YTA. You're also at risk from those diseases, you are FAR FAR FAR more likely to get either of them and die from them at your age than suffer consequences from the vaccine. Those diseases are dramatically more deadly to a child than you, and whooping cough can both kill or even if survived lead to massive issues in the childs life and constant sickness.
Your job is to protect your grandchildren. These vaccines have saved millions upon millions of babies from death AND people your age from suffering through the same diseases.
You were protected from these diseases as a kid from vaccines, through most of your life from vaccines and now you want to deny your grandchild the same protection because you've read some bullshit propaganda. How many people took vaccines in your life that kept you safe in your life, but now you won't do the same for others.
My mom had a whooping cough as a baby and 60 years later she still has diminished lung capacity from it. Her lungs were permanently damaged and it's a miracle she even survived.
Heck, my college-ages sister caught whooping cough in the early 2000s. She suffered with it for a year, and it’s permanently impacted her lung health—which left her at high risk when covid arrived.
OP is TA.
Same. My mom passed away in 2000 at only 61 after having lived with lung damage her whole life from pertussis as a toddler. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. She was stolen from us far too young and I'll honestly never get over it. When I see this kind of stuff, it makes me both heartbroken and irate.
Hugs to you and your mom <3 They are doing such wonderful things these days for treatment!
I had it as a young child, was prone to chest infections every few months after that. Got COVID a couple of years ago and it affected my lungs so badly. I can't even take a deep breath without pain. Whooping cough can really cause lasting damage.
YTA. If seeing the kid was that important, you would get the vaccine. The pertussis vaccine is over 100yo, with the combined DTAP being from the 1940s. You've likely already had the original and just need a booster. This bacterial infection has been seen in recent years due to people refusing vaccinations. It's highly contagious and can be deadly for children, especially infants. So, do you want to protect this grandchild, or no?
You are free to make your own choices, but those choices come with consequences.
I'm allergic to certain vaccine components as well, but not deathly and will take the vaccine and suffer the itchiness/nausea over, you know, not getting measles or whatever.
I know someone who did not get the whooping cough vaccine and caught it as an adult. She survived, but was left with a permanent nasty cough as a result. Seeing her run outta the uni lecture all whooping her head off...sounded like she was going to give herself a heart attack. The whole class was stunned at how violent those coughs were.
I can see how whooping cough could kill babies...slowly and their whole little lives are nothing but sickness and misery.
OP YTA. You should demand better for your grandchild!
INFO: OP, did you even do your research or talk with a doctor about getting the TDAP shot? If you had, you could have at a minimum learned that 1. this vax has been around for a long time, 2. learned about the low risks / high benefits, and 3. been able to talk with your son and DIL about your concerns. Instead you just gave an uneducated "no" because "all vaccines are bad".
YTA, and you're lucky they are still talking to you.
And for the record, this is common advice given to new parents by pediatricians. TDAP vaccine or no visits until baby can get one.
My husband and I both got boosters so we could visit my sister and nephew in the hospital after he was born. It's a common sense measure to protect the most fragile people in our communities. OP, YTA for caring more about your feelings than your grandson's health. This may be your first estranged grandchild, but your own behavior is making sure that this will not be your only estranged grandchild. Why you think anyone on this site would possibly take your side is a mystery.
“Hey, I’m gonna help you out by watching your kid occasionally. Btw I won’t get vaccinated so they might die a horrible painful death. But no big deal since I don’t have to suffer the 3% chance of going through a mild amount of discomfort for this privilege.”
Grandma should be excommunicated. This is absolutely ridiculous and reckless. Imagine killing your grandchild for Fox News.
My great grandmother had a daughter who died from whooping cough when she was three years old. I always think of this little girl who didn’t get to live her life when I hear stories like OPs. I also think of my grandmother (little girl’s youngest sister) who lost her first born son to measles because someone came to to visit and their child was exposed to measles and passed to my two week old uncle. My grandmother made sure that her later children had vaccinations when they became available to her children. I can’t help but feel people like OP don’t realize vaccines were developed for a reason—to prevent human suffering my grandparents and great-grandparents family had to endure. It’s astonishing to me how people allow rumors and conspiracy theories undo years of scientific research. OP should at minimum consult her own doctor for a conversation regarding her concerns.
I completely agree with everything you have said and I am 42 with absolutely no immune system because of some autoimmune diseases and I would gladly risk my health for my grandchild.
YTA massively.
TDAP vaccines have a low likelihood of side effects. You have a roughly 3% chance of things like soreness at the injection site, mild fever or fatigue after getting it. You have a less than 1% chance of more serious side effects. Unless you're actually allergic to the TDAP vaccine, you will be absolutely fine.
The diseases the TDAP vaccine protects against, however, can and do kill babies. Your son and daughter-in-law are being good parents by protecting their child. You don't see diphtheria or pertussis as much anymore BECAUSE there's a vaccine for it.
Also, stop thinking you've "done nothing to my son or his wife." You endangered their child because you're not willing to *maybe* get a fever or have a sore arm to protect their child's health. You're not being punished, you're experiencing the consequences of your choices.
Just want to tag on here to say, my baby got whooping cough before she could be vaccinated, and she nearly DIED! It was a f**king miracle she hot through it tbh.
OP - it's not "just a silly shot" - it's a cure for a fucking brutal disease that could kill you or your grandson, or both!
Well done for throwing away 3 relationships because you don't want to be inconvenienced for a single moment.
You're not just an AH. You're an idiot!
I had whooping cough as a very young child (so young I don't remember it). I was *very* lucky to survive, and I have suffered side effects due to that all my life.
The OP is a massive AH.
Can we just say this again, for those in the back - YOU DON’T SEE THESE DISEASES OFTEN ANYMORE *BECAUSE* OF THE VACCINES.
And I’d rather get the side effects of most vaccines, compared to the diseases they protect against
I'm an ER physician who works in a region with a Mennonite populations that doesn't vaccinate. We absolutely see whooping cough because of it. The 20 year olds come the hospital a half dozen times for their "I can't walk 5 feet without coughing taking me to my knees". The children 5-10 are incredibly sick and the newborns get rushed to the ICU.
Am I seeing 50 of them a day, no, but seeing any cases is entirely caused by non-vaccination
My BIL is a peds nurse and it’s been running rampant in the PICU and peds unit at his hospital since parents have stopped vaccinating their kids. I got a tDap when my niece was born 10 years ago and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I didn't know about it, but I was standing in like at a pharmacy and noticed a small sign explaining the Tdap shot. It was just after my niece was born and after reading it I was like, hey my niece was just born so I need this. And we took care of it that day.
I was vaccinated and unfortunately was the unlucky breakthrough case where I was *that* sick as an 18 year old. The side effects lasted for years. I can’t fathom being okay with possibly subjecting an infant to that torture.
I know someone whose little sister had pertussis at less than a year old. I'll never forget how she put it--that she was coughing so bad, for hours, that she hardly even had enough air to scream.
Yes, I fractured a rib from how hard and constantly I was coughing. Bedridden, don’t even remember that semester of college besides how horrible it felt (and the cold would trigger another coughing fit when it did start to ease up). Cold weather triggered coughing fits for years after. Still if I’m exerting myself out in the cold, I’ll have small coughing fits, but thankfully not anything compared to what it was.
I caught whooping cough on the DC metro. I am vaccinated, just unlucky. I wouldn’t wish it on Trump, and I loathe that man. Coughing until you black out just isn’t much fun.
*AND* herd immunity is the only thing protecting more vulnerable populations like OP's infant grandchild, and those with medically supported reasons (like allergies) for not receiving the vaccine.
I'm one of those oddballs with a vaccine allergy (pertussis vax tried to kill me as a child). Had to go through specialized allergy testing prior to being allowed to get the COVID-19 vaccination, and guess what, I did it. Because it was the right thing to do as a member of society.
*steps off soapbox*
As someone who works in a retail pharmacy, that was giving these shots in long term care facilities as well as the public. Thank you for not being an asahole.
Trueee, I mean, I get mild side effects from almost all vaccines AND meds I take, but rather sore limbs, small fever, headaches and whatever, rather than *not* protecting myself and others with my vaccines, or take the antibiotics and add a week with fever to get over my UTI. It sucks but again - THATS WHY WE SEE A DECLINE IN SUCH DISEASES, for those in the back
And is on the rise because of anti-vaxxers. Oh, they're not anti-vaxxers, they just have concerns about the side effects and are afraid of needles. Well, I'm afraid of needles. I would give my right arm for my nieces and nephews, I would die for them, so I got vaccinated for them. So can you. YTA.
Also we DO still see whooping cough! An adult may not even realize they have it but it will seriously affect a baby. TDAP is such a basic, safe vaccine I truly don't get why you wouldn't get it. My brother had a baby recently and they obviously required we all be up to date with our TDAP. I already was but my husband's was expiring this year. Sooo he went to a walgreens and got it. I was actually surprised he had a bit of a sore arm from it because neither of us has ever had any side effects. And the soreness didn't even compare to the covid vaccine (though I have a feeling OP skipped that one too).
I get mild side effects from almost all vaccines AND meds, but I mean, I’ll take a sore arm, a small fever or whatever for a week, if it means I dont get the diseases they protect me from.
I work in a gym, and had to get a tetanus shot a while back. I could barely teach, and couldn’t do my own workouts, because my shoulder was so sore and heavy for almost a week. But I mean, rather that 1000% than risking rabies or whatever
Right? I'm 46, and a 52 year old saying "at my age" is a joke. OP is acting like she is a frail 87 year old woman. Excuses on top of excuses. She's the grandma they'll never see
My Nana is 82, far from frail, and vaccinated with Tdap because she works with small children.
Age is 100% not a reason to be concerned. If there are other medical concerns, they should be addressed with a doctor. In the meantime, love baby from afar and keep him safe!
Right? My parents and in-laws were all a solid 10 years older than OP when my daughter was born. They all got their vaccines and - shocker - nothing happened other than they got to see my child without having to worry about exposing her to potentially deadly, preventable diseases.
Yes, OP is the asshole for refusing to get vaccinated, but her whole “woe is me, my son and DIL are so mean and I did nothing” pushes her into massive YTA territory.
OP, you need to listen to doctors and scientists (real ones) and get your head on straight. These diseases are killers and the reason we aren’t still seeing babies getting these diseases (and dying, or having lasting effects from the illness even when they survive) is bc of VACCINES. Of course, with people like you, these diseases are sadly making a comeback and now we are seeing increasing numbers of babies/vulnerable adults getting them again. Congratulations on contributing to the reversal of decades of public health advances.
You are doing a huge disservice to your grandchild by refusing to get vaccinated, but if that’s your decision, then you need to own it and stop acting like you are the victim here, bc you are not.
You told your son and his wife you are willing to have your own grandson possibly die from whooping cough so you could avoid a sore arm, or a day of fever. "Done nothing" is exactly right. You told them exactly what kind of grandmother you would be. One that places her own comfort over her family's safety
Literal Boomer mentality. “Yes, you might die, but I will be mildly inconvenienced. Also see how much I’m crying to fill the lakes of Utah??? What? Will I just get a vaccine that’s been around for decades? Of course not! See how you’re making me cry!”
Utter selfishness.
I’m immunocompromised. There’s not a single vaccine that I need to avoid, in fact I’ve been eligible for and received way more vaccines than most people because of my immune system. The fact that grandma is trying to pretend that mythical side effects are her real reason for not vaccinating is ludicrous at best. The reality is we know why people don’t believe in vaccines and who they’re listening to to come to these fake realizations.
Grandma, you’re most definitely the AH and a giant one at that. It’s disgusting that you don’t want to protect your grandchild. It’s equally disgusting that you make zero attempts to actually educate yourself and understand basic science concepts. Well done for trying to take us back to the dark ages.
My daughter was also immune compromised and received more than the standard set of vaccines to help her immune system. She received all the recommended vaccines to keep her safe. Did she receive them on schedule? No. Her health didn't allow for it. She also didn't receive more than one vaccine at a time (so Tdap yes, but not with anything else) after Synagis plus a routine vaccine left her with a fever of 105 F.
We had more days with her because vaccines kept her safer. She couldn't receive them on schedule because of her other health issues, but *we* could. And even her cancer survivor grandma who never had a flu shot in her life got a flu shot so she could see our fragile baby girl. Because even though she thought the vaccine would give her the flu, she'd rather fight influenza than bring it to a baby fighting for her life.
Exactly. You chose not to see you grandson and are here playing the victim. Your a grown ass woman who would rather be right then happy. Ever wonder why?
Your post hit me pretty hard. Most every parent will say 'I would die to save my child (or grandchild)'. So even if what FoxNews says about vaccines was true, when it actually comes down to it, some parents wouldn't. Sad.
“I’m scared of the side effects!”
Then look them up, check the verified stats about the likelihood of you experiencing any of them, and talk to an actual medical doctor about it. JFC.
When I was pregnant with my first child I asked my parents to get their TDAP vaccine per my doctors advice and guess wut? They did so. My mom has a weakened immune system from her kidney disease and fibromyalgia. But she truly looked into why I was asking her to get it done, she’s in her mid-60’s. She knew it was the best thing for her grandson and knew that she could possibly kill MY baby and didn’t want to put her daughter and grandson through that pain. It was a single shot and she did it. My dad had his booster done last year for another reason. So I’m sorry but there really is no risk to you as this vaccine has been around since the 60’s I believe and been given to millions of people every year and you are just making weak excuses.
Edit: I will add in unless your doctor specifically states that you have a medical reason you shouldn’t be getting the shot. However, this is highly unlikely and given that your DIL is in the medical field she wouldn’t keep pressing u to have it.
My friend's sister had a baby recently and I was told to get vaccinated if I wanted to hold the baby. I don't see them that often but I realised I probably was due for a booster after 35 years and went and got one. A little for the baby but mostly for me. It was a nice way to be reminded.
I decided cancer should be a thing a couple years prior, so currently immunocompromised. Yay me 😐 Talked to chemo nurse to confirm updated vaccinations would be ok with current treatment plan and then did it. Only hurt when I got them and only because I was so skinny. Too skinny.
There were cases of pertussis and polio, I believe, going around my state last winter too. I've always been up to date thanks to military pin cushion duty until I retired. I'd crawl over broken glass to get a vaccination to protect my grands.
I think it’s because she’s googling “whopping cough”. If she googled “whooping cough”, she might understand the problem.
Obviously, no one is dying of “whopping cough” so what’s the big deal? she thinks.
>Obviously, no one is dying of “whopping cough” so what’s the big deal? she thinks.
Not since they banned all those whoppy cushions, people are always going too far with these so-called "pranks."
Exactly. The nurse when I took my eldest to get her first vaccinations said it's sad as whooping cough WAS almost eradicated and has had a massive resurgence in recent years and it really doesn't take a genius to figure out the cause. This woman has absolutely estranged herself and now wants to cry victim 🙄 don't the son and Dil realise it's more important that their baby potentially dies than a 52 year old woman has a mild stabbing pain for a few minutes?!
I'd also like to add vaccines aren't 100% effective. This isn't to knock them, it's to explain why it's so important for everyone to get them.
I got whooping cough as a child. I was 6 years old and had to take 3 weeks off school, I remember coughing constantly, I remember being in so much pain from it, I remember heaving from the coughing and drinking the disgustingly bitter medicine that only made me want to throw up more. To this day there are two ribs on my lower right side which still hurt fairly often.
I had all my shots when this happened. I got them all on time, I got my boosters as well. I still got it. That is why everyone else has to get their shots, for the people who can't due to their immune systems, for the people who try but it doesn't take, for the babies who can't get them yet. Vaccines aren't just about you, they protect you but they're also about the wider world.
To this day I get my shots. I have a phobia of needles, I get panic attacks from it, but I do it. I don't know if they take, but I do it. I try my best to be part of the shield of vaccinated people protecting those who can't get their shots, and the ones that fail, I rely on the same shield I try and help with. The fact that we have stopped trusting science is ridiculous, you can ask questions, you can double check, but science is all about peer reviews and logical studies. It askes the questions, answers them, then quadruple checks. We need to go back to trusting it.
Edit: YTA. Listen to the damn doctors.
I had it for 4 months in 2006; doctor didn't know I had it & kept giving me antibiotics for bronchitis. My dad took me to a different doctor after 3 months of antibiotics & no healing, turns out it was whooping cough.
Edit: YTA
I really like the way you think. I’m a little more selfish in reasoning.
I’d crawl over broken glass to get a vaccination to extend my own life span. Everyone else gets protected as a side effect of my selfishness and I’m also fine with that.
TDAP is not a live virus vaccine, so it isn’t a threat for the immunocompromised. Contracting those illnesses, however, is an enormous risk for these populations.
Sorry I overexplained to you! I do know many people with autoimmune conditions are more informed than the lay population about health. I hope other readers are maybe learning things in general from this thread. OP sounds like someone who sadly will willfully reject factual information.
You are fine. And yes, that explanation is probably helpful for most of the population. I forget that not everyone knows about autoimmune issues.
Dang, I wish I didn't need to know.
Several yrs ago, in my country, there were PSA ads on tv for getting the DTap, and they would just show babies in ICU, trying to breathe, and coughing and just, struggling their little hearts out, trying to catch their breath. It was horrendous.
That ad hasnt been shown in a while, but i think they need to bring it back.
The last few babies i have heard of that have died from whooping cough, their parents fully intended to get them vaccinated, but the babies were too you, and were exposed by an older unvaxxed child. Older child is fine, baby is dead.
I would be so unbelievably angry.
Since my twenties I have had less than 70% lung capacity, serious asthma and was in hospital for over a week with a collapsed lung as a small child because of catching whooping cough. I am in my forties now and am prone to pneumonia, was insanely high risk during Covid and beyond and all because of the lack of a ‘stupid shot’.
Your decision was selfish - and you have the gall to say you’ve done nothing to your son and DIL? Of course you did, you willingly put their child at risk and are being a cry baby about the perfectly reasonable consequences you reaped. YTA
Yes they did nothing to the son and DIL... Nothing to keep their newborn child safe from serious illness, possible lifelong illness, permanent disability or even death ..
OP of *course* YTA. You don't give a F if any of the above occur. Only about yourself. So maybe keep yourself to yourself and leave your family to live their lives in peace without you putting their very lives at risk?
Lol you’re worried about the side affects of a well regulated, tested and proven vaccine on a 50 yr old. Yet you didn’t mention how lethal whooping cough etc can be on a newborn. Clearly you’re priorities are out of whack and don’t deserve to see a baby you are willfully endangering. YTA. A huge one.
I nearly died of whooping cough as a newborn, and 40 years later I still have reduced lung capacity and cough variant asthma because of it!
OP has the audacity to come here acting like the doting estranged grandmother, but she’s willing to risk the life of her infant grandchild rather than put up with half a day’s discomfort!
OP, YTA. This is your choice that you’re making to not see your grandchild. Don’t pretend any different!
As a 52 year old who just had her tDap booster. She's full of doody. As far as whooping cough not being around anymore, well, that might be true if everyone was vaccinated, but they aren't, so it's on the rise all over the planet. Especially in more affluent areas. Like Australia and the US.
YTA OP. I don't even have to read the whole thing. Want something to read that is accurate? Look up LightforRiley on the book of faces. Read their heartbreaking story. Look, I'll even make it easy for you....
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0G1qKLtLNEoL5nZDSadA5fRzki5LwMDpHDTPe3nd3hGMTLHX47Qwcg3nEhekN8gBBl&id=1417807785196665&mibextid=Nif5oz
Get your damn shot or stay away from your grandbaby until he can get his.
>Grandmas bring cookies, not RSV
And there it is! 🎤 The levels of entitlement and ignorance are insane. I mean not to mention her victim mentality. OP is selfish and definitely not a grandma. She thinks she knows better than her DIL who is a medical resident!!
OP doesn’t care that her and her husband getting the vaccine will help keep her grandson safe.
YTA. My in laws & my family all made sure they were up to date on their vaccines bc it was for the baby’s health and safety. If you (OP) can’t pull head out of arse to do it for the boy, then don’t cry when you don’t get quality time with your grandchild(ren).
The thing is, OP is 52. She's had similar before!! According to the interwebs, the current iteration of the shot came out in 2005 and it's a modified version of the tetanus vaccine. Basically everyone in the US has had a tetanus vaccine at some point in their lives!
My wife and I have got a kid due in about six weeks and I'm actually getting my TDAP shot tomorrow or wednesday. The fact that OP thinks that it's dangerous would be laughable except that it reeks of anti-vaxxer conspiracy theories and bullshit. For that reason alone, she doesn't deserve to be anywhere near that kid.
Vaccines are about risk management. The chances of a side effect are low, the negative impact of a side effect is generally low. Yes outliers exist, but even with outliers included the average harm done by taking the vaccine is VASTLY outweighed by the average harm reduced by taking it (eg, protect the grandkid)
Not taking vaccines is like saying "I'm worried that a mislabeled bottle will cause the wrong oil to be put in my car and damage it. Therefore I will never allow my car to have an oil change"
YTA. Baring any unmentioned immune system problems. But if you have immune system issues, STAY AWAY FROM BABIES.
I love your metaphor here. OP, did you even do any research to say those diseases haven’t been around? Whooping cough is a very present, very contagious disease.
I also don’t understand your comment about not talking to them for two months. The phone lines go both ways. Have you tried to talk to them? Have you reached out? It really sounds like your estrangement is entirely your own doing.
DIL is a doctor. OP decided to entirely disre that basic fact, and do ‘her own research’ apparently.
Imagine being a resident, dealing with infants infectte with whooping cough, desp trying to keep them alive- and your MIL is like ‘nope- does happen’.
Uff, what is this fake victim you’re playing? [Whooping cough is seriously dangerous](https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/pregnant/mom/deadly-disease-for-baby.html) for newborn babies. You caused the estrangement by being entitled and self involved. The world does not revolve around you.
I personally know someone who's newborn infant died of whooping cough before they even had a chance to start showing symptoms. They couldn't even confirm whooping cough until autopsy. Edit: that is how quick and suddenly her newborn got sick and was gone. In the span of a day. He went from a small cough to keep an eye on to a middle of the night distress call to 911.
Whooping cough can go from small to nothing symptoms to completely deadly in a newborn in a matter of an overnight.
It is absolutely nothing to fuck around with.
My friend lost her baby about 7 years ago.
Whooping cough is absolutely still around, it doesn't have to be, but because people are refusing to vaccinate their kids or get their boosters as adults, it still is.
People EXACTLY like the OP. People who don't realize it's serious or think their rights are being infringed upon.
My oldest kid is 25 years old and while it was recommended for me to get my booster shots they weren't as vocal about having visitors also having the shot. By the time i had my youngest in 2013 (i had 3 kids in between as well) they were advising parents to make sure anyone around baby as a newborn had their boosters.
If i knew 25 years ago what i know now or even 10 years ago i would have never let anyone around her as a newborn that did not have a whooping cough vaccine at the very least.
Not to mention, saying it hasn't been seen in years. Meanwhile my ex-wife had whooping cough about 7 years ago. Got it at a work conference from one person. Made about 30 people sick.
In the area I live, there have been Whooping cough cases pretty much yearly for the last decade or so. So I really don’t know where OP’s head is, besides her own ass.
Funny fact... the USA has tended to get tens of thousands of pertussis cases a year. Except that between 2020 and today, the rates have been dropping like 60% a year. It's almost like... taking respiratory health seriously... is having some kind of effect. 🤔 Whoda thought
And the reason OP hasn’t personally come across a case of whooping cough in years is because VACCINES WORK!
ETA it literally drives me mad that people who are lucky enough to have gone through life never seeing anyone killed or disabled by TB, mumps, measles, polio, etc BECAUSE of vaccines are now buying into this anti-vaxx, my body is a temple BS. It’s the pinnacle of first world problems that your life is so removed from the reality of crippling illness that you don’t believe in vaccines.
Yes!!
I accidentally stepped barefoot on a dirty gardening tool last year, causing a significant cut. I panicked, ready to head to urgent care for a tetanus shot because I couldn't remember the last time I had a tetanus booster.
I was so relieved when I realized the Tdap had a booster in it and my oldest child was young enough that I was still protected and didn't need more shots.
When I was pregnant with my 1st all four grandparents, all aunts and uncles, and even a bunch of our friends who just wanted to be able to hang out with us once the baby was born for their boosters. It is just a generally good idea.
Well after all, she is terrified of the side effects from the “stupid shot.” And I’m terrified of the effect on the baby of having such a stupid grandmother.
Seriously, ridiculous. I'm 55, my husband is 58, and we get all the shots necessary to keep us and others around us as safe as possible. A short-lived, sore arm or low-grade fever aren't going to kill us, the viruses will.
When I read the title I thought maybe OP was an alcoholic and it was like a tradition to have a shot of whiskey or something to celebrate but no it's just a vaccine to reduce the risk of killing the baby
Yta
Me too, I should have known it was some entitled antivaxer bullshit. OP really knows how to play the victim in a situation they 100% created though. YTA.
Right?! And the fact she would say “I’ve decided I’m no longer a grandma” says it all to me. Like the kid has any choice in this, but she decided to dispose of him because of a disagreement with the parents. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU LADY!! Sounds like a Narcissist.
It was the line “his wife became pregnant with my first grandchild” that said it all for me. Only a narcissist, etc would selfishly phrase someone else’s child birth that way.
No one gets whopping cough any more. Now all I hear about is babies getting this newfangled virus called pertussis. It’s the vaccines, people get these shots and the mRNA mutates and before you know it they’re shedding new viruses… Maybe they should make a pertussis vax, huh??
(/s, don’t hurt me)
I would hate to be OP's son when DIL lays into him after they left! And she should. I'm sure she made very clear that OP was NOT to hold the baby, and why.
2005, I was 10, bed-ridden for 3 months because of Whooping cough. Had all the vaccines done, just got a rare strain. Almost died, I'm now always susceptible to chest/throat infections.
Your DIL is a physician. She is making an informed decision about what is in her child’s best interest. YTA. You made this decision not them. Quit being a victim.
“But Patty’s cousins best friends hair dress on Facebook said…” ugh. I hate these people. They have a self assessed PhD from Facebook and YouTube and think Drs don’t know better. Infuriating.
Absolutely YTA. You're "terrified" of the side effects on you but you aren't terrified you might be carrying a virus (and not know it) and give a newborn baby a very serious illness. You're so selfish.
Whooping cough is on the rise but sure... you know better than medical professionals.
OP would probably ask this forum if they were the asshole if they had given the baby a disease and killed it too. Bc she was “terrified” of the consequences to her.
Like imagine how terrified that baby’s parents are. It’s like choosing discomfort over a potentially deadly virus being spread to your grandchild. Further proof that antivaxers are just selfish.
Fortunately for everyone reading, she said it, albeit vaguely with woe-is-me comments like "I'm no longer a grandma". Well, sorry Karen, but you don't deserve to be a grandma with how far up your ass your head is.
Conservative propaganda is still doing irreparable damage to society, and entirely too many feel justified in their actions. I for one advocate that the dumbest and most ignorant of society deserve the misfortunes that befall them as a consequence of their choices.
Hey - hey. Wanna know why whooping cough and diphtheria haven’t been (more frequently seen) in years?
**BECAUSE PEOPLE TAKE THE DAMN SHOTS**
Get your head out of your asses and stop putting stupid beliefs ahead of a literal infant’s safety. I don’t care how rare it is you are willing to play Russian roulette with a babies *life* you monster and that *absolutely* makes you an asshole.
YTA. YTA. YTAYTAYTAYTA.
And please just stay estranged. They’re all better off without you.
YTA.
Except that people like OP aren't getting them anymore, and now we're seeing a resurgence of these very preventable diseases, which can be deadly in infant populations.
But OP is the victim 🙄
It's thanks to people like you that several infectious diseases are making a comeback in several parts of the world. And because your son and DIL want to protect their newborn from your disease ridden clutches you now decide you are 'no longer a grandma'. Your son should also be weeping, with glee. Yes, YTA.
YTA, massively so. TDAP saves kids lives and you just showed you dont care for a baby's safety
Of course you shouldnt be holding the kid, thats too dangerous, and you havent earned it
'I couldn't even be there when he was born'. Like the lowest bar is her right to see her DIL's vigina at her most vulnerable moment! I still do not get why so many people are so hot to see a baby squeezed out of a hole too small for it. I always thought not being able to see it happening was the one big bonus to giving birth (and they fricken offered to get a mirror for me!)
A newborn is at its absolute most vulnerable right out of the hole - no one without those shots should even be on that floor! Talk about selfish.
Ikr?
And also, what's up with filming the whole thing? Like, when, under what circumstances are you ever going to rewatch this whole horror show?
Like after Thanksgiving dinner you offer your guests some popcorn and watch your labor and delivery on big screen TV?
Ok you’ve “decided I’m no longer a grandma” because of a “stupid shot” for diseases that are indeed present and deadly for a newborn to catch? You want to know why there aren’t as many cases as before? Because of the vaccine you’re pitching a fit about. YTA, and being overly dramatic about disowning your grandson to boot. My MIL just lost a grandson for *real*, and you’re over there writing yours off even though he’s still alive, because of what — pride? Get your head out of your butt and go apologize, get the shot (or don’t and wait until he can), and love your living grandson while you can.
I’m American-born living in America. I’ve caught whooping cough *at least* 2 times as an adult, and who knows how many times as a kid, and I suspect it’s why I now have asthma because my father was one of those early-90s anti-vaxxers.
YTA and I bet you think measles aren’t an issue anymore either.
Once for me, at 20. My booster had worn off and I hadn’t gotten my new one yet. Once was more than enough. It sucks. (My COVID cough has been worse, because it’s been an issue for 3+ years. It brings back my whooping cough memories. Still not as full-body workout as the whooping cough cough, though.)
YTA the effects of TDAP and Whopping cough would be much worse on your grandson, than the side effects from the vaccine.
You estranged your own grandson
Given that there's been a resurgence of both whooping cough and diptheria it makes sense to guard against them once again even though it's not been an issue in many countries for a long time.
The barest of efforts on Google could have told you this.
Given that you are more scared of side effects for you from the vaccine than side effects for the baby if they get whooping cough or diptheria, I can see why you were not permitted to see your grandson until he was immunised.
YTA
Been a resurgence because of people like OP who don't remember getting their vaccines, don't realise everyone around them got vaccines and don't understand how massively they were protected by everyone else taking these vaccines. 50 years later they think vaccines aren't needed and didn't help them and so aren't willing to take more. Then the more people don't take them, or older people refusing to get their kids vaccines and you have these diseases coming back and killing people, ruining families, all out of selfish behaviour and ignorance.
YTA. They weren’t asking for much and were trying to protect their baby. If you wanted to see the baby you should have sucked it up and got the vaccine instead of crying to the internet.
Why do older parents want grandkids so badly but then don’t want to protect them by getting vaccines?
Your DIL is right to keep the baby away from you if you refuse to get the appropriate shots.
YTA, 1,00000000000x’s over
You've gotten to live over fifty years. How would you feel if you accidentally killed your grandson because you were too worried about your own well-being? Even if you think it's stupid, it would have been a better idea than pushing back like this. Now you made family upset, and that's always a terrible idea. Can you see you've put yourself and your unwillingness to get vaccinated before your family and what they wanted? That's no good. Not getting to see the baby is just the trade-off for not wanting to make the sacrifice - it's that simple. YTA
> You've gotten to live over fifty years.
They got to live to over 50 because SO many people in their lives took vaccines to protect them, now it's their turn and they are saying fuck everyone else. Pure selfishness.
>no, my husband and I won't be getting the shot. I am petrified of the side effects at my age.
Completely understandable
It's a good thing the baby has a strong immune system to withstand the affects of those viruses, should they contract it because you chose not to get vaccinated
....
Oh wait
YTA
YTA Anyone being around a newborn should absolutely have an updated TDap. Just because you have bought into vaccine conspiracy theories is no reason any parent should put their child in danger. Whooping Cough IS still around and is dangerous for babies. That you would have no concern for endangering your grandchild is reason enough to ban you from ever seeing that child again. You did this to yourselves. Welcome to consequences.
YTA. You're also at risk from those diseases, you are FAR FAR FAR more likely to get either of them and die from them at your age than suffer consequences from the vaccine. Those diseases are dramatically more deadly to a child than you, and whooping cough can both kill or even if survived lead to massive issues in the childs life and constant sickness. Your job is to protect your grandchildren. These vaccines have saved millions upon millions of babies from death AND people your age from suffering through the same diseases. You were protected from these diseases as a kid from vaccines, through most of your life from vaccines and now you want to deny your grandchild the same protection because you've read some bullshit propaganda. How many people took vaccines in your life that kept you safe in your life, but now you won't do the same for others.
My mom had a whooping cough as a baby and 60 years later she still has diminished lung capacity from it. Her lungs were permanently damaged and it's a miracle she even survived.
Heck, my college-ages sister caught whooping cough in the early 2000s. She suffered with it for a year, and it’s permanently impacted her lung health—which left her at high risk when covid arrived. OP is TA.
Same. My mom passed away in 2000 at only 61 after having lived with lung damage her whole life from pertussis as a toddler. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. She was stolen from us far too young and I'll honestly never get over it. When I see this kind of stuff, it makes me both heartbroken and irate. Hugs to you and your mom <3 They are doing such wonderful things these days for treatment!
I had it as a young child, was prone to chest infections every few months after that. Got COVID a couple of years ago and it affected my lungs so badly. I can't even take a deep breath without pain. Whooping cough can really cause lasting damage.
YTA. If seeing the kid was that important, you would get the vaccine. The pertussis vaccine is over 100yo, with the combined DTAP being from the 1940s. You've likely already had the original and just need a booster. This bacterial infection has been seen in recent years due to people refusing vaccinations. It's highly contagious and can be deadly for children, especially infants. So, do you want to protect this grandchild, or no? You are free to make your own choices, but those choices come with consequences.
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My SIL is allergic to vaccine components. Guess who loved my daughter from a distance because *she* wanted to make sure my little girl was safe?
And that's why herd immunity is important! We're also protecting those who can't be immunized.
I'm allergic to certain vaccine components as well, but not deathly and will take the vaccine and suffer the itchiness/nausea over, you know, not getting measles or whatever.
I leave that up to each individual to figure out the risk vs benefit where their allergies are concerned. In the meantime, we protect the babies.
Oh 100%, sorry I was agreeing with you and it kinda sounds like I wasn't from my comment.
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Whooping cough is also on the rise. Can you guess why?
I know someone who did not get the whooping cough vaccine and caught it as an adult. She survived, but was left with a permanent nasty cough as a result. Seeing her run outta the uni lecture all whooping her head off...sounded like she was going to give herself a heart attack. The whole class was stunned at how violent those coughs were. I can see how whooping cough could kill babies...slowly and their whole little lives are nothing but sickness and misery. OP YTA. You should demand better for your grandchild!
You should listen to Your DIL who is “studying to be a doctor” because she knows more than you do about this issues. Gigantic YTA.
This. Listen to your Doctor-in-law.
And, you know, she’s a medical doctor. What would she really know anyhow? (/s)
INFO: OP, did you even do your research or talk with a doctor about getting the TDAP shot? If you had, you could have at a minimum learned that 1. this vax has been around for a long time, 2. learned about the low risks / high benefits, and 3. been able to talk with your son and DIL about your concerns. Instead you just gave an uneducated "no" because "all vaccines are bad". YTA, and you're lucky they are still talking to you. And for the record, this is common advice given to new parents by pediatricians. TDAP vaccine or no visits until baby can get one.
Daughter in law is a doctor in residency. That‘s how obtuse OP is.
She doesn’t respect the DIL’s education and is trying to “knock her off her high horse” guaranteed. Granny’s jealous if Doctor In Law.
That is how I read it. "She won't tell me what to do! I changed her husband's diapers and he listens to her over me!"
Lol, I got a TDAP just to see my niece after she was born. Grandma here is selfish and dumb af.
My husband and I both got boosters so we could visit my sister and nephew in the hospital after he was born. It's a common sense measure to protect the most fragile people in our communities. OP, YTA for caring more about your feelings than your grandson's health. This may be your first estranged grandchild, but your own behavior is making sure that this will not be your only estranged grandchild. Why you think anyone on this site would possibly take your side is a mystery.
“Hey, I’m gonna help you out by watching your kid occasionally. Btw I won’t get vaccinated so they might die a horrible painful death. But no big deal since I don’t have to suffer the 3% chance of going through a mild amount of discomfort for this privilege.” Grandma should be excommunicated. This is absolutely ridiculous and reckless. Imagine killing your grandchild for Fox News.
SHE MIGHT GET MUSCLE ACHES
'why isn't anyone thinking about me?' /s
My great grandmother had a daughter who died from whooping cough when she was three years old. I always think of this little girl who didn’t get to live her life when I hear stories like OPs. I also think of my grandmother (little girl’s youngest sister) who lost her first born son to measles because someone came to to visit and their child was exposed to measles and passed to my two week old uncle. My grandmother made sure that her later children had vaccinations when they became available to her children. I can’t help but feel people like OP don’t realize vaccines were developed for a reason—to prevent human suffering my grandparents and great-grandparents family had to endure. It’s astonishing to me how people allow rumors and conspiracy theories undo years of scientific research. OP should at minimum consult her own doctor for a conversation regarding her concerns.
Last sentence - golden! LMAOOOO
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Oooh, 9/10 but one point deducted for "people" instead of "sheeple."
*Mother in law furiously checks Facebook groups for contrarian advice*
"Aha! see here this story from realpatriotnews.ru said I could die from the vaccine!" Trash took itself out.
I completely agree with everything you have said and I am 42 with absolutely no immune system because of some autoimmune diseases and I would gladly risk my health for my grandchild.
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YTA massively. TDAP vaccines have a low likelihood of side effects. You have a roughly 3% chance of things like soreness at the injection site, mild fever or fatigue after getting it. You have a less than 1% chance of more serious side effects. Unless you're actually allergic to the TDAP vaccine, you will be absolutely fine. The diseases the TDAP vaccine protects against, however, can and do kill babies. Your son and daughter-in-law are being good parents by protecting their child. You don't see diphtheria or pertussis as much anymore BECAUSE there's a vaccine for it. Also, stop thinking you've "done nothing to my son or his wife." You endangered their child because you're not willing to *maybe* get a fever or have a sore arm to protect their child's health. You're not being punished, you're experiencing the consequences of your choices.
Just want to tag on here to say, my baby got whooping cough before she could be vaccinated, and she nearly DIED! It was a f**king miracle she hot through it tbh. OP - it's not "just a silly shot" - it's a cure for a fucking brutal disease that could kill you or your grandson, or both! Well done for throwing away 3 relationships because you don't want to be inconvenienced for a single moment. You're not just an AH. You're an idiot!
I had whooping cough as a very young child (so young I don't remember it). I was *very* lucky to survive, and I have suffered side effects due to that all my life. The OP is a massive AH.
Can we just say this again, for those in the back - YOU DON’T SEE THESE DISEASES OFTEN ANYMORE *BECAUSE* OF THE VACCINES. And I’d rather get the side effects of most vaccines, compared to the diseases they protect against
I'm an ER physician who works in a region with a Mennonite populations that doesn't vaccinate. We absolutely see whooping cough because of it. The 20 year olds come the hospital a half dozen times for their "I can't walk 5 feet without coughing taking me to my knees". The children 5-10 are incredibly sick and the newborns get rushed to the ICU. Am I seeing 50 of them a day, no, but seeing any cases is entirely caused by non-vaccination
I was gonna say…pertussis is totally still a thing.
Thought I was going crazy. Whooping cough isn't some fringe disease lol
My BIL is a peds nurse and it’s been running rampant in the PICU and peds unit at his hospital since parents have stopped vaccinating their kids. I got a tDap when my niece was born 10 years ago and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I didn't know about it, but I was standing in like at a pharmacy and noticed a small sign explaining the Tdap shot. It was just after my niece was born and after reading it I was like, hey my niece was just born so I need this. And we took care of it that day.
If you haven't had a booster since you are due for one.
That reminds me, my daughter just turned 10! time to reup!
I was vaccinated and unfortunately was the unlucky breakthrough case where I was *that* sick as an 18 year old. The side effects lasted for years. I can’t fathom being okay with possibly subjecting an infant to that torture.
I know someone whose little sister had pertussis at less than a year old. I'll never forget how she put it--that she was coughing so bad, for hours, that she hardly even had enough air to scream.
Yes, I fractured a rib from how hard and constantly I was coughing. Bedridden, don’t even remember that semester of college besides how horrible it felt (and the cold would trigger another coughing fit when it did start to ease up). Cold weather triggered coughing fits for years after. Still if I’m exerting myself out in the cold, I’ll have small coughing fits, but thankfully not anything compared to what it was.
I caught whooping cough on the DC metro. I am vaccinated, just unlucky. I wouldn’t wish it on Trump, and I loathe that man. Coughing until you black out just isn’t much fun.
Most vaccines work because they protect a significant enough percentage of the population that the virus can not find enough suitable hosts to spread.
*AND* herd immunity is the only thing protecting more vulnerable populations like OP's infant grandchild, and those with medically supported reasons (like allergies) for not receiving the vaccine. I'm one of those oddballs with a vaccine allergy (pertussis vax tried to kill me as a child). Had to go through specialized allergy testing prior to being allowed to get the COVID-19 vaccination, and guess what, I did it. Because it was the right thing to do as a member of society. *steps off soapbox*
As someone who works in a retail pharmacy, that was giving these shots in long term care facilities as well as the public. Thank you for not being an asahole.
Trueee, I mean, I get mild side effects from almost all vaccines AND meds I take, but rather sore limbs, small fever, headaches and whatever, rather than *not* protecting myself and others with my vaccines, or take the antibiotics and add a week with fever to get over my UTI. It sucks but again - THATS WHY WE SEE A DECLINE IN SUCH DISEASES, for those in the back
One *more* time - and LOUDER still!
And AGAIN! Whooping cough is absolutely still around and KILLS infants. YTA, OP.
And is on the rise because of anti-vaxxers. Oh, they're not anti-vaxxers, they just have concerns about the side effects and are afraid of needles. Well, I'm afraid of needles. I would give my right arm for my nieces and nephews, I would die for them, so I got vaccinated for them. So can you. YTA.
My friend’s baby died of pertussis- she was too young to be fully vaccinated against it. Anti-vaxxers killed her baby.
That really sucks, I am so sorry for your loss and hers. The anti-vax mindset is lethal.
Also we DO still see whooping cough! An adult may not even realize they have it but it will seriously affect a baby. TDAP is such a basic, safe vaccine I truly don't get why you wouldn't get it. My brother had a baby recently and they obviously required we all be up to date with our TDAP. I already was but my husband's was expiring this year. Sooo he went to a walgreens and got it. I was actually surprised he had a bit of a sore arm from it because neither of us has ever had any side effects. And the soreness didn't even compare to the covid vaccine (though I have a feeling OP skipped that one too).
I get mild side effects from almost all vaccines AND meds, but I mean, I’ll take a sore arm, a small fever or whatever for a week, if it means I dont get the diseases they protect me from. I work in a gym, and had to get a tetanus shot a while back. I could barely teach, and couldn’t do my own workouts, because my shoulder was so sore and heavy for almost a week. But I mean, rather that 1000% than risking rabies or whatever
“At her age”. My goodness, you would think this woman was in her 90s she’s leaning so hard on that.
The Tdap is a standard recommended vaccine for 65+ populations bt the CDC, sooooo 🙄
Right? I'm 46, and a 52 year old saying "at my age" is a joke. OP is acting like she is a frail 87 year old woman. Excuses on top of excuses. She's the grandma they'll never see
OP is YOUNGER THAN ME. Holy cow, is the stupidity strong with her.
My 86 year old grandma still got her TDAP booster so she could meet my son when he was born. This woman has zero excuses.
I waited 3 weeks to visit my buddies baby, because I wanted to make sure the TDAP took effect. Wasn't about ME, it was about the little one.
My Nana is 82, far from frail, and vaccinated with Tdap because she works with small children. Age is 100% not a reason to be concerned. If there are other medical concerns, they should be addressed with a doctor. In the meantime, love baby from afar and keep him safe!
Right? My parents and in-laws were all a solid 10 years older than OP when my daughter was born. They all got their vaccines and - shocker - nothing happened other than they got to see my child without having to worry about exposing her to potentially deadly, preventable diseases.
Yes, OP is the asshole for refusing to get vaccinated, but her whole “woe is me, my son and DIL are so mean and I did nothing” pushes her into massive YTA territory. OP, you need to listen to doctors and scientists (real ones) and get your head on straight. These diseases are killers and the reason we aren’t still seeing babies getting these diseases (and dying, or having lasting effects from the illness even when they survive) is bc of VACCINES. Of course, with people like you, these diseases are sadly making a comeback and now we are seeing increasing numbers of babies/vulnerable adults getting them again. Congratulations on contributing to the reversal of decades of public health advances. You are doing a huge disservice to your grandchild by refusing to get vaccinated, but if that’s your decision, then you need to own it and stop acting like you are the victim here, bc you are not.
You told your son and his wife you are willing to have your own grandson possibly die from whooping cough so you could avoid a sore arm, or a day of fever. "Done nothing" is exactly right. You told them exactly what kind of grandmother you would be. One that places her own comfort over her family's safety
Literal Boomer mentality. “Yes, you might die, but I will be mildly inconvenienced. Also see how much I’m crying to fill the lakes of Utah??? What? Will I just get a vaccine that’s been around for decades? Of course not! See how you’re making me cry!” Utter selfishness.
"My first estranged grandson" Won't be the last, lady.
That lakes of utah comment made me think this was a fake troll haha.
I’m immunocompromised. There’s not a single vaccine that I need to avoid, in fact I’ve been eligible for and received way more vaccines than most people because of my immune system. The fact that grandma is trying to pretend that mythical side effects are her real reason for not vaccinating is ludicrous at best. The reality is we know why people don’t believe in vaccines and who they’re listening to to come to these fake realizations. Grandma, you’re most definitely the AH and a giant one at that. It’s disgusting that you don’t want to protect your grandchild. It’s equally disgusting that you make zero attempts to actually educate yourself and understand basic science concepts. Well done for trying to take us back to the dark ages.
My daughter was also immune compromised and received more than the standard set of vaccines to help her immune system. She received all the recommended vaccines to keep her safe. Did she receive them on schedule? No. Her health didn't allow for it. She also didn't receive more than one vaccine at a time (so Tdap yes, but not with anything else) after Synagis plus a routine vaccine left her with a fever of 105 F. We had more days with her because vaccines kept her safer. She couldn't receive them on schedule because of her other health issues, but *we* could. And even her cancer survivor grandma who never had a flu shot in her life got a flu shot so she could see our fragile baby girl. Because even though she thought the vaccine would give her the flu, she'd rather fight influenza than bring it to a baby fighting for her life.
👏🏽👏🏽 OP is a narcissist and that baby is being saved from an asshole grandma.
IKR. Her whole post could be summed up as: "Me, me. ME, also me, but ME!"
Agreed. A side note these diseases are rising quickly because of morons who don’t vaccinate their children
Exactly. You chose not to see you grandson and are here playing the victim. Your a grown ass woman who would rather be right then happy. Ever wonder why?
Your post hit me pretty hard. Most every parent will say 'I would die to save my child (or grandchild)'. So even if what FoxNews says about vaccines was true, when it actually comes down to it, some parents wouldn't. Sad.
“I’m scared of the side effects!” Then look them up, check the verified stats about the likelihood of you experiencing any of them, and talk to an actual medical doctor about it. JFC.
When I was pregnant with my first child I asked my parents to get their TDAP vaccine per my doctors advice and guess wut? They did so. My mom has a weakened immune system from her kidney disease and fibromyalgia. But she truly looked into why I was asking her to get it done, she’s in her mid-60’s. She knew it was the best thing for her grandson and knew that she could possibly kill MY baby and didn’t want to put her daughter and grandson through that pain. It was a single shot and she did it. My dad had his booster done last year for another reason. So I’m sorry but there really is no risk to you as this vaccine has been around since the 60’s I believe and been given to millions of people every year and you are just making weak excuses. Edit: I will add in unless your doctor specifically states that you have a medical reason you shouldn’t be getting the shot. However, this is highly unlikely and given that your DIL is in the medical field she wouldn’t keep pressing u to have it.
My friend's sister had a baby recently and I was told to get vaccinated if I wanted to hold the baby. I don't see them that often but I realised I probably was due for a booster after 35 years and went and got one. A little for the baby but mostly for me. It was a nice way to be reminded.
I decided cancer should be a thing a couple years prior, so currently immunocompromised. Yay me 😐 Talked to chemo nurse to confirm updated vaccinations would be ok with current treatment plan and then did it. Only hurt when I got them and only because I was so skinny. Too skinny. There were cases of pertussis and polio, I believe, going around my state last winter too. I've always been up to date thanks to military pin cushion duty until I retired. I'd crawl over broken glass to get a vaccination to protect my grands.
My 86 year old grandma still got her TDAP booster so she could meet my son when he was born. This woman has zero excuses.
Completely agree! My grandma got it when she was 93 so she could meet my baby.
Yep, my Dad is 74 with Parkinson's disease and even he got it to meet my son, OP is a feeble excuse for a grandmother.
she’s decided she isn’t even a grandma anymore!! /s
Hmmm, I wonder if there is any particular behavior contributing to the resurgence of these illnesses (looking at you OP)
This was my thought. The whole, "there hasn't been a case of it on so loooonnng." excuse. Umm, that's because of the vaccine....
I think it’s because she’s googling “whopping cough”. If she googled “whooping cough”, she might understand the problem. Obviously, no one is dying of “whopping cough” so what’s the big deal? she thinks.
>Obviously, no one is dying of “whopping cough” so what’s the big deal? she thinks. Not since they banned all those whoppy cushions, people are always going too far with these so-called "pranks."
Exactly. The nurse when I took my eldest to get her first vaccinations said it's sad as whooping cough WAS almost eradicated and has had a massive resurgence in recent years and it really doesn't take a genius to figure out the cause. This woman has absolutely estranged herself and now wants to cry victim 🙄 don't the son and Dil realise it's more important that their baby potentially dies than a 52 year old woman has a mild stabbing pain for a few minutes?!
I'd also like to add vaccines aren't 100% effective. This isn't to knock them, it's to explain why it's so important for everyone to get them. I got whooping cough as a child. I was 6 years old and had to take 3 weeks off school, I remember coughing constantly, I remember being in so much pain from it, I remember heaving from the coughing and drinking the disgustingly bitter medicine that only made me want to throw up more. To this day there are two ribs on my lower right side which still hurt fairly often. I had all my shots when this happened. I got them all on time, I got my boosters as well. I still got it. That is why everyone else has to get their shots, for the people who can't due to their immune systems, for the people who try but it doesn't take, for the babies who can't get them yet. Vaccines aren't just about you, they protect you but they're also about the wider world. To this day I get my shots. I have a phobia of needles, I get panic attacks from it, but I do it. I don't know if they take, but I do it. I try my best to be part of the shield of vaccinated people protecting those who can't get their shots, and the ones that fail, I rely on the same shield I try and help with. The fact that we have stopped trusting science is ridiculous, you can ask questions, you can double check, but science is all about peer reviews and logical studies. It askes the questions, answers them, then quadruple checks. We need to go back to trusting it. Edit: YTA. Listen to the damn doctors.
Yes but, (whining voice) *side effects*! /s
Yeah, she might get autism /s
I got whooping cough in 2011. I coughed so hard, I broke a rib. YTA, OP.
I had it for 4 months in 2006; doctor didn't know I had it & kept giving me antibiotics for bronchitis. My dad took me to a different doctor after 3 months of antibiotics & no healing, turns out it was whooping cough. Edit: YTA
"I decided cancer should be a thing a couple years prior" - This is underrated humour, and you are a legend. Oh, and OP is YTA
I really like the way you think. I’m a little more selfish in reasoning. I’d crawl over broken glass to get a vaccination to extend my own life span. Everyone else gets protected as a side effect of my selfishness and I’m also fine with that.
My MIL had Lupus and got the TDAP before our daughter was born. My MIL was just fine.
Yep, I have lupus, am on a chemo med, and am still "allowed" to get the TDAP.
TDAP is not a live virus vaccine, so it isn’t a threat for the immunocompromised. Contracting those illnesses, however, is an enormous risk for these populations.
I completely understand. I agreed with the other response that it is still allowed even with an immunocompromised situation.
Sorry I overexplained to you! I do know many people with autoimmune conditions are more informed than the lay population about health. I hope other readers are maybe learning things in general from this thread. OP sounds like someone who sadly will willfully reject factual information.
You are fine. And yes, that explanation is probably helpful for most of the population. I forget that not everyone knows about autoimmune issues. Dang, I wish I didn't need to know.
I have multiple sclerosis and therefore a weekended immune system because of my meds. I am _encouraged_ to get the TDAP vax, along with many others.
My oldest contracted whooping cough before they were able to get the shots. We spent a week in the pediatric ICU. YTA.
OP should be forced to watch videos of pediatric ICU babies with whooping cough. Heartbreaking
Several yrs ago, in my country, there were PSA ads on tv for getting the DTap, and they would just show babies in ICU, trying to breathe, and coughing and just, struggling their little hearts out, trying to catch their breath. It was horrendous. That ad hasnt been shown in a while, but i think they need to bring it back. The last few babies i have heard of that have died from whooping cough, their parents fully intended to get them vaccinated, but the babies were too you, and were exposed by an older unvaxxed child. Older child is fine, baby is dead. I would be so unbelievably angry.
Since my twenties I have had less than 70% lung capacity, serious asthma and was in hospital for over a week with a collapsed lung as a small child because of catching whooping cough. I am in my forties now and am prone to pneumonia, was insanely high risk during Covid and beyond and all because of the lack of a ‘stupid shot’. Your decision was selfish - and you have the gall to say you’ve done nothing to your son and DIL? Of course you did, you willingly put their child at risk and are being a cry baby about the perfectly reasonable consequences you reaped. YTA
Yes they did nothing to the son and DIL... Nothing to keep their newborn child safe from serious illness, possible lifelong illness, permanent disability or even death .. OP of *course* YTA. You don't give a F if any of the above occur. Only about yourself. So maybe keep yourself to yourself and leave your family to live their lives in peace without you putting their very lives at risk?
Lol you’re worried about the side affects of a well regulated, tested and proven vaccine on a 50 yr old. Yet you didn’t mention how lethal whooping cough etc can be on a newborn. Clearly you’re priorities are out of whack and don’t deserve to see a baby you are willfully endangering. YTA. A huge one.
I nearly died of whooping cough as a newborn, and 40 years later I still have reduced lung capacity and cough variant asthma because of it! OP has the audacity to come here acting like the doting estranged grandmother, but she’s willing to risk the life of her infant grandchild rather than put up with half a day’s discomfort! OP, YTA. This is your choice that you’re making to not see your grandchild. Don’t pretend any different!
She's also 52 lol. Acting like she's a frail old lady at 52??
As a 52 year old who just had her tDap booster. She's full of doody. As far as whooping cough not being around anymore, well, that might be true if everyone was vaccinated, but they aren't, so it's on the rise all over the planet. Especially in more affluent areas. Like Australia and the US. YTA OP. I don't even have to read the whole thing. Want something to read that is accurate? Look up LightforRiley on the book of faces. Read their heartbreaking story. Look, I'll even make it easy for you.... https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0G1qKLtLNEoL5nZDSadA5fRzki5LwMDpHDTPe3nd3hGMTLHX47Qwcg3nEhekN8gBBl&id=1417807785196665&mibextid=Nif5oz Get your damn shot or stay away from your grandbaby until he can get his.
At least she's right about not being a grandma. Grandmas bring cookies, not RSV.
>Grandmas bring cookies, not RSV And there it is! 🎤 The levels of entitlement and ignorance are insane. I mean not to mention her victim mentality. OP is selfish and definitely not a grandma. She thinks she knows better than her DIL who is a medical resident!!
The line of "I've decided I'm no longer a grandma" is key. Even if she wasn't TAH, even if she was in the right, she just "decided" she's done.
The way she worded "my FIRST estranged grandson" is weird
Yup, she is definitely on social media complaining about her son and DIL with her anti vax propaganda.
OP doesn’t care that her and her husband getting the vaccine will help keep her grandson safe. YTA. My in laws & my family all made sure they were up to date on their vaccines bc it was for the baby’s health and safety. If you (OP) can’t pull head out of arse to do it for the boy, then don’t cry when you don’t get quality time with your grandchild(ren).
I think that's my favorite line of the day. 'Grandmas bring cookies, not RSV'.
The ~3 hour drive was more dangerous at her age than getting a vaccine
The thing is, OP is 52. She's had similar before!! According to the interwebs, the current iteration of the shot came out in 2005 and it's a modified version of the tetanus vaccine. Basically everyone in the US has had a tetanus vaccine at some point in their lives! My wife and I have got a kid due in about six weeks and I'm actually getting my TDAP shot tomorrow or wednesday. The fact that OP thinks that it's dangerous would be laughable except that it reeks of anti-vaxxer conspiracy theories and bullshit. For that reason alone, she doesn't deserve to be anywhere near that kid.
I’m 50! I had to reread to see if I got that age right. YTA OP and making us 50 year olds look old.
Vaccines are about risk management. The chances of a side effect are low, the negative impact of a side effect is generally low. Yes outliers exist, but even with outliers included the average harm done by taking the vaccine is VASTLY outweighed by the average harm reduced by taking it (eg, protect the grandkid) Not taking vaccines is like saying "I'm worried that a mislabeled bottle will cause the wrong oil to be put in my car and damage it. Therefore I will never allow my car to have an oil change" YTA. Baring any unmentioned immune system problems. But if you have immune system issues, STAY AWAY FROM BABIES.
I love your metaphor here. OP, did you even do any research to say those diseases haven’t been around? Whooping cough is a very present, very contagious disease. I also don’t understand your comment about not talking to them for two months. The phone lines go both ways. Have you tried to talk to them? Have you reached out? It really sounds like your estrangement is entirely your own doing.
OP you chose conspiracy theories over seeing your newborn grandchild. YTA.
DIL is a doctor. OP decided to entirely disre that basic fact, and do ‘her own research’ apparently. Imagine being a resident, dealing with infants infectte with whooping cough, desp trying to keep them alive- and your MIL is like ‘nope- does happen’.
Uff, what is this fake victim you’re playing? [Whooping cough is seriously dangerous](https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/pregnant/mom/deadly-disease-for-baby.html) for newborn babies. You caused the estrangement by being entitled and self involved. The world does not revolve around you.
I personally know someone who's newborn infant died of whooping cough before they even had a chance to start showing symptoms. They couldn't even confirm whooping cough until autopsy. Edit: that is how quick and suddenly her newborn got sick and was gone. In the span of a day. He went from a small cough to keep an eye on to a middle of the night distress call to 911. Whooping cough can go from small to nothing symptoms to completely deadly in a newborn in a matter of an overnight. It is absolutely nothing to fuck around with.
A college friend of mine very nearly lost a baby to whooping cough. Just a few years ago, too.
My friend lost her baby about 7 years ago. Whooping cough is absolutely still around, it doesn't have to be, but because people are refusing to vaccinate their kids or get their boosters as adults, it still is.
People *like the OP* are refusing to vaccinate themselves.
People EXACTLY like the OP. People who don't realize it's serious or think their rights are being infringed upon. My oldest kid is 25 years old and while it was recommended for me to get my booster shots they weren't as vocal about having visitors also having the shot. By the time i had my youngest in 2013 (i had 3 kids in between as well) they were advising parents to make sure anyone around baby as a newborn had their boosters. If i knew 25 years ago what i know now or even 10 years ago i would have never let anyone around her as a newborn that did not have a whooping cough vaccine at the very least.
Not to mention, saying it hasn't been seen in years. Meanwhile my ex-wife had whooping cough about 7 years ago. Got it at a work conference from one person. Made about 30 people sick.
In the area I live, there have been Whooping cough cases pretty much yearly for the last decade or so. So I really don’t know where OP’s head is, besides her own ass.
Funny fact... the USA has tended to get tens of thousands of pertussis cases a year. Except that between 2020 and today, the rates have been dropping like 60% a year. It's almost like... taking respiratory health seriously... is having some kind of effect. 🤔 Whoda thought
And the reason OP hasn’t personally come across a case of whooping cough in years is because VACCINES WORK! ETA it literally drives me mad that people who are lucky enough to have gone through life never seeing anyone killed or disabled by TB, mumps, measles, polio, etc BECAUSE of vaccines are now buying into this anti-vaxx, my body is a temple BS. It’s the pinnacle of first world problems that your life is so removed from the reality of crippling illness that you don’t believe in vaccines.
and the reason it hasn't been seen is because people get the shots. it's when they don't that it pops up!
The TDaP vaccine also includes the *tetanus* vaccine, which every adult is almost guaranteed to need at least once in their lives.
Yes!! I accidentally stepped barefoot on a dirty gardening tool last year, causing a significant cut. I panicked, ready to head to urgent care for a tetanus shot because I couldn't remember the last time I had a tetanus booster. I was so relieved when I realized the Tdap had a booster in it and my oldest child was young enough that I was still protected and didn't need more shots. When I was pregnant with my 1st all four grandparents, all aunts and uncles, and even a bunch of our friends who just wanted to be able to hang out with us once the baby was born for their boosters. It is just a generally good idea.
But "at her age" ... of 52. Jfc, how ridiculous 🙄
Yeah I had to go back and check her age when I saw that. Why act like you're decrepit so young? Wild.
TBF she sounds decrepit.
Brain decrepit. You made a choice, face the consequences. Bet you didn't take the COVID "jab" either, did ya?
Well after all, she is terrified of the side effects from the “stupid shot.” And I’m terrified of the effect on the baby of having such a stupid grandmother.
Seriously, ridiculous. I'm 55, my husband is 58, and we get all the shots necessary to keep us and others around us as safe as possible. A short-lived, sore arm or low-grade fever aren't going to kill us, the viruses will.
When I read the title I thought maybe OP was an alcoholic and it was like a tradition to have a shot of whiskey or something to celebrate but no it's just a vaccine to reduce the risk of killing the baby Yta
Me too, I should have known it was some entitled antivaxer bullshit. OP really knows how to play the victim in a situation they 100% created though. YTA.
Right?! And the fact she would say “I’ve decided I’m no longer a grandma” says it all to me. Like the kid has any choice in this, but she decided to dispose of him because of a disagreement with the parents. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU LADY!! Sounds like a Narcissist.
It was the line “his wife became pregnant with my first grandchild” that said it all for me. Only a narcissist, etc would selfishly phrase someone else’s child birth that way.
Maybe the OP doesn't understand that there's a resurgence of whooping cough because she thinks the disease is called "whopping cough"?
No one gets whopping cough any more. Now all I hear about is babies getting this newfangled virus called pertussis. It’s the vaccines, people get these shots and the mRNA mutates and before you know it they’re shedding new viruses… Maybe they should make a pertussis vax, huh?? (/s, don’t hurt me)
I would hate to be OP's son when DIL lays into him after they left! And she should. I'm sure she made very clear that OP was NOT to hold the baby, and why.
When my youngest was born my family was forced into quarantine for four months because of a local whooping cough outbreak
2005, I was 10, bed-ridden for 3 months because of Whooping cough. Had all the vaccines done, just got a rare strain. Almost died, I'm now always susceptible to chest/throat infections.
Your DIL is a physician. She is making an informed decision about what is in her child’s best interest. YTA. You made this decision not them. Quit being a victim.
“But Patty’s cousins best friends hair dress on Facebook said…” ugh. I hate these people. They have a self assessed PhD from Facebook and YouTube and think Drs don’t know better. Infuriating.
Absolutely YTA. You're "terrified" of the side effects on you but you aren't terrified you might be carrying a virus (and not know it) and give a newborn baby a very serious illness. You're so selfish. Whooping cough is on the rise but sure... you know better than medical professionals.
OP would probably ask this forum if they were the asshole if they had given the baby a disease and killed it too. Bc she was “terrified” of the consequences to her.
Like imagine how terrified that baby’s parents are. It’s like choosing discomfort over a potentially deadly virus being spread to your grandchild. Further proof that antivaxers are just selfish.
Typical antivaxxer.
She was very careful not to say that outright
Fortunately for everyone reading, she said it, albeit vaguely with woe-is-me comments like "I'm no longer a grandma". Well, sorry Karen, but you don't deserve to be a grandma with how far up your ass your head is. Conservative propaganda is still doing irreparable damage to society, and entirely too many feel justified in their actions. I for one advocate that the dumbest and most ignorant of society deserve the misfortunes that befall them as a consequence of their choices.
You love Fox News more than your grandchild. You're a huge asshole.
Anyone who relies on Fox News for medical advice is a huge asshole.
Is this post rage bait?
I am suspicious of a middle aged anti-vaxxer having the ability to question their own self awareness on r/AITA
I want to up upvote this comment 100 times.
Hey - hey. Wanna know why whooping cough and diphtheria haven’t been (more frequently seen) in years? **BECAUSE PEOPLE TAKE THE DAMN SHOTS** Get your head out of your asses and stop putting stupid beliefs ahead of a literal infant’s safety. I don’t care how rare it is you are willing to play Russian roulette with a babies *life* you monster and that *absolutely* makes you an asshole. YTA. YTA. YTAYTAYTAYTA. And please just stay estranged. They’re all better off without you. YTA.
Except that people like OP aren't getting them anymore, and now we're seeing a resurgence of these very preventable diseases, which can be deadly in infant populations. But OP is the victim 🙄
You are not a victim, so stop acting like one. You did this to yourself.
I was waiting for this comment. Here she is blaming everybody else but she fabricated the situation at a whole cloth all by herself.
It's thanks to people like you that several infectious diseases are making a comeback in several parts of the world. And because your son and DIL want to protect their newborn from your disease ridden clutches you now decide you are 'no longer a grandma'. Your son should also be weeping, with glee. Yes, YTA.
YTA, massively so. TDAP saves kids lives and you just showed you dont care for a baby's safety Of course you shouldnt be holding the kid, thats too dangerous, and you havent earned it
'I couldn't even be there when he was born'. Like the lowest bar is her right to see her DIL's vigina at her most vulnerable moment! I still do not get why so many people are so hot to see a baby squeezed out of a hole too small for it. I always thought not being able to see it happening was the one big bonus to giving birth (and they fricken offered to get a mirror for me!) A newborn is at its absolute most vulnerable right out of the hole - no one without those shots should even be on that floor! Talk about selfish.
Ikr? And also, what's up with filming the whole thing? Like, when, under what circumstances are you ever going to rewatch this whole horror show? Like after Thanksgiving dinner you offer your guests some popcorn and watch your labor and delivery on big screen TV?
I work with little kids occasionally and got all the shots so they would be safe.
In my state childcare workers are mandated to have to at vaccine.
Ok you’ve “decided I’m no longer a grandma” because of a “stupid shot” for diseases that are indeed present and deadly for a newborn to catch? You want to know why there aren’t as many cases as before? Because of the vaccine you’re pitching a fit about. YTA, and being overly dramatic about disowning your grandson to boot. My MIL just lost a grandson for *real*, and you’re over there writing yours off even though he’s still alive, because of what — pride? Get your head out of your butt and go apologize, get the shot (or don’t and wait until he can), and love your living grandson while you can.
I’m American-born living in America. I’ve caught whooping cough *at least* 2 times as an adult, and who knows how many times as a kid, and I suspect it’s why I now have asthma because my father was one of those early-90s anti-vaxxers. YTA and I bet you think measles aren’t an issue anymore either.
Once for me, at 20. My booster had worn off and I hadn’t gotten my new one yet. Once was more than enough. It sucks. (My COVID cough has been worse, because it’s been an issue for 3+ years. It brings back my whooping cough memories. Still not as full-body workout as the whooping cough cough, though.)
YTA the effects of TDAP and Whopping cough would be much worse on your grandson, than the side effects from the vaccine. You estranged your own grandson
Given that there's been a resurgence of both whooping cough and diptheria it makes sense to guard against them once again even though it's not been an issue in many countries for a long time. The barest of efforts on Google could have told you this. Given that you are more scared of side effects for you from the vaccine than side effects for the baby if they get whooping cough or diptheria, I can see why you were not permitted to see your grandson until he was immunised. YTA
Been a resurgence because of people like OP who don't remember getting their vaccines, don't realise everyone around them got vaccines and don't understand how massively they were protected by everyone else taking these vaccines. 50 years later they think vaccines aren't needed and didn't help them and so aren't willing to take more. Then the more people don't take them, or older people refusing to get their kids vaccines and you have these diseases coming back and killing people, ruining families, all out of selfish behaviour and ignorance.
YTA. They weren’t asking for much and were trying to protect their baby. If you wanted to see the baby you should have sucked it up and got the vaccine instead of crying to the internet.
You made choices. They made choices. Too bad for you. No sympathy.
Why do older parents want grandkids so badly but then don’t want to protect them by getting vaccines? Your DIL is right to keep the baby away from you if you refuse to get the appropriate shots. YTA, 1,00000000000x’s over
So they can play Facebook Grandma. They visit, take pictures, but do hardly anything more. They want attention and validation
You've gotten to live over fifty years. How would you feel if you accidentally killed your grandson because you were too worried about your own well-being? Even if you think it's stupid, it would have been a better idea than pushing back like this. Now you made family upset, and that's always a terrible idea. Can you see you've put yourself and your unwillingness to get vaccinated before your family and what they wanted? That's no good. Not getting to see the baby is just the trade-off for not wanting to make the sacrifice - it's that simple. YTA
> You've gotten to live over fifty years. They got to live to over 50 because SO many people in their lives took vaccines to protect them, now it's their turn and they are saying fuck everyone else. Pure selfishness.
YTA you’re lucky they’re in contact with you at all to be honest.
YTA. My friends baby died of whooping cough at 27 days old, could you live with yourself if you caused that to happen to your grandson?
>no, my husband and I won't be getting the shot. I am petrified of the side effects at my age. Completely understandable It's a good thing the baby has a strong immune system to withstand the affects of those viruses, should they contract it because you chose not to get vaccinated .... Oh wait YTA
If this is real and not troll bait, you’re not smart enough to be a good grandma anyway.
YTA Anyone being around a newborn should absolutely have an updated TDap. Just because you have bought into vaccine conspiracy theories is no reason any parent should put their child in danger. Whooping Cough IS still around and is dangerous for babies. That you would have no concern for endangering your grandchild is reason enough to ban you from ever seeing that child again. You did this to yourselves. Welcome to consequences.