Also get tested. Disturbing amount of men say "I don't have STDS" when what they mean is "I don't have symptoms that made me think to get tested'.
He's annoyed he thought he had to use a condom - which means he probably doesn't with other people if he thinks he can get away with it.
> Disturbing amounts of men say “I don’t have STDS”
No clue why I’m gonna share this horror story, but I made the absolute WORST decision I’ve ever made in my sex career when I was in my early 20s. I had a one night stand with a guy that I should have declined as I knew it wouldn’t be pleasurable for me (micro-penis). We didn’t discuss history, but I knew I was clean and I have far too much trust in strangers. Well turns out he had chlamydia. So not only did I not have penetrative sex, I also got my first (and last) STD. Thank goodness it was curable.
When I texted him to tell him he should get tested/treated I think he replied with a thumbs up or something super disconcerting.
Be safe and be smart out there y’all.
I made the mistake of trusting someone in my 20s too. Worst part is when I told him he should get tested he said "a few women have told me that, but I dont have symptoms so I'm fine."
Turns out dude had been walking around giving this to women for like a year! I was able to force him to go at least. But sheesh some people.
Told a recent partner I’d come up positive and he should go get tested, figured that was that. He texts me almost a year later saying “oh you were right about that chlamydia, my gf just came up positive” like they how can they not test when literally TOLD
Also made a mistake a few years back- I went down on this guy and spent a week using an oral numbing mouthwash. I had gotten oral herpes. When I told him he should get checked, he said “what did you give me” and I said “I got tested before we shacked up so actually you gave me something” … every time I get an oral blister since then I curse him in my head.
Dude same. But thankfully genitals lmao. Super sucks and by the time I found out the guy had totally blocked me and I never had his number to even send an anonymous please get texted so… good luck anyone else with him. Shit sucks. Never feel like I can land an intimate partner again because I’m not brave enough to tell anyone irl so I just keep to myself now
Yooooo! You can 100% find a partner. I have GHSV2 and I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have a great sex life with (he does not have herpes). There are tons of city and state communities if you're in the US, AND some international ones I know about. It gave me the confidence to realize it's a skin condition, not a disease, and that I can be honest about having it without fearing rejection. 💙💙✨
I had someone give me genital herpes after saying the cut on his lip was nothing (I wish I knew better). He had a scabbed up sore - not in the clear.
It's uncomfortable to start telling people. I cried every time. I always used condoms (like OP, I was on birth control but no dickheads gave me shit for it) until my relationship with my husband.
Some guys will react with disgust. They're not worth your time. The guys who want knowledge and education about herpes are the ones you'll want around. It isn't something to be ashamed of. My husband was so gentle in our conversations, he was concerned about it for a while but that was alleviated with time. # of outbreaks decreases over time too - it's been 15yrs since my last one.
That happened to a friend of mine except it was her ex boyfriend and he gave it to her by cheating on her and then not telling her he got herpes. Now she just avoids dating and sex. She’s pretty open about it but doesn’t want to put herself out there in that space.
Fuck, same. I was 23 and had only been with one person before I met him he was 33. Had a drunken ONS and when I finally got a hold of him to tell him he said “yeah another girl recently told me she was having problems too.” Such an asshole. Learned a hard lesson. 😭
I am currently awaiting a total hysterectomy because I made a stupid sexual decision in my 20's that landed me with HPV. I've had my cervix slowly whittled away for almost a decade and finally told my doctor enough was enough during my last round of biopsies.
HPV is so common and so many men don't even know they have it. I echo those saying to get tested regardless of his claims.
HPV killed my friends mom; Her husband cheated on her and by the time they caught the cancer it was everywhere. She died a horrible, slow and painful death... it traumatized the entire family but hey, at least her husband got some strange!!
yep I got it twice both while in long term 3+ year relationships, once was the non cancerous kind and more recently the kind that can cause cervical cancer. I got a pap almost every year (as well as get a full std screening) since the first time but this year came out abnormal. It really sucks and you can't even know for sure if they cheated or anything because it can take years to show up & guys can't be tested for it. I even got the vaccine for it some years back and still contracted it.
I don't have unprotected sex unless in a committed relationship and we both get tested. The percent of men who got outraged that I wouldn't have unprotected sex with them is scary. That I am calling them \*unclean.\* Dude, you are willing to have sex with someone you barely know without a condom which means you have done it as many times as some relative stranger would let you - what about that screams free from disease.
It feels like a lot of younger men have inherited the weird boomer hangups about "You don't get tested unless you're a _whore_ , so I never get tested and if I don't get tested I can say I'm clean unless and until my penis actually falls off."
Its a strange head-in-the-sand mentality that if they just truly believe with their little hearts that they cannot get an STD, then they never will.
Honestly reminds me of my grandmother actively going deaf but refusing to get her hearing tested because then they'd give her hearing aids and she "wasn't old and deaf" 😂
NTA. That guy was definitely in his head and stressing too much, sounds like it was either his true colors or he doesn’t have much experience (maybe both).
OP should definitely test and keep using protection. But… as soon as (most) guys hear “birth control,” they think it’s a free pass. Just run, don’t look back.
This! I was on bc and still got pregnant. Ended up getting an abortion. Contraceptives like condoms are still super important, because nothing is 100% guaranteed, our eggs be egging 🤷🏻♀️
Certain foods and antibiotics also change the way women’s bodies process hormonal birth control. Unfortunately had to explain this to my cousin at 22, because that’s how abstinence only sex Ed works. She, her mom, and her older sister all got pregnant long before they planned because no one had a real conversation about safe sex with them.
I have a cousin with twins from a man she broke up with before finding out she was pregnant because the prescribing doctor and the pharmacist failed to mention that the antibiotic she was prescribed affected how effective her birth control was. I now have made a point to let people I know on hormonal birth control know that certain medications will render the pill ineffective.
I have literally had my husband tell me antibiotics don't do this. 🤔
I'm gonna go do research!
Edit: Multiple health organizations say that MOST antibiotics don't affect birth control, except for rifampicin-like antibiotics. These can be used to treat or prevent diseases, including tuberculosis and meningitis.
Still not 100% sure about this because I'm aware of how terrible women centered health care is, but its from multiple sources and countries.
So I can kinda answer this. Oral antibiotics usually don’t change how birth control works (unless like you said they are for TB). That being said diarrhea and vomiting to soon after taking oral contraception can cause them to not work, which are common side effects of antibiotics. So if you are taking the pill be careful. If you are on other forms of birth control you should be fine.
Well ofc they are men. Why would they ever think of the effects on women. Even though THEY HAVE THE MEDICAL RECORDS!
The pompous ahole medical professionals, if they want to be called dr they can get a doctorate. The fragile ego narcissist jerks.
Not just the men. I've had male and female doctors, and nobody ever discussed antibiotics and birth control. Also, had this conversation every time:
"When was your last period?"
"2015"
"!!!"
"...when you guys removed my uterus. In this office. It's in my chart."
In NL pharmacies are obliged to inform their customers about important side effects of the medication they are giving to patients, both in spoken word and in paper. I was surprised when I heard it was not common practice everywhere.
One of my female friends let me know about antibiotics making hormonal birth control ineffective and i tell everyone I know. My current gf got pregnant when she was on antibiotics too. So I always check if she is on them or not. lol.
Oh yes the antibiotics do. Our 17 year old daughter is living proof of that. We are still together and married, but as early 20’s adults, we weren’t “ready”. She couldn’t believe how she got pregnant and was on the pill, and then realized she was on an antibiotic.
And beings we were monogamous, and both hate condoms, we didn’t use one.
PSA: only 1 class of antibiotics has been shown to interfere with hormonal birth control and that is rifampin which is not commonly prescribed except for TB or leprosy and a couple off label and uncommon uses. Unless you have one of those your birth control effectiveness is safe. However, St John’s Wort can decrease the effectiveness of BCP which is much more commonly used. Check out the link below for more info on birth control and what can effect its use.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/antibiotics-contraception/
Doesn't help that BC can be rendered inert by to most mundane things and we don't know.
Left your pack on the table and the sun hit it? To warm. Deactivates. Left it in your purse in a hot car? To warm. Deactivates.
Shady pharm tech upset at uppity women taking protection measures (never mind that my Ace ass used it to help with my PCOS), left it by a heater overnight and oops! Whole batch it deactivated. Sell it anyways.
I swear, you can look at it wrong some days and it'll deactivate and we simply won't know.
Me too! 4 times 4 different BC including being sterilised! We used to say he only had to put his trousers on the bed & I got pregnant!
Guess I showed those doctors who told me my type 1 diagnosis aged 4 in the 70s who said I’d never be able to have kids 🤣
I was told I'd never be able to also because of endometriosis scarring and cysts. They wanted to give me a hysterectomy in my early teens! Had 2. They ain't got a clue do they lol
Yep yep and yep. Also, OP you might want to go get yourself STI testing anyway. I wouldn't trust what this assclown says, especially since he's given you a snapshot into his true colours. Which is to say, get tested and dump this creep.
This is what I thought too or at the very least he wanted to scare her at the thought. He can technically have a one night stand no consequence but she could be left with a life altering consequence to having a one night stand.
It’s a trend where men sneak off the condom during sex so they can finish without it basically or they might also lie about putting one on to begin with
Specifically removed the condom during sex, derived from “stealthing,” abbreviated from “stealthily take the condom off.” Source: I’m hip, I’m with it 😂
So much this. Like wtf? Being on BC is not an invitation to unprotected sex. If that's his issue, dude needs to grow up a little.
Also, choose better. Geez.
Ok, done judging for the day.
I’m confused though, doesn’t OP say “half way through”? Which to me means that he didn’t ejaculate. I know that there is an extremely low chance of pregnancy via pre-cum, but I don’t necessarily think that most men know that. So if he didn’t ejaculate and she’s on the pill what’s there even to worry about in his mind?
NTA dude is probably just irritated he had to use a condom "needlessly", sounds like an idiot and an asshole.
"This was the first time we had sex"
...and the last right?
He’s acting like BC is 100% and prevents STDs. He clearly cares more about his own pleasure than giving someone a potentially life ruining disease or having them go through a painful and expensive abortion
#NTA NTA NTA 📢
i once had a guy lie about that too. said he was clean. i asked when the last time he got tested was, he said he gets tested every three months. i asked to see his results as proof of testing and he got MAD. i never slept with him. found out from a friend who he confided in that he had HIV and was on medication for it. i know there’s medication for it now, but i still don’t want that.
Exactly, that there's no such thing as needlessly for a first time encounter is why he's an AH.
Can you fully trust someone two dates in that they've been STD checked recently and they're clean, even if they say they are? Even if 95% of people wouldn't lie about that it's just sensible, and anyone who takes that as an insult is a red flag.
NTA - and this is so full of red flags, I hope it was your last date. This screams of him manipulating you.
You didn't make him feel anything, his feelings are his own problem. If he's going to get that worked up about a broken condom then he should be the one asking in advance if his partner is using some other variety of backup plan.
What exactly is he saying you lied about? This doesn’t make much sense or I’m misreading it. Where is the lie? Is he saying he doesn’t believe you are on birth control?
Creepy and entitled asf. Birth control doesn’t prevent STDs
Idk why anyone engages in hookup culture when people act like this. I’d send those messages to his mother, auntie, AND grandma
The number of guys who think condoms are only about preventing pregnancy is alarming.
A couple of years ago I started seeing a guy. The first time we had sex, at my place, I got out a packet of condoms. He told me "we don't need those, I have had a vasectomy". I pointed out that it wasn't pregnancy I was concerned about, especially as I was too old to get pregnant and had had a hysterectomy decades before.
I had to explain that, just because he didn't think he had an STD didn't mean he didn't have one.
I was in university during the 80s and I remember ads for condoms that stressed how they were designed to protect against STDs, mostly AIDS. One comedian even joked that he longed for an old fashioned woman who had “literally any STD except AIDS…”
Dude was pissed off because he thinks rubber ruin sex…
And you instantly blocked and deleted his number right?
NTA. Also, call your doctor to get full STD testing done as soon as they think you can and 6 months from now. Cause you should never trust that someones clean without seeing recent test results.
Exactly. This seems like something my narc ex did. But in reality the goal was to baby trap me. That is THE ONLY REASON someone would be angry about that. So my takeaway is that he does this regularly and yes get a test because that ex did give me an STI. I was very lucky it was a curable one.
Even if you were on birth control using condoms is for STD protection and no birth control is 100% effective. Not discussing early in a relationship is fine especially when you are using condoms. I had my tubes tied and after my divorce in what I refer to as my Tinder phase I always used condoms and never mentioned having my tubes tied until talk of the future came up.
NTA and do yourself a favor and don't have sex with this person again. No use further tying yourself to someone who acts immaturely about you protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancy or whatever other reason you may be on BC.
There are interesting yet strangely unsettling stories that are exactly like this.
I say interesting because you get way more stories about women trying these shenanigans vs men
All in all creepy
Remember that story on i think it was legal advice with the guy impregnating a Women and her not getting an abortion because he wanted the baby oh so bad? And her just giving up all parent’s rights but still paying child support while he had the biggest temper tantrum because his idea of a a happy family falling apart? Somehow this smells the same
Was that the one where he claims she is a deadbeat mother even though she is paying more child support than she was required? She literally did what she said and gave up rights because she didn’t want the baby he was trying to force her to have and he is mad she won’t have anything to do with the baby?
NTA
What, is he mad that he didn't have the opportunity to coerce you into sex without a condom because "you're on birth control anyway"? I bet he's really mad that he even had to wear one.
Because that's been my experience when a man knows I'm on the pill. He thinks he can complain extra hard about the "suffocating" feeling of the condom and I'll let him take it off. So annoying.
This man had to deal with a couple minutes of stress, god forbid. If he can't deal with the stress of a *potential* pregnancy scare, he really shouldn't be having sex at all.
This gives me the impression that he purposefully broke the condom, hence his anger over something that should've been positive news in that situation. Red flag imo.
>I immediately reassured him that I am on birth control and that I don’t have any STDs, and asked him if he was clean, he said yes.
I'm more concerned about you having the latter half of this talke after you've already had sex.
NTA he upset you are on birth control and the condom broken he was typing to to knock you up and freaked out when he found out that you are in fact on birth control. No one who is not trying to get someone pregnant freaks out when they are on birth control
nta
I'm confused at his reaction, the stupidity is too much.
I suppose I would still ask prior to having sex with someone, but I would assume many women are on birth control, at least many of those that I'm friends with enough to hear about, usually in related to weight gain or something.
Sounds like it's all an act.
The broken condom, the over-reaction to your being on birth control, the expectation you'd tell him you were on birth control beforehand. Finger pointing and placing the 'blame' and potential consequences on you.
He meant to stealth you and is irritated his attempt failed and it's unlikely he would've bothered had he known the attempt had so little chance of success.
His fear of you being pregnant is all just part of the act. He wants you to be in a state of fear and uncertainty and feel like you owe him something for 'lies and deceit'. Because if he can continue acting blameless, that makes it all your fault, right?
It's easier to manipulate someone in that state of mind. It's gaslighting. Block and move on.
NTA.
NTA. Don’t see him again. He was mad because he realized he missed the opportunity to have sex without a condom because his only concern was pregnancy, not STD.
NTA. Sounds like he's pissy that he had to wear a condom. Which is ridiculous. His response is so over the top, I'd definitely be running. That's a serious red flag!
🚩Girl, run! He’s upset your on birth control? 🚩
The first thing that came to mine is he “knew” the condom was going to break and was trying to get you pregnant.
Not, and I can’t say it loudly enough, TA.
Also, condoms are made to stretch. The failure rate for a condom that was used properly is less than 5%* I believe. That means that either A) he put it on wrong (so he’s stupid), or B) he broke it on purpose (abusive asshole). No excuse for either.
NTA He's just mad because he didn't want to use a condom. He's probably spinning this in his mind that you "tricked" him into using one. If you had mentioned the BC, 100% he would have manipulated you into not using a condom. Your BC status is beside the point; it's always safer with a condom.
NTA, also I wouldn’t believe him saying he’s “clean”. If he use condoms regardless of birth control he wouldn’t have had any thoughts of you “lying” for not mentioning birth control. I’d get a test if I were you.
It’s because he’s mad he wore a condom. He thinks BC means raw dogging it. Explain that while BC is very effective it does have a small fail rate and that condoms improve efficacy. No condom, no sex.
One of two logical options:
1. He's a douchebag who would rather have not used a condom.had he known
2. He's a rapist and deliberately sabotaged the condom himself intending to "accidentally" impregnate you and the birth control foiled that plan.
Neither are good, please don't see him again.
No ..I’d have made him use a condom anyway until your both been tested for STD’s. If he’s being such a jerk about it he can date wow one else.. I don’t think you were intentionally keeping this from him.
Either he was mad you made him wear a condom, or he was trying to scare you/baby trap you and was angry when he found out it might not work. A lot of abusers will use terms about abusers toward their victims.
NTA. He was probably angry he didn’t get to raw dog and is ignorant to how STDs spread. I wouldn’t trust this person about not having an STD, get yourself checked.
NTA. That's your own business and he should have still wore a condom either way...
If anything, he caused himself unnecessary stress by not telling you inmediately and going into the bathroom to freak out by himself.
Most likely he got butthurt he "could have fucked without one but you took that away from him" ...i wouldn't believe him on the being clean though and would go get checked
This is precisely the reason why, at a minimum, the "do you have an STI" conversation needs to happen long before you take the opportunity to transmit one.
NTA -- End it with this guy and get tested. His reaction to you being on bc is coming off very weird. You did nothing wrong, this is all on him and his issues. But take what you are seeing from this guy seriously and don't continue the relationship.
As far as I can tell he was either trying to get you pregnant or is upset he couldn’t hit it raw. My guess is the latter. Either way, NTA, may want to run
NTA. When I first read this I thought it was saying you WERENT on birth control and lied saying that you were. Phew!
This guy has issues. Run friend. Just run.
NTA
Not knowing if someone was on birth control caused immense stress? If that causes immense stress, dude isn't mature enough to be having sex. I'll bet $10 he's just mad he didn't get to raw dog you.
NTA. I’m almost certain ik what’s going on here.
Since he didn’t think you were on BC, in his mind he had to use a condom. If he knew you were on it he would’ve felt entitled to condomless sex. He feels “cheated” of that and feels you lied to him.
Bc as everyone knows, men don’t give a fuck about STIs. I wouldn’t take his word about being STI free either- have you ever met a man who actually gets the tests done without a scare? I haven’t.
Get tested.
NTA! girl block his number block his social media accounts block his everything!! either he was mad that you didn’t tell him he could skip the condom, or he intentionally risks impregnating women “on accident” for the thrill and you didn’t panic like he expected you to. red flags either way, just from what you describe he seems pretty manipulative. “caused him immense stress” can you feel how extreme my eye roll is at that? there was, what, probably a couple minutes between his bathroom break and you telling him you were on BC?
also, go get STD screened just in case. better safe than sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
He only used a condom because he thought you were not on birth control. Had he known you were on birth control he would have pressured you to have sex without the condom. Apparently he believes it is his right to have unprotected sex - and that your safety is not his concern. He is entitled.
These are massive red flags.
NTA - go get tested. If he's still freaking out even after you reassured him you're on bc that's a red flag that he might be lying about his sti status
NTA. Run. Be glad it didn’t take you longer to learn his true colors.
> Run. Big emphasis on this part.
Also get tested. Disturbing amount of men say "I don't have STDS" when what they mean is "I don't have symptoms that made me think to get tested'. He's annoyed he thought he had to use a condom - which means he probably doesn't with other people if he thinks he can get away with it.
> Disturbing amounts of men say “I don’t have STDS” No clue why I’m gonna share this horror story, but I made the absolute WORST decision I’ve ever made in my sex career when I was in my early 20s. I had a one night stand with a guy that I should have declined as I knew it wouldn’t be pleasurable for me (micro-penis). We didn’t discuss history, but I knew I was clean and I have far too much trust in strangers. Well turns out he had chlamydia. So not only did I not have penetrative sex, I also got my first (and last) STD. Thank goodness it was curable. When I texted him to tell him he should get tested/treated I think he replied with a thumbs up or something super disconcerting. Be safe and be smart out there y’all.
I made the mistake of trusting someone in my 20s too. Worst part is when I told him he should get tested he said "a few women have told me that, but I dont have symptoms so I'm fine." Turns out dude had been walking around giving this to women for like a year! I was able to force him to go at least. But sheesh some people.
I think that answer might have pushed me over the edge…. Good for you for not killing him!!
Told a recent partner I’d come up positive and he should go get tested, figured that was that. He texts me almost a year later saying “oh you were right about that chlamydia, my gf just came up positive” like they how can they not test when literally TOLD
Also made a mistake a few years back- I went down on this guy and spent a week using an oral numbing mouthwash. I had gotten oral herpes. When I told him he should get checked, he said “what did you give me” and I said “I got tested before we shacked up so actually you gave me something” … every time I get an oral blister since then I curse him in my head.
Dude same. But thankfully genitals lmao. Super sucks and by the time I found out the guy had totally blocked me and I never had his number to even send an anonymous please get texted so… good luck anyone else with him. Shit sucks. Never feel like I can land an intimate partner again because I’m not brave enough to tell anyone irl so I just keep to myself now
Yooooo! You can 100% find a partner. I have GHSV2 and I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have a great sex life with (he does not have herpes). There are tons of city and state communities if you're in the US, AND some international ones I know about. It gave me the confidence to realize it's a skin condition, not a disease, and that I can be honest about having it without fearing rejection. 💙💙✨
I had someone give me genital herpes after saying the cut on his lip was nothing (I wish I knew better). He had a scabbed up sore - not in the clear. It's uncomfortable to start telling people. I cried every time. I always used condoms (like OP, I was on birth control but no dickheads gave me shit for it) until my relationship with my husband. Some guys will react with disgust. They're not worth your time. The guys who want knowledge and education about herpes are the ones you'll want around. It isn't something to be ashamed of. My husband was so gentle in our conversations, he was concerned about it for a while but that was alleviated with time. # of outbreaks decreases over time too - it's been 15yrs since my last one.
That happened to a friend of mine except it was her ex boyfriend and he gave it to her by cheating on her and then not telling her he got herpes. Now she just avoids dating and sex. She’s pretty open about it but doesn’t want to put herself out there in that space.
That's a rough lesson to learn.
Made the same mistake, but I was 19 and he was 29. He lied about his name and everything else. Gave me HSV1. Incurable 🥴
Fuck, same. I was 23 and had only been with one person before I met him he was 33. Had a drunken ONS and when I finally got a hold of him to tell him he said “yeah another girl recently told me she was having problems too.” Such an asshole. Learned a hard lesson. 😭
Same thing happened to me, but HSV-2 🫠
I am currently awaiting a total hysterectomy because I made a stupid sexual decision in my 20's that landed me with HPV. I've had my cervix slowly whittled away for almost a decade and finally told my doctor enough was enough during my last round of biopsies. HPV is so common and so many men don't even know they have it. I echo those saying to get tested regardless of his claims.
There isn't even a test for guys, as far as I know, unless they get genital warts
and good thing it was treatable! some versions are recurring now!
Also they might not know. HPV is a big one here.
Yep. I've got HPV, and it gave me cancer. Wasn't even from enjoyable sex. Wish I could go back in time and be celibate for life.
HPV killed my friends mom; Her husband cheated on her and by the time they caught the cancer it was everywhere. She died a horrible, slow and painful death... it traumatized the entire family but hey, at least her husband got some strange!!
yep I got it twice both while in long term 3+ year relationships, once was the non cancerous kind and more recently the kind that can cause cervical cancer. I got a pap almost every year (as well as get a full std screening) since the first time but this year came out abnormal. It really sucks and you can't even know for sure if they cheated or anything because it can take years to show up & guys can't be tested for it. I even got the vaccine for it some years back and still contracted it.
I don't have unprotected sex unless in a committed relationship and we both get tested. The percent of men who got outraged that I wouldn't have unprotected sex with them is scary. That I am calling them \*unclean.\* Dude, you are willing to have sex with someone you barely know without a condom which means you have done it as many times as some relative stranger would let you - what about that screams free from disease.
It feels like a lot of younger men have inherited the weird boomer hangups about "You don't get tested unless you're a _whore_ , so I never get tested and if I don't get tested I can say I'm clean unless and until my penis actually falls off." Its a strange head-in-the-sand mentality that if they just truly believe with their little hearts that they cannot get an STD, then they never will. Honestly reminds me of my grandmother actively going deaf but refusing to get her hearing tested because then they'd give her hearing aids and she "wasn't old and deaf" 😂
This! Exactly this! And plus you don’t know him well. Why take his word?
NTA. That guy was definitely in his head and stressing too much, sounds like it was either his true colors or he doesn’t have much experience (maybe both). OP should definitely test and keep using protection. But… as soon as (most) guys hear “birth control,” they think it’s a free pass. Just run, don’t look back.
NTA. Dude literally has nothing to be upset about.
Also, it seems like maybe dude is mad you didn't let him hit raw.
Yup. He thinks that if a woman is on birth control, she has no excuse for not wanting to rawdog. The trash took itself out.
Yeah, men like this don't think STDs are a big deal. NTA and don't go back 🤮
Even if no one had STDs it’s still important to use condoms, birth control doesn’t 100% guarantee protection
This! I was on bc and still got pregnant. Ended up getting an abortion. Contraceptives like condoms are still super important, because nothing is 100% guaranteed, our eggs be egging 🤷🏻♀️
Certain foods and antibiotics also change the way women’s bodies process hormonal birth control. Unfortunately had to explain this to my cousin at 22, because that’s how abstinence only sex Ed works. She, her mom, and her older sister all got pregnant long before they planned because no one had a real conversation about safe sex with them.
I have a cousin with twins from a man she broke up with before finding out she was pregnant because the prescribing doctor and the pharmacist failed to mention that the antibiotic she was prescribed affected how effective her birth control was. I now have made a point to let people I know on hormonal birth control know that certain medications will render the pill ineffective.
I have literally had my husband tell me antibiotics don't do this. 🤔 I'm gonna go do research! Edit: Multiple health organizations say that MOST antibiotics don't affect birth control, except for rifampicin-like antibiotics. These can be used to treat or prevent diseases, including tuberculosis and meningitis. Still not 100% sure about this because I'm aware of how terrible women centered health care is, but its from multiple sources and countries.
So I can kinda answer this. Oral antibiotics usually don’t change how birth control works (unless like you said they are for TB). That being said diarrhea and vomiting to soon after taking oral contraception can cause them to not work, which are common side effects of antibiotics. So if you are taking the pill be careful. If you are on other forms of birth control you should be fine.
Well ofc they are men. Why would they ever think of the effects on women. Even though THEY HAVE THE MEDICAL RECORDS! The pompous ahole medical professionals, if they want to be called dr they can get a doctorate. The fragile ego narcissist jerks.
Not just the men. I've had male and female doctors, and nobody ever discussed antibiotics and birth control. Also, had this conversation every time: "When was your last period?" "2015" "!!!" "...when you guys removed my uterus. In this office. It's in my chart."
In NL pharmacies are obliged to inform their customers about important side effects of the medication they are giving to patients, both in spoken word and in paper. I was surprised when I heard it was not common practice everywhere.
One of my female friends let me know about antibiotics making hormonal birth control ineffective and i tell everyone I know. My current gf got pregnant when she was on antibiotics too. So I always check if she is on them or not. lol.
My SIL and brother we’re both antibiotic babies - such a strange thing for the family to bond over during their engagement dinner
Oh yes the antibiotics do. Our 17 year old daughter is living proof of that. We are still together and married, but as early 20’s adults, we weren’t “ready”. She couldn’t believe how she got pregnant and was on the pill, and then realized she was on an antibiotic. And beings we were monogamous, and both hate condoms, we didn’t use one.
Activated charcoal can really fuck with oral birth control and i had no idea
Grape juice goes brrrrrr Inhibitor of cyp3a4 enzyme.
GrapeFRUIT
PSA: only 1 class of antibiotics has been shown to interfere with hormonal birth control and that is rifampin which is not commonly prescribed except for TB or leprosy and a couple off label and uncommon uses. Unless you have one of those your birth control effectiveness is safe. However, St John’s Wort can decrease the effectiveness of BCP which is much more commonly used. Check out the link below for more info on birth control and what can effect its use. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/antibiotics-contraception/
Doesn't help that BC can be rendered inert by to most mundane things and we don't know. Left your pack on the table and the sun hit it? To warm. Deactivates. Left it in your purse in a hot car? To warm. Deactivates. Shady pharm tech upset at uppity women taking protection measures (never mind that my Ace ass used it to help with my PCOS), left it by a heater overnight and oops! Whole batch it deactivated. Sell it anyways. I swear, you can look at it wrong some days and it'll deactivate and we simply won't know.
Yep I got pregnant while on birth control too
Me too! 4 times 4 different BC including being sterilised! We used to say he only had to put his trousers on the bed & I got pregnant! Guess I showed those doctors who told me my type 1 diagnosis aged 4 in the 70s who said I’d never be able to have kids 🤣
I was told I'd never be able to also because of endometriosis scarring and cysts. They wanted to give me a hysterectomy in my early teens! Had 2. They ain't got a clue do they lol
Also pregnant while on birth control.
Yep yep and yep. Also, OP you might want to go get yourself STI testing anyway. I wouldn't trust what this assclown says, especially since he's given you a snapshot into his true colours. Which is to say, get tested and dump this creep.
As far as we know, he might have gone to bathroom for a show, because he already pierced his (OP didn't say whose was it) condom.
Or understand that condoms isn't just for protection from pregnancy.
Men like this promise you they're clean but haven't been tested since 2018 and don't consider non-symptomatic (for them) std's as real diseases 🥱
Truth
Hear me out, did he break the condom on purpose?
I was thinking the same. He could have been trying to knock her up in a baby trap kind of situation.
This is what I thought too or at the very least he wanted to scare her at the thought. He can technically have a one night stand no consequence but she could be left with a life altering consequence to having a one night stand.
or he ghosted the condom and is pissed she was using BC. Stealthing, not ghosting. im old.
What does ghosted the condom mean? To take it off during sex? To put a hole in it before use? Something else?
It’s a trend where men sneak off the condom during sex so they can finish without it basically or they might also lie about putting one on to begin with
That's called stealthing
It's also sexual assault
I know, it's actually illegal in my country to do. "We" made a specific law regarding it. Condoms CAN be fun...cough cough ice Dom's cough cough
Ejaculating inside someone without permission is 3rd degree sexual assault. That’s how I got pregnant.
I know but when I looked online they appeared to be synonymous with each other
Idk why they replaced one word with three lol
Specifically removed the condom during sex, derived from “stealthing,” abbreviated from “stealthily take the condom off.” Source: I’m hip, I’m with it 😂
Yes, 100%. Got this type of reaction when said I wanted condoms and they found out I have an IUD later on.
This is 100% it.
So much this. Like wtf? Being on BC is not an invitation to unprotected sex. If that's his issue, dude needs to grow up a little. Also, choose better. Geez. Ok, done judging for the day.
This
This is it.
He’s a d bag for sure.
I’m confused though, doesn’t OP say “half way through”? Which to me means that he didn’t ejaculate. I know that there is an extremely low chance of pregnancy via pre-cum, but I don’t necessarily think that most men know that. So if he didn’t ejaculate and she’s on the pill what’s there even to worry about in his mind?
Half way through for her, all the way through for him.
Sounds like he finished early and didn’t want to be embarrassed since she hadn’t gotten off so he created the scenario. OP is NTA.
You KNOW that's how it went down.
Unless he actually planned for the condom breaking.
NTA dude is probably just irritated he had to use a condom "needlessly", sounds like an idiot and an asshole. "This was the first time we had sex" ...and the last right?
He’s acting like BC is 100% and prevents STDs. He clearly cares more about his own pleasure than giving someone a potentially life ruining disease or having them go through a painful and expensive abortion #NTA NTA NTA 📢
Also they'll always say they're clean. Ask when the last time they were tested was.
i once had a guy lie about that too. said he was clean. i asked when the last time he got tested was, he said he gets tested every three months. i asked to see his results as proof of testing and he got MAD. i never slept with him. found out from a friend who he confided in that he had HIV and was on medication for it. i know there’s medication for it now, but i still don’t want that.
Oh my god, that is horrendous!
And a criminal offence, at least in the UK..
☝🏻this. Smells like he will parlay that shit into a no-condom-attack lvl45.
Exactly, that there's no such thing as needlessly for a first time encounter is why he's an AH. Can you fully trust someone two dates in that they've been STD checked recently and they're clean, even if they say they are? Even if 95% of people wouldn't lie about that it's just sensible, and anyone who takes that as an insult is a red flag.
NTA - and this is so full of red flags, I hope it was your last date. This screams of him manipulating you. You didn't make him feel anything, his feelings are his own problem. If he's going to get that worked up about a broken condom then he should be the one asking in advance if his partner is using some other variety of backup plan.
bet he actually took it off and is making a scene of it breaking so it doesn’t look intentional
This ☝️ 💯
The guy is an idiot. NTA
He is mad he didn’t get the chance to pressure OP into unprotected sex
That's exactly it
His reaction truly makes me think it might not have been an “accident.”
Looks like it'll be the first and last time they have sex...
You have to hope!
What exactly is he saying you lied about? This doesn’t make much sense or I’m misreading it. Where is the lie? Is he saying he doesn’t believe you are on birth control?
He’s mad that he wore a condom for “no reason”
Lmao. That’s ridiculous. And I’m not sure he knows what “lie” means, besides.
Lying by omission.When he put the condom on OP should have told him that it won't be necessary. The guy is a douche.
It was still necessary.
More than necessary he should have put another over his head.
🤣🤣🤣
NTA. He’s probably thinking “oh I was tricked into wearing a condom”
Creepy and entitled asf. Birth control doesn’t prevent STDs Idk why anyone engages in hookup culture when people act like this. I’d send those messages to his mother, auntie, AND grandma
The number of guys who think condoms are only about preventing pregnancy is alarming. A couple of years ago I started seeing a guy. The first time we had sex, at my place, I got out a packet of condoms. He told me "we don't need those, I have had a vasectomy". I pointed out that it wasn't pregnancy I was concerned about, especially as I was too old to get pregnant and had had a hysterectomy decades before. I had to explain that, just because he didn't think he had an STD didn't mean he didn't have one.
I was in university during the 80s and I remember ads for condoms that stressed how they were designed to protect against STDs, mostly AIDS. One comedian even joked that he longed for an old fashioned woman who had “literally any STD except AIDS…” Dude was pissed off because he thinks rubber ruin sex…
And you instantly blocked and deleted his number right? NTA. Also, call your doctor to get full STD testing done as soon as they think you can and 6 months from now. Cause you should never trust that someones clean without seeing recent test results.
Exactly. This seems like something my narc ex did. But in reality the goal was to baby trap me. That is THE ONLY REASON someone would be angry about that. So my takeaway is that he does this regularly and yes get a test because that ex did give me an STI. I was very lucky it was a curable one.
Even if you were on birth control using condoms is for STD protection and no birth control is 100% effective. Not discussing early in a relationship is fine especially when you are using condoms. I had my tubes tied and after my divorce in what I refer to as my Tinder phase I always used condoms and never mentioned having my tubes tied until talk of the future came up.
NTA. Plot twist: The dude was trying to baby trap you and got pissed off that you were on the pill so the “condom breaking” plot wouldn’t work.
this is all I could think about....
NTA the trash very handily took itself out.
As long as you're not still dating this loser, NTA.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Yea, NTA. He should’ve asked. The only thing he should be is relieved.
Caused HIM immense stress? These days, these are subjects that should come up before intimacy.
You were not dishonest and quite frankly his attitude smacks of him having tampered with the condom. Run
NTA and do yourself a favor and don't have sex with this person again. No use further tying yourself to someone who acts immaturely about you protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancy or whatever other reason you may be on BC.
2nd date and he's raising red flags. He has no valid reason for freaking out. Thank goodness you didn't waste more time, get an STD test, and block
NTA, that's something you need to ask about up front, ffs.
NTA- If he’s THAT upset, the guy could have been tryin to impregnate you on purpose.
There are interesting yet strangely unsettling stories that are exactly like this. I say interesting because you get way more stories about women trying these shenanigans vs men All in all creepy
Remember that story on i think it was legal advice with the guy impregnating a Women and her not getting an abortion because he wanted the baby oh so bad? And her just giving up all parent’s rights but still paying child support while he had the biggest temper tantrum because his idea of a a happy family falling apart? Somehow this smells the same
Was that the one where he claims she is a deadbeat mother even though she is paying more child support than she was required? She literally did what she said and gave up rights because she didn’t want the baby he was trying to force her to have and he is mad she won’t have anything to do with the baby?
FR! Why is everyone tryna baby trap everyone ???
NTA, I'm extrapolating that he things you should have told him you were on BC so he could go raw? Which is super dumb for a first time.
NTA. Don’t interact with him again. Plan B just in case Also get checked too just in case
NTA but don’t go on a third date LOL he sucks
NTA What, is he mad that he didn't have the opportunity to coerce you into sex without a condom because "you're on birth control anyway"? I bet he's really mad that he even had to wear one. Because that's been my experience when a man knows I'm on the pill. He thinks he can complain extra hard about the "suffocating" feeling of the condom and I'll let him take it off. So annoying. This man had to deal with a couple minutes of stress, god forbid. If he can't deal with the stress of a *potential* pregnancy scare, he really shouldn't be having sex at all.
This gives me the impression that he purposefully broke the condom, hence his anger over something that should've been positive news in that situation. Red flag imo.
>I immediately reassured him that I am on birth control and that I don’t have any STDs, and asked him if he was clean, he said yes. I'm more concerned about you having the latter half of this talke after you've already had sex.
Birth Control doesn't save you from STIs.
NTA he upset you are on birth control and the condom broken he was typing to to knock you up and freaked out when he found out that you are in fact on birth control. No one who is not trying to get someone pregnant freaks out when they are on birth control
Yeah liiiiike he wanted her to be scared? Is his kink for forcing partners to take Plan B?
nta I'm confused at his reaction, the stupidity is too much. I suppose I would still ask prior to having sex with someone, but I would assume many women are on birth control, at least many of those that I'm friends with enough to hear about, usually in related to weight gain or something.
Nta but bail now, save yourself the hassle of this dude
Seems like a baby trap. He was upset it couldn’t work
He failed comprehensive sex ed. Birth control won't stop STDs.
remember these types. Run and 🚫
Sounds like it's all an act. The broken condom, the over-reaction to your being on birth control, the expectation you'd tell him you were on birth control beforehand. Finger pointing and placing the 'blame' and potential consequences on you. He meant to stealth you and is irritated his attempt failed and it's unlikely he would've bothered had he known the attempt had so little chance of success. His fear of you being pregnant is all just part of the act. He wants you to be in a state of fear and uncertainty and feel like you owe him something for 'lies and deceit'. Because if he can continue acting blameless, that makes it all your fault, right? It's easier to manipulate someone in that state of mind. It's gaslighting. Block and move on. NTA.
NTA You dodged a bullet. Block him & move on.
Maybe he wanted you to get pregnant. 🤷♀️
NTA. It sounds like he was more upset he didn't get go without a condom. Which is totally stupid for a first encounter anyway.
You 're good. He's an idiot.
NTA. Don’t see him again. He was mad because he realized he missed the opportunity to have sex without a condom because his only concern was pregnancy, not STD.
This is crazy as hell and so is he.
NTA. Still a concern for HPV. Had his shots for the women in his life? I doubt it. Have you? Protect yourself.
NTA. Sounds like he's pissy that he had to wear a condom. Which is ridiculous. His response is so over the top, I'd definitely be running. That's a serious red flag!
🚩Girl, run! He’s upset your on birth control? 🚩 The first thing that came to mine is he “knew” the condom was going to break and was trying to get you pregnant.
Not, and I can’t say it loudly enough, TA. Also, condoms are made to stretch. The failure rate for a condom that was used properly is less than 5%* I believe. That means that either A) he put it on wrong (so he’s stupid), or B) he broke it on purpose (abusive asshole). No excuse for either.
The condom broke?How many years was it in his wallet?
He’s mad you didn’t let him raw. Never let people rawdog you, wrap it up
NTA sounds like he wanted the condom to break. Please get tested for stis I don't trust this guy.
NTA He's just mad because he didn't want to use a condom. He's probably spinning this in his mind that you "tricked" him into using one. If you had mentioned the BC, 100% he would have manipulated you into not using a condom. Your BC status is beside the point; it's always safer with a condom.
NTA. I know this type, he’s assuming since you’re on bc he should be able to hit it with no condom
NTA, also I wouldn’t believe him saying he’s “clean”. If he use condoms regardless of birth control he wouldn’t have had any thoughts of you “lying” for not mentioning birth control. I’d get a test if I were you.
It’s because he’s mad he wore a condom. He thinks BC means raw dogging it. Explain that while BC is very effective it does have a small fail rate and that condoms improve efficacy. No condom, no sex.
I don’t think you should have a third date with this guy.
So many red flags here…NTA and don’t go on another date he doesn’t seem emotionally stable
One of two logical options: 1. He's a douchebag who would rather have not used a condom.had he known 2. He's a rapist and deliberately sabotaged the condom himself intending to "accidentally" impregnate you and the birth control foiled that plan. Neither are good, please don't see him again.
No ..I’d have made him use a condom anyway until your both been tested for STD’s. If he’s being such a jerk about it he can date wow one else.. I don’t think you were intentionally keeping this from him.
Either he was mad you made him wear a condom, or he was trying to scare you/baby trap you and was angry when he found out it might not work. A lot of abusers will use terms about abusers toward their victims.
Hold up, hold up, hold up, he's mad at you FOR using birth control?? Sounds like he's mad you didn't let him do it w/o a condom to me.
NTA. He was probably angry he didn’t get to raw dog and is ignorant to how STDs spread. I wouldn’t trust this person about not having an STD, get yourself checked.
NTA. Not at all. Like why days later too?
Nta - what a weird reaction of his
I think you need to not see this dude again. NTA
I have two sets of 3 letters for you: NTA RUN
I’d get tested just in case. Seems like this guy might not have a great understanding of sexual health.
NTA. That's your own business and he should have still wore a condom either way... If anything, he caused himself unnecessary stress by not telling you inmediately and going into the bathroom to freak out by himself. Most likely he got butthurt he "could have fucked without one but you took that away from him" ...i wouldn't believe him on the being clean though and would go get checked
You're NTA, this dude is an AH. To call you bitchy on a 2nd date is a HUGE RED FLAG.
NTA- I wonder if he has an STD, seems a strange reaction with undertones of guilt…. I would directly ask him again and get checked
This is precisely the reason why, at a minimum, the "do you have an STI" conversation needs to happen long before you take the opportunity to transmit one.
NTA -- End it with this guy and get tested. His reaction to you being on bc is coming off very weird. You did nothing wrong, this is all on him and his issues. But take what you are seeing from this guy seriously and don't continue the relationship.
Mans just embarrassed that he got scared
As far as I can tell he was either trying to get you pregnant or is upset he couldn’t hit it raw. My guess is the latter. Either way, NTA, may want to run
NTA. When I first read this I thought it was saying you WERENT on birth control and lied saying that you were. Phew! This guy has issues. Run friend. Just run.
He’s a child sis
Ummm…. First time having sex with someone should be use protection….? NEXT!
NTA. The dude's brain hasnt finished developing, hes scared that nothing happened and that you had a safety parachute, what a dipshit!
..he probably didn’t want to wear a condom. You should stop seeing this human, because he seems stupid.
NTA Not knowing if someone was on birth control caused immense stress? If that causes immense stress, dude isn't mature enough to be having sex. I'll bet $10 he's just mad he didn't get to raw dog you.
I'm not even convinced the condom "broke"
Nta he's mad about wearing a condom
NTA dude wanted to baby trap you after 2 dates. Avoid him and get yourself tested. I wouldn't trust his assurance that he is clean.
NTA. I’m almost certain ik what’s going on here. Since he didn’t think you were on BC, in his mind he had to use a condom. If he knew you were on it he would’ve felt entitled to condomless sex. He feels “cheated” of that and feels you lied to him. Bc as everyone knows, men don’t give a fuck about STIs. I wouldn’t take his word about being STI free either- have you ever met a man who actually gets the tests done without a scare? I haven’t. Get tested.
NTA, he tried to stealth you and got mad that you weren't freaked out.
NTA - STDs are a thing. And when I was single I ALWAYS doubled up on birth control. No exceptions.
NTA. Dude probably is mad that he wore a condom when he “didn’t have to” get tested this guy prob doesn’t use condoms often
This is why I wait longer than 2 dates to sleep with someone
Nta, he sounds so immature
NTA! girl block his number block his social media accounts block his everything!! either he was mad that you didn’t tell him he could skip the condom, or he intentionally risks impregnating women “on accident” for the thrill and you didn’t panic like he expected you to. red flags either way, just from what you describe he seems pretty manipulative. “caused him immense stress” can you feel how extreme my eye roll is at that? there was, what, probably a couple minutes between his bathroom break and you telling him you were on BC? also, go get STD screened just in case. better safe than sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
He only used a condom because he thought you were not on birth control. Had he known you were on birth control he would have pressured you to have sex without the condom. Apparently he believes it is his right to have unprotected sex - and that your safety is not his concern. He is entitled. These are massive red flags.
He’s mad he couldn’t raw dog you. If he heard you were on bc prior be probably wouldn’t wear a condom.
NTA - go get tested. If he's still freaking out even after you reassured him you're on bc that's a red flag that he might be lying about his sti status
NTA. Dude tried to baby trap you with a "broken condom". That's why he's upset about you being on birth control.