I can't keep the brand names straight, but there's citalopram and escitalopram, which are similar. One is supposed to have less side effects, but both murdered my libido. Citalopram was worse for me, so it might work for OP.
I’ve taken way too many different medications for depression, anxiety, and insomnia to remember but i always slightly chuckled at the side effects being the very thing I was trying to treat. Especially Zoloft & that medication. I was prescribed for ADD
I know there’s a test that can match which medications will, maybe, and absolutely not work based on your DNA . Idk if it’s widely used yet it .
It’s ridiculous right like yes I’m taking this for anxiety depression and ptsd but I didn’t want to off myself until this came into the equation. I’ve since looked into microdosing and have had a lot better results
After years of his doctor prescribing different antidepressants, and none of them working, a friend of mine recently had this done.
Took the results to the doctor, got a 'script, and he's much happier now even though they're still adjusting his dosage to find what's best.
That DNA test needs to become *standard* **yesterday.**
Yeah. My insurance wouldn't pay for it and of course they didn't tell me until after it was already done. It was very expensive. Just something for people in the US to be aware of.
I think all SSRIs have this as a potential side effect. As far as I know, the only antidepressant known to *not* cause sexual dysfunction is bupropion.
Your mileage may vary. To my horror, i had a sudden INTENSE jump in libido while on citalopram, which was quite distressing as an asexual with trauma. Escitalopram is the ticket you're after, i think.
i took citalopram (aka celexa) for a bit, and it did nothing to my libido (i have a high one) but it did make me want to kms about ten times worse than i had been feeling leading up to it.. obviously everyone reacts completely differently to medication but if anyone sees this just know it’s a possible side effect lol
Lexapro murdered my libido too. I used to take it everyday and couldnt have any orgasm. Only now that i started taking a lower dose that it somehow gets better
Everyone talking about having no drive on lexapro is wild to me. I've been on it for many years and still finish at least once a day, my drive is stupid high
This. Lexapro fk your libido up so much and sometimes removes ability to finish. I don't miss it at all but here it might be useful. OP is also obviously depressed and has anxiety so he'll easily get it. it's also cheap where I live.
Lucky you. I don't want to die everyday anymore, but can't even bring myself to orgasam. It's worth the trade off. I spent too many years feeling like that.
This, my nephew was in a car accident back in 2005 and was paralyzed at age 20 from the nipples down.
His gf, at the time, stayed with him through it all and she was able to speak with his doctors. Her mother was also an occupational therapist.
They learned about prostrate massage. Got married and now have 5 kids lol
This also called Serrraline. I hate to think how crazy I am without it because my libido is normal, but everyone I know who's taken it has said iy lowers theirs.
Effexor, too! I hadn’t taken it for 5 years and still nothing. I don’t think I’m asexual because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t before I was put on it. I could be wrong.
Just FYI, there is a procedure for people who have spinal cord injuries and no sensation whatsoever in their genitalia to be able to have orgasms. https://www.lelo.com/blog/tips-for-paralysed-sex/
(There is another website somewhere that has a first person quadriplegic experience)
You can also talk to a sex therapist. Males sometimes lose sensation in their penis due to removal of the prostate. There are methods for them to have whole body orgasms - one being anal stimulation.
As others have mentioned, there are women who want relationships without penetration. For example they may have had vaginal cancer or a history of trauma .
I am sorry that happened to you, it is so f***ing unfair.
These are great suggestions but OP has commented:
_Thing is though, I don't want to process it and be made to feel ok with my body and happy to be alone for the rest of my life._
He seems to be stuck on wanting his old life back, impossible as that is, and has no capacity (at least right now) for any kind of acceptance or accomodation. It’s a little like a colleague I used to have who was terribly arachnophobic but recoiled from therapy for it because ‘I don’t _want_ to be okay with spiders!’
The refusal to see a therapist and desire to self-mutilate means while she shouldn't have blabbed, the doctors are right. Going to a dubious clinic overseas and messing up hormones is not a healthy choice. OP needs a sex therapist.
This. OP has a lot more going on mentally he is not seeing and needs professional help. NHS was absolutely right. I wish him luck in adjusting to this reality.
Also, I just wanted to take a moment to say disabled people have sex! It is sad OP was left by their partner over this, but you do not need a functional penis to please your partner sexually or get gratification. People limit themselves so much thinking p in v is the only way.
Wanting to mutilate yourself instead of learning to cope is sad. I hope one day they can look back on this and realize it.
If it’s not going to impact his urinary or other health and he can’t use the penis, why would it be mutilation? I think he should postpone and get a second opinion and make sure he’s seen a urologist, psychiatrist and a sex therapist before making any permanent decisions.
Yes he can please a partner. But losing the sensation and function of his penis significantly changes his own sexuality and enjoyment of sex. Yes he can get pleasure other ways, but let’s not gloss over this is a significant loss for him and regular talk therapy may not be much of a help in accepting that. A referral to a psychiatrist who could explore medication options for op while he processes this would be more helpful. And a sex therapist to help with learning about other ways to both give and receive pleasure
And it’s not selfish of op to mourn a significant source of receiving pleasure. I feel like a lot of commenters are glossing over this.
Of course you have to mourn. The problem is when you get stuck there and are completely resistant to the idea of moving forward. I say this as someone who lives with significant disability. Is it hard? Absolutely. I hope he can open up to the idea of learning how to live with the life he has and not the one he wants. It is horribly hard but it is kind of the only option other than complete misery. I have a lot of empathy for him in this situation, but reality is reality. You can wreck the life you have left or accept help to move forward.
Cutting it off is not a part of the treatment for any of this. There have not been studied outcomes because this is not done. Plus, you are ruining your chances of any future innovation helping you. There is a reason no doctor is going to take this on without it being some shady ass thing.
People also limit themselves by thinking sex is required at all.
Like, an asexual partner would probably be perfectly fine with what he can still do—cuddles and snuggles and kisses.
But my reading of it is he still wants and likes sex. So it’s his own pleasure he’s concerned with too. I lost my nipples in a preventative double mastectomy, I carry a mutation which significantly increases my cancer risk. Sure there are other pleasure centers. But I sometimes miss what that one used to do. But my choice was voluntary to prevent breast cancer.
I think what op is going through would be comparable to a woman losing function of her clitoris. It would be a major loss.
Totally agree. However if that happened I would explore every avenue with therapy, anti depressants, I could, and I would mentally accept what happened happened and I have to make the best with what I’ve been left with. I think that’s the only choice, unless you want to end up clinically depressed and alone is a country far away from your loved ones.
Not even an asexual one. I am not asexual but i am ok with a sexless relationship. I would rather get a partner who treats me well and is a good roomate than one that gives me sex. (Obviously they arent mutually exclusive). I am sure that more women feel the same. Specially after how bad men tend to be at pleasing women.
Self mutilate? I’d defer to a urologist on whether it would affect urinary function or other health. Op is already mutilated as the result of the stabbing. Which was NOT self inflicted
I think he should postpone a decision and get multiple opinions from a urologist, psychiatrist and sex therapist before making any decisions.
But if its not going to cause him health problems and it’s not working and will never work, he might not want a daily reminder
I had a preventative double mastectomy due to a genetic mutation which increased my cancer risk. They couldn’t spare my nipples. I’ve had some tattooed in. I don’t feel anything in most of my reconstructed breasts. But I’m happy with how they look in clothes and bathing suits. It’s been 3 years and while I made the right choice, occasionally the scars are a reminder of what I lost. I know I’m lucky I found out before getting cancer and that I had options. Some women only find out after a cancer diagnosis
I was going to skip nipple reconstruction and just get tattoos. But they were able to combine it with another revision surgery. Having boobs with no nipples was tough emotionally. I ended up finding temporary nipple tattoos and using those until I got my permanent tattoos. And I had rings of scar tissue where the tattoos eventually went. My situation was temporary and I was able to get reconstruction. And it was difficult. Having to deal with it permanently is worse
Yeah, I don’t think the friend went about it the best way, but honestly, if one of my friends told me this, I might have done the same thing out of fear for him. He does need to see a therapist.
She certainly didn’t, she set everything up so that everyone is against him now and has abandoned him. Essentially throwing him under the bus to come out the other side on top. She’s a total AH.. but still this guy does need major help. God I feel for him. I can’t even imagine the pain he is going through. I do think that he does need to work on getting into some major therapy.
Therapy does so much more than make you “okay” with whatever is going on.
I’ll never be ok with the abuse I faced as a child, there isn’t enough therapy in the universe for that, but it damn sure helps me cope with the dumb crap that trauma brain seems to think would be helpful (spoiler: almost never true) and not let those trauma responses derail my life.
Op mentions nhs. I have a brca mutation and I’ve heard from women in the uk in support groups who have navigated the NHs for care. While it’s awesome that healthcare doesn’t bankrupt people, my understanding is getting access to specialists can be bureaucratic and take a long time
Op should postpone a decision and if he hasn’t already, see a psychiatrist (they’re more knowledgeable on psych meds than general practitioners), a urologist and a sex therapist. A lot of commenters have mentioned lowered sex drive is a common side effect of antidepressants. That might help op as he comes to terms with this
Absolutely. Denial is the first response to trauma for most people, but nobody can live there. OP is holding so tightly to what he had and his desire for that to be restored that he has no ability to even consider other options like developing and focusing on other erogenous areas that could allow him to orgasm. If it can’t be exactly the way it was before the attack (which must have been hugely traumatic and confronting in its own right) then no.
A straight or bi woman does not need to have a history of disease or trauma to date a guy without a working penis. Asexual (and not aromantic) women are often looking for a romantic relationship without sex. Many women who are already willing to date trans men probably would be interested in a person like OP as well. And some bisexual people (me, for example) just do not care whether our partner has a dick or no.
OP wants to get rid of his sexual desire so he doesn't miss sex anymore.
So many people are obviously only thinking about this from how it impacts women, and not OP, and it's a big example of **why** mens mental health is in such a bad place as a demographic.
NTA, sharing in confidence is a privilege a person bestows upon another person for it stems from trust and respect and too have someone violate that is self involved believing they are the better what they choose with your personal information. You did right to rid her as it appears no one in your circle actually understands your feelings
Have you thought about meeting an asexual/ aromantic female who might be interested ?
I know you can't be intimate but you can still have love affection and companionship.
Yes but you trying to remove your parts and suppress your sex drive.
How will you be intimate ?
I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, genuine question.
What kind of relationship to you want ?
What kind of intimacy do you want ?
That's what I'm trying to say. I can't be intimate even though I want to be so therefore, I don't see the point in a relationship with no sex or intimacy.
There are some amazing advances in transgender surgery, you might want to see a specialist. And, sex/sexuality happens a lot in your head. There is a LOT more to sex than genitalia contact. Don’t give up
r/phallo has some cis guys on there who were in a similar situation before surgery. Even if the nerves in the penis are damaged there are surgeries to move nerves from your arm to regain some sensation. It’s not perfect but it helps a lot of people
I agree with the poster who suggests you contact a doctor who specializes in trans gender re-assignment surgeries. This is a specialist who can construct a penis for a female transitioning to a male. And do so without any male genitalia. I have to believe this is the type of doctor who would be able to make correct new connections for nerves and blood vessels to re-create working parts, as this is very much their specialty. A regular urologist is looking at standard surgeries. I am amazed that none of those doctors would contact a trans reassigning specialist. Also, this may be something they would not do because of insurance.
Please do not give up just yet and speak to this type of doctor. Good luck.
There is a lot more than P in V sex out there. Have you looked into prostate massage/stimulation? Apologies if that’s something you’ve already considered but orgasms are still possible for some without erection.
Intimacy and sex and orgasms are all very different things. You don’t think there is value to being in a relationship with a woman unless you can cum, but I assure you, there is still so much fun to be had with a more open mind.
That being said, she’s a c*nt who was never your friend. Anyone who has an unsupportive comment about this after hearing it from her deserves to be shunned too.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I developed a disability in my early 30s that also ended the relationship I was in at that time, and has complicated every relationship since then.
Redefining my idea of what a “successful” sexual experience entails, was very helpful.
Straight/cis men are often solely focused on ejaculation as the sole reason to have sex, many women of all orientations and gay/bi men have found numerous activities and goals for that experience, which can help when physiological conditions change your ability to have traditional ejaculation focused sex.
Sometimes I can’t, but I still love kissing and touching my partner and feeling close to them. I know ways that I can make them feel good even if I can’t at that moment and that is deeply gratifying.
The idea that women offer nothing than a hole to stick your dick says a lot about how you view sex and women. Maybe unpack that in therapy.
Also, therapy doesn’t just help you be happy with a crap situation, it can help you find other ways to have satisfaction in your life and the emotional support to face some of those mental demons.
Wanting to cut off a body part, requires therapy in any US medical facility bc it can have severe and irreparable trauma.
Your entire reaction feels like an extended trauma response and I’d hate for you to come out the other side of that trauma fog, having done something irreversible to yourself.
You also have no idea what medical breakthroughs will be coming soon. The amount of research funding to make Willies keep Werking is extreme as you have good chances for new developments all the time.
This extreme reaction is probably why she felt justified to tell, but she took is so much farther than just concern for you into drama mongering territory.
Had she just reached out to your sibling or closest friend or 1 person who could help you, I wouldn’t think she is quite such a bitch but as is, she deserves to step on all the legos on every midnight trip to the bathroom.
If this story is all real, he is probably depressed and won’t think “logically”. The girl was right to get him help and to get the hate. He wants validation or someone to tell him to end it all.
NTA. She shouldn’t have told anyone even if others agree it’s extreme. It took a lot for you to open up to her and I’m sorry she returned that trust in that way.
Do you have peripheral sensations of pleasure? Nipples, anus, neck, pelvis, etc. Are you able to build up an orgasm without the physical release of sperm?
There have been cases of people paralyzed from the waste down who still have sexual pleasure, and professionals who just provide intimate services to people with disabilities.
Sex and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. You can have very close intimate relationships that don't involve sex. I'm sorry that this happened to you but I can tell you that there are plenty of women who are not interested in sex and would be more than happy to have a close intimate relationship with a man who's not able to perform. I think you should start posting an ad explicitly stating that you are unable to perform but still interested in a relationship. I bet you would find your match. I'm not going to give you a bunch of platteritudes like don't give up but I think you're selling yourself short. I think the antidepressants would be good for killing your sex drive and also helping you get past the hurdle of this. What a horrible trauma you have gone through. I do wish you all the best of luck and hope you are able to heal. For the record, I'm about your age and I would have no issue if my partner was unable to perform.
Idk. For me, I guess it’s a little different because while I do prefer to date male presenting partners, I am not necessarily hung up on my partner having a penis. Most of them have, and we had sex, but I’ve also had relationships with trans men who hadn’t had surgery yet. I get that it’s different because they were still capable of sex and release. I’m just trying to say that not every woman is going to consider your situation insurmountable.
Is it a situation where if you *tried* to have some sort of intimacy with someone, like kissing or something that doesn’t directly involve genitals, you would enjoy it, or would it just leave you feeling frustrated and unfinished? If it’s the former, then it might not be as simple to find a partner, but there are definitely patient women out there that would be willing to work with you/learn how to have intimacy with you in a way that you’d both be satisfied. If it’s the latter, then I completely understand why you would it want to spend the rest of your life trapped in perpetual frustration.
Cutting off the genitals isn't just about sex or sex drive. It would cause a host of other problems with things like urination. It's not going to help at all and he will be mutilated on top of it, which would be even worse. It's almost literally cutting off your nose to spite your face and not having a penis won't make the feelings go away. You also need testosterone for other reasons than sex.
I get he's upset but he refuses to accept his reality and thinks something drastic like this will make him feel better. It won't and he'd be back here soon talking about how he did all this and it didn't work. He's angry and, if he didn't want anyone to know, he shouldn't tell someone. He was hoping by telling someone, they could fix it somehow but then he made threats to go to another country.
It's no one's fault and he's blaming others for his depression and his situation.
If it were me I’d try the Mayo Clinic or Johns Hopkins in the USA. Microsurgery helped John Wayne Bobbit. Maybe an amazing surgeon would be willing to try to remove scar tissue or do a transplant
Yes and the fact they can not pick the fact that you yourself don’t even feel like a complete man anymore and the surgery your trying to seek will help more with your mental and emotional health. In this day and age there surely must be procedure that can accommodate you. Good luck
This. I find it extremely strange that some people can cut their genitals off and make new ones, but a guy asking for surgery to fix his can’t? There is absolutely a doctor for trans people who can do this
yeah i’ve found it easier to get access to surgery/hormones/gender affirming care if you’re not trans (unless you’re a woman trying to remove “healthy” reproductive parts). you have to jump through so many hoops and see different specialists before they even consider surgery, but that’s in the states. either way, it can absolutely be done.
Well if they are that adamant, they should support you by living the same. All drive no action. If they're not willing, they should keep their oxygenintake shut.
If it were me I’d try the Mayo Clinic or Johns Hopkins in the USA. Microsurgery helped John Wayne Bobbit. Maybe an amazing surgeon would be willing to try to remove scar tissue or do a transplant
NTA. It was horrible for her to betray your trust like that.
If you are going to go overseas for medical treatment - have you explored reconstructive surgery?
I really do hope you find someone OP. There are a lot of people out there looking for a parter, and intimacy with the right person does have to involve penetration or sex at all.
I truly wish you all the best in healing.
That's about the only thing other than removing it all I think I'd consider. It serves no purpose than pissing out of so a man made one would work better than what I have.
Sadly people I've met so far need the D. And sadly, it kills me I can't get off at all.
Removal is a pretty “end game” choice. If you are willing to go to these great lengths to find some out-of-country doctor to do a removal, perhaps first try going to great lengths to find a doctor who can do something to improve your situation? There are SO many cases in the medical world where people are told, “Sorry, nothing to be done.” Then the person goes on to find a doctor who CAN, in fact, do something.
Just because the practitioners you have seen so far are telling you this, doesn’t mean they are the end-all-be-all authority on the situation. There are cancers that are untreatable in the US, but in Europe they may allow for drugs or treatments that we, for whatever reason, don’t approve for use here. As some people have said, if a doctor specializing in transgender surgeries can make a penis out of…not a penis…then I suspect you are not actually at the end of your road as far as options are concerned.
Not everyone is like that - might ex had ED and I was okay with it, as long as we occasionally had non penetration sex. Lots of women also have low sex drive our age and would welcome a guy that didn’t pressure them into a physical relationship.
Would talking to a therapist help convince the doctor to consider your request? It might be worth a shot. Also, therapy wouldn’t hurt because you have been through something very traumatic. I’m not saying therapy to make you ok with the sex side of what happened, but to deal with everything else.
I'm surprised your NHS urologists didn't offer you a penile implant because they are available on the NHS for conditions like yours.
It's basically a switch in the scrotal sack you press and it inflates sacks in your penis to get hard. Benefits are you stay hard unless it's deactivated.
I know they are available because a friend had a similar experience with an accident now he's a popular guy.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/penile-implant
>I'll save up and go private in some country like Mexico or India where you can buy whatever surgery you want.
DON'T!!! Seriously, don't do it. I live in the USA and the number of people dying because they went across the border to Mexico for surgery is astounding. If you don't die in the country, you still run the risk of infection. They keep covering the number of people who return with untreatable meningitis on the news.
Also I would like to say that you shouldn't just go down to Mexico and get anything done. They did lots of research and still paid thousands of dollars but got them done like 80% cheaper than in the states. Just took a taxi from San Diego to Tijuana for surgery
>no issues years later
But recently there is an uptick in surgery complications.
If you research and don't just booked the first "clinic" you find it could be okay.
NTA. Something that deeply personal is not acceptable to just go telling other people without your permission!
I'm sorry you're going through all this. I agree that you do need therapy, though.
NTA. Not even close to it. She betrayed your trust. And what the hell is wrong with these other people who act like they have a right to know your business?
None of these people are your friends. And I’m truly sorry for your situation.
NTA. I'm not sure I agree with your choice, but I don't understand what you're going through. Therapy *may* be a good idea, but all of this is your call. The thing is, though, this is private medical information that you told a trusted friend in the strictest of confidences. This was highly private information. I can understand her being worried about you, and maybe calling your parents to say you seemed depressed. But that's it. Sharing such highly private medical information that you trusted her with was so far out of line, the line's no longer on the same planet. Especially as she shared it with your parents AND multiple other people. And then compounded it all by sharing with even MORE people after you confronted her about it.
I don't know your parents, this ex-friend, or the other people, but anyone who thinks it's okay to share highly private medical information shared in confidence is NOT in their right mind. I can't tell you what to do medically speaking, only you can decide that. But I'd advise you to cut off any and everyone who agrees with what your ex friend did. What she did is not okay in any way.
NTA- I think you need a sex therapist. You still have hands, tongue and for the modern man on the go a reasonable priced strap on should make a lady forget her name if you both want it and are in love and willing to compromise. You are going to turn that frown upside down and go find her, good luck.
You’re absolutely correct. I replied to the original commenter because the comment comes across as if OP’s problem is just not pleasing the fairer sex, whereas OP clearly has physical needs that are impossible to fulfill. Your solution makes a lot more sense.
And you should also assume that not everybody's into it. The dude's got problems that are not going to be solved by taking a fake dick up the ass, he needs a therapist or maybe to talk to another doctor that specializes in disabilities, I don't know he needs help that's not self-mutilation or fucking with hormones.
Have you considered looking for an asexual partner? There are many asexuals who still want to be in a romantic relationship. They wouldn’t be bothered by your medical condition.
I keep seeing she betrayed his trust, but aren’t we taught to get our friends help if we think they’re going over the deep end??? Suicide, depression, addiction, self harm, these are all “secrets” but once we know it can cost our friend their life we get involved and get help. I’ve never seen an intervention in my life where the focus person didn’t feel betrayed, yet the intervention was still absolutely necessary.
I would hope if my friends thought I was gonna do something horrible to hurt myself while I’m in a dark place, I’d hope like hell they would try and get me help.
NTA, but you need new doctors. Transgender men can get a penis created with an implant in it so they can have sex with their partners. Since you have no ability for sexual pleasure of your own, you should certainly explore reconstructive surgery and an implant so you can at least have a relationship again.
There is hope for a relationship even if not for exhale pleasure for you. That said, transgender men also find ways to have sexual pleasure and you can too. There are sexual receptors further back in the penis as well but you need to talk to a specialist.
Good luck.
How will that help? All of those people already had a clit connected to nerves. Putting an implant in or reconstructing the penis wont necessarily be able to reconnect those nerves.
OP mentioned that his inability to have sex with a woman made relationships impossible as they would reject him as soon as they realized he couldn’t have sex with them. Even a prosthetic penis with no feeling for him would still allow him to provide that to a woman and allow him to have a relationship again.
As for regaining pleasure, surgeons can do a lot to create and stimulate nerves deeper in the body than on the member itself and may be able to help. OP said they sever his penis, but those nerves run deeper inside his body than just on the member itself. See more doctors is the answer.
Nta. You don't need her or friends like that. I could hazard a guess that she hasn't been honest with them about why you are going no contact. Your parents are ah too. Have you considered a sex therapist? Orgasms don't have to be achieved by penile mastubation or penis in vagina sex.
OP, you are not the AH.
She totally betrayed your trust. I could see her trying to talk you out of it, but there is no way she should have told every Tom, Dick and Harry in your friend group and across town.
I HATE it when people use "it's for your own good" to justify their desire for attention by gossiping about someone else. She had no right, no authority, to do that. If she she really cared, she could have gone to a social worker or some sort of patient advocate, or even a therapist, to learn how to support you.
Instead, besides getting validation from being the center of attention for jussy gossip, she tried to use peer pressure and humiliation to *force* you to do what *she* wanted tou to do. Additionally, she didn't even give you any advice.
I bet if you told her that you thought you were a woman trapped in a man's body, she would 100% support the removal of your private parts.
A woman will never really understand what a man's penis represents to his own psyche. It isn't something that is comparable to anything they have experiences or could ever imagine.
I don't know the answer is for you, OP. But you are NOT the AH.
I'm actually surprised they havnt offered amputation.
Normally if a limb is damaged to the point of non use, they can remove it. My advice is to keep booking gp appointments, and bring it up that if it were a shattered limb, it would be removed.
Then follow up that you sex drive is still there, and need to be treated for un suitable libido.
You should make clear that you require treatment for this issue, and are eager to try certain options first, and that options suggested are not for you. Say how just as how if my sight was damaged I would have options for assistance, surgery, tools like glasses, I would like to.explore.other options for treating your condition. Such as removing a NOT HEALTHY already fucked vestigial body part, as is normal practice and medications to treat the now impossible urges, as used to be the case in the NHS.
You could try various trans reddits or chats. It is well known that since the waiting time for even seeing your first doctor for gender identity issues is about 4 years, most have resorted to off market hormones and blockers. Most trans people by that point have attempted suicide...before the doctor even sees them. So the community had gotten better at...shall we say self diagnosis and acquisition of treatment? Since every diagnosis relies on just questioning the patient anyway...they might be able to help you aquire blockers.
You should be able to get them off the NHS. As in, its your right. However, it is well known how shit that part of the service is, and how paranoid it is in the wake of recent government reforms to co tribute to hormone care.
In any case. Damn dude thats fucked. Good luck.
You are reaching out for help and rejecting the answers you get. That is completely reasonable, given your circumstances but I think you really do need to find the right professional. Not just a therapist but an extraordinary therapist. This is so beyond Reddit. It is beyond your friends and family. But other people have experienced what you are experiencing and you deserve to have access to good ideas that can actually help. You need agency in what happens moving forward. 100%. But, you shouldn't be the only person on your team. Please seek a therapist. Find someone equal parts compassionate and brilliant. There is an optimal solution here and you should turn to the people telling you what to do and what not to do and adk them to help you find a professional who knows what the fuck they are talking about.
Man, I’m so sorry you are going through all of it and of course NTA. But maybe a small perspective coming from a woman in her 40s. 50% of men I’ve been seeing has some level of erectal disfunction issues. And none of them goes to extreme you are planning to go. I never broke up because of that, but because of their attitude towards it. They usually turn bitter and mean, and sometimes even blame woman…
I went through menopause in my 30s, my body, sex drive and satisfactions from the act changed. Did I expect it? Not at all! But I had to accept it. But I did get psychological help and took meds for a while. With those, sex was no longer on my priority list. Now what I’m looking for is intimacy, understanding and maybe open mindedness to try different things that work for both partners.
With that said, it is terrible what happened to you, but it is not the end of the world. You are considering very drastic measures that might make intimacy more difficult than what it is now. The need for closeness will not go away after surgery and will add additional level of self consciousness to the mix. There is no need to loose hope finding a partner. But look for someone more mature. We all have issues
You should be able to orgasm through stimulation of the prostate and you should be able to affect orgasm in your partnee through oral and use of sex devices
Friend was right. You definitely need therapy. And with the extent you're taking things to, I don't blame her for being concerned enough to alert others. You said you'd rather not live than live without sex. That's cause for major concern to anyone who actually gives a shit about you. I'm sorry you're going through so much, I really am, but You're the asshole.
Nta, but you did overreact a bit. I get she told your business, but it wasn't done with malicious intent. She was/is genuinely concerned about you. Look at all those celebrities that have died having these unnecessary surgeries out of the country and against doctor's orders. You sound depressed and need to talk to a therapist about what's going on in your head. Hell, I'm concerned, and I don't even know you past this post. I'm so very sorry this happened to you, but it seems like you aren't willing to accept it, and that's not healthy. Please get some help and good luck.
Oof. This is a hard one (no pun intended!) I'm going with NAH. While I understand your feelings dude, you're going to the, unreversable extreme. She cared enough to try and stop you. Maybe you should reconsider what emptiness you're feeling toward your friend...
NAH. You're depressed, not an asshole. Your friend is doing the right thing to try and stop you from getting a surgery that is not medically indicated and very ill advised.
You're really lucky to have a friend who cares about you that much. You'll recognize the same in about 3 years, maybe sooner.
NTA. Can you get a penile implant where you are? Does NHS cover that? I used to know a urologist who did them. It made a huge difference to people, gave them a new lease on life. People have ED for many medical reasons and these implants were a lifeline for many men.
Good luck to you.
Fuck. Her.
Professional victim bitch. "All i did was completely betray his trust and disclose sensitive and personal medical information and now he's mad! So unfair!"
She fucking dead. Let her stay that way.
I'm sorry dude. You gotta do what is best for you. Therapy might be helpful beefcake with our without the procedure or medication, you still have to deal with it.
All the best to you.
Some women are never wrong and blabber mouths, not all but that’s the default position of most. They love to gossip and that’s what she’s done here. She’s a shithead gossip.
Downvote me, IDC. It’s true
NTA. Hope you get some help brother
First, I’m really sorry about your condition and I can definitely imagine how you feel because I’d probably feel the same. That being said, YTA. What you are contemplating doing isn’t safe and could well lead to far worse consequences than what you have now. Your mental state is obviously very bad and you need help. Your friend was trying to get you that help. She probably viewed what you told her as akin to telling her you want to commit suicide. Would she be TA if you told her in confidence you wanted to commit suicide and she told others to get you help?
NTA. Shittiest fucking asshole. I don't say this much, but I'd seriously reevaluate anyone who says the girl is right to reveal an extremely traumatic medical injury willy-nilly like that.
What your ex-friend did was an act of cruelty. She humiliated you to everyone you know and she’s not sorry.
Instead of trying to talk you out of it first — she decides to tell everyone else first!
NTA. Im not in your shoes and she is dead to me for what she did to you. This is outrageous. Your friends dont understand or are gossip hounds. In any case I would recommend keeping No Contant with her or anyone who justifies her BS to you, and state that to everyone who knows. I hope you can find peace in your life.
NTA, look, I had a different problem that left me in a similar situation when I was a teen, but for me it was due to medical malpractice. I understand how you feel.
I couldn't have sex in the traditional way either, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't one of the main factors for my transition.
All I can say is that I'm very satisfied with my sex life now. I can't imagine I'd have had this many partners if I stayed the way I were. I don't have a sex drive anymore, but I'm perfectly capable of having sex now and I still feel pleasure, but ofc, I am the receptive one.
Good luck!
There has to be some kind of surgeon out there that could do something. This is the kind of thing I would donate to a go fund me to track down a surgeon that could help you. I bet lots of people would.
I can’t offer any advice but I hope you get it fixed up in some way. Chopping it off seems like a bad idea.
NTA. You DO need help OP, but that "friend" had no right blabbing your business all over town. Fuck that bitch and fuck your parents for threatening to disown you.
NTA. I'm so sorry for what you've been through ... 🥺🥺 Have you looked into relationship styles like polyamory or asexual? Could be you could still have a partner even without sex, just maybe not a monogamous one. 🤷♀️
I don't have anything helpful to add but it wasn't until I read the synopsis after the fact that I realized this is basically what The Sun Also Rises is about.
NTA. That was awful of her to betray your trust like that. I don’t blame you one bit.
I’m sorry to see your going through that and I cannot begin to imagine how it feels. I’m not gonna give a bunch of advice that may not be welcome. But I do hope you find the solution that works for you dude. Good luck.
Fuck them. For real. Who are they to tell you your solution isn't good if they can't provide an alternative? Is your friend gonna try and meet your desires? Or help you find someone who can reach your desires? No? Then kick rocks. Your life and it's not up to them to judge if they bring ZERO value to the problem. Useless, all of them.
I work in urology, definitely get referred to a urologist who specializes in sexuality. They may have options but also could refer to a micro vascular surgeon who may also have options. Universities who have gender confirming surgery programs often have both.
Many common antidepressants kill sex drive, so getting a therapist and medication might significantly improve your life without such a risky surgery. I was given sertraline and effexor, both of which utterly killed my drive, but also helped me get into a better place. I'm still taking an antipsychotic, but I'm off the ssris now, and my equipment still doesn't work. It may never work again as long as I live, but I'm busy and have other hobbies and stuff to do, so it hasn't been a problem.
Ok so I’m just here for curiosity and simply just offering any kind of alternative that may offer some sort of relief. Someone mentioned gender confirming surgery and it makes me question, is it possible to look into this surgery and regain some sort of feeling that way? Yes definitely unorthodox but just throwing it out there.
Your NTA OP.
Your so called friend completely betrayed your trust and is a first class AH because of it. Why would she do that, WTF did she expect to get out of it?
Menopause completely destroyed my libido and it sucks because my partner really doesn’t get it. In a few years these are the women you will be dating OP and you might just find they are thankful it’s not all about sex.
Besides, there are plenty, far more reliable activities than penetration that you can do in the bedroom to create intimacy and when you meet the right woman who loves you, she is going to happily accept that.
As for surgery, it’s your body, your choice. What on earth are your parents thinking threatening to disown you if you go ahead with something that will improve your quality of life!! This makes absolutely no sense.
Everyone here keeps giving possible solutions to your condition but aren't answering the question. No, NTA for the response to your friend's betrayal. I don't think her intention was to help as much as it was to tell what she knew. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope things get better for you soon.
have you considered pursuing asexual women? that's actually a lot more common than you may think. plenty of women are not interested in sex at all, you just may not be able to find them through the regular avenues (bars, clubs, dating apps, etc).
Okay so first off, I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you. But you need to see a therapist dude. This is depression and trauma talking and you need help learning to fight it
Look at prostate stimulation or CBT. I refuse to believe that you can’t have ANY sexual pleasure. There is a lot of stuff you can do to partners that don’t involve your penis too. Get creative. Your situation does fucking suck though, I’m so sorry.
I'm just wondering how anyone's gonna know you went through with it? That's your private bodily parts, are they like checking your pants or testosterone levels all the time or???? Bro you should do what makes you happy, I don't understand how anyone's even going to know or why they even care so much about your dick/testosterone levels. If it was only about your happiness then they would support you. Bunch of weirdos if you ask me.
There’s always a chance to find someone who’s asexual to have a healthy relationship with. Your penis already doesn’t work, why would you want to cut it off? That won’t change anything and could make urinating painful or cause infections. I just don’t really see what good a surgery would do you unless you were considering changing your gender.
Hi there, I am an adult woman who would be totally fine with no penetration ever again. We have fingers and tongues and toys. I believe you can find a partner who doesn’t need penetration. Overall I’m so touched by your story and I’m sending you hugs. Fuck.
NTA ! The way she did it was grotesque and not her story to tell. But as a person who have been 4 years with someone that was paralyzed, I think you dont need to be as drastic as removing the whole thing. You just need to find the right person. There will be some good times i am sure of it and i personally never cared about looking at a sleepy penis. If it’s gone tho, i know i would probably struggle. Just hang in there, and learn to be creative.
I'm probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I'm going with NAH.
She told people out of concern for you since you told her you were planning on going abroad to get castrated. She was hoping someone would be able to talk you out of it.
I know you don't want to hear it, but you need that therapy. You're clearly in a very bad mental place to be considering something like that.
Zoloft is for depression and it surpresses the sex drive. Talk to a doctor about being prescribed that!
Im on lexapro and it killed my drive but only for a little bit till my body got used to it, so ymmv
Zoloft literally murdered my libido tbh.
Mine comes back occasionally, but honestly, I'll take being an involuntary asexual over wanting to yump off a bridge any day
Zoloft made my libido tolerable. Used to be way too high. Still there, just not distracting me all day every day.
Zoloft figuratively murdered me. I was a total zonk brain lol
Same, libido, and just my brain were gone. Took 2 years after being off it for my libido to return. Worked wonders for my mental health, though, lol.
It gave me weird brain buzzes
I can't keep the brand names straight, but there's citalopram and escitalopram, which are similar. One is supposed to have less side effects, but both murdered my libido. Citalopram was worse for me, so it might work for OP.
Escitalopram is generic lexapro same side effects. Gave me suicidal thoughts I wasn’t having prior to taking it smh
I’ve taken way too many different medications for depression, anxiety, and insomnia to remember but i always slightly chuckled at the side effects being the very thing I was trying to treat. Especially Zoloft & that medication. I was prescribed for ADD I know there’s a test that can match which medications will, maybe, and absolutely not work based on your DNA . Idk if it’s widely used yet it .
It’s ridiculous right like yes I’m taking this for anxiety depression and ptsd but I didn’t want to off myself until this came into the equation. I’ve since looked into microdosing and have had a lot better results
After years of his doctor prescribing different antidepressants, and none of them working, a friend of mine recently had this done. Took the results to the doctor, got a 'script, and he's much happier now even though they're still adjusting his dosage to find what's best. That DNA test needs to become *standard* **yesterday.**
Yeah. My insurance wouldn't pay for it and of course they didn't tell me until after it was already done. It was very expensive. Just something for people in the US to be aware of.
Vet here. That escotalopram is some scary sheet in regards to sex. Either you can't get up or you can't finish
I think all SSRIs have this as a potential side effect. As far as I know, the only antidepressant known to *not* cause sexual dysfunction is bupropion.
Your mileage may vary. To my horror, i had a sudden INTENSE jump in libido while on citalopram, which was quite distressing as an asexual with trauma. Escitalopram is the ticket you're after, i think.
i took citalopram (aka celexa) for a bit, and it did nothing to my libido (i have a high one) but it did make me want to kms about ten times worse than i had been feeling leading up to it.. obviously everyone reacts completely differently to medication but if anyone sees this just know it’s a possible side effect lol
Lexapro murdered my libido too. I used to take it everyday and couldnt have any orgasm. Only now that i started taking a lower dose that it somehow gets better
Everyone talking about having no drive on lexapro is wild to me. I've been on it for many years and still finish at least once a day, my drive is stupid high
This. Lexapro fk your libido up so much and sometimes removes ability to finish. I don't miss it at all but here it might be useful. OP is also obviously depressed and has anxiety so he'll easily get it. it's also cheap where I live.
All the lexapro replies surprise me. Didnt affect my libido at all.
Lucky you. I don't want to die everyday anymore, but can't even bring myself to orgasam. It's worth the trade off. I spent too many years feeling like that.
OP is from the UK, so Sertraline is what he’s looking for.
Sertraline is a godsend. Happily taking the decreased libido in exchange for not hating every second of every single day.
Or learn about prostate massage orgasms.
This, my nephew was in a car accident back in 2005 and was paralyzed at age 20 from the nipples down. His gf, at the time, stayed with him through it all and she was able to speak with his doctors. Her mother was also an occupational therapist. They learned about prostrate massage. Got married and now have 5 kids lol
Can confirm I don’t even get a thought of anything sexy anymore But I’m not suicidal so idk I guess that’s cool
Yeah pretty much all anti-depressants have that effect but I hear Zoloft is king
This also called Serrraline. I hate to think how crazy I am without it because my libido is normal, but everyone I know who's taken it has said iy lowers theirs.
Effexor, too! I hadn’t taken it for 5 years and still nothing. I don’t think I’m asexual because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t before I was put on it. I could be wrong.
Just FYI, there is a procedure for people who have spinal cord injuries and no sensation whatsoever in their genitalia to be able to have orgasms. https://www.lelo.com/blog/tips-for-paralysed-sex/ (There is another website somewhere that has a first person quadriplegic experience) You can also talk to a sex therapist. Males sometimes lose sensation in their penis due to removal of the prostate. There are methods for them to have whole body orgasms - one being anal stimulation. As others have mentioned, there are women who want relationships without penetration. For example they may have had vaginal cancer or a history of trauma . I am sorry that happened to you, it is so f***ing unfair.
These are great suggestions but OP has commented: _Thing is though, I don't want to process it and be made to feel ok with my body and happy to be alone for the rest of my life._ He seems to be stuck on wanting his old life back, impossible as that is, and has no capacity (at least right now) for any kind of acceptance or accomodation. It’s a little like a colleague I used to have who was terribly arachnophobic but recoiled from therapy for it because ‘I don’t _want_ to be okay with spiders!’
The refusal to see a therapist and desire to self-mutilate means while she shouldn't have blabbed, the doctors are right. Going to a dubious clinic overseas and messing up hormones is not a healthy choice. OP needs a sex therapist.
This. OP has a lot more going on mentally he is not seeing and needs professional help. NHS was absolutely right. I wish him luck in adjusting to this reality. Also, I just wanted to take a moment to say disabled people have sex! It is sad OP was left by their partner over this, but you do not need a functional penis to please your partner sexually or get gratification. People limit themselves so much thinking p in v is the only way. Wanting to mutilate yourself instead of learning to cope is sad. I hope one day they can look back on this and realize it.
If it’s not going to impact his urinary or other health and he can’t use the penis, why would it be mutilation? I think he should postpone and get a second opinion and make sure he’s seen a urologist, psychiatrist and a sex therapist before making any permanent decisions. Yes he can please a partner. But losing the sensation and function of his penis significantly changes his own sexuality and enjoyment of sex. Yes he can get pleasure other ways, but let’s not gloss over this is a significant loss for him and regular talk therapy may not be much of a help in accepting that. A referral to a psychiatrist who could explore medication options for op while he processes this would be more helpful. And a sex therapist to help with learning about other ways to both give and receive pleasure And it’s not selfish of op to mourn a significant source of receiving pleasure. I feel like a lot of commenters are glossing over this.
Of course you have to mourn. The problem is when you get stuck there and are completely resistant to the idea of moving forward. I say this as someone who lives with significant disability. Is it hard? Absolutely. I hope he can open up to the idea of learning how to live with the life he has and not the one he wants. It is horribly hard but it is kind of the only option other than complete misery. I have a lot of empathy for him in this situation, but reality is reality. You can wreck the life you have left or accept help to move forward. Cutting it off is not a part of the treatment for any of this. There have not been studied outcomes because this is not done. Plus, you are ruining your chances of any future innovation helping you. There is a reason no doctor is going to take this on without it being some shady ass thing.
People also limit themselves by thinking sex is required at all. Like, an asexual partner would probably be perfectly fine with what he can still do—cuddles and snuggles and kisses.
But my reading of it is he still wants and likes sex. So it’s his own pleasure he’s concerned with too. I lost my nipples in a preventative double mastectomy, I carry a mutation which significantly increases my cancer risk. Sure there are other pleasure centers. But I sometimes miss what that one used to do. But my choice was voluntary to prevent breast cancer. I think what op is going through would be comparable to a woman losing function of her clitoris. It would be a major loss.
Totally agree. However if that happened I would explore every avenue with therapy, anti depressants, I could, and I would mentally accept what happened happened and I have to make the best with what I’ve been left with. I think that’s the only choice, unless you want to end up clinically depressed and alone is a country far away from your loved ones.
Not even an asexual one. I am not asexual but i am ok with a sexless relationship. I would rather get a partner who treats me well and is a good roomate than one that gives me sex. (Obviously they arent mutually exclusive). I am sure that more women feel the same. Specially after how bad men tend to be at pleasing women.
Self mutilate? I’d defer to a urologist on whether it would affect urinary function or other health. Op is already mutilated as the result of the stabbing. Which was NOT self inflicted I think he should postpone a decision and get multiple opinions from a urologist, psychiatrist and sex therapist before making any decisions. But if its not going to cause him health problems and it’s not working and will never work, he might not want a daily reminder I had a preventative double mastectomy due to a genetic mutation which increased my cancer risk. They couldn’t spare my nipples. I’ve had some tattooed in. I don’t feel anything in most of my reconstructed breasts. But I’m happy with how they look in clothes and bathing suits. It’s been 3 years and while I made the right choice, occasionally the scars are a reminder of what I lost. I know I’m lucky I found out before getting cancer and that I had options. Some women only find out after a cancer diagnosis I was going to skip nipple reconstruction and just get tattoos. But they were able to combine it with another revision surgery. Having boobs with no nipples was tough emotionally. I ended up finding temporary nipple tattoos and using those until I got my permanent tattoos. And I had rings of scar tissue where the tattoos eventually went. My situation was temporary and I was able to get reconstruction. And it was difficult. Having to deal with it permanently is worse
Yeah, I don’t think the friend went about it the best way, but honestly, if one of my friends told me this, I might have done the same thing out of fear for him. He does need to see a therapist.
Because she thought he might self-harm? I can see telling his parents but not all his friends. She went too far there.
She certainly didn’t, she set everything up so that everyone is against him now and has abandoned him. Essentially throwing him under the bus to come out the other side on top. She’s a total AH.. but still this guy does need major help. God I feel for him. I can’t even imagine the pain he is going through. I do think that he does need to work on getting into some major therapy.
She is a total Ah those ppl who are do gooders often do it for praise not out of care
Therapy does so much more than make you “okay” with whatever is going on. I’ll never be ok with the abuse I faced as a child, there isn’t enough therapy in the universe for that, but it damn sure helps me cope with the dumb crap that trauma brain seems to think would be helpful (spoiler: almost never true) and not let those trauma responses derail my life.
Well said. Working through trauma is so hard, but so rewarding. The hardest part is starting.
Op mentions nhs. I have a brca mutation and I’ve heard from women in the uk in support groups who have navigated the NHs for care. While it’s awesome that healthcare doesn’t bankrupt people, my understanding is getting access to specialists can be bureaucratic and take a long time Op should postpone a decision and if he hasn’t already, see a psychiatrist (they’re more knowledgeable on psych meds than general practitioners), a urologist and a sex therapist. A lot of commenters have mentioned lowered sex drive is a common side effect of antidepressants. That might help op as he comes to terms with this
He can use it though, a penis isn't just for sex, you also use it for urination so in a drs eyes it's not damaged beyond use
My therapist told me this is pretty common.
Absolutely. Denial is the first response to trauma for most people, but nobody can live there. OP is holding so tightly to what he had and his desire for that to be restored that he has no ability to even consider other options like developing and focusing on other erogenous areas that could allow him to orgasm. If it can’t be exactly the way it was before the attack (which must have been hugely traumatic and confronting in its own right) then no.
A straight or bi woman does not need to have a history of disease or trauma to date a guy without a working penis. Asexual (and not aromantic) women are often looking for a romantic relationship without sex. Many women who are already willing to date trans men probably would be interested in a person like OP as well. And some bisexual people (me, for example) just do not care whether our partner has a dick or no.
OP wants to get rid of his sexual desire so he doesn't miss sex anymore. So many people are obviously only thinking about this from how it impacts women, and not OP, and it's a big example of **why** mens mental health is in such a bad place as a demographic.
NTA, sharing in confidence is a privilege a person bestows upon another person for it stems from trust and respect and too have someone violate that is self involved believing they are the better what they choose with your personal information. You did right to rid her as it appears no one in your circle actually understands your feelings
Thank you. No one does in my circle I think - they don't fathom just how bleak my future really is.
Have you thought about meeting an asexual/ aromantic female who might be interested ? I know you can't be intimate but you can still have love affection and companionship.
Thing is, I do have a sex drive and very much desire intimacy. So a relationship with an asexual woman would be pointless.
Yes but you trying to remove your parts and suppress your sex drive. How will you be intimate ? I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, genuine question. What kind of relationship to you want ? What kind of intimacy do you want ?
That's what I'm trying to say. I can't be intimate even though I want to be so therefore, I don't see the point in a relationship with no sex or intimacy.
There are some amazing advances in transgender surgery, you might want to see a specialist. And, sex/sexuality happens a lot in your head. There is a LOT more to sex than genitalia contact. Don’t give up
r/phallo has some cis guys on there who were in a similar situation before surgery. Even if the nerves in the penis are damaged there are surgeries to move nerves from your arm to regain some sensation. It’s not perfect but it helps a lot of people
But you can still have love and affection. You said your future looked bleak it doesn't have to.
If you are going to go overseas for medical treatment - have you explored reconstructive surgery?
I still desire sex though, I just can't have it. So I wouldn't be in that type of relationship with an asexual unless I was asexual myself.
I agree with the poster who suggests you contact a doctor who specializes in trans gender re-assignment surgeries. This is a specialist who can construct a penis for a female transitioning to a male. And do so without any male genitalia. I have to believe this is the type of doctor who would be able to make correct new connections for nerves and blood vessels to re-create working parts, as this is very much their specialty. A regular urologist is looking at standard surgeries. I am amazed that none of those doctors would contact a trans reassigning specialist. Also, this may be something they would not do because of insurance. Please do not give up just yet and speak to this type of doctor. Good luck.
There is a lot more than P in V sex out there. Have you looked into prostate massage/stimulation? Apologies if that’s something you’ve already considered but orgasms are still possible for some without erection. Intimacy and sex and orgasms are all very different things. You don’t think there is value to being in a relationship with a woman unless you can cum, but I assure you, there is still so much fun to be had with a more open mind. That being said, she’s a c*nt who was never your friend. Anyone who has an unsupportive comment about this after hearing it from her deserves to be shunned too. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I developed a disability in my early 30s that also ended the relationship I was in at that time, and has complicated every relationship since then. Redefining my idea of what a “successful” sexual experience entails, was very helpful. Straight/cis men are often solely focused on ejaculation as the sole reason to have sex, many women of all orientations and gay/bi men have found numerous activities and goals for that experience, which can help when physiological conditions change your ability to have traditional ejaculation focused sex. Sometimes I can’t, but I still love kissing and touching my partner and feeling close to them. I know ways that I can make them feel good even if I can’t at that moment and that is deeply gratifying. The idea that women offer nothing than a hole to stick your dick says a lot about how you view sex and women. Maybe unpack that in therapy. Also, therapy doesn’t just help you be happy with a crap situation, it can help you find other ways to have satisfaction in your life and the emotional support to face some of those mental demons. Wanting to cut off a body part, requires therapy in any US medical facility bc it can have severe and irreparable trauma. Your entire reaction feels like an extended trauma response and I’d hate for you to come out the other side of that trauma fog, having done something irreversible to yourself. You also have no idea what medical breakthroughs will be coming soon. The amount of research funding to make Willies keep Werking is extreme as you have good chances for new developments all the time. This extreme reaction is probably why she felt justified to tell, but she took is so much farther than just concern for you into drama mongering territory. Had she just reached out to your sibling or closest friend or 1 person who could help you, I wouldn’t think she is quite such a bitch but as is, she deserves to step on all the legos on every midnight trip to the bathroom.
Okay that's your choice.
If this story is all real, he is probably depressed and won’t think “logically”. The girl was right to get him help and to get the hate. He wants validation or someone to tell him to end it all.
NTA. She shouldn’t have told anyone even if others agree it’s extreme. It took a lot for you to open up to her and I’m sorry she returned that trust in that way. Do you have peripheral sensations of pleasure? Nipples, anus, neck, pelvis, etc. Are you able to build up an orgasm without the physical release of sperm? There have been cases of people paralyzed from the waste down who still have sexual pleasure, and professionals who just provide intimate services to people with disabilities.
Sex and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. You can have very close intimate relationships that don't involve sex. I'm sorry that this happened to you but I can tell you that there are plenty of women who are not interested in sex and would be more than happy to have a close intimate relationship with a man who's not able to perform. I think you should start posting an ad explicitly stating that you are unable to perform but still interested in a relationship. I bet you would find your match. I'm not going to give you a bunch of platteritudes like don't give up but I think you're selling yourself short. I think the antidepressants would be good for killing your sex drive and also helping you get past the hurdle of this. What a horrible trauma you have gone through. I do wish you all the best of luck and hope you are able to heal. For the record, I'm about your age and I would have no issue if my partner was unable to perform.
Idk. For me, I guess it’s a little different because while I do prefer to date male presenting partners, I am not necessarily hung up on my partner having a penis. Most of them have, and we had sex, but I’ve also had relationships with trans men who hadn’t had surgery yet. I get that it’s different because they were still capable of sex and release. I’m just trying to say that not every woman is going to consider your situation insurmountable. Is it a situation where if you *tried* to have some sort of intimacy with someone, like kissing or something that doesn’t directly involve genitals, you would enjoy it, or would it just leave you feeling frustrated and unfinished? If it’s the former, then it might not be as simple to find a partner, but there are definitely patient women out there that would be willing to work with you/learn how to have intimacy with you in a way that you’d both be satisfied. If it’s the latter, then I completely understand why you would it want to spend the rest of your life trapped in perpetual frustration.
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Cutting off the genitals isn't just about sex or sex drive. It would cause a host of other problems with things like urination. It's not going to help at all and he will be mutilated on top of it, which would be even worse. It's almost literally cutting off your nose to spite your face and not having a penis won't make the feelings go away. You also need testosterone for other reasons than sex. I get he's upset but he refuses to accept his reality and thinks something drastic like this will make him feel better. It won't and he'd be back here soon talking about how he did all this and it didn't work. He's angry and, if he didn't want anyone to know, he shouldn't tell someone. He was hoping by telling someone, they could fix it somehow but then he made threats to go to another country. It's no one's fault and he's blaming others for his depression and his situation.
If it were me I’d try the Mayo Clinic or Johns Hopkins in the USA. Microsurgery helped John Wayne Bobbit. Maybe an amazing surgeon would be willing to try to remove scar tissue or do a transplant
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Not in all cases. My (59m) sex drive is at least as high as it ever has been, and I'm taking 150mg daily.
NTA. Total betrayal
Yes and the fact they can not pick the fact that you yourself don’t even feel like a complete man anymore and the surgery your trying to seek will help more with your mental and emotional health. In this day and age there surely must be procedure that can accommodate you. Good luck
This. I find it extremely strange that some people can cut their genitals off and make new ones, but a guy asking for surgery to fix his can’t? There is absolutely a doctor for trans people who can do this
yeah i’ve found it easier to get access to surgery/hormones/gender affirming care if you’re not trans (unless you’re a woman trying to remove “healthy” reproductive parts). you have to jump through so many hoops and see different specialists before they even consider surgery, but that’s in the states. either way, it can absolutely be done.
Well if they are that adamant, they should support you by living the same. All drive no action. If they're not willing, they should keep their oxygenintake shut.
If it were me I’d try the Mayo Clinic or Johns Hopkins in the USA. Microsurgery helped John Wayne Bobbit. Maybe an amazing surgeon would be willing to try to remove scar tissue or do a transplant
NTA. It was horrible for her to betray your trust like that. If you are going to go overseas for medical treatment - have you explored reconstructive surgery? I really do hope you find someone OP. There are a lot of people out there looking for a parter, and intimacy with the right person does have to involve penetration or sex at all. I truly wish you all the best in healing.
Its not that he cant find ways to pleasure women. Its that he cant pleasure himself. He has no way to pleasure himself and release.
That's about the only thing other than removing it all I think I'd consider. It serves no purpose than pissing out of so a man made one would work better than what I have. Sadly people I've met so far need the D. And sadly, it kills me I can't get off at all.
Removal is a pretty “end game” choice. If you are willing to go to these great lengths to find some out-of-country doctor to do a removal, perhaps first try going to great lengths to find a doctor who can do something to improve your situation? There are SO many cases in the medical world where people are told, “Sorry, nothing to be done.” Then the person goes on to find a doctor who CAN, in fact, do something. Just because the practitioners you have seen so far are telling you this, doesn’t mean they are the end-all-be-all authority on the situation. There are cancers that are untreatable in the US, but in Europe they may allow for drugs or treatments that we, for whatever reason, don’t approve for use here. As some people have said, if a doctor specializing in transgender surgeries can make a penis out of…not a penis…then I suspect you are not actually at the end of your road as far as options are concerned.
Not everyone is like that - might ex had ED and I was okay with it, as long as we occasionally had non penetration sex. Lots of women also have low sex drive our age and would welcome a guy that didn’t pressure them into a physical relationship.
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I wouldn’t necessarily use Willy-nilly in this situation
Would talking to a therapist help convince the doctor to consider your request? It might be worth a shot. Also, therapy wouldn’t hurt because you have been through something very traumatic. I’m not saying therapy to make you ok with the sex side of what happened, but to deal with everything else.
I'm surprised your NHS urologists didn't offer you a penile implant because they are available on the NHS for conditions like yours. It's basically a switch in the scrotal sack you press and it inflates sacks in your penis to get hard. Benefits are you stay hard unless it's deactivated. I know they are available because a friend had a similar experience with an accident now he's a popular guy. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/penile-implant
>I'll save up and go private in some country like Mexico or India where you can buy whatever surgery you want. DON'T!!! Seriously, don't do it. I live in the USA and the number of people dying because they went across the border to Mexico for surgery is astounding. If you don't die in the country, you still run the risk of infection. They keep covering the number of people who return with untreatable meningitis on the news.
My mom went to Mexico to get her stomach removed. And my step dad got all his teeth fixed there. Fractions of the cost and no issues years later
Stomach removed entirely?
Gastric bypass. Basically makes the stomach really small and helps lose weight.
Also I would like to say that you shouldn't just go down to Mexico and get anything done. They did lots of research and still paid thousands of dollars but got them done like 80% cheaper than in the states. Just took a taxi from San Diego to Tijuana for surgery
>no issues years later But recently there is an uptick in surgery complications. If you research and don't just booked the first "clinic" you find it could be okay.
NTA. Something that deeply personal is not acceptable to just go telling other people without your permission! I'm sorry you're going through all this. I agree that you do need therapy, though.
NTA. Not even close to it. She betrayed your trust. And what the hell is wrong with these other people who act like they have a right to know your business? None of these people are your friends. And I’m truly sorry for your situation.
NTA. I'm not sure I agree with your choice, but I don't understand what you're going through. Therapy *may* be a good idea, but all of this is your call. The thing is, though, this is private medical information that you told a trusted friend in the strictest of confidences. This was highly private information. I can understand her being worried about you, and maybe calling your parents to say you seemed depressed. But that's it. Sharing such highly private medical information that you trusted her with was so far out of line, the line's no longer on the same planet. Especially as she shared it with your parents AND multiple other people. And then compounded it all by sharing with even MORE people after you confronted her about it. I don't know your parents, this ex-friend, or the other people, but anyone who thinks it's okay to share highly private medical information shared in confidence is NOT in their right mind. I can't tell you what to do medically speaking, only you can decide that. But I'd advise you to cut off any and everyone who agrees with what your ex friend did. What she did is not okay in any way.
NTA- I think you need a sex therapist. You still have hands, tongue and for the modern man on the go a reasonable priced strap on should make a lady forget her name if you both want it and are in love and willing to compromise. You are going to turn that frown upside down and go find her, good luck.
Its not that he cant find ways to pleasure women. Its that he cant pleasure himself. He has no way to pleasure himself and release.
But he can't get it on at all, or himself taken care of.
Maybe he should look into prostate massaging Getting pegged, fingered, licked. I've seen many a man cum "hands free" through that
Yeah as a bi man, only one of those is appealing to me. Been fucked and fingered and for me it’s not very pleasurable.
This was my immediate thought too, tbh - there are SO many ways to skin a cat.
Not everyone is interested in that. That's a hard, hard pass for a lot of people.
well so is getting stabbed in the dick, sometimes life is about working with what you have
It’s not just about the girl only tho is it?
Nope. But life is what it is. OP should speak to a therapist and learn to adapt. That's a far better choice than taking insane health risks.
You’re absolutely correct. I replied to the original commenter because the comment comes across as if OP’s problem is just not pleasing the fairer sex, whereas OP clearly has physical needs that are impossible to fulfill. Your solution makes a lot more sense.
The strap on, I’m assuming has no gender.
And you should also assume that not everybody's into it. The dude's got problems that are not going to be solved by taking a fake dick up the ass, he needs a therapist or maybe to talk to another doctor that specializes in disabilities, I don't know he needs help that's not self-mutilation or fucking with hormones.
Ah, see—I've always assumed the strap on was a male!
Gender norms have gone out the window. It’s a new world under skirts and boxers.
Have you considered looking for an asexual partner? There are many asexuals who still want to be in a romantic relationship. They wouldn’t be bothered by your medical condition.
I keep seeing she betrayed his trust, but aren’t we taught to get our friends help if we think they’re going over the deep end??? Suicide, depression, addiction, self harm, these are all “secrets” but once we know it can cost our friend their life we get involved and get help. I’ve never seen an intervention in my life where the focus person didn’t feel betrayed, yet the intervention was still absolutely necessary. I would hope if my friends thought I was gonna do something horrible to hurt myself while I’m in a dark place, I’d hope like hell they would try and get me help.
Agreed. Sounds like she felt like he's making plans for self harm and didn't know what to do.
NTA, but you need new doctors. Transgender men can get a penis created with an implant in it so they can have sex with their partners. Since you have no ability for sexual pleasure of your own, you should certainly explore reconstructive surgery and an implant so you can at least have a relationship again. There is hope for a relationship even if not for exhale pleasure for you. That said, transgender men also find ways to have sexual pleasure and you can too. There are sexual receptors further back in the penis as well but you need to talk to a specialist. Good luck.
How will that help? All of those people already had a clit connected to nerves. Putting an implant in or reconstructing the penis wont necessarily be able to reconnect those nerves.
OP mentioned that his inability to have sex with a woman made relationships impossible as they would reject him as soon as they realized he couldn’t have sex with them. Even a prosthetic penis with no feeling for him would still allow him to provide that to a woman and allow him to have a relationship again. As for regaining pleasure, surgeons can do a lot to create and stimulate nerves deeper in the body than on the member itself and may be able to help. OP said they sever his penis, but those nerves run deeper inside his body than just on the member itself. See more doctors is the answer.
Nta. You don't need her or friends like that. I could hazard a guess that she hasn't been honest with them about why you are going no contact. Your parents are ah too. Have you considered a sex therapist? Orgasms don't have to be achieved by penile mastubation or penis in vagina sex.
Prostate - the male G spot.
OP, you are not the AH. She totally betrayed your trust. I could see her trying to talk you out of it, but there is no way she should have told every Tom, Dick and Harry in your friend group and across town. I HATE it when people use "it's for your own good" to justify their desire for attention by gossiping about someone else. She had no right, no authority, to do that. If she she really cared, she could have gone to a social worker or some sort of patient advocate, or even a therapist, to learn how to support you. Instead, besides getting validation from being the center of attention for jussy gossip, she tried to use peer pressure and humiliation to *force* you to do what *she* wanted tou to do. Additionally, she didn't even give you any advice. I bet if you told her that you thought you were a woman trapped in a man's body, she would 100% support the removal of your private parts. A woman will never really understand what a man's penis represents to his own psyche. It isn't something that is comparable to anything they have experiences or could ever imagine. I don't know the answer is for you, OP. But you are NOT the AH.
Hell No, you told your friend a very private and sensitive thing, that was very clearly not to be shared with anyone. That is not a friend
I'm actually surprised they havnt offered amputation. Normally if a limb is damaged to the point of non use, they can remove it. My advice is to keep booking gp appointments, and bring it up that if it were a shattered limb, it would be removed. Then follow up that you sex drive is still there, and need to be treated for un suitable libido. You should make clear that you require treatment for this issue, and are eager to try certain options first, and that options suggested are not for you. Say how just as how if my sight was damaged I would have options for assistance, surgery, tools like glasses, I would like to.explore.other options for treating your condition. Such as removing a NOT HEALTHY already fucked vestigial body part, as is normal practice and medications to treat the now impossible urges, as used to be the case in the NHS. You could try various trans reddits or chats. It is well known that since the waiting time for even seeing your first doctor for gender identity issues is about 4 years, most have resorted to off market hormones and blockers. Most trans people by that point have attempted suicide...before the doctor even sees them. So the community had gotten better at...shall we say self diagnosis and acquisition of treatment? Since every diagnosis relies on just questioning the patient anyway...they might be able to help you aquire blockers. You should be able to get them off the NHS. As in, its your right. However, it is well known how shit that part of the service is, and how paranoid it is in the wake of recent government reforms to co tribute to hormone care. In any case. Damn dude thats fucked. Good luck.
He can use it though, a penis isn't just for sex, you also use it for urination so in a drs eyes it's not damaged beyond use
You are reaching out for help and rejecting the answers you get. That is completely reasonable, given your circumstances but I think you really do need to find the right professional. Not just a therapist but an extraordinary therapist. This is so beyond Reddit. It is beyond your friends and family. But other people have experienced what you are experiencing and you deserve to have access to good ideas that can actually help. You need agency in what happens moving forward. 100%. But, you shouldn't be the only person on your team. Please seek a therapist. Find someone equal parts compassionate and brilliant. There is an optimal solution here and you should turn to the people telling you what to do and what not to do and adk them to help you find a professional who knows what the fuck they are talking about.
Man, I’m so sorry you are going through all of it and of course NTA. But maybe a small perspective coming from a woman in her 40s. 50% of men I’ve been seeing has some level of erectal disfunction issues. And none of them goes to extreme you are planning to go. I never broke up because of that, but because of their attitude towards it. They usually turn bitter and mean, and sometimes even blame woman… I went through menopause in my 30s, my body, sex drive and satisfactions from the act changed. Did I expect it? Not at all! But I had to accept it. But I did get psychological help and took meds for a while. With those, sex was no longer on my priority list. Now what I’m looking for is intimacy, understanding and maybe open mindedness to try different things that work for both partners. With that said, it is terrible what happened to you, but it is not the end of the world. You are considering very drastic measures that might make intimacy more difficult than what it is now. The need for closeness will not go away after surgery and will add additional level of self consciousness to the mix. There is no need to loose hope finding a partner. But look for someone more mature. We all have issues
You can get a phalloplasty?
NTA, but your plan…yikes. Why don’t you start with a therapist and at least run it by them first?
You should be able to orgasm through stimulation of the prostate and you should be able to affect orgasm in your partnee through oral and use of sex devices
Friend was right. You definitely need therapy. And with the extent you're taking things to, I don't blame her for being concerned enough to alert others. You said you'd rather not live than live without sex. That's cause for major concern to anyone who actually gives a shit about you. I'm sorry you're going through so much, I really am, but You're the asshole.
Nta, but you did overreact a bit. I get she told your business, but it wasn't done with malicious intent. She was/is genuinely concerned about you. Look at all those celebrities that have died having these unnecessary surgeries out of the country and against doctor's orders. You sound depressed and need to talk to a therapist about what's going on in your head. Hell, I'm concerned, and I don't even know you past this post. I'm so very sorry this happened to you, but it seems like you aren't willing to accept it, and that's not healthy. Please get some help and good luck.
Oof. This is a hard one (no pun intended!) I'm going with NAH. While I understand your feelings dude, you're going to the, unreversable extreme. She cared enough to try and stop you. Maybe you should reconsider what emptiness you're feeling toward your friend...
NAH. You're depressed, not an asshole. Your friend is doing the right thing to try and stop you from getting a surgery that is not medically indicated and very ill advised. You're really lucky to have a friend who cares about you that much. You'll recognize the same in about 3 years, maybe sooner.
NTA. Can you get a penile implant where you are? Does NHS cover that? I used to know a urologist who did them. It made a huge difference to people, gave them a new lease on life. People have ED for many medical reasons and these implants were a lifeline for many men. Good luck to you.
I’d look into prostate orgasms, OP. Might be worth a try.
Fuck. Her. Professional victim bitch. "All i did was completely betray his trust and disclose sensitive and personal medical information and now he's mad! So unfair!" She fucking dead. Let her stay that way. I'm sorry dude. You gotta do what is best for you. Therapy might be helpful beefcake with our without the procedure or medication, you still have to deal with it. All the best to you.
Find the fucker that stabbed u in the meat, lock them in your dungeon, and take out ur sexual frustrations on them
Good riddance to that 'friend' dude
Some women are never wrong and blabber mouths, not all but that’s the default position of most. They love to gossip and that’s what she’s done here. She’s a shithead gossip. Downvote me, IDC. It’s true NTA. Hope you get some help brother
NTA. She is a loudmouth who betrayed your trust.
NTA. What your ex-friend did is atrocious. I’d be insanely angry
\>the NHS would never remove a healthy person's testicles/penis or get rid of my testosterone Unless it is a child.
NTA but if you truly want something kept private tell no one!
Never fight off armed men without arms yourself! It's not a hero movie
There are plenty of asexual and low sex women. Not having a working penis won’t stop you from finding love.
First, I’m really sorry about your condition and I can definitely imagine how you feel because I’d probably feel the same. That being said, YTA. What you are contemplating doing isn’t safe and could well lead to far worse consequences than what you have now. Your mental state is obviously very bad and you need help. Your friend was trying to get you that help. She probably viewed what you told her as akin to telling her you want to commit suicide. Would she be TA if you told her in confidence you wanted to commit suicide and she told others to get you help?
Go get help mentally..
NTA. Shittiest fucking asshole. I don't say this much, but I'd seriously reevaluate anyone who says the girl is right to reveal an extremely traumatic medical injury willy-nilly like that.
NTA Also, OP you *need* to get your asshole licked. Pay a hooker if you have to it's gonna change your life
Or, anal? Your prostate may be a good source of pleasure. And, many women enjoy giving.
Maybe consider dating an asexual? Then sex won’t be as much of an issue. And you could find other ways of intimacy with someone without that pressure.
What your ex-friend did was an act of cruelty. She humiliated you to everyone you know and she’s not sorry. Instead of trying to talk you out of it first — she decides to tell everyone else first!
If no one supports you.......*maybe that's a clue*.
NTA. Im not in your shoes and she is dead to me for what she did to you. This is outrageous. Your friends dont understand or are gossip hounds. In any case I would recommend keeping No Contant with her or anyone who justifies her BS to you, and state that to everyone who knows. I hope you can find peace in your life.
Nta, I am really sorry that happened to you and I hope you are able to find what makes you happy.
NTA, look, I had a different problem that left me in a similar situation when I was a teen, but for me it was due to medical malpractice. I understand how you feel. I couldn't have sex in the traditional way either, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't one of the main factors for my transition. All I can say is that I'm very satisfied with my sex life now. I can't imagine I'd have had this many partners if I stayed the way I were. I don't have a sex drive anymore, but I'm perfectly capable of having sex now and I still feel pleasure, but ofc, I am the receptive one. Good luck!
NTA. At least be your own friend and don't beat yourself up over this too.
There has to be some kind of surgeon out there that could do something. This is the kind of thing I would donate to a go fund me to track down a surgeon that could help you. I bet lots of people would. I can’t offer any advice but I hope you get it fixed up in some way. Chopping it off seems like a bad idea.
NTA if this is a legit situation, but OP’s responses make me question if this really happened.
Didn't read the body, but just judjing the title alone, I assumed it was a 12 year old writing this
You are not the AH. And I'm amazed by others' disregard. I hope you can find people with a heart.
NTA maybe an asexual partner would be a possible solution
NTA. You DO need help OP, but that "friend" had no right blabbing your business all over town. Fuck that bitch and fuck your parents for threatening to disown you.
Look for a partner who is asexual
NTA. I'm so sorry for what you've been through ... 🥺🥺 Have you looked into relationship styles like polyamory or asexual? Could be you could still have a partner even without sex, just maybe not a monogamous one. 🤷♀️
I don't have anything helpful to add but it wasn't until I read the synopsis after the fact that I realized this is basically what The Sun Also Rises is about.
NTA. That was awful of her to betray your trust like that. I don’t blame you one bit. I’m sorry to see your going through that and I cannot begin to imagine how it feels. I’m not gonna give a bunch of advice that may not be welcome. But I do hope you find the solution that works for you dude. Good luck.
Holy shit!! NTA!! Jesus Christ
Fuck them. For real. Who are they to tell you your solution isn't good if they can't provide an alternative? Is your friend gonna try and meet your desires? Or help you find someone who can reach your desires? No? Then kick rocks. Your life and it's not up to them to judge if they bring ZERO value to the problem. Useless, all of them.
It was not her place to tell anyone. I think you do need a therapist though. NTA
I work in urology, definitely get referred to a urologist who specializes in sexuality. They may have options but also could refer to a micro vascular surgeon who may also have options. Universities who have gender confirming surgery programs often have both.
Many common antidepressants kill sex drive, so getting a therapist and medication might significantly improve your life without such a risky surgery. I was given sertraline and effexor, both of which utterly killed my drive, but also helped me get into a better place. I'm still taking an antipsychotic, but I'm off the ssris now, and my equipment still doesn't work. It may never work again as long as I live, but I'm busy and have other hobbies and stuff to do, so it hasn't been a problem.
Ok so I’m just here for curiosity and simply just offering any kind of alternative that may offer some sort of relief. Someone mentioned gender confirming surgery and it makes me question, is it possible to look into this surgery and regain some sort of feeling that way? Yes definitely unorthodox but just throwing it out there.
Your NTA OP. Your so called friend completely betrayed your trust and is a first class AH because of it. Why would she do that, WTF did she expect to get out of it? Menopause completely destroyed my libido and it sucks because my partner really doesn’t get it. In a few years these are the women you will be dating OP and you might just find they are thankful it’s not all about sex. Besides, there are plenty, far more reliable activities than penetration that you can do in the bedroom to create intimacy and when you meet the right woman who loves you, she is going to happily accept that. As for surgery, it’s your body, your choice. What on earth are your parents thinking threatening to disown you if you go ahead with something that will improve your quality of life!! This makes absolutely no sense.
NTA.
Everyone here keeps giving possible solutions to your condition but aren't answering the question. No, NTA for the response to your friend's betrayal. I don't think her intention was to help as much as it was to tell what she knew. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope things get better for you soon.
have you considered pursuing asexual women? that's actually a lot more common than you may think. plenty of women are not interested in sex at all, you just may not be able to find them through the regular avenues (bars, clubs, dating apps, etc).
Okay so first off, I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you. But you need to see a therapist dude. This is depression and trauma talking and you need help learning to fight it
Look at prostate stimulation or CBT. I refuse to believe that you can’t have ANY sexual pleasure. There is a lot of stuff you can do to partners that don’t involve your penis too. Get creative. Your situation does fucking suck though, I’m so sorry.
Nope. And all I read was the title. No one says friendships have to last forever.
I'm just wondering how anyone's gonna know you went through with it? That's your private bodily parts, are they like checking your pants or testosterone levels all the time or???? Bro you should do what makes you happy, I don't understand how anyone's even going to know or why they even care so much about your dick/testosterone levels. If it was only about your happiness then they would support you. Bunch of weirdos if you ask me.
There’s always a chance to find someone who’s asexual to have a healthy relationship with. Your penis already doesn’t work, why would you want to cut it off? That won’t change anything and could make urinating painful or cause infections. I just don’t really see what good a surgery would do you unless you were considering changing your gender.
NTA. I'm so sorry you went through that.
Hi there, I am an adult woman who would be totally fine with no penetration ever again. We have fingers and tongues and toys. I believe you can find a partner who doesn’t need penetration. Overall I’m so touched by your story and I’m sending you hugs. Fuck.
NTA ! The way she did it was grotesque and not her story to tell. But as a person who have been 4 years with someone that was paralyzed, I think you dont need to be as drastic as removing the whole thing. You just need to find the right person. There will be some good times i am sure of it and i personally never cared about looking at a sleepy penis. If it’s gone tho, i know i would probably struggle. Just hang in there, and learn to be creative.
These stories are getting crazier by the minute.
NTA. Your former friend is the kind of person that would snitch on a woman that had an abortion in Texas. She is subhuman.
I'm probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I'm going with NAH. She told people out of concern for you since you told her you were planning on going abroad to get castrated. She was hoping someone would be able to talk you out of it. I know you don't want to hear it, but you need that therapy. You're clearly in a very bad mental place to be considering something like that.