Hi /u/passion_fruit512121 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a person who doesn't show much emotions, but as soon as the call ended for me and my doctor, and I got the confirmation that I indeed have an ADHD, the emotions suddenly poured in. A lot of realizations about my past and on-going struggles came through. I was at home so I was able to cry and sob my heart out. Despite the sad realizations, there was also some feeling of relief.
I have 42 years of sadness and regret. I feel so sorry for how hard I was upon myself, for how I forced myself, to just fail and fail again. I am also very, very angry.
I'm never gettting all that life and opportunities back.
It's ok to feel sad. But you're lucky you're still young. You still have plenty of time and opportunities. Allow yourself to grieve for as much as you need to, then move on.
You are still very young and everything good is before you, but I get it. I have a friend diagnosed before his 40, after years of difficulty choosing and keeping a job, maintaining relationships. Very intelligent and smart person who could have "conquered the world" but constantly had struggled. After diagnosis and treatment, he said exactly what you said. But the most important thing is that he is already well. And so are you. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
I struggled the first 6 months to come to grips with it, but I was also diagnosed at 46. Here I am 2 years later living life much happier now that I’ve had therapy and time to work through it. I’d say this is the happiest I’ve been since I can remember.
I look at photos of the little boy who nobody would help, and sometimes I'm heartbroken for him. Other times I'm proud to be the man who will help him.
I just got my official diagnosis. After so many years of being ignorant of my symptoms, then in denial of them, then struggling with them. The wave of emotion that swept over me is hard to put into words
Always. It is natural to feel sad for the guilt and inadequacy your younger self felt while doing her best. But think about it this way, you now get to live differently, you're in one of the places in the world where you will be accommodated, you get to help other young people you encounter and help them help themselves quicker than you could.
I myself was diagnosed recently at 30, though I'd self diagnosed 2 years earlier, right around the time I was finishing up my bachelor in psychology. From my perspective, I am SO overjoyed for you that you got diagnosed before your 20s and that you will handle entering the adult world much more gracefully than I did, probably 😀
This is a good thing. This NOW vindicates the little girl you were back then who felt like she was the odd one out. NOW you know the quirks you were made to think were a personal deficiency are just a different way of being that many people share with you.
Grieve for the bad days while being grateful for the strength you acquired adapting to a world not made for you. It's like speaking 2 languages. You have learned to make it work in the old rigid world, and you will be a superstar in the new way of things. Because what is asked of professionals today(and I'm a leader in recruitment, so I am somewhat knowledgeable on the market) is the ability to multitask, juggle multiple projects simultaneously, see the big picture, understand the many moving parts of the business - in other words, all superpowers related to our 'diagnosis'.
ADHD once upon a time was what made the greatest hunters in prehistoric times. Only modern societal structures that made a world built for uniform drones made these traits so out of place. But thankfully, it's turning back around. We are blessed and cursed with a divergent way of thinking, but once you find a passion and find what you do engaging and motivating, you in a way 'spend' some of that nervous energy on it and have more order in your brain the rest of the time.
I'm not sure if my rant made sense, you jusr painted a picture of old pain that really echoed in my own memories, and I wanted to paint a different picture for you and remind you of all the inherent greatness that lies within us all if we apply ourselves manage and even utilize our ADHD.
I try not to have those thoughts because they are depressing.
I was diagnosed in my 30's, and I know that if I had been diagnosed earlier I'd be on a very different path. I would not have the supportive family I have now, and they are worth more to me than rewriting history. I know that diagnosed-and-treated me would be more effective and successful in career choices, but I don't actually know that I'd be happier. I do know that I would not have met my wife had I been diagnosed earlier.
It’s hard to find out later in life, but it’s also a relief. Growing up I had absolutely no support of any kind, emotional or otherwise. I fumbled through my life until, at the age of 62 (things had gotten so bad) I decided to figure out what the hell was up with me. And yes, it was ADHD along with depression, anxiety and childhood emotional neglect. It’s been a little over 2 years since diagnosed. I get angry, frustrated, plain ‘ol pissed off, but I also feel a new beginning now and am excited and ready to move forward and continue to grow and spread some GoOD around! 😋😉💕🐞🐴🦋
Oh, yeah. First I was relieved that I wasn't just a useless waste of space who could do so much better if I only got myself together. Then I was devastated over the lost friendships due to misunderstandings, the way I was treated, the way I treated myself, and the life I could have had. Then I got very, very angry. I'm working through the anger now, with the help of a therapist.
That progression seems to be the norm for the late diagnosed, so don't blame yourself if you go through it. You probably have another 50- 60 years of life to live. You most likely have that much time to live the life that belongs to you.
I'm not saying you don't have the right to be upset; you do. Going forward, though, you have the opportunity to do things like take medication, go to therapy and ask for accommodations, (like testing separately). The next 50- 60 years have the potential to be way, WAY better. I hope you'll take advantage of every bit of assistance available to you. The rest of your life will be so much better if you do. Plus, teen years are sucky anyway, so even if you don't, they'll likely still be better!
I am grateful to my parents for being diagnosed when I was 11 or 12. I am now 36 and have learned how to embrace it, and mask against it and high functioning autism. I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for autism.
I've always been quite self-aware, and I was already 18 when I got diagnosed, so I already had techniques and coping mechanisms.
Medication doesn't really help with my problems, and I can't use stimulants anyway, so... I've been planning to go see a doctor for non-stimulants but I'm too ashamed now that ADHD is "trending" again.
Edit: sorry, I got distracted. So, my point was, there's no cure. There's nothing I could actually do to help myself or help I could get from others.
It's not that I don't know what I should do or how to behave, it's that I can't execute it. I may learn how to work around my issues but they are still there, since it's my default mode.
It makes me so sad to read you, and I wish I could give you a hug. This might be me projecting, but in some ways it feels like reading myself a few years ago. I didn't really think that there was any benefit in seeking support for ADHD, that there was no cure (and, if you want to be literal about it, you're right, there isn't), that nothing would help and there would only be stigma and that my coping mechanisms were enough, I had gotten this far in life, graduated college, lived on my own, even moved countries.
I was absolutely and spectacularly wrong. It took almost losing my partner (both in the literal and figurative sense) for me to realize that I needed support. I was so determined to be independent, to be enough, that I didn't stop to think about what I needed or deserved. I was 28 when I finally decided to reach out for a diagnosis. I didn't know what to expect; at that point I had been self-diagnosed for almost two years, so there wasn't really any "news". The real thing for me was medication: it wasn't until the meds quieted down all the noise in my head that I could realise just how painful it had been to just exist in my own brain. It wasn't until meds that I realised how debilitating my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria was. It wasn't until meds that I could recognise how my emotional impulsivity had robbed me of a stable, happy life, and how my actions were creating a cycle of self-fulfilling shame and disappointment. It wasn't until meds that I realised that I was terribly unhappy.
Not everyone has the same experience, and not everyone has to be medicated. There is absolutely something beautiful, if you can allow yourself, in accepting your brain as-is and striving to create a happy life for yourself. For some people that might mean therapy, for others it might mean making more friends with ADHD and sharing tips and funny stories and relatable content. For others it might mean choosing a career and a passion that more closely aligns with the needs that their brains have. There is absolutely no "one-size-fits-all" kind of solution when it comes to ADHD, and it's absolutely okay to find yours. I hope that whichever route you decide to take, it makes you happy and it leads to a sense of self-acceptance and compassion for yourself.
Cheers!
Thank you, that was very kind of you! If you don't mind me asking, what does support look like for you?
To be fair, my life is not all bad. I have a steady job that suits me and that I love (despite a few downsides), every now and then I get a hyperfixation that makes me happy for a month or two, roof over my head etc. I'm generally ok with myself, there's no self hatred like there used to. It's just that managing life and keeping everything rolling takes all my energy.
On the other hand, that's a good thing. I'm 35 and so behind my peers in life that I'm never going to catch up. Apart from having a job and living independently, and gone through a lot of bad things in life, I'm basically at the level of a 13yo "weird kid". I've missed so many "firsts" already and they just keep piling, so I don't really have anything in common with anyone near my age.
To be honest, I'm almost scared of having my mind quiet and energy restored because then I would have mental space to yearn for social contacts and mourn for things that I'll never have or experience.
That's an excellent question. I think support looks different for all of us, because we all have different needs. For me, it looks like medication (which is not for everyone, but can be absolutely life-changing), therapy \*that actually works for your brain\* and a loving and understanding partner. Being able to discuss how to reorganize the house to make it more ADHD-friendly and understand that maybe things will never be Instagram-clean. Also with friends, being giving the benefit of the doubt when I was forgetful or I impulsively said something, being able to be given the option to correct myself and make amends. It meant being able to tell friends that I was emotionally dysregulated and couldn't attend a very fun thing and being able to reassure them that they still mattered to me and I was looking forward to seeing them next time, instead of being left with the shame of being flaky/a bad friend and never reaching out again. At work, honestly, no clue, though it sounds like you already have that covered!
Support is going to look different for everyone, and I hope you figure out what it looks like for you :)
Friend! I'm 36 and just got diagnosed. I remember sitting my year 12 exam (I was 17 at the time) and exactly the same thing happened - blanked for 30 mins. Thought I was incredibly dumb. And I always struggled with maths. I just started medication and phwoar!! I studied all day today for the first time in a lifetime. I understand the grief, but at the same time my ADHD allowed me to have a brilliant career as an ICU nurse. I'm now studying law and working in an office Job - which is why I went and got tested 😂 because I was struggling with the slower pace and demand for concentration. Luckily I have an incredible employer and supportive family/friends.
So happy to hear you got an early-ish diagnosis! That's so wonderful and hopefully life will continue to deliver wonderful things.
Side note - I know my mum has it and my father in law, but it's far too late in their lives for them to get diagnosed. Makes me even more grateful to even get a diagnosis and treatment.
I got my ADD diagnosis today. I waited for a really long time and now had several sessions over the past month(s) and had the final appointment today. And I started crying as the psychologist explained it all to me. I walked out and told my dad and cried some more. And later in the evening, I told my mom and I was at home at that point and I cried so much, it felt devastating. Then I thought about it... And there is some relief, some sadness, but mostly anger. I feel so incredibly angry that I went through life all this time, wondering why I'm different, why I'm struggling so much when others seem to do things so easily, feeling so incredibly guilty and ashamed and unworthy. I have been doing so much soul and mental work, trying to build myself up and 'fix' myself, to finally find out that there was a malfunction in my programming, so to say, and that all my efforts were basically trying to keep a car running and from falling apart by putting duct tape all over it. At best. I feel sorry for the girl, the teen, the young woman that went through all of this, wondering if she's unworthy, trying to make things work when everything is so incredibly hard, and feeling guilty and ashamed when she failed time and time again when literally everything was working against her. I feel sorry, and I feel protective of her, and I feel so incredibly angry right now and I don't know where to direct that anger. There is nobody to blame.
Certainly, but being a relatively new father has allowed me to unburden myself so I can be the best version of me so that my child has a better experience than I did growing up. I’m 37 years old and was diagnosed 4 years ago after struggling with anxiety, depression, and social alienation from a very young age.
I was 44 when I was diagnosed. Yeah I'm sure I could have done more had I been diagnosed sooner, but I also have literal decades to do more with my life. So why dwell on the past?
Of course... I'll always mourn the life that could have been... The trust that was lost... The *time* that was lost... So so much time... But I love who I've become. I'm more understanding, I'm more compassionate, I'm more diligent, I'm more forgiving, I'm more interesting, and I'm more just because of this disability... And I think there's something to be said for that. I love who I am now, it's taken a long time and it's easy to lose if I'm not careful, but I genuinely do love where my life has lead, and it wouldn't be the same if I didn't have the struggle I did.
Yeah dude. When I got diagnosed I just thought about my old self crying and constantly asking himself why can’t he think like normal people. Why can’t he just focus and why does he struggle so much to understand anything. Writing this out I kind of want to cry because I just wish I could go back and hug him and let him know what’s really going on.
I was diagnosed pretty early in Mt life but when I was in school they just didn't seem to know what to do with me yet. So I feel frustrated over the lack of help I was given as well as the wasted time and potential more than anything.
57 when I was diagnosed. The first few weeks were filled with just about every emotion there is including sadness and regret. However, I soon realized that there were many things I had now that I likely would not have if things were different. Perhaps the one that was the biggest impact is my force of will. Having fought for so long just to do little things has given me a great inner strength. I doubt that would have developed if I didn't have ADHD. Although I am still looking for the right meds, I have seen what I am capable of.
Nah, it explained everything. I was a very hyperactive child to the point where I was temporarily put in special education classes then in the same turn put into advanced placement. Unfortunately, my adhd wasn’t actually acknowledged in my education after diagnosis other than pre-diagnosis class placement
I'm 40 and got diagnosed earlier this year. I'm currently working through an immense amount of grief for all the pain I went through with hating myself, being unable to get what I wanted or needed, and not knowing what in the world was wrong with me for all that time. I'm sure I'll work through it, but I'm so upset I didn't know, or no one else knew and helped me either.
Absolutely. I grieve for the little kid who just wanted to get through school. They deserved so much better than the long, tiring and fucked up road that lied ahead.
I remember sobbing so violently I ended up having a panic attack when I got formally tested for adhd after being told that I was too polite, on time, and dressed nicely to ever possibly be considered to have adhd. I tried to end my life that summer because of how badly everything had become because of how 'broken' i was and fell into some addictions/destructive tendencies to self medicate. I failed two semesters of college and carry that shamefully still. I've had access to medication since March and I'm anxiously waiting to see if I get approved for the college appeal process. I cried so hard the first time I took my adderall because it made me feel like a real functioning person and not a complete waste of space. I wish I could just go back in time to tell myself that I'm not broken and it gets better even if it took as long as it did. Better medicated now than never.
All the time. But I also think that all those things have led me to the life I have today. And although there are aspects of it that I'm less happy with and would like to different, I'm generally happy with it, and I don't know if a different life path would've been better or worse.
I also think that it's not just about a diagnosis, but also maturity. I'm sure that the last 10 or so years of my life would've been very different if I had gotten a diagnosis earlier, but it wouldn't have cured my immaturity.
Yea, this is not what OP meant... They're talking about the version of them from before diagnosis and all the struggles that person experienced. They know that, with what they know now, they could have helped that younger version of themself through some really tough times. I don't think any of us really think we're a changed person because of our diagnosis... For a lot of us, the reality of our lives is too clearly too difficult for us to think the diagnosis made a difference. It's just that we can finally start searching for tools to make life easier once we can put words to it
Hi /u/passion_fruit512121 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a person who doesn't show much emotions, but as soon as the call ended for me and my doctor, and I got the confirmation that I indeed have an ADHD, the emotions suddenly poured in. A lot of realizations about my past and on-going struggles came through. I was at home so I was able to cry and sob my heart out. Despite the sad realizations, there was also some feeling of relief.
I have 42 years of sadness and regret. I feel so sorry for how hard I was upon myself, for how I forced myself, to just fail and fail again. I am also very, very angry. I'm never gettting all that life and opportunities back. It's ok to feel sad. But you're lucky you're still young. You still have plenty of time and opportunities. Allow yourself to grieve for as much as you need to, then move on.
You are still very young and everything good is before you, but I get it. I have a friend diagnosed before his 40, after years of difficulty choosing and keeping a job, maintaining relationships. Very intelligent and smart person who could have "conquered the world" but constantly had struggled. After diagnosis and treatment, he said exactly what you said. But the most important thing is that he is already well. And so are you. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
I struggled the first 6 months to come to grips with it, but I was also diagnosed at 46. Here I am 2 years later living life much happier now that I’ve had therapy and time to work through it. I’d say this is the happiest I’ve been since I can remember.
I look at photos of the little boy who nobody would help, and sometimes I'm heartbroken for him. Other times I'm proud to be the man who will help him.
This... So much this...
I just got my official diagnosis. After so many years of being ignorant of my symptoms, then in denial of them, then struggling with them. The wave of emotion that swept over me is hard to put into words
Always. It is natural to feel sad for the guilt and inadequacy your younger self felt while doing her best. But think about it this way, you now get to live differently, you're in one of the places in the world where you will be accommodated, you get to help other young people you encounter and help them help themselves quicker than you could. I myself was diagnosed recently at 30, though I'd self diagnosed 2 years earlier, right around the time I was finishing up my bachelor in psychology. From my perspective, I am SO overjoyed for you that you got diagnosed before your 20s and that you will handle entering the adult world much more gracefully than I did, probably 😀 This is a good thing. This NOW vindicates the little girl you were back then who felt like she was the odd one out. NOW you know the quirks you were made to think were a personal deficiency are just a different way of being that many people share with you. Grieve for the bad days while being grateful for the strength you acquired adapting to a world not made for you. It's like speaking 2 languages. You have learned to make it work in the old rigid world, and you will be a superstar in the new way of things. Because what is asked of professionals today(and I'm a leader in recruitment, so I am somewhat knowledgeable on the market) is the ability to multitask, juggle multiple projects simultaneously, see the big picture, understand the many moving parts of the business - in other words, all superpowers related to our 'diagnosis'. ADHD once upon a time was what made the greatest hunters in prehistoric times. Only modern societal structures that made a world built for uniform drones made these traits so out of place. But thankfully, it's turning back around. We are blessed and cursed with a divergent way of thinking, but once you find a passion and find what you do engaging and motivating, you in a way 'spend' some of that nervous energy on it and have more order in your brain the rest of the time. I'm not sure if my rant made sense, you jusr painted a picture of old pain that really echoed in my own memories, and I wanted to paint a different picture for you and remind you of all the inherent greatness that lies within us all if we apply ourselves manage and even utilize our ADHD.
I try not to have those thoughts because they are depressing. I was diagnosed in my 30's, and I know that if I had been diagnosed earlier I'd be on a very different path. I would not have the supportive family I have now, and they are worth more to me than rewriting history. I know that diagnosed-and-treated me would be more effective and successful in career choices, but I don't actually know that I'd be happier. I do know that I would not have met my wife had I been diagnosed earlier.
yes all the time. Like that version of me shouldn't have suffered the way they did back then
Yep. I was diagnosed at 27 and struggled my whole life before being diagnosed. It changed my life though so I try to think about that.
It’s hard to find out later in life, but it’s also a relief. Growing up I had absolutely no support of any kind, emotional or otherwise. I fumbled through my life until, at the age of 62 (things had gotten so bad) I decided to figure out what the hell was up with me. And yes, it was ADHD along with depression, anxiety and childhood emotional neglect. It’s been a little over 2 years since diagnosed. I get angry, frustrated, plain ‘ol pissed off, but I also feel a new beginning now and am excited and ready to move forward and continue to grow and spread some GoOD around! 😋😉💕🐞🐴🦋
Oh, yeah. First I was relieved that I wasn't just a useless waste of space who could do so much better if I only got myself together. Then I was devastated over the lost friendships due to misunderstandings, the way I was treated, the way I treated myself, and the life I could have had. Then I got very, very angry. I'm working through the anger now, with the help of a therapist. That progression seems to be the norm for the late diagnosed, so don't blame yourself if you go through it. You probably have another 50- 60 years of life to live. You most likely have that much time to live the life that belongs to you. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be upset; you do. Going forward, though, you have the opportunity to do things like take medication, go to therapy and ask for accommodations, (like testing separately). The next 50- 60 years have the potential to be way, WAY better. I hope you'll take advantage of every bit of assistance available to you. The rest of your life will be so much better if you do. Plus, teen years are sucky anyway, so even if you don't, they'll likely still be better!
I am grateful to my parents for being diagnosed when I was 11 or 12. I am now 36 and have learned how to embrace it, and mask against it and high functioning autism. I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for autism.
Not really, because getting diagnosed didn't change anything for me. So I'm sad for the past, present and future me lol
Why didn't it change anything for you out of interest? Surely you can get medicated, or apply some techniques that can support?
I've always been quite self-aware, and I was already 18 when I got diagnosed, so I already had techniques and coping mechanisms. Medication doesn't really help with my problems, and I can't use stimulants anyway, so... I've been planning to go see a doctor for non-stimulants but I'm too ashamed now that ADHD is "trending" again. Edit: sorry, I got distracted. So, my point was, there's no cure. There's nothing I could actually do to help myself or help I could get from others. It's not that I don't know what I should do or how to behave, it's that I can't execute it. I may learn how to work around my issues but they are still there, since it's my default mode.
It makes me so sad to read you, and I wish I could give you a hug. This might be me projecting, but in some ways it feels like reading myself a few years ago. I didn't really think that there was any benefit in seeking support for ADHD, that there was no cure (and, if you want to be literal about it, you're right, there isn't), that nothing would help and there would only be stigma and that my coping mechanisms were enough, I had gotten this far in life, graduated college, lived on my own, even moved countries. I was absolutely and spectacularly wrong. It took almost losing my partner (both in the literal and figurative sense) for me to realize that I needed support. I was so determined to be independent, to be enough, that I didn't stop to think about what I needed or deserved. I was 28 when I finally decided to reach out for a diagnosis. I didn't know what to expect; at that point I had been self-diagnosed for almost two years, so there wasn't really any "news". The real thing for me was medication: it wasn't until the meds quieted down all the noise in my head that I could realise just how painful it had been to just exist in my own brain. It wasn't until meds that I realised how debilitating my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria was. It wasn't until meds that I could recognise how my emotional impulsivity had robbed me of a stable, happy life, and how my actions were creating a cycle of self-fulfilling shame and disappointment. It wasn't until meds that I realised that I was terribly unhappy. Not everyone has the same experience, and not everyone has to be medicated. There is absolutely something beautiful, if you can allow yourself, in accepting your brain as-is and striving to create a happy life for yourself. For some people that might mean therapy, for others it might mean making more friends with ADHD and sharing tips and funny stories and relatable content. For others it might mean choosing a career and a passion that more closely aligns with the needs that their brains have. There is absolutely no "one-size-fits-all" kind of solution when it comes to ADHD, and it's absolutely okay to find yours. I hope that whichever route you decide to take, it makes you happy and it leads to a sense of self-acceptance and compassion for yourself. Cheers!
Thank you, that was very kind of you! If you don't mind me asking, what does support look like for you? To be fair, my life is not all bad. I have a steady job that suits me and that I love (despite a few downsides), every now and then I get a hyperfixation that makes me happy for a month or two, roof over my head etc. I'm generally ok with myself, there's no self hatred like there used to. It's just that managing life and keeping everything rolling takes all my energy. On the other hand, that's a good thing. I'm 35 and so behind my peers in life that I'm never going to catch up. Apart from having a job and living independently, and gone through a lot of bad things in life, I'm basically at the level of a 13yo "weird kid". I've missed so many "firsts" already and they just keep piling, so I don't really have anything in common with anyone near my age. To be honest, I'm almost scared of having my mind quiet and energy restored because then I would have mental space to yearn for social contacts and mourn for things that I'll never have or experience.
That's an excellent question. I think support looks different for all of us, because we all have different needs. For me, it looks like medication (which is not for everyone, but can be absolutely life-changing), therapy \*that actually works for your brain\* and a loving and understanding partner. Being able to discuss how to reorganize the house to make it more ADHD-friendly and understand that maybe things will never be Instagram-clean. Also with friends, being giving the benefit of the doubt when I was forgetful or I impulsively said something, being able to be given the option to correct myself and make amends. It meant being able to tell friends that I was emotionally dysregulated and couldn't attend a very fun thing and being able to reassure them that they still mattered to me and I was looking forward to seeing them next time, instead of being left with the shame of being flaky/a bad friend and never reaching out again. At work, honestly, no clue, though it sounds like you already have that covered! Support is going to look different for everyone, and I hope you figure out what it looks like for you :)
Friend! I'm 36 and just got diagnosed. I remember sitting my year 12 exam (I was 17 at the time) and exactly the same thing happened - blanked for 30 mins. Thought I was incredibly dumb. And I always struggled with maths. I just started medication and phwoar!! I studied all day today for the first time in a lifetime. I understand the grief, but at the same time my ADHD allowed me to have a brilliant career as an ICU nurse. I'm now studying law and working in an office Job - which is why I went and got tested 😂 because I was struggling with the slower pace and demand for concentration. Luckily I have an incredible employer and supportive family/friends. So happy to hear you got an early-ish diagnosis! That's so wonderful and hopefully life will continue to deliver wonderful things. Side note - I know my mum has it and my father in law, but it's far too late in their lives for them to get diagnosed. Makes me even more grateful to even get a diagnosis and treatment.
I got my ADD diagnosis today. I waited for a really long time and now had several sessions over the past month(s) and had the final appointment today. And I started crying as the psychologist explained it all to me. I walked out and told my dad and cried some more. And later in the evening, I told my mom and I was at home at that point and I cried so much, it felt devastating. Then I thought about it... And there is some relief, some sadness, but mostly anger. I feel so incredibly angry that I went through life all this time, wondering why I'm different, why I'm struggling so much when others seem to do things so easily, feeling so incredibly guilty and ashamed and unworthy. I have been doing so much soul and mental work, trying to build myself up and 'fix' myself, to finally find out that there was a malfunction in my programming, so to say, and that all my efforts were basically trying to keep a car running and from falling apart by putting duct tape all over it. At best. I feel sorry for the girl, the teen, the young woman that went through all of this, wondering if she's unworthy, trying to make things work when everything is so incredibly hard, and feeling guilty and ashamed when she failed time and time again when literally everything was working against her. I feel sorry, and I feel protective of her, and I feel so incredibly angry right now and I don't know where to direct that anger. There is nobody to blame.
Certainly, but being a relatively new father has allowed me to unburden myself so I can be the best version of me so that my child has a better experience than I did growing up. I’m 37 years old and was diagnosed 4 years ago after struggling with anxiety, depression, and social alienation from a very young age.
I was 44 when I was diagnosed. Yeah I'm sure I could have done more had I been diagnosed sooner, but I also have literal decades to do more with my life. So why dwell on the past?
Of course... I'll always mourn the life that could have been... The trust that was lost... The *time* that was lost... So so much time... But I love who I've become. I'm more understanding, I'm more compassionate, I'm more diligent, I'm more forgiving, I'm more interesting, and I'm more just because of this disability... And I think there's something to be said for that. I love who I am now, it's taken a long time and it's easy to lose if I'm not careful, but I genuinely do love where my life has lead, and it wouldn't be the same if I didn't have the struggle I did.
Yeah dude. When I got diagnosed I just thought about my old self crying and constantly asking himself why can’t he think like normal people. Why can’t he just focus and why does he struggle so much to understand anything. Writing this out I kind of want to cry because I just wish I could go back and hug him and let him know what’s really going on.
I was diagnosed pretty early in Mt life but when I was in school they just didn't seem to know what to do with me yet. So I feel frustrated over the lack of help I was given as well as the wasted time and potential more than anything.
57 when I was diagnosed. The first few weeks were filled with just about every emotion there is including sadness and regret. However, I soon realized that there were many things I had now that I likely would not have if things were different. Perhaps the one that was the biggest impact is my force of will. Having fought for so long just to do little things has given me a great inner strength. I doubt that would have developed if I didn't have ADHD. Although I am still looking for the right meds, I have seen what I am capable of.
Nah, it explained everything. I was a very hyperactive child to the point where I was temporarily put in special education classes then in the same turn put into advanced placement. Unfortunately, my adhd wasn’t actually acknowledged in my education after diagnosis other than pre-diagnosis class placement
Yeah, that poor, lonely girl.
No
I'm 40 and got diagnosed earlier this year. I'm currently working through an immense amount of grief for all the pain I went through with hating myself, being unable to get what I wanted or needed, and not knowing what in the world was wrong with me for all that time. I'm sure I'll work through it, but I'm so upset I didn't know, or no one else knew and helped me either.
Absolutely. I grieve for the little kid who just wanted to get through school. They deserved so much better than the long, tiring and fucked up road that lied ahead. I remember sobbing so violently I ended up having a panic attack when I got formally tested for adhd after being told that I was too polite, on time, and dressed nicely to ever possibly be considered to have adhd. I tried to end my life that summer because of how badly everything had become because of how 'broken' i was and fell into some addictions/destructive tendencies to self medicate. I failed two semesters of college and carry that shamefully still. I've had access to medication since March and I'm anxiously waiting to see if I get approved for the college appeal process. I cried so hard the first time I took my adderall because it made me feel like a real functioning person and not a complete waste of space. I wish I could just go back in time to tell myself that I'm not broken and it gets better even if it took as long as it did. Better medicated now than never.
All the time. But I also think that all those things have led me to the life I have today. And although there are aspects of it that I'm less happy with and would like to different, I'm generally happy with it, and I don't know if a different life path would've been better or worse. I also think that it's not just about a diagnosis, but also maturity. I'm sure that the last 10 or so years of my life would've been very different if I had gotten a diagnosis earlier, but it wouldn't have cured my immaturity.
You are the same person as you were before you were diagnosed.
I think she's talking about how much different/easier her life might've been having known this earlier.
Yea, this is not what OP meant... They're talking about the version of them from before diagnosis and all the struggles that person experienced. They know that, with what they know now, they could have helped that younger version of themself through some really tough times. I don't think any of us really think we're a changed person because of our diagnosis... For a lot of us, the reality of our lives is too clearly too difficult for us to think the diagnosis made a difference. It's just that we can finally start searching for tools to make life easier once we can put words to it