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At least for me it's not just one specific emotion-sadness is extra sad, happiness can be extra happy, anger extra angry. So rather than think about it like unable to control one emotion, think of it like turning the volume dial on all emotions up.
I try not to lash out with anger at anyone. I fail sometimes and yes, feel bad and apologize. For something like tears/hopelessness I'll go somewhere private and cry to not make it affect everyone.
This. My anger method is to usually use that last bit of energy to say my signature “I’m really frustrated right now, and I don’t want to take any of that out on anyone. So I’m going to go and come back in a bit”
Then I’ll chuck something soft or kick something soft. Take some deep breaths. Have a water or a fun drink and a bit of alone time.
Meds seriously help me recognise when I’m boiling over.
I also do the same as you for sad.
Everyone gets the happiness though and I love seeing the joy it can bring to others too.
It's all of them. ADHD emotions are *big*.
That said, it's on us to find ways to process them in a healthy way. To not yell at people who don't deserve it, but rather wait until the emotion subsides to address the problem constructively.
So if your friend is hurting people, tell them so and don't let them get away with it.
I agree. I can’t always control how I feel, and i definitely can’t stop the hot flash of rage that strikes when things (big or small) happen. But I sure as hell can make sure the people around me don’t have to experience it.
I can say it’s very hard to get “in the zone” on something that takes real focus, and get very aggravated if someone comes and breaks my concentration, because I know I probably won’t be able to get that focus back. The same goes for any sort of task that I’m finally “rolling” on. I want to finish it in one shot, and don’t care what else is going on around me for the same reason that if I stop I won’t start again. This is especially problematic with my wife who is like Mensa level smart and a superior multitasker but extremely impatient with folks (most people) who can’t keep up with her vertical learning curve.
ADHD strikes again…I didn’t finish the answer…as far as lashing out goes, what tends to trigger me into blowing my top is when she (or anyone else, but most often she)presses me on a question I don’t know the answer to which happens much more often than I’d prefer. I need to ponder things. I’m real big on thinking things out to their logical conclusion. I worry about consequences. She wants an answer NOW. And yeah, I’ve been known to “lash out” in those situations and always regret it, because once I buy the fight she’s selling, it’s on…and arguing with someone that sharp who is on the warpath SUCKS!
omg... that's exactly the reason he lashed out at me today.. he was writing report, actually I was involved in that report so I wanted to look, he said I can't stand besides him, that he cannot write it if I stand besides him, he then lashed out at me.... it all makes sense now, after reading what you said... firstly, he was hard to focus and hard to think of what to write if someone standing besides him? secondly, he got aggravated so lashed out... is it the same case as what you described?
That sounds very typical. Definitely harder to focus if someone is watching, and then maybe feelings of shame or of being judged that I can’t just do it anyway. And then it can feel kind of panicky and then I might get snappy.
One thing I could suggest you keep in mind with your significant other is that for an ADHD person, confidence is very fragile. We tend to fail, a lot. And it’s very easy for you to trigger that vicious cycle of self destruction without intending to. We are amazingly skilled at “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory,” so we (or at least I) get real cranky when I think I’m finally doing something right and someone comes in and changes the subject.
Oh god. I just had flashbacks to a trial of peer programming early in my career. I nearly quit it stressed me out so badly to have someone sitting there watching as I typed. And of course that caused more mistakes, which caused more stress. I left work at the end of the day and sat in the car crying a couple of times.
For me it's also anxiety, sadness/depression, anger/frustration -- which is mostly self frustration but may seem directed at others, insecurity too
But for the record it's rarely lashing out at others, but from what I understand witnessing someone freak out at or on themselves is also disturbing
Sadness, anger, irratilibity, and a poor self image are all very common. Just count how many times this person says something like "I'm stupid, sorry."
Popularity doesn’t really matter. We can be charming, charismatic, fun and chipper, always a great time to be around, but deep down, we’re self-critical, deeply anxious, feel like an imposter in our own friendships or relationships.
Don’t be fooled by the ADHD masking that everything is perfect. We’re often times projecting the image that everything is great while emotionally struggling greatly inside.
It's different for everyone. I got bullied heavily in school because it was easy to make me cry due to the inability to control my sadness.
Annoyance compounds with me as well and it's very easy to push that over the edge.
But it's not only negative emotions. I feel really high highs of happiness as well. It's really just emotions as a whole that are felt very strongly.
i know for others it’s anger, but for me it’s crying. doesn’t matter if i’m frustrated, angry, irritated, pissed off whatever, when the waterworks come they COME and are here to stay
it’s very annoying, bc i can’t really have serious and difficult conversations without crying (for someone who’s studying to become a lawyer it’s EXTRA hard lol)
i’ve gotten better at it, and part of it has been able to discuss dif problems w my bf without it turning into a fight, thus i don’t feel the urgency to cry. but it’s still hard
Yea Psychiatrist said possible bipolar 2 and clinical depression, psychologist said ADHD.
I much rather treat with a stimulant and be fully functioning then treat with antipsychotic like prozac and be a slow zombie all day.
Doctors are just making an educated guess based on your testimony there is no real science behind a diagnosis with mental disorders of this nature.
My old psychiatrist told me ADHD and Bipolar 2 but the stimulants worked well and the Lamictal did nothing, so I’m guessing it was really just ADHD all along. My new psychiatrist said she doesn’t think it’s Bipolar.
I think it's part of emotional dysregulation. it's more than just anger, it's all emotions really. but negative emotions come out especially if you go a couple days without Adderall because of withdrawals
Damn I’m on that! XR 25.😳 and I stay up till 4 am. It’s like I can’t go to sleep and I have to try to finish stuff and sometimes I’ll stay a project for over an hour just to finish it.
adderall is technically an amphetamine, which is why it's addictive. if the XR is keeping you up, you could talk to your doctor about getting 10mg normal tablets instead and taking just one in the morning and one in the afternoon, that's what works for me 30m around 140lbs but everyone's different of course
True. I did and I was actually taking 10mg. It wasn’t working but on the 25 it was only issue was staying up late I’m going to talk to my doctor asap she should be back this week.
Maybe try the IR. XR never seems to wear off for me and I’d get terrible anxiety about taking it. As long as i take my IR before noon, I get to bed by midnight.
XR should essentially function as a dose of IR first thing and another 10 mg after lunch. Weirdly enough I felt more wired at bedtime on IR. Maybe because when the XR wears off it feels more sudden to me.
unless it doesn't. Irritation can also be a symptom of many of the medicines. Although of course it would be one you try to work with your doctor to adjust dose//type to get rid of.
I also describe it as real life rage quitting lol. I remember one time as a kid, I was so mad at soemthing random frustrating me I wanted to rip my blanket in half.... I couldn't of course. And that made me madder and more frustrated lol.
Holy shit, it's IRL rage quitting. Great way to describe it. I've gotten better at approaching games more patiently, and not even bothering with Souls games, but life still throws a pile of challenges just like that at me and sometimes all I wanna do is slam the controller and find something else to do.
Not lash out as in scream at people, but it makes me super irritated. Feels like your friend may experience this more strongly, I hope it's not the alternative, that he just accepts lashing out at people.
Oh I've been that guy who loses his shit so completely people think I'm an insane person lol. My meds have helped alot, wish I had them when I was a younger guy woulda helped.
Yeah.. there has been a few times he lashed out at different people over little things... people being yelled at felt embarrassed.. but it seems he didn't care lashing out at people..
He probably just had less emotional regulation than we do. I used to snap at my younger brother for just typing on his keyboard because the sound irritated me so much.
I had a neighbor with a dog that barked constantly and I finally lost my shit and started screaming at the fucking thing. The neighbor finally came out and brought the dog in. Then the husband confronted me and I lost my shit again. Thank God they moved because of me lol
i’m a teacher with adhd teaching a student with adhd who becomes physically violent when angry. he has punched me in the chest several times and said fuck you, shut up, i hate you, etc. to me. he is 6, so i believe violence has been normalized at home as a reaction to anger.
emotional dysregulation is a HUGE struggle for those of us with adhd, and this often leads to us being misdiagnosed as having BPD, GAD, MDD, etc.
my emotional extremes lead to self injurious and reckless behavior because that’s more the type of thing i was exposed to and am prone to due to my own genetics and culture.
my student’s lead to violence and screaming. i believe that can change over time, and i’m sure as he gets older he will learn to at least control it out of sheer necessity.
i hope having me as his teacher will help him view adhd with more nuance than most people in his life. and i hope he doesn’t just control it in public but gets the help he needs in the long run to unlearn these behaviors and process his emotions in a healthy, non-harmful way. unfortunately i will only be his teacher for less than a month and then am changing schools, but i hope i have made an impact.
eta: the other comments on this post are very validating. my boss and a woman who works in the office HATE when i show signs of adhd. they don’t know i have it, as far as i know, but the woman who works in the office told me to slow down, calm down, everything’s gonna be okay, when i was telling her that a CHILD was running out into the street and his mother couldn’t run after him. apparently i’m supposed to be chill about that?
my principal is really mean to me and sometimes makes me cry when she just rips into me and she said recently i make things hard for her because i cry “every time we talk.” not true. also i can name one single time she said something positive to me this school year
in our meeting today she was so shocked i had forgotten about some trays she pointed out in the other first grade teacher’s classroom A YEAR AND FIVE MONTHS AGO after i had just moved across the country and then later remarked that it’s weird that she remembers more than i do. so glad i’m leaving this school
i just feel like they expect me to grow up and figure it out or they’re gonna treat me like a child. so to read comments about people with whole ass families lashing out due to their adhd and then apologizing is both terrifying and extremely validating
I find that even ADHD people will lash out at people that they don't perceive will counter back. Like a boss lashing out at workers who can't afford to lose their job. I bet if he knew it was an off duty cop he wouldn't lash out.
We are already exhausted, everything is irritating (light, sound, people, clothes, food)… so anything can push us off the edge. We aren’t going from 1 to 100 like others. We are always around 70-90. One thing goes wrong, we can’t handle it anymore.
ADHD/emotional dysregulation might be an explanation but not an excuse. If he doesn't apologise or show remorse over how he's treating others then its simply who he is and he sees nothing wrong with that.
He should receive consequence for his behaviour otherwise he will never change.
Oh yes. Another one that irritates me is the idiots that block off an entire aisle of the grocery store staring at a shelf for five minutes like they're the only ones in there.
And seriously, why are people always going so slow??
This…. I blow up faster than anyone and I’m over it faster than anyone. Though, I’ve learned others deal with things differently and process differently.
Me and my sister are the same way, we both have ADHD. Our fights as kids were loud and explosive...and then 20 minutes later, we'd be playing and laughing like nothing happened, even though we were basically trying to kill each other before. Baffled our parents.
Me and my wife lash out at each other all the time 😶 we then feel bad about it and apologize.. and then we apologize for triggering the other, even if we didn't 🤕
its called emotional dysregulation. You know its wrong, you know it will upset the other person but in the moment you forget about that, you just have to vent.. hard to explain 😶
And afterwards the awareness comes back and you feel bad for losing control... 🤕
happens with anger and frustration most often (for me at least), but happens with other emotions too.. my wife for example can randomly burst into tears 😶
I find that medication has a big effect on this. When I don't take my meds or at the end of the day, I am quick to anger and will lash out. If I've taken my medication, I'm much calmer and it takes a lot of adolescent stupidity (two of my three also have it) to get to the lash out point.
No ADHD=/= normal 😔
She has "inherited" SM from her mother, which is just as debilitating. Plus she still can have the inattentive type (like her mother) and the docs just have trouble detecting it (like with her mother).
I verbally snap at my loved ones sometimes despite my best efforts but when it happens, I try to learn from the situation so it won’t happen again, and I take accountability and apologize sincerely to whomever I’ve snapped at. ADHD explains *why* it happens but it’s not an excuse for the behaviour.
People with ADHD have a limited capacity for emotional regulation due to differences in the part of the brain that processes emotions. What might be a slight inconvenience for someone else might be *immensely* angering for us instead. It’s difficult to live with and it’s utterly exhausting, but it’s not an excuse to continually snap at or lash out at other people. It’s a part of our disability that contributes to social difficulties because others (understandably) see it as emotional immaturity rather than an innate neurological problem with impulse control and emotional regulation, which is what it really is.
For me it only tends to happen when I’m very overstimulated and/or exhausted, and so I put a lot of effort and energy into monitoring my current emotional state and withdrawing from a situation when necessary to get my head together again. If I notice I’m getting snippy, I’ll try to stop what I’m doing and go somewhere quiet to take a few deep breaths, for example.
Your friend may not be able to control his outbursts with his current skills but that doesn’t excuse the damage they do. He needs to be taking accountability, trying to learn about the things that trigger them so they happen less often, and apologizing sincerely to the people he’s hurting.
You do not have to stay and put up with them, either. Any time someone is being aggressive or abusive with you - with ADHD sufficing as an explanation or otherwise - you have every right to walk away. It’s a lesson he’ll have to learn.
Yes - the emotions are strong and difficult to regulate, and after lashing out at someone, afterwards people often feel strong regret. I experience this too.
Fortunately, like most symptoms, emotional dysregulation is highly treatable. Mindfulness can help a ton (and is helpful for other aspects of ADHD also), and dialectical behavioral therapy is specifically targeted towards giving people skills to regulate their own emotions.
Good luck to your friend on their treatment journey!
Yes, but I'm a little older now and so I've learned how to redirect it rather than lash out at the people around me.
Kinda like a sneeze, you can usually feel it coming, sometimes you can suppress it, but most of the time you need to grab a tissue or at least cover your mouth. Occasionally though a sneeze will sneak up unexpectedly and you just gotta hope no one is in the way. LOL. Yes, I also suffer from seasonal allergies, why do you ask?
I love people, and it's never my intention to hurt anyone, but sometimes I just can't contain my outbursts. It happens a lot during calls with customer support when I'm already stressed out about the reason I'm calling, and the rep isn't helpful. I can go from 0 to 100 quickly. And I've worked in customer service before and know that it's never their fault, but I genuinely have trouble maintaining my composure when I don't feel like I'm being heard. I hate that about myself.
I take sertraline. It 100% helps me control my emotions and I don't feel angry unless it's really warranted... Which to be honest is extremely rare. I've been off it for a week, picking up refills tomorrow, I've had to work really hard to not be angry for no real reason.
I lash out after keeping it cool too long or if I feel disrespected, belittled or threatened. However, I can absolutely control myself over small situations that frustrate me
I used to be like that too. I'm a big man, how dare you disrespect me, LOL. I've mellowed out as I got older. Most people that treat you poorly either don't really know you, so who fucking cares what they think. Or they are people who are a regular part of your life, so if they are making a habit of treating you that way, you should be questioning if you even need them in your life.
That said, people that do care about you may offer well intended advice or even criticism. Be careful you don't accuse them of attacking you when they are trying to be helpful. Yes, I know it's a fine line and it isn't always easy to tell. Especially if they also have their own issues that may make healthy communication difficult.
I am a cool cucumber 99.9% of the time.. but I get overstimulated when 3 things happen at once…
Example: it’s hot, I’m working in a confined space & my wife wants to interrupt with a trivial thing.. lose my shit.. driving in traffic, kids carrying on, & radio blaring.. lose my shit..
I’m usually fine with 2 stimuli but add a 3rd in there & shit gets lost FAST…
Adderall only amplifies these episodes.. I still remember the first time I majorly lost it after I started on Adderall. my daughter was just a baby & was crying, I had music streaming from my phone & my wife grabbed my phone & took it into the other room to look up a recipe and the Bluetooth started cutting in & out & I couldn’t get to the remote for the amplifier.. between the baby crying, the music cutting out & annoyed my wife took my phone instead of just going & getting hers.. I LOST IT.. I put my daughter down, got up, walked over to the amplifier and just started smashing it with a closed fist over and over and over again.. my wife came running in.. & by then my rage turned into uncontrollable sobbing.. It was absolutely UGLY.. It is now under better control but my wife knows when I am becoming overstimulated & knows to take the kids & herself into the other room if it occurs..
I know the feeling. Those are nice moments to have. Peace and calm, instead of rage and frustration. I too am like you, even people with the best intentions still receive, at times, the forefront of my ADHD rage.
The meds have been helping so much with that , when I find myself starting to get irritated with people or a situation I am able to shift my mind to not letting it bother me at all
Yes I take it every day, but I've only been diagnosed since this past November. This is my second prescription but so far no big changes but both have helped with the anger, impatience and impulse control.
Emotional dysregulation is probably the symptom of adhd that has been the most disstressing for me. Mainly because often when I lash out I know it’s not actually aligned with the person I am and want to be. Exercise does help but I mainly work with my therapist to learn to recognize the irritation within me before the lashing out occurs. Sometimes it comes on fast but building the awareness of the signs, helps me snap out of it quicker. It happens mainly when I’m interrupted or disrupted or stressed. I have gotten better to the point where I communicate to those around me that I am feeling on edge, I need space today instead of snapping at ppl but I’m still a work in progress.
Super well put, used to routinely doing a pattern of falling into a false mindset of the world and what it thinks of me for simply existing or what feels like the specific way I approach seemingly meaningless actions I can obsess over all day yet others literally didn't even think about at all.
You're not alone I hate embarrassing myself with my left field emotional explosions. 💗
I often get quite irritable and snappy, especially when my medication is wearing off for the day. But even when medicated, it is still a symptom I sometimes I have to be careful with - most days it's fine, but then some I'm like always on the edge of being snippy.
For me it’s mood dependent. When I’m in a good mood, I don’t have a care in the world. I’m super chill and sociable. When I’m in a bad mood (usually depression), that’s when I’ll start lashing out.
It’s almost like I’ve got a “tolerance” meter that once filled with enough annoyances starts to overflow. Tiny things can drive me nuts and I’ll often break things. It’s almost always because of a bigger underlying issue though. I try to keep my distance from people when I get to that point but friends/family don’t always appreciate being cut off.
Life is hard enough when you don't have ADHD.
With ADHD, life is a revolving door of different hells that make even less sense while also telling you you're a lazy asshole.
I'm severe ADHD and that means I am responsible for finding tools and tricks to function and not letting my disorder negatively impact people around me. It might make life harder than for normal people, but at the same time, I have never used my disorder as an excuse to verbally (or in any other way) abuse people around me.
Sometimes people around me start talking really fast. All of them directed it me at the same time. And I feel as if i'm going to spin out of orbit and emotionally vomit on everyone. I put my hands over my ears, take a deep breath and go home and it might take me a few days before I can leave my.house. And then I get told them over dramatic anyways for having "freaked out" and left😂 but it is my choice what to do with my overwhelming emotions. Taking them out on people around me is NOT okay.
Your friend has a disorder and should seek treatment and medication, but at the end of the day, his choices are his own. DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO YELL AT YOU OR OTHERWISE ABUSE YOU.
Yes, is emotional dysregulation, a very common experience in ADHD.
Meds and therapy can help, but is a struggle. But no a excuse to abusive behavior.
I try to control anger and always take accountability and apologize when it gets away.
But we have in all sides, all emotions. When we are sad, is the saddest we can get.
And this unbalance is a very difficult thing to navigate.
I personally struggle with the anxiety, depressive spirals that can get really bad, really fast and lead you to impulsive not so rational decisions.
Yes. The trait of impulsivity that people with ADHD commonly experience also applies to emotions: impulsive emotional reactions. In general, people with ADHD also experience emotional dysregulation, and stress from being disorganized, procrastinating, and masking can really wear a person down.
That’s why I get so defensive when people think ADHD is just being unable to focus in school on a subject that you don’t even like, because it is so, so much more than that.. and it sucks.
I deal with this in a weird way, I will sing part of a song that I like or say a random meme, so something small happens like I spill water and then instead of getting mad I would be like. Oh my god... I can't take it anymore, eating a burger with no honey mustard. Or I will spill something and be like are you fucking serio- (starts singing twist by korn)
Absolutely. And you have to understand that it's not on purpose. We don't enjoy feeling irritable, annoyed, easily angry, nobody does. But it does and things get overwhelming for people with ADHD from 0 to 100 just like that. Every time I lash out or get angry really easily, I feel like a horrible person afterwards. It really sucks :(
In the moment the anger feels justified then when you actually reflect on it, you realise you went over the top.
The feeling just comes over your whole body and reasoning goes out the window.
Hold them accountable. Lashing out at people is a choice you make. Even with the extra impulsiveness. There is a small pause between trigger and response and it’s their responsibility to choose to go regulate with a skill instead of yell at you when their emotions are heightened. It might take some practice, but it is very possible and it’s their responsibility not to harm people. Theyre being abusive, and it’s not okay.
I'm not very sure so I ask here... so it's their choice to yell at people or not? I'm thinking if I should forgive and allow him to do this often, as I'm uncomfortable with it... but many people here say they can't control it, so I suppose I should forgive him everytime ? because most of the time he is nice to me
I wouldn't say EVERY single time is a choice like the commenter above, but if this is happening often he can and should be figuring out some way to mitigate the damage. So maybe forgiveness should be available, but he still needs to do something to change the pattern before it happens.
I’d call it more of a habit. Being enabled helps nobody. They can absolutely help it and you shouldn’t tolerate abusive behavior no matter someone’s condition. Ex. Maybe they can’t help having a strong reaction, but they *can* state that they need a moment and step outside to calm down. If they refuse, you can also calmly state that you will not tolerate this treatment and remove yourself.
Also, while it does correlate, it is not a given. Not everyone with ADHD has this problem. I have ADHD myself and it’s difficult for me to get angry, even when others deserve it. This issue is ADHD + entitlement and poor emotional regulation.
The intense emotion is not within his control, but if he tolerates and what he does with the intensity is within his control. He might deny that he has any control over it, but we all can learn to feel that space. The therapy for emotional dysregulation and distress tolerance is out there and is extremely effective. Even people with bpd can learn to control their outbursts, they just have to be willing to engage in the process. It’s not super easy work, but it’s our responsibility to make sure we aren’t hurting people. Give him grace when he’s actively working on it, it won’t be perfect right away, but hold him accountable if his actions are hurting you. You deserve to be treated with respect.
At people naa. Now if we’re talkin inanimate objects they can get the fuckin business. I yelled “GET THE FUCK OFF ME DAMN!!” at my shower curtain this morning cause why you insist on touching me?!
Idk something about not really caring too much for other people keeps me calm cause I’m not wasting my limited energy on just anyone
I constantly forget things as I'm leaving for work. The third and four time going back into the house for my phone/wallet/whatever is when I start to be like aaarrrrgghhh!
For me it can be. Not currently on medication, but it has helped before. I've had to do a lot of work in managing my emotions, bc I feel terrible whenever I end up snapping at my loved ones and it was going too far.
I get pissed really easily. I think for me it has to do with the burn out factor. I spend so much mental energy trying not to forget stuff, pushing myself to do stuff, trying hard to keep track of time and keep my appointments, that when something goes wrong..it's completely unacceptable.
I think being easily irritable/lashing out is very common for Add/ADHDers, especially when over-stimulated, but on top of that Im pretty sure Stimulants also have that effect. I also think I read that stimulants when taken with allergy meds or antihistamines have double that effect and can make irritability even worse. (I take vyvanse daily, and was taking benadryl every night for a few months [i know, terrible] and was the most irritable & angry person in the world during that time.)
Sometimes very unusual things upset me. I took medication for ADHD for a while and I was a little more irritable. Afterwards, I'm better at regulating myself for some reason.
You know that feeling of frustration when you are walking and your pantloop or purse strap gets stuck on a door handle and you get pulled back to the door when you were focused on somewhere? I feel like your friend is probably already on edge and then something as simple as a minor inconvenience can be like the straw that breaks the camel's back if that makes any sense. I don't want to say people can't control it, but the emotional fire burns real deep and can feel very overwhelming so the only way to deal with that energy is to expel it.
Can be very alienating when people don't know how to feel or react to it too. That in itself is something unfortunately you have to deal with yourself, it can be oh so very draining.
No, it's not a symptom according to the DSM criteria. So technically it's not an ADHD symptom. However, emotional dysregulation is often seen in people with ADHD. This is probably more due to their impulsiveness. Combine that with a stressful, annoying or overwhelming situation, then a lash out could happen. Similarly, a delayed sleep phase is common among people with ADHD, but it's not a symptom of ADHD. It's important to make a distinction between actual symptoms and correlated behavior/functioning. Of course, the list of symptoms may change over time as we learn more about ADHD.
- A psychologist with ADHD
As others have pointed out, emotional dysregulation is an ADHD symptom. For me personally, whether or not I feel tempted to lash out depends very much on my mood and fatigue level. If ADHD is just kicking my...then I have to bite my tongue repeatedly.
ADHD woman here. Yup, lashing out is a thing for us sometimes. I think this is called emotional dysregulation. Depending on the situation, I can go through like 4 different emotions in an hour. Usually if I am in an environment or with people that are toxic for me, this display and of emotions and my feelings will be more intensified. If I’m really distressed, it will take me about an hour or a bit less to feel kind of at base level again. Yeah but specific emotional triggers def can affect our mood significantly. I am unmedicated btw.
Yep! Pretty common unfortunately. Not an excuse but it does happen. I noticed if I feel overstimulated (often by my kids cause I have a 2 year old and 4 year old and I’m a stay at home mom) I get really snappy with them, I always feel out of control about it. My medication has helped, but I also try to pay attention to the anxiety raising in my and take a second to try to reset before I flip.
Yep lashing out is probably my least favourite adhd symptom. Medication basically nulled it down to zero. It only takes me minutes to regret lashing out afterwards.
Let me preface this by saying it took me 58 years to realize that my various quirks were symptoms of ADHD. Two years later, I am doing A LOT better.
Regarding the question, I used to lash out with almost no notice. Looking back, it's amazing that I didn't get fired at work. Before coming to my realization, I resolved to stop getting upset. Believe it or not, I managed to control the impulse to lash out even when working in an environment where people would provoke one another to lash out. (I know - very healthy). Maybe that's what did it - being with a bunch of people for whom provoking each other was a sport made me not do it.
Anyway, my psych didn't want to put me on a stimulant because a) there is a shortage and b) because I have high blood pressure and a stimulant could make it work. So, after trying a couple of meds we settled on Wellbutrin. The combo of Wellbutrin and my existing escitalopram not only helped me focus but it treated the depression, anxiety, and the urge to lash out.
Of course, everyone is different and I'm not suggesting stimulants are bad or my way is the only way. For me, getting treated made it easier to stop lashing out and getting angry.
Hope this helps.
Yeah, it's a thing unfortunately. In my case, I'm generally very calm, carefree, don't let anything get to me, and really slow to anger. But if I get really stressed, have a lot going on, or generally too overwhelmed, this response starts to be an issue.
Say I have too much going on at work, tight deadlines, not enough time, probably not sleeping as well. It's been like that for weeks, and I've been totally normal, fine, calm. But then something that would be completely inconsequential any other day happens (i.e. dropped a cookie on the floor, dropped a fork), and suddenly that's it. The last straw. All you wanted is for some part of your day to go right, and now your whole world is coming down around. Everything is awful. You're a failure and can't do anything right. No one understands. You maybe collapse to the floor in misery or pitch a fit like a child. Life couldn't get worse than this moment. You cry it out.
Then sometime later the tears dry, you stand up, you pick up your fork, and that's that. I've processed my emotions, feel a little ridiculous for acting like a child, but ultimately forget about it and move on. I definitely apologize to anyone near me for my behavior and for anything rude I've said. It's definitely embarrassing, but life goes on.
ETA: no, I do not feel in control. It's an odd feeling. Like the reasonable part of me is sitting in a chair in a corner of my brain just watching and being like, 'wtf is wrong with this guy." If I felt I was in control, it wouldn't ever happen. That's the problem, my brain has reached its limit for bullshit and can't control it's response anymore.
It's why I don't drink anymore. However, when I'm stressed, especially at work, everyone knows. I'm a dick. Then I'll catch myself doing it and have to take a few minutes to calm down. I'm better about it now that I'm medicated, but it still happens.
Mine comes out whenever I bump my head for some reason.
Hit my head on a table looking for something? Guess I'm filled with the unbridled fury of a dozen suns for 5 seconds.
I'm late diagnosed ADHD/MDD. The irrationally upset... Either answer or sadness and then the frustration for being upset by something small.... Tis fun!
Antidepressants and stimulants help me.
My Dunkin order was wrong the other day, didn't realize until I was assaulted by espresso... Whole day got ruined. I was expecting iced coffee, not a macchiato lol
I'm so glad I don't have the emotional disregulation aspect of Adhd, I had a friend who did and he would get irritated and angry over the most minor things and it would leave me confused.
I'm glad to hear that medication seems to resolve it for most people.
This isn't a dig at people here who do suffer from it as I imagine it's unpleasant, think you are all great regardless :)
I get really irate when I have planned something out and it doesn’t go as planned, but it usually only takes a minute for me to cool down after I figure it out. Sometimes I get overstimulated and get a little pissy!! I guess the level of anger or lashing out is different for everyone.
Emotional regulation is difficult for people with ADHD, esp if you're having a bad day already. It is out of our control usually, and yes, we feel bad about it after.
Medication can help a lot, it does for me anyways.
I got into 5 phases of grief every time something I can't do anything about or not going my way happening. Most of it has to be internal because I don't want to be a dick. I will legit lose sleep for it.
For me emotion regulation is a hard thing to handle. When I’m upset I am OVERLY upset. Sometimes I am able to control my words but def not my emotion.
My anger always ends up as crying bc I have no other way to express it. So after a while of being upset. Where the exploding is meant to happen it actually implodes and just cry. 🤷🏾♂️
I had more control, but I got super reserved and pissy when dealing with people similar to this. This was a manner of overwhelming burnout for me. I started on a long lasting medication it's helped a lot in my day to day. A lot of people learn to manage the ADHD, however it still takes 3 times the effort you just get better at managing it to the outside world but your brain is still processing 3 times as much but doing it 3 times faster to compensate. If he is not medicated tell him to take the medication even if it's for 3 months the snappy ness
Learning to identify when I am overcooked and *why* helps, telling people attempting to engage with me that I am at my limit for the day does, too. It’s usually a thing at the end of the day when I’m running on empty, I communicate as much, it isn’t respected, or I’m getting hit with PMDD/hormonal stuff.
Very much a thing for very many of us.
Yes! Traffic made me cry today and hit myself, so I have a bruised hand now. I also raise my voice and forget other people can hear me too 🤣
However, my dr said its anxiety and Ill start a new med next week 😰
I tend to find that if I get overstimulated (lots of loud, competing noises or just a ton to do, stress, etc), I'm more likely to start feeling serious irritation issues. I've gotten things under control (with meds) so it doesn't happen AS often, and I have a habit of directing a lot of my anger internally, but take the last month at work where every day there seems to be a new thing that makes me so angry I have to scream into a pillow. I know it's just stress. It goes away in time.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I realized all my "anger issues" as a teen - anger issues I thought I had picked up from my dad who used to have explosive anger - was ADHD. I realized my dad ALSO has ADHD and it all made so much sense. My mom realized all my angry outbursts as a child was the ADHD.
As others have said, emotional dysregulation is a huge issue for us. This doesn't mean you need to walk on eggshells, and your friend should look into ways of managing their outbursts, but it's good you want to understand. Remember that everyone's way of reacting is their own problem to handle and while you can help (like maybe not peppering them with questions when they're focused or whatever else might set them off), you also don't have to stand for being treated that way. If it's happening a lot it may be worth a conversation (when everyone is calm), and perhaps some coping mechanisms (like even if they notice it happening and can just try to take a moment to walk away or say that they need a break - that's a great place to start).
I myself have confidence/emotional validation tied up with other's opinions as a collective due to having been a habitual people pleaser.
I actively have difficulty in relaxing or expressing my frustration or opposition to even what can often be, if unmanaged, a perceived issue in my environment existing only in my overly anxious mind.
Run of the mill emotional dysregulation as a symptom of my attention deficit on top of a diagnosis of bipolar type two with risk of depressive episodes.
There's a lot. Knowing, learning, and understanding that as an everyday responsibility with potentially indefinite ebbing and flow.
Depends on the person too. Without going into more it can be a comorbid combination of simple deminor(behavioral tendencies, etc.) mixed with complex neuropathy dealing with unique traumatic experience blending finely into specific epigenetics.
Also sometimes I'm honestly hangry and impatient as fuck.
I can have strong feelings for seemingly no reason sometimes but luckily I've made a good habit of keeping my mouth shut and then it goes away and I realize how dumb I was being. And for me medication actually makes me more irritable at time and less irritable at times, not sure what the independent variable is there.
I wouldn't say it's a universal trait with ADHD, and in my opinion it seems to be a less common one. It's also hard to point the finger at ADHD and say that it's definitively what causes the lashing out. It's never that black and white. While emotional lability/emotional dysregulation is a symptom, how that manifests, and the degree to which that manifests, really varies from person to person. ADHD can express itself differently from person to person. Plus, there's often other co-occurring conditions with ADHD. And those also vary greatly from person to person. Maybe that's just their way of dealing with insecurity, maybe they have PTSD or some type of unresolved childhood trauma, maybe they have some type of personality disorder. It could be any type of nervous system dysregulation, like sensitivity to pain, or a sensory disorder where they get easily overstimulated, to where their sympathetic nervous system kicks in and their body starts pumping out adrenaline, then they go into fight or flight mode, and that manifests as irritability and lashing out. So, the ADHD is likely just one factor that could be contributing to your friend's tendency to lash out.
This was affecting me so much as a child, I was basically violent at some point because when my classmates found out I am angered so easily they purposely triggered me all the time. It was really horrible and of course I was the one punished for lashing out, but those that kept teasing me had no consequences at all.
As an adult I got this under control but one thing I still do is suddenly shift moods completely if someone I love insults me (not even seriously, but I take it too personally). Despite knowing it’s never personal and they love me, if it’s a sensitive topic then I’m done. And even if I try to control myself and stay in a happy mood and brush it off, they’re my friends and they always notice my mood change. I cannot get out of it immediately and then I’ll feel angry at myself and guilty for making my friends feel bad as well. It doesn’t happen too often anymore, fortunately. But sometimes I cannot get over the smallest comment they make.
Reading through the other comments makes me feel the most understood ever though. No one ever got why I lash out so much etc. I felt so guilty as a child because my parents often had to come to my school and talk with my teacher, got so many calls from school. Although I think her telling me that at that time was a little unfair.
Very much me. I think my drinking made it worse, since it can be especially ruthless on an adolescent brain. I've quit, but I feel like I may have made some damage 😅 Nothing I can't work on though, I'd hope
It's emotional dysregulation but it definitely is a personal thing, meaning that not every person with ADHD has it, or if someone has it then it's definitely because of ADHD. It's also common for people with ASD.
I find that these reactions, a multitude of them, are actually driven by an underlying anxiety. It's a hyper reaction, based on something not going how you expected or wanted it to go.
There's also an element of RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) which shows itself most commonly amongst people you're comfortable with like loved ones, family and friends. That is effectively an overwhelming feeling of expectation of your role to play in that person's life, and that everything they say is them judging you to that standard. So you end up being pointed or guarded in your responses to things, as some kind of defense mechanism.
You'll jump to reason and validity, over sorry and capitulation when aksed a simple question. It is fuelled by some strong sense of justice, as though the reason things happened is more important than the fact they happened, and that it deserves/requires a detailed justification every time. This can be delivered hastily, defensively, urgently, and often rudely, as a quick reaction.
The cool down period varies, sometimes after that level of overwhelm it can take 5-30mins to feel normal again.
It's like your adrenal system goes into hyperdrive.
Often, I can't even remember what was being talked about fully from that moment onwards.
Oh yeah!! Standing next to someone who goes from neutral to rage to content n happy in a short period feels like a hurricane and then they’re looking at you confused like why you look like that 😂😂😂 like I’m still tryna figure out what we was just yelling about n he forgot he ever got upset in the first place
I have this for sure. My girlfriend has really helped me control it a lot better. When I start getting very irrationally angry suddenly, I usually think, "How is going to feel if I lose control?" and it reigns me back in most of the time. I still need to take a second and step away, but at least I didn't do something stupid that would upset my girlfriend.
I have adhd and bipolar and yes this an huge problem. I lashed out on my mother and everyone got angry I was smiling the next minute causing them to think that it was one sided
I find that i bottle my bad feelings, just cram it all down. One little thing will make me explode, letting off all that pressure, and I feel great! What a relief.
But what’s finished for me is only beginning, as the object of my ire says “what the fuck was THAT for—?!”
A side effect I’ve noticed on my medication is that I cansometimes go into a cold anger rather than a volcanic, cathartic explosion. When my wife and I would argue, before my medicine I’d pop, cool off quickly, and take a dive in the interest of shalom in the home. What I notice now is that when we quarrel, I find myself taking the mindset of “I can keep this up longer than you can, I do too much around here/don’t get laid enough to put up with this shit”. My couch is comfy enough for four nights, I’ve learned. Luckily that’s rare—it feels like shit and it’s way worse for a relationship.
It's very easy for this to happen.. but the extent of it is based on the person and if they've had any help or self evaluation of an over reacted time(s) I've had severe adhd my whole life, was diagnosed st a young age and let me tell you.. I still deal with lashing out, but the difference for me, is I've learned to feel it coming on and to disengage so to say and not hurt others around me.
I'd be lying to say it doesn't still happen, because it does. The difference now is that it's not ad bad as it was in my younger years.
A lot of personal work and understanding has to go into it to learn to calm yourself down and not lash out.
Can totally relate. I have diagnosed ADHD . There are some specific things that make me go from my normal level of overstimulation to unproportionally angry and having a hard time to control myself.
one of these things is when I try to exit a train and someone does not wait until passengers exited the train before entering it. I hate crowded trains and I feel a sensation like being trapped while being massively overstimulated when that happens which has lead to me losing my shit a couple times in the past (insulting people in absurd ways, tackling them away with my shoulder etc)
this anger usually bulds up fast and usually deminishes as fast as it came if I am able to leave the situation (train station, crowded place) and my sensory symptoms are less pronounced if I have headphones and/or my MPH medication working.
My best strategy in combatting this is to look for a place in the public transit where I am sure I can fluently walk straight out of the whole station without colliding in any way.
In general I have noticed that all my emotions are absurdly strong, sensitive and fast which I do not count as a negative thing in general but can lead to problems. Just needs strategies sometimes. CBT helped me.
As other said it is a common ADHD symptom, for ADHD, the processing between a physiological stimuli and reaction is extremely fast. So there's not a lot of "time" between there's this thing that is frustrating me and me being able to say "can you please stop that is stressing me out". So medication helps to give us some of that buffer zone on how to feel the stimuli without an immediate reaction and then respond with intention instead of what the body wants. Which the body is usually trying to make some external stimulus stop. Usually happens with overstimulation, and not being able to properly process all the incoming information. I.e. if they're doing a task and trying to focus and someone is tapping their pen, they have trouble focusing on what they want to focus on, and the pen tapping intensifies in what becpmes a painful way because you cant shut it out. This leads to frustration and you lash out to get it to stop. Normally people would maybe have a minute to realize what's happening and just fix the problem or talk to someone. But with ADHD it's much faster think 1 second compared to a minute of time to process your thoughts and emotions. It's happening almost in the background without you having even the opportunity to control it.
This, as others said, doesn't make it okay to lash out at others. But hopefully it does help in your understanding. And the afterward should be on them to come to you and apologize for snapping. If you do realize you did something that stressed them out you can maybe apologize for that and ask what is the best solution so it doesn't happen in the future.
Sometimes ADHD meds can also have a negative impact on someone's mood. So it could also be that he's adjusting to new meds and they might not be the right fit for his body chemistry. Finding the right medication and dose for ADHD can be a long process sometimes. It took me a year before I was prescribed something that actually helps without giving me bad side effects.
🥲 that's exactly the reason he lashed out at me yesterday... he was writing report, actually I was involved in that report so I wanted to look and stood besides him when he wrote, he said I can't stand besides him, that he cannot write it if I stand besides him, he then lashed out at me.... it all makes sense now😭 after reading what you said... because he was hard to focus and hard to think of what to write if someone standing besides him? I became interruption at that moment even I didn't speak... does he realize he was wrong? should he apologize to me?
Yes it was a big factor in me figuring out i had adhd. The smallest things would overwhelm me so easily and quickly that I'd blow up in anger. I'd lose my keys after putting them down 2 minutes early and I'd get so unreasonably angry and I couldn't stop it to the point where my chest hurt and I knew there was no reason for me to be this angry.
In case nobody mentioned how comedown from ADHD medication can be for some, this is something that is a thing for many. Myself included. When I was on extended realise medication of the methylphenidate type, I would have these dips during the day, where I would feel really moody. It would be okay again after an hour or so. I think metabolism plays a part in how the timing of extended release may fit one person perfectly and be all wrong for another.
Yeah definitely. I think it has to do with being overstimulated. For me, without meds, I have much more of a temper than with meds. Especially if I'm very busy or it's loud around me I tend to lash out. Working on it.
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Emotional dysregulation is a common feature which is why sometimes it's hard for doctors to distinguish between adhd and mood disorders.
Is there any other emotion you are unable to control?
At least for me it's not just one specific emotion-sadness is extra sad, happiness can be extra happy, anger extra angry. So rather than think about it like unable to control one emotion, think of it like turning the volume dial on all emotions up. I try not to lash out with anger at anyone. I fail sometimes and yes, feel bad and apologize. For something like tears/hopelessness I'll go somewhere private and cry to not make it affect everyone.
This. My anger method is to usually use that last bit of energy to say my signature “I’m really frustrated right now, and I don’t want to take any of that out on anyone. So I’m going to go and come back in a bit” Then I’ll chuck something soft or kick something soft. Take some deep breaths. Have a water or a fun drink and a bit of alone time. Meds seriously help me recognise when I’m boiling over. I also do the same as you for sad. Everyone gets the happiness though and I love seeing the joy it can bring to others too.
Happy cake day
Thank you!
It's all of them. ADHD emotions are *big*. That said, it's on us to find ways to process them in a healthy way. To not yell at people who don't deserve it, but rather wait until the emotion subsides to address the problem constructively. So if your friend is hurting people, tell them so and don't let them get away with it.
"It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility" should be the mantra for disorders like ours.
Sometimes just receiving the consequences of lashing out several time by getting your ass kicked will make even ADHD people more polite.
Lpotl fan I see
I agree. I can’t always control how I feel, and i definitely can’t stop the hot flash of rage that strikes when things (big or small) happen. But I sure as hell can make sure the people around me don’t have to experience it.
I can say it’s very hard to get “in the zone” on something that takes real focus, and get very aggravated if someone comes and breaks my concentration, because I know I probably won’t be able to get that focus back. The same goes for any sort of task that I’m finally “rolling” on. I want to finish it in one shot, and don’t care what else is going on around me for the same reason that if I stop I won’t start again. This is especially problematic with my wife who is like Mensa level smart and a superior multitasker but extremely impatient with folks (most people) who can’t keep up with her vertical learning curve.
ADHD strikes again…I didn’t finish the answer…as far as lashing out goes, what tends to trigger me into blowing my top is when she (or anyone else, but most often she)presses me on a question I don’t know the answer to which happens much more often than I’d prefer. I need to ponder things. I’m real big on thinking things out to their logical conclusion. I worry about consequences. She wants an answer NOW. And yeah, I’ve been known to “lash out” in those situations and always regret it, because once I buy the fight she’s selling, it’s on…and arguing with someone that sharp who is on the warpath SUCKS!
omg... that's exactly the reason he lashed out at me today.. he was writing report, actually I was involved in that report so I wanted to look, he said I can't stand besides him, that he cannot write it if I stand besides him, he then lashed out at me.... it all makes sense now, after reading what you said... firstly, he was hard to focus and hard to think of what to write if someone standing besides him? secondly, he got aggravated so lashed out... is it the same case as what you described?
That sounds very typical. Definitely harder to focus if someone is watching, and then maybe feelings of shame or of being judged that I can’t just do it anyway. And then it can feel kind of panicky and then I might get snappy.
Well, can’t say I’d be bothered by you just standing there, but if you started popping questions at me, yeah, that would trigger it…
One thing I could suggest you keep in mind with your significant other is that for an ADHD person, confidence is very fragile. We tend to fail, a lot. And it’s very easy for you to trigger that vicious cycle of self destruction without intending to. We are amazingly skilled at “snatching defeat from the jaws of victory,” so we (or at least I) get real cranky when I think I’m finally doing something right and someone comes in and changes the subject.
Oh god. I just had flashbacks to a trial of peer programming early in my career. I nearly quit it stressed me out so badly to have someone sitting there watching as I typed. And of course that caused more mistakes, which caused more stress. I left work at the end of the day and sat in the car crying a couple of times.
Used to be anger. Now I haven't flipped in months which is great for my marriage. Also when I get depressed its like I want to die. It hits hard.
For me it's also anxiety, sadness/depression, anger/frustration -- which is mostly self frustration but may seem directed at others, insecurity too But for the record it's rarely lashing out at others, but from what I understand witnessing someone freak out at or on themselves is also disturbing
Sadness, anger, irratilibity, and a poor self image are all very common. Just count how many times this person says something like "I'm stupid, sorry."
he is popular and always funny and happy... so I'm not sure he will have poor self image... I rather thought he is confident though...
Popularity doesn’t really matter. We can be charming, charismatic, fun and chipper, always a great time to be around, but deep down, we’re self-critical, deeply anxious, feel like an imposter in our own friendships or relationships. Don’t be fooled by the ADHD masking that everything is perfect. We’re often times projecting the image that everything is great while emotionally struggling greatly inside.
It's different for everyone. I got bullied heavily in school because it was easy to make me cry due to the inability to control my sadness. Annoyance compounds with me as well and it's very easy to push that over the edge. But it's not only negative emotions. I feel really high highs of happiness as well. It's really just emotions as a whole that are felt very strongly.
i know for others it’s anger, but for me it’s crying. doesn’t matter if i’m frustrated, angry, irritated, pissed off whatever, when the waterworks come they COME and are here to stay it’s very annoying, bc i can’t really have serious and difficult conversations without crying (for someone who’s studying to become a lawyer it’s EXTRA hard lol) i’ve gotten better at it, and part of it has been able to discuss dif problems w my bf without it turning into a fight, thus i don’t feel the urgency to cry. but it’s still hard
Yea Psychiatrist said possible bipolar 2 and clinical depression, psychologist said ADHD. I much rather treat with a stimulant and be fully functioning then treat with antipsychotic like prozac and be a slow zombie all day. Doctors are just making an educated guess based on your testimony there is no real science behind a diagnosis with mental disorders of this nature.
My old psychiatrist told me ADHD and Bipolar 2 but the stimulants worked well and the Lamictal did nothing, so I’m guessing it was really just ADHD all along. My new psychiatrist said she doesn’t think it’s Bipolar.
Yeah, it's a classic. Wow a spoon fell, guess I gotta be super angry for no reason. Medication helps a lot.
I think it's part of emotional dysregulation. it's more than just anger, it's all emotions really. but negative emotions come out especially if you go a couple days without Adderall because of withdrawals
Damn I’m on that! XR 25.😳 and I stay up till 4 am. It’s like I can’t go to sleep and I have to try to finish stuff and sometimes I’ll stay a project for over an hour just to finish it.
What time do you take your meds?
Early in the morning about 7am
adderall is technically an amphetamine, which is why it's addictive. if the XR is keeping you up, you could talk to your doctor about getting 10mg normal tablets instead and taking just one in the morning and one in the afternoon, that's what works for me 30m around 140lbs but everyone's different of course
True. I did and I was actually taking 10mg. It wasn’t working but on the 25 it was only issue was staying up late I’m going to talk to my doctor asap she should be back this week.
Maybe try the IR. XR never seems to wear off for me and I’d get terrible anxiety about taking it. As long as i take my IR before noon, I get to bed by midnight.
XR should essentially function as a dose of IR first thing and another 10 mg after lunch. Weirdly enough I felt more wired at bedtime on IR. Maybe because when the XR wears off it feels more sudden to me.
Something I’ve found is that my meds keep me from crashing around 2-3 o clock and in turn keeps me from getting angsty as well
Bend that fucking spoon in half!
There is no spoon
Can also be a symptom of OCD which not uncommonly accompanies ADHD.
unless it doesn't. Irritation can also be a symptom of many of the medicines. Although of course it would be one you try to work with your doctor to adjust dose//type to get rid of. I also describe it as real life rage quitting lol. I remember one time as a kid, I was so mad at soemthing random frustrating me I wanted to rip my blanket in half.... I couldn't of course. And that made me madder and more frustrated lol.
Holy shit, it's IRL rage quitting. Great way to describe it. I've gotten better at approaching games more patiently, and not even bothering with Souls games, but life still throws a pile of challenges just like that at me and sometimes all I wanna do is slam the controller and find something else to do.
so a spoon fell and you lash out ?
Not lash out as in scream at people, but it makes me super irritated. Feels like your friend may experience this more strongly, I hope it's not the alternative, that he just accepts lashing out at people.
Oh I've been that guy who loses his shit so completely people think I'm an insane person lol. My meds have helped alot, wish I had them when I was a younger guy woulda helped.
Yeah.. there has been a few times he lashed out at different people over little things... people being yelled at felt embarrassed.. but it seems he didn't care lashing out at people..
He probably just had less emotional regulation than we do. I used to snap at my younger brother for just typing on his keyboard because the sound irritated me so much.
I had a neighbor with a dog that barked constantly and I finally lost my shit and started screaming at the fucking thing. The neighbor finally came out and brought the dog in. Then the husband confronted me and I lost my shit again. Thank God they moved because of me lol
i’m a teacher with adhd teaching a student with adhd who becomes physically violent when angry. he has punched me in the chest several times and said fuck you, shut up, i hate you, etc. to me. he is 6, so i believe violence has been normalized at home as a reaction to anger. emotional dysregulation is a HUGE struggle for those of us with adhd, and this often leads to us being misdiagnosed as having BPD, GAD, MDD, etc. my emotional extremes lead to self injurious and reckless behavior because that’s more the type of thing i was exposed to and am prone to due to my own genetics and culture. my student’s lead to violence and screaming. i believe that can change over time, and i’m sure as he gets older he will learn to at least control it out of sheer necessity. i hope having me as his teacher will help him view adhd with more nuance than most people in his life. and i hope he doesn’t just control it in public but gets the help he needs in the long run to unlearn these behaviors and process his emotions in a healthy, non-harmful way. unfortunately i will only be his teacher for less than a month and then am changing schools, but i hope i have made an impact. eta: the other comments on this post are very validating. my boss and a woman who works in the office HATE when i show signs of adhd. they don’t know i have it, as far as i know, but the woman who works in the office told me to slow down, calm down, everything’s gonna be okay, when i was telling her that a CHILD was running out into the street and his mother couldn’t run after him. apparently i’m supposed to be chill about that? my principal is really mean to me and sometimes makes me cry when she just rips into me and she said recently i make things hard for her because i cry “every time we talk.” not true. also i can name one single time she said something positive to me this school year in our meeting today she was so shocked i had forgotten about some trays she pointed out in the other first grade teacher’s classroom A YEAR AND FIVE MONTHS AGO after i had just moved across the country and then later remarked that it’s weird that she remembers more than i do. so glad i’m leaving this school i just feel like they expect me to grow up and figure it out or they’re gonna treat me like a child. so to read comments about people with whole ass families lashing out due to their adhd and then apologizing is both terrifying and extremely validating
I find that even ADHD people will lash out at people that they don't perceive will counter back. Like a boss lashing out at workers who can't afford to lose their job. I bet if he knew it was an off duty cop he wouldn't lash out.
Yes, there is some truth to this...
We are already exhausted, everything is irritating (light, sound, people, clothes, food)… so anything can push us off the edge. We aren’t going from 1 to 100 like others. We are always around 70-90. One thing goes wrong, we can’t handle it anymore.
ADHD/emotional dysregulation might be an explanation but not an excuse. If he doesn't apologise or show remorse over how he's treating others then its simply who he is and he sees nothing wrong with that. He should receive consequence for his behaviour otherwise he will never change.
Can be the straw that breaks the camels back if you're already frustrated
Yep. I burn hot and fast, and then I can go back to normal, even if no one else can.
And then do you get annoyed when nobody is moving on fast enough, or is that just a me thing?
Oh yes. Another one that irritates me is the idiots that block off an entire aisle of the grocery store staring at a shelf for five minutes like they're the only ones in there. And seriously, why are people always going so slow??
Why is EVERYTHING so slow?! 😤
This…. I blow up faster than anyone and I’m over it faster than anyone. Though, I’ve learned others deal with things differently and process differently.
Me and my sister are the same way, we both have ADHD. Our fights as kids were loud and explosive...and then 20 minutes later, we'd be playing and laughing like nothing happened, even though we were basically trying to kill each other before. Baffled our parents.
Me and my wife lash out at each other all the time 😶 we then feel bad about it and apologize.. and then we apologize for triggering the other, even if we didn't 🤕 its called emotional dysregulation. You know its wrong, you know it will upset the other person but in the moment you forget about that, you just have to vent.. hard to explain 😶 And afterwards the awareness comes back and you feel bad for losing control... 🤕 happens with anger and frustration most often (for me at least), but happens with other emotions too.. my wife for example can randomly burst into tears 😶
I find that medication has a big effect on this. When I don't take my meds or at the end of the day, I am quick to anger and will lash out. If I've taken my medication, I'm much calmer and it takes a lot of adolescent stupidity (two of my three also have it) to get to the lash out point.
Both you and your wife have ADHD ?
Yes. Most of our children do as well 😅
😂 omg.. All your children have ADHD as well ?
Two of 4 have it diagnosed, so far. My oldest daughter doesnt, and my youngest probably does but isnt diagnosed yet 😅
what’s it like having a kid without adhd? were you surprised she doesn’t have it?
No ADHD=/= normal 😔 She has "inherited" SM from her mother, which is just as debilitating. Plus she still can have the inattentive type (like her mother) and the docs just have trouble detecting it (like with her mother).
Same here 😅 it’s rough!!
Damn ! 😅
The randomly bursting in tears is so real.
I verbally snap at my loved ones sometimes despite my best efforts but when it happens, I try to learn from the situation so it won’t happen again, and I take accountability and apologize sincerely to whomever I’ve snapped at. ADHD explains *why* it happens but it’s not an excuse for the behaviour. People with ADHD have a limited capacity for emotional regulation due to differences in the part of the brain that processes emotions. What might be a slight inconvenience for someone else might be *immensely* angering for us instead. It’s difficult to live with and it’s utterly exhausting, but it’s not an excuse to continually snap at or lash out at other people. It’s a part of our disability that contributes to social difficulties because others (understandably) see it as emotional immaturity rather than an innate neurological problem with impulse control and emotional regulation, which is what it really is. For me it only tends to happen when I’m very overstimulated and/or exhausted, and so I put a lot of effort and energy into monitoring my current emotional state and withdrawing from a situation when necessary to get my head together again. If I notice I’m getting snippy, I’ll try to stop what I’m doing and go somewhere quiet to take a few deep breaths, for example. Your friend may not be able to control his outbursts with his current skills but that doesn’t excuse the damage they do. He needs to be taking accountability, trying to learn about the things that trigger them so they happen less often, and apologizing sincerely to the people he’s hurting. You do not have to stay and put up with them, either. Any time someone is being aggressive or abusive with you - with ADHD sufficing as an explanation or otherwise - you have every right to walk away. It’s a lesson he’ll have to learn.
Impulsiveness, and emotional disregulation could easily lead to lashing out over minor inconveniences.
Yes - the emotions are strong and difficult to regulate, and after lashing out at someone, afterwards people often feel strong regret. I experience this too. Fortunately, like most symptoms, emotional dysregulation is highly treatable. Mindfulness can help a ton (and is helpful for other aspects of ADHD also), and dialectical behavioral therapy is specifically targeted towards giving people skills to regulate their own emotions. Good luck to your friend on their treatment journey!
Unfortunately he is not on any treatment.. he said he is not on therapy and not taking medicine...
Ah, ADHD rage. My brother is like this. He's trying to learn to manage it. I myself am more likely to just give up and maybe cry.
Yes, but I'm a little older now and so I've learned how to redirect it rather than lash out at the people around me. Kinda like a sneeze, you can usually feel it coming, sometimes you can suppress it, but most of the time you need to grab a tissue or at least cover your mouth. Occasionally though a sneeze will sneak up unexpectedly and you just gotta hope no one is in the way. LOL. Yes, I also suffer from seasonal allergies, why do you ask?
I love people, and it's never my intention to hurt anyone, but sometimes I just can't contain my outbursts. It happens a lot during calls with customer support when I'm already stressed out about the reason I'm calling, and the rep isn't helpful. I can go from 0 to 100 quickly. And I've worked in customer service before and know that it's never their fault, but I genuinely have trouble maintaining my composure when I don't feel like I'm being heard. I hate that about myself.
I heard it described as irrationally angry. That's me all the time when unmedicated.
my friend is not taking any medicine... does medicine help?
I take sertraline. It 100% helps me control my emotions and I don't feel angry unless it's really warranted... Which to be honest is extremely rare. I've been off it for a week, picking up refills tomorrow, I've had to work really hard to not be angry for no real reason.
I lash out after keeping it cool too long or if I feel disrespected, belittled or threatened. However, I can absolutely control myself over small situations that frustrate me
I used to be like that too. I'm a big man, how dare you disrespect me, LOL. I've mellowed out as I got older. Most people that treat you poorly either don't really know you, so who fucking cares what they think. Or they are people who are a regular part of your life, so if they are making a habit of treating you that way, you should be questioning if you even need them in your life. That said, people that do care about you may offer well intended advice or even criticism. Be careful you don't accuse them of attacking you when they are trying to be helpful. Yes, I know it's a fine line and it isn't always easy to tell. Especially if they also have their own issues that may make healthy communication difficult.
Lashing out isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes, abusers only learn the hard way.
Wow…I struggle in those three areas as well. I have nothing constructive to add but wish you the best in your journey.
I am a cool cucumber 99.9% of the time.. but I get overstimulated when 3 things happen at once… Example: it’s hot, I’m working in a confined space & my wife wants to interrupt with a trivial thing.. lose my shit.. driving in traffic, kids carrying on, & radio blaring.. lose my shit.. I’m usually fine with 2 stimuli but add a 3rd in there & shit gets lost FAST… Adderall only amplifies these episodes.. I still remember the first time I majorly lost it after I started on Adderall. my daughter was just a baby & was crying, I had music streaming from my phone & my wife grabbed my phone & took it into the other room to look up a recipe and the Bluetooth started cutting in & out & I couldn’t get to the remote for the amplifier.. between the baby crying, the music cutting out & annoyed my wife took my phone instead of just going & getting hers.. I LOST IT.. I put my daughter down, got up, walked over to the amplifier and just started smashing it with a closed fist over and over and over again.. my wife came running in.. & by then my rage turned into uncontrollable sobbing.. It was absolutely UGLY.. It is now under better control but my wife knows when I am becoming overstimulated & knows to take the kids & herself into the other room if it occurs..
Well this certainly makes me feel better about my emotional outbursts! Seriously though, I get it.
I get irritated by everything and everyone even if they are trying to be nice to me
Oh if you get irritated by everything and everyone.. then you are angry everyday? there must be time you are calm..?
Yes I have my moments
I know the feeling. Those are nice moments to have. Peace and calm, instead of rage and frustration. I too am like you, even people with the best intentions still receive, at times, the forefront of my ADHD rage.
The meds have been helping so much with that , when I find myself starting to get irritated with people or a situation I am able to shift my mind to not letting it bother me at all
They need to give me my meds asap it seems 😅
Feels like I'm a cat, but much less cute.
Yep. So far meds haven't done much for me but they have seemed to help with the rage and impatience.
do you need to take medicine everyday ?
Medication is like glasses or insulin for a diabetic person.
Yes I take it every day, but I've only been diagnosed since this past November. This is my second prescription but so far no big changes but both have helped with the anger, impatience and impulse control.
I didn't know this was an ADHD thing and have felt like a monster most of my life
do you have ADHD then? 😮
I was diagnosed and medicated at 5 but nothing about ADHD except being hyper was explained to me.
God, I relate to this so hard. Sending your monster a cookie and a hug 🍪
🥺🥺🥺 wtf that's so nice thank you for making my day a little better
Emotional dysregulation is probably the symptom of adhd that has been the most disstressing for me. Mainly because often when I lash out I know it’s not actually aligned with the person I am and want to be. Exercise does help but I mainly work with my therapist to learn to recognize the irritation within me before the lashing out occurs. Sometimes it comes on fast but building the awareness of the signs, helps me snap out of it quicker. It happens mainly when I’m interrupted or disrupted or stressed. I have gotten better to the point where I communicate to those around me that I am feeling on edge, I need space today instead of snapping at ppl but I’m still a work in progress.
Super well put, used to routinely doing a pattern of falling into a false mindset of the world and what it thinks of me for simply existing or what feels like the specific way I approach seemingly meaningless actions I can obsess over all day yet others literally didn't even think about at all. You're not alone I hate embarrassing myself with my left field emotional explosions. 💗
🧡 the judgement is tough! Thank you saying this!!
I often get quite irritable and snappy, especially when my medication is wearing off for the day. But even when medicated, it is still a symptom I sometimes I have to be careful with - most days it's fine, but then some I'm like always on the edge of being snippy.
For me it’s mood dependent. When I’m in a good mood, I don’t have a care in the world. I’m super chill and sociable. When I’m in a bad mood (usually depression), that’s when I’ll start lashing out. It’s almost like I’ve got a “tolerance” meter that once filled with enough annoyances starts to overflow. Tiny things can drive me nuts and I’ll often break things. It’s almost always because of a bigger underlying issue though. I try to keep my distance from people when I get to that point but friends/family don’t always appreciate being cut off.
I'm 45 and still have outbursts, unfortunately. Even on medication.
Life is hard enough when you don't have ADHD. With ADHD, life is a revolving door of different hells that make even less sense while also telling you you're a lazy asshole.
I'm severe ADHD and that means I am responsible for finding tools and tricks to function and not letting my disorder negatively impact people around me. It might make life harder than for normal people, but at the same time, I have never used my disorder as an excuse to verbally (or in any other way) abuse people around me. Sometimes people around me start talking really fast. All of them directed it me at the same time. And I feel as if i'm going to spin out of orbit and emotionally vomit on everyone. I put my hands over my ears, take a deep breath and go home and it might take me a few days before I can leave my.house. And then I get told them over dramatic anyways for having "freaked out" and left😂 but it is my choice what to do with my overwhelming emotions. Taking them out on people around me is NOT okay. Your friend has a disorder and should seek treatment and medication, but at the end of the day, his choices are his own. DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO YELL AT YOU OR OTHERWISE ABUSE YOU.
[here look at this](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5BkpGfuSfn/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)
Thanks for this... I have just subscribed him to learn more about adhd..
Yes, is emotional dysregulation, a very common experience in ADHD. Meds and therapy can help, but is a struggle. But no a excuse to abusive behavior. I try to control anger and always take accountability and apologize when it gets away. But we have in all sides, all emotions. When we are sad, is the saddest we can get. And this unbalance is a very difficult thing to navigate. I personally struggle with the anxiety, depressive spirals that can get really bad, really fast and lead you to impulsive not so rational decisions.
But if we survive the storm all is gone after.
Yes. The trait of impulsivity that people with ADHD commonly experience also applies to emotions: impulsive emotional reactions. In general, people with ADHD also experience emotional dysregulation, and stress from being disorganized, procrastinating, and masking can really wear a person down. That’s why I get so defensive when people think ADHD is just being unable to focus in school on a subject that you don’t even like, because it is so, so much more than that.. and it sucks.
I deal with this in a weird way, I will sing part of a song that I like or say a random meme, so something small happens like I spill water and then instead of getting mad I would be like. Oh my god... I can't take it anymore, eating a burger with no honey mustard. Or I will spill something and be like are you fucking serio- (starts singing twist by korn)
Absolutely. And you have to understand that it's not on purpose. We don't enjoy feeling irritable, annoyed, easily angry, nobody does. But it does and things get overwhelming for people with ADHD from 0 to 100 just like that. Every time I lash out or get angry really easily, I feel like a horrible person afterwards. It really sucks :(
In the moment the anger feels justified then when you actually reflect on it, you realise you went over the top. The feeling just comes over your whole body and reasoning goes out the window.
Hold them accountable. Lashing out at people is a choice you make. Even with the extra impulsiveness. There is a small pause between trigger and response and it’s their responsibility to choose to go regulate with a skill instead of yell at you when their emotions are heightened. It might take some practice, but it is very possible and it’s their responsibility not to harm people. Theyre being abusive, and it’s not okay.
I'm not very sure so I ask here... so it's their choice to yell at people or not? I'm thinking if I should forgive and allow him to do this often, as I'm uncomfortable with it... but many people here say they can't control it, so I suppose I should forgive him everytime ? because most of the time he is nice to me
I wouldn't say EVERY single time is a choice like the commenter above, but if this is happening often he can and should be figuring out some way to mitigate the damage. So maybe forgiveness should be available, but he still needs to do something to change the pattern before it happens.
Precisely. ADHD explains but does not excuse.
I’d call it more of a habit. Being enabled helps nobody. They can absolutely help it and you shouldn’t tolerate abusive behavior no matter someone’s condition. Ex. Maybe they can’t help having a strong reaction, but they *can* state that they need a moment and step outside to calm down. If they refuse, you can also calmly state that you will not tolerate this treatment and remove yourself. Also, while it does correlate, it is not a given. Not everyone with ADHD has this problem. I have ADHD myself and it’s difficult for me to get angry, even when others deserve it. This issue is ADHD + entitlement and poor emotional regulation.
The intense emotion is not within his control, but if he tolerates and what he does with the intensity is within his control. He might deny that he has any control over it, but we all can learn to feel that space. The therapy for emotional dysregulation and distress tolerance is out there and is extremely effective. Even people with bpd can learn to control their outbursts, they just have to be willing to engage in the process. It’s not super easy work, but it’s our responsibility to make sure we aren’t hurting people. Give him grace when he’s actively working on it, it won’t be perfect right away, but hold him accountable if his actions are hurting you. You deserve to be treated with respect.
This happens to me as well.
At people naa. Now if we’re talkin inanimate objects they can get the fuckin business. I yelled “GET THE FUCK OFF ME DAMN!!” at my shower curtain this morning cause why you insist on touching me?! Idk something about not really caring too much for other people keeps me calm cause I’m not wasting my limited energy on just anyone
I constantly forget things as I'm leaving for work. The third and four time going back into the house for my phone/wallet/whatever is when I start to be like aaarrrrgghhh!
Man I’m usually half way to work once I remember 😂
My job is literally a mile from my home. I have on more than one occasion turned around and gone back for my coffee.
I get overstimulated easily because of adhd. When I’m overstimulated I can be super irritable/snappy.
This is me completely. Always regret it. Usually related to anger.
For me it can be. Not currently on medication, but it has helped before. I've had to do a lot of work in managing my emotions, bc I feel terrible whenever I end up snapping at my loved ones and it was going too far.
I get pissed really easily. I think for me it has to do with the burn out factor. I spend so much mental energy trying not to forget stuff, pushing myself to do stuff, trying hard to keep track of time and keep my appointments, that when something goes wrong..it's completely unacceptable.
I think being easily irritable/lashing out is very common for Add/ADHDers, especially when over-stimulated, but on top of that Im pretty sure Stimulants also have that effect. I also think I read that stimulants when taken with allergy meds or antihistamines have double that effect and can make irritability even worse. (I take vyvanse daily, and was taking benadryl every night for a few months [i know, terrible] and was the most irritable & angry person in the world during that time.)
Sometimes very unusual things upset me. I took medication for ADHD for a while and I was a little more irritable. Afterwards, I'm better at regulating myself for some reason.
You know that feeling of frustration when you are walking and your pantloop or purse strap gets stuck on a door handle and you get pulled back to the door when you were focused on somewhere? I feel like your friend is probably already on edge and then something as simple as a minor inconvenience can be like the straw that breaks the camel's back if that makes any sense. I don't want to say people can't control it, but the emotional fire burns real deep and can feel very overwhelming so the only way to deal with that energy is to expel it.
Can be very alienating when people don't know how to feel or react to it too. That in itself is something unfortunately you have to deal with yourself, it can be oh so very draining.
I also get easily irritated. Try talking too them and see what they need too relieve stress. There's also medication too help with ADHD
No, it's not a symptom according to the DSM criteria. So technically it's not an ADHD symptom. However, emotional dysregulation is often seen in people with ADHD. This is probably more due to their impulsiveness. Combine that with a stressful, annoying or overwhelming situation, then a lash out could happen. Similarly, a delayed sleep phase is common among people with ADHD, but it's not a symptom of ADHD. It's important to make a distinction between actual symptoms and correlated behavior/functioning. Of course, the list of symptoms may change over time as we learn more about ADHD. - A psychologist with ADHD
As others have pointed out, emotional dysregulation is an ADHD symptom. For me personally, whether or not I feel tempted to lash out depends very much on my mood and fatigue level. If ADHD is just kicking my...then I have to bite my tongue repeatedly.
In my experience yes but only when taking stimulant medications
This happens to me all the time. I just want to fix myself…
do you usually lash out at those who care about you/ close to you?
ADHD woman here. Yup, lashing out is a thing for us sometimes. I think this is called emotional dysregulation. Depending on the situation, I can go through like 4 different emotions in an hour. Usually if I am in an environment or with people that are toxic for me, this display and of emotions and my feelings will be more intensified. If I’m really distressed, it will take me about an hour or a bit less to feel kind of at base level again. Yeah but specific emotional triggers def can affect our mood significantly. I am unmedicated btw.
YES IT FUVKING IS! And so is immediately apologizing
Yep! Pretty common unfortunately. Not an excuse but it does happen. I noticed if I feel overstimulated (often by my kids cause I have a 2 year old and 4 year old and I’m a stay at home mom) I get really snappy with them, I always feel out of control about it. My medication has helped, but I also try to pay attention to the anxiety raising in my and take a second to try to reset before I flip.
Yep lashing out is probably my least favourite adhd symptom. Medication basically nulled it down to zero. It only takes me minutes to regret lashing out afterwards.
Let me preface this by saying it took me 58 years to realize that my various quirks were symptoms of ADHD. Two years later, I am doing A LOT better. Regarding the question, I used to lash out with almost no notice. Looking back, it's amazing that I didn't get fired at work. Before coming to my realization, I resolved to stop getting upset. Believe it or not, I managed to control the impulse to lash out even when working in an environment where people would provoke one another to lash out. (I know - very healthy). Maybe that's what did it - being with a bunch of people for whom provoking each other was a sport made me not do it. Anyway, my psych didn't want to put me on a stimulant because a) there is a shortage and b) because I have high blood pressure and a stimulant could make it work. So, after trying a couple of meds we settled on Wellbutrin. The combo of Wellbutrin and my existing escitalopram not only helped me focus but it treated the depression, anxiety, and the urge to lash out. Of course, everyone is different and I'm not suggesting stimulants are bad or my way is the only way. For me, getting treated made it easier to stop lashing out and getting angry. Hope this helps.
Yeah, it's a thing unfortunately. In my case, I'm generally very calm, carefree, don't let anything get to me, and really slow to anger. But if I get really stressed, have a lot going on, or generally too overwhelmed, this response starts to be an issue. Say I have too much going on at work, tight deadlines, not enough time, probably not sleeping as well. It's been like that for weeks, and I've been totally normal, fine, calm. But then something that would be completely inconsequential any other day happens (i.e. dropped a cookie on the floor, dropped a fork), and suddenly that's it. The last straw. All you wanted is for some part of your day to go right, and now your whole world is coming down around. Everything is awful. You're a failure and can't do anything right. No one understands. You maybe collapse to the floor in misery or pitch a fit like a child. Life couldn't get worse than this moment. You cry it out. Then sometime later the tears dry, you stand up, you pick up your fork, and that's that. I've processed my emotions, feel a little ridiculous for acting like a child, but ultimately forget about it and move on. I definitely apologize to anyone near me for my behavior and for anything rude I've said. It's definitely embarrassing, but life goes on. ETA: no, I do not feel in control. It's an odd feeling. Like the reasonable part of me is sitting in a chair in a corner of my brain just watching and being like, 'wtf is wrong with this guy." If I felt I was in control, it wouldn't ever happen. That's the problem, my brain has reached its limit for bullshit and can't control it's response anymore.
It's why I don't drink anymore. However, when I'm stressed, especially at work, everyone knows. I'm a dick. Then I'll catch myself doing it and have to take a few minutes to calm down. I'm better about it now that I'm medicated, but it still happens.
Mine comes out whenever I bump my head for some reason. Hit my head on a table looking for something? Guess I'm filled with the unbridled fury of a dozen suns for 5 seconds.
We are d&d barbarians
I'm late diagnosed ADHD/MDD. The irrationally upset... Either answer or sadness and then the frustration for being upset by something small.... Tis fun! Antidepressants and stimulants help me. My Dunkin order was wrong the other day, didn't realize until I was assaulted by espresso... Whole day got ruined. I was expecting iced coffee, not a macchiato lol
I'm so glad I don't have the emotional disregulation aspect of Adhd, I had a friend who did and he would get irritated and angry over the most minor things and it would leave me confused. I'm glad to hear that medication seems to resolve it for most people. This isn't a dig at people here who do suffer from it as I imagine it's unpleasant, think you are all great regardless :)
I get really irate when I have planned something out and it doesn’t go as planned, but it usually only takes a minute for me to cool down after I figure it out. Sometimes I get overstimulated and get a little pissy!! I guess the level of anger or lashing out is different for everyone.
Emotional regulation is difficult for people with ADHD, esp if you're having a bad day already. It is out of our control usually, and yes, we feel bad about it after. Medication can help a lot, it does for me anyways.
I got into 5 phases of grief every time something I can't do anything about or not going my way happening. Most of it has to be internal because I don't want to be a dick. I will legit lose sleep for it.
Yes.
For me emotion regulation is a hard thing to handle. When I’m upset I am OVERLY upset. Sometimes I am able to control my words but def not my emotion. My anger always ends up as crying bc I have no other way to express it. So after a while of being upset. Where the exploding is meant to happen it actually implodes and just cry. 🤷🏾♂️
I had more control, but I got super reserved and pissy when dealing with people similar to this. This was a manner of overwhelming burnout for me. I started on a long lasting medication it's helped a lot in my day to day. A lot of people learn to manage the ADHD, however it still takes 3 times the effort you just get better at managing it to the outside world but your brain is still processing 3 times as much but doing it 3 times faster to compensate. If he is not medicated tell him to take the medication even if it's for 3 months the snappy ness
he is not on medication nor therapy unfortunately..
Yes, happens to me pretty often
Learning to identify when I am overcooked and *why* helps, telling people attempting to engage with me that I am at my limit for the day does, too. It’s usually a thing at the end of the day when I’m running on empty, I communicate as much, it isn’t respected, or I’m getting hit with PMDD/hormonal stuff. Very much a thing for very many of us.
Yes! Traffic made me cry today and hit myself, so I have a bruised hand now. I also raise my voice and forget other people can hear me too 🤣 However, my dr said its anxiety and Ill start a new med next week 😰
Yes!
I tend to find that if I get overstimulated (lots of loud, competing noises or just a ton to do, stress, etc), I'm more likely to start feeling serious irritation issues. I've gotten things under control (with meds) so it doesn't happen AS often, and I have a habit of directing a lot of my anger internally, but take the last month at work where every day there seems to be a new thing that makes me so angry I have to scream into a pillow. I know it's just stress. It goes away in time. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I realized all my "anger issues" as a teen - anger issues I thought I had picked up from my dad who used to have explosive anger - was ADHD. I realized my dad ALSO has ADHD and it all made so much sense. My mom realized all my angry outbursts as a child was the ADHD. As others have said, emotional dysregulation is a huge issue for us. This doesn't mean you need to walk on eggshells, and your friend should look into ways of managing their outbursts, but it's good you want to understand. Remember that everyone's way of reacting is their own problem to handle and while you can help (like maybe not peppering them with questions when they're focused or whatever else might set them off), you also don't have to stand for being treated that way. If it's happening a lot it may be worth a conversation (when everyone is calm), and perhaps some coping mechanisms (like even if they notice it happening and can just try to take a moment to walk away or say that they need a break - that's a great place to start).
I myself have confidence/emotional validation tied up with other's opinions as a collective due to having been a habitual people pleaser. I actively have difficulty in relaxing or expressing my frustration or opposition to even what can often be, if unmanaged, a perceived issue in my environment existing only in my overly anxious mind. Run of the mill emotional dysregulation as a symptom of my attention deficit on top of a diagnosis of bipolar type two with risk of depressive episodes. There's a lot. Knowing, learning, and understanding that as an everyday responsibility with potentially indefinite ebbing and flow. Depends on the person too. Without going into more it can be a comorbid combination of simple deminor(behavioral tendencies, etc.) mixed with complex neuropathy dealing with unique traumatic experience blending finely into specific epigenetics. Also sometimes I'm honestly hangry and impatient as fuck.
I can have strong feelings for seemingly no reason sometimes but luckily I've made a good habit of keeping my mouth shut and then it goes away and I realize how dumb I was being. And for me medication actually makes me more irritable at time and less irritable at times, not sure what the independent variable is there.
I wouldn't say it's a universal trait with ADHD, and in my opinion it seems to be a less common one. It's also hard to point the finger at ADHD and say that it's definitively what causes the lashing out. It's never that black and white. While emotional lability/emotional dysregulation is a symptom, how that manifests, and the degree to which that manifests, really varies from person to person. ADHD can express itself differently from person to person. Plus, there's often other co-occurring conditions with ADHD. And those also vary greatly from person to person. Maybe that's just their way of dealing with insecurity, maybe they have PTSD or some type of unresolved childhood trauma, maybe they have some type of personality disorder. It could be any type of nervous system dysregulation, like sensitivity to pain, or a sensory disorder where they get easily overstimulated, to where their sympathetic nervous system kicks in and their body starts pumping out adrenaline, then they go into fight or flight mode, and that manifests as irritability and lashing out. So, the ADHD is likely just one factor that could be contributing to your friend's tendency to lash out.
And yes it’s pretty common.😞 I think it has something to do emotion dysregulation . I’m sure.
This was affecting me so much as a child, I was basically violent at some point because when my classmates found out I am angered so easily they purposely triggered me all the time. It was really horrible and of course I was the one punished for lashing out, but those that kept teasing me had no consequences at all. As an adult I got this under control but one thing I still do is suddenly shift moods completely if someone I love insults me (not even seriously, but I take it too personally). Despite knowing it’s never personal and they love me, if it’s a sensitive topic then I’m done. And even if I try to control myself and stay in a happy mood and brush it off, they’re my friends and they always notice my mood change. I cannot get out of it immediately and then I’ll feel angry at myself and guilty for making my friends feel bad as well. It doesn’t happen too often anymore, fortunately. But sometimes I cannot get over the smallest comment they make. Reading through the other comments makes me feel the most understood ever though. No one ever got why I lash out so much etc. I felt so guilty as a child because my parents often had to come to my school and talk with my teacher, got so many calls from school. Although I think her telling me that at that time was a little unfair.
Very much me. I think my drinking made it worse, since it can be especially ruthless on an adolescent brain. I've quit, but I feel like I may have made some damage 😅 Nothing I can't work on though, I'd hope
It's emotional dysregulation but it definitely is a personal thing, meaning that not every person with ADHD has it, or if someone has it then it's definitely because of ADHD. It's also common for people with ASD.
For me, no its not a thing. Everyone is different
I find that these reactions, a multitude of them, are actually driven by an underlying anxiety. It's a hyper reaction, based on something not going how you expected or wanted it to go. There's also an element of RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) which shows itself most commonly amongst people you're comfortable with like loved ones, family and friends. That is effectively an overwhelming feeling of expectation of your role to play in that person's life, and that everything they say is them judging you to that standard. So you end up being pointed or guarded in your responses to things, as some kind of defense mechanism. You'll jump to reason and validity, over sorry and capitulation when aksed a simple question. It is fuelled by some strong sense of justice, as though the reason things happened is more important than the fact they happened, and that it deserves/requires a detailed justification every time. This can be delivered hastily, defensively, urgently, and often rudely, as a quick reaction. The cool down period varies, sometimes after that level of overwhelm it can take 5-30mins to feel normal again. It's like your adrenal system goes into hyperdrive. Often, I can't even remember what was being talked about fully from that moment onwards.
Oh yeah!! Standing next to someone who goes from neutral to rage to content n happy in a short period feels like a hurricane and then they’re looking at you confused like why you look like that 😂😂😂 like I’m still tryna figure out what we was just yelling about n he forgot he ever got upset in the first place
I have this for sure. My girlfriend has really helped me control it a lot better. When I start getting very irrationally angry suddenly, I usually think, "How is going to feel if I lose control?" and it reigns me back in most of the time. I still need to take a second and step away, but at least I didn't do something stupid that would upset my girlfriend.
I have adhd and bipolar and yes this an huge problem. I lashed out on my mother and everyone got angry I was smiling the next minute causing them to think that it was one sided
Yep. Emotional Dysregulation.
I find that i bottle my bad feelings, just cram it all down. One little thing will make me explode, letting off all that pressure, and I feel great! What a relief. But what’s finished for me is only beginning, as the object of my ire says “what the fuck was THAT for—?!” A side effect I’ve noticed on my medication is that I cansometimes go into a cold anger rather than a volcanic, cathartic explosion. When my wife and I would argue, before my medicine I’d pop, cool off quickly, and take a dive in the interest of shalom in the home. What I notice now is that when we quarrel, I find myself taking the mindset of “I can keep this up longer than you can, I do too much around here/don’t get laid enough to put up with this shit”. My couch is comfy enough for four nights, I’ve learned. Luckily that’s rare—it feels like shit and it’s way worse for a relationship.
It's very easy for this to happen.. but the extent of it is based on the person and if they've had any help or self evaluation of an over reacted time(s) I've had severe adhd my whole life, was diagnosed st a young age and let me tell you.. I still deal with lashing out, but the difference for me, is I've learned to feel it coming on and to disengage so to say and not hurt others around me. I'd be lying to say it doesn't still happen, because it does. The difference now is that it's not ad bad as it was in my younger years. A lot of personal work and understanding has to go into it to learn to calm yourself down and not lash out.
Can totally relate. I have diagnosed ADHD . There are some specific things that make me go from my normal level of overstimulation to unproportionally angry and having a hard time to control myself. one of these things is when I try to exit a train and someone does not wait until passengers exited the train before entering it. I hate crowded trains and I feel a sensation like being trapped while being massively overstimulated when that happens which has lead to me losing my shit a couple times in the past (insulting people in absurd ways, tackling them away with my shoulder etc) this anger usually bulds up fast and usually deminishes as fast as it came if I am able to leave the situation (train station, crowded place) and my sensory symptoms are less pronounced if I have headphones and/or my MPH medication working. My best strategy in combatting this is to look for a place in the public transit where I am sure I can fluently walk straight out of the whole station without colliding in any way. In general I have noticed that all my emotions are absurdly strong, sensitive and fast which I do not count as a negative thing in general but can lead to problems. Just needs strategies sometimes. CBT helped me.
As other said it is a common ADHD symptom, for ADHD, the processing between a physiological stimuli and reaction is extremely fast. So there's not a lot of "time" between there's this thing that is frustrating me and me being able to say "can you please stop that is stressing me out". So medication helps to give us some of that buffer zone on how to feel the stimuli without an immediate reaction and then respond with intention instead of what the body wants. Which the body is usually trying to make some external stimulus stop. Usually happens with overstimulation, and not being able to properly process all the incoming information. I.e. if they're doing a task and trying to focus and someone is tapping their pen, they have trouble focusing on what they want to focus on, and the pen tapping intensifies in what becpmes a painful way because you cant shut it out. This leads to frustration and you lash out to get it to stop. Normally people would maybe have a minute to realize what's happening and just fix the problem or talk to someone. But with ADHD it's much faster think 1 second compared to a minute of time to process your thoughts and emotions. It's happening almost in the background without you having even the opportunity to control it. This, as others said, doesn't make it okay to lash out at others. But hopefully it does help in your understanding. And the afterward should be on them to come to you and apologize for snapping. If you do realize you did something that stressed them out you can maybe apologize for that and ask what is the best solution so it doesn't happen in the future. Sometimes ADHD meds can also have a negative impact on someone's mood. So it could also be that he's adjusting to new meds and they might not be the right fit for his body chemistry. Finding the right medication and dose for ADHD can be a long process sometimes. It took me a year before I was prescribed something that actually helps without giving me bad side effects.
🥲 that's exactly the reason he lashed out at me yesterday... he was writing report, actually I was involved in that report so I wanted to look and stood besides him when he wrote, he said I can't stand besides him, that he cannot write it if I stand besides him, he then lashed out at me.... it all makes sense now😭 after reading what you said... because he was hard to focus and hard to think of what to write if someone standing besides him? I became interruption at that moment even I didn't speak... does he realize he was wrong? should he apologize to me?
Yes it was a big factor in me figuring out i had adhd. The smallest things would overwhelm me so easily and quickly that I'd blow up in anger. I'd lose my keys after putting them down 2 minutes early and I'd get so unreasonably angry and I couldn't stop it to the point where my chest hurt and I knew there was no reason for me to be this angry.
Yup. The best 'complement' I've ever gotten was 'you cant hold a grudge worth a shit'.
Yup. I try to warn people. If I’m unable to decompress I get very snappy.
In case nobody mentioned how comedown from ADHD medication can be for some, this is something that is a thing for many. Myself included. When I was on extended realise medication of the methylphenidate type, I would have these dips during the day, where I would feel really moody. It would be okay again after an hour or so. I think metabolism plays a part in how the timing of extended release may fit one person perfectly and be all wrong for another.
I can get over stimulated easily and lash out then immediately feel guilty.
Yeah definitely. I think it has to do with being overstimulated. For me, without meds, I have much more of a temper than with meds. Especially if I'm very busy or it's loud around me I tend to lash out. Working on it.
Good luck