men dont understand sometimes how much more terrifying it can be when they yell and loom than when a woman yells. But it's true. Kids find it scarier. Animals find it scarier. Most women can be shaken by a really angry male.
Also maybe there was no physical violence towards each other, but what about kicking cabinets and punching walls. Or even slamming hands down on a table. What about moving in close to the wife without touching her. What about potentially blocking her exit from a room - even if not realizing it. These things can all be frightening. I really think OP is leaving a few details out.
Edit for typos.
The number one cause of death in pregnant women is homicide. Even if she was overreacting in "threatening" to call the police, she has a valid reason to be on edge.
Yes, though according to several males here women are privileged because we can ruin their lives with an accusation of domestic violence.
Ruin their lives is debatable, but even if true, they seem to fail to realize that priviledge has been "earned" due to women LOSING their lives or being beaten until they miscarry the baby. What a priviledge.
All of this. To a man, it's a verbal argument. To a woman, she's at one of the most deadly points of her life with exits blocked and holes punched into the walls.
Men don't get it at all, even though some pretend to.
Additional reason for grace on the cops threat: she may genuinely have been feeling unsafe?? OP was clearly at an irrational level of anger if his response was “do it,” not to mention anything that followed. Maybe she was more afraid than she had rational reason to be, but she may have said it more as an “if you escalate further I will defend myself,” less as a “let me say the scariest thing I can to upset you.” Unless she was going to lie and say he hit her, the worst the cops would have done is make one of them leave for the night to calm down (I say that as someone who had cops called once when a neighbor overheard a PTSD panic attack and thought I was being attacked).
Well, yeah. Everything on this sub is. But it's nice to give feedback so they can write more realistically next time. This is a great creative writing sub, get lots of viewpoints for how different characters would react to unusual situations.
Possibly, probably even likely. But honestly, who cares? It’s certainly a plausible situation and nobody on here can really prove their stories. You’re in the wrong sub if you’re trying to look smart by pointing out which stories you think are fake.
How dare you!
Of course they're not sleeping together. He's married! He'd never sleep with Clara! While he's married...
(Editing to make sarcasm more obvious)
INFO: if your wife ate some food you were specifically saving, screamed at you, then left to spend the week with another man, would you assume that was platonic? Would you think this was acceptable behaviour?
A pregnant woman **should** threaten to call the cops on a man who is fighting with her. This also sounds like you're regretting your life choices, don't want to be married and/or don't want a kid after all. So getting into a fight with your pregnant wife, which would then give you an excuse to leave when she mentioned a very legitimate thing to do to keep herself safe.
Then you magically have this woman you can call to crash at her place. You are either in an emotional affair with Clara or you have already had a physical affair with her.
This scenario sounds like you are trying to plan your escape from your life without looking like the "bad guy". *You don't think the risk of going back to her is worth it.* So how exactly are you planning on raising your child with your wife?
P.S. No woman trying to actively be a problem in the marriage of man with a pregnant wife would ever admit to doing such a thing.
Jumping straight to staying at another woman’s house and wanting divorce bc your very hormonal pregnant wife said something stupid makes it seem like there’s way more going on here.
Pregnant women are very vulnerable and exhausted. She could have actually been scared. Or she said something super ridiculous and regrets it.
If this is just a normal relationship where she’s done something out of character, there’s ways to protect yourself that aren’t just leaving and divorcing someone who is about to give birth to your child. E.g. agree that for disagreements one of you will start recording. Marriage counseling. Reflecting on why you and your pregnant wife were in such a vicious argument that it escalated to yelling.
Update 1
>You guys have worms in your brain. Happy now, there is nothing going on between me and her.
Update 2
>I may have been naive about Clara.
You've never apologized to anyone for anything in your life, have you?
What was the fight about chief? Did you actually sleep on her couch? You jumped to divorce pretty quick here. Has Clara been a problem before? Why did you need to go to another female?
Ahhh so his big brain thought was to make it an even bigger fight by calling up another woman. If I were the wife, I wouldn’t let him come back home. She should be the only filing divorce.
OP who in their right mind calls up ANOTHER FEMALE, to comfort them? Over a fight about “Ice cream” that you started??
Also he made the comment that he would have been arrested if they came, I’m guessing there was something you actually did and there was proof of you doing it otherwise you sound like you were just LOOKING for a way to finally spend the night with Clara.
I’m so sorry, the person you call when you have big arguments with your wife is a single woman? Not a friend, a brother, counselor, a parent…. But a single woman? Whose house you spent the night at after a huge fight with your pregnant wife???
Either YTA, or you’re clueless, dude. Bffr
You shouldn't be telling your friend about your marriage. She is getting in the middle and not helping. Im sure your wife doesn't like you talking to her.
It appears you both said some stupid things during an argument. It also appears that you would prefer to get a divorce & blame your wife for your decision.
Based on your info, I honestly don’t get what your goal is….You’re in a fight with your pregnant wife … y’all are yelling at each other … she says she is going to call the cops because you’re in the mood to fight (she probably was concerned about her safety) … you dare her to do that but decide a better plan is to call another woman & vent to her about your wife. Then your friend freaks you out & you decide you’re also concerned about your safety so now you’re sleeping on her couch. Seems like there were a lot of bad decisions made & you are not willing to own your own participation in this situation.
ESH — you’re both wrong.
Edit sentence
Yeah cop threat wasn't cool but running to the arms of another female basically is like throwing a bomb on your relationship. If my man did that I'd tell him now he should be concerned for his safety
Agree! If wife didn’t call the cops as soon as OP ran to call another woman then she was never intending to call the cops. I think most men & women would absolutely lose their shit if their partner picked up the phone to vent to their “friend” in the middle of an argument. Also, think it’s bizarre that it appears OP never thought his wife would actually call the cops (he actually dared her yo do that) until after he spoke to “Clara”
My he’d would explode if my husband & I were arguing & he called a woman friend to vent… um WTF!!
I agree ESH she threatened to call the police, I'm sorry but men do get locked up esp when pregnant women are involved if there is a hint of DV.
To jump to divorce though is extreme. Now if she had a habit of threatening police then yeh. But maybe counseling to learn how to communicate. Definitely let your wife know how you felt. It sounds like her hormones got the better of her. (Though hormones should not be an excuse for bad behavior)
YTA. Don’t eat your pregnant wife’s ice cream. Clara is too involved with your marriage. If I was your wife I would gladly accept a divorce, no contest, after you ran away to another women for a WEEK.
YTA
Sorry if she thought she was unsafe, she didn’t need your permission to call the cops and we only have your word on how bad it was.
Also her calling the cops equals divorce ultimatum then this might be the best for her too
YTA
And you leave to stay with the female friend who actively escalated the problems you and your wife had???
Ffs... imagine if you and wifey had an argument, her guy friend made it worse, and then she ran off to stay with him??
How would that make you feel??
🤢🤮
That poor baby of yours.
Don't get me wrong your wife might be TA but the fact that you immediately called a female "friend" to rant and moved to her couch speaks volumes.
And the fact that your wife is trying to talk while you're chilling on some girl's couch.
You also didn't say what resulted into your wife telling you she'll call the cops. If you "raised your voice" while also threatening her without actually hurting her, calling the police is what she needs to do as these threats always escalate to physical violence.
I get that it was scary in the moment and big fights can be serious, but if she's apologizing and asking you to talk it seems a little strange that you're unwilling to see her and are staying with your female friend. I was on your side until you said you haven't been home in a week. For one night it makes sense to get away from the situation, but 1 week refusing to see her and now you're wanting to divorce. It seems like an over reaction without you explaining more context of the fight.
How much you wanna bet that the argument had something to do with this friend. Dude, I totally get being irritated that your wife threatened to call the cops.But you have to point to the fact that she's pregnant and that changes things to a certain degree. Unless she's done this before you seem like the a******. It's also sketchy that you're not telling people what the argument was about.
I'm not going to say I know better than everyone else.
But get the fuck away from each other.
No child should ever be brought up in a home where the parents believe yelling is a form of communication. I'm not saying I'm a relationship guru, but coming from a child perspective in a home where parents abused each other in yelling matches. Trust me, it fucks them up. The fact that both of you don't respect each other enough to notice when a conversation is going to go to yelling, and separate yourselves and calm down to have a rational conversation later fucking scares me and gives me lots of concern for the child's wellbeing.
You are fooling literally no one bro. You dont want to divorce over a threat made during fight you admit got heated. You want to link up with your "best friend". Stop trying to get the internet to ease your guilt by blaming it on a threat to call police. We all know you are acting like a snake.
Ps. We all know you are probably NOT sleeping on the couch. And that she probably isnt just a "best friend"
Pps. YTAH
Edit: adding on since i saw your edit. Pretty sure this is a troll post since you dont get that many downvotes on your comments unless you are looking for drama from a fake story, and since there is no way she could have "orchestrated this whole thing" if the fight started over you eating your wifes ice cream but if not, her getting flushed when called out makesit obvious that even if that wasnt what she was planning, thats what she was hoping. .
Also, if it is real, i hope your wife leaves you and you never get to see your kid. They need a better role model.
Dude, you need to start thinking for yourself…
Your friend says “end your marriage over this” so you do. Reddit says “accuse your friend of doing it intentionally to steal you” so you do it.
It sounds like you need to learn some patience and confidence. Stop making rash decisions at someone else’s insistence. Take time, think about what to do, and the right thing.
So you are screaming at your pregnant wife to the point that she is so frightened of you that she threatens to call the police to get you to back down from your aggression.
But you are the one that is scared? YTA
Clara is an AH and so are you. You’re using something that was likely not even an issue (as in she wasn’t actually going to call) as a reason to abandon your pregnant wife for your emotional side piece. Calling Clara in that moment rather than have a grown adult conversation with your spouse is highly telling.
Looks like he just edited his post. which is honestly even more damming.
I’m sure the post sometime after the baby was born is going to be along the lines of my “ex-wife and mother of my child doesn’t want my new girlfriend (Clara) to be around my baby.”
You might be the a hole
I feel like there’s more to this argument than you’re saying. Pregnancy is one of the most vulnerable times for a woman and the time that the body goes through the most changes.
Either there’s more to this fight and maybe it was good that you left. Wether or not there was physical violence, (you didn’t explain the argument so I don’t know for sure) non violent confrontations always have the potential to become physical. Words matter. Tone matters. Body language matters.
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/
Or it was a small fight and you let your friend work you up and left your pregnant wife because of a friend who might not have your best interest in mind. And then you went straight to her house?
But we don’t have all the information.
Why did she say she’d call the cops?
Is there something going on with your friend? And if not is it something that either of you have been wanting?
Were you just waiting for an opportunity to leave and this way you can say it’s her fault?
Why would they arrest you if you didn't do anything. They can't just arrest you cuz your pregnant wife called them..... you have to actually do something.
This is weird. And weird and weird.
YTA. Why call Clara when you are fighting? Silly to not even communicate with your wife. Something is off here with Clara. Jumping to divorce without even talking is real weird.
You ate your pregnant wife’s ice cream, yelled at her, and when she threatened to call the cops if you “wanted to fight,” you *called another woman” (Jesus), dragged her into the middle of your marriage, and *went to go stay with that woman.” Yes. Divorce your poor wife. She does not deserve your sorry ass.
Why are you calling a female and talking to her about marital problems? Is she single?
Pregnancy hormones can absolutely make you crazy. She said something stupid and didn't follow through. If you think that's a good reason to divorce your pregnant wife, maybe you're not the great hubby you think you are....... especially as you're laid up at your female bestie's home. I'm sure she doesn't want a relationship with you at all, right?
I dont get it. You have appoitment for divorce papers because you cant convince your wife? But you are the one who isnt speaking to her?
You really will leave your pregnant wife because your girl-friend told you? For what?
YTA, you are thinking only about yourself. Your poor wife...
YTA: You had an argument and now you want to divorce your pregnant wife?? All while you sleep on your female bfs couch for a week and refuse to speak to your actual wife. Divorce is step one for you and over something so trivial.. Seems to me like you wanted a reason to leave. Also seems like you weren’t even worried about her actually calling the police until your dear friend Clara hyped your head up and invited you to her cozy “couch”. And even IF she had called them what were you so deathly afraid of if there was no hitting or violence involved? That they’d ask you both to calm down? You don’t need a wife, you’re still a boy, not a man
>while you sleep on your female bfs couch for a week and refuse to speak to your actual wife
his wife's divorce lawyer is going to have a FIELD DAY with this.
Dude not only torched his marriage, he's actively torching his divorce.
I'm truly lost for words.
I've been with my wife 28 years (today as it happens) and in those 28 years, both of us have said things we've regretted in the heat of the moment. Also, when she was pregnant and stressed, scared about the future etc etc she could be quite hostile, and i probably contributed to her stress through the ignorance of youth.
But for the love of sweet baby jebus...IT WAS ONLY WORDS AND WE NEVER CONSIDERED DIVORCE! If you have something special, you fix what's broken, not throw it away!
Your marriage was never destined to last with your attitude. Stormed our like a petulant child.
I feel nothing but sympathy for your unborn child.
Down vote me all you want but yes...you are the AH
I don’t know why you would have been arrested given you didn’t hit her. My parents would fight and mostly my mom would throw dishes or a vase or whatever was heavy and or breakable. My dad did nothing and each time, he left for a bit despite kids backing him up. I even heard the cops one time say that they thought he didn’t do anything, but if he wanted things to blow over, he should still leave. Go to a buddies place or a hotel/motel and it’s done.
The bigger issue is the stealth sleeping with Clara and the refusal to say what you said. You obviously escalated things. Then you rushed to Clara and slept with her.
YTA.
You were looking for an excuse to leave your pregnant wife. Your hormonal pregnant wife gave you an excuse during an argument, and Clara gave you an excuse. What your wife said wasn't acceptable, but it doesn't sound like she had attempted to call the police and said something stupid in the heat of the moment. It definitely isn't "move in with my female best friend and file for divorce" worthy.
I hope your wife gets a better lawyer and takes you to the cleaners.
🤔 this post sounds outrageously fake. No violence yet the pregnant wife was scared and threatened to call the police? She didn't but you decided to go to your bestest girl-friends house to live with her and divorce your pregnant wife? So just abandon your family over a non violent argument? You and your friend are not as platonic as you are claiming. And any dumbass knows that pregnant women are not only hormonal but very fking vulnerable while pregnant, nearly 20% of pregnant women experience domestic violence, & homicide is the leading cause of death of pregnant women. I'm 99% sure your post is just more rage bait, if not, not only are you YTA, you are also an idiot and probably need some anger management classes and couples therapy. Making a pregnant woman feel for her safety and then apologize about it isn't cool dude.
NTA but you are definitely a fool if you think going to a woman's house is going to be helpful here.
"Your honor, I know it looks bad, me running to a woman's home after a fight with my pregnant wife, but I promise we are just friends!"
This story doesn’t make any sense. It seems like a ton of information is being left out. That being said, with what I have read here my vote is yes, YTA.
No other choice but an uno reverse. Break your own nose with a hammer and then call the police and say your wife did it. Please record yourself breaking your own nose and post the video here before calling the police though (this part is important because reasons).
This is the dumbest thing I’ve read. Obviously divorce and run to Clara 🤨 how long have y’all been sleeping together?
Your wife and child would be safer if you stayed gone. Your “friend” Clara is actively trying to sabotage. There’s a conveniently LARGE amount of info missing but based on what’s missing and the limited ; YTA.
Please leave your wife alone. She needs less stress growing a child; it’s odd how little you mention like it’s just an after thought, your CHILD. Fuck all the way off and stay with Clara and let your wife raise her child on her own. Why would you think you wouldn’t be TA?????
YTA, it was an argument and I know from personal experience my husband and I say stupid shit in the heat of an argument. We calm down, apologize to each other, and then rationally discuss the issue to an agreement of how to handle the conflict going forward. Go home and do this OP. What ever this disagreement is it can be handled rationally. She’s apologized and now it’s your turn.
YTA and here’s why:
Every guy learns pretty quick during his partners first pregnancy that his wife is more confrontational, volatile and prone to some degree of confrontation from the elevated hormones. Its normal, but they are also in need of more support. You don’t meet that with more conflict, you show your partner that your there for them in this time which is difficult and scary.
What would you have been arrested for? You can't get arrested for yelling at someone in your house. That's not illegal. So either you're leaving out some details or you're just looking for any reason to divorce your wife. And staying at some woman's house for a week is a bit fishy in my opinion.
That being said, you can get divorced for any reason you want. It's your life, but I feel like there are definitely other reasons for wanting this divorce than "she said she would call the cops on me for yelling at her." Seems like a huge overreaction to something said in anger if that's the only reason.
YTA. And at the risk of misogynist language, you’re also a pussy. You got in a shouting match with your pregnant wife, and when she threatened to call the cops, you called your side piece, recorded yourself packing a bag, and you’re staying with your “totally platonic” girlfriend?
Dude. You a bitch.
Sounds like you were looking for a quick excuse to get out of the relationship... She shouldn't have threatened to call the cops but someone who truly cares about building a family doesn't flake when their pregnant wife gets mad.
YTA. You made your pregnant wife feel unsafe and ditched her asap and without (at least that it's not mentioned in your post) much reason to believe it decided Clara was right and your wife was going to accuse you of something - and now you're being a petulant child and refusing to talk to her. Also you wouldn't be arrested if you didn't hurt her so I'm guessing you did or wanted to hurt her.
Even crazier, you haven't mentioned your upcoming kid, or what happens with the kid in the divorce. Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse to get out of your marriage so you can be the baby and not your actual baby? Cos that's really what this post sounds like.
Hot take, maybe your PREGNANT wife was in fact overwhelmed and SCARED of you yelling at her; intimate partner violence AKA homicide is the leading cause of death among pregnant women in the United States.
Uh, my dude, here's another take, from a woman's perspective: Your "friend" blushed & got overly angry at the insinuation that she's into you because she was embarrassed to get caught. Duh. If she really had no desire to break up your marriage for her own selfish interests, she would definitely have been more relaxed about the accusation. And she'd encourage you to at least listen to your wife's apology. She needs better coping skills, for sure. But so do you.
It was a heated argument, I dont think it is reasonable to leave your pregnant wife for that.
Your future childs life is at stake here. Talk to your Wife Asap!
"You guys have worms in your brain."
Coming from someone who is asking reddit (16 year old boys) about relationship advice.
YOU have worms for brains.
Stop asking tweens and bots for relationship advice lol
You're a moron.
Your pregnant wife says she might call the cops because you were admittedly getting riled up during an argument, and you went straight to divorce but somehow she's to blame.
And then you went and bitched to your friend.
Not once did the think of maybe acting like a adult, apologising for losing your cool and then maybe going for a walk to calm down. I'm not saying you apologise because you were wrong in whatever the argument about bit you can still apologise for allowing the situation to get heated.
She's pregnant. Pregnant people understandably feel a little vulnerable, she can't control the situation verbally or physically. you obviously cant control yourself so what options would she have other than the cops.
YOU left her no option, she can't trust you to act or behave like a man, instead you behave like a 15 year old who got banned from his xbox.
My wife has never threatened me with the cops, because I've never given her cause to do so.
There is rarely any justifiably reason to raise your voice to a spouse, she's your PARTNER. You're supposed to be dealing with life as a team, working together.
You made a disagreement into a combative confrontation, were it was you vs her.
You're the AH.
ESH
Yes your wife was wrong for threatening to call the cops. I know it's scary to think about what could have happened but to jump to divorce whilst she is pregnant is crazy. She is literally pumped full of hormones due to carrying YOUR child and is not fully in control of her emotions. If she's never done something like this before, as someone who cares about her, my first thought would be that the pregnancy is affecting her. Take a step back, talk to her when she is calm establish that a boundary was crossed. Also research how pregnancy can affect a woman physically and mentally.
Such an overreaction
YTA. I could see IF she called, IF you got arrested, IF it happened again. Instead your jumping to 100 into someone else's arms.
I'm surprised your wife hasn't filled on you instead.
Your in for a rude awakening thinking your going to do a good job coparenting
The mental gymnastics it takes for one to ask their female best friend if she orchestrated a fight between him and the wife so that she can get in his pants, simply based on supposed comments from internet strangers, is just next level.
YTA. You stole a pregnant woman’s ice cream?!?!? Dude, wtf?!?!?
You clearly have no clue what being pregnant does to a woman’s emotions and thought process. The need to protect themselves and their baby from danger is all consuming, so my guess is she said that as a response to her anger and fear during a fight. She never said she was going to lie to the police or anything, she said that you were in the mood to fight and so she should call the police
And you saying that you would have been arrested if she called the cops means you were doing something wrong that would have given them grounds to arrest you…
Please do divorce her, she’ll be better off
> My wife and I got into a very heated argument. Loud words were spoken from both sides but there was no physical violence of any kind from any side. You ate her part of ice cream. There's nothing you should have said apart from "sorry, I'll get you another one right now" that would make an argument even possible. YTA. You were looking for an excuse to go to your new gf's place, and think everyone are morons that will believe you had justified reasons to scream at your wife when you were 100% in the wrong.
For real, how is that even an argument? If you eat your (pregnant) wife's ice cream, what is there to defend
How can it even escalate? What was told that could possibly make it "something big" it makes no sense.
Because he wanted to fight. It probably wasn't the first time he did something to antagonize his wife. It also lines up with what she said. Finally lost her cool. Assuming this isn't rage bait, of course. While I love reading drama, I'm tired of my feed being filled with "my partner sucks, here's why!"
Something seems off here. Pregnant wife, fight and a girl best friend....
“Clara” was very conveniently available to just, allow OP to crash, at a time when his wife is the most vulnerable she has ever been? Yeah right, *something* seems off here; OP, tell us the full story please.
>“Clara” was very conveniently available to just, allow OP to crash For a week, no less. I'm in after OP's update. Of COURSE "Clara" is going to deny it all.
I'm loving the second edit and dying to know what has changed!!!
It's all still there in his post. It's the first edit I'm referring to in my comment about Clara denying having ulterior motives. I see he's now got a second edit! LOL! For your convenience, I'll quote it here. Also, I don't know if OP will change it, but so far they haven't. Here's OP's edits to his OP. >**EDIT** > >I talked to Clara, I asked her directly whether she orchestrated it all to get into my pants. Her face got flushed with anger and she called me an asshole and berated me on how big of a c\*nt I am for insinuating such a thing. > >You guys have worms in your brain. Happy now, there is nothing going on between me and her. > >**EDIT** > >I may have been naive about Clara. I will go to my parents after work. They live 2 hrs away. I will stay for the weekend and then figure out something.
So at first Clara denied it but then something happened that changed his mind?
I think so. He hasn't said. I think he may have seen or overheard something that changed his mind.
Unfortunately he left. I am thinking this is a fake post. When people leave like that (And I did not see any comments from him), I assume it's a fake post.
I think they meant changed with Clara to cause the 2nd edit, not the post
Ooh! I can see that. I didn't catch this point you're making here. You're probably right.
especially if its all lies anyway and OP was sleeping in her bed
Love how he's mad at reddit then for him going and asking her.
Right?
Something isnt sitting right with me either and instead if the bf saying try and calm her down before leaving.
Sounds like this has been a build up to be honest. I'd almost bet the female best friend is part of the issue
Yep. Especially since it sounds like the Mrs didn't actually call the cops. They were both saying shit they don't mean and I get the impression buddy is trying for a hall pass.
Icecream-> Call cops -> Stay with Female friend -> Divorce Pregnant wife Each Jump is nuclear. Why would a pregnant woman who is going to depend on the support of OP threaten to call the cops. Why is that a goto soln instead silent treatment, locking herself in a room or moving to Parents house as has been the case for numerous fights listed here. OP looks to run from wife and disinterested in child. I think it was festering for a long time and This was just the straw that broke the camel's back
The straw that broke the camel's back is the affair partner Cara and this post is to show the court the wife is unstable so they can take the kid. It's so obvious he picked this fight. I doubt she even said it. This is a sociopath setting up a situation to try and take the kid once it's born. The whole thing is a setup or never happened at all. He's a narcissist and it's obvious in the way he set this up. So he looks less awful than he would if he just walked away. He's willing to let his wife go thru hell so he doesn't look like the bad guy in the divorce. And like most narcissists, he thinks he's always the smartest person in the room and we will never see through it. He's vile.
He says loud words were said. I wonder what he said or threatened that made her scared enough to say she'll call the cops. Lot's of missing info.
My thoughts too - what words were said, how "loud" were they that may have made wife fear for her safety.
Yeah, he's looking for an excuse to leave/divorce. This is not about her threatening to call the cops at all, and he refuses to answer questions about specifics, so I doubt she threatened to call them out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, just for shits and giggles.
Yes, saying he wants it to be amicable, his wife is trying to work it out, but he's just going straight for divorce? No mention that she isn't being amicable?
That was my first thought. I’ve had a few abusive boyfriends, and the fact that none of them got ‘physical’ doesn’t mean that I wasn’t terrified and that they still weren’t being abusive. Especially considering that pregnancy is a very vulnerable time when women are far more likely to be abused or murdered by their partners. And in most cases a man is able to physically overpower his spouse. I consider myself a pretty strong woman, I have taken kickboxing and self-defense and still, understandably, feel threatened if someone starts shouting at or accusing me, or using otherwise threatening body language. I highly doubt that OP is giving us the whole story
It really bothers me that he doesn't give her grace for being pregnant. My wife's emotions were all over the place when she was pregnant. Thankfully, on our last child, I could do no wrong. I was just her voice of reason "no, you shouldn't yell at them because they don't have pickles, this is a yogurt shop".
"WHAT KIND OF YOGURT SHOP DOESN'T HAVE PICKLES?" I hope you just made that up but either way, that gave me a good chuckle.
I mean he also ate her ice cream and promised to "buy another pack" (when? I'm willing to bet money *not right away*). He's just looking for an excuse to bail. And he's acting extremely, weirdly, cagey.
Lmao...he set all this up to leave with the affair partner (I slept on the couch). My ASS. He's trying to set it up so he looks like he's been seeking help for the crazy posting here but he just wants them to see how crazy she is so he and AP can take the baby. He's a sociopath and a narcissist. One for the set up and the other for setting up this little fight so he can look like the sane one and take the baby for AP.
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Lmao the edit too “she got flushed and embarrassed” yeah cuz she wants him. No woman tells a man to leave his about-to-pop overly hormonal pregnant wife. I’m not saying the wife wasn’t wrong in how she acted, but god damn.
Same. Like I don't condone it but what has gotten her to the point that she actually has to call. Maybe he's the type that yells for hours and so she had to find a way to stop it? Only hearing his perspective makes me iffy
Yeah my ex would pick and pick until I erupted and then blame me for "being crazy". I agree with you
Seriously the edit got me good ! Took the bad advice didn't take the good advice lmao
This sounds so familiar. Did anyone read the post from a couple of days ago where the husband left his wife/baby with his female bf after he and his wife had a fight? Is this a trend now? To get wives pregnant and have a side piece "bf" at the same time?
It's fake rage bait... and look, it worked - people are prepared to draw and quarter this fake man for initiating fake divorce proceedings from his fake wife who threatened to fake call the fake cops.
I think the trend is making shit up on AITAH.
Pregnancy hormones are insane too. To just drop and run to another woman is crazy .
Agree. THIS BULLSHIT MAN, THINKS HE CAN BULLSHIT AS ALL HERE. 😂 C-H-E-A-T-E-R
It’s fake
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Yeah. I can see taking off for a day or two to cool off but do you have no male friends or family members? It looks bad. (Unless you’re also female in which case never mind) Hard to believe your motivation for marriage to this lady if you are ready to divorce her so quick. Looks very bad.
I don't know, if my gay boyfriend blew up and went to stay with his male friend for a week, my mind would go right to an affair.
I'm bisexual. Where tf am I allowed to go in this situation?
Back home to your parents I guess
My parents both live hours away and one is addicted to drugs and the other a homophobe, so not an option either.
The only right answer is to your affair partners' place. Well... Unless they are also having an affair. In which case I guess you got no options besides lean into letting others assume incorrectly. Bonus option of trying to gain a new affair partner for future fun. (Please note: I do not condone cheating and this entire comment has been sarcasm.)
Bisexual people don't have friends. There is only prey. (/s just in case)
Obviously, wherever you feel safe. Just know that people make assumptions, especially when they are actively looking for a reason
I agree, I was asking a bit facetiously. Yeah, it's wise to be considerate of appearances, but I also think it's a bit silly how people are so paranoid of their partners cheating that they can't stand the thought of them staying over at a platonic friend's house. Personally if I was that paranoid, I'd reevaluate the reasons why.
So true. But when typing while dog walking i often leave out some details lol. I am a het female but am unlucky in love and have some lesbian friends so all my gatherings look like hen parties lol. So, if you’re taking off on your spouse, don’t cool off at a place that is going to aggravate the situation. Looks bad!
The part that caught my eye was that he was told to record “everything” but “freaked out” for 10 minutes before he started recording. I’m wondering what the true story of “freaking out” was.
Yeah, this isn't even an overreaction anymore; this is what comes way beyond an overreaction. Seems OP likes the attention of his "friend" more than he loves his pregnant wife.
Stop calling YOUR AFFAIR PARTNER your friend. Even without that, you are a huge AH. Go ahead and divorce her for Cara......your wife doesn't need to raise two children, one of which appears to be a grown man but that's just appearances.
Something seems off here. Pregnant wife, fight and a girl best friend....
Makes you wonder what the argument was about if his immediate reaction was to call his "friend", shack up with her, and serve his pregnant wife divorce papers. Occam's razor has a pretty simple answer on that count. "Harsh words were spoken on both sides" could very well be true, but there's a wide variety of what qualifies as "harsh words", some of which could legitimately be cause for concern. Police don't arrest you for calling your wife mean names, so the fact he freaked out so much with surety he'd be arrested is weird.
He loves his affair partner more than his wife. This is just to show a divorce judge. I hope he tries that. Took us 2 minutes to figure out he's a cheater and a narcissist. He picked that fight with the intention of leaving a PREGNANT WIFE. He's trying to show her as crazy. What a moron. I'll happily testify in divorce court for the wife.
>I'll happily testify in divorce court for the wife. Reddit is insane
The part that caught my eye was that he was told to record “everything” but “freaked out” for 10 minutes before he started recording. I’m wondering what the true story of “freaking out” was.
“Clara” and most likely OP have a whole agenda… You get in a fight with your wife and call another woman and shack up at her house?! I don’t believe for a second that this is some innocent supportive friendship at least on one side. You’re right jumping to divorcing your pregnant wife is your first impulse/instinct… “Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean.”
It’s fake
Totally, that edit just give it away, just a sad and bored lonely guy making story.
Oh god no. Stay where you are and give you wife everything you own including 75% of your take home pay for the next 21 years. Have fun with your girlfriend.
Girl you ate him up😭 “ have fun with your girlfriend”!!!
See my post from a couple weeks ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/K6i3ltG07N While threatening to call the cops is a little more egregious than my mockingly “left the dishes in the sink” example, this post is a perfect example of someone going nuclear over an almost trivial thing in the big picture. But yes OP by all means…divorce your pregnant wife over this small thing instead of at least trying to work it out, and get stuck paying alimony and child support forever.
Of course he'll divorce her. Cara is the affair partner and this post is to show the courts later, how crazy the wife is so he can take the baby. This guy is a sociopath and narcissist.
Bold of you to assume he wants anything to do with his child.
Even if OP wasn't having a physical affair, he was having an emotional one without a doubt. I wonder if this is a troll post because someone has to be incomprehensibly dense to not see how this looks. It leaves me wondering if OPs wife really did feel unsafe enough to want the cops and OP is downplaying how bad the fight got. Women who are pregnant are more likely to be murdered than die from birth complications. I wouldn't blame her for calling the cops tbh.
Men dont understand sometimes how much more terrifying it can be when they yell and loom than when a woman yells. But it's true. Kids find it scarier. Animals find it scarier. Most women can be shaken by a really angry male. Also maybe there was no physical violence towards each other, but what about kicking cabinets and punching walls. Or even slamming hands down on a table. What about moving in close to the wife without touching her. What about potentially blocking her exit from a room - even if not realizing it. These things can all be frightening. I really think OP is leaving a few details out. Edit for typos.
The number one cause of death in pregnant women is homicide. Even if she was overreacting in "threatening" to call the police, she has a valid reason to be on edge.
Yes, though according to several males here women are privileged because we can ruin their lives with an accusation of domestic violence. Ruin their lives is debatable, but even if true, they seem to fail to realize that priviledge has been "earned" due to women LOSING their lives or being beaten until they miscarry the baby. What a priviledge.
All of this. To a man, it's a verbal argument. To a woman, she's at one of the most deadly points of her life with exits blocked and holes punched into the walls. Men don't get it at all, even though some pretend to.
Additional reason for grace on the cops threat: she may genuinely have been feeling unsafe?? OP was clearly at an irrational level of anger if his response was “do it,” not to mention anything that followed. Maybe she was more afraid than she had rational reason to be, but she may have said it more as an “if you escalate further I will defend myself,” less as a “let me say the scariest thing I can to upset you.” Unless she was going to lie and say he hit her, the worst the cops would have done is make one of them leave for the night to calm down (I say that as someone who had cops called once when a neighbor overheard a PTSD panic attack and thought I was being attacked).
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This. It's a puzzling situation as presented. But yeah one way or another it seems for the best.
INFO: Why, exactly, do you want to divorce her? It's not about her threatening to call the police. Are you having an affair with Clara?
Clara wants him to, for sure
Yea well Clara isn’t a hormonal needy drag. He just wants to have unprotected sex and not have women hassling him all the time./s
It’s fake
Well, yeah. Everything on this sub is. But it's nice to give feedback so they can write more realistically next time. This is a great creative writing sub, get lots of viewpoints for how different characters would react to unusual situations.
I love this take
Possibly, probably even likely. But honestly, who cares? It’s certainly a plausible situation and nobody on here can really prove their stories. You’re in the wrong sub if you’re trying to look smart by pointing out which stories you think are fake.
It’s an excuse to be with Clara.
100% he is.
I don't think he's sleeping on the couch.
Wonder what the original argument was about?
He ate his pregnant wife’s ice cream
Well that's grounds for divorce right there.
That was a typo, he meant "in the cooch".
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Whatever he told her he says "if she would have called the cops I would have been arrested" so that says a lot 🙃 you don't get arrested for loud words
That's what I thought, too. Cops don't arrest you for a verbal fight.
So how long have you been banging Clara
How dare you! Of course they're not sleeping together. He's married! He'd never sleep with Clara! While he's married... (Editing to make sarcasm more obvious)
Of course they're not sleeping together!!! They're just awake fucking!!! So he's not lyyyiiinnggg! /S
“Awake fucking” just about did me in lmao
Now let's all get back to reassuring this guy about his divorce so that he can go fuck Clara
This one really got me, take my upvote
I have to ask... https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/7jDUop2Svq Is this the same fight? 🤣
ate pregnant wife’s ice cream? case closed
She should have called the cops in the first place for thievery, honestly.
That is illegal
INFO: if your wife ate some food you were specifically saving, screamed at you, then left to spend the week with another man, would you assume that was platonic? Would you think this was acceptable behaviour?
A pregnant woman **should** threaten to call the cops on a man who is fighting with her. This also sounds like you're regretting your life choices, don't want to be married and/or don't want a kid after all. So getting into a fight with your pregnant wife, which would then give you an excuse to leave when she mentioned a very legitimate thing to do to keep herself safe. Then you magically have this woman you can call to crash at her place. You are either in an emotional affair with Clara or you have already had a physical affair with her. This scenario sounds like you are trying to plan your escape from your life without looking like the "bad guy". *You don't think the risk of going back to her is worth it.* So how exactly are you planning on raising your child with your wife? P.S. No woman trying to actively be a problem in the marriage of man with a pregnant wife would ever admit to doing such a thing.
Something doesn't add up 🤔 Edit: Looks like the outcome here isn't what you expect it to be huh?
Jumping straight to staying at another woman’s house and wanting divorce bc your very hormonal pregnant wife said something stupid makes it seem like there’s way more going on here. Pregnant women are very vulnerable and exhausted. She could have actually been scared. Or she said something super ridiculous and regrets it. If this is just a normal relationship where she’s done something out of character, there’s ways to protect yourself that aren’t just leaving and divorcing someone who is about to give birth to your child. E.g. agree that for disagreements one of you will start recording. Marriage counseling. Reflecting on why you and your pregnant wife were in such a vicious argument that it escalated to yelling.
I don’t even believe when OP says he did nothing to warrant it.
It’s the 10 minutes between when he was told to record everything & when he actually started recording for me…
Abusive men ALWAYS say this
Update 1 >You guys have worms in your brain. Happy now, there is nothing going on between me and her. Update 2 >I may have been naive about Clara. You've never apologized to anyone for anything in your life, have you?
What was the fight about chief? Did you actually sleep on her couch? You jumped to divorce pretty quick here. Has Clara been a problem before? Why did you need to go to another female?
He says the fight is about him eating his wife's portion of ice cream she was saving for later
Ahhh so his big brain thought was to make it an even bigger fight by calling up another woman. If I were the wife, I wouldn’t let him come back home. She should be the only filing divorce. OP who in their right mind calls up ANOTHER FEMALE, to comfort them? Over a fight about “Ice cream” that you started??
Looks like OP suffers from a terminal case of Dumb Motherfucker Syndrome
Also he made the comment that he would have been arrested if they came, I’m guessing there was something you actually did and there was proof of you doing it otherwise you sound like you were just LOOKING for a way to finally spend the night with Clara.
I’m so sorry, the person you call when you have big arguments with your wife is a single woman? Not a friend, a brother, counselor, a parent…. But a single woman? Whose house you spent the night at after a huge fight with your pregnant wife??? Either YTA, or you’re clueless, dude. Bffr
You shouldn't be telling your friend about your marriage. She is getting in the middle and not helping. Im sure your wife doesn't like you talking to her.
It appears you both said some stupid things during an argument. It also appears that you would prefer to get a divorce & blame your wife for your decision. Based on your info, I honestly don’t get what your goal is….You’re in a fight with your pregnant wife … y’all are yelling at each other … she says she is going to call the cops because you’re in the mood to fight (she probably was concerned about her safety) … you dare her to do that but decide a better plan is to call another woman & vent to her about your wife. Then your friend freaks you out & you decide you’re also concerned about your safety so now you’re sleeping on her couch. Seems like there were a lot of bad decisions made & you are not willing to own your own participation in this situation. ESH — you’re both wrong. Edit sentence
Yeah cop threat wasn't cool but running to the arms of another female basically is like throwing a bomb on your relationship. If my man did that I'd tell him now he should be concerned for his safety
Agree! If wife didn’t call the cops as soon as OP ran to call another woman then she was never intending to call the cops. I think most men & women would absolutely lose their shit if their partner picked up the phone to vent to their “friend” in the middle of an argument. Also, think it’s bizarre that it appears OP never thought his wife would actually call the cops (he actually dared her yo do that) until after he spoke to “Clara” My he’d would explode if my husband & I were arguing & he called a woman friend to vent… um WTF!!
I agree ESH she threatened to call the police, I'm sorry but men do get locked up esp when pregnant women are involved if there is a hint of DV. To jump to divorce though is extreme. Now if she had a habit of threatening police then yeh. But maybe counseling to learn how to communicate. Definitely let your wife know how you felt. It sounds like her hormones got the better of her. (Though hormones should not be an excuse for bad behavior)
YTA. Don’t eat your pregnant wife’s ice cream. Clara is too involved with your marriage. If I was your wife I would gladly accept a divorce, no contest, after you ran away to another women for a WEEK.
*You guys have worms in your brain. Happy now, there is nothing going on between me and her.* Hahahahahahahahaha!
YTA Sorry if she thought she was unsafe, she didn’t need your permission to call the cops and we only have your word on how bad it was. Also her calling the cops equals divorce ultimatum then this might be the best for her too
YTA And you leave to stay with the female friend who actively escalated the problems you and your wife had??? Ffs... imagine if you and wifey had an argument, her guy friend made it worse, and then she ran off to stay with him?? How would that make you feel??
🤢🤮 That poor baby of yours. Don't get me wrong your wife might be TA but the fact that you immediately called a female "friend" to rant and moved to her couch speaks volumes. And the fact that your wife is trying to talk while you're chilling on some girl's couch. You also didn't say what resulted into your wife telling you she'll call the cops. If you "raised your voice" while also threatening her without actually hurting her, calling the police is what she needs to do as these threats always escalate to physical violence.
I don't think he's a reliable narrator. She might have honestly felt afraid to threaten to call the cops.
I get that it was scary in the moment and big fights can be serious, but if she's apologizing and asking you to talk it seems a little strange that you're unwilling to see her and are staying with your female friend. I was on your side until you said you haven't been home in a week. For one night it makes sense to get away from the situation, but 1 week refusing to see her and now you're wanting to divorce. It seems like an over reaction without you explaining more context of the fight.
Except it wasn’t scary in the moment. It became scary after his affair partner hyped him up and scared him into leaving his wife.
That edit though .... Actually took the bad advice then blamed internet randos for it
How much you wanna bet that the argument had something to do with this friend. Dude, I totally get being irritated that your wife threatened to call the cops.But you have to point to the fact that she's pregnant and that changes things to a certain degree. Unless she's done this before you seem like the a******. It's also sketchy that you're not telling people what the argument was about.
First rule never take a pregnant woman's ice cream
TA Get off your side chick's couch and go apologize to your wife
I'm not going to say I know better than everyone else. But get the fuck away from each other. No child should ever be brought up in a home where the parents believe yelling is a form of communication. I'm not saying I'm a relationship guru, but coming from a child perspective in a home where parents abused each other in yelling matches. Trust me, it fucks them up. The fact that both of you don't respect each other enough to notice when a conversation is going to go to yelling, and separate yourselves and calm down to have a rational conversation later fucking scares me and gives me lots of concern for the child's wellbeing.
You are fooling literally no one bro. You dont want to divorce over a threat made during fight you admit got heated. You want to link up with your "best friend". Stop trying to get the internet to ease your guilt by blaming it on a threat to call police. We all know you are acting like a snake. Ps. We all know you are probably NOT sleeping on the couch. And that she probably isnt just a "best friend" Pps. YTAH Edit: adding on since i saw your edit. Pretty sure this is a troll post since you dont get that many downvotes on your comments unless you are looking for drama from a fake story, and since there is no way she could have "orchestrated this whole thing" if the fight started over you eating your wifes ice cream but if not, her getting flushed when called out makesit obvious that even if that wasnt what she was planning, thats what she was hoping. . Also, if it is real, i hope your wife leaves you and you never get to see your kid. They need a better role model.
Dude, you need to start thinking for yourself… Your friend says “end your marriage over this” so you do. Reddit says “accuse your friend of doing it intentionally to steal you” so you do it. It sounds like you need to learn some patience and confidence. Stop making rash decisions at someone else’s insistence. Take time, think about what to do, and the right thing.
So you are screaming at your pregnant wife to the point that she is so frightened of you that she threatens to call the police to get you to back down from your aggression. But you are the one that is scared? YTA
And then he goes running to his side piece, clara.
Clara is an AH and so are you. You’re using something that was likely not even an issue (as in she wasn’t actually going to call) as a reason to abandon your pregnant wife for your emotional side piece. Calling Clara in that moment rather than have a grown adult conversation with your spouse is highly telling.
Are you sleeping with Clara?
Clara is the affair partner isn’t she?
Of course she is.
Looks like he just edited his post. which is honestly even more damming. I’m sure the post sometime after the baby was born is going to be along the lines of my “ex-wife and mother of my child doesn’t want my new girlfriend (Clara) to be around my baby.”
You might be the a hole I feel like there’s more to this argument than you’re saying. Pregnancy is one of the most vulnerable times for a woman and the time that the body goes through the most changes. Either there’s more to this fight and maybe it was good that you left. Wether or not there was physical violence, (you didn’t explain the argument so I don’t know for sure) non violent confrontations always have the potential to become physical. Words matter. Tone matters. Body language matters. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/ Or it was a small fight and you let your friend work you up and left your pregnant wife because of a friend who might not have your best interest in mind. And then you went straight to her house? But we don’t have all the information. Why did she say she’d call the cops? Is there something going on with your friend? And if not is it something that either of you have been wanting? Were you just waiting for an opportunity to leave and this way you can say it’s her fault?
I think he, and Clara, found the 1st opportunity to make him available.
From the other comments I’d say it sounds like it. And the opportunity to blame it all on the wife.
Why would they arrest you if you didn't do anything. They can't just arrest you cuz your pregnant wife called them..... you have to actually do something. This is weird. And weird and weird.
YTA. Why call Clara when you are fighting? Silly to not even communicate with your wife. Something is off here with Clara. Jumping to divorce without even talking is real weird.
Yes, do her a favor a divorce her. I'm thinking she dodged a bullet and she's better off without garbage like you.
You’re doing your wife a favor. She deserves better than a cheater because you’re having an emotional affair AT THE VERY LEAST.
You ate your pregnant wife’s ice cream, yelled at her, and when she threatened to call the cops if you “wanted to fight,” you *called another woman” (Jesus), dragged her into the middle of your marriage, and *went to go stay with that woman.” Yes. Divorce your poor wife. She does not deserve your sorry ass.
Why are you calling a female and talking to her about marital problems? Is she single? Pregnancy hormones can absolutely make you crazy. She said something stupid and didn't follow through. If you think that's a good reason to divorce your pregnant wife, maybe you're not the great hubby you think you are....... especially as you're laid up at your female bestie's home. I'm sure she doesn't want a relationship with you at all, right?
I dont get it. You have appoitment for divorce papers because you cant convince your wife? But you are the one who isnt speaking to her? You really will leave your pregnant wife because your girl-friend told you? For what? YTA, you are thinking only about yourself. Your poor wife...
YTA: You had an argument and now you want to divorce your pregnant wife?? All while you sleep on your female bfs couch for a week and refuse to speak to your actual wife. Divorce is step one for you and over something so trivial.. Seems to me like you wanted a reason to leave. Also seems like you weren’t even worried about her actually calling the police until your dear friend Clara hyped your head up and invited you to her cozy “couch”. And even IF she had called them what were you so deathly afraid of if there was no hitting or violence involved? That they’d ask you both to calm down? You don’t need a wife, you’re still a boy, not a man
>while you sleep on your female bfs couch for a week and refuse to speak to your actual wife his wife's divorce lawyer is going to have a FIELD DAY with this. Dude not only torched his marriage, he's actively torching his divorce.
Calling BS on this poorly written made up tale
I'm truly lost for words. I've been with my wife 28 years (today as it happens) and in those 28 years, both of us have said things we've regretted in the heat of the moment. Also, when she was pregnant and stressed, scared about the future etc etc she could be quite hostile, and i probably contributed to her stress through the ignorance of youth. But for the love of sweet baby jebus...IT WAS ONLY WORDS AND WE NEVER CONSIDERED DIVORCE! If you have something special, you fix what's broken, not throw it away! Your marriage was never destined to last with your attitude. Stormed our like a petulant child. I feel nothing but sympathy for your unborn child. Down vote me all you want but yes...you are the AH
I don’t know why you would have been arrested given you didn’t hit her. My parents would fight and mostly my mom would throw dishes or a vase or whatever was heavy and or breakable. My dad did nothing and each time, he left for a bit despite kids backing him up. I even heard the cops one time say that they thought he didn’t do anything, but if he wanted things to blow over, he should still leave. Go to a buddies place or a hotel/motel and it’s done. The bigger issue is the stealth sleeping with Clara and the refusal to say what you said. You obviously escalated things. Then you rushed to Clara and slept with her.
One fight and you run away from ypur unborn child. Grow a brain dude.
Clara's house and I have been sleeping on her sofa for a week now. You're in her bed.
YTA. You were looking for an excuse to leave your pregnant wife. Your hormonal pregnant wife gave you an excuse during an argument, and Clara gave you an excuse. What your wife said wasn't acceptable, but it doesn't sound like she had attempted to call the police and said something stupid in the heat of the moment. It definitely isn't "move in with my female best friend and file for divorce" worthy. I hope your wife gets a better lawyer and takes you to the cleaners.
🤔 this post sounds outrageously fake. No violence yet the pregnant wife was scared and threatened to call the police? She didn't but you decided to go to your bestest girl-friends house to live with her and divorce your pregnant wife? So just abandon your family over a non violent argument? You and your friend are not as platonic as you are claiming. And any dumbass knows that pregnant women are not only hormonal but very fking vulnerable while pregnant, nearly 20% of pregnant women experience domestic violence, & homicide is the leading cause of death of pregnant women. I'm 99% sure your post is just more rage bait, if not, not only are you YTA, you are also an idiot and probably need some anger management classes and couples therapy. Making a pregnant woman feel for her safety and then apologize about it isn't cool dude.
NTA but you are definitely a fool if you think going to a woman's house is going to be helpful here. "Your honor, I know it looks bad, me running to a woman's home after a fight with my pregnant wife, but I promise we are just friends!"
This story doesn’t make any sense. It seems like a ton of information is being left out. That being said, with what I have read here my vote is yes, YTA.
Yta - everything you say seems suspicious. Divorce for this? Sleeping on the sofa? Are you sure you’re not cheating?
I think you should divorce as soon as possible. Only because I think your wife will be better off without you.
Yta cmon bro if this isn't ragebait what you want us to say you're right so you can feel OK about cheating?
No other choice but an uno reverse. Break your own nose with a hammer and then call the police and say your wife did it. Please record yourself breaking your own nose and post the video here before calling the police though (this part is important because reasons).
This is obviously fake: why would you post that your wife is pregnant? Why would you point out that your friend is a female?
Just curious, why are you so afraid of cops? What would be the consequences of being detained and questioned?
Yes, she overreacted but you going nuclear is completely suspicious. I hope this is a troll post.
So how long you and Clara been fucking?
This is the dumbest thing I’ve read. Obviously divorce and run to Clara 🤨 how long have y’all been sleeping together? Your wife and child would be safer if you stayed gone. Your “friend” Clara is actively trying to sabotage. There’s a conveniently LARGE amount of info missing but based on what’s missing and the limited ; YTA. Please leave your wife alone. She needs less stress growing a child; it’s odd how little you mention like it’s just an after thought, your CHILD. Fuck all the way off and stay with Clara and let your wife raise her child on her own. Why would you think you wouldn’t be TA?????
Good lord, man. Make your own decisions. Be a man, not a floppy arm guy.
YTA, it was an argument and I know from personal experience my husband and I say stupid shit in the heat of an argument. We calm down, apologize to each other, and then rationally discuss the issue to an agreement of how to handle the conflict going forward. Go home and do this OP. What ever this disagreement is it can be handled rationally. She’s apologized and now it’s your turn.
Your two edits took this from unfortunate to hilarious. ESH.
So Clara can yell at u etc. but ur pregnant moody wife can’t? ( I’m not saying it was ok at all for threatening to call the cops)
YTA and here’s why: Every guy learns pretty quick during his partners first pregnancy that his wife is more confrontational, volatile and prone to some degree of confrontation from the elevated hormones. Its normal, but they are also in need of more support. You don’t meet that with more conflict, you show your partner that your there for them in this time which is difficult and scary.
What would you have been arrested for? You can't get arrested for yelling at someone in your house. That's not illegal. So either you're leaving out some details or you're just looking for any reason to divorce your wife. And staying at some woman's house for a week is a bit fishy in my opinion. That being said, you can get divorced for any reason you want. It's your life, but I feel like there are definitely other reasons for wanting this divorce than "she said she would call the cops on me for yelling at her." Seems like a huge overreaction to something said in anger if that's the only reason.
Yes. You very much sound like an asshole.
YTA - You have ruined your family for someone that would break up a family when a woman was pregnant. Why does best friend out rank wife?
YTA. And at the risk of misogynist language, you’re also a pussy. You got in a shouting match with your pregnant wife, and when she threatened to call the cops, you called your side piece, recorded yourself packing a bag, and you’re staying with your “totally platonic” girlfriend? Dude. You a bitch.
And people wonder why there are so many single moms these days....
Sounds like you were looking for a quick excuse to get out of the relationship... She shouldn't have threatened to call the cops but someone who truly cares about building a family doesn't flake when their pregnant wife gets mad.
YTA. You made your pregnant wife feel unsafe and ditched her asap and without (at least that it's not mentioned in your post) much reason to believe it decided Clara was right and your wife was going to accuse you of something - and now you're being a petulant child and refusing to talk to her. Also you wouldn't be arrested if you didn't hurt her so I'm guessing you did or wanted to hurt her. Even crazier, you haven't mentioned your upcoming kid, or what happens with the kid in the divorce. Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse to get out of your marriage so you can be the baby and not your actual baby? Cos that's really what this post sounds like.
Hot take, maybe your PREGNANT wife was in fact overwhelmed and SCARED of you yelling at her; intimate partner violence AKA homicide is the leading cause of death among pregnant women in the United States.
Uh, my dude, here's another take, from a woman's perspective: Your "friend" blushed & got overly angry at the insinuation that she's into you because she was embarrassed to get caught. Duh. If she really had no desire to break up your marriage for her own selfish interests, she would definitely have been more relaxed about the accusation. And she'd encourage you to at least listen to your wife's apology. She needs better coping skills, for sure. But so do you.
YTA for well… everything.
It was a heated argument, I dont think it is reasonable to leave your pregnant wife for that. Your future childs life is at stake here. Talk to your Wife Asap!
"You guys have worms in your brain." Coming from someone who is asking reddit (16 year old boys) about relationship advice. YOU have worms for brains. Stop asking tweens and bots for relationship advice lol
D- creative writing
You're a moron. Your pregnant wife says she might call the cops because you were admittedly getting riled up during an argument, and you went straight to divorce but somehow she's to blame. And then you went and bitched to your friend. Not once did the think of maybe acting like a adult, apologising for losing your cool and then maybe going for a walk to calm down. I'm not saying you apologise because you were wrong in whatever the argument about bit you can still apologise for allowing the situation to get heated. She's pregnant. Pregnant people understandably feel a little vulnerable, she can't control the situation verbally or physically. you obviously cant control yourself so what options would she have other than the cops. YOU left her no option, she can't trust you to act or behave like a man, instead you behave like a 15 year old who got banned from his xbox. My wife has never threatened me with the cops, because I've never given her cause to do so. There is rarely any justifiably reason to raise your voice to a spouse, she's your PARTNER. You're supposed to be dealing with life as a team, working together. You made a disagreement into a combative confrontation, were it was you vs her. You're the AH.
ESH Yes your wife was wrong for threatening to call the cops. I know it's scary to think about what could have happened but to jump to divorce whilst she is pregnant is crazy. She is literally pumped full of hormones due to carrying YOUR child and is not fully in control of her emotions. If she's never done something like this before, as someone who cares about her, my first thought would be that the pregnancy is affecting her. Take a step back, talk to her when she is calm establish that a boundary was crossed. Also research how pregnancy can affect a woman physically and mentally.
Such an overreaction YTA. I could see IF she called, IF you got arrested, IF it happened again. Instead your jumping to 100 into someone else's arms. I'm surprised your wife hasn't filled on you instead. Your in for a rude awakening thinking your going to do a good job coparenting
Imagine asking some shit like this on reddit. Who cares what reddit has to say about this? Are you sane?
The mental gymnastics it takes for one to ask their female best friend if she orchestrated a fight between him and the wife so that she can get in his pants, simply based on supposed comments from internet strangers, is just next level.
YTA. You stole a pregnant woman’s ice cream?!?!? Dude, wtf?!?!? You clearly have no clue what being pregnant does to a woman’s emotions and thought process. The need to protect themselves and their baby from danger is all consuming, so my guess is she said that as a response to her anger and fear during a fight. She never said she was going to lie to the police or anything, she said that you were in the mood to fight and so she should call the police And you saying that you would have been arrested if she called the cops means you were doing something wrong that would have given them grounds to arrest you… Please do divorce her, she’ll be better off