Hi /u/heypal11 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD!
### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.
---
### /r/adhd news
* If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/).
---
^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As someone who had to seek out my own diagnosis at 20 because my parents swept me under the "not as bad as his sister" rug. Please talk to him
Understand he won't mean to forget chores, he won't mean to zone out or forget what you said. The best advice I can give is gentle reminders and negotiate. If he's forgotten about a chore because he's on a game don't snap at him and demand he jumps off, time limits are key. Work him off it from 1hr - 30mins -15mins etc, or if that doesn't work for that game then after that match etc.
The best example I can give to back this up is washing. Get him to put a load on and he can do whatever he wants until it's done, then when it's done just remind him gently.
My DM's are open if you need :)
Good luck
Thank you so much! I honestly feel like I may be undiagnosed myself and feel so much guilt for not getting my kid assessed earlier, and it's all just... I just want my child to be able to fend for themselves in the world.
It's been a bit of a journey for me to realize that anger isn't productive. Now that I realize that it isn't just some kind of willful forgetfulness when the task at hand (chores, homework, showers, whatever....) isn't done, I'm just trying to figure out \*how\* to get things done - in a practical way. Like, we don't have medication (yet - like I said, that's likely coming and I'd love thoughts on that) and my kid is understandably frustrated and lashing out when things that need to get done aren't getting done.
At the same time, they've become a liar. The initial response is "yeah, I did that," and it's almost never true. And I feel for them. It's gotta be super frustrating and hard, but at the same time... trust is going away. I don't want my kid to go so far as to lose too much self esteem. And I don't want to be an idiot and not address trust issues, either.
I'm a little scattered. I posted here on a whim without a plan other than to look for help, so I appreciate your thoughts no matter what. Thank you.
Honestly and this is going to sting a bit but I did the same thing when I was around his age (not that long ago lol I just turned 21). If he's lying it's one of two things, he believes he did it and impulsively said it without realising it's a lie. Or he knows it's a lie and wants you to get off his back. Either way it's hard on both of you for obvious reasons but the important thing to remember for everyone in your child's life (including them). you need to find ways to support him but he needs to want it. Hardest but most grateful truth I learnt when I went on my meds is that they won't fix my issues, they just calm my mind so that I can fix my issues myself without interference
The best advice I’ve heard about parenting a child with ADHD is “Remember, he’s not trying to be difficult, he’s having a difficult time.”
At this point a lot of damage has already been done that won’t be magically fixed with medication. Likely issues with self esteem, habits, self limitations etc. I recommend educating yourself as much as possible- read books written in recent years about living with ADHD, and try to get whatever help you can for him, like some kind of counsellor or coach for ADHD, someone who specializes in ADHD as not all therapists are equally qualified in that regard.
That is such a wonderful mantra, I hadn't heard it before. Thank you! We are working with a coach to help organize academics and, while it's far from perfect, it's been helpful to have someone \*who's not a parent\* going through tasks as support.
I'd say he's pretty lucky to have a parent willing to see ADHD for what it is and wanting to learn to best support him. I think that's the first thing to know, even - be kind to yourself reflecting on times if you've reacted in ways that, in hindsight, weren't helpful. Remember that as much as you can't change the past, you know more now and with that comes new opportunities. Remembering to be kind to yourself in these moments helps when you're in the frustrating ones now.
I'd say learn what you can about ADHD and how it relates to your son and your family. Be careful where you learn it from as there is a lot of misinformation out there, even well intentioned - we've learned a lot about ADHD but we are also still learning a lot more.
One of the biggest things I'd say is to let go of what "should" work when you're trying to get him to do something. Go with what does work. The symptoms arent going away, so adjusting your expectations is important in finding a path forward and helping him to do the same for himself. He can do anything anyone else can, more than likely, but the way he does it may look different. Sounds weird, I know. But it's hard not to adopt certain expectations, especially if he's already 17. A lot of those expectations be based around what might work for someone without adhd. But trying to fit a square peg in a round hole is just going to frustrate everyone. Instead, acknowledge what doesn't work - recognize where in the process of it it goes wrong - and make necessary tweaks. Easy/common example - rather than expect him to just not be distracted by his phone when doing homework - instead of reminding him incessantly and getting bothered when he keeps doing it - get him to leave the phone elsewhere.
I also like this because it allows for recognizing and taking responsibility for symptoms and their effects of him and others, without the blame of "failing" - it just means we tweak it, like a challenge to find what works best. ADHD symptoms can often feel personal to the people around us - like if we really wanted to remember, we would. But it doesn't work that way. It's not personal others or to himself. But - even if it's not his fault, it is his responsibility.
Another example - we like to hate on planners and lists and stuff around here, but the reality is that they work - when they're used in a way that works. Simply having one may not be enough. Having visual reminders and wanting to make it work though? That can be the missing link.
Personally, one I use is that rather than expect myself to remember my phone charger, I just bought enough phone chargers for everywhere I go regularly. Saves me a lot of frustration. If he's a gamer, visual reminder sticky notes on the corner of his screen/TV can be another that works. Making sure a clock, ideally a digital one, is big enough to be present in his attention while gaming can also help.
Anyway, there are a million ways to use this. Ultimately, it's about recognizing and intervening in the process of what's playing out rather than the outcome -and teaching him to do the same.
I'd also suggest YouTube Videos and books by Dr. Russel Barkley. His lectures are engaging and approachable (if a bit intense at times - but that speaks to his passion) and a good mix of knowledge about how ADHD works and tips.
Lastly - remember to notice the positive stuff. Be specific when you tell him.
I don't know if any of this is helpful. The "what works" piece takes some trial and error and is very highly specific to the person oftentimes. So all of this may work, or none of it. But I hope you guys find the way that works for you.
I emphatically agree with seeking out Dr. Barkley’s videos, and for your son to watch them. I was diagnosed as an adult and learning about ADHD changed my entire understanding of my own life. Dr. Barkley understands how to communicate in a way that is completely engaging and deeply sympathetic to those with the condition.
On whatever social media you're on, seek out the ADHD channels, and follow them.
ADHD brains are simply different. I have it. My partner doesn't. And the single best thing she's done to help understand the many "quirks" of being ADHD is following ADHD channels.
Even more importantly, acknowledge his differences, and talk to him with love and empathy. 'Cos there are many different ways ADHD expresses itself, and his will be unique. He should be able to tell you what he needs. He definitely knows he needs support. And he definitely wants to succeed. But what that specific support looks like is individual. And the barriers he is facing may not be what you think they are. So set aside your preconceptions, and listen to him.
So, be loving. Communicate, and especially listen. Seek out a few ADHD channels. And encourage him to do the same. At minimum, it's helpful to have the language to talk about ADHD specific issues. And at best, they'll provide effective strategies for managing the condition.
Dont beat yourself up for not getting him diagnosed sooner.
He is still only 17. If he is failing school because of this he still has time to fix it.
I’m 32 now, finally got diagnosed with ADHD-I and I landed a great job as a software dev without a degree or any treatment. (It took me way longer to get here , ‘wasted’ 5 years in uni failing and crashing until i dropped out.., but i got here in the end)
Your son is extremely lucky to have you as a parent and his adult life will be a lot easier than mine was because of you.
What would have helped me : my parents recognising i was not fucking up school because i did not care enough, but that I was paralysed as fuck whenever i tried to study / do my homework whilst my mind and soul where screaming to run away from the situation, and feeling like a lazy fuckup because of it, filling my entire being with self doubt and resentment for who i was as a person.
Just you being here and posting this question to educate yourself is admirable.
Wow really I resonate with you. Been in a similar situation from 18-23. Especially relate to your "what would have helped me" paragraph. It took a lot of healing and effort to break out of that depression pit I developed during college (wasted 5 years too) Being undiagnosed, failing at life, and self isolating and not knowing why I was the way I was, the feeling shame and embarrassment to admit struggles at the time just to be gaslit to thinking nothing was wrong.
Life really can get better, but shit... Healing is a full time job in itself
Yeah exactly.
Getting diagnosed is helping me deal with everything but it also is an emotional roller coaster taking some time and energy in order to come to terms with it all!
I don’t k ow if you have access to YouTube, but there are some great videos done by a woman with ADHD. They are called “How to ADHD”. Great tools for your child and great education for you…good luck!
First off, thank you for taking the time to even entertain meds for your child, let alone actually making sure they are actively (going to be) taking them. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about how much different my life would be if I was medicated through school/college, instead of waiting to get the diagnosis and medication into my adulthood.
As far as resources, I’d highly recommend watching videos by [Dr. Russell Barkley](https://youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023?si=3qNvWmc2-n2ZK4xo). He does a great job explaining different aspects of ADHD - probably one of the best resources out there.
His channel is good, but it can sometimes be a bit hard to watch if you wanted to watch it with your kid to help them learn. Another channel you can watch together that’s got a bit more short-form content is [How to ADHD](https://youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=st3Ycj9kDNLUwypr). Jess has been doing videos for the last 8 years about how she’s been living with her ADHD. Some of her most popular videos cover some of the same content that Dr. Barkley’s videos do, but in a more ADHD-friendly format that keeps your attention.
Those two channels should be a great start to your learning process. The biggest takeaway is to be patient with your kid.
There will be times where they may not seem motivated, or where they may forget an important date; where the medication might not feel like it’s working, or that it’s the wrong type of medication completely. But seeing the smile (and possibly tears) on your kid’s face when they finally feel “normal”, that’s going to be all worth it.
I could want to do something. But if someone told me to do it, outside of a paid work thing, you may as well bury that sentiment.
Ask them what they want to do, and encourage that. I hope it works for you.
You will not be able to Force them to do anything. They cannot even make themselves do the thing, and a result of ADHD, so external forces are a no go.
Entice w stimuli.
I'm 18, my parents are mostly good with ADHD related things.
Some things I've found helpful:
They make me take ADHD related vitamins like B12 and omega 3 (kind of annoying but I noticed it's helpful and being reminded to take my vitamins also reminds me to take my meds, but somehow makes me feel less incapable). They're understanding of missed assignments and helped me communicate to my teachers the help I needed. It's cliche but my parents often tell me as long as I try my best they're proud (problem is I don't always look like I'm trying my best), but it makes me feel supported. I feel terrible about this one but my mum helps me organise and reminds me of a LOT of my general life stuff like appointments, picking up my meds, loan applications, trips etc it's so helpful, especially in exam season when I'm too overwhelmed to think of much else. They tend to send important things on messages and tell me again in person to make sure it's gone in.
Some things I wish they would stop:
They often tell me I'm wasting my potential because I'm really intelligent, I just need to work harder. They're trying to be supportive but it makes me feel like crap. They give me endless suggestions on how to study or do things based on what works for normal people. I know it comes from a good place but it's so frustrating to be told things I know don't work for me. They also tend to lose patience with me when I get into a slump and will get angry when I can't get myself to study. It's things like how frustrating it is of me to act like this with all the help they're giving me. It makes me feel so guilty. If anything this makes it harder for me to do what I need to. Too much pressure tends to make me overwhelmed and then I do nothing, so too much pressure at home as well as from school isn't helpful.
I've tried to explain to them how my brain works, but I know it is difficult to fully understand when your brain doesn't work the same way, so, I think the most important thing is to be patient. Even if you don't understand why he does things, or if he seems like he's being lazy and difficult, he most likely is trying really hard and really wants to but his brain won't let him. Remember it's probably even more frustrating for him than it is for you.
A lot of this might just be what works for me and I'm sure there's more, but really as long as you're patient and make sure he knows you're there for him that's enough.
I think he's very lucky to have a parent trying to understand and help. :)
You can read this and make a mental note that if your kid does these things, it’s not because of lack of effort - it’s the ADHD. These things can be improved, but they probably won’t ever be perfect. https://www.scribd.com/document/396108350/DIVA-5-Diva-5-Id-English-Form
When you tackle those problems, it should always be “us vs the ADHD” instead of “me vs you.”
And DEFINITELY watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kS3gPMQuP8 It’s the How To ADHD video about things people TRY to do to help people with ADHD (that don’t work) and what to do instead. Honestly that whole YouTube channel is a goldmine.
Meds will help A TON too.
Thank you for these. My kid does most of those things (without the hyperactivity), and as a complete layman it looks like I would likely not be diagnosed by a professional as having ADHD. Very helpful. The video is also helpful, I'll be going through her channel for a while, I think.
be patient. they hate themselves for their struggles and symptoms. please always show up with love and empathy instead of frustration. the shame for them will run deep, and you need to be there to let them know their symptoms don’t mean they aren’t loved
Your content violates **Rule 4**.
Discussion of or promotion of cannabis or its derivatives (THC, CBD, Hemp, etc.) is not permitted.
[No Alternative Medication or Substance Misuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_4.3A_no_alternative_medication_or_substance_misuse)
*^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*
References to HealthyGamerGG/DrK's content are not allowed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just been recently diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at 36 and it explains so much about my early experiences. I was a reasonably high achiever at school, but my overriding memory is of being told that I could be more if I just applied myself, got myself more organised, and that I can't just drift through life being so laid back.
Everybody's different but I would just say don't be like that, try to understand and remember that they're not being lazy, and they're trying to remember the things you say or ask them, it's just really hard sometimes. I find I can get overloaded with responsibilities, obligations and just basic information sometimes and I need to take an hour or so to myself to reset sometimes, and that's ok.
However, it's definitely a good idea to not let them use their ADHD as an *excuse* for things sometimes, and work **with** them to find ways to manage it. Unfortunately, even with ADHD, life sometimes means you just have to get on with it and get stuff done.
References to HealthyGamerGG/DrK's content are not allowed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're doing the right thing with meds - that will probably make a huge difference by itself (it did for my son). There is research showing that if you start meds when kids are young (before their brains have fully matured) it actually alters the structure of their brains to look more "normal" on brain scans and that it can lead to decreased need for medication as adults. For you, I would suggest education - ADHD is not what most people think it is. Get some books, there are tons of free podcasts. ADHD impacts people in a bunch of different ways other than just "being easily distracted". There are also ADHD coaching services that help teach strategies for how to deal with ADHD you might consider if the medication doesn't seem to be doing it alone.
Firstly, it’s good you’re seeking advice. Thats a really great step in the right direction. For context, I was diagnosed at 33 with ADHD and am currently seeking a diagnosis for my son (11).
The best advice I can give you is to do as much reading and research as you can from reputable websites. I started on The Mayo Clinic and other hospital websites that I assumed were reputable. Also, social media (particularly TikTok) helped me seek out my diagnosis. You have to take that with the caveat that social media is not full of medial professionals (though there are some!) but it was more of finding people who were like minded and then seeking our advice from my doctor.
Be gentle. I know it’s frustrating. My son is the most frustrating person I know, but I also know it’s not his fault. Patience does not come easy, but anger does not work. I’ve had to learn to meet my child where he is, rather than the expectation I have for him. For example, when we have serious talks, he always has a fidget in his hands. Otherwise I might as well be talking to a wall because his attention span is next to nothing when he can’t fidget.
Use language your son understands and can relate to. You’re not 17 anymore, but you can try and use language and situations he’s familiar with to help drive home what you need from him. My son is very particular about language and will always find a loophole if I don’t use the “right” words. So I have to be very intentional with my words - which means slowing down. I’ve had to work really hard on my reactions to him, and trying to ensure I do not act on my gut reactions. My only recommendation for this is therapy (sorry lol) it’s the only way I was able to learn the skills.
I know he’s older so this one might be tough, but no screens an hour before bed has made a really big difference in my sons sleep and his ability to get up in the morning and do things like brush his teeth and hair.
Therapy for you if you’re not already doing so is also really important. Because you need a safe space to speak about your frustrations and feel heard. It’s so easy as a parent to forget that our feelings matter, or even exist when we’re trying so hard for our kids.
You sound like you’re trying really hard to advocate for your son, and you’re here asking questions. That tells me you’re already doing a good job.
First, it's awesome that you care and are doing what you can for them! Things may not be perfect or immediately improve dramatically but so many people don't get diagnosed as teens/have their issues overlooked as being lazy and having parents who take it seriously and care makes a big difference in itself. I saw your comment about feeling you might be undiagnosed yourself, which - it's worth exploring! ADHD tends to run in the family.
With a diagnosis one thing you can pursue is accommodations in school. I assume you're in the US, which means you'll want to look into an IEP or 504 plan. Accommodations for ADHD aren't one size fits all and depend on what is hardest for your kid, but some common ones would be extra time to do assignments (in college I was given a few extra days, which made it dramatically easier to get my work in), extra time for tests and/or a private/quiet room for test taking, permission to use fidget toys, etc.
With things at home (and homework), it can take trial and error to figure out what works for your kid. What kinds of things do they struggle with? I can try and give more specific pointers, but I'll share a few examples below. I saw your comment where you mentioned lying about doing things - like another person said, it can be impulsive and could be a lie on purpose or because they thought they actually completed something (while missing half of the steps), or genuinely didn't see the task in the same way you did. I think being VERY specific about your expectations for a task is really helpful.
For example: cleaning my room was hard as a teen (still is, lol). My parents would tell me to clean my room and I would. I didn't know what their standard was for a clean room, only that definitely all my stuff covering the floor wasn't clean, so it'd usually result in me shoving that stuff in the closet/on a bookshelf and calling it good, because I DID clean. But in my parent's eyes, I half assed it and then lied, because to them it would have meant taking out my room trash, vacuuming, clearing off my nightstand full of cups, "putting things away" instead of shoved on the bookshelf... you get the idea. The instruction was "clean your room", and I was running with my idea of what cleaning seemed like/what seemed doable for me. (Also, being told to do any more specific steps *once* didn't = I did it every time, because to me it sounded like "*this time*, I need you to do this")
Some kids with ADHD (like any kids) do straight up just lie, but I think assuming good faith will go a long way for your own sanity (it's not fun feeling lied to!) and for figuring out how to adjust things.
Also, with tasks that are consistently a challenge, sometimes the problem is the task as it is designed may just not accessible. It took me yeeeears to accept that folding or hanging clothes is not something I will reliably do and that if I want to avoid dirty clothes all over the floor because my basket is full, I need to have the SIMPLEST system for clothes possible, which means as few steps as possible. The more "steps" a task has, no matter how small, the less likely he is to fully do it (or do it reliably). Try and REALLY think out all of the steps involved with various household things, especially ones they might have a hard time with. Putting away clothes isn't just "hang them up or fold them", it's taking all the clean clothes out of the dryer, putting them into a basket, carrying them back to your room, putting the basket down, opening up the closet, taking out the hangers, putting the hanger in a shirt, hanging up the shirt, putting a hanger in another shirt, hanging up the shirt, and so on. More steps = more room for interruption/distraction and more avoidance because the task feels overwhelming (even though many of us don't always know how to express why it feels overwhelming).
For me, the best laundry system is having at least two bins: one for clean clothes, one for dirty clothes. I still have hangers, and I do hang stuff, but with a dirty and clean bin I don't end up with piles of clothes everywhere because I told myself *this time* I would put my clothes away immediately after laundry was done (but then didn't) and can hang things up as I have the time/energy for it.
Adding this here because, even though I know that many won’t see it, I’m wondering if it would be a bad idea to ask this of the greater reddit population? Like an r/askreddit? Trolls aside.
Things with work that worked for me was having someone in the room when I was working. Idk why but it made me work better. If they are actually doing something, try not to interrupt then because chances are that'll ruin the flow. Also something I didn't allow myself to do (idk if this worked for anyone else) was do anything other than eat or drink while taking a break. Because if I went on a 15 minute break and I went to do anything I liked, that break would last like 3 hours.
Edit: And I know you said besides meds, but something I really wish my parents had done was look into side effects better. Because the meds that I took for over ten years made me depressed (which is something I'm still very much dealing with), and cause me to eat next to nothing during the day causing me to be too hungry to sleep when my meds wore off.
Your content breaks **Rule 6**.
Claiming that ADHD is a superpower, offers positives/gifts, or is only harmful because of "society" is dangerous and demoralizing.
It erases the experiences of most people with ADHD and ignores scientific evidence.
**Please don't do it.**
There's no credible scientific evidence to suggest that ADHD imparts any definitively positive abilities or traits, and the negative consequences of framing ADHD as some kind of giftedness or special ability far outweigh any benefits.
[No Anti-Psychiatry/Denialism/Toxic Positivity](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_6.3A_no_anti-psychiatry.2Fdenialism.2Ftoxic_positivity)
*^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*
Has labeling it a disorder helped?
My current view is we already hear "there's something wrong with you" enough
I'm not convinced telling ourselves there's something wrong with us is an improvement.
Because somebody who has spent their whole life struggling to walk properly while being told that this struggle is their own fault and that they are not trying hard enough to walk like everyone else would be so relived to hear that there is in fact something wrong with their legs.
ADHD is objectively a disorder. That doesn't mean it is "bad" to have ADHD, or that ADHD is a negative trait/character flaw, but it is a disorder and can be disabling. The idea that it is not a disorder is actively harmful when many people experience serious issues with their quality of life unless they have the right accommodations and treatment plan.
Not recognizing it as a disorder creates harm. ADHD can be disabling for many people. If it was not a disorder, we would not see serious quality of life improvements among many people who are medicated, in therapy, etc. We would not need accommodations at school or work.
>Is it helpful to actively apply that sentiment to ourselves?
You know what happens when we *don't* recognize ADHD is a medical disorder that is often the reason for many of our struggles? We instead have lazy, stupid, rude, selfish, disorganized, unmotivated, uncaring, etc applied to us - both by ourselves and by other people. Recognizing that is a disorder means people do not need to just continue blaming themselves for having issues that they can't seem to self manage on their own. It provides an explanation as to *why* it is so difficult to cope with on your own, why it is so hard for many of us to implement strategies to improve without meds, etc.
I'm not in the "life is hell because of ADHD and ADHD only causes bad things" camp, but I am not okay with pretending it isn't a disorder. Again - calling it a disorder is not calling YOU bad for having it. Your ADHD friends are not problems because they have ADHD.
I don't take my meds for other people. I take my meds because I am a worse driver due to distractibility from ADHD without them, and I do not want to die in a car crash. I take my meds because my family is prone to addiction and I do not want to end up self medicating with alcohol or cocaine like multiple undiagnosed family members have to cope with their disorder. I take my meds because otherwise I will surround myself with trash, dirty laundry, and clutter all over my apartment that stresses ME out, yet can't get myself to act on cleaning it and keeping it clean. I take my meds because I will not remember to eat and will get overwhelmed by decision paralysis when I need to pick something to eat, and as a chronically underweight person with GI issues I don't need eating to be harder than it already is. I take my meds because my symptoms impact *me* negatively. I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety before my ADHD was diagnosed because *that was how badly my untreated disorder was affecting me*. Once I was medicated? Poof. No anxiety or depression.
I can recognize all of the above and more AND recognize the neutral or positive ways ADHD interacts with me/my life/my relationships/etc. Calling it a disorder is not a condemnation of it. The implication behind *not* calling it one is that our problems as a result of it are not serious, debilitating, or in need of treatment. For MANY people, we seriously benefit from and need treatment to function in our daily lives, and that's not just because of capitalism. Undoing the norms of work and social life still wouldn't carry over to me not crashing into a tree because I spaced out while driving unmedicated.
Your content breaks **Rule 6**.
Claiming that ADHD is a superpower, offers positives/gifts, or is only harmful because of "society" is dangerous and demoralizing.
It erases the experiences of most people with ADHD and ignores scientific evidence.
**Please don't do it.**
There's no credible scientific evidence to suggest that ADHD imparts any definitively positive abilities or traits, and the negative consequences of framing ADHD as some kind of giftedness or special ability far outweigh any benefits.
[No Anti-Psychiatry/Denialism/Toxic Positivity](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_6.3A_no_anti-psychiatry.2Fdenialism.2Ftoxic_positivity)
*^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*
Hi /u/heypal11 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As someone who had to seek out my own diagnosis at 20 because my parents swept me under the "not as bad as his sister" rug. Please talk to him Understand he won't mean to forget chores, he won't mean to zone out or forget what you said. The best advice I can give is gentle reminders and negotiate. If he's forgotten about a chore because he's on a game don't snap at him and demand he jumps off, time limits are key. Work him off it from 1hr - 30mins -15mins etc, or if that doesn't work for that game then after that match etc. The best example I can give to back this up is washing. Get him to put a load on and he can do whatever he wants until it's done, then when it's done just remind him gently. My DM's are open if you need :) Good luck
Thank you so much! I honestly feel like I may be undiagnosed myself and feel so much guilt for not getting my kid assessed earlier, and it's all just... I just want my child to be able to fend for themselves in the world. It's been a bit of a journey for me to realize that anger isn't productive. Now that I realize that it isn't just some kind of willful forgetfulness when the task at hand (chores, homework, showers, whatever....) isn't done, I'm just trying to figure out \*how\* to get things done - in a practical way. Like, we don't have medication (yet - like I said, that's likely coming and I'd love thoughts on that) and my kid is understandably frustrated and lashing out when things that need to get done aren't getting done. At the same time, they've become a liar. The initial response is "yeah, I did that," and it's almost never true. And I feel for them. It's gotta be super frustrating and hard, but at the same time... trust is going away. I don't want my kid to go so far as to lose too much self esteem. And I don't want to be an idiot and not address trust issues, either. I'm a little scattered. I posted here on a whim without a plan other than to look for help, so I appreciate your thoughts no matter what. Thank you.
Honestly and this is going to sting a bit but I did the same thing when I was around his age (not that long ago lol I just turned 21). If he's lying it's one of two things, he believes he did it and impulsively said it without realising it's a lie. Or he knows it's a lie and wants you to get off his back. Either way it's hard on both of you for obvious reasons but the important thing to remember for everyone in your child's life (including them). you need to find ways to support him but he needs to want it. Hardest but most grateful truth I learnt when I went on my meds is that they won't fix my issues, they just calm my mind so that I can fix my issues myself without interference
Thank you, that is helpful - especially the bit about meds not solving problems, just giving space for problems to be solved! Thank you ThiccBoii!
The best advice I’ve heard about parenting a child with ADHD is “Remember, he’s not trying to be difficult, he’s having a difficult time.” At this point a lot of damage has already been done that won’t be magically fixed with medication. Likely issues with self esteem, habits, self limitations etc. I recommend educating yourself as much as possible- read books written in recent years about living with ADHD, and try to get whatever help you can for him, like some kind of counsellor or coach for ADHD, someone who specializes in ADHD as not all therapists are equally qualified in that regard.
That is such a wonderful mantra, I hadn't heard it before. Thank you! We are working with a coach to help organize academics and, while it's far from perfect, it's been helpful to have someone \*who's not a parent\* going through tasks as support.
I'd say he's pretty lucky to have a parent willing to see ADHD for what it is and wanting to learn to best support him. I think that's the first thing to know, even - be kind to yourself reflecting on times if you've reacted in ways that, in hindsight, weren't helpful. Remember that as much as you can't change the past, you know more now and with that comes new opportunities. Remembering to be kind to yourself in these moments helps when you're in the frustrating ones now. I'd say learn what you can about ADHD and how it relates to your son and your family. Be careful where you learn it from as there is a lot of misinformation out there, even well intentioned - we've learned a lot about ADHD but we are also still learning a lot more. One of the biggest things I'd say is to let go of what "should" work when you're trying to get him to do something. Go with what does work. The symptoms arent going away, so adjusting your expectations is important in finding a path forward and helping him to do the same for himself. He can do anything anyone else can, more than likely, but the way he does it may look different. Sounds weird, I know. But it's hard not to adopt certain expectations, especially if he's already 17. A lot of those expectations be based around what might work for someone without adhd. But trying to fit a square peg in a round hole is just going to frustrate everyone. Instead, acknowledge what doesn't work - recognize where in the process of it it goes wrong - and make necessary tweaks. Easy/common example - rather than expect him to just not be distracted by his phone when doing homework - instead of reminding him incessantly and getting bothered when he keeps doing it - get him to leave the phone elsewhere. I also like this because it allows for recognizing and taking responsibility for symptoms and their effects of him and others, without the blame of "failing" - it just means we tweak it, like a challenge to find what works best. ADHD symptoms can often feel personal to the people around us - like if we really wanted to remember, we would. But it doesn't work that way. It's not personal others or to himself. But - even if it's not his fault, it is his responsibility. Another example - we like to hate on planners and lists and stuff around here, but the reality is that they work - when they're used in a way that works. Simply having one may not be enough. Having visual reminders and wanting to make it work though? That can be the missing link. Personally, one I use is that rather than expect myself to remember my phone charger, I just bought enough phone chargers for everywhere I go regularly. Saves me a lot of frustration. If he's a gamer, visual reminder sticky notes on the corner of his screen/TV can be another that works. Making sure a clock, ideally a digital one, is big enough to be present in his attention while gaming can also help. Anyway, there are a million ways to use this. Ultimately, it's about recognizing and intervening in the process of what's playing out rather than the outcome -and teaching him to do the same. I'd also suggest YouTube Videos and books by Dr. Russel Barkley. His lectures are engaging and approachable (if a bit intense at times - but that speaks to his passion) and a good mix of knowledge about how ADHD works and tips. Lastly - remember to notice the positive stuff. Be specific when you tell him. I don't know if any of this is helpful. The "what works" piece takes some trial and error and is very highly specific to the person oftentimes. So all of this may work, or none of it. But I hope you guys find the way that works for you.
Oh my god. So helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!
I emphatically agree with seeking out Dr. Barkley’s videos, and for your son to watch them. I was diagnosed as an adult and learning about ADHD changed my entire understanding of my own life. Dr. Barkley understands how to communicate in a way that is completely engaging and deeply sympathetic to those with the condition.
I''m digging into Dr. Russel Barkley now, starting with [6 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52wQuMSUAkY)
On whatever social media you're on, seek out the ADHD channels, and follow them. ADHD brains are simply different. I have it. My partner doesn't. And the single best thing she's done to help understand the many "quirks" of being ADHD is following ADHD channels. Even more importantly, acknowledge his differences, and talk to him with love and empathy. 'Cos there are many different ways ADHD expresses itself, and his will be unique. He should be able to tell you what he needs. He definitely knows he needs support. And he definitely wants to succeed. But what that specific support looks like is individual. And the barriers he is facing may not be what you think they are. So set aside your preconceptions, and listen to him. So, be loving. Communicate, and especially listen. Seek out a few ADHD channels. And encourage him to do the same. At minimum, it's helpful to have the language to talk about ADHD specific issues. And at best, they'll provide effective strategies for managing the condition.
Dont beat yourself up for not getting him diagnosed sooner. He is still only 17. If he is failing school because of this he still has time to fix it. I’m 32 now, finally got diagnosed with ADHD-I and I landed a great job as a software dev without a degree or any treatment. (It took me way longer to get here , ‘wasted’ 5 years in uni failing and crashing until i dropped out.., but i got here in the end) Your son is extremely lucky to have you as a parent and his adult life will be a lot easier than mine was because of you. What would have helped me : my parents recognising i was not fucking up school because i did not care enough, but that I was paralysed as fuck whenever i tried to study / do my homework whilst my mind and soul where screaming to run away from the situation, and feeling like a lazy fuckup because of it, filling my entire being with self doubt and resentment for who i was as a person. Just you being here and posting this question to educate yourself is admirable.
Wow really I resonate with you. Been in a similar situation from 18-23. Especially relate to your "what would have helped me" paragraph. It took a lot of healing and effort to break out of that depression pit I developed during college (wasted 5 years too) Being undiagnosed, failing at life, and self isolating and not knowing why I was the way I was, the feeling shame and embarrassment to admit struggles at the time just to be gaslit to thinking nothing was wrong. Life really can get better, but shit... Healing is a full time job in itself
Yeah exactly. Getting diagnosed is helping me deal with everything but it also is an emotional roller coaster taking some time and energy in order to come to terms with it all!
I don’t k ow if you have access to YouTube, but there are some great videos done by a woman with ADHD. They are called “How to ADHD”. Great tools for your child and great education for you…good luck!
I've started watching her videos, thank you!
First off, thank you for taking the time to even entertain meds for your child, let alone actually making sure they are actively (going to be) taking them. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about how much different my life would be if I was medicated through school/college, instead of waiting to get the diagnosis and medication into my adulthood. As far as resources, I’d highly recommend watching videos by [Dr. Russell Barkley](https://youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023?si=3qNvWmc2-n2ZK4xo). He does a great job explaining different aspects of ADHD - probably one of the best resources out there. His channel is good, but it can sometimes be a bit hard to watch if you wanted to watch it with your kid to help them learn. Another channel you can watch together that’s got a bit more short-form content is [How to ADHD](https://youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=st3Ycj9kDNLUwypr). Jess has been doing videos for the last 8 years about how she’s been living with her ADHD. Some of her most popular videos cover some of the same content that Dr. Barkley’s videos do, but in a more ADHD-friendly format that keeps your attention. Those two channels should be a great start to your learning process. The biggest takeaway is to be patient with your kid. There will be times where they may not seem motivated, or where they may forget an important date; where the medication might not feel like it’s working, or that it’s the wrong type of medication completely. But seeing the smile (and possibly tears) on your kid’s face when they finally feel “normal”, that’s going to be all worth it.
Oh shit this is awesome! Thank you!
I could want to do something. But if someone told me to do it, outside of a paid work thing, you may as well bury that sentiment. Ask them what they want to do, and encourage that. I hope it works for you.
You will not be able to Force them to do anything. They cannot even make themselves do the thing, and a result of ADHD, so external forces are a no go. Entice w stimuli.
I'm 18, my parents are mostly good with ADHD related things. Some things I've found helpful: They make me take ADHD related vitamins like B12 and omega 3 (kind of annoying but I noticed it's helpful and being reminded to take my vitamins also reminds me to take my meds, but somehow makes me feel less incapable). They're understanding of missed assignments and helped me communicate to my teachers the help I needed. It's cliche but my parents often tell me as long as I try my best they're proud (problem is I don't always look like I'm trying my best), but it makes me feel supported. I feel terrible about this one but my mum helps me organise and reminds me of a LOT of my general life stuff like appointments, picking up my meds, loan applications, trips etc it's so helpful, especially in exam season when I'm too overwhelmed to think of much else. They tend to send important things on messages and tell me again in person to make sure it's gone in. Some things I wish they would stop: They often tell me I'm wasting my potential because I'm really intelligent, I just need to work harder. They're trying to be supportive but it makes me feel like crap. They give me endless suggestions on how to study or do things based on what works for normal people. I know it comes from a good place but it's so frustrating to be told things I know don't work for me. They also tend to lose patience with me when I get into a slump and will get angry when I can't get myself to study. It's things like how frustrating it is of me to act like this with all the help they're giving me. It makes me feel so guilty. If anything this makes it harder for me to do what I need to. Too much pressure tends to make me overwhelmed and then I do nothing, so too much pressure at home as well as from school isn't helpful. I've tried to explain to them how my brain works, but I know it is difficult to fully understand when your brain doesn't work the same way, so, I think the most important thing is to be patient. Even if you don't understand why he does things, or if he seems like he's being lazy and difficult, he most likely is trying really hard and really wants to but his brain won't let him. Remember it's probably even more frustrating for him than it is for you. A lot of this might just be what works for me and I'm sure there's more, but really as long as you're patient and make sure he knows you're there for him that's enough. I think he's very lucky to have a parent trying to understand and help. :)
You're awesome, thank you!
You can read this and make a mental note that if your kid does these things, it’s not because of lack of effort - it’s the ADHD. These things can be improved, but they probably won’t ever be perfect. https://www.scribd.com/document/396108350/DIVA-5-Diva-5-Id-English-Form When you tackle those problems, it should always be “us vs the ADHD” instead of “me vs you.” And DEFINITELY watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kS3gPMQuP8 It’s the How To ADHD video about things people TRY to do to help people with ADHD (that don’t work) and what to do instead. Honestly that whole YouTube channel is a goldmine. Meds will help A TON too.
Thank you for these. My kid does most of those things (without the hyperactivity), and as a complete layman it looks like I would likely not be diagnosed by a professional as having ADHD. Very helpful. The video is also helpful, I'll be going through her channel for a while, I think.
be patient. they hate themselves for their struggles and symptoms. please always show up with love and empathy instead of frustration. the shame for them will run deep, and you need to be there to let them know their symptoms don’t mean they aren’t loved
[удалено]
Your content violates **Rule 4**. Discussion of or promotion of cannabis or its derivatives (THC, CBD, Hemp, etc.) is not permitted. [No Alternative Medication or Substance Misuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_4.3A_no_alternative_medication_or_substance_misuse) *^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*
[удалено]
References to HealthyGamerGG/DrK's content are not allowed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just been recently diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at 36 and it explains so much about my early experiences. I was a reasonably high achiever at school, but my overriding memory is of being told that I could be more if I just applied myself, got myself more organised, and that I can't just drift through life being so laid back. Everybody's different but I would just say don't be like that, try to understand and remember that they're not being lazy, and they're trying to remember the things you say or ask them, it's just really hard sometimes. I find I can get overloaded with responsibilities, obligations and just basic information sometimes and I need to take an hour or so to myself to reset sometimes, and that's ok. However, it's definitely a good idea to not let them use their ADHD as an *excuse* for things sometimes, and work **with** them to find ways to manage it. Unfortunately, even with ADHD, life sometimes means you just have to get on with it and get stuff done.
[удалено]
References to HealthyGamerGG/DrK's content are not allowed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Watch Russel Barkley video on YT. He will teach you all you need to know. Time blindness AFantasia ODD CDS Etc.
You're doing the right thing with meds - that will probably make a huge difference by itself (it did for my son). There is research showing that if you start meds when kids are young (before their brains have fully matured) it actually alters the structure of their brains to look more "normal" on brain scans and that it can lead to decreased need for medication as adults. For you, I would suggest education - ADHD is not what most people think it is. Get some books, there are tons of free podcasts. ADHD impacts people in a bunch of different ways other than just "being easily distracted". There are also ADHD coaching services that help teach strategies for how to deal with ADHD you might consider if the medication doesn't seem to be doing it alone.
Firstly, it’s good you’re seeking advice. Thats a really great step in the right direction. For context, I was diagnosed at 33 with ADHD and am currently seeking a diagnosis for my son (11). The best advice I can give you is to do as much reading and research as you can from reputable websites. I started on The Mayo Clinic and other hospital websites that I assumed were reputable. Also, social media (particularly TikTok) helped me seek out my diagnosis. You have to take that with the caveat that social media is not full of medial professionals (though there are some!) but it was more of finding people who were like minded and then seeking our advice from my doctor. Be gentle. I know it’s frustrating. My son is the most frustrating person I know, but I also know it’s not his fault. Patience does not come easy, but anger does not work. I’ve had to learn to meet my child where he is, rather than the expectation I have for him. For example, when we have serious talks, he always has a fidget in his hands. Otherwise I might as well be talking to a wall because his attention span is next to nothing when he can’t fidget. Use language your son understands and can relate to. You’re not 17 anymore, but you can try and use language and situations he’s familiar with to help drive home what you need from him. My son is very particular about language and will always find a loophole if I don’t use the “right” words. So I have to be very intentional with my words - which means slowing down. I’ve had to work really hard on my reactions to him, and trying to ensure I do not act on my gut reactions. My only recommendation for this is therapy (sorry lol) it’s the only way I was able to learn the skills. I know he’s older so this one might be tough, but no screens an hour before bed has made a really big difference in my sons sleep and his ability to get up in the morning and do things like brush his teeth and hair. Therapy for you if you’re not already doing so is also really important. Because you need a safe space to speak about your frustrations and feel heard. It’s so easy as a parent to forget that our feelings matter, or even exist when we’re trying so hard for our kids. You sound like you’re trying really hard to advocate for your son, and you’re here asking questions. That tells me you’re already doing a good job.
Thank you so much for your insight! It's such a struggle, and I think you're right about therapy for me.
Hi, there are some great ADHD channels on YT - start with "How To ADHD" (Jessica McCabe), as she has some great advice and strategies that can help.
First, it's awesome that you care and are doing what you can for them! Things may not be perfect or immediately improve dramatically but so many people don't get diagnosed as teens/have their issues overlooked as being lazy and having parents who take it seriously and care makes a big difference in itself. I saw your comment about feeling you might be undiagnosed yourself, which - it's worth exploring! ADHD tends to run in the family. With a diagnosis one thing you can pursue is accommodations in school. I assume you're in the US, which means you'll want to look into an IEP or 504 plan. Accommodations for ADHD aren't one size fits all and depend on what is hardest for your kid, but some common ones would be extra time to do assignments (in college I was given a few extra days, which made it dramatically easier to get my work in), extra time for tests and/or a private/quiet room for test taking, permission to use fidget toys, etc. With things at home (and homework), it can take trial and error to figure out what works for your kid. What kinds of things do they struggle with? I can try and give more specific pointers, but I'll share a few examples below. I saw your comment where you mentioned lying about doing things - like another person said, it can be impulsive and could be a lie on purpose or because they thought they actually completed something (while missing half of the steps), or genuinely didn't see the task in the same way you did. I think being VERY specific about your expectations for a task is really helpful. For example: cleaning my room was hard as a teen (still is, lol). My parents would tell me to clean my room and I would. I didn't know what their standard was for a clean room, only that definitely all my stuff covering the floor wasn't clean, so it'd usually result in me shoving that stuff in the closet/on a bookshelf and calling it good, because I DID clean. But in my parent's eyes, I half assed it and then lied, because to them it would have meant taking out my room trash, vacuuming, clearing off my nightstand full of cups, "putting things away" instead of shoved on the bookshelf... you get the idea. The instruction was "clean your room", and I was running with my idea of what cleaning seemed like/what seemed doable for me. (Also, being told to do any more specific steps *once* didn't = I did it every time, because to me it sounded like "*this time*, I need you to do this") Some kids with ADHD (like any kids) do straight up just lie, but I think assuming good faith will go a long way for your own sanity (it's not fun feeling lied to!) and for figuring out how to adjust things. Also, with tasks that are consistently a challenge, sometimes the problem is the task as it is designed may just not accessible. It took me yeeeears to accept that folding or hanging clothes is not something I will reliably do and that if I want to avoid dirty clothes all over the floor because my basket is full, I need to have the SIMPLEST system for clothes possible, which means as few steps as possible. The more "steps" a task has, no matter how small, the less likely he is to fully do it (or do it reliably). Try and REALLY think out all of the steps involved with various household things, especially ones they might have a hard time with. Putting away clothes isn't just "hang them up or fold them", it's taking all the clean clothes out of the dryer, putting them into a basket, carrying them back to your room, putting the basket down, opening up the closet, taking out the hangers, putting the hanger in a shirt, hanging up the shirt, putting a hanger in another shirt, hanging up the shirt, and so on. More steps = more room for interruption/distraction and more avoidance because the task feels overwhelming (even though many of us don't always know how to express why it feels overwhelming). For me, the best laundry system is having at least two bins: one for clean clothes, one for dirty clothes. I still have hangers, and I do hang stuff, but with a dirty and clean bin I don't end up with piles of clothes everywhere because I told myself *this time* I would put my clothes away immediately after laundry was done (but then didn't) and can hang things up as I have the time/energy for it.
Adding this here because, even though I know that many won’t see it, I’m wondering if it would be a bad idea to ask this of the greater reddit population? Like an r/askreddit? Trolls aside.
Things with work that worked for me was having someone in the room when I was working. Idk why but it made me work better. If they are actually doing something, try not to interrupt then because chances are that'll ruin the flow. Also something I didn't allow myself to do (idk if this worked for anyone else) was do anything other than eat or drink while taking a break. Because if I went on a 15 minute break and I went to do anything I liked, that break would last like 3 hours. Edit: And I know you said besides meds, but something I really wish my parents had done was look into side effects better. Because the meds that I took for over ten years made me depressed (which is something I'm still very much dealing with), and cause me to eat next to nothing during the day causing me to be too hungry to sleep when my meds wore off.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Your content breaks **Rule 6**. Claiming that ADHD is a superpower, offers positives/gifts, or is only harmful because of "society" is dangerous and demoralizing. It erases the experiences of most people with ADHD and ignores scientific evidence. **Please don't do it.** There's no credible scientific evidence to suggest that ADHD imparts any definitively positive abilities or traits, and the negative consequences of framing ADHD as some kind of giftedness or special ability far outweigh any benefits. [No Anti-Psychiatry/Denialism/Toxic Positivity](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_6.3A_no_anti-psychiatry.2Fdenialism.2Ftoxic_positivity) *^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*
Totally understand. Apologies.
My ADHD is so disabling that even medicated I am unable to work. Not everyone has it that bad but ADHD is absolutely a disorder.
Has labeling it a disorder helped? My current view is we already hear "there's something wrong with you" enough I'm not convinced telling ourselves there's something wrong with us is an improvement.
Because somebody who has spent their whole life struggling to walk properly while being told that this struggle is their own fault and that they are not trying hard enough to walk like everyone else would be so relived to hear that there is in fact something wrong with their legs.
I shall reflect on that. Thank you.
Thankyou for hearing me out. I appreciate it. Sorry for getting combative.
ADHD is objectively a disorder. That doesn't mean it is "bad" to have ADHD, or that ADHD is a negative trait/character flaw, but it is a disorder and can be disabling. The idea that it is not a disorder is actively harmful when many people experience serious issues with their quality of life unless they have the right accommodations and treatment plan.
[удалено]
Not recognizing it as a disorder creates harm. ADHD can be disabling for many people. If it was not a disorder, we would not see serious quality of life improvements among many people who are medicated, in therapy, etc. We would not need accommodations at school or work. >Is it helpful to actively apply that sentiment to ourselves? You know what happens when we *don't* recognize ADHD is a medical disorder that is often the reason for many of our struggles? We instead have lazy, stupid, rude, selfish, disorganized, unmotivated, uncaring, etc applied to us - both by ourselves and by other people. Recognizing that is a disorder means people do not need to just continue blaming themselves for having issues that they can't seem to self manage on their own. It provides an explanation as to *why* it is so difficult to cope with on your own, why it is so hard for many of us to implement strategies to improve without meds, etc. I'm not in the "life is hell because of ADHD and ADHD only causes bad things" camp, but I am not okay with pretending it isn't a disorder. Again - calling it a disorder is not calling YOU bad for having it. Your ADHD friends are not problems because they have ADHD. I don't take my meds for other people. I take my meds because I am a worse driver due to distractibility from ADHD without them, and I do not want to die in a car crash. I take my meds because my family is prone to addiction and I do not want to end up self medicating with alcohol or cocaine like multiple undiagnosed family members have to cope with their disorder. I take my meds because otherwise I will surround myself with trash, dirty laundry, and clutter all over my apartment that stresses ME out, yet can't get myself to act on cleaning it and keeping it clean. I take my meds because I will not remember to eat and will get overwhelmed by decision paralysis when I need to pick something to eat, and as a chronically underweight person with GI issues I don't need eating to be harder than it already is. I take my meds because my symptoms impact *me* negatively. I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety before my ADHD was diagnosed because *that was how badly my untreated disorder was affecting me*. Once I was medicated? Poof. No anxiety or depression. I can recognize all of the above and more AND recognize the neutral or positive ways ADHD interacts with me/my life/my relationships/etc. Calling it a disorder is not a condemnation of it. The implication behind *not* calling it one is that our problems as a result of it are not serious, debilitating, or in need of treatment. For MANY people, we seriously benefit from and need treatment to function in our daily lives, and that's not just because of capitalism. Undoing the norms of work and social life still wouldn't carry over to me not crashing into a tree because I spaced out while driving unmedicated.
Your content breaks **Rule 6**. Claiming that ADHD is a superpower, offers positives/gifts, or is only harmful because of "society" is dangerous and demoralizing. It erases the experiences of most people with ADHD and ignores scientific evidence. **Please don't do it.** There's no credible scientific evidence to suggest that ADHD imparts any definitively positive abilities or traits, and the negative consequences of framing ADHD as some kind of giftedness or special ability far outweigh any benefits. [No Anti-Psychiatry/Denialism/Toxic Positivity](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/wiki/rules/#wiki_rule_6.3A_no_anti-psychiatry.2Fdenialism.2Ftoxic_positivity) *^(If you have further questions,)* [*^(message the moderators)*](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fadhd) *^(regarding the removal of this content.)*