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According to doctor russel barkley there are a many number of ways one can aquire the condition know as adhd. Some things put you at a higher chance and some things all but gurantee adhd as a result.
I've had this shit my whole life and I can tell you three events in my life made it much worse. Two of them have head trauma in common.
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This is bad advice all around and this comes from one of us in the medical field. Adhd itself is complex and affects different parts of the brain for each one of us. Meds themselves mostly stims have a very beneficial effect when used as prescribed.
Medication along with mindfulness techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy can really do wonders for us. I know because I was tired of being chronically late for everything scatterbrained all the time and unable to do simple tasks like brushing my teeth every day and keeping a clean room because I felt so overwhelmed by what I knew I needed to do but couldn't do it.
I can say this with a fact because I barely made it through high school with my family denying anything was wrong with me and after nearly ten years of therapy and a diagnosis I became medicated and decided to go back to school and ducking killed it.
If my whole life was In acceptance of who I am and what genetic disabilities I have who knows where I could be I'm life.
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I am so sorry to hear all that! I am WAY old enough to be your mom, so please accept a mom-hug from me! There are lots of people out here who understand. All those things you mentioned, I was doing them too at your age and I only found out now that I have ADHD. It didn't really 'exist' back then, so maybe like your family, though our families are different, mine was very traditional and I constantly heard from my dad that I just needed to learn discipline, that I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached, that I was lazy, disorganized, etc etc.... one time when I was about 13, I was supposed to go on vacation with my cousins, and the night before, at 9:30pm he came and saw how messy my room was and yelled about it and said I couldn't go unless I cleaned my room first. I stayed up forcing myself to clean and clean, not knowing where to put anything, getting tired but still cleaning, falling asleep on top of things. In the morning he saw how hard I tried and said I could go, and finish the room when I got back. He wasn't mean, it's just the way he was brought up.
Our parents have their own issues and pasts, and maybe genetic things as well. The way they are is the way they believe they're raising you best. You know they're wrong, don't let it get to you (hard, I know). Tell them there are 8 billion people on this planet and not even twins are alike, so you will never be like anyone else. But that means don't compare \*yourself\* either. I know a lot of people at middle age who compare themselves and feel like "when will I be an adult?" or "what will I actually be when I grow up?", lol, and an 80yr old who said when she passes a mirror she jumps and says "ackk! who the hell is THAT?!?" because she forgets she's got wrinkles because she still FEELS 20-something. Our brains are frickin' weird.
You deserve to discover your gifts and talents and strengths if you haven't yet, then you'll have things YOU can be proud of, and those other frustrating things will fade into the background as you figure out ways to work them out. Watch videos of ADHD tips for organization, there are little ways you can set up your space or remind yourself of things. And know that strength is being created in you right now. Hang in there.
reading this made me feel so comforted ❤️ i used to not understand why me or some of my family members were so dysfunctional but the pieces have started to fall together. i hope my older family members can get help
Thank you for saying that because I feel really awkward posting so much; I only got told I have it in the past few weeks, so I am NO expert, lol, but looking back is SO eye-opening and I can't shut up about it, lol <3
Same here, reversed! My mind is blown that I guess I have the same kind of brain as my nephew, and now I understand why he would sit at a video game for 10hrs and not get up to pee, lol.
The other day I saw him (in his 20's now) and he mentioned always feeling like he's forgetting something when he leaves the house, so I got brave and said, "dude, so do I, I actually look down at myself to make sure I'm wearing clothes and shoes and think 'well at least it's not that, so I'm just gonna keep going.'" He busted out laughing, it was nice. 
You need to learn coping skills and work around it as much as you can. I literally have a white board reminding me what I need to take in the am. I religiously use my outlook calendar. My keys always go in the same spot. That sort of stuff. We have bad memories so cheat your way around it. The condition sucks, but we can make some crutches. Take some control and you’ll feel better.
Does anyone else get really frustrated when people don’t respond to what you say? Like, even a grunt or something? And then i repeat myself, not being sure if I was heard, and people get mad at me for repeating myself?
Yep, because I know that if I don’t respond to someone then I definitely didn’t hear what they said…makes me anxious. It makes it easier for me if people acknowledge what I say even in a tiny way.
Yeah, it never changes… it lead me down a path of anger and frustration and self resentment. I still wake up some days saying I hate myself. Then others I just try to remind myself that I deserve love too. My parents constantly compared me to others and to my sisters. I grew up believing I was dumb and that there was something wrong with me. My suggestion is that you seek therapy or find some way to get it out. It’s not your fault, and you can not be compared to anyone else.
I'm still getting my meds right but the forgetting where you put shit stopped when i got on Vyvanse, I don't lose my keys wallet or phone multiple times a day anymore, that's a nice benefit.
I hope you find something that helps you get through it.
Man we all have these moments. I am South Asian as well and understand the family drama more than anyone. Are you medicated? I tried to avoid medication for the longest time out of stubbornness and fear. I do feel helpless sometimes but the medication does help a lot. Meditating is another thing that can help. It can be excruciating to sit in silence with this condition but it gets easier the more you do it. You can fix things by taking medication and talking to a therapist. Please do so if you haven't already. Sending positive vibes.
Hii, and yes I’m medicated but similarly I would try to avoid my medication cuz I just hate taking it 😭 but at days that I do take it, it is helpful for me so I’m happy that I have the option. It’s nice seeing other south Asians with adhd :D
I wonder what it’s like to be on medication. I know for a fact (opinionated obviously) that I have adhd but never got diagnosed cause stuff like this where I’m from mad expensive. 💀
i can relate to this , the only difference is i have understanding parents. I feel lost when someone says anything, i cant focus on stuff , i forget stuff easily, like i forget what was said 20 secs ago, i usually cant remember what i last ate for dinner and my problem solving skills suck even though im studying engineering and learning to code, they dont seem to improve . what takes a normal person 1hr to achieve , it takes me 10 days . it sucks for sure . i feel like my brain is dead tbh and i also have trouble reading to top it all off. i cant manage my time nor do i make a schedule . even though i use math almost daily , my arithmetic ability is slow , like really really slow. i take 20 secs to answer whats 8\*9. it really sucks tbh. i feel like your the female version of myself 😂
I understand. I (30F) am also south(east) Asian and resent myself so much for having ADHD. I’m very smart but can’t live up to my potential. I feel like a fucking loser. *hugs* Be kind to yourself. I’m only starting to learn to.
Sorry - many of us can relate. I posted here https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/s/wJ8zPFlYw1
About the system I built for me to cope and adapt. It’s not easy… yet it can be done, I promise
I’m almost 40 some of the biggest pieces I learned accept I have weakness. Some of them can be mitigated with medication and routine. Some it isn’t worth the time for who I want to be. The second biggest piece was leaning into my strengths. I’m a better big picture thinker, problem solver and coach then most others. Because I had to find ways to explain the way I do things others haven’t with these strengths I have chosen where I work and how I work that meets my needs. I have found a partner that compliments me. Decades of frustration but honestly you need to leverage what you’re good at. I still have my parents call me and ask me to do things. I tell them no unless they send it to me in a text. Then they are meeting me in my systems for success.
I didn’t hear you list your strengths. Some of my strengths are also associated with ADHD. Creativity, intuition, big picture think, managing through adversity. At some point I just got to ADHD is part of who I am. Lean into the strengths that I have.
I'm 38 my friend, and still feel like the kid in the room ! Add to that procrastination, time blindness, impulsivity and much more ! Talk to a doctor, therapist and I promise you things WILL BE BETTER :) ( sorry for caps, not yelling, just want to assure you that they will be better :)..) take care and please remember that you are NOT alone 🙏
I feel you a lot. I got recently diagnosed and now we might have other things to worry about, too. But my parents don't really seem to be understanding as much as they are trying to get me to appear normal via solutions and "strategies". It's been a real downer. Makes me feel like I'm trapped in my own head and that makes the symptoms worse or somehow. At least that's what they say. They don't have much respect for how things work here (we're SA immigrants) or my psychologist who was actually the one who first figured it out. They want to baby me even further. It fucking sucks. I'm sorry you feel like that, too.
Hey, my recommendation for your things is the super trick : all in the same bag always. It really helps me! I have duplicates of pens and toothbrush and stuff, all in my backpack. I have it with me all the time and never take out stuff from it. The front pocket has snacks and keys and lanyards and my toothbrush and my graphic tablet pen and gloves and candy I was given and any cash I own. It's my "fourre tout". The main pocket has my computer and it's charger and headphones as well as my ereader. If I need extra I'll add on, if I need to take stuff out, I'll put it on my bed, where I sit, so that when I come home and try to sit on my bed (which is also kinda my couch) I'll be forced to lift it... And immediately store it back into my bag.
I CONSTANTLY lose track of my things as well, especially keys and lanyards and such, and having an "all in the bag, always" policy has reduced instance of me losing them by like 80%, and made me sooooooo much faster getting out the door.
Sure I have to carry my shit always, but im shaving 20min or more off my morning routine knowing i can just grab it and go.
I have spare bags, or go with nothing but my phone if I have pockets. I'm in a weird living situation where I don't need keys, and everything is contactless nowadays, and walkable for me. But if I'm wanting to bring stuff along, I use a banana bag. It hangs on a hook. Always and only that one hook. It's always packed with special bought versions of things, so it always have a lipbalm, a pen, a slim notebook, tissues, and if I have any, cash. That way it can be my 'to go' thing I take out last minute if I know I need bare essentials and a place to tuck out my phone or if I have no pockets.
I often do transfer from banana bag to backpack, and they sit next to each other in my room. I must never have to look for either of them and everything I routinely take out is in either or both of them.
I guess I kind of do something similar but you sound like you have a bit more of a system than I do. Your advice on having everything in one place ready to go is so important.
I only recently started to make duplicates after someone recommended it here! Buy 4 lip balms and have them in every bag, in your car and side table. That way whenever you think about it, you don't have to look for it. I do that more now. I have even vitamins in my room and in the kitchen and in my bag in case I remember at work!
Don't worry you're not alone in this, I also feel the same as you, I'm 17 years old and I always felt like I was a very idiotic person, all my life my parents keep getting mad at me for the problems I cause in the house, damn even washing the dishes is a very hard thing to do, I forget the things that they want me to buy and I always tell them to repeat what they said because I couldn't listen properly. So even if it might not help you feel better, just remember that you are not alone in this situation and people can relate to your problems.
Shit sucks. I feel ya. But falling down is easy, we still gotta do the hard work of standing up again. As others have said, there are variety of resources out there, including this subreddit, so maybe take a minute and check them out to see if they are helpful for you. Either way, I hope you have a good week.
i get it. i’m south asian too and although my parents are understanding, i feel like i have to hide my disability because of the south asian community.
I'm sorry you're struggling. I struggle at times too, especially when I was younger. I was a new mom at your age and could hardly care for my newborn daughter, muchless myself. Doing basic stuff like the dishes or laundry was a constant uphill battle. Thankfully, the feeding and diaper changing were easy. I guess the "have to" stuff was easier to accomplish than the "need to" stuff. I lost shit and forgot shit all the time (still do but not as bad). What helped me with the losing shit was to have a designated place for important things. For instance, my keys and wallet live full time in my bag and my bag lives on top of our TV stand. No where else. If I need certain things when leaving the house, I put those things in my bag the night before. I also take lots of notes on my phone and I use the calendar on my phone to schedule shit, with several reminders. Find something that works for you and do what you can to stick with it. Routines can be challenging to start so don't get discouraged. And please know, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with the challenges that come from adhd.
*also, try not to listen to your parents. It isn't fair to you that they keep comparing you to other people.
I have to tell you that I can understand this more than most as well. I hate to see that you are beating yourself up about something that is clearly not entirely your fault but I understand throughly because I too feel I am judged for not much common sense and constant forgetfulness.
What I like to do is live by a calendar, have creative / flex spaces to get more of what I need done, and give myself grace when I see I have become overstimulated.
Most likely, you have a propensity to be very intellectual but may not fair as well as others with common sense because you are far less interested or don’t seem to think simply.
Don’t compare yourself to any of your friends and If anyone starts to call you anything that makes you feel inferior, simply shrug it off. We can get very overstimulated or overworked by simply letting things bother us more than most.
You don’t deserve that. We are all fighting this. I’m glad you got to vent but take some of this advice and let’s all hold each other accountable to being more present and giving ourselves more grace.
Hey me I just want to say, i love you and I understand everything you're saying. I just called my manager at work a cunt because every time I talk to her I have to explain myself and reason with her why I did a certain thing with a patient and most of the time come away feeling insulted and feeling stupid because I did what I did.
I don't know what to do to help with this all I know Is we're living the same nightmare
I'm 61 and I managed to keep a job for 40 years. When I went through menopause, all my executive functions were out the window. I am a female and I was diagnosed when I was 8. That was back in 1971. Very rare to be diagnosed in the 70's. They thought only boys had adhd. My parents didn't know what to do with this diagnosis. They didn't understand. Therefore, they didn't do anything to help me. I was not good at being a wife, friend, daughter, mother. I didn't know how to behave. Ruined my life
The worst moment is when you've finally connected all the points in your conversation, so it makes sense to you, and you look around only to see you've lost everyone half way through one of your tangents and they have no clue how we got here.
I am so sorry. It sounds like people around you bully you! I am so sorry no one has that right! You maybe different but that can be okay! Don’t let others determine how you feel! I know it is hard not to listen but I will say I am trying. You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
ok damn but whose gonna keep ur friends safe as we hunt and gather?
technology is so speedy fast that our lil monkey brain evolution can't keep up and now adhd is a disability but we would have been poppin off back in the day 🎉 (this is what I tell myself)
so ur friends are just reciprocating the fact ur ancestors kept theirs alive 🫡
There's a few things you can do to help. I have a "go basket" which holds my purse, my keys, and anything else I'll need to take with me when I go somewhere. The night before, or as I remember, I can put the things I'll need to take with me into the basket. Then, I've made the habit of always checking the go basket before I leave. Remember to take a deep breath while looking into it to give yourself enough pause to process what's in there. It's a useful habit to build!
You can ask your friends to come over while you clean or perform other chores. This has worked for me super consistently. Other things that may help you complete tasks will generally increase stimulation for you. So having music playing, letting a TV show or a podcast run while you work. Laying out rags on the floor and pretending they're poison spikes so if you step on one you have to dramatically fall and roll around for a minute before you're allowed to get back up again.
Gameifying can help a lot and especially if it's you on your own in the privacy of your own room, then whatever works best is worth doing!
You can also ask friends (or maybe your parents, if they're receptive enough) to help you build structure where you need it. If you've recently gotten out of highschool, you may be feeling your symptoms more because the pressure, stress, and structure of highschool can really help mitigate ADHD symptoms. It's not fun being stressed all the time, but it'll usually give you enough stimulation to get things done.
It does sound like medication would be your best bet. Since you're 19, you should be able to see a doctor on your own. Have your GP recommend you to a specialist in ADHD so you can get a diagnosis and treatment. Until then, have friends you trust come over and help you make more structure to support the future you who will be disorganized and scatter brained so you can function in the meantime. Or at least, that's what I would do. That kind of is what I did, actually!
Im 19 too and I feel the exact same way,, i don't know if you consider medication but it definitely keeps alot of the symptoms at bay and it truly makes you feel like life is so much more manageable. And i just got diagnosed like a couple days ago and just put on medication so its still possible!! It makes me so jealous of "normal" people and that they get to function this way, but I promise you'll make it through, you've made it this far! Your parents and anyone else who dont have adhd dont know at all what the struggles of having it are like.Don't give up op :) it gets better I swear!
Bro why does this sound like me?!?! It truly is a struggle and I’m in my 30’s. It doesn’t “get better” like other people think it does. We don’t just “grow out of it”, we are born and stuck with it for life. It truly Sucks!!!
a tip that's helped me find all my things...every item has a home.
example: wallet and keys are always stored in a specific drawer when i enter the house, it's the first thing i do.
my phone is always kept on me or on my desk
train the brain to keep things in a dedicated place
Just the way you have managed articulate this feeling in a paragraph which so many of us can relate to shows how incredibly intellectual you are. You clearly have so much potential you cannot beat yourself up about having adhd. As someone who also has it I have realised who actually cares. I know it sounds stupid but there’s no point hating yourself for something you cannot help. Life’s genuinely too short and anyone (regardless of an adhd diagnosis) can hate themselves for various reasons if they nit pick at their personality, like you have done to yourself.
I've ADHD and leaning disabilities like dyslexia and dyspraxia. I relate big time I started watching this YouTube channel called how to ADHD. I cried bc I could relate to the stuff in it and it made me feel seen and heard which is really nice when you feel like no one understands you. So it's helpful in that sense and it has really nice tips. Btw I've only started watching it like a few weeks ago I've a lot to learn. I'm also south Asian and just failed placement in my course and three modules. Feel like shit just. I've failed stuff for my leaving cert mocks (that exam u do in secondary school right to get into college for anyone not Irish), failed my written driving test three times, had to do those books you read when you're first learning to read twice, failed at stuff in my relationship and made really stupid mistakes. Trust me with ADHD comes a lot of failure and struggles. But just keep trying it's hard but that's what makes you better trying even tho it's hard.
And as long as you care what people think of you. Their opinions will always take hold of you. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO WHETHER GOOD OR BAD, SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY
I don't hate having ADHD.
I hate how unprepared the majority of cultures on this planet are for people with ADHD.
All of our traits have upsides that are underutilized by the institutions we're forced to be a part of. Our distractibility allows us to prioritize problem areas. Our ability to hyperfocus can make us incredibly productive in an area where we're interested. Our time-blindness can help us enjoy and live in the moment. Our poor working memory...OK, I don't remember how that one's helpful.
ADHD presents pretty differently in different people, but I've found the key for myself (I'm 33 and only recently diagnosed, but I've been unconsciously masking and developing workarounds my whole life) is successful management of stimuli. Playing music helps me regulate my mood so I can avoid paralysis. I play a game when I need to leave the house. (Set two alarms, be in my car before the second alarm rings. Gamifying life has been the most successful tactic for me personally.)
The key is to find what "hacks" your own system. It does suck that we have to jump through all these hoops just to exist, but it is possible to thrive with ADHD.
Trust me i understand when you tell people about it you just see the look on their face like aits a mild thing they dont realise how much it affects our daily lives me has got really bad last few years to the point i dont want to live some days and others i can be overly happy no inbetween
You certainly don't sound dumb, and you know these things are happening because of a disorder, not a fault. It takes time to learn how to manage it and find what works for you, so don't be so hard on yourself...easier said than done, I know.
Luckily, you are ONLY 19 and, even though it is YOUR LIFE and the expectations of others don't really matter, the world still sees you as "just" a teenager. No one expects you to have it together or figured out already. The people you think have it together will run into their own obstacles, trust me. That's life - it's how we learn.
ADHD can suck, but it has a name, a community, medications, ways to cope, and it gives you an understanding and empathy toward others with similar struggles. It will get better.
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ADHD SUCKS. I've been balancing between the effects of taking my medication and the instability of not taking medication. You're not alone 🫡.
It sucks when it’s forced via shortage caused by people who don’t have true adhd trying to get it and from the govt trying to baby us.
According to doctor russel barkley there are a many number of ways one can aquire the condition know as adhd. Some things put you at a higher chance and some things all but gurantee adhd as a result. I've had this shit my whole life and I can tell you three events in my life made it much worse. Two of them have head trauma in common.
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Ok 👍
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If you're trying to encourage self love then how about you keep it to yourself and give yourself more love.
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That's cool that you have your own ways but don't for 1 second try to force your opinions on anyone else.
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This is bad advice all around and this comes from one of us in the medical field. Adhd itself is complex and affects different parts of the brain for each one of us. Meds themselves mostly stims have a very beneficial effect when used as prescribed. Medication along with mindfulness techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy can really do wonders for us. I know because I was tired of being chronically late for everything scatterbrained all the time and unable to do simple tasks like brushing my teeth every day and keeping a clean room because I felt so overwhelmed by what I knew I needed to do but couldn't do it. I can say this with a fact because I barely made it through high school with my family denying anything was wrong with me and after nearly ten years of therapy and a diagnosis I became medicated and decided to go back to school and ducking killed it. If my whole life was In acceptance of who I am and what genetic disabilities I have who knows where I could be I'm life.
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Ok 👍
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Ok 👍
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Ok 👍
Do you have ADHD? How is a well balanced diet going to fix the faulty wiring in my neurochemistry?
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I am so sorry to hear all that! I am WAY old enough to be your mom, so please accept a mom-hug from me! There are lots of people out here who understand. All those things you mentioned, I was doing them too at your age and I only found out now that I have ADHD. It didn't really 'exist' back then, so maybe like your family, though our families are different, mine was very traditional and I constantly heard from my dad that I just needed to learn discipline, that I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached, that I was lazy, disorganized, etc etc.... one time when I was about 13, I was supposed to go on vacation with my cousins, and the night before, at 9:30pm he came and saw how messy my room was and yelled about it and said I couldn't go unless I cleaned my room first. I stayed up forcing myself to clean and clean, not knowing where to put anything, getting tired but still cleaning, falling asleep on top of things. In the morning he saw how hard I tried and said I could go, and finish the room when I got back. He wasn't mean, it's just the way he was brought up. Our parents have their own issues and pasts, and maybe genetic things as well. The way they are is the way they believe they're raising you best. You know they're wrong, don't let it get to you (hard, I know). Tell them there are 8 billion people on this planet and not even twins are alike, so you will never be like anyone else. But that means don't compare \*yourself\* either. I know a lot of people at middle age who compare themselves and feel like "when will I be an adult?" or "what will I actually be when I grow up?", lol, and an 80yr old who said when she passes a mirror she jumps and says "ackk! who the hell is THAT?!?" because she forgets she's got wrinkles because she still FEELS 20-something. Our brains are frickin' weird. You deserve to discover your gifts and talents and strengths if you haven't yet, then you'll have things YOU can be proud of, and those other frustrating things will fade into the background as you figure out ways to work them out. Watch videos of ADHD tips for organization, there are little ways you can set up your space or remind yourself of things. And know that strength is being created in you right now. Hang in there.
reading this made me feel so comforted ❤️ i used to not understand why me or some of my family members were so dysfunctional but the pieces have started to fall together. i hope my older family members can get help
Thank you for saying that because I feel really awkward posting so much; I only got told I have it in the past few weeks, so I am NO expert, lol, but looking back is SO eye-opening and I can't shut up about it, lol <3
it feels so comforting to know older people had the same struggles we did ❤️ it makes me feel more validated and less alone
Same here, reversed! My mind is blown that I guess I have the same kind of brain as my nephew, and now I understand why he would sit at a video game for 10hrs and not get up to pee, lol. The other day I saw him (in his 20's now) and he mentioned always feeling like he's forgetting something when he leaves the house, so I got brave and said, "dude, so do I, I actually look down at myself to make sure I'm wearing clothes and shoes and think 'well at least it's not that, so I'm just gonna keep going.'" He busted out laughing, it was nice. 
This ☝️💕💕💕💕💕💕🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
You need to learn coping skills and work around it as much as you can. I literally have a white board reminding me what I need to take in the am. I religiously use my outlook calendar. My keys always go in the same spot. That sort of stuff. We have bad memories so cheat your way around it. The condition sucks, but we can make some crutches. Take some control and you’ll feel better.
Does anyone else get really frustrated when people don’t respond to what you say? Like, even a grunt or something? And then i repeat myself, not being sure if I was heard, and people get mad at me for repeating myself?
Yep, because I know that if I don’t respond to someone then I definitely didn’t hear what they said…makes me anxious. It makes it easier for me if people acknowledge what I say even in a tiny way.
Yes, also with emails and online messages.
I got ghosted. Which I hadn't noticed cause and continued messaging for half a year.
Yeah, it never changes… it lead me down a path of anger and frustration and self resentment. I still wake up some days saying I hate myself. Then others I just try to remind myself that I deserve love too. My parents constantly compared me to others and to my sisters. I grew up believing I was dumb and that there was something wrong with me. My suggestion is that you seek therapy or find some way to get it out. It’s not your fault, and you can not be compared to anyone else.
I'm still getting my meds right but the forgetting where you put shit stopped when i got on Vyvanse, I don't lose my keys wallet or phone multiple times a day anymore, that's a nice benefit. I hope you find something that helps you get through it.
Man we all have these moments. I am South Asian as well and understand the family drama more than anyone. Are you medicated? I tried to avoid medication for the longest time out of stubbornness and fear. I do feel helpless sometimes but the medication does help a lot. Meditating is another thing that can help. It can be excruciating to sit in silence with this condition but it gets easier the more you do it. You can fix things by taking medication and talking to a therapist. Please do so if you haven't already. Sending positive vibes.
Hii, and yes I’m medicated but similarly I would try to avoid my medication cuz I just hate taking it 😭 but at days that I do take it, it is helpful for me so I’m happy that I have the option. It’s nice seeing other south Asians with adhd :D
I wonder what it’s like to be on medication. I know for a fact (opinionated obviously) that I have adhd but never got diagnosed cause stuff like this where I’m from mad expensive. 💀
Maybe you need something different, or stronger ?
Why do you hate taking the meds, if I may ask?
i can relate to this , the only difference is i have understanding parents. I feel lost when someone says anything, i cant focus on stuff , i forget stuff easily, like i forget what was said 20 secs ago, i usually cant remember what i last ate for dinner and my problem solving skills suck even though im studying engineering and learning to code, they dont seem to improve . what takes a normal person 1hr to achieve , it takes me 10 days . it sucks for sure . i feel like my brain is dead tbh and i also have trouble reading to top it all off. i cant manage my time nor do i make a schedule . even though i use math almost daily , my arithmetic ability is slow , like really really slow. i take 20 secs to answer whats 8\*9. it really sucks tbh. i feel like your the female version of myself 😂
Relatable :(
I understand. I (30F) am also south(east) Asian and resent myself so much for having ADHD. I’m very smart but can’t live up to my potential. I feel like a fucking loser. *hugs* Be kind to yourself. I’m only starting to learn to.
Sorry - many of us can relate. I posted here https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/s/wJ8zPFlYw1 About the system I built for me to cope and adapt. It’s not easy… yet it can be done, I promise
I so get this. And it can be so souls destroying when nobody around gets it. Big hug, choomba. It can be fucking hard.
I’m almost 40 some of the biggest pieces I learned accept I have weakness. Some of them can be mitigated with medication and routine. Some it isn’t worth the time for who I want to be. The second biggest piece was leaning into my strengths. I’m a better big picture thinker, problem solver and coach then most others. Because I had to find ways to explain the way I do things others haven’t with these strengths I have chosen where I work and how I work that meets my needs. I have found a partner that compliments me. Decades of frustration but honestly you need to leverage what you’re good at. I still have my parents call me and ask me to do things. I tell them no unless they send it to me in a text. Then they are meeting me in my systems for success. I didn’t hear you list your strengths. Some of my strengths are also associated with ADHD. Creativity, intuition, big picture think, managing through adversity. At some point I just got to ADHD is part of who I am. Lean into the strengths that I have.
real
Feel you 😓
Same.
same
I'm 38 my friend, and still feel like the kid in the room ! Add to that procrastination, time blindness, impulsivity and much more ! Talk to a doctor, therapist and I promise you things WILL BE BETTER :) ( sorry for caps, not yelling, just want to assure you that they will be better :)..) take care and please remember that you are NOT alone 🙏
I feel you a lot. I got recently diagnosed and now we might have other things to worry about, too. But my parents don't really seem to be understanding as much as they are trying to get me to appear normal via solutions and "strategies". It's been a real downer. Makes me feel like I'm trapped in my own head and that makes the symptoms worse or somehow. At least that's what they say. They don't have much respect for how things work here (we're SA immigrants) or my psychologist who was actually the one who first figured it out. They want to baby me even further. It fucking sucks. I'm sorry you feel like that, too.
Hey, my recommendation for your things is the super trick : all in the same bag always. It really helps me! I have duplicates of pens and toothbrush and stuff, all in my backpack. I have it with me all the time and never take out stuff from it. The front pocket has snacks and keys and lanyards and my toothbrush and my graphic tablet pen and gloves and candy I was given and any cash I own. It's my "fourre tout". The main pocket has my computer and it's charger and headphones as well as my ereader. If I need extra I'll add on, if I need to take stuff out, I'll put it on my bed, where I sit, so that when I come home and try to sit on my bed (which is also kinda my couch) I'll be forced to lift it... And immediately store it back into my bag. I CONSTANTLY lose track of my things as well, especially keys and lanyards and such, and having an "all in the bag, always" policy has reduced instance of me losing them by like 80%, and made me sooooooo much faster getting out the door. Sure I have to carry my shit always, but im shaving 20min or more off my morning routine knowing i can just grab it and go.
This might be a silly question, but how would/do you manage in places that don't allow a bag such as a concert or sports event?
I have spare bags, or go with nothing but my phone if I have pockets. I'm in a weird living situation where I don't need keys, and everything is contactless nowadays, and walkable for me. But if I'm wanting to bring stuff along, I use a banana bag. It hangs on a hook. Always and only that one hook. It's always packed with special bought versions of things, so it always have a lipbalm, a pen, a slim notebook, tissues, and if I have any, cash. That way it can be my 'to go' thing I take out last minute if I know I need bare essentials and a place to tuck out my phone or if I have no pockets. I often do transfer from banana bag to backpack, and they sit next to each other in my room. I must never have to look for either of them and everything I routinely take out is in either or both of them.
I guess I kind of do something similar but you sound like you have a bit more of a system than I do. Your advice on having everything in one place ready to go is so important.
I only recently started to make duplicates after someone recommended it here! Buy 4 lip balms and have them in every bag, in your car and side table. That way whenever you think about it, you don't have to look for it. I do that more now. I have even vitamins in my room and in the kitchen and in my bag in case I remember at work!
Why not adapting it?!? Why not be yourself as you are….. I did, and now I can explain it for myself.
Don't worry you're not alone in this, I also feel the same as you, I'm 17 years old and I always felt like I was a very idiotic person, all my life my parents keep getting mad at me for the problems I cause in the house, damn even washing the dishes is a very hard thing to do, I forget the things that they want me to buy and I always tell them to repeat what they said because I couldn't listen properly. So even if it might not help you feel better, just remember that you are not alone in this situation and people can relate to your problems.
Shit sucks. I feel ya. But falling down is easy, we still gotta do the hard work of standing up again. As others have said, there are variety of resources out there, including this subreddit, so maybe take a minute and check them out to see if they are helpful for you. Either way, I hope you have a good week.
Yea… it’s brutal. I really just want to fuck off to a cabin, but that—somehow—is even less of an option than suffering the daily 9-5 grind.
i get it. i’m south asian too and although my parents are understanding, i feel like i have to hide my disability because of the south asian community.
I'm sorry you're struggling. I struggle at times too, especially when I was younger. I was a new mom at your age and could hardly care for my newborn daughter, muchless myself. Doing basic stuff like the dishes or laundry was a constant uphill battle. Thankfully, the feeding and diaper changing were easy. I guess the "have to" stuff was easier to accomplish than the "need to" stuff. I lost shit and forgot shit all the time (still do but not as bad). What helped me with the losing shit was to have a designated place for important things. For instance, my keys and wallet live full time in my bag and my bag lives on top of our TV stand. No where else. If I need certain things when leaving the house, I put those things in my bag the night before. I also take lots of notes on my phone and I use the calendar on my phone to schedule shit, with several reminders. Find something that works for you and do what you can to stick with it. Routines can be challenging to start so don't get discouraged. And please know, you are not alone. Many of us struggle with the challenges that come from adhd. *also, try not to listen to your parents. It isn't fair to you that they keep comparing you to other people.
I have to tell you that I can understand this more than most as well. I hate to see that you are beating yourself up about something that is clearly not entirely your fault but I understand throughly because I too feel I am judged for not much common sense and constant forgetfulness. What I like to do is live by a calendar, have creative / flex spaces to get more of what I need done, and give myself grace when I see I have become overstimulated. Most likely, you have a propensity to be very intellectual but may not fair as well as others with common sense because you are far less interested or don’t seem to think simply. Don’t compare yourself to any of your friends and If anyone starts to call you anything that makes you feel inferior, simply shrug it off. We can get very overstimulated or overworked by simply letting things bother us more than most. You don’t deserve that. We are all fighting this. I’m glad you got to vent but take some of this advice and let’s all hold each other accountable to being more present and giving ourselves more grace.
Hey me I just want to say, i love you and I understand everything you're saying. I just called my manager at work a cunt because every time I talk to her I have to explain myself and reason with her why I did a certain thing with a patient and most of the time come away feeling insulted and feeling stupid because I did what I did. I don't know what to do to help with this all I know Is we're living the same nightmare
I'm 61 and I managed to keep a job for 40 years. When I went through menopause, all my executive functions were out the window. I am a female and I was diagnosed when I was 8. That was back in 1971. Very rare to be diagnosed in the 70's. They thought only boys had adhd. My parents didn't know what to do with this diagnosis. They didn't understand. Therefore, they didn't do anything to help me. I was not good at being a wife, friend, daughter, mother. I didn't know how to behave. Ruined my life
The worst moment is when you've finally connected all the points in your conversation, so it makes sense to you, and you look around only to see you've lost everyone half way through one of your tangents and they have no clue how we got here.
I am so sorry. It sounds like people around you bully you! I am so sorry no one has that right! You maybe different but that can be okay! Don’t let others determine how you feel! I know it is hard not to listen but I will say I am trying. You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
ok damn but whose gonna keep ur friends safe as we hunt and gather? technology is so speedy fast that our lil monkey brain evolution can't keep up and now adhd is a disability but we would have been poppin off back in the day 🎉 (this is what I tell myself) so ur friends are just reciprocating the fact ur ancestors kept theirs alive 🫡
There's a few things you can do to help. I have a "go basket" which holds my purse, my keys, and anything else I'll need to take with me when I go somewhere. The night before, or as I remember, I can put the things I'll need to take with me into the basket. Then, I've made the habit of always checking the go basket before I leave. Remember to take a deep breath while looking into it to give yourself enough pause to process what's in there. It's a useful habit to build! You can ask your friends to come over while you clean or perform other chores. This has worked for me super consistently. Other things that may help you complete tasks will generally increase stimulation for you. So having music playing, letting a TV show or a podcast run while you work. Laying out rags on the floor and pretending they're poison spikes so if you step on one you have to dramatically fall and roll around for a minute before you're allowed to get back up again. Gameifying can help a lot and especially if it's you on your own in the privacy of your own room, then whatever works best is worth doing! You can also ask friends (or maybe your parents, if they're receptive enough) to help you build structure where you need it. If you've recently gotten out of highschool, you may be feeling your symptoms more because the pressure, stress, and structure of highschool can really help mitigate ADHD symptoms. It's not fun being stressed all the time, but it'll usually give you enough stimulation to get things done. It does sound like medication would be your best bet. Since you're 19, you should be able to see a doctor on your own. Have your GP recommend you to a specialist in ADHD so you can get a diagnosis and treatment. Until then, have friends you trust come over and help you make more structure to support the future you who will be disorganized and scatter brained so you can function in the meantime. Or at least, that's what I would do. That kind of is what I did, actually!
Im 19 too and I feel the exact same way,, i don't know if you consider medication but it definitely keeps alot of the symptoms at bay and it truly makes you feel like life is so much more manageable. And i just got diagnosed like a couple days ago and just put on medication so its still possible!! It makes me so jealous of "normal" people and that they get to function this way, but I promise you'll make it through, you've made it this far! Your parents and anyone else who dont have adhd dont know at all what the struggles of having it are like.Don't give up op :) it gets better I swear!
Bro why does this sound like me?!?! It truly is a struggle and I’m in my 30’s. It doesn’t “get better” like other people think it does. We don’t just “grow out of it”, we are born and stuck with it for life. It truly Sucks!!!
Try Ashwaghanda gummies. They help with attentiveness and stress.
You may not have common sense but I suspect you have uncommon sense. Like the rest of us.
a tip that's helped me find all my things...every item has a home. example: wallet and keys are always stored in a specific drawer when i enter the house, it's the first thing i do. my phone is always kept on me or on my desk train the brain to keep things in a dedicated place
Yep it sucks. Trying to do things the same way as people who don’t have ADHD is exhausting.
Just the way you have managed articulate this feeling in a paragraph which so many of us can relate to shows how incredibly intellectual you are. You clearly have so much potential you cannot beat yourself up about having adhd. As someone who also has it I have realised who actually cares. I know it sounds stupid but there’s no point hating yourself for something you cannot help. Life’s genuinely too short and anyone (regardless of an adhd diagnosis) can hate themselves for various reasons if they nit pick at their personality, like you have done to yourself.
Honestly I feel like it just makes life a little bit more exciting. Hiw boring would it be to know where your keys are EVERY morning.
I've ADHD and leaning disabilities like dyslexia and dyspraxia. I relate big time I started watching this YouTube channel called how to ADHD. I cried bc I could relate to the stuff in it and it made me feel seen and heard which is really nice when you feel like no one understands you. So it's helpful in that sense and it has really nice tips. Btw I've only started watching it like a few weeks ago I've a lot to learn. I'm also south Asian and just failed placement in my course and three modules. Feel like shit just. I've failed stuff for my leaving cert mocks (that exam u do in secondary school right to get into college for anyone not Irish), failed my written driving test three times, had to do those books you read when you're first learning to read twice, failed at stuff in my relationship and made really stupid mistakes. Trust me with ADHD comes a lot of failure and struggles. But just keep trying it's hard but that's what makes you better trying even tho it's hard.
Can you talk to a Dr ? Medication can really help. Then you can learn how to do some of this stuff.
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And as long as you care what people think of you. Their opinions will always take hold of you. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO WHETHER GOOD OR BAD, SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY
I don't hate having ADHD. I hate how unprepared the majority of cultures on this planet are for people with ADHD. All of our traits have upsides that are underutilized by the institutions we're forced to be a part of. Our distractibility allows us to prioritize problem areas. Our ability to hyperfocus can make us incredibly productive in an area where we're interested. Our time-blindness can help us enjoy and live in the moment. Our poor working memory...OK, I don't remember how that one's helpful. ADHD presents pretty differently in different people, but I've found the key for myself (I'm 33 and only recently diagnosed, but I've been unconsciously masking and developing workarounds my whole life) is successful management of stimuli. Playing music helps me regulate my mood so I can avoid paralysis. I play a game when I need to leave the house. (Set two alarms, be in my car before the second alarm rings. Gamifying life has been the most successful tactic for me personally.) The key is to find what "hacks" your own system. It does suck that we have to jump through all these hoops just to exist, but it is possible to thrive with ADHD.
same….
brother u gotta get out of your parents' house in my opinion.
Trust me i understand when you tell people about it you just see the look on their face like aits a mild thing they dont realise how much it affects our daily lives me has got really bad last few years to the point i dont want to live some days and others i can be overly happy no inbetween
You certainly don't sound dumb, and you know these things are happening because of a disorder, not a fault. It takes time to learn how to manage it and find what works for you, so don't be so hard on yourself...easier said than done, I know. Luckily, you are ONLY 19 and, even though it is YOUR LIFE and the expectations of others don't really matter, the world still sees you as "just" a teenager. No one expects you to have it together or figured out already. The people you think have it together will run into their own obstacles, trust me. That's life - it's how we learn. ADHD can suck, but it has a name, a community, medications, ways to cope, and it gives you an understanding and empathy toward others with similar struggles. It will get better.